Transcription
Hi guys, it's um 1:45 in the morning, and I'm finally by myself, which I know doesn't sound that crazy to be by yourself at 1:45 in the morning, but um, this week's been pretty hectic, and there have been a lot of people—um, a lot of people around telling me what to do, giving me advice, trying to help me most importantly. And that was a lot, and now I just want to be able to do this and just shoot straight into the camera and talk to you guys.
I've put myself in a lot of situations where I needed to apologize for my past actions, and I've never done this correctly, and I've never done this respectfully. My last video is a testament to that. I don't want to defend that video; I don't want to delete that video. I just want to be clear: what this video isn't going to be is me discrediting Trisha, Kat, or any other woman involved. I'm going to be using words that may trigger some survivors, and that's just so I don't explain anything vaguely and I can explain every situation appropriately.
I want to start this video off by saying I fully believe the woman who came out against Dom and said she was sitting by him as it was reported. The next day, I got consent to post the video. Even though I got the consent to post that video, I should have never posted it. What I understand now, and I didn't understand before, is that she sent that text because she felt like she had to, not because she wanted to, and that's messed up, and I'm sorry. When she later reached out a couple of months later to take the video down, I immediately took it down. I want to apologize to her and her friends for forever putting them in an environment that I enabled that made them feel like their safety and values were compromised. I'm so sorry.
I was completely disconnected from the fact that when people were invited to film videos with us, especially videos that relied on shock for views or whatever it was, that I was creating an unfair power dynamic. I did not know this before; it was completely wrong, and I wish I was more responsible, and I wish I was more aware at the time. I'm so sorry I missed that. I didn't know what was going on in that room, and I should have been there, and I should have been making sure that everybody involved was taken care of and wasn't uncomfortable.
I don't want to use buzzwords to try to justify this or explain this, but all I can say is people felt like they had to be silent for the sake of my video, and that's not right, and it's messed up, and I'm sorry. I also want to acknowledge the women that spoke out against Dom in 2018. I'm talking about Ally, and then I'm talking about other girls that addressed their problems privately or publicly. I'm sorry I didn't listen to you guys. I am sorry that I took Dom's word for what happened in those certain situations, and I didn't believe you. Not only did I not believe you, but I made a joke of what kind of a person Dom was because I couldn't wrap my head around a childhood friend of mine doing this to people and actually hurting people, and I'm sorry for that.
Not only did I discredit you, but I platformed Dom, and not only did I platform Dom, but I platformed the subject of sex in a negative way where I made jokes about it and reinforced that kind of behavior, and I'm so sorry. I really let not only you down but a lot of people down— a lot of people that watch me, and my friends and family. For that, I made the decision to no longer film with Dom in 2019. I'm not saying my content has been brilliant since then, but that's when I first started taking into account the power dynamic and what influence I had on people that I was filming with.
But what I didn't do is I didn't go back to any of these women and apologize. I kind of moved on, and I learned from it, and I grew from it, but I didn't address the situation with these women. I'm not talking publicly; I'm saying even privately I didn't reach out to any of these people, and that breaks my heart knowing that I was doing all this stuff and I was making all this content while there were people that were still really hurt by what I made before. My content shifted to be more responsible and positive. I said and did things that were really offensive, and I called them bad jokes, and I can't even call them bad jokes. It was cowardly of me to say in my last apology that I missed the mark because it's gross, and I'm sorry.
A lot of people reached out to me saying cancel culture is bad, and you need to fight back, and you need to call people out, and I don't agree with how this should be taken at all. I think when there is a crisis, there's a serious opportunity to correct yourself, to learn and improve, and to make sure those mistakes don't happen again. That's what is so important: to hold yourself accountable. I think with this situation, there's a lot I can look at, and there's a lot I can learn from, but there are a lot of mistakes that I made, and I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry for everybody I've let down. I'm sorry to my family, and I'm sorry to my friends that I'm embarrassed, and that this won't happen again.
I might take a short break from all the social media stuff because I realize there's a serious lack of infrastructure when I make any kind of content, and I want to be able to have a place of checks and balances. I want to have HR, and I want to be able to have people communicate discomfort in a way that's comfortable to them and where they don't feel like their emotions or what they're doing or how they're acting is compromised. It doesn't feel right to go back to posting like I have been, and it also doesn't feel right to go dark because I love what I do. But I think it is important to show that change is possible and that I'm learning. Maybe even forgiveness is possible.
I want to use this opportunity to step up and own my mistakes, and like I said before, I've never done an apology the right way. I'm sure I'm going to look back at this, and I'm going to be pissed at some things that I didn't say or I wish I could have added more, but this is my beginning to that, and I'm sorry for everybody that I hurt. I also want to add that I'm making myself available to anyone that wants to reach out that I've hurt in the past. I want to be able to hear and understand from yourselves, and I'll be reaching out on my own to some people because I still have a lot of learning to do. I think when you talk to other people, especially about experiences like this, it really helps you see things in a different way.
But yeah, I'm sorry if this video was all over the place. I just wanted to sit and talk and ramble, and I really truly hope that someone can take something away from this experience—that another creator can take away from this. I know it feels crazy, and I know how crazy it felt to me that there was some sort of toxicity or some sort of power dynamic in my friend group. But really, just take the moment, especially when creating content that you're trying to get viewership out of or you're trying to get laughs out of—like really take a moment and look at where the jokes end and where the feelings begin because I think that's so incredibly important.
Okay, I'll see you guys. Bye.