Transcription
Sorry, Cross. My wife made bat for dinner last night. So, I think I got the kung fu or the new CO 26. So, you guys are going to have a substitute teacher today.
>> Hey, kids. I'm going to be your substitute teacher today. Ooh, I hate that rabbit. My name is Mr. Yose Sam. That's Mr. Yosede. How How do you spell Yose Sam? Well, you can just call me Mr. Sam.
>> Hi, Mr. Sam. >> Mr. Sam. Mr. Sam. Sam I am. That's fun to say. Sam I am. Mr. Sam.
>> Oh, [ __ ] Oh, that's hot. I mean, uh, okay. So, today everybody, we're going to be having a fashion show. So, when I call you, just come on up to the board and we're going to rate your outfit. Uh, starting with, um, you, the red head with the glasses. Come on up here.
>> Uh, oh. Okay, Mr. Sam, my outfit's not that cute today, but okay.
>> She wears that same outfit every day. >> Guys, is it just me or does Mr. Sam look kind of familiar?
>> Hi, Mr. Sam.
>> Hey, I uh let me just send a text real quick. So, what's your name?
>> Penelopey.
>> Oh, that's good. Really good. So, uh give us a little 360 so I can see uh so the class can see your outfit.
>> Okay.
>> Oh, that's great. So, so class, how do we feel about her diamond sweater vest over her long sleeve shirt? That's That's a lot of clothes for the springtime. You should wear a swimsuit tomorrow.
>> Um I don't think I can. I think that's against the dress code.
>> I'll allow it. Right. Right. Closet. You heard me say I'll allow it. And hey, whoever wins the fashion show gets to go for a ride in my car. And I have a really nice car. And right now, Penelope is winning.
>> Yay.
>> Yeah. So, who wants to go next?
>> T. I got to go. Pe.
>> Oh, [ __ ] It's my lucky day. I'm going to take him to the bathroom class. Yeah. I'm I'm going to go with him cuz of stranger danger. You know, somebody could shoot up the place, so it's not safe. I I'll go with you,
>> guys. Guys, I got it. That's Mr. Winkle.
>> What?
>> That's Mr. Winkle up there.
>> Dude, there's no way in hell that's Mr. Winkle.
>> Yes, it is. It's him with a big fake or somebody say a mustache.
>> Cody, that's not Mr. Winkle. That's Mr. Sam.
>> Well, it's him. We got to call the cops.
>> Cody, you're just mad cuz I'm in first place.
>> Guys, block out the mustache. It's him.
>> Oh my god, Joseph. He's right.
>> Dude, really?
>> Yeah, that that's Mr. Wink with a fake mustache.
>> I told you. But we got to stop him. He's got to take the bathroom.
>> I'm ready to go pee peeing. My pants are all way down.
>> Oh, [ __ ] That's perfect. Uh, Mr. Sam.
>> Hey, do you want to join us and go pee pee? We can have a big pee pee party. We could even take pictures and make it a picture pee pee party and take pictures of pee pees.
>> Uh, no. I don't want to do that because you're not Mr. Sam. You're Mr. Winkle.
>> No, I'm not. I'll give somebody Sam.
>> Oh, [ __ ] Get him, guys. Eat a [ __ ]
>> All right, class. I found it.
>> Wait, who are you? Uh, I'm the substitute teacher.
>> Wait a minute. You look familiar.
>> Oh [ __ ] Delete. Delete. Delete. Delete. Oh [ __ ] I can't delete the un favorite.
>> You're the rest.
>> Yay. Mr. Winkle's arrested.
>> Yes, >> man. Good eye, Cody.
>> Good eye to you, too.
>> Oh, that's so gay, Cody.
>> I don't get it, you guys. Did I win the fashion show or not?
>> Jesus, dude.
>> Okay, so he Let me Let me tell you who he is.
>> Oh, get up here. You >> class. Class, tell him I'm innocent. If you tell him I'm innocent, then we can have a big naked pool party at my house. Oh, stop blabbing, you stupid bastard. Come on. Oh, come on. Sarn it.
>> Guys, since Mr. Wiggles arrested, we don't have A TEACHER, SO I'LL BE the teacher for the day.
>> Hey, everybody, it's me, Teacher Junior, with my big piece of chalk.
