Transcription
[Music] [Applause]
All right, the camera's recording. That's recording. Quiet on set.
Oh, that is literally me.
Anyways, hi everybody! What's up and welcome back to Unhinged with Chris Clemens. I have no idea why I'm screaming. I am so sorry.
Hi everybody, welcome back to Unhinged with Chris Clemens. Is that better?
Uh, oh my God, guys! I just got back from an ultrasound. It's a girl! Just kidding. I have like a bump on my chest. I've had it for like as long as I can remember, and my doctor, now that I have insurance, told me to get an ultrasound. I was like, "F***, I'm not pregnant, I'm just a little curvier." And she was like, "No, it's to check what's going on there."
So I just got it, and oh my God, I was feeling my like newborn or like newly pregnant fantasy. I was loving it! The nurse or person doing the ultrasound—I mean, God bless them, may they get so much pay—because I just was like, "So is that a camera? How does this work? Can I take a picture? Like, do you see a heartbeat?" Just the most annoying s*** ever.
And she's like, "Okay, just shut up."
Um, no, she was really sweet, but oh my God, it was so fun! I got like the jelly put all over me, and it was—oh, it was so slippery! Oh my God.
Um, okay, anyways, moving into the episode now. Before we get into it, we have a fun episode today. I want to remind you, if you're new here, to subscribe to Unhinged with Chris Clemens wherever you get your podcasts.
And if you like video episodes, those go up on youtube.com/signunhinged.
And also, I'm excited to remind you guys that I have a show coming up in Brooklyn on April 21st. I am recording my very first standup special! We are going to be filming it and putting it on my channel. I'm flying out Justin—like, it's just going to be a whole thing, and I'm so excited!
Kind of nervous, but the last Brooklyn show was so much fun, and I just love doing these live shows. I don't know, a live audience is so great after just filming and talking to a camera for 11 and a half years.
Um, but oh, I'm so excited! Tickets for that will be down below. Come on through, girls, and be a part of my very first special taping. It's like bootleg as hell, but listen, it's boots down leg as hell. That didn't work.
Okay, we're just going to get right into the episode, and as you can see by the title, we are joined by a very special guest, Miss Brooke Avick!
Chris: Thank you so much for having me!
Oh my God, of course! Thanks for being here. You are one of those people on TikTok that I do not resent at all because I think you are genuinely so funny and also genuinely just like a very nice, sweet person.
Oh my God, that is such a nice, genuine compliment!
I mean it! I don't say that often to people. I really f***ing don't.
No, I don't either. I have to ask, are you from New Jersey?
Brooke: Philadelphia.
Very close!
Okay, you—and I don't mean this in like a bad way at all because I know some people might read that as like shade or whatever—I love New Jersey, and I know so many people from New Jersey, and you give me such like that New Jersey vibe in the best way.
Thank you so much! I do take that as a compliment. Now that I'm out of the space, like I don't think I would have while I lived there, but now it's like nice to know that I still have those roots—your East Coast roots.
Wait, I didn't know you were from Philly! You're like 45 minutes away from me!
Well, you were—you're Delaware.
Yeah, I grew up in Newark, Delaware.
Yeah, you're like—yeah, I've never been there and never had a reason to be there. I never have heard of it, but I know that we're close.
Probably.
I know that we're close for sure.
Probably, definitely for sure, maybe.
Yeah, now what's going on with you? What's new? What's happening?
Not much! I don't know if you know that I have a guinea pig.
Wait, I feel like I—did you post something about your guinea pig?
Oh my God, about your tax return! I saw this!
She's been eating like a lot of paper and cardboard recently, which is her God-given right. And she just like completely ate—like literally did not leave like one shred of paper left of my tax return—like gobbled it up entirely.
What do you do now?
Oh, I just got another one. Like, it's not a huge deal, but like she did—oh, she did feast!
Oh, okay! I didn't realize it was that easy to just get another one.
Well, it was like an old one that I had printed out. Whatever, we don't have to get into the politics of the tax return.
No, I personally don't want to! I don't get it!
But yeah, she just walks around like she doesn't have a cage.
When did you get her?
A year ago.
I was just thinking of things to say!
Okay, I was like, "Oh, this is a fresh guinea pig," and I saw her out of the corner of my eye.
Yeah, got it!
Okay, oh my God, no! You have a podcast! You—well, you have two podcasts!
Mhm, you're a busy woman!
Yeah, a lot of talking! I have one with Connor, who you know—Brooke and Connor make a podcast. And then the newer one is one that I do on my own with guests a lot of the time called Obsessed, and we just like talk about things that we're obsessed with.
I love that! And we're going to be—we've got a little thing later on in the episode kind of inspired by that.
Which one do you like more?
Oh yeah, pick now!
Probably—it's not that I like it more, but I'm more comfortable with Brooke and Connor just because I can count on Connor to talk if I ever feel like I don't have something to say.
You can always count on him to have his mouth open, you know?
100%! I saw some thing he posted today about like Sacagawea and Lewis and Clark, and I was like, I would pay whatever the people who went to visit the Titanic and the submersible—I would pay that to go in his brain because, yeah, it's wild! It's a place that no one else has dared venture before!
Yeah, but I really kind of understand what you mean though when you're—when it's like having someone to bounce off of. Talking to yourself alone is so f***ing hard for like 45 minutes!
It's so hard! I don't think people understand that we are braver than the Marines and the Navy!
So no one's talking about it!
No one's talking about it, and it's disgraceful!
