Transcription
Hey, what's going on, YouTube? It's your boy RadKex, and I kind of have a different style of video for you guys today. Um, usually I'm just posting like my sniping clips, my highlights, my best game plays, what have you. But, lads, today I just wanted to talk about my life a little bit.
All right, so as you can tell by the title of this video, I'm currently 24 years of age, almost 25 in like, you know, six-ish months, and I've never been in a relationship. I've never had a girlfriend in my life. Now, I just wanted to like kind of share my experience. I wanted to share what I've learned, and maybe give you guys some advice so you don't make the same mistakes that I did.
So, this isn't an easy topic for me to talk about. Um, I am kind of like an emotional dude, so just like opening up, especially on the internet, it can be kind of scary. Cuz people just like to take what they can and just run with it. So, but I felt like if I didn't get this off my chest, that I was literally going to explode, lads. I was literally going to explode like a creeper from Minecraft. So, here I am, turning on the webcam, just going to vent for like about 10 minutes, and wow.
So, lads, I I've always been like an energetic, like happy kid, you know, just bouncing off the walls, you know, just like just always trying to have like a great time, you know. Um, no matter where I go, I want to uplift the vibes of people around me. Um, I just like positive energy, and as of recently, lads, I've really I've really been down in the dumps, bro, like I've been feeling so so alone recently and no matter what girl that I've talked to in the past, no matter what I've said, no matter what I've done, they've always just ended up like pushing me to the side, ghosting me, and just ignoring me. Like that's my that's probably my biggest fear, lads, is just being invisible invisible to the world.
It's such like a demoralizing feeling to experience because you see all these people when you load up YouTube, when you load up Instagram, these people they're just showing off their extravagant lifestyle, you know, all the girls that they're with, all the money they have, all the cars they have. And I'm just looking at myself like, "Dude, where did I Where did I go wrong?" Like, why Why did I Like, what did I do to myself or to other people? Like, am I saying something? Is it the way that I look? You know, is it the way that I express myself? Um, I I don't know because it's a recurring theme. Uh, I've probably talked to maybe 100 to 200 girls in like the past few few years, but I mean, that might not be a lot to some people. But when you like when you talk to someone with the intention of dating them, you know, you really want to connect and just like tell them about yourself, learn about them, you know, it's a lot of energy being um pushed out. It's a lot of energy that goes into it. So uh, when I would just like get ghosted by a girl like for no reason, like I would try like I didn't like the idea of having girls on deck because I just thought, "Dude, okay, like if I if I get a girlfriend, then I'm going to tell all these girls like, 'Hey, you know, I'm I'm sorry. You know, I I can't talk to you anymore, but at the same time, I like I I wanted to have I wanted to talk to like multiple girls at a time because I I knew that I know how like fast people's attention spans switch these days and like I just I I like having a backup plan, bro. So, when I would talk to a girl and they inevitably end up ghosting me for no reason, I move to the next. I would go to this next girl. I'd try and talk to her and then I get ignored. So, I would try to talk to another girl like, "Hey, you know, what's going on? It's Logan." Blocked. Left on delivered.
Oh my gosh, my [ __ ] dog. I swear anybody even thinks about breaking in, my dog Zeus is going to just take out their neck. Um, so, you've been warned, okay? But, lads, I I can't tell you how many times I've had to restart this process of just talking to a girl, trying to get to know them, trying to make something happen. And I guess like I'm I'm like I guess you could say I'm kind of like forcing it and getting desperate. I don't know. I want to be 100% honest with you guys, but I want to give you some instances that I've experienced. Maybe you guys can relate to them. I love to know where you guys are at in life. If there's anybody out there going through the same thing I am of just chronic loneliness, you know, you can't find anybody, please just let me know down in the comments so I know that I'm not totally alone. Um, I would love to know what you guys have to say, but I mean, just like Easter just happened, right? You know, I was talking to this girl a little bit and I told her like on Easter, I was like, "Hey, happy Easter." You know, it was the holiday. Um, and you know, as a guy, you know, we dude, we get like no recognition, no texts. Like I maybe had like two people that aren't my family wish me happy Easter. Like, maybe if that. Like I think only one of my friends wished me happy Easter, but you know, I told this girl, I was like, "Hey, happy Easter." And she blocked me. She blocked me. So, yeah, I just kind of had to move on.
