Transcription
Hello everyone, welcome back to the book club. Today I want to share a book that I believe can answer many questions that viewers might encounter in their hearts. The title of the book is "You Are the Mountain You Need to Climb." The author, Lianna, uses a mountain to symbolize the huge obstacles we encounter in our lives. Often, we feel that life's difficulties are external. However, Lianna points out [music] that the real mountain is often the one between us and the life we want. It's often ourselves. [music] The book mentions that when our consciousness and subconscious mind are in conflict, this mountain is formed. [music] We know we want to progress, but our subconscious, due to certain fears or unmet needs, will make us unconsciously engage in self-sabotaging behaviors. Just as two tectonic plates in nature collide, our inner conflicting needs clash, forming our life's mountain. This book tells us from the beginning that facing this mountain, we don't need to feel like a failure, because imperfection [music] is precisely the opportunity for growth. What we need to conquer is not the external mountain, but ourselves.
First, many people, upon hearing "self-sabotage," think it's a form of self-hatred [music] or a desire for self-destruction. But the book presents a very subversive view: there is no such thing as self-sabotage. These behaviors are purely a psychological adaptation mechanism, meant to protect ourselves. The author uses the example of the famous psychologist Albert Ellis when he was young. [music] When Ellis was young, he developed a neurosis that he later rationalized as a way to cope with pain. Similarly, sometimes we sabotage relationships or [music] procrastinate in our careers because our subconscious is extremely afraid of getting hurt or facing the unknown. [music] We use these negative behaviors to satisfy our inner need for security. [music] Therefore, to resolve self-sabotage, we need to find out what unmet needs are hidden behind it. [music] When discussing self-sabotage, the author cites attachment theory. [music] Everyone has an acceptable baseline and ceiling for happiness and success in their hearts, called the emotional set point. When good things happen that exceed our usual habitual ceiling, [music] our brain feels strange, uncomfortable, and even perceives it as a potential danger. This is because humans don't pursue absolute happiness, but rather familiarity. [music] So, when your business suddenly becomes very successful, or you meet a partner who is good to you, [music] you might unconsciously argue with them or spend money recklessly. The purpose of these behaviors is to pull yourself back to the familiar, but not necessarily comfortable, emotional state you were in before. [music] To break through this, we must gradually adapt to the new normal and allow ourselves to experience more joy.
The book details various manifestations of self-sabotage. [music] The two most common are perfectionism and the "grass is always greener" mentality. We usually think perfectionism is a good thing, representing high standards. [music] But in reality, perfectionism stems from the fear of failure and the fear of rejection. It's a defense mechanism because demanding perfection from the start often prevents us from taking even the first step, leaving us stuck in the conceptual stage. On the other hand, the "grass is always greener" mentality refers to someone who constantly changes jobs, partners, or moves. On the surface, they seem highly motivated to start anew, but in reality, they use new beginnings to distract themselves and escape the deeper conflicts in their current lives. These two types of people only enjoy the novelty of starting, but never go through the process of blooming and bearing fruit. The author reminds us to focus on progress, [music] not perfection. We need to learn to stay put and solve problems, rather than running away as soon as we feel uncomfortable. Another more hidden form of self-sabotage is making ourselves extremely busy. [music] Unless you are truly in a state of emergency, no one truly needs to be so busy that they can't breathe. The author says busyness is not a virtue; [music] often, it simply means you don't know how to manage your time, or, more deeply, [music] you are using busyness to avoid yourself. When you fill your schedule to the brim, you naturally have an excuse not to deal with those truly important and anxiety-provoking life issues. Similarly, we often make excuses for our inaction, finding a string of seemingly reasonable justifications, such as: "I really don't have time to exercise," or "My current environment doesn't allow me to start a business." The author bluntly states that life is ultimately judged by results, not by how many good excuses you have. To break this cycle, we need to start measuring our progress by the quantity of actual actions, [music] not by perfect excuses.
