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And I said, "What do you mean you don't have families? There's no unadoptable child." Of course you know there's someone for every child, right? And she said, "No, we have this situation." I said, "Well, what in the world is it like? Why? How could there be a child that wouldn't be adopted?" She went on to explain that there was a baby girl in a geriatric hospice facility. She was two months old and was given two days to live at birth. Eight days later, we brought our Asher baby home.
She was two months old and five pounds. She was everything beautiful. She would smile and laugh; she knew her people, she knew who we were; she was just love. So we found that every member of our family, when experiencing grief after my mother died, when walking through hurt and trauma and loss, every member of our family went to Asher when they were happy, mad, sad—for all the emotions, because she just loved.
Well, Sefan and I got married back in 1994. At the time, we always thought we wanted two children. We thought it would be wonderful to have a girl and a boy. Then we had these great ideas of traveling the world, taking our kids along, backpacking through somewhere. You know, you have all the thoughts and dreams. So, right out of the gate, I guess I could say we did have a girl and then a boy. We had our Mica, and then, shortly after—two years after—we had Jacob. We thought our family was complete. Then, at eight and a half months old, our son passed away. We could not have more children biologically, and it was just another layer of hurt and loss. Sort of the dreams and hopes that we had of having that family died that day with him.
So we really wanted a house full of children. It didn't make sense; it didn't seem possible. But we were able to adopt a distant family member. So we had two girls. Again, we thought that was it; our family was complete. But there was still something deep down that caused me to desire to have more children and to have a baby again. Our son died at eight and a half months old, and so I sort of longed to have another baby that would go past that date, be in our home. So we started pursuing domestic infant adoption. There's this long, couple-page sheet of paper of what you're open to and what you're willing to accept as far as medical needs—maybe some mental illness, maybe exposure to drugs or alcohol. So we would go over the lists, and at the time we were kind of like, "Well, maybe we could do hearing loss; that didn't seem too overwhelming, or maybe a cleft palate that could be repaired." We were really at that place of, "You know, we probably could do that." So we would put ourselves out over and over again, and each time either we weren't chosen or the birth mom changed their mind and decided to parent. So we went through quite a few years of that.
Then, at one point, we heard about a summer hosting program in the Philippines for older children. We requested to host a 12-year-old boy from the Philippines, and he was named Baby Boy. His name was never changed; he was at school as a 12-year-old being called Baby Boy. We were not able to host him because his name said Baby Boy, and you can't get a visa with the name Baby Boy. So we said, "Okay, then we'll adopt him." Then, less than a year later, we learned about three biological brothers. I told our social worker, "Please let me know when someone says yes to these boys because they're heavy on my heart. I've been praying for them night and day. I know they need to have a family, and time was of the essence because of their ages." She said, "Would you consider adopting them?" And I'm like, "Well, no, because there's this two-year law that you can't adopt for two years in between adoptions, and it only had been a year that we brought Aaron home." She said, "If they make an exception, would you adopt them?" So we said, "You know what? We'll pray about it." And we started to pray. That Sunday, our pastor—he never does this—but he did a series on Christmas carols, and the one he chose that Sunday was "O Come, O Come, Emmanuel." He broke it down into "Em" and "Manuel," and together it means "God is with us." Their biological names are Em and Emmanuel. The craziness of someone naming their children that closely together, and then for those specific names to be called out and to say, "God is with us; trust me, you can do this; he has you." So we said yes. The Philippines said yes. So we had six, and we were done.
We went to a picnic with our adoption agency, and on the way there, my husband said, "We're not adopting again; like, we're done." So I said, "Oh yeah, that's—we're good; we're good. We're in the thick of it; like, we are not adopting again." The adoption coordinator was sharing with me that it's easy to place infant, healthy children, but those older children with special needs—we just don't have families. And I said, "What do you mean you don't have families? There's no unadoptable child." And she went on to explain that there was a baby girl being kept comfortable to die in a geriatric hospice facility. She was two months old and was given two days to live at birth. She was struggling, and so they did not anticipate her being able to live. So we had no money; we've really never had the money to adopt. We decided to go out on paddle boats at this picnic, and Kylie and I went on a paddle boat with Daddy and said, "Hey, there's this baby, and we don't want her to die without a family." He said, "This makes no sense; we don't have anything. We need to adopt this baby; we're not even—we're not even home study ready at this point. We would have to redo our home study involving the last three boys that came home." And he listed all the things that I mentioned: we don't have the money, we didn't have insurance that could cover her major medical, we owed this money back for the interest-free loan we had to bring the boys home. I looked at him and I said, "We can't make any of that happen, but God can. All he needs is a yes and a willing heart. We can't put money in our bank account; we can't do any of those things, but if he wants it to happen, he can do it." Eight days later, we brought our Asher baby home.
