Transcription
Women are chaotic, emotional, and irrational. That's what many men believe. But maybe that's just what women want you to believe. He thinks her behavior doesn't make any sense. But maybe that's just because he doesn't realize what game she's playing. He is blind to her true agenda.
By the end of this video, you'll understand that often her mood swings are not an accident. In fact, they are a female strategy specifically designed to keep her in power. Learn to attune to your [ __ ] partner. We don't want to have to explain why we're so hurt and what is so upsetting about the situation. Maybe for a second you can just validate what your partner's going through and try to get curious and attune to their needs. So, if they're telling you, "Hey, I really [ __ ] need this." Learn to listen and start to implement that.
>> Okay, let's recap. He needs to attune to his partner, attune to her needs, validate what she's going through. He needs to get curious. He needs to listen, and he needs to implement. But implement what exactly? What is he validating? What exactly are her needs that he is meant to attune to? Because this is a direct quote from her. We don't want to have to explain why we are so hurt and what is so upsetting about the situation. She says that men must listen, but to what? She's not explaining what happened. She says, "Get curious." But what does that mean? If a man sees his girlfriend is upset and he asks, "What's wrong? What happened?" That's him being curious.
Let me explain what's happening here. Often times, women don't want you to ask specific questions. They want to keep things vague. They want to avoid details. And there's a reason for this. It's not an accident. It's a strategy. You're trying to achieve clarity, trying to understand what the issue is. But she blocks your attempts. Women have a number of tactics that they will use here. There's deflection, shifting topics onto something else. There's avalanching, just bombarding a man with a huge list of things so he gets overwhelmed and he doesn't know which one to respond to. And of course, good old-fashioned emotional flooding where she just increases the emotional intensity of the situation, works herself into such a high state of emotional upset that it makes you look like a jerk if you keep asking your specific questions. No. Now, because she's upset, you have an obligation to comfort her.
But is any of this genuine or are these just tactics that she is employing? Because if you look closely, you'll notice that all of them have one thing in common. They keep you distracted. Distracted from what? What is it that she doesn't want you to see? Have you ever heard that famous JFK quote? The great enemy of truth is very often not the lie, deliberate, contrived, and dishonest, but the myth, persistent, persuasive, and unrealistic. It is very appropriate here. She's happy to distract you with small issues and little lies so that you don't become aware of the myths. She really doesn't want you to see those because in the relationship dynamic, those are the source of her power. If you are dating a toxic woman, there will be core myths, foundational paradigms that govern how your relationship unfolds that give her power over you. And of course, she does not want you to discover what these are. you asking specific questions, following a specific line of inquiry, that's dangerous. If you follow it long enough, it could lead all the way back to the myths that she doesn't want you to see.
So, what are these myths? Well, there's probably hundreds out there. They vary from woman to woman, but in this video, I'm going to explore the three that are most common to a toxic woman. If you loved me, you'd just know what I need. It's okay for me to lose control, but if you do, you're abusive. And lastly, my emotions are absolute and beyond question. In this video, we are going to explore these three myths.
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Okay, back to the video. cannot convince me that we as women don't make relationships more difficult because we do not communicate our needs and we expect men to just read our minds and when they don't read our minds now we're pissed off.
>> This is the first myth. If you loved me, you would just know what I need. He may not be a mind reader, but let's take a look at the list of things that most men are willing to do inside a relationship. He's willing to be patient, to ask questions, to learn, and to listen. and to do what it is that she wants if she tells him what it is. And that's pretty good. This is a guy who clearly cares and is willing to put in effort. And yet, many women disregard this. It doesn't matter that he's willing to do all of that. What matters is that he didn't automatically know what it is that she wants. He needs to ask questions to find out what is required of him. But the more questions that he asks, the angrier she gets. But that makes no sense. She wants him to know her. But how do you get to know somebody except through asking questions. For her to get angry at those questions is ridiculous. She is thwarting the very process that would help him deliver what it is that she wants. Instead, she demands that he just read her mind.
>> How many times do you hear women say, "Oh, I don't want to have to tell him to go get me flowers. I want him to just know. I don't want to have to tell him why I feel upset or why I'm in a bad mood. He should just automatically cater to my emotions and fix it."
For some women, this is just her way of testing him. Like, how well does he know me? For other women, they're lazy and they just can't be bothered to explain what it is that she wants. They equate love with not having to put in any effort. But for many women who do this, the real reason why she doesn't want to have to explain herself is because to do so would risk exposing her irrationality. She doesn't like questions because too much scrutiny would risk the man becoming aware of the fact that the intensity of her emotions is not legitimate, that her requests and expectations are not reasonable. She doesn't want her demands to have to be rationally defended. She just wants to be emotional about them. If she just stays angry, then she never has to justify why. She can continue to feel sorry for herself and angry at you for not understanding her. This is amazing. She doesn't have to explain herself. Understand, it's a power move. It's about control. It keeps her in control because if you are expected to read her mind, you'll never win. She will always be the poor misunderstood victim and you will always be the one who is failing her. That is the power of this myth. It creates a permanent dynamic of guilt for him and emotional authority for her because reading someone's mind is impossible.
>> I don't know. I just feel like you don't really care about my birthday.