Many people fear hitting rock bottom in life, [music] thinking that falling down means it's all over. But the book conveys a message: hitting rock bottom is often the true starting point for healing. The reason we fall [music] is not accidental; it's because our old bad habits and psychological defense mechanisms have become unsustainable and can no longer be concealed. [music] Rock bottom becomes a turning point because only at that moment will our inner selves truly cry out, "I absolutely do not want to experience this feeling again." This thought is not just a fleeting idea, [music] but a declaration. At that moment, you will no longer shift blame outwards; you will only focus on how to pull yourself out of it. [music]
There's a great point in the book about changing your mindset. The author encourages us to allow ourselves to feel anger. [music] "I can't take it anymore," as a powerful cornerstone for seeing a new life. In the process of crossing the mountain of life, learning to read negative emotions is a crucial step. We are taught from a young age to suppress negative emotions, thinking that anger or sadness is bad. But the author says every negative emotion carries an important message. Anger, for example, is an extremely powerful emotion. [music] It tells us where our boundaries are or that we are suffering injustice. Anger is the fuel that drives change in the present. As for sadness, it often occurs after we lose something precious. [music] Sadness is an emotional release. Only when we don't allow ourselves to feel sadness will sadness turn into a psychological problem. We don't need to rush to overcome these feelings; instead, we should stay with them and listen to what they are trying to remind us about where changes are needed in our lives. Besides anger and sadness, the book deeply analyzes jealousy and regret. These two extremely uncomfortable emotions. Jealousy, on the surface, appears to be [music] criticism and dissatisfaction with others, but it is actually a masked emotion. [music] When you feel intense jealousy towards someone, instead of attacking them, it's better to honestly ask yourself: is what they possess precisely what I deeply desire but dare not pursue? Jealousy actually reflects our true desires. [music] Similarly, regret is not meant to punish us for what we did in the past, but is a signal. Most people's biggest regrets in life are not the mistakes they made, but the things they always wanted to do but never did. [music] Regret is telling us: starting from today, we must take action for the things we truly care about, and no longer betray our own expectations.
When exploring the mountain, we often hear the phrase "trust your intuition." [music] But the author warns that we often mistake fear and overthinking for intuition. Intuition is usually calm and happens in the present moment. For example, if you see someone and feel tired and want to help them, that's intuition. Conversely, if a thought suddenly plunges you into panic and you keep replaying the worst-case catastrophic scenarios, that is definitely not intuition, but your brain projecting fear out of self-protection. [music] Intuition helps you solve problems and brings you peace, while fear only creates [music] problems. Only when we can distinguish these two voices can we avoid making wrong life decisions based on fabricated fears.
Alright, so why do we so easily give up when pursuing something? [music] It's explained from a neurological perspective. There's a chemical in our brains called dopamine. We used to think dopamine was equivalent to happiness, but new research shows that dopamine is actually a molecule that drives us to pursue more desires. When we actually get what we want, dopamine actually decreases. [music] It's actually resistant to what we truly want, because after obtaining it, we are extremely afraid of losing it. To avoid the pain of future loss, we would rather activate our defense mechanisms from the beginning, [music] making us doubt ourselves, procrastinate, or even give up. By understanding this physiological mechanism, we can use reason to control our brains. When our brain [music] tells us to give up, tell yourself that this resistance is just dopamine's trick; you deserve a good outcome. [music]
The author mentions that the human body has a mechanism called the "habit switch," responsible for balancing our actions and thoughts. Our psychology also has this mechanism. The subconscious mind constantly tries to pull us back into our habitual circle. [music] When you want to change, for example, to wake up early and exercise, your psychological habit switch will trigger an alarm, [music] making you feel very uncomfortable and want to give up. Therefore, relying on temporary impulses or so-called breakthrough moments to change your life is not effective. [music] The key is to break down goals into extremely small steps, such as reading just one page of a book a day or exercising for ten minutes. Through these effortless micro-actions, we can gradually deceive and override the brain's habit mechanism, turning new behaviors into a natural new normal.
Before we choose to move towards a new life, the first thing we must do is [music] release the past. However, the author emphasizes that letting go does not mean forcing yourself not to think about it. When you use willpower to command yourself not to think about a loved one or a traumatic experience, you will only grasp it more tightly. [music] True letting go happens the day you start building a life for yourself. When you focus your energy on a future that excites you and makes you look forward to it, the pain and memories of the past will gradually lose their grip. You don't need to erase the past; you can allow yourself to tidy up the memories in your mind. [music] As time passes, when you look back at the past from the height of your new life, [music] you will find that the obstacles you thought you couldn't overcome have become distant and peaceful memories.
Speaking of dealing with the past, we must understand the nature of trauma. The author points out that trauma is not just a memory stored in the brain; it is actually stored in our bodies and nervous systems. When we encounter experiences that we cannot properly process, our bodies remain in a continuous state of fight, flight, or freeze. [music] Unprocessed emotions become a physical burden, leading to tightness in the neck and shoulders. However, psychological analysis or rational thinking [music] cannot completely heal trauma. We must cooperate with physiological methods, such as deep breathing, meditation, [music] or simply crying, to release the energy trapped in the body. Only when the body's nervous system feels safe again [music] can the brain truly disarm its alarm, and we can escape the state of hypersensitivity and anxiety.