And also, if there's like a moment of silence on—like if I have a guest on Obsessed, that like I'll lose sleep at night because of that. Where if there's like a moment of silence on Brooke and Connor, I can just be like, "Well, that's also Connor's fault, so it's fine."
No, but the moment of silence is like a real—like that's f***ing real! I'm like, "Holy s***, I was not only left with my own thoughts and ramblings, but so was everybody else! How horrible!"
It's really horrible!
But um, yeah, nuts!
Now I have some of our unhinged citizens who sent in some emails based off of a prompt that I said in a past episode.
Now y'all's homework is to email unhingedwithchrisclemens@gmail.com and share a juicy secret you have— as much background as you can give about it and then also how you learned the secret.
Some of you guys be answering these prompts with like three words, and that is not the juice I'm looking for! Context is key!
But it is like around spring break time for people who are in any sort of institution of education, so I figured this week we would dive into your guys' craziest spring break stories.
Now I have three here. You were a former teacher!
Mhm.
Oh my God, wait! What did you teach?
Preschool.
Holy s***! So in a way, I taught—I taught every subject if you think about it!
Yeah, you taught them life, babe! You taught them life!
Mhm!
Um, so we're going to get into some spring break emails. The first one had a subject line called "Spring Break: Drunk Dad Almost Missed the Cruise Ship Leaving."
So back in 2018, when I was 16, my family went on a cruise in the Caribbean. We stopped in Aruba. My family decided to sign up for an excursion where we went on a pirate ship in the ocean—anchored, not moving. LOL.
Well, yeah, I kind of figured that! And you could jump off the side of it, have drinks, whatever. My dad decided the drinks on the pirate boat weren't enough, so he told my mom that he was going to go to a bar "near the port of the ship" to hang and drink more.
Why is it always the dads that are like, "Bye fam"?
It's always the dads!
You won't see a mom going to the bar while she leaves her family on the pirate ship. Both parents in this story are just negligent!
The rest of the family and I were all tired and didn't feel the best, so we told him to meet us at the boat at 4:00 p.m. when the boarding call to get back on the boat was.
The boat made its final boarding call at 4:30. At about 4:25, we could still not find my dad. My mom was panicking, worrying he was stuck somewhere without a phone and didn't know what time it was or something.
Eventually, within the last minute or two, we see this excruciatingly drunk man walk up to the entrance of the boat, wobbling back and forth. It's my dad!
He gets on the ship and tells us how sorry he was that he stayed out too late. He ended up drunkenly telling me about when me and my sister were "just a thought in your daddy's pants" and then fell asleep for about 14 hours.
Okay, okay, um, where do we go from there? I guess out of Daddy's little pants and into the world?
Mhm.
And into the world!
I don't okay, I hear stories like this about spring break, and like on any of the few family trips we went on, I don't think we ever like split up like that.
I don't understand—like, and maybe this is a me problem because I'm more of like a homebody, but I don't understand the point of like going to drink like alone if you're—if the rest of the people are doing something else.
Like, what do you—what was his goal?
That's what I'm saying! It's like you couldn't just take the shitty drinks on the pirate boat, right? Like, what did the additional bar have for you that you needed so desperately? That's my question!
And like also, why couldn't the family—like, I just have so many questions about this! Something's not adding up!
No, it's not at all! I want to know like truly how f***ed up he was and what he drank!
Like, that would be my only question!
Uh, for the writer of this, do you have any crazy spring break stories?
I meant to ask you before we started this whole charade!
I think every spring break for my whole life, I've went to my grandparents' house in Florida.
That's so cute!
So I'm going to say not super crazy, but still, I'm still young, so hopefully my crazy spring break is still out there!
That's a good way to look at it!
Yeah, I don't really also have any crazy like spring break stories. I feel like I was a very like Caucasian gentle child, and like I never did any sort of like spring break trip in college.
Like, I had to go see my grandparents!
Same! I think I went to LA my senior year with my friend, but it wasn't like a "let's go crazy!" It was like, my family friends work at the airport and can get us first class for free, and I was like, "Okay, yeah, I'll do a trip! Twist my arm!"
All right, email two is titled "New Lover in Paris."
My name is Karma, and—wait, what?
My name is Karma!
Okay, hi Karma!
Hello Karma! JoJo Siwa wants to have a word with you!
My name is Karma, and for my spring break, I went to Paris. I was visiting a friend who is studying abroad. My friend had told me about this girl that she met named Claire, and she told me that she had a crush on her, and she was telling me the little moments they had, which were innocent.
Jesus, that was a f***ing run-on sentence!
Fast forward, Claire invited us to the bar, and we are getting along really quickly. She's becoming touchy, but only with my hand and giving me a lot of eye contact.
The bar closes, and she invites us to a club for the next night. I tell her that we'll be there, and my friend is absolutely quiet.
I asked my friend if she wanted to go the next day, and then she's like, "No, I'm tired and busy." So I told her I'll go alone, to which she was like, "No, no! Like, I'll go too! I just thought you said you were tired!"
And she was like, "Yeah, okay."
So this is like the most chaotic email! Like, I really question reading these things if it's me who can't read or y'all who can't write! This is just like a lot of dialogue!
Yeah, yeah, there's a lot of dialogue! There's a lot of back and forth!
And let me just like get this straight. So Claire is a girl that—like, I actually don't even get it at all!
No?
Okay, okay, so Karma has a friend she was visiting in Paris.
Yeah, this friend that she's visiting has met a girl named Claire.
So Claire is the crush! Karma and we'll call the friend Sarah. I don't think she has a name in this.
