Transcription
Translator: Brikena Kqiku
Reviewer: Albanita Blakaj
What an intriguing group of people you are... for a psychologist. (Laughter) I had the chance to listen to some of your conversations over the past few days and to see how you interact with each other.
And I think it's fair to say, right now, that there are 47 people present in the audience, at this moment, who display psychological symptoms that I want to discuss today. (Laughter) And I thought you might want to know who you are. (Laughter)
But instead of addressing you directly, which would be unreasonable and annoying, I thought I would share some facts and stories in which you might find a piece of yourself.
I am in the field of research known as personality psychology, which is part of a larger science of personality that encompasses a wide spectrum, from neurons to narratives.
What we try to do, in our way, is to give meaning to how each of us—each of you—is, in some aspects, like everyone else, like some other people, and like no one else.
Now, you might already be saying to yourself, "I am not intriguing. I am the 46th most boring person in the Western Hemisphere." Or you might be telling yourself, "I am intriguing, even if most people see me as a big, noisy joke." (Laughter)
But it is your self-defined boredom and your natural "smartness" that truly impresses me as a psychologist. So let me explain why this is the case.
One of the most influential approaches in the science of personality is known as trait psychology, which directs you toward five dimensions that are normally separated and describe universal aspects of differences among people. They form the acronym OCEAN.
So, O represents openness to experiences versus those who are more closed. C represents conscientiousness in contrast to those who have a more laid-back approach to life. E is for extraversion in contrast to more introverted people. A represents agreeableness in contrast to those who are disagreeable. And N stands for neuroticism in contrast to those who are more stable.
All of these dimensions impact our well-being and the course of our lives. And we know that, for example, openness and conscientiousness are good predictors of success in life, but open people achieve success through being bold and occasionally quirky.
Conscientious people achieve it by meeting deadlines, persisting, and having a bit of passion. Extraversion and agreeableness are both helpful for working with people.
Extraverts, for example, seem intriguing to me with my lessons; I sometimes give them a fundamental fact that can be revealing about their personality. I tell them that it is practically impossible for adolescents to lick the outside of their elbow. (Laughter) Did you know this?
By now, some of you have tried to lick your elbow. But among you, the extraverts are those who not only have tried but have successfully done it to the person sitting next to them. (Laughter)
These are the extraverts. Let me delve a bit deeper into extraversion because it is important, intriguing, and helps us understand what I call our three natures.
The first is our biogenic nature—our neurophysiology. The second is our sociogenic nature, which relates to the cultural and social aspects of our lives. And the third is what makes us who we are—idiosyncratic—what I call your "idiogenic" nature.
Let me explain. One of the things that characterize extraverts is that they need stimulation. And this stimulation can be achieved by finding exciting things: loud noises, parties, and social events here at TED—you see extraverts forming a magnetic wrap. They all gather together.
And I have seen you. Introverts tend to spend more time in quiet spaces, up on the second floor, where they can reduce stimulation—and where they can be free from being antisocial, but you are not necessarily antisocial.
It may be that you simply understand that you do better when you have a chance to lower that level of stimulation. Sometimes it is an internal stimulation, from your body. Caffeine, for example, has a better effect on extraverts than on introverts.
When extraverts come into the office at nine in the morning and say, "I really need a cup of coffee," they are not joking—they really need it. Introverts are not like that, especially if the tasks they are engaged in—and if they have had coffee—if these tasks require speed, and if they are quantitative, introverts may leave the impression of not being particularly quantitative.
But that is a misunderstanding. So here are some conclusions that are quite intriguing: we are not always as we seem, and this brings me to another point.
I should say, before this, something about sexual relationships, even though I may not have time. So, if you want—yes, would you want? Alright. (Laughter)
Studies have been done on the frequency with which individuals engage in marital acts, divided by males, females; introverts, extraverts. So, I ask you: How many times per minute—excuse me, this was a study with mice. (Laughter) How many times a month do introverted men engage in the act? 3.0.
And extraverted men? More or less? Yes, more. 5.5—almost twice as much. Introverted women: 3.1. Extraverted women? Honestly, speaking as an introverted male, which I will explain later—they are extraordinary. 7.5.