The idea that controlling emotions means always maintaining [music] calmness is a misconception. The author presents a very important concept: controlling emotions is not about suppressing them or turning a blind eye to reality, which ultimately leads to emotional breakdown. [music] Controlling emotions means consciously feeling your feelings and then choosing how to respond. The book suggests we learn to simply feel. For example, when angry, don't force yourself to relax, but allow anger, [music] sadness, or fear to surface without judgment. Let them pass, or prepare a journal to write down the most negative and chaotic thoughts in your mind. When emotions are fully expressed, they will naturally dissipate, [music] rather than becoming a roadmap that destroys our lives.
Whether it's towards ourselves or those around us, the most effective way to deal with emotions is recognition. [music] Often, when we vent or get angry, we are not asking for solutions; we simply want to hear someone say, "I understand [music] why you feel so bad." Recognizing emotions does not mean agreeing with the other person's viewpoint, [music] nor does it mean that emotion is the most rational. It simply conveys the message that it is completely reasonable for you to feel this way. When we learn to accept [music] the grievances and anger, and stop criticizing ourselves for thinking this way, [music] the inner pressure will instantly lighten. Instead of treating emotions as enemies to be burned away, we should treat them as signals reminding us to care for ourselves. This self-acceptance is the first step towards overcoming self-sabotage and moving towards peace.
After clearing the baggage of the past, the next step is to look towards the future. Psychotherapy often uses the concept of the inner child to heal the past. The author teaches us to use our future selves to guide us. You can sit in a quiet environment and imagine your highest, [music] ideal self sitting in front of you. Observe their demeanor, their clothing, [music] how they live. You can ask this future self for advice and listen to what they would suggest to your current self. This process should be empowering and bring you peace. You can imagine your future self handing you the keys to a new house or the essentials of life. Through this visualization exercise, we can shift our thinking from present fear to future anticipation, thereby gaining the courage and direction to take action.
Many people mistakenly believe that having big dreams and aspirations is enough. The author brutally points out that relying on them alone is useless. What you truly need is a principle. A dream is just a fleeting feeling and fantasy. When encountering difficulties, it easily collapses. A principle, on the other hand, is an objective natural law. [music] Just like a farmer, you sow in spring and reap in autumn. If you want to improve your physique, you don't need a sculpted abdomen, but rather the principle of consistent exercise. If you want to improve your relationship, you need the principle of honest communication. A good life is built from the inside out, relying on the daily execution of tedious but useful principles. When you adhere to them, the effect of time will eventually bring you change. This is how you move from survival mode to a thriving path.
Modern society constantly tells us to follow our passions, but many people, deep down, [music] don't know where their passions lie, leading to great anxiety. The book redefines what a life purpose is. A life purpose is not necessarily a divine profession; it is actually the intersection of your skills, interests, [music] and the needs of the world. The author suggests we ask ourselves a few questions: What are the things you do most naturally and effortlessly? If there were no social media and no one to impress, what would you still want to do? Most importantly, what are you willing to endure pain and hardship for? [music] Often, a life purpose doesn't come from within; it's a path forced upon us after experiencing mistakes and getting lost, in order to save ourselves.
Focus on becoming the best version of yourself. Your existence itself is already bringing change to the world. [music] To achieve self-mastery, train a strong psychological mind. The first step is to eliminate cognitive biases in the brain. [music] People with low self-esteem or anxiety often fall into extreme thinking, for example, one failure leads them to believe they are a lifelong failure. Another destructive bias is "psychic thinking," where we mistake fleeting fears in our minds for the reality of the future, [music] scaring ourselves. To build resilience, we need to learn to stop these unnecessary speculations, identify what is within our control, and then develop a contingency plan for the worst-case scenario. When your brain has a clear response plan, [music] your body will no longer be paralyzed by panic, and you will be able to rationally and calmly handle life's challenges.
"You Are the Mountain You Need to Climb" teaches us a process from [music] self-sabotage to self-mastery. You will begin to understand that many of the obstacles in life are actually created by yourself, [music] and you absolutely have the ability to overcome them. Self-mastery means taking 100% responsibility for your own life, [music] not relying on external salvation. When you learn to embrace the changes that come, when you learn to find [music] small joys in the mundane daily life, and are no longer dragged down by illusory anxiety, you will find inner peace. At a certain stage in life, you will be grateful for the pain that forced you to awaken, [music] because it was that seemingly insurmountable mountain that ignited your potential and made you the stronger, more complete person you are today.
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