Transcription
Board. It is live. All [Music] right, let's go. Hey everyone, welcome back to my mobile office. And you might be asking yourself, why am I recording from the car? Well, many of you do know my situation. And if you don't know my situation, then I would ask that you please go to my video titled "So You Failed Your Board Exam," and you can catch up on my life there.
So now today, before we get into the actual educational part of the podcast, I do want to say something, uh, very important to you because if you've been following me for a while, you'll know that there's some things that just seem to be a theme that I will share resources about. Like, I'll share resources about suicide prevention. I will share resources on domestic violence or domestic abuse. And it's because in my life, I've been so close to both of those things. So that's why you might have seen when I have this feeling, I will share the resources so that people who are following me will know that they're not alone and there are resources out there.
So if you are listening to this and you're currently in a relationship where you don't feel safe, where you feel like you're being controlled, where you feel like you are being verbally abused, please know that you don't have to face it alone. And there are people that can help you. And I will include some resources in the description of this episode so that you can find people that can help you.
Now, one of the things that I discovered that's new to me is something called Leela. That's L-I-L-A dot help. That's a website that you can go to. They are in over 90 countries out there and they can put you in touch with local trusted counselors, local trusted helplines that you can go to and get the help that you need.
Now, another resource that I found is for people who are younger or maybe you're a student and you have text messaging. So, you can actually text message "love is," that's L-O-V-E-I-S, to 22522. And that would be texting something called Love is Respect, where you can also get help as well. And the websites and all the phone numbers that I just mentioned are going to be in the description of this episode.
Now, all the websites when you do look at them, if you look at the "About Me" page or the FAQ section, you're going to see that it's predominantly saying that they support women. And that's because women are more statistically affected by what we're talking about. But men also experience it as well. So, you know, for example, I myself was in, uh, an abusive relationship for literally over 3 years, almost 4 years. And for me, I didn't realize the trauma that it had on me until I had like these recurring nightmares where I would find myself back in the situation again, back with that person again. And there was just this, this palpable, this feeling of just dread that I would have in that dream, in that nightmare. And I, and I remember I would perseverate. I would just keep saying no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Like I, I was in there again. And so that feeling was just so real, that fear would go through my entire body during that nightmare. It just felt really real. And it wasn't until I was driving and I heard on the radio a commercial actually, and they was talking about signs that you're in an abusive relationship. And when they listed out all the signs, that's when it really clicked for me. And that's when it made me realize I was in an abusive relationship. And when you realize it, when you finally come to terms and say, "Yes, that's what is happening or that's what was happening," that's when the healing can actually begin for you.
So, hi. If you're listening to this and you're in a relationship where you feel completely controlled, you feel like you're isolated from your family, from your friends, and you know the relationship isn't a good thing because you just don't feel right about it. You don't feel safe and you feel completely dependent on your partner, even though you're physically or verbally abused by them. And that feeling can be really confusing because you almost stick up for them. And even though they're verbally abusing you, even though they are berating you, even though they're making you feel suppressed, like they're suppressing your independence, you feel like, "Oh, like, no, that's just, they're having a bad day." Or, "Oh, I can get through this." Or, "Oh, I, I'm the only one that understands them, so I need to be here. They need me." Or you feel like, "Oh, it's going to get better." And the thing is, it doesn't get better. You might think, "Oh, I'm just, I'm just overreacting. I'm just imagining all of this." Well, you're not. And I'm here to tell you, I want you to listen to this really carefully. You're not overreacting. You're not imagining it. And asking for help is not a sign of weakness. Asking for help is actually a sign of strength. And that you, you deserve help. And there is help out there. You're not alone in this. You can reach out to the resources that I mentioned and I'll leave all of them in the description of this episode.
And so with all that said, why am I talking about this prior to the episode? Well, I'm talking about this because a viewer or a listener actually left a really powerful comment that's been just sitting on my heart for quite a while now. And they basically asked if we could do an episode on relationships that affect the liver, like a relationship that is a verbally abusive one where the partner is very controlling and how the stress from that affects the body and what can be done to solve that. And when I read that, I just wanted to reach out through the computer screen and just, just pull them out of the situation, save them because I know that that comment took a lot of courage and I know that that person was asking for help. I, I feel that I can, I understand that feeling. And so if you're listening to this and you're thinking, "Hey, that's, that's me too. I am in this." Just know this. You, you are not alone. You have friends. You have family you can reach out to. The resources that I mentioned. There's literally local helplines with trained people that can help you because they've helped others. They help them make a plan. They help listen. They just help in whatever way you need. So, just reach out.
So for this episode, since this user asked about the liver and how the liver plays a role in all this, I'll answer that question from a Traditional Chinese Medicine perspective. But I do just want to say this, that, you know, asking that question, it makes it sound like you're the problem. And I just want to say that you are not the problem.
