Transcription
Hey everybody, welcome back! Today we're looking at some spicy mother-in-law beef that made it to "Am I the A-hole?" Am I the A-hole for giving my mother-in-law a fake copy of my house key and exposing her at Christmas dinner? It's all downhill from here.
I want to preface this by saying that I, 34, married my husband, male, 37, a year ago. His mom is snoopy and annoying as [ __ ] she just can't help it, it's how she is, as my dear in-laws say. My husband and I purchased a new house recently. Congratulations! My mother-in-law kept pushing to get an emergency key. She promised she would only use it in an emergency, but given the fact that she already had an emergency key to our old apartment and walked in on us being intimate twice, and I interrupted, my husband didn't think it was a big deal.
I'm sorry, ew! What was the emergency? Why did she need to walk in on you guys getting busy? I just couldn't trust her, so I sent her a fake key after she kept pushing, and she had a smug look on her face after. After I hand-delivered it to her, I never understood that. Why does one need like an emergency key for emergencies?
Days gone by, and on Christmas dinner, mother-in-law angrily called me out on the fact I gave her a fake copy of the house key. Why was she trying to get into your house? Was it an emergency? There was a non-emergency emergency. She shamed me for doing this in front of everyone, but in my defense, I asked her how she found out, and she said days ago when she came over at 4:00 while my husband and I were out. Why, I reminded her, didn't you promise you wouldn't use it unless there was an emergency? So you tried to get in when there was no emergency, and you broke the promise you made to us.
She wanted to snip around. She looked red in the face, and the other family started staring, and some even laughed at her for the face she made. She suddenly got up from her seat and rushed into the kitchen where she had a huge meltdown, so loud the next door neighbors must have heard. Literally, I have never heard a 60-plus-year-old woman throw a tantrum like that. I failed to understand why she wanted to get into your place in the first place. I'm catching her in the act. She got caught doing something she shouldn't.
Needless to say, dinner was awkward, and my husband and his sister were giving me looks. My husband went off on me in the car, said I lied and manipulated and humiliated and exposed his mom, and said he wouldn't have let me get away with it had he known. Wait a second, didn't your mom like break into your house? Didn't your mom also expose her at the dinner table like that? This never would have happened if your mom hadn't gotten her fingers dirty. You know what I'm saying?
Okay, now we had an argument, and he's demanding I apologize to his mom for my childish behavior and for ruining Christmas dinner for the whole family. You're not the one that went and had like a massive tantrum in the kitchen. Am I the A-hole? So this went off unexpectedly, and I thought I'd show my husband some pretty helpful comments I found on here minutes ago, but he got mad at me when he saw it and said I was nuts to talk about his family online. Why are you embarrassed? Cuz it's embarrassing. Uh, yeah. He demanded my phone so he could delete it, but I refused, and I went upstairs into the bedroom. I've never seen him so agitated, and I didn't think he'd react like that, honestly. But thank you guys for your support, it means a lot. I'll update if I can.
Okay, you're not the A-hole. And the fact that your husband doesn't see what is horribly wrong with this situation, I don't like it. No buy, no, not the A-hole. I'd rethink my marriage if my husband put his mother over me. You're like a threesome. Yeah, like that's literally what he's doing. Why is he okay with his mother walking in on you guys? Like, shouldn't that be kind of like the last straw? I also fail to understand why he's so embarrassed about the situation. What's the big deal? You didn't use names, nobody can tell that it's you. Why are you embarrassed? Oh, it's cuz no one's on your side, right? Got it. The fact that he's angry she's exposing his family on the internet, as if anyone could guess their identity from this description, also shows that he at least realizes he and Mommy are in the wrong, even if he won't acknowledge it. Otherwise, he wouldn't care she posted here, or he'd expect to be validated. That's the funny thing about the internet, they humble you for sure. Also, why is your husband mad at you? He should question his mother as to why she feels entitled to enter a grown man's home whenever she feels like it. That's like babying, you know? That's like treating him like a child still. It's like she went through his stuff when he was a kid, and now that you guys live separately, she still wants to have that control. Maybe he's used to it, but like, he's a grown-ass man. Your house is separate from his mother's. I'm moving in with my son. There are some weird codependency things going on there. Like, honestly, she probably like went into his room as a kid and like cleaned up after him and maybe like looked for his like devil's lettuce and stuff. The mother-in-law is controlling. She doesn't like that there's a new number one in his life, but it kind of sounds like you're not the number one in his life, babes. That might be his mom. Not the A-hole.
