Transcription
Imagine it's your girlfriend's birthday. You just pulled up and surprised her with a trip to her favorite restaurant. You finally get there and get seated. Everything is going great, and it feels like this is going to go down as one of the best birthdays ever. Then this guy appears out of nowhere. His clothes and everything about him seem to highlight your every weakness.
You're self-conscious about your body because you're skinny and weak. The other guy is built like a tank. Your clothes look ridiculous because nobody ever taught you how to buy clothes that fit. The other guy's clothes fit perfectly, and they're like a spotlight highlighting his alpha male presence. It's almost as if this guy was designed in a secret lab to be the polar opposite of your every weakness.
You try not to show any signs of weakness, but deep down you're praying that he doesn't sit right across from you and your girlfriend. The guy passes by you, but then doubles back and sits directly across from you. Was this guy sent by someone who hates you to make you look terrible? Maybe he was sent to ruin what should have been a perfect night.
The guy looks over at you, almost as if he can read your mind, and within seconds your hands begin to shake, and you start having trouble putting sentences together. You feel as if you're under a spotlight, and the guy is watching your every move, just waiting for you to mess something up so he can swoop in and take your girl before the date is over.
The guy strikes up some casual conversation with your girl. This makes you feel terrible inside because he is the polar opposite of your every weakness. He's like the perfect alpha male: he's self-confident, charming, strong, assertive. Your girlfriend is one of those girls who's really nice, and she replies to the guy's casual jokes. You feel something begin to stir inside of you. What you just experienced is jealousy.
Jealousy is feelings of anger, fear, and insecurity, and since you feel all of these things at the same time, it's absolutely not a fun experience. Some people feel jealous when a guy is flirting with their girl, or if you're a girl, when another girl is flirting with your boyfriend. Others feel jealous when someone else achieves something that they've always wanted to achieve but gave up on. Imagine how jealous you would be if your best friend just got a new Nissan GTR, which is the car you've wanted for the last decade.
We've all experienced jealousy when we saw someone we hate succeeding in life. They say success is the greatest revenge, and it's true. With the creation of Facebook and social media these days, everything is instant. If someone you hate just got a new house and you're still living in your mom's basement, you're going to know about it instantly. If your childhood friend just bought a Lamborghini, and you barely have enough money to buy food, guess what? You're going to know about it right away. We even experience jealousy when someone gets something that we don't think they deserve. Right now, you could probably think of at least a few people that you know that received something they didn't deserve. Those feelings you had were jealousy.
The crazy thing is that most people get it wrong when they try to figure out why they were jealous. In the restaurant, you think you were jealous because some attractive guy was cracking jokes with your girl and because of the way she was smiling at him. The truth is that, like many similar emotions, jealousy comes from within. The problem is with you and not the other person. But don't worry, because overcoming jealousy is easy. In every situation where you feel jealous, it's coming from one or several root causes.
The main cause of jealousy is a lack of self-confidence. When the other guy was cracking jokes with your girlfriend, you were doubting your own skills and abilities. If you were confident and knew how much you were really worth, you wouldn't have felt jealous. Jealousy might also be caused by fear or a poor self-image. For example, if you think you're ugly, even if you're not, then this can make you jealous. The fear of losing your girlfriend to another guy or being rejected can also cause you to feel jealous. Maybe you've had problems with an ex-girlfriend, and as a result, you feel insecure about your relationship with a new girl. In this situation, insecurity would be the cause of jealousy.
I want you to know that jealousy, like anything else, is just a message from your brain. Contrary to what most people think, feeling jealous doesn't mean you have some sort of disease. The feelings of jealousy are just your brain sending you messages and saying, "Hey buddy, you need to change something." The intensity of the jealousy that you experience can vary according to how you feel inside. If you lack confidence and don't know what you're worth, you might get jealous of anything and everything, even things that aren't a threat to your relationship or quality of life.
Most people experience jealousy, but they don't really understand the psychology behind it. When you look at the psychology, you can see that jealousy is like a competition. In other words, you're putting yourself in direct competition with the person you're jealous of, and to you, it looks like they're going to win. In your mind, the alpha male in the restaurant is going to win the competition and take your girl. Your best friend who got the fast car is one step closer to having all the materialistic things you've always wanted before you could get them. Your best friend who just got married to the perfect guy while you're still on boyfriend number six is going to have a better life than you. All of these examples are like little competitions, and when you feel jealous, you feel like you're losing the competition and have nothing to offer.
In the animal kingdom, if another male gorilla tries to swoop in on one of the girls from the pack, the alpha male of the group just beats him into submission until he runs away. Problem solved. For humans, it doesn't quite work like that. So with that said, how do you overcome jealousy? How do you stop feeling jealous when an attractive guy starts talking to your girl? With a simple psychological trick, you can instantly stop being jealous. This is something that I used to do back when I used to get jealous. The trick is simple, and all that you have to do is tell yourself that you're not in direct competition with whoever is making you jealous.
Let me ask you a question: if jealousy is caused by feeling insecure and unsure of your abilities during a competition with someone else, then how can you feel jealous if you're not competing with them? By telling yourself that you're not competing with them, you are removing the huge spotlight that shines down on all of your weaknesses.
The long-term, rock-solid fix for overcoming jealousy is developing skills, gaining knowledge, and developing your confidence. Once you're sure of yourself, you'll be glad to take on and crush the competition. But in the meantime, while you're building confidence, just tell yourself that you're not in direct competition with the other person.
At the end of the day, there is nothing wrong with jealousy. It's how you react to it that gives it the power to ruin your relationship or make you feel bad when someone else is succeeding and you're not. Jealousy is nothing more than messages from your brain telling you that you need to improve certain areas where you're feeling insecure or unconfident. If you feel jealous when some guy is trying to charm your girl, improve your ability to charm people until you feel confident enough to handle any situation. The same goes for anything else that your brain is saying you need to work on.
In the meantime, tell yourself that you're not directly competing with the other person. But building confidence and improving your weaknesses can happen so much faster than you think, and it doesn't have to take years. With enough effort and courage, you can improve any weakness, especially social skills, within just a few months, and the temporary pain is a small price to pay to never feel jealous again. With that said, until next time, thanks for watching.