Okay, so Karma and Sarah are buddies. Claire seems to be hitting it off with Karma more than Sarah at this point.
Much more than Sarah!
Yeah, and Sarah's starting to kind of feel that, it seems.
And then so Sarah, I guess, was like, "I'm not going," but then Karma was like, "Wait, I'll go alone," and then Sarah was like, "No, I thought you were too tired!"
Mhm!
And then she—okay, so now she's like, "Yeah, but it's my responsibility to take care of you since you're here visiting me in a new country."
And I'm like, "Girl, what? Like, I've been navigating Paris alone because you've had to go to classes, so I think I can go to the club alone!"
But obviously didn't say that to her.
Anyways, we get to the club, I met Claire there, and we started dancing, and I start drinking, and we're just dancing, and then she's like, "You want to make out?"
Good question!
I'm like, "Oh my God, yes!"
And so we keep making out. She's being really friendly, touching my waist, and we just are dancing and like making out.
So cute and so in the moment!
She kept saying it, and in French too!
What was she saying in French?
Like, "Wow, we're so in the moment! Like, do you want to make out?"
Beyoncé!
Beyoncé! Do you want to make out?
She even told her friend that I was her new lover for the night!
Anyways, am I the f*** for making out with my friend's crush?
We only got each other's Instas and made out—that's it!
Also, P.S., I got back from the States a few days ago, and I got COVID!
Wow, f***! You're really putting the karma in your name, Karma!
Oh my God, is Karma your actual name, or is that like the code name for this little story?
I think that's the metaphor of it all!
Wow!
Oh my God, John Green could never!
Could never!
I wouldn't personally have done that, I don't think, Karma.
Yeah, I would have at least had a conversation with my friend first and been like, "Hey, uh, how y'all doing?"
No, I would have just been like, "So, I feel like she's hitting on me, but I know you like her. Ah, what do I do?"
I feel like it's tough! Like, if your friend approaches you saying, "I have a crush on this person," and you meet like through the understanding that this is this person's crush, then to kind of step in—
Yeah, I feel like that's where you say like just no!
Right? I think you might be a little bit of an a**hole, Karma!
Like, I've never—I don't think ever said that in any of my episodes of podcasting when I've done "You're the a**hole."
But I think you might be an a**hole, Karma!
I think Karma, if I may call you that, I think you know that!
It's always the people writing these like crazy stories that are like, "I think they all know that they're a**holes and they just want someone to tell them they're not."
But I cannot do that today, Karma!
They're looking for that one person to approve that journal entry!
Can't be us!
Okay, we have one more email. It is titled "I Ended Up in a Fight in Baja California, Mexico."
Which—wait, Baja California, Mexico? Is that a thing?
I'm just—okay, yes! Thank you for that!
Okay, I'm like just going to take it for value that it's Baja California, Mexico!
Sure!
Yeah, which absolutely sounds like something that is coming to Taco Bell's menu like immediately!
The new breakfast!
Hey guys, try the Taco Bell Baja California, Mexico!
So spring break of 2019, I was living in Baja California, and I decided to cross to Mexico with my friends to go clubbing.
We ended up taking a taxi to this area where you can go bar/club hopping. When we left one of the clubs, planning on walking to another club, we came across some drunk guys.
I think they were like seven—
Wait, I think they were like seven—like seven-year-olds?
Wait, they crossed the border?
Yeah, so they took a taxi in the California!
Yeah, so what's this b****'s name? Karma?
Karma 2: The Sequel!
Karma!
CLA!
Wait, hold on! What is the drinking age in Mexico?
18!
Why are there seven-year-olds?
I think there were seven of them!
Oh, I think—oh, okay! This is making a lot more sense!
I'm like, "Um, bro, why are some of your preschoolers in Mexico bar hopping, and why is the drinking age seven?"
Yeah, and why is the f***ing drinking age seven?
Okay, so we came across some drunk guys. I think there were like seven.
Yes! They started saying some stuff to us and got in our way. They were obviously looking for trouble.
My friends and I tried to avoid them, but one of the guys grabbed one of my friends, Beth, by the arm and didn't want to let go of her arm.
When I saw that, I was already a little drunk. I took my heel off and I hit the guy with it until he let her go!
Okay, girl boss!
Yeah, pop off! That is iconic!
And also, is there footage from this?
From there, it turned into a Royal Rumble between the seven guys and five of us—parenthesis, three girls, two guys.
This was like in a plaza outside across from the clubs. One of my friends, Carlo, was shirtless and bleeding from his mouth.
I lost my heels and scraped both my knees. My other friends were also messed up, but we "won," I guess!
Okay, oh my God! As soon as we heard the police, we started running and got in the first taxi we saw.
He took us to get some bomb tacos, and then he dropped us off at the border!
Wait, y'all are getting tacos?
I am so confused about the Ubering to the border!
I'm like confused about that, but also like the fact that they literally are bleeding, missing articles of clothing, and the taxi driver is like, "Let's go get tacos!"
Like, I'm so confused right now, but like I kind of want to be a part of this!
I do too! I feel like I'll never get to experience something like this, and it's making me sad in a way!
Same! Like, you know when you see a movie and like, I don't know, like someone takes off their heel and starts hitting someone?
It's like, I want to know what that feels like!
100%!
But I want the person to like fully deserve it!
Right! And in this case, they for sure did!
Yeah, like, okay, no, I guess I hear what we're saying, and what we're saying is we'd like to go across the border and get into a fight with seven people in Mexico via taxi!
But like, f***, let's go!