Am I the A-hole for telling off my mother-in-law for insisting my daughter doesn't have a real vagina? My 4 and a half-year-old daughter has a stomach bug and has been having some Burger King gives me Cho. That's diarrhea. In Spanish, Cho is Mexican diarrhea. My wife needed to take our son to an appointment, and I needed to do work from home today, so my mother-in-law came to watch after our daughter. Hey, roomy. My daughter needed to use the bathroom, and I was going to excuse myself from my online meeting, but my mother-in-law said she had it. A bit later, my daughter came up to me and asked me to wipe her. I said to her, "Didn't Grandma help you?" She knows how to wipe, but with her having diarrhea, Mexican diarrhea, we're helping her. She said, "Yes, but Grandma wiped wrong. You've got [ __ ] on your head." She said, "Grandma wiped in instead of out." We, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew. We taught her to wipe out instead of in. I excused myself from my meeting to help wipe my daughter correctly. I went to find my mother-in-law in the kitchen. I asked her, "My daughter says you wiped in instead of out." She said, "I wiped her. Do you think there's a better way?" "Yeah, no, front to back, babes. Front to back." Now I'm questioning what's going on with your mother-in-law. Like, what's happening there that's not, uh, not healthy. I told her, "It's not healthy to wipe like that. You need to wipe out." She said, "And you have a vagina?" I said, "No, but I have a daughter, and I won't let her get an infection by wiping poop this is nuts into her hoo-ha." She said, "Daughter doesn't have a real, real vagina yet. There's no chance of infecting anything." What? What the hell does that mean? A real, a real vagina? What is a, wait, what? It's a fake one. Not real. Not real vagina. Clearly, we need to do some, uh, sex education here. Clearly, there were some things missed growing up with your mother. Of course, she has a real vagina. She's a female. She said, "Girls don't have real vaginas until they're teenagers. It is known." Is known? Whoa, okay. There's some, some facts that are not facts thrown in here. Just because you think something doesn't mean that it's a fact. Get some help. And there's no chance of an infection because their vagina doesn't develop until they're a teenager. I was dumbfounded and I got angry. You know, the fact that so little people understand how like the female reproductive system works. After doing enough videos like this, I realized it's not just men, a lot of women that don't understand what's going on. I blame the healthcare system and a lack of female doctors. I said to her, "You're a woman, you raised three daughters, I'm married to one. You can't possibly be this stupid." He got a point. She told me I'm out of line, instead of, "I can't appreciate her help," then she's leaving. I told her, "I'm perfectly fine, in fact, definitely more capable than her of caring for my daughter, and that she's welcome to get out." She did leave. And about 10 minutes later, my wife called me and said her mom was furious with me and that I was terrible to her and made me leave without any reason. After explaining, my wife is on my side. Am I the A-hole for defending my daughter's real vagina? Uh, I would say that's a no. Clearly, your wife figured it out. Your wife was taught by that same woman, she figured it out, right? That's just weird. It's not even like the wiping for me, the not knowing the lady parts are real regardless of puberty, they are in fact real, not fake. Not the A-hole. Your mother-in-law's profoundly stupid, not for not knowing how to wipe, but for also not realizing that four-year-olds have perfectly fully formed kohas. God knows what other pearls of wisdom she has in her brain. Excuse me, like I'm trying to like somehow see it from her perspective, cuz like maybe she just genuinely doesn't know, but like how could you not know that? That's like common knowledge. No, you're not the A-hole, my dear. Maybe just do the wiping yourself.
Am I the A-hole for being upset my mother-in-law won't make a family quilt for me and my husband because we have no kids? My mother-in-law has made a small family quilt for all of her kids and their spouses, five couples including us. The quilt is really cute, has the couples' names, their kids' names, and their favorite hobbies and things, all done in stitching and cute little cloth pictures. I was really looking forward to getting ours because I admit I'm a bit of a hipster and I love homemade kitchy stuff like that for our home. She recently finished her latest one for my husband's brother, and I thought that we were getting ours soon. Since my husband is the youngest, I asked my sister-in-law. She got hers first, and she very awkwardly informed me that no such quilt will be coming our way. I was a bit upset, and I asked my husband to investigate. Turns out mother-in-law has no intention of making us a quilt because there's not enough to put on all the squares or whatever, basically meaning we don't have kids and we don't deserve a quilt because she can't be bothered. That doesn't seem fair. Or you feel entitled to a quilt. You feel entitled to a quilt, a gift that your mother-in-law makes for everybody else, but now you're not getting.