So to answer the question in terms of Traditional Chinese Medicine, so the liver, we know that the liver has a function to govern the smooth flow of chi. Now, this smooth flow of chi is both from a physical sense and also from an emotional sense. Now, overall, when we're in good health, the flow of chi in our body is going to flow freely. It's going to go through our organs, going to go through all our cavities, our channels, everything. Nice and flowy, nice and free, no pain.
Now, from an emotional perspective, from a relationship perspective, when we're in healthy relationships, our chi flows freely. We're able to be free and express ourselves and be ourselves freely. We feel safe. We feel loved. We feel like we're able to grow and thrive and flourish.
Now, on the other hand, if we are in a toxic relationship, when we're with someone who's controlling our behavior, when they're verbally abusive, when they're constantly dismissing us or suppressing us down, the smooth flow of chi in your body gets blocked. And the liver, as an organ, the liver organ hates being blocked. And so, what this creates in your body is it creates liver chi stagnation. And liver chi stagnation is going to lead to symptoms like mood swings, like irritability. It's going to make you feel like you're stuck. It's going to make you sigh. Like you're going to just find yourself going. It's going to give you digestive issues. It's going to give you even like chest issues. Like you're even going to have headaches.
Now, with the mood swings, with the irritability, that also can be repressed. It can be internalized. And so that liver chi stagnation can actually just be expressed as frustration. And so I say that because I hope you realize that just because your anger is not outward, it doesn't mean that it's not happening inside your body. Because frustration inside your body doesn't mean that everything's just okay. Because over time, even frustration internalized, because it's liver chi stagnation, can actually generate heat. And that heat, if it's untreated, can actually lead to liver fire. And what happens with liver fire? Well, liver fire manifests as explosive anger. That's when you get the eruptions of an outburst of anger. That's when you get the red eyes, the high blood pressure, the red face, the anxiety, the panic attacks. Even that's when you get trouble sleeping.
So yes, emotions, especially when they affect you in a negative way, when they become an internal cause of disease, they can create actual physical symptoms. So a toxic relationship can of course absolutely create real physical symptoms. And that's because there's this relationship between your emotions, your spirit, and your body. Your emotions, they are, they can be internal causes of disease. And each of your organs, they correspond with a specific emotion. So, for example, we're talking about the liver. The liver corresponds with anger. The heart corresponds with joy and so on and so forth. And so, these emotions on a day-to-day basis, they're normal until they're not, until they become excessive, until they become prolonged, until they become even actually repressed for a long time. And so, for example, when your emotions become an internal cause of disease, they can actually affect the spirit. They can actually affect the body. And so your emotions can affect the way you present yourself in terms of spirit. They can make you full of spirit or they can make you spiritless. Emotions can also affect your body. That's inclusive of your physical body. That's also inclusive of your chi. That's also inclusive of your blood. That's also inclusive of your body fluids. So basically, emotions can affect your spirit and vice versa. Spirit can affect your body and vice versa. And then emotions can affect your body too and vice versa. All of it is connected.
So if you're in a toxic relationship and you feel anger and you can't express it, you're just repressing it, then there's liver chi that's stagnating. Your spirit is going to become restless. You're going to have anxiety, panic attacks. Your sleep is going to be affected. Your body is going to be affected. You're going to have tension in your neck, tension in your back, headaches. You're going to have digestive issues. Your poop is going to be pebbly. Just everything is going to be going wrong.
And so I hope for the acupuncture students that are studying for the board exams, I hope that you understand and appreciate the gravity of learning about something so simple as the correspondence between the liver and its emotion of anger. Because yes, theoretical questions like this can be asked on your board exam. But when you're a fully fledged acupuncturist and you're working with real people, it's more than just words on a computer screen or words on a paper. You're dealing with real people and their real problems. So, it's an honor to be able to learn all of this and it's an honor to be able to help people out there through real things.
So, in terms of like a real-world application, your patient that's coming into your office, they might be in a relationship where they feel like they can't speak freely. They might be in a relationship where they feel like they're constantly walking on eggshells. They might feel like they are being controlled, like they're being dismissed, like they're being blamed for everything. They might be constantly yelled at or criticized. And so, that's a very frustrating life to live. It's a very oppressive life to live. And it directly affects their liver and it directly affects their body. And the only time they might have some privacy and be able to work on themselves is when they're in the treatment room with you alone. And so it could be really important for you to understand and recognize those signs so that you can help them and you can point them in the right direction towards those resources, those professional helplines that can help them.
So if this sounds like you, I just want you to remember that it's not your fault. You might feel tired. You might feel checked out. You might feel completely disassociated. You might be emotionally numb. And you might feel like your body is constantly tensed up, like it's bracing for someone to attack them. And that's because it's your chi. It's your qi that's protecting itself. It's your chi that's protecting your body. Your chi is in survival mode.