Who would our three other people be?
Um, I would want Drew. I feel like she would f*** a b**** up!
Okay, maybe Britney too!
That could be—yes!
And then let's throw in Connor, sure, just for some pure entertainment!
I love that!
Okay, I see Drew as the one with the shoe for sure!
100%!
She has that honor!
Yeah, I would absolutely be the shirtless and bleeding from the mouth!
I think I'm just like maybe vlogging it!
You're just doing like a little TikTok, "Day in my life: across the border to go clubbing!"
That's such a crazy concept too that like, yeah, there's people who I guess can literally just take like a taxi into Mexico, but then like on the way back, like the taxi's taking you through—like they're dropping you off at the border, and then you're walking through!
I don't know, we can move on!
Well, here we go!
Um, they dropped us off at the border. Now imagine five people crossing the border full of border patrol with no shoes, bleeding, no shirt, hair messed up, dirty!
Yeah, everyone was looking at us, and one of the officers goes, "Did you guys have fun?"
I love that!
The police in Mexico are just as useless as the police here!
100%!
They're like, "Wow, you guys look like you just got off of the set of Walking Dead reboot, but did you guys have fun?"
Like, high fives as they're walking across!
Are you allowed—hold on, I'm going to quickly Google this. Can you walk across the border into Mexico?
Like, is pedestrians crossing into Tijuana at the San Ysidro Crossing need to complete a Mexico visitors permit? But can you just walk across?
Yes, it is possible to enter by simply walking!
Wow, that's crazy! I had no idea!
Genuinely, no! Like, legit, neither! I thought you had to wait in like one of those really long lines, like a toll booth kind of thing!
Me too! Like, in my head, I saw just like an Uber like waiting in line with everyone in it!
Yeah!
Have you seen the movie We Are the Millers?
Yes!
That's what I was picturing!
That's exactly what I was picturing!
We're not getting accurate border representation!
No, we—this is it, Brooke and Chris! We demand accurate border representation!
Well, actually, I think that could probably go on a much larger scale in this country!
Probably!
Yeah, I think we all could use some more!
Okay, yeah, perfect!
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Let's get back to the episode!
Um, all right, we are going to move on, and um, we're going to get into the obsession of it all!
Now, you have a podcast, like you mentioned, called Obsessed with Brooke Avick!
Mhm!
And um, I want to see where you draw the line with it!
Okay, I'm excited for this!
So Unhinged Nation submitted their weirdest obsessions on the Instagram Unhinged with Chris Clemens, and we are going to go through some of the best ones to get your take!
I'm so excited!
I don't think there's anything I would draw the line at, but I say that now!
Yeah, so like you are like super down for any sort of obsessions as long as it's like safe, sane, and consensual!
I—yeah!
Okay, I get that! It's like let your freak flag fly!
Yeah, if it makes you happy and it's not hurting anyone, go for it!
I love this!
Okay, so I guess I'll be the more judgmental one in this equation!
The first person said, "Cleaning my ears with an ear camera."
I like that!
I'll be honest, there was a period of time where I was getting like really high and like going into my ear and just like watching the inside of my ear like it was an Oscar-nominated movie!
Like, I could not tear myself away!
You had an ear camera phase?
Huge ear camera phase! And then it died, and I just haven't gotten around to charging it in a few months!
That's fair!
Was this during the pandemic, by chance?
This was actually pretty recently!
Oh, so I can fully support that!
I mean, honestly, I really am not going to judge you because now I really want to like—that I've seen them on TikTok!
Like, I love a good medical TikTok that requires like no blood, no like cracking, no cutting of skin!
Like, that's the kind of medical profession I could get into!
100%!
Otherwise, no!
Were you ever afraid though that you would like pop your eardrum?
Um, I was just kind of waiting to see what happened, really!
Okay, love that!
Usually, like I'll just like do something like that and then go until I pop my eardrum, and then I'll stop!
Okay, work!
Wow, that's graphic!
I've never popped my eardrum! My friend did, and she was in the hospital for like three days!
Oh, that's actually horrible!
I didn't know it was that serious!
I didn't either! I thought it was just sort of like, "Well, you can't really hear much out of that ear!"
Mhm!
But yeah, no, I was like, "Okay, maybe I'll rethink Q-tips!"
And then I got back on Q-tips after like two days off!
Maybe I'll take more precautions when I charge my ear pin!
Yeah, when you're filming next time!
Uh, be careful next time I'm capturing my content!
The next obsession is the smell of Dawn dish soap!
I swear to God, I'm not huffing it! It's just too good!
Okay, I feel like there's better dish soaps out there though!
That's true!
I also am like curious what she means by obsession!
Like, do you just like the smell of Dawn dish soap, or are you like thinking about it all the time and like carrying it with you?
I mean, based off of their description, it seems pretty serious!
Like, it seems like it's getting hot and heavy!
Like, I'm not huffing!
Like, she clarified that they aren't huffing it, right?
You know what I was like huffing at one point though?
Poppers?
No, not poppers, but that like pink totally sunscreen!
I think it's like Copper Tone or I don't know, but it's like a kid's sunscreen, and it literally just smells like a kid at the beach!
Oh my God!
Oh my God!
With the girl who's like—
With the girl, yeah!
With the bikini bottom!
I saw it in CVS one day, bought it because I was like, "This will just like remind me of better times," and I couldn't stop rubbing it all over myself every day!
It's the best smell in the world!
Wait, why don't they have a candle?
Come on!
What is that girl's name?
Um, is it Copper Tone?
