Transcription
How do you quickly spot someone's number one insecurity?
The first thing is you need to spot what they need from other people. If I know what you need to be seen as, I know what was probably missing in your childhood. And there's six social needs that we teach at NCI University. And these are significance, approval, acceptance, intelligence, pity, and power.
It's not that I need to be powerful. It's not that I need to be significant or accepted. It's I need people to see that I am those things. So if you're just in a casual conversation and you hear somebody say, "Oh yeah, I've been working there for 20 years and still everybody calls me up. Even after I retired, they still call me and ask for my advice." That's significance.
The pity needs person is one of the most confusing. It's not that they want pity. It's that they want you to understand how bad they had it or how much they went through. Our instinct with a pity person is to say, "No, man, it's not that bad." That's not what they want. My response to that person might be like, "I don't know how you keep it together." I think most of these people that see you every day, they have no idea what you've been through, what you've endured to get where you are here today.