>> Junior, make it lunchtime. Make it lunch time. He can make it lunch time. You can do that, >> dude. Calm down. Ooh, that's a good one, Cody. All right, everybody. It is now lunchtime. So, everyone bring up their food to me. And if I want to eat it, I'm going to eat it. It's going to be mine. And if it tastes good, you get a A+. And if it tastes bad, you get an F. And also, you guys are going to have a bunch of homework tonight. Where's the homework at? What the What is this? All the bad things I've done. Mr. Winkle, guys. Mr. Winkle left a folder up here that says all the bad things he's done.
>> Oh, bring it over here.
>> Okay, guys. Look.
>> Oh, wow. Should we open it?
>> Can we open it?
>> Come on, be serious. Use your damn brain, dude.
>> Yeah, Cody. Of course, we're going to open it. No, I brought it over here so we can just look at it and then act like it doesn't exist, >> idiot. Sorry. Okay.
>> No, it was just that Oh, that pissed me off, >> right? God, we need a new friend in our friend.
>> Exactly.
>> Just because of that.
>> Yeah. That just that just really pissed me out. Like, should we open it? You're like in a scary movie. We're like, "Guys, should we check it out?"
>> You're supposed to be the smart one, dumbass.
>> Well, I just I I don't know what's in there, you know.
>> Apparently, it's a lot of bad stuff. I say we go to my house and we look at it.
>> Why don't we open it here?
>> Yeah. What's special about your house, dude?
>> Because school's over. We don't have a teacher.
>> But I thought you were the teacher.
>> Yeah.
>> Well, the teacher says that class is over and we're going to my house to open this.
>> Wait, are we still having lunch?
>> Hungry. Come on.
>> We'll get Chick-fil-A at my house.
>> You're not coming. I have a girlfriend.
>> Yeah. Don't look at me.
>> Order, order, order, order. I am the Honorable Judge Poo, and today we will be hearing the case of Mr. Winkle, who is being accused of posing as a substitute teacher so he can well, I don't want to say, it's very yucky and quite heinous AND VERY ILLEGAL. SO, FOR THAT, I FIND HIM GUILTY because he is, and I SENTENCE HIM TO DEATH. But before we throw Mr. Winkle into a meat grinder while he's still alive and on fire, we will put HIM IN THE TRUTH CHAIR WHERE WE WILL ELECTROCUTE HIM UNTIL HE TELLS US THE NAMES OF ALL THE PEOPLE WHO HELPED HIM COMMIT THESE terrible crimes. But we'll do that tomorrow morning. I am far too tired and cranky to do it today, and I haven't had my Pop-Tarts. BUT TOMORROW MORNING, 8:00 A.M. I WILL BE READY TO rock and then we can get that done. So, court adjourns. Just throw him in a cell for now with the Sony so he DOESN'T GET LONELY. BOP DART TIME. MARY, GET THE POP DARTS. COME ON, YOU FREAK. Get in here. OH, COME ON. LET ME OUT. I'm innocent. Well, actually, no, I'm not. But it was really hot. CAN YOU BLAME ME?
>> I smell fresh booty meat. What you doing in here, stranger? Oh, I'm sorry, sir. You're a little too old for me.
>> But you ain't too old for me. Come here, you cute ass.
>> Woo!
>> Baby, I'm a nicknamed you tight ass. Yeah, I mean, the nickname don't really make sense no more, but uh it did 45 minutes ago when I was deep in there.
>> Guard. Hey, where you going? And no one gonna save you, [ __ ] I run this prison.
>> GUARD. GUARD.
>> Hey there. On the new not shift guard. The other guy went home, so I'm supposed to check on you every five minutes.
>> WHERE THE [ __ ] WERE YOU FOR THE LAST 45 MINUTES?
>> OH, WELL, WE were doing shift change and all that, but can I get you anything?
>> Oh, yeah. Some rope.
>> Oh, you want to jump rope in yourself, do you? Well, not really supposed to let you do workout activities in your cell, but I won't tell anybody. Here you go.
>> Oh, thank you. Thank you. Hey, tight ass. The doctor called. He said, "Hey, it's time for a colonoscopy. I'm going to let you know I'm the doctor. I got my PhD booty hole degree. So come clean the scope BEFORE I STICK IT IN.