Out of nowhere, so I that happened and probably like the biggest uh realization that I had of how like lonely I am is so I would do DoorDash on occasion. Now, if you're doing DoorDash, like lads, it is not worth it. All right, let me tell you right now um with the amount of money you got to spend on your car, gas, like that's a topic for a different story. Like DoorDash isn't worth it, but anyway, I would I had to pick up order from Wingstop, okay? You know, I'm always out DoorDashing alone. I do most things alone. Um, I'm always like riding solo. If not, I've I've one of my close friends with me. Um, I was picking up this order from Wingstop. I go in. I'm waiting, you know, waiting for the order. It was that It was like a little late. Um, and I notice a couple walk in around my age, you know, just uh around my age. They walk in, you know, they're they're they're DoorDashing, too. So, they're waiting for an order. Um, and then I noticed another couple walk in out of nowhere. My age, you know, a guy and a girl just waiting for their order as well. I'm like, "Okay. Nice." So, but then another couple walked in. Three couples walk in around my age and doing DoorDash. I think that they know each other. So, I'm I think I'm being pranked, bro. So, I'm just like, "What What's happening?" But no, they were just out DoorDash and together, having a great time, bonding, making money, you know. Then then there's me. Just sitting there by myself like usual. Just keeping myself entertained, keeping myself company, and it really got me thinking, bro. Like, damn. I really don't have anybody, bro. Like, I have my brother, my My brother's my biggest supporter. I love my brother so much. He's always been there for me. He's always had my back. I have about three close friends. I don't myself as a pretty loyal person. You know, if you if you got me, I got you. So.
Wow. There's going to be like a lot of cuts in and out of this video, lads. I'm sorry. I'm I'm not used to like doing commentaries like this. And I'm just like freeballing it. I don't have anything written down. So. I do have I will I do have some bullet points in my head, but I just might have to pause it every now and then just to get my thoughts together. But, you know, I I I can sit here and tell you guys stories like all all day about how girls just like push me aside and ignore me. But, I don't want to like I don't want to make this video like too depressing. I mean, I want I want to make this video educational if anything. So.
Lads, I I just want to let you know that I'm I I'm so sorry that if I if I let you down like what whether it be not posting as frequently or the quality of my videos not changing. I've just I've just been kind of floating, just figuring out what's like wrong with me, you know, like what like why can't I meet a girl that just wants me for me and wants to stay with me, you know, like I tried downloading dating apps. I tried downloading Tinder, Bumble. Bumble's like Bumble was okay. I mean, I get like one match a month like Hinge Hinge I got permanently banned on, bro. Like after I made my guy I didn't even get to swipe. They permanently banned me, bro. And like I mean, they said my account was under review. I go back in like an hour or so later and it's just like, "Oh, your account's permanently banned." Like, wow, bro. No explanation. It's a shitty app, bro. I'm never using Hinge. Even if they unban me, I'm not using that dog [ __ ] app. Um, Tinder. Now Tinder I'm then what am I left with? Tinder, bro. I go on Tinder. It's like a revolving door. I'll delete it. I'll redownload it. I'll match like a few cute girls. I'll blow it or I'll get ghosted and then I'll get mad at myself and delete the app. But then I'll realize like I'm not really meeting anybody. So I redownload the app and it's just like back and forth, back and forth. But I don't want to make this lads I don't want to turn this into a pity party. All right, I don't want you guys to pity me, okay? That's not what I want. I just want you guys to learn from me, okay? And plus again, I just want to get I just want to vent and just get this off my chest. So thank you if you're still listening. I'll I love you guys. Um, but I just really want you guys know that I'm trying my hardest every day. Like I wake up with set goals in mind of just trying to better myself and grow. But it's just everywhere I look like everywhere I look, dude, it's just Oh my gosh, bro. It's just like a problem. Everywhere I look there's a problem.