I messaged her directly about it because I'm just that kind of person. Annoying. I like hearing it straight from the other guy. Mother-in-law says her fingers hurt after her first four quilts, and she's taking a break. Right, cuz it's like free labor. I asked her if it has anything to do with the fact that we have no kids, which she expressed negatively against in the past, and said no, even though I know that's a lie. I pushed her more and asked her when she thinks the quilt would be done after her little break. Wao, okay, oo. I'm sorry, but you are not entitled to this woman's time or her quilts. She loses her temper and says there's no quilt and there never will be a quilt. Something tells me she also just really doesn't [ __ ] like you, dude. After doing all of that work for all of her family members, putting in all that love, you feel entitled to it. You're just like, "Get to work, old woman, make me a quilt." That's literally what you're saying. You are so entitled. I asked why, and she says she's only interested in making quilts with her grandkids and things on them, and we don't have hobbies and kid's hobbies to fill up a whole quilt. I tell her we have two beautiful dogs whom we love, who could be put on there, and she says, "I'm not making a whole quilt for a couple of goddamn dogs," verbatim. I hang up and tell my husband, and he's 100% on my side. I don't think that she likes you, and honestly, I don't like you either. But now I got a really mean voice message from my sister-in-law telling me I crossed the line and I'm acting like a huge for no reason. I'm shocked because I have a great relationship with my sister-in-law, and she always defended me from other family BS. My husband wants no part in this now. Am I the A-hole for what I said to my mother-in-law? Yes, you are. You're not entitled to this old woman's time or her quilt. You're unworthy. Honestly, you're the A-hole. You're totally entitled to feel hurt that your mother does not consider you quilt-worthy over what you probably correctly assume is the fact that you do not have kids. I do agree with this. You're allowed to be a little bit upset that you're being treated a little bit differently because you don't have children. You are not entitled to demand a quilt from your mother-in-law, but you're also not entitled to demand a quilt from her. This is a gift. She's free to choose to not give you one. You are also free to make your own conclusions about your relationship from that. She sucks too for not treating all her kids equally quilt-wise, but you asked about whether or not you were the A-hole for saying what you did to her, and you were the A-hole for demanding a handmade quilt with a deadline to boot. Get to work, Nona. If someone did that to me, I'd be like, [ __ ] no, literally right off. Also, the fact that the gift in question is a quilt, if this was any other gift, I would say OP is 100% in the right, but quilts are labor-intensive and are generally meant to be passed down to your kids. As someone who owns several heirloom quilts from great-grandmothers, I'm honestly a tad bit offended by OP's reasoning for having one. It's hipster and kitschy and would make a fun throw. I just want a fun throw. Like, on one hand, it's never nice to give gifts that clearly exclude one party, but on the other, it feels wrong to be demanding of such a heartfelt gift like a quilt. I mean, it isn't, it isn't. There's plenty of instances where grandmothers give grandchildren gifts, grandfathers give grandchildren gifts all the time, and it's just one of those things that like, you know, they they pass down heirlooms or something to their grandkids, and like it's just one of those things you shouldn't feel like NE, I I don't feel left out after something like that. You are the A-hole, my dear. Apologize to your mother-in-law.
All right, we got one more. It's a short one. It's a short one. It's a, "Am I the A-hole for taking crappy holiday photos because my mother-in-law didn't want me in the pictures?" I married my wife, Leah, 2 months ago. I'm also a woman, for the record. Leah's mom seems to have a problem with me or my sexuality or something. Leah is bi, and her mom seems to wish she stayed with one of her male ex's. So anyway, at Christmas, we were taking photos, and her mom was like, "OP, we want the photos to be family only." Leah started to protest, "We're married, Mom," but I didn't want an argument, so I said, "Okay, it's fine. I'll just take the pictures." It was kind of cringy because Leah's sister's husband and cousin and wife were there, so it was definitely spouses and children included, right? So that she just didn't want you in the photos because, because you're gay? Because you're gay? Who is gay? All the other spouses and all the children of the spouses were in the photos, and you weren't. Yeah, she's homophobic. I was kind of annoyed and decided not to take the best ones, just on purpose. Focus the camera on the furniture rather than the people. Snap pictures zoomed in awkwardly, closed up on flattering flash, didn't hold my hands steady so they were blurry. Took pictures on purpose, and when someone was looking away or coughing or something. Wow, that's diabolical. I love that for you, babes. It's kind of like that thing where it's like, like, don't insult the people who handle your food. Don't insult the person that takes your photos. Anyways, I took 30 pictures, and they ranged from bad to horrible, and I gave the camera back and said, "I hope they find a nice one to frame in there." And after everything, Leah was angry on my behalf. She said her mom had no right to treat me like that, and I didn't have a way to say it's okay when it was totally rude. I just started laughing and told her what I did. We snuck down to the dining room later that night, and she lost it laughing at the pictures I'd taken. She'd even deleted some of the more decent ones. Ooh, I love this. I kind of wish that she didn't want to be in the pictures in the first place and stood up for you a little more, to be honest, but I digress. We were still waiting for her mom to plug her camera into the computer and see the pictures. We're planning on saying, "I tried my best, but I didn't know how to use a DSLR camera." If anyone says something, am I the A-hole for taking bad photos on purpose? No, you're not the hired help. You're part of the family. You could just weaponize incompetence. "I didn't know. All these things are so hard to use. ISO, aperture, I I don't understand of it." And to be frank, most people don't know how to use a DSLR camera, so you could probably get away with it. Not the A-hole. Your mother-in-law's an A-hole, and your revenge was perfectly petty. You know what I would have done? I would have cropped her out, but I'm petty like that. Subscribe.