>> 5 minutes my ass.
>> Oh no, baby. I I don't know if I can go a third round. I'm tired. Uh maybe if you you give me a cup, I might consider it.
>> Yeah. Okay. Okay. Let me get it.
>> Damn, your ass ain't so yet.
>> Okay. Okay.
>> I think we got her clinger. You woke me up, baby. I think I am ready.
>> Oh, yeah. Just a second.
>> I hear you, but I I don't feel nothing. BABY, GO.
>> OH, JUNIOR, that Chick-fil-A was balls deep good. Dude, watch your mouth. I just got done eating.
>> You guys are just mad that you didn't get two extra packets of Chick-fil-A sauce to dunk your balls in. Dunkeroni and cheese. Dunkaroos.
>> But dunk your balls in Chick-fil-A sauce.
>> Oh, you guys are telling me you've never dunked your balls in Chick-fil-A sauce?
>> No, that's never been a thought that crossed my mind. You guys can't leave this earth without dunking your balls in Chick-fil-A sauce. Jesus, what have you guys been doing with your life?
>> Not putting our body parts in Chick-fil-A sauce.
>> Oh, you are missing out. It is life-changing.
>> Listen, guys, there's this folder. Can we please go through it?
>> I agree. I ate and now I'm more decisive.
>> Yeah, I think we should open it because it has to be a lot of bad things. Mostly because it says he's all the bad things I've done.
>> Yeah, all of them.
>> All right, Cody, can you open it?
>> What the >> Oh my god. OH MY GOD.
>> OH MY GOD. TURN THE PAGE. TURN THE PAGE. TURN THE PAGE. OH MY GOD. What's What's this? What? People who helped me.
>> Guys, before we read this, can I just point out how insane it is that he actually kept this folder on him? Maybe he's proud of his accomplishments, dude.
>> Well, he said it's the bad stuff he's done. He knows it's bad. If people if he gets caught with this, he's going to go to jail. Why didn't he hide it?
>> I was going to say all that.
>> Oh, >> I was going to point out that I don't know why. No, you've already I don't have anything to say now.
>> Okay, this is so gay.
>> I guess we can read this list now.
>> Okay, people who helped him. Stephven Hawking.
>> How does that work?
>> The handicap [ __ ]
>> He's dead now. Uh Donald Trump, >> Bill Gates, Bill Clinton, Prince Andrew, Screwball the Clowns.
>> It's just rich [ __ ] and clowns, dude.
>> Uncle Skeer.
>> Oh, my uncle Skeer's in there.
>> Yeah, >> that's actually not that surprising.
>> Tom Brady. Why would Tom Brady Oh, he kisses on the mouth.
>> Yeah, sun kisser.
>> That makes sense. And then we got Mr. Goodman. That doesn't >> He's got some explaining to do. Yeah.
>> Yeah.
>> We got CJ, my brother. I don't know who CJ is.
>> Is that the guy?
>> That's the guy from Grand Theft Auto. San Andreas.
>> No, but it's not Mr. Winkle's brother.
>> No, CJ.
>> That's a different CJ.
>> Oh [ __ ] We go again.
>> Is that Grand Theft Auto 5?
>> It's San Andreas. But I think this is the CJ that Jeffy murdered with a monster truck.
>> I would do the monster truck glitch in Grand Theft Auto.
>> I would rather have Grand Theft Auto San Andreas.
>> Yeah. Oh. Oh, and then there's a name that's that's colored out. It's a C and you can't see the rest of the name.
>> Why did he censor that one name? Is it like the person who's just so bad he couldn't bear to look at their name?
>> Oh my god, they must be the worst one. But who who is someone we know that's name starts with a C?
>> What? You guys aren't looking at me? What? I wouldn't help him.
>> I don't know, dude.
>> Yeah, I mean I don't I don't know, Cody. It starts with a C.
>> Well, Cody's a short ass name. That's a That's a long name.
>> He's doing first and last. Your first and last name would fill up all that.
>> Guys, it's not gay, dude.
>> Well, yeah. You're gay. Mhm.
>> You're already going to hell.
>> I'm not going to hell.
>> Well, are you is against being gay? You can't be gay in the Bible.
>> It's the first strike, dude.