I mean, I just got accepted into school. I'm going back to school this fall, so that's great. I'm going to Florida with my brother in like two-ish weeks. I'm super stoked and excited for that. Um, I'm going to see my sister's graduation. Congratulations, Todd. I'm so proud of you. Um, I say I do have some fun, nice things on the horizon, but dude I literally just I've been so overwhelmed recently, and I've been just trying to just like slow down, steady myself out. And just collect myself. Like I literally I deleted I deleted social media off my phone. As you guys can see, this is my first slide. You know, it's just YouTube, the App Store, the basic apps. Uh, this is my next slide. You know, hey, there's Tinder. There's freaking Tinder. I deleted Snapchat and Instagram off my phone, okay? For about It's been about It's been about almost a week, you know? Do I feel any different? Lads, honestly, I can't I can't really tell you if I do yet. I mean, I Honestly, I feel more left out than anything, just cuz I've had those apps for so long, bro. And like one of the reasons I kind of liked the internet is that, you know, you get to connect with people all across the world. I was talking to this girl in London. Dude, I've been I've been talking to I was talking to this girl in Japan, bro. Like, and then it's it's insane when you put it into perspective like how vast and how far we've come, you know? And I feel like dude, that was just it was just too much. I mean, but like I had too much access. I was like constantly checking it, scrolling, wasting time. And I caught myself lads. I was like, I got to stop. I got to start approaching women in real life, which is lads it's that's not easy. It's one of the hardest things you can do, okay? It's just put yourself out there and believe in yourself, okay? Well, that first thing's harder than the second thing, but believing in yourself just stems from confidence, all right? If you guys have confidence, you're already ahead of the game by a long shot, okay? Confidence is one of the best stats you can max out. I mean, with If you're If you're confident in yourself and your abilities, then you're pretty much unstoppable, bro. Like, you you really don't have any limits.
I mean, me, I've been I've been skinny like my whole life, you know, I weigh like almost 130 to 140 lb. I mean, I I I don't want to make excuses about that. I'm I just I just want to know, you know, what what my faults are, so I can just improve those, all right? I just I want to know my flaws, so I can correct them. So, I've been trying to pinpoint what's wrong with me and why these girls don't like me and or ignore me, cuz lads, I mean, all I want all I wanted for a while was just somebody by my side. Like, dudes these days just all into hookup culture, you know, bringing a girl home, having a one-night stand. Like, that's just not how I was designed, bro. I mean, that's cool or whatever. I mean, if you want to have fun, but like me, I just want to feel a connection with somebody, you know? I just I want somebody there for me and I mean, I do have that, but I want I want a a partner there for me, you know what I mean? Like, I'm sure there's like so many of you out there who are in the same boat. I just want to know that I'm not fully alone.