So now, what can you do? So besides reaching out to those trusted resources, besides reaching out to your friends, your family, and actually listening to them, taking action and listening to the helplines, besides all that, there are some solutions from Traditional Chinese Medicine. Some I'll share with you just theoretical, but some I'll share with you from actual lived experience.
So number one, you have to unblock the liver chi, and you have to do this in a really gentle way. You have to soothe the liver chi, which acupuncture definitely helps with that. So consistently I would use points like Liver 3, Gallbladder 34, Pericardium 6, Ren 17, and I would pair those points with deep breathing. I would pair those points also with visualization of taking direct action, like actions of, "I'm going to get myself out of this situation. I'm going to call the helpline."
Now, another thing is just moving. Movement is a really important way and a really easy way for the liver to be soothed. Any kind of movement will help soothe the liver. So that could be as simple as stretching your muscles, that could be twisting your spine, that can be just walking outside and getting fresh air. All of that can help with soothing the liver.
Now, another thing to help is to find outlets to express yourself, to get things off of your chest and out of your head because the liver is stagnant. The liver chi is stagnant. So it needs to flow. So when you unblock all that's on your chest, when you unblock all that's on your heart, your liver can flow a little more smoothly. So one way to get it out of your mind is actually to journal. To take pen and paper and get everything that's happening out onto a piece of paper. Journaling like that can actually help you clear your mind and it can help you make better decisions. If you're going to journal, I would be as detailed as possible. And I would put timestamps on your journal entries, dates and times, because that can act as evidence of what's happening.
Now, another thing you could do to just get things off of your chest is to talk to someone who's not going to judge you, like a friend, therapist, a support group. And the resources that I am going to leave in the description can connect you to support groups like that. That it can connect you to helplines like that where you can talk to someone and get help from someone who can help you make a plan.
Now, another thing you can do is when you're looking in the mirror is to look at yourself in the eyes and just say to yourself, if you're in a situation like this and you know this isn't okay, tell yourself, "This isn't okay. I'm not crazy. I don't deserve this." Tell that to yourself.
Now, the next thing you can do is you have to gain control in your life in one way or another. And one way is to build boundaries. And so far we've talked about the liver from the perspective of how it corresponds with the anger. Now, the liver though also governs planning and execution. And so that means setting boundaries is actually a part of the liver's functions. So saying things like, "No, I don't deserve this," that's a liver action. So planning and executing on your own is a strong independent choice that's part of the liver's function. So is choosing to honor yourself, choosing space, choosing rest, choosing safety, which choosing space is similar to what a lot of people call taking up space. And taking up space just means you are reclaiming your own right to just exist. You're reclaiming your own right to just be and be who you are unapologetically, to be your own voice, to be your own truth, to go after and take care of your own needs. So, taking space or choosing space means that you're not shrinking yourself down and shrinking yourself away just to make other people more comfortable. It means you're choosing to feel safe enough to stand tall, not just from a physical sense, but from an emotional sense, from a spiritual sense. And so if you've ever been made to feel small, you ever feel afraid to speak up, I just want you to know your liver wants you to rise again. That's the nature of liver. The nature of liver is that it's upward and outward. It's expanding. Think about the trees. The trees have branches. And which way do they go? They go upward and outward. They go up and out. And that's what the liver wants for you. Your liver wants you to feel free to spread yourself towards the sky.
Okay. Now, lastly, what you can do, and probably the most important thing, is that if you're in danger, get help. Abuse is never okay. If you're unsafe, you're being harmed emotionally, verbally, physically, reach out and get help. There's people who will help you. There's people who will believe you. You're not weak. You're just surviving. And that's something I understand and I deeply respect.
All right. So, if any part of this episode spoke to you, here's what I want you to remember. You don't have to fix the relationship. You're not the only one who can help them. You need to just take space. You need to choose you. You need to choose your own safety, your own growth. And sometimes that means leaving. That means becoming unblocked. And in TCM, healing starts with unblocking and then supporting. So that means once you unblock, that's when you can truly start building up your strength again. And at first, it may be painful. It might be slow, but you'll be able to start taking up space again, and you'll be able to truly surround yourself with people who love you and want you to grow.
So, I hope this helped you understand the liver and how emotions and abusive relationships can affect the body from a liver perspective. And I appreciate you sharing your vulnerabilities with me. And I appreciate you sharing the road with me today. So, if you're struggling with this right now, just know that I'm rooting for you and know that you're worthy of kindness and you're not too much and you're not alone. So, again, if you need someone to talk to, the resources are in the description of this episode.
All right, everyone. Until next time, God bless and happy studying.