>> I don't care. I'm not going to hell, though.
>> Yeah. God has a goal line defense waiting for you. He's not going to let you in.
>> Playoff level defense, though.
>> Yeah. I'm talking Ray Lewis.
>> Ooh. Troy Palamalu.
>> Oh, I'm talking Derel Rivas >> and Richard Sherman at the corner.
>> Oh my god.
>> I don't know who those people are.
>> Revas Island.
>> What is Revas Island?
>> Oh, he's he's never been able to leave it.
>> Clueless, bro.
>> Yeah. You don't know that?
>> I don't know what you're talking about.
>> You're not getting past this defense, Cody.
>> Okay.
>> You're not getting past that defense. Who do you think you are? Beast mode. You're not beast mode.
>> Who the [ __ ] is beast? Marshan Lynch.
>> Come on. Here's some football, dude.
>> He's so Trent Richardson, >> right? Definitely.
>> Oh, no. Not Trent Richardson. Guys, I'm learning a lot about football. CAN WE GET BACK TO this list?
>> Trent Richardson was bad. He was a bust.
>> He's from the city. He's ass.
>> Okay. Is his name on this list?
>> No.
>> THEN WHY ARE WE TALKING ABOUT TRENT RICHARDSON?
>> I DON'T KNOW. I JUST NOW I'M upset you don't know any of these things.
>> Listen, we got to find out whose name this is. It starts with a C and it's it's colored out. Who else do we know? Because it can't be Cody because Cody pointed out Mr. Wingle. Yes.
>> He wouldn't get his best friend arrested if if he was his friend.
>> Exactly.
>> Okay. So, who else starts with a C?
>> Dude, IT COULD BE SHABI.
>> WHAT IF IT'S YOURSELF?
>> Don't say that. Is it? Could it be Shabi?
>> He has peep in his name.
>> Oh my god. The signs were there.
>> And he is a perve.
>> Oh yeah. Yeah. He's always talking about stuff like that. And he always wanted to spank me. Always wanted to put his hand on me.
>> He's definitely had a fetish for spanking you.
>> Oh my god. And he always has he calls it stupid little brats. But what if he secretly likes it? What? He's like, "Oh, you brats. Oh, you bratty."
>> Yeah, he definitely gets turned on by that.
>> Oh my god. Chef Peepee is a PDF.
>> Oh, not the file. Not my boy Peep.
>> Oh, why do you have to be a PDF? Why couldn't it be a text file or a JPEG >> or an MP4?
>> Now, hold on. There's no real proof.
>> Well, are you taking Laura?
>> Well, no. I'm just saying we don't have any like >> It's Cody and it's both fitting in there.
>> It It No, >> listen. Listen, guys. We don't We don't have full proof. The proof is in the pudding. What What is that saying?
>> What?
>> The proof is in the pudding.
>> Yeah. Why do people say that?
>> I don't know. Chef Peep needs to make us pudding. If Cheffy makes us pudding and we dig through the pudding, we find the proof that that's him. THE EVIDENCE IS THERE.
>> WHAT THE [ __ ] JUNIOR? You just said that phrase and ran with it. What are you talking?
>> I have not ran. I have stayed still THE WHOLE TIME.
>> YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? YOU'RE JUST MAKING things up cuz you said the proof IS IN THE PUDDING.
>> THE PROOF IS IN THE PUDDING. WE'RE GOING TO GO ASK CHEVY TO MAKE PUDDING. We're going to dig to the pudding. If there's proof in it, he is on THE LIST.
>> IT'S GOING TO BE PUDDING IN THE PUDDING. IT'S JUST A SAYING.
>> IF THERE'S NOTHING IN THE PUDDING, THEN IT'S NOT HIM, CODY.
>> GOD DAMN IT. ARE YOU STUPID?
>> THERE'S A SIMPLE SOLUTION. [ __ ] IT. You know what? I want pudding anyway.
>> Yeah. So, let's go dig through his pudding.
>> Okay.
>> Man, this pizza is smacking. Woo! Chef Peepi is enjoying his day off.
>> So, first of all, he talks to himself. It's true. So, that's already strike one. It's a little weird. Say, "Hey, Chef Peipi."
>> What the hell are you doing here, Junior? I'm trying to eat my pizza.