They not only engage with extraverted men, they even choose some introverts. (Laughter) (Applause)
We communicate differently, as extraverts and introverts. Extraverts, when interacting, want to have many close social meetings. They want to have proximity for more comfortable communication. They like to have eye contact or reciprocal gazes.
In some research, we found that they use shorter terms when they meet someone. When an extravert meets a Charles, he quickly becomes "Charlie," then "Chuck," and later "Chuckles Baby." (Laughter)
Whereas for introverts, he means "Charles," until he is allowed to become closer to the person he is talking to. We speak differently. Extraverts prefer black and white, specifically, simple language.
Introverts prefer—I must tell you again that I am so introverted that you cannot imagine—we speak differently. We prefer contextually complex, random, and intertwined sentences. (Laughter) More or less. (Laughter)
However you say it. (Laughter) Not to add a better point to it like this. When we speak, we sometimes speak in turn.
I had a consulting contract together with my colleague who is as different from me as it is possible to be. First, his name is Tom. Mine is not like that. (Laughter)
Secondly, he is nearly two meters tall. I tend not to be. (Laughter) And thirdly, he is the most extraverted person you can find. I am seriously introverted. I am overwhelmed; I can't even drink a cup of coffee after three in the afternoon and expect to fall asleep at night.
We had been working on this project with a guy named Michael. And Michael almost brought the project to a crisis. The person who proposed it asked Tom and me, "What do you see in Michael?"
I will tell you what, Tom said simultaneously. He spoke typically "extraverted." And here is how the ears of extraverts heard what I said, which is quite accurate. I said, "Michael tends to behave in a way that some of us might see as more secure than normal." (Laughter)
Tom rolled his eyes and said, "Brian, here’s what I said: he is an idiot." (Laughter) (Applause)
Now, as an introvert, I can certainly mention some "idiotic" qualities in this man's behavior, but I will not get caught up on the word. (Laughter)
But extraverts say, "If he walks like a donkey, if he talks like a donkey, I call him a donkey." And we pass each other. Is this something we should be aware of? Certainly. It is important that we know this.
Is this all that we are? Are we just a bunch of traits? No, we are not. Remember, you are some people but like no one else.
What about your idiosyncratic self? Like Elizabeth or like George, you can share your extraversion or neuroticism. But are there some distinctive Elizabethan characteristics in your behavior, or Georgian that make us see you as more than just a bunch of traits?
This makes us love you—not just because you belong to a certain type of person. I do not feel comfortable putting people in a difficult position. I don’t even think that pigeons belong to their nests.
So, what makes us different? It is the deeds we do in life—personal projects. You may have a personal project, but no one here knows it.
This relates to your children—you have been to the hospital three times, and they still do not know what is wrong. Or it could be your mother. And you would step out of yourself. These are free traits.
You may be agreeable, but act disagreeably instead of breaking those awkward barriers in the hospital to get something for your mother or child. What are these free traits?
They are when we design a scenario to successfully achieve a fundamental project in life. And these are what matter. Do not ask people what type you are; ask, "What are the fundamental projects in your life?"
And we apply these traits. I am an introvert, but I have a fundamental project, which is to give lectures. I am a professor. And I admire my students, and I admire my field.
And I can’t wait to tell them the news, what is exciting, what I can’t wait to share. So I act in an extraverted way because at eight in the morning, students need a bit of humor, a bit of engagement to motivate them to continue on the tough days of studying.
But we must be careful when we act outside of ourselves. Sometimes we may feel like we are not taking care of ourselves. I think, for example, after a while of behaving like an extravert, I need to clarify myself somewhere alone.
As Susan Cain said in her book "Quiet," in a chapter where she presented the remarkable Canadian professor who taught at Harvard, sometimes I go to the men's bathroom to avoid the rubber bands and arrows of the cruel extraverts. (Laughter)
I remember one day when I was secluded in a cubicle to avoid excessive stimulation. And a true extravert came close, not in my cubicle, in the adjacent cubicle—and I could hear the evacuating noises, which we hate—even if they are ours, which is why we flush the toilet after but also during. (Laughter)
And then I heard this loud voice saying, "Hey, is Dr. Little there?" (Laughter) If there is one thing that guarantees an introvert's irritation for six months, it is talking in the restroom. (Laughter)
This is where I am going now. Do not follow me. Thank you. (Applause)