I—it's either Copper Tone or Cooper Tone!
Copper—Copper Tone sounds right!
Copper Tone sunscreen!
Oh, and the—okay, well the next thing that came up with Copper Tone was recall!
So, okay, perfect!
Yep, that checks out!
Have you tried that whipped cream sunscreen?
Literally just put that on yesterday!
The vacation one?
Yes!
Yes!
What do you think about it?
Um, it's like hard to believe that it's like protecting you from the sun, but I love it just for aesthetic purposes!
Oh, okay!
That's—and literally one like little dollop of it like will cover your whole body!
Whoa!
Yeah, because I always see people on TikTok talking about it, but then there's the f***ing TikTok Shop link, and I'm like, "I don't trust a single f***ing thing you say!"
I don't know who to believe anymore!
What do you think about TikTok Shop?
I just love asking people because I feel like the most bitter, annoyed b****!
I think it ruined TikTok, genuinely!
It ruined TikTok!
It's just now QVC!
It's all just products, which like I liked when I could believe you, but now that you're making money, I can't believe you!
No!
And it's like people are just fighting for their life to sell some s***, and I'm like, "Okay, listen, I get it because, hello, yes, started on YouTube, but come on, girl!"
Like, pump the brakes!
I just—I saw someone like promoting a f***ing cleanse, and I was like, "Oh wow, this seems to work for them!"
And then I see "eligible for commission TikTok Shop," and I'm like—
I mean, the second I see that eligible for commission, I swipe!
I'm swiping!
Same!
I'm glad we agree on this!
Yeah!
All right, the next obsession is putting Froot Loops in my ham sandwiches!
Mhm!
Okay, okay!
I really tried to contemplate not yucking their yum, but I—I don't—that's definitely a tough one!
Yeah, I'm having a hard time swallowing—not because it's an egg s***, a ham sandwich with Froot Loops on it!
But I like—I'm trying!
Like, I get the sweet and savory thing!
That's—yeah, exactly!
I was trying to think of like, is this like a charcuterie board?
Like some food with strawberry?
Right!
Like, I would even maybe understand like a jelly and ham sandwich more!
More than the Froot Loops!
Yes, exactly!
Like, that's what I was trying to—I don't—I guess if you enjoy it, great!
I think that this is kind of worth some jail time!
This feels a little excessive!
Yeah, maximum security facility! Log them up!
That is like a—I've never heard anything quite like that!
I was thinking the same thing!
I know that some people have like weird combinations with like peanut butter and like—I mean, I don't f***ing know!
I'm not going to try and pull one out of my ass right now!
All right, the next obsession is popping pimples!
Let me add them!
Are you a pimple popper?
Yeah!
Okay, are you?
Yeah!
Oh, there is nothing I love more than seeing a f***ing pimple form literally anywhere on my body, and f***, it's game on!
Game on!
And I have trouble even waiting until it's ready!
Like, I can't wait!
Yes!
Like, I'll scar myself!
I'm scarred everywhere!
Oh, 100%!
If I don't give a f*** if you tell me it's bad for me, I know—I can't hear you!
I know I can't hear you!
My skin looks great right now, and that's all I'm focused on!
Oh my God!
Do you ever like graze your skin and feel like just a slight bump, and you're like, "Oh, we got it! We got one!"
Uh-huh!
And then you're like in front of the mirror for hours just completely destroying, and then you can't go out of the house for the rest of the day, and then you're just bleeding!
Literally!
I try to reserve that for nighttime so that I can sleep it off!
I think that's really smart!
However, I've been doing that, and then I always end up doing it before I put on my skincare, and then I put retinol over like an opened bullet wound!
Mhm!
And it hurts so badly!
But oh my God, my favorite thing is when I get like a zit on my back!
And then like—oh, there is no challenge I love more in this lifetime than popping back knee!
And that's awesome because like you can't see the ones on your back, so it's like the sensory experience is even greater!
Yes!
Oh my God, I've never been able to like describe this like this because it's like when you like wear a blindfold and eat, your food is better!
Yes!
It's that kind of thing!
Oh my God, I've never thought about it like this, but that's exactly it!
It is like, oh my God, the most euphoric rush!
It's—it's like there's nothing like that!
I need to get one of those fidget toys that's like pimple popping!
Wait, what?
It's like they fill it with like a goo or something, and then you can just like—
You're—no, I swear! I think I saw it on TikTok Shop!
I—okay, I will make my very first TikTok Shop purchase today!
I might too!
Oh my God, wait! My skin is like, "Please get that! Please!"
At least I think it exists!
I don't think I made it up!
Pimple—I'm doing so many Google searches today!
Pimple popper fidget!
Oh my God, wait!
Oh my God!
On Amazon!
Funny pimple popping stress relief toy set! Squeeze out blackheads in nose to relieve stress! Novelty toys! Gifts!
Yeah, add to cart!
I'm literally getting you one as well!
I'll like get your address later, Chris!
That's too sweet! I don't deserve you!
No, I'm like so serious! I will do this!
I don't understand!
There's like four additions! There's an A edition, a B edition, a C edition, and a D edition, and they're all different price points!
Oh, we'll have to really dig deeper into it!
Yeah, I'm going to dig deeper into this when we're not like just fully recording a podcast episode!
But wow, you have opened not only my eyes but my apparent nose blackheads because holy s***, I'm so excited!
No, I'm really excited! I'm not joking! I will be sending you one of these!
There's so many of them! I'm shook by this!
Who knew? It's like a whole corner of the market!
Oh wow!