>> Okay. So, we want you to make us something.
>> I'm not making anything for you today. Today is my day off.
>> Oh, well, we were wondering if you can make us some pudding.
>> Pudding, [ __ ]
>> Yeah, pudding. Like, you know, like pudding be chocolate pudding. Why would I make pudding for you?
>> Well, because we really want pudding. Unless you're scared to make it. Unless you're scared there's gonna be something in that pudding you don't want us to see.
>> I ain't scared to make no damn pudding. What's What? It's pudding.
>> Yeah. Can you just make us some pudding and put what you usually put in it?
>> Like ingredients now?
>> Yeah. Yeah. Pudding. Can put put the pudding in the >> It's just pudding. Just get some pudding.
>> So So you want me to make pudding?
>> Make some pudding. Unless you're scared. If you're refusing to make it, that means you have something to hide.
>> I MEAN, YOU CAN MAKE IT YOUR DAMN CELL.
>> SO YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO HIDE?
>> NO, I DON'T. WHAT? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? I'M JUST TRYING to eat MY DAMN PIZZA.
>> SO, MAKE US SOME PUDDING if you're not scared, >> bro. [ __ ] I'LL MAKE THE DAMN PUDDING.
>> JUNIOR, this is stupid.
>> No. No. You see see how much he was fighting? He knows there's proof in his pudding.
>> He was confused.
>> No. No. There's proof in the pudding. He's scared.
>> Oh my god.
>> All right, Junior. Here's the pudding. I MADE FROM SCRATCH. BROKE MY BACK MAKING THIS [ __ ] SO YOU BETTER eat it.
>> All right, guys. The proof is in the pudding.
>> Junior, there's not going to be any [ __ ] proof in here. It's just pudding.
>> So, dig through it. There has to be like a note in there saying he's a monster admitting to everything.
>> There is something hard in here.
>> The proof's in the pudding.
>> What? What the [ __ ] What is this?
>> What is that?
>> It's a pudding cup, GUYS. HE DIDN'T COOK THIS. HE JUST BOUGHT SOME PUDDING AND PUT IT IN A BOWL.
>> WAIT, so he lied about making it from scratch?
>> Yeah, >> the proof was in THE PUDDING. HE LIED.
>> I guess the proof is the pudding.
>> So, wait a minute. So, he's not a PDF. He just lied about making the pudding from scratch?
>> He's just a horrible chef.
>> So, the proof is that he doesn't know how to cook and he just bought pudding?
>> Yeah, I guess so.
>> Chef, baby, GET OUT OF HERE.
>> WHAT DO YOU WANT, JUNIOR? HOW DO YOU LIKE THE PUDDING?
>> Why you so mad?
>> Cuz god damn, YOU CAN CALL ME OVER HERE. OKAY. SO, you really made this from scratch?
>> Yes. Every single ingredient.
>> Then how do you explain this?
>> Wow. He didn't even own up to it.
>> No, >> he just cried.
>> Yeah. Well, I guess we know his name's not on the list.
>> Yeah. The only proof was he's a bad chef. We already knew that.
>> Yeah. Yeah.
>> All right. So, let's back to the folder.
>> Okay.
>> Okay, guys. So, it's not Chef Pe. It's not Cody. So, who else starts with a C?
>> I mean, you got Charlie and friends. That's the only other person I know that starts with a C besides Chuck Norris ass. But he's dead.
>> Wait, Charlie and Friends.
>> Hell yeah. All them [ __ ]
>> Yeah, my dad watches all the time. Charlie could be a secret PDF.
>> Wait, but if it's and friends, why wouldn't he just list the friends? I don't think he would write Charlie and friends all as one thing.
>> Yeah. Yeah, I don't think he'd write Charlie and Friends. I think he'd write Charlie and then he'd have a whole list of the friends.
>> Unless and friends is Charlie's last name.
>> No, it's not. No, Charlie's last name. I don't I don't know what Charlie's last name is, but I know his friends are the ones that laugh at him in the show.
>> Oh, okay.
>> Yeah. Yeah. I don't think it's Charlie and Friends. I wish there was like a way we could like read past the ink.
>> Well, we could call that superhero guy Super D.
>> Yeah, I guess we could.
>> Well, whip it out, Junior.