And like, I guess like I've been trying to find certain ways to cope with it. Like, I'll sit in front of my monitor here, I'll hit sniping clips, like I said earlier. I'll play different games. Uh, one of my other favorite hobbies is I actually make slow reverbs of my favorite songs on this channel called Ice Tray, which is actually my Xbox gamer tag, and music has really helped me out a lot, lads. Like, I love music so much, especially when my favorite artists um, It just It gets you It gets me feeling a certain way. It takes my mind off everything, all the [ __ ]. And I would I would try to find ways to just cope with like my loneliness. I would just I was smoking weed for like the longest time, lads. And let me tell you a little something about that. Like, weed It's all temporary at the end of the day. Like, you'll smoke you'll feel blissful for a little bit, and then it'll eventually just fades away, and you go back to feeling empty, you know? So, it's not a long-term solution, although I made it into a long-term solution. I was smoking like a lot, lads, for 2 to 3 years. Just, you know, I'll have a weed pen, a Benjamin, or I'll have flower, and I would just smoke like multiple times a day. Like, 10 minutes. 20 minutes go by. And I would just like keep ripping it, bro, over and over again. And I would just watch the days go by, but it would it would it was I was happy, bro. Like, I was I was happy in my own world. I was smiling, you know? I was just fried off my ass, bro, for like so long. But, it eventually caught up with me, bro. Like, randomly 2 weeks ago, I started smoking again, or I'm still smoking just cuz like whenever like a girl were to like stop talking to me and ghost me, like, whenever I would smoke weed, it would just it would take like all the pain away, bro. I'd forget about it. I'd be happy with myself, and I just I It It was That's the thing. Like, it would just It would help me like get through it, bro. Like, for like so long. But, then recently when I started smoking I would get like these really traumatic flashbacks of when like I would used to get bullied or like random traumatic memories would flood my mind when I smoke now. Like this only started happening 2 weeks ago and I think it's just because like I really just isolated myself, bro. Like I really just sat in this broken gaming chair this broken gaming chair for almost 2 years. Just sitting here just smoking, watching YouTube and I think it finally started to catch up with me, bro. That is that is like rock bottom, bro. Like not even having control over your own mind, so I kicked the weed. I took my disposable and I threw it against the ground as hard as I could and I broke it, which it kind of hurt my heart cuz I love weed at the end of the day, but I knew I knew I just had to cut it off, bro, cuz I was getting becoming so dependent on it, bro. Like I mean, yeah, you could say, you know, there's harder substances to abuse out there, but dude, weed is just You can say it's not addictive all you want, but if if it's there if it was there for you when nobody else was, bro. Like I just I used it as a crutch for so long and I just I just don't know what to do anymore, bro. Like I'm it's it's like the same process keeps repeating, bro. Like That's why I deleted Instagram and Snapchat cuz I would literally just meet a girl. We'd talk for like a day or two, maybe hey, maybe even like more than maybe close to a week and then it would just turn into fairy dust, bro. Would dissipate in front of my very [ __ ] eyes. And there's me there who I'm always dude, I'm like never the I'm I never ghost anybody, bro, cuz I'm not a [ __ ] coward. If I'm feeling some type of way about a situation, I'm going to tell you and I'm going to let you know, okay? So you you at least get closure, all right? Cuz that's what I want. That's what I need. And we can sit here and talk about my issues. I mean, yeah, I do have abandonment issues. I do hate it when people leave my life that I like and care about. Um, but I mean, I guess that's that's what life's about, you know? You live and you move on. Life goes on. So, it's just all about adapting to your current, you know, to where you're at. It's all about adapting.
And there's supposed to be like these set rules. Okay, don't double text when you're first talking to a girl. Mirror their responses so you don't look desperate. Reply at a certain time so it makes it like you're busy. Like, dude, what the [ __ ] I just want somebody genuine, bro. I just want someone who cares about me for me and that I could just be happy with and just smile with. And oh my gosh, bro. I mean, I guess that's too much to ask, dude. I mean, [ __ ] Like, I deleted Instagram and Snapchat just to like get away from all of it and just kind of collect myself. But now I just feel like I'm missing out on opportunities. But meanwhile, the opportunities are right in front of me. I could have talked to the girl at the coffee shop today, you know? I could have talked to the girl that was walking across the street, you know? I could have talked to the girl that was behind me in line or whatever. Like, dude, you can play with real like lads, this is something but you can play with reality to morph it into what you want. Like, if you see somebody you like, my problem was when I would see somebody I like, I would I would be so nervous about messing it up and being mad at myself I just wouldn't approach them at all. Which that's that's kind of scary because not even like giving yourself a shot, I mean, that's lads, don't don't be like that. If you see a girl that you want, don't miss the opportunity, bro. Please. If you see a girl out in public that you like and you want to get to know, seize the opportunity, bro. Don't be like me and just be like a nervous, petrified wreck.