And there's one that's on a—that is actually horrifying!
Oh, it's like in the shape of the head of a—
You know, some corners of the market don't need to be tapped into just because you can!
Yeah, that actually really is such an image that I am not obsessed with!
Yeah!
Um, okay, the next weird obsession we have is toy unboxing videos!
I don't think that's weird at all!
No, I love unboxings! Like, no matter what you're unboxing, like I love consumerism!
No, isn't there like an 8-year-old on YouTube who's making like nine figures just opening s***?
I think they're like one of the richest YouTubers ever is the little toy unboxer!
So people obviously love it!
Toy unboxing YouTuber child!
I'm about to get so f***ing mad!
7.2 million subscribers!
Look up their net worth!
What is Toy Stars' net worth?
Is it a little—is it a boy?
It's like, uh, I am not really sure what it is!
Okay, I see a girl!
There's like three kids!
There's multiple!
Yeah!
Is this the right one?
Holy s***!
Four years ago, they have a video with 141 million views!
It's like a huge interest!
They have three videos above 100 million views!
Yeah!
What kind of toys?
Like dolls or—
Um, effects of junk food!
Wait, oh wait, this is giving like kids are the guinea pig vibe!
Kids pretend play cooking kitchen set!
Kids pretend play carnival winter games!
Oh, pretend play!
Holy p***!
Are you balloons, colors, and gadgets?
Wow, their titles and thumbnails are insane!
And maybe I need to learn something from them!
Toy Stars leaves no stone unturned to keep kids entertained and active!
There's going to be a documentary on this by the end of the year!
Oh, a th%—instead of quiet on set, it's going to be like quiet online!
Yeah!
Have you ever gotten like the mini brands?
No!
Okay, these—I mean, if you think anybody flying a private jet is an eco-terrorist, mini brands are the Al-Qaeda of eco-terrorism!
What is it?
They are these little spheres that you get, and you like unwrap the plastic!
The whole thing is just meant for ASMR!
I feel you!
Like, you undo the plastic, and it's a ball that comes apart into like eight sort of little mini compartments!
And in each compartment, you peel off like the lid, and there's like a little mini brand in there!
So they'll like have like food or toys or—I'm trying to think of other ones!
So like they had f***ing—I'm so bad at explaining things!
Mini brands!
Let me look it up!
Yeah, so they have like mini brand sneakers, so you'll get like mini versions of like real things that exist!
So they had like flaming hot Cheetos that are like mini!
They had books!
They have—oh, I'm—oh my God, the mini books are so cute!
Yeah!
I did not mean to get you addicted into something new because I know you are into books!
Oh no!
Oh no!
I fear—
I fear something's happening to me!
Yeah!
And I have truly never felt so much embarrassed and shame as being a late 20s adult going into Target and buying like seven of these!
Oh my God, wait!
I'm obsessed!
Look at—there's little Campbell soups!
Yes!
Oh my God, it's like there's little Old Bays, and they tell you like all the different ones you can get!
Holy s***!
No, it's so wasteful but so, so stimulating!
And I'm a collector at heart, and I feel like as adults, there's not so many things that you can collect!
Yes!
But these minis are about to bust my world like wide open on its hinges!
No, and what's great about being a hoarding adult is that these take up like no space!
You can just get a big gallon Ziploc baggie and just fill them, and it could be like cute decoration if you get like a bowl of sorts!
Yeah!
You can glue them and make like a picture for—I mean, there's just endless OP!
Anyways, go to my TikTok Shop and buy some mini—
Oh, that is so good!
No, watching—there was this one mini brander on TikTok who I would watch religiously!
She would have like a new one every hour, and it was so fun watching what she would get!
Oh, I'm like over the moon!
I didn't—there's a whole mini side of TikTok!
Oh, there is a whole mini brand side of TikTok!
Granted, this might have been like two years ago, so I don't know how active and strong it still is, but the mini brand universe has definitely expanded since then!
So I think the fan base is probably going pretty strong!
Oh, I am over the moon!
Is it in the toy section of Target?
Yeah, no, it's like pretty much right next to the Barbies!
Like, okay, perfect!
Being an adult man getting these is really a humiliating feeling!
Perfect!
It's not great, but it is a lot of fun!
Oh my God, why am I about to go buy some of these right now after this?
I mean, next time I talk to you, I'll have about 105!
I know it!
No, I'm like about to two-wheel it to Target!
Mhm!
All right, next up we have tattoo tour videos on YouTube!
I guess that's like people like showing off all of their tattoos!
Yeah, that makes sense to me!
That does!
I can't imagine like watching someone give a tour of their tattoos that I don't know or like care about!
Like, that to me seems a little personal to just be like meeting a stranger and then hearing about all their tattoos!
But I guess go off!
Yeah, it's harmless!
I guess it's kind of just like an art tour if you look at tattoos that way!
No, so true!
Yes!
I am just uncultured!
Thank you!
You're like, "Well, Chris, if you had some class and decorum, you would know that it's an art form!"
Well, Chris, surely you know I have a tattoo of a juice box that I have to remove because I didn't think for one second before I got it, and it's like hideous!
So have you gotten it removed?
I've had two sessions!
So it will be gone in about two and a half years!
Wait, whoa!
Okay, we're going to take a quick—I might be being scammed though!
I might be being scammed!
We're going to do not a mini brand but a mini detour!
So how bad does it hurt?
It's horrible!
That's what I've heard!
It really is like as bad as everyone says it is!
F***!
Like, if it was any bigger than this little juice box, I don't—is that the one?