>> Okay. Help. The Green G. What the [ __ ] Did your neck snap?
>> Yeah.
>> You okay? Yeah, my bad. I was cracking my neck a little bit.
>> Damn. I mean, we're getting older.
>> Yeah.
>> Okay, I was going to scream for the Green Goblin attack.
>> I thought you were going to whip it out. Honestly, that's how >> the Green Goblin's attacking. Someone help.
>> The Green Goblin's here. the Green Goblin and Dr. Octopus.
>> Is he really called Dr. Octopus?
>> Yeah.
>> Like, but they ever say his name?
>> I mean, his name is Dr. Otto Octavius, but yeah. And his super villain name is Dr. Octopus or Doc O. Should I rob you? Maybe he'll come faster.
>> Yeah, THERE'S A BLACK GUY.
>> HEY, DID SOMEBODY SAY they're getting robbed by a black guy?
>> No, we just needed your help, dude.
>> There he is. I found a little rascal.
>> No, wait, wait, wait. No, he's not robbing us. Why didn't you come when we said the Green Goblin or Dr. Octopus was here?
>> Well, those guys aren't real.
>> But black people are.
>> Oh, yeah. Listen, can you read this last name? It's covered in ink.
>> Oh, yeah. I got X-ray vision. Sure. Oh, it says Craig the devil.
>> Craig the devil. I mean, he is the devil, but I didn't think he'd be that bad.
>> So, do you need me to beat him up or >> No, no. Go.
>> Okay. Bye.
>> Craig the devil. That's sad.
>> Should have seen it coming.
>> It's not that surprising. It's the devil. Now, wait just a goddamn second here. God damn. God damn. It pisses him off when I say this. God damn.
>> What? Craig, your your name's in the Mr. Winkle files.
>> No, no, no, not exactly. Let me explain. You see, Mr. Winkle was so evil. He wrote my name in there because he thought he was so evil that I must have helped him since I'm the devil. But I'm not a part of that [ __ ] It is yucky.
>> Well, then why is your name scribbled out?
>> Oh, you see, I snuck into his house when he was asleep and I scratched my name out.
>> Well, you forgot to cover the sea.
>> Well, I was in a hurry.
>> Okay, so you didn't do any of this bad stuff?
>> No. Hell no. I'm the devil. But I'm not a monster. That makes sense.
>> Yeah, it makes sense. Why is Mr. Goodman in here?
>> Oh, he sold Mr. Wrinkle leg a >> Wait, Mr. Wink has enough money to buy a jet. How has How do he have that much money?
>> Bitcoin.
>> Well, at least Craig didn't do anything bad cuz I was a little concerned.
>> You were worried the devil did something bad?
>> Well, that bad. It's like there's like levels of bad. Guys, there's a flash drive. We should see what's on it.
>> I do not want to see what's on it.
>> Why would I DO THAT?
>> NO, GUYS. GUYS, WHAT IF THERE'S LIKE Bitcoin on it? I don't think there's going to be bit.
>> Not enough coin in the world.
>> You know that guy who like lost his like flash drive of Bitcoin in the dumpster and he was like spending his whole life looking for it.
>> This is not that flash drive.
>> No, I'm not taking that.
>> What if it's this?
>> It is not.
>> What if he found it in the dumpster?
>> Why would it be right by a list of names?
>> Yeah, >> guys. We should at least see it.
>> I'm not looking at that, >> dude. No.
>> Oh, come on, guys.
>> Why are you so eager to look at it? Do you want to be on the list, too?
>> There. I'm not think I'm not I don't want to look on it cuz you think of what you think's on it. What if there's something else on it?
>> What could there be? What if it's like Bitcoin?
>> No, dude.
>> I'm not doing this. I'm going to go dunk my balls in some Chick-fil-A sauce.
>> Oh, guys, you don't want to see what's on it? I'm I'm See what's That's really taped on. JESUS [ __ ] I I got it. How do you like your drink, Stephen?
>> How am I supposed to drink it?
>> With your straw.
>> Okay.
>> Well, how how are you enjoying the island, Stephen?
>> It's hot. Wear pu.
>> Oh, don't worry. There'll be plenty of time for that later.
>> P now.
>> P now.
>> Calm down, Stephen. only came to island for pu.