Transcription
When I started really focusing on how to level up my life and have success on my own terms, I noticed what people who had the kind of life that I wanted to live did. And what I saw was that the people who do the things finally got their homes under control, get out of debt, get healthy, build businesses, and genuinely build lives that they love, they are led by one truth. They refuse to be victims of circumstances.
Now before you roll your eyes at me, girl, I know that we are coming in hot with this one. But understanding that single shift is one of the biggest things that changed my life and helped me to do those things. Exactly. Because you cannot constantly be a damsel in distress and a winner at life all at the same time.
I am so passionate about this because if anybody had a reason to stay in victim mentality, I felt highly qualified. I often tell this story about my parents passing in my 20s because it was such a pivotal time that really kind of changed my brain chemistry. I wasn't just grieving, but I was dealing with a life that suddenly had gotten really, really hard on a whole lot of fronts. And so, the circumstances really did tempt me to believe that my life would be always harder than everybody else's. That maybe I should lower my expectations because this was just the life and the hand that I had been dealt. But I knew that if I stayed in that story long enough, if I wallowed in that, it would become the truth of my life.
Some people absolutely have harder starting points. Some people have experienced real loss and trauma and financial hardship, things that they never asked for and never deserved. Refusing to be a victim is not pretending that those things don't exist. It is deciding that they don't get the final vote.
Getting out of that victim mindset and really seeing where I could take control over my life helped me to finally start taking control of my life and getting out of this place where I just felt so stuck. So, I made a decision and another and another and I kept showing up until things finally started to change. Was it easy and did things go perfectly? 100% not. But things did start to change. A lot of that real work had to happen in my mind in the stories that I was tempted to believe about my life. And it's something that I know becomes a hangup for a lot of people because that work is hard.
And this is actually a really great moment for me to thank Growth Therapy for partnering with me on today's video. Growth Therapy is a platform that makes it easier to actually get started with unpacking what is going on and doing the work to figure out what your next step is. They work with over 25,000 vetted licensed providers that you can filter by specialization, gender, language, faith, and so much more. Which means that you get to pick the therapist that best fits your needs because they understand that when it comes to healthcare, choice matters. I really appreciate how easy they make it to invest in yourself and your mental health. If you need medication management, they can connect you with licensed psychiatrists. They work with over 125 insurance plans, including Medicaid in some states. If you're using insurance, sessions average around $21. There are no subscriptions, no commitments. You just pay per session. So, to learn more about Growth Therapy, go ahead and head to the link in my description or scan the QR code that's on the screen for a quicker way to get support or find a therapist.
All right, back to it. What does refusing to be a victim actually look like? In action, I do see it show up in four specific ways. People who refuse to be victims shift their focus and start asking different questions. Most people, when things aren't working, naturally go to why is this happening to me? Why can't I ever catch a break? Why does this always happen? I have asked every single one of those and yeah, they feel justified. Sometimes they are, but those questions don't produce anything. Now, they do create a really good pity party. And if you have been through something difficult, you know that pity parties can feel earned and comforting. But they don't move your life forward because every one of those questions points outward to luck, to circumstances, other people, to everything except the one thing that you can actually do something about, which is yourself.
Instead of "Why is my house always a mess?" What's one drawer I can tackle today? Instead of "Why can I never get ahead financially?" it might be "What's one spending category I can look at this week?" Instead of "Why am I like this?" the question is "What can I do next?" Same life, same circumstances, but completely different trajectory because the question that you are asking determines the direction that you're moving every single time.
After changing the question, now you have to actually move on to some answers. The second thing that changes is decluttering the idea of feeling ready. If you are new here, welcome. I talk a lot about decluttering on my channel because clutter does not just live in your house. It is a whole metaphor for how we think, what we tolerate, and how we live our lives. One of the biggest pieces of mental clutter that we hold on to is this idea that we have to feel ready before we move. Think of how many times you have said some version of "I'll get healthy when work slows down." "I will tackle the house when I have a full weekend free." "I'll work on my finances when I am making more money." "I'll start the business when I feel more ready." Let me just save you some time, babe. You are not going to wake up one day magically excited to declutter the garage or fix the finances, lose the weight, start the business, or have that difficult conversation. It's just it's not how it works.
People who actually level up don't wait for certainty or excitement. They move before they feel ready and they figure it out while they are in the process of moving. Every time you do something before you feel ready, you prove to yourself that you can be trusted. You are someone who decides and then does. You don't have to feel anything. You just have to be willing. Willingness is genuinely all it takes to start.
And I want you to hold on to that word start because that is not where we stop. Starting is one thing. But most people fall apart after the initial momentum fades in real life shows back up. That is when the negotiation starts. "I said I'd walk, but it's been a long day." "I said I would spend 10 minutes decluttering, but I'm tired." "I know I said that I would only do Door Dash once a week, but I don't really feel like cooking, so I will just make this one exception." That's a negotiation. Again, it feels justified in the moment. This is self-care. You know the difference between a legitimate reason and a story that you are telling yourself to get out of something uncomfortable. Most of the time, it's the story. And again, I have been there. I have done all of these things which makes me so qualified to talk about it.