Yeah, this one!
And you—it's like not even fading yet!
Oh, if it were any bigger than that, like I don't think I'd be able to handle it!
How many sessions do you have to do total?
10!
Stop!
I don't know if I'm being scammed or not!
I don't know either, but I have a feeling someone watching this episode will be able to tell you!
I thought it like kind of comes off in the first one!
I mean, they said it'll take like four to start—three or four to start seeing results!
I did pay up front, of course, or nor owner!
I'm locked into the experience!
Does the place have good reviews?
No, horrible!
Bro, you're lying!
It was next to my apartment though!
So Brooke, you're lying!
I like—I—Brooke, my goal is to like start thinking things through more as I move on!
F***, the tattoo is going to get like bigger and bolder!
It's not going to go away, and it's like looks like there's like a rash developing on it, which is sweet!
Why didn't you just get it like covered up with something else?
I don't want anything there!
Or got it—got it!
That, okay, that tracks!
Yeah, so I'll keep you updated on that!
Wow!
Yeah, I would love a tattoo removal tour update!
That would be a video I would watch!
Okay, perfect!
As of now, it's been four months, and there's no difference, and it's going strong, and it's getting darker!
It's grown a rash!
Yep!
All right, next up on the weird obsession tour, we have smelling my belly button!
I didn't know that belly buttons had a smell!
Did you?
No!
I'm going to quickly rub my finger around!
I'm always afraid that my belly button is going to come undone when I like—I was going to say finger my belly button, but I don't like do—
Okay, this is great!
It smells like slight toe!
Do you know what I—
I feel like mine's just like sweaty!
I'm not like dying to smell it!
Yeah, it just smells like a light toe!
I don't know how else to describe that!
Like, you know when you like clip your nails, and maybe there's like a slight—
Yeah, that's like horrible!
Okay, yeah, it's like that, but it's very gentle!
Yeah, okay, wow!
I really was getting scared that I was being too vulnerable and sharing too much!
I was like, "When you clip your toes, and it reeks!"
No, that's a universal experience!
I would hope!
Oh my God, wait, no, Chris, don't ask this one!
I was going to say, do—
We're not doing it!
Um, JoJo Siwa's Karma video promos!
This is someone's weird obsession!
I have to say it is also one of my weird obsessions!
Yeah, that makes—come on!
It's impossible for it not to be!
There is that one clip of Miss Siwa—I think like iHeartRadio is interviewing her or something, and I mean, I say that as if I haven't watched the TikTok quite literally maybe 400 times!
Where she was like, "Oh, what's a guest that I would want on my podcast? I'm going to spice things up and say my ex!"
And she acts like that is like—you would have thought she said like Hitler!
I was literally just about to say Hitler!
I even in this like bad b**** era, it's still so wholesome!
And she's like—there was like a Debbie Ryan energy to it too of like, "I walked into the head of Disney Studio and said I'm going to make history!"
Like, there's something about it that's addicting!
Yeah, for those of you who aren't aware of the Debbie Ryan-isms, you need to watch—like go to YouTube!
Your other homework besides emailing is going to YouTube and typing in Debbie Ryan like interviews, red carpet!
I can't imagine anything else would come up first before this!
It's incredible!
But she just tells the most insane story!
Like, she went through like this phase of just saying the most insane things!
The one that I quote daily is when she's like, "I cannot sit still! It scares me!"
I say it scares me like that so often, and people don't understand that it's a part of—
I'm like, "Yeah, it scares me!"
I love the one where she like pretends to throw the marshmallows in her mouth!
Have you seen that one?
Wait, I—I haven't!
Maybe—may—it's not marshmallows, but she's like—someone was like, "What are you good at?" or something, and then she's like, "Oh, like I can—"
Maybe—am I making it up?
I'm horrible at quoting things!
I'm—me too!
So like I can't think of one word she said!
I'm going to wait to look this up on the after show and see what this is because I eat up anything Debbie Ryan related!
It's good!
But yeah, that JoJo Siwa video has been something I return to so frequently!
Agreed!
Everything is just incredible!
And she looks like Old Greg!
Like, it's just incredible!
No notes!
Have you seen the music video?
No, actually, I haven't!
What?
I've just been watching whatever pops up on TikTok!
Okay, I'm honestly surprised there haven't been any like clips of her music video I've seen on TikTok!
Oh, I saw like her like grinding on the ground on top of someone else!
That I've seen!
Yes!
Okay, well then that is part of the music video!
That has to be a highlight!
The budget on the video must have been a lot because that was a lot of green screen and like CGI!
I was shook!
I'll have to watch the whole thing!
It's—I don't know if you still partake in the devil's lettuce, but I highly recommend a little bit of that beforehand!
For sure!
I'll incorporate it into my routine!
It's very necessary!
Next up, we have eating rice with ketchup!
I get it!
I get it!
I recently did it, but with some hot sauce as well!
It's kind of good!
If you're eating like chicken and rice and you dip it in ketchup, like that's good!
That's good!
No, I mean, I literally have never had chicken and rice dipped in ketchup!
So do you not dip your chicken in ketchup?
I love ketchup!
No, I—I love ketchup, but I've never had chicken and rice and then dipped it in ketchup!
I can't remember a specific time I have, but I'm sure there's been a time in my life where I've had chicken on my fork and rice on my fork, and I've dipped the chicken in ketchup, and there the rice and the ketchup interacted!
I'm sure that's happened, and I'm sure it was good!
I firmly believe that it was!