I mean, I've I've been trying to get better. Like I've been trying to go out more. Um, like I just I just got my birth certificate renewed today. I got a new driver's license. Like I've been doing some chores. I've been getting out more, you know. It's starting to get beautiful and nice out where I'm at. So, that's something to look forward to. And excuse me. I'm sorry. Um, I live close to the capital of my state. So, it's it's always like active in there down there on the weekends. So, Friday, Saturday night, I'll go out with my buddy Nate. I was talking to this one girl. And I knew her for a while. We've known each other. Like we've given each other looks. You know, she I caught her smiling at me or whatever. Um, and I never quite made a move, but I saw her again recently like a few months back. And I was excited. I was talking to her for like 10 minutes. It was a It was a cool conversation. It was whatever, but after that convo, bro, I wake up the next morning cuz it was late when we talked. After that convo, I wake up and she blocked me on Adam4Adam, bro. Common trend, right? Common trend. I mean, I guess girls don't like uh nice guys anymore cuz I like to think that like I'm like a nice, pure-hearted guy. I mean, I guess they just think we're weak and pathetic. So, I mean, I guess I'll just start being an [ __ ] and just like start breaking bottles at the club on people's heads. No, I'm not going to do that. I don't want to get an assault charge. Please don't take that seriously, FBI, if you're watching this. Um, but lads, it's just it's a it's been affecting my mood. It's been affecting how I feel. Like I've been sleeping a lot more cuz I've just I'm like I'm not happy with myself, but like I feel like I could be doing so much more. Like I feel like I'm wasting time. Like I feel like I wasted so much [ __ ] time, bro. Like I graduated high school as soon as COVID hit. So everybody was just staying home. You know, I really I was already like, you know, a homebody. So this just took it to the extreme. I was like staying in my house. Like dude, 2022 I remember decently, but 2023 and 2024 was just pretty much a blur, bro. Like those years just came and went. And like I can't recollect on anything major that happened other than I went to a Travis Scott concert that my brother took me to for my birthday in 2023. Um, but I really don't want to point fingers and blame anybody, bro, but one of the reasons I thought stemmed from like my lack of just uh my lack of skill when it comes to talking to women. I I never really had like my dad in the picture. Um, He was always just kind of doing his own thing. My parents were divorced like ever since I was born. So I would see my dad here and there, but we you know, we we weren't like this. You know, we weren't like that close. And we never were. So I feel like I just I never never really had like a male role model in my life to kind of show me the way. So I feel like I'm just kind of eyeballing it and just going going through life by my own path, by my own direction, you know? I'm just kind of winging it here and there. And that's the last thing you want to do, guys. You don't want to fire from the hip. You want to come in with a plan. All right?
Lads, I've I've been ghosted and ignored by women so many times that when I finally get a girl that I that means something to me that actually want me and like me back like it's just going to feel it's going to feel surreal bro like I can't I can't wait for that and same with you like lads if you're if you're going through anything out there like if you don't have anybody to turn to please just let me know I would love to talk to you guys and just like express ourselves like let's just let's just get it out cuz bro when you keep something bottled in like this like it's just it's only going to lead to destruction and dig yourself deeper in the hole so please please don't be shy to leave in the comments if you're feeling similar to I'm feeling um, if there's any bullet points that I forgot about I'm probably going to make a part two of this video um, but again it's already getting kind of long and I don't want this to be a turn into a pity party so I'm probably going to stop it here lads okay so I want to thank you guys so much for just sitting here and listening to me yap and talk about my problems >> [laughter] >> um, you guys didn't have to do that but it means a lot if you did so thank you for listening to me and I will I'll try to get back to just sniping and the regularly scheduled program but as I said lads the motivation it's just it's not there bro like my videos are averaging like 50 views and like these clips they're not easy to hit like that's pretty hard for me to do what I do on Call of Duty like quick scope and all that so just not seeing any reward or anything um, it's really been killing my motivation so that's why I haven't been posting that much cuz I've been doing this for like I've had this channel for like three to four years and I still haven't gotten off the ground yet bro so maybe I need to just really lock in. I got to change something here or else I'm going to be stuck in the same spot forever. So, lads, I love you guys so much. Thank you for watching. It has been Rack X. Deuce.