Transcription
Your Pastorpedia: We're gonna talk about discouragement. It's a serious subject. It's all, "I'm okay." Okay, yeah. We all know it. We've had our days. But we've also talked to guys, and we were going to talk candidly about discouragement and ministry, comparisons, and just plain pitying ourselves. Let's go. Let's go right to your heart. What, what should we do when we feel all alone or discouraged?
Well, the first thing we should do, that we don't want to do, is run towards community; is to run towards people so that you can feel loved and cared for. The opposite is normally what happens: We run from people, and that's when the enemy works his best, working us. You know, enemies hit the metaphor there; is he's a lion seeking whom he may devour, and a lion attacks its prey when it's all by itself, when it's away from the pack. So the best thing to do is to run towards it. So say what that means: Run toward community, run towards people, run accountability partner. Go have another—in my case, or our cases—make sure you have a pastor friend that understands what you're going—you need to be with someone who understands what you're dealing with—and go to them and say, "Hey, I'm feeling discouraged; I'm feeling down. Have you ever helped me get through this?" So yeah, the first thing would be to admit it: "I'm feeling this bummer."
Yeah, Jeff, what do you do? What could someone do? I, I think admitting it is huge. And, and sometimes I think admitting it and, and trying to identify the source of discouragement—that's hard to do. Because sometimes I think it's people that are discouraging me, and actually I'm just tired. Or sometimes I think the devil's after me, and actually I'm just, you know, frustrated in leadership. And so I learned, especially just over the years, when I, when I was younger, I thought the answer to everything was to quit. And as I matured a little bit over the years, I've learned that the test were sat through and identify the things that actually discouraged me, and then talk about those. I think what Jim said is huge. I've had my dearest friend, Jason Haymaker, and I, for 20-plus years, meet once a week, and he's a pastor as well, and we'll vet—we'll say things to each other that we don't say to anybody else. We're, yeah, we do. But, but it's a, it's somebody else that can—no, I'm just venting; I'm not actually—don't mean everything that I'm saying—and then actually give me real counsel and feedback. I just think it's, it's huge that when you feel isolated, when you're spent—I think sometimes we spiritualize how, how much burden it is to bear in ministry, and we think, "Well, Jesus did it; right, the Apostles did it." But they all, they all honestly, they didn't do it for a lifetime, right? And so over the years, managing that and understanding that is, is just a huge thing. Marriage is crucial—to, to know how much—I don't think we should talk church all the time at home, of course, but still—they have fun in marriage, because she's got to be our greatest resource for joy as a person.
Yeah. Let's talk about safeguards. I just started one. Good marriage would be one of them, for sure, right? What are other safeguards but discouragement or disappointment or even depression? I mean, we're a multifaceted body—emotionally, spiritually, physically. So you have to have some plan in place. We talk a lot about relationally having something in place. You have to have something in place physically to keep your body sharp. I personally have found—and you guys would attest to that—Newt is a great example of this—in his health—is to have a plan in place to eat correctly, to, to exercise properly. Those things keep my body in tune so that I don't, I'm not running low or running on empty. Accountability—having someone—Jeff said—asking the questions. I'm feeding myself emotionally. Do things that are way from ministry even—that, that refreshed me, revived me. Am I selfish? No, they're, no, they're not. No, they helped make me who I should be, right? And for the ministry, safeguards others—some of the same. My marriage is a huge one, and family. I'm the most discouraged when those areas of my life aren't going well. I can get another job, alright. So yeah, maybe. But the, but making sure that my relationship with Heidi is where I want it to be or needed to be, and then for me also, I really am come an old-fashioned family man. So if I feel like I'm in a deficit with my children, I feel in a deficit with all of my life. So making the time to block out and be with them and do things that are important to them—and sometimes that's sitting around—recently it's, it's been tree houses and things like that that are important to them—and they get older, things change. But when I don't, what I feel like I'm full at home, I have a reserve to work there. So those types of things is what you need to do.
Crucial. Some, some are working, serving—I don't mean this demeaning at all—but in a very discouraging situation—I coach some pastors—and I think, "How do you do that? Those people are so non-Christian in their actions." What would you say to them about joy, or how do you keep going without being unrealistic? Right, we've all been there, you know, one point or another. And sometimes you can look at where persons at now. There have been many times along the way where I've recognized that joy is not an emotion; it's a choice; it's a response to something. And, and so I, I have to make a response, a willful choice to say, "You know, I'm going to rejoice in this." I mean, I can't get through the book of Philippians without seeing Paul, who had to do that on his own. He was probably one of the best church planners there was. We're so—making a choice to not let circumstances dictate how I feel or how I respond. It's not an emotion; it's a willful choice to be joyful. I mean, having our refrigerator choose joy—a lot to that. What, what, what would you say, Jeff, to the guy who says, "I'm so alone in this church"? That I think you talked a minute ago about a coach, and, and I cannot recommend that enough. If there's somebody from outside the church—Joanne—it would be a great coach. Exactly. And, and Newt actually has coached me for many years. I would call him and have an appointment with him, and what I was looking for from, from you—I wasn't always looking for, "What am I supposed to do?" I'm oftentimes I was looking for, "I'm about ready to do this; do you think it's dumb or not? Because all these other people did." And I'm like, "Well, if Newt agrees, then maybe I shouldn't do it." But if you look and say, "No, keep going that way; you're right," it gives me courage. And I've had, over all my ministry, I've had outside coaches that have encouraged me and helped me, and, and helped me to hone how to move that vision forward and helped me to know I wasn't nuts for believing that this is what I felt like God wanted us to do. So that I call it fresh air—just a little bit of fresh air, a little bit of a conference, a little bit of a retreat—where other people who are in line with where you need to go are saying, "No, you're right; hang in there." And then maybe they help you refine to know how to do it. Because when you, when you're being attacked and when you're outnumbered—and we, we all have been there; I've been there too—you feel like you're nuts, and you want to throw your hands up just to make the pressure go away. And having people in your life who can look and say, "No, you're not nuts; the fight is worth it; hang in there; outlive things"—it's a, it's a critical, critical—I also think rest—one of my favorite quotes from Billy Graham—Billy Graham said—said that fatigue makes cowards of us all. And I think we have to look and say, "I'm exhausted; I'm spent; I've been fighting this for a while." That fresh air is just a critical thing. Lisa has been for me. And you just have a Sabbath. I mean, there's always work to do—this—forget the fact that, that there's always—that there—you'll get done your work; you'll never get done the work of the Lord. So make sure you get time off. Hear me, listen to me: Take your day off, if possible, unless you're working another job, but have good time off. Pull away. You must, or you will burn and die in ministry. It's interesting, at the end of it, toward the end of his life, our Lord said, "I have finished the work you gave me to do," John 17, to his Father. Paul said, "I have finished my race," the race. But he completed—he's run the rate. You don't have to do everything, and don't compare with anybody else. I must live my life; I must, I must be in my situation. We hope you find joy through Christ. We must say at the end here something so simple: Jesus loves us. The gospel is the good news that I can live an engagement and combination with him in the pastor—it all the time. Thanks for listening. Newt Larson, Jeff Pogue, Jim Brown, Pastorpedia on joy. Let's end up there, on joy in Christ our Savior. Thanks.