But people who refuse to be victim of their circumstances apply that also to their excuses. They said they walk so they walk. They said 10 minutes, they do it. They said they stop, they stop because they realize that the pain of staying the same is so much worse than the pain of not just doing the thing. They've done the math and the math always maths and it comes out the exact same way. Each time you negotiate yourself out of something that you said you do, you're not just skipping a workout or leaving a drawer messing. You are throwing in a vote for the kind of person that you are.
This is something that we talk about in the collective, which is my membership for women, where we go deeper into these topics. And something that we dug into recently is that when you do that, you tell yourself that your word does not mean diddly squat. That your commitments are really just suggestions because you cannot be trusted by you. And that is a much bigger problem than just having a cluttered drawer. The flip side of that is also true. Every time you do the thing anyway, especially when you don't feel like it, you're casting a vote for a different identity. You prove to yourself that you are someone who follows through and that consistent proof is what leads to change.
People who live the life and do the things they are so focused on the process of becoming that nearly every day they are doing something and not making excuses about it. If it's decluttering one drawer, one shelf, 15 minutes instead of a whole day. If they have health goals, one walk, choosing water, cooking a meal instead of Door Dashing. If it's finances, reviewing the budget, canceling unnecessary subscriptions, saying no to spending the small amounts of money that really do add up. If it is growing a deeper walk with God, saying one prayer, reading one devotional, showing up when it would be easy to not. The woman who transformed her home, i.e. me, I have the receipts to prove it. She did not do it in one epic Saturday. She did it in 10 minutes here, 5 minutes there, over and over until one day she looked around and it was different because it had become a part of her and how she lived and how she thought. That is available to you right now. Not when everything lines up, but right now. Stop looking for rescue.
Here's the thing. You cannot constantly be a damsel in distress and a winner at life all at the same time. Those two do not go together. And this is the thing that gets most people, even the women who are doing the work, even the women who are showing up there. There is still this quiet place in the back of our minds that waits for something. Waiting for the moment that it finally feels easy or for the season when life slows down enough to really be able to lean in and focus and lock in. Waiting for this alternate version of themselves that has it all figured out to show up and take over. Nobody is coming. There is no perfect moment coming. There is no wave of motivation that will finally make it easy. You are the person. This is the moment. These are the circumstances.
And like a lot of this video, I know that that sounds a little bit harsh, but I find it super exciting and freeing because if nobody is coming to rescue you, it means that your future isn't in somebody else's hands. It's in yours. And I say that as a full-blown Christian girly who trusts that God is orchestrating and working things out that are in his will. I can't say, "Okay Lord, I'm just gonna sit here and I am gonna wait for you to work on a miracle and do something big in my life," while simultaneously making excuses and not doing anything in that direction. That is not faith. That's some foolishness. You have to decide whether you are going to willingly sink or swim. That's radical responsibility. It's not blame or pressure, but it's recognizing that you get to decide and that your decisions actually matter. Once you make that decision, that is when the motivation and the timing and all of that other stuff works because you've finally gotten to the point of, "No matter what, I am moving in this direction and this is happening."
If you are a woman who is in that space, I invite you to check out the collective because I know that making real changes is a lot more doable with community. In it, we focus on all of the things that I talk about on this channel, the decluttering, living a privileged life, leveling up, and real steps to build a life that feels good and intentional. Each month is one focus. We have live sessions where we come together as a community for coaching and accountability. Plus, you get a monthly alignment bundle, which is a digital resource kit designed to support you all month long. If you're ready, and only if you're ready and done doing it alone, the link is in the description.
The moment that you stop believing that things are just happening to you and start believing that you get to decide and that your decisions actually matter, everything changes. That was my story. And like I said, getting out of that victim mindset and really seeing where I could take control over my life helped me to finally start taking control of my life and getting out of this place where I just felt so stuck. I am not going to lie to you and act like it happened overnight because it didn't. It wasn't this magical, "Oh my life has just changed." No, it was steadily showing up and steadily challenging those mindsets that wanted me to believe that I could not move forward.
People who stay stuck are waiting for something outside of themselves to change first. But people who build lives that they love become stewards of what they've been given. Whether it is their time, their home, their health, their one life, and they decide to take that stewardship so seriously. One group waits, the other decides. So, what are you deciding today?
If you enjoyed this video, go ahead and share it with someone else who needs it. Also, if you're not subscribed, like, what are you doing? I'm going to need you to jump on that. Thank you again, Growth Therapy, for sponsoring today's video. The link is in the description, so check it out. I love you all so much, and I will see you in my next. Bye for now. Hello. Hello.