She was two months old and five pounds, and she was everything beautiful with the world. People saw things in Asher; she reached the core of them in ways that other people couldn't. We were warned that the doctors really thought we had a Pollyanna view of her disabilities. She had a terminal illness, and they said, "I don't think you understand; she doesn't have the lobes of her brain; there's just spinal fluid." She had a very, very small portion of her cerebellum and a brain stem, and that's all she had. And they said, "She won't see, she won't hear, she won't recognize anybody, she won't experience emotions." And they were very wrong. When it comes to Asher, she would smile and laugh; she knew her people; she knew who we were. Sometimes people say it takes a special family to raise a special-needs child, and it's not true. We're not special; we're not anything wonderful or different; we make mistakes like everyone else; we struggle with lack of sleep like everyone else—you know, all the things. But the reality is we need the special that they bring to our life; like, we are all better for having known Asher and having her in our family.
After Asher passed away, my arms were very empty. She was a 45-pound little girl, so I was used to carrying and having 45 pounds attached to me at all times. After she died, there was just such a—you know, my arms were just aching. Some people would say, "Why would you put your children through that again? Why would you consider bringing another child with special needs into your home after they've experienced the loss or after they've lived through hard beginnings and things like that?" But what we've learned is that they bring so much laughter and love and beauty and healing into our lives—joy. I really wanted to adopt a child with Down syndrome. We had met several children with Down syndrome, and there was something so beautiful about their lives and about their journey. I get this phone call, and she said, "Well, there's a baby boy." And I said, "Yes," because I had been praying for a baby boy. And she said, "Well, he has Down syndrome." I said, "Okay." And she said, "But he has a very serious heart defect." I said, "Okay." And she said, "And he was born missing the lower part of his digestive track." So is that it? And she said, "Well, yeah." I said, "Well, then yes." And sweet Zaden—he was a month and a half old when we were able to bring him home. He did have major medical; he still does, actually. He walks; it's sort of a difficult journey, and the perseverance this young man has is astonishing. That's four and a half years old; he was put under almost 80 times already, but can I tell you his beauty and resilience? Everywhere we went, he just waves; he loves people, and he gets smiles out of people all the time.
We knew that we wanted another young one to grow up with him. So I remember going to Africa on a mission trip, and before I left, my wife said, "If I get a call from the agency that there's a child with Down syndrome—a little girl—I'm going to say yes, even if you're not here." And I said, "Well, that's not going to happen." Well, it happened. We brought her home at 24 hours old, and he met her about a week later. She is just full of joy—also full of sass—but full of joy. She's a perfect balance with her brother. Mila is not at all like Zaden. Zaden doesn't know a stranger; he loves people; he would choose to be with people and interact and talk and give high fives and fist pumps more than the best toy that's on the market. And she is spicy and so much fun; she has very strong opinions and is very bright; she is a deep thinker and can see cause and effect and is very curious to see how things work. They keep us busy, and they keep us young, but we absolutely love it.
But it's my challenge to all men out there that we need to stop just thinking about our late stage in life—to retire, play golf, go fishing. These are all fun things, but what's your purpose in life? What kind of legacy are you going to leave behind? I want my children to see that there's somebody in their lives that steps out of their comfort zone to try to make the world a better place, to really try to impact the world around us. Not saying that everybody needs to leave everything behind and be missionaries, but even the impact of bringing one child home and changing that child's life—that is so important; that is so important. Children with special needs are lined up waiting for families to welcome them in their home, and it is a calling. Make sure you and your wife are in agreement, but if your wife is usually asking about adoption or fostering and you're hesitating, there might be some issue there. You need to be honest with yourself. I've done that. My wife comes with a story of an idea of wanting to adopt, and I have both feet on the brake, and the parking brake is up, and the Lord just keeps releasing one at a time. And then, as much as I dreaded it, now I couldn't see my life without it. They just have the ability to love people for who they are; they don't care what your wardrobe looks like; they don't care if you're a doctor, a firefighter, or work at the convenience store, or any job in between, or if you're homeless on the street; Zaden would give you a hug because he sees you for the person you are. So we consider ourselves extremely privileged to have been able to walk this journey with them. Thank you for watching this story. My dad and I are so happy that we get to do this, and it all started when we began the journey to make a movie inspired by our friend Jay, who has Down syndrome. The movie is called *Made with Love*. As we work on raising the money to shoot the film, we've met incredible people in the Down syndrome community whose stories have inspired us. Every person has a superpower, and for individuals with Down syndrome, those superpowers shine in the most incredible ways. We proudly partner with Rod's Heroes, a 501(c)(3) nonprofit dedicated to uncovering and celebrating the unique strengths, talents, and limitless potential of individuals with Down syndrome. We do this by showcasing their incredible abilities, inspiring families to open their hearts and answer the call to adopt children with Down syndrome, and empowering communities to step up, support, and uplift individuals with Down syndrome, creating a world where they are seen, valued, and given every opportunity to thrive together. We're not just changing lives; we're changing the world. Join us in making a difference. Visit rods.org to learn how you can get involved, donate to support our mission, and meet the incredible children waiting for their forever families.