>> Yeah, I know. I could see how that would make you feel that way.
>> Do you care about my birthday?
>> I definitely care about your birthday.
>> I don't know. I just feel like it's not that important to you. I don't know why you would think that, but whatever I'm doing wrong, I'll work on so that you don't feel that way.
This is the second myth. My emotions are absolute and beyond question. It doesn't matter that you clearly made an effort for my birthday. Screw the objective facts. I feel like you don't care. And that makes you guilty. She has set it up so that her emotions are evidence. I know that you have been told that women are emotionally intelligent and that they are good at communication. But let me ask you this. Do you notice that the moment that a woman says something like, "I feel like you don't care." The conversation that occurs afterwards is never about her feelings. The focus shifts to him. He didn't do enough. He needs to improve. When she says, "I feel like you don't care." That is not her expressing an emotion. That is her launching an accusation and masking it in emotional language. And of course, men don't respond well to this. Because despite what women claim, men are not actually scared of her emotions. If a woman says, "I know it's irrational and that you put in a lot of effort for my birthday, but I have this feeling inside me. I don't know why, but I feel like you don't care. I'm sorry. I don't know where this emotion is coming from." If she's actually communicating her emotions like that, most men will have infinite patience. They will be soothing. They will comfort her. They will allow her to feel, to cry, help her figure out what belief or what trauma is operating. Find out why she feels that way. Men can do that. Her emotions are not the problem. What is a problem is when she presents her emotions as though they are facts.
The bare minimum in a relationship is validating someone's feelings. People's feelings can never be wrong. Their behaviors can be wrong, their interpretation, but their feelings are genuinely their feelings. I mean, it sounds reasonable. Feelings are feelings. They exist. They are there. But what she's talking about is not what men experience. What so many men actually go through is women hiding behind their emotions while launching accusations at him. Her emotions are weapons or at the very least shields protecting her from any kind of scrutiny. Now, in some cases, the necessity of validating emotions is true, but it has to be done consistently and with integrity. And so many women have just blown it. They just blew through whatever credibility they might have started with. And there's no trust. A lot of men have realized that this whole validate my emotions thing, it's a trap. there's no viable path for him because if he objects then he is accused of invalidating her feelings. But if he validates them then he is admitting guilt for something that he's not done that he never intended. He can't win. This myth that women perpetuate that her feelings are beyond question. It's so powerful. It gives them so much control in the relationship because it frees them from the need to produce any evidence. I feel it and that's enough. And what really sucks is that it produces this incentive for her to emotionally escalate. Because if feelings are evidence, then the worse that she feels by default, the more terribly he must have behaved. The more blame can be heaped on him. And this, of course, bleeds into our final myth.
>> If my husband talked to me the way that I talked to him sometimes, I would be in a literal puddle. Sometimes I am so mean to that man and he's always so kind and I know that he if he ever returned the same words and the same tone I would cry.
A small moment of silence for that poor poor man. The myth here is that it's okay for me the woman to lose control but if you do it then you are abusive. Let me tell you that a toxic woman will do whatever she can to avoid her man finding out this myth. He cannot be allowed to discover this because if he does, she'll be completely exposed. The double standards and hypocrisy here are just so blatant and obvious. When a woman yells, she's expressing herself, but if a man yells, he's being intimidating and controlling. There is so much cultural reinforcement for this. If we see a man angry and emotional in an argument with his wife, everybody jumps in to protect her because he's being abusive. But if a woman is emotional and angry at her husband, everyone looks at the man and thinks, "What did you do? What did you say to make her so upset?" Again, the man can't win.
>> Boyfriends who win arguments are abusive, by the way. That's what I heard. That's what I heard.
I am not exaggerating when I say this. Do you see that this myth actually erases his existence and makes it so that psychologically speaking, she is the only one who really exists in the relationship because if she's having emotions, it's about her. But if he's having emotions, it's also about her. She is allowed full emotional expression, but anything that he feels is framed as him trying to control her. This myth grants women so much power because it establishes as a default that she is the victim and he is the aggressor. The specific details of the disagreement are irrelevant and so many men are placed in the impossible situation of having to prove their innocence.
When you look at these three myths directly in the open, you can see that they can't possibly be justified. They're sexist. They're abusive. They're irrational. And yet so many relationships are governed under the power of these myths. But men don't realize it. They might discover the truth if they were ever able to get clear answers to the questions that they are asking. But toxic women have hundreds of strategies specifically designed to make sure that you never see what's behind the curtain. I'll return to that JFK quote. The great enemy of truth is very often not the lie, deliberate, contrived, and dishonest, but the myth, persistent, persuasive, and unrealistic.
All right, let's get practical. Let's give some advice as to what to do as a man to discover the myths that are governing your relationship. How do you make sure that you're not getting bamboozled and distracted? How do you focus on what the true beliefs and foundational paradigms are that govern how the two of you relate to each other? If this feels like it's a problem in your relationship, then you're going to benefit by watching the rest of this video. It is available on Patreon. That's where I post the extended versions of all of my videos. If you would like access, you want to watch the rest of this video, please come and sign up to my Patreon. It's a great way to support me, support the channel. I think it's incredible value for money. I'd love to have your support.