I think—oh my God, the last episode I recorded, I think I ate this like rice, ketchup, hot sauce concoction!
Wow, that's mortifying!
It was that recent!
Were you like a ketchup and mac and cheese girl?
There was like a brief moment in my life where I was like, "I'm going to be the girl that dips everything into ketchup!"
Like my salad and stuff!
No, because I just like wanted a thing, you know?
Did you dip your salad into ketchup?
Literally everything!
Wait, that's like—I feel like that would be good!
It wasn't bad, but I like got over it quickly because it's just like there's no point!
No, it's like anytime you overdo something like that, it really just ruins the fun!
And like no one cared either!
Yeah!
Were you like younger when you did this?
Yeah, I mean probably like second grade, wanting—needing attention!
Yeah, I did the same thing with pickles where I discovered that I loved pickles, and then I found out that relish was just chopped up pickles!
So I made—I took like half the jar of relish and put it on a sandwich, took one bite, and was horrified!
And then my mom made me finish the rest of it because I insisted on doing that!
Punishment fits the crime!
Yeah, there is nothing like losing joy as a kid over being just totally wrong!
Mhm!
Oh wow, this next one couldn't be more timely!
Pickles right before bed every night! I need it!
Yeah, I've been a huge pickles before bed girl!
Totally!
That's like the perfect like salty treat!
Have you ever dipped pickles in like ketchup or barbecue sauce or hot sauce?
I mean, again, like you have pickles on your burger!
I meant more so as like a deliberate high snack!
Like I literally like—well, I can't keep food in my house because it won't end well for me!
So like I have very little food in my house!
It's a lot of beverages, and one of the few things I have are pickle chips!
Oh my God, so good!
Pickle slices!
Oh, I thought you meant like the pickle-flavored chips!
But those two are good!
No, I would prefer the potato chips that taste like pickles!
But here we are!
Dangerous!
Yeah, but then I like take all the condiments in my fridge and I dip the pickles in them, and it's so f***ing good!
Oh, that sounds good!
Really recommend truffle with pickles!
Nuts!
Oh, I'll have to give it a try!
All right, the last one we have is Sudoku!
I cannot stop doing them!
I am not a math person!
I know you're really smart!
No, but I do love puzzles!
See, I love puzzles, but not Sudoku!
Oh, I love like anything on the New York Times crossword app!
That is—
Oh, have you done the—what is it?
The connections?
Yeah!
And my morning routine every morning in this order: Wordle, connections, but I can't finish it probably!
Then I do the mini crossword, and then I do strands—the new one!
Have you played that?
No, it's in beta!
You're like, "I am a beta tester!"
It is in beta, so you have to go like on Safari or whatever to find it, but it's so fun!
And then I go back and try to finish connections!
Do you ever do the major crossword or just the minis?
I can do the Monday and Tuesday!
Do they get harder throughout the week?
They get harder throughout the week!
Sunday's the hardest!
Oh my God, so try—like the Monday is like—you guys will be able to do it!
I do think that you're giving me more credit than I deserve, but thank you for believing in me when I don't!
No, I really—I know you can do it!
Okay, I did not realize they got harder throughout the week, but with how big of a deal people make about the Sunday crossword, that makes so much sense!
Yep!
Wow, New York Times, y'all really know what you're doing!
They do!
Um, but yeah, I don't f*** with Sudoku!
I couldn't do math outside of the box, let alone in it!
I do love Sudoku, so I get it!
But I do hate math!
Yeah, I really f***ing hate math!
I was like the last kid in—you do remember like taking those timed multiplication tests that are like 50 problems in a minute?
Horrible!
Yeah, I was the last person every year in my grade to finish!
Me too!
Just trauma!
I think that might actually be why I f***ing hate Sudoku!
Math should never be timed!
No, math is like a leisurely activity!
Yeah, if at all!
If anything!
Anyways, that is the end of our obsessions, and honestly, we have come to the end of the episode!
Thank you so much, Brooke, for hanging and being here!
Oh, I love you!
Like, I really love you and want to hang out with you!
I'd love that!
We can pop some pimples and have ourselves a—
[Music]
Day!
Don't play with popping pimples, girl! I'll be there!
I will too!
I'm going to send you that nose thing so you can practice!
Oh my God, I'm so excited!
Before we go, is there anything you want to promote?
Um, yeah, I guess Obsessed!
Anywhere you get podcasts!
And is he—what is it on YouTube?
Yeah, Obsessed with Brooke!
Is that the channel?
Obsessed with Brooke on YouTube!
Um, um, I guess that that's really it!
Brooke Avick on Instagram if you want!
Lady Efron on TikTok!
Yeah, you're—I was going to say you've got to shout out the TikTok!
I saw you just hit a million, by the way!
I hit it!
I don't know when, but it's been a minute, and I don't have—
It's been the same for like a year or so without any sort of movement, which is all good!
No worries!
Okay, yeah, that was—that backfired in my face, didn't it?
There's no worries!
I went and noticed today, and I was like, "Oh, she said a million!"
Okay, got it!
Yeah, no, I too have been stuck at the same place and declining!
Me too!
I'm going down, which is sweet!
Yeah, the creator landscape is really riveting at this time!
Definitely!
Thank you, TikTok Shop!
No, thank you, TikTok Shop!
All righty, thank you guys for tuning in for another episode of Unhinged with Chris Clemens!
Again, subscribe to Brooke's podcast, subscribe to this podcast, and we will see you guys on the after show!
Goodbye!
By the way, the after show's on patreon.com/chrisclemens!
Okay, now goodbye!