Transcription
10 steps for the 20-year-olds who want to level up quickly and beat out the competition.
So, you are not one of the reminders to all of the 20-somethings that make it of what it looks like when you stay in your comfort zone and never level up. We don't claim that. Big thank you to Squarespace who has sponsored today's video.
In today's video, I'm going to be going through 10 of the best pieces of advice that, no matter who you are, no matter what you do, everybody who is in their 20ies needs to listen to this, especially if you're in your early 20ies. These are lessons that I've learned, lessons that have truly changed my life, and lessons that I believe that everybody needs to know if they want to be making big moves on their self-improvement journey. Let's get into it.
Step number one, you control your life, not the other way around. You get to be someone new every single day. The magic that is going to happen when you realize this! I have seen so many people, and honestly, I went through this phase myself as well. You become so haunted and so stuck and frozen by your fears, your doubts, your insecurities, the horrible experiences that you've been through and your adversities—all valid, but they don't control you. That's all in the past. If you wake up every single day and you think, "How can I take advantage of every single one of the pieces of knowledge, the wisdom, the experience that I've gained up until this point, who am I going to be today?" That's the question you need to ask yourself so that you are not doing yourself a disservice by basically playing your life by an old script, by old experiences that did not align to who you want to be and now thinking you're going to run your life based on things that you didn't even like about yourself.
So, you get to learn how to be a morning person. You get to train yourself on how to be detached from the people that have mistreated you rather than accepting the same old treatment day in and day out. You get to make a whole new routine that makes you the most productive, highest version of yourself you have ever been. How? YouTube University. There are so many videos by so many amazing creators, therapists, doctors, scientists online that literally tell you all of the information you would ever need to know for free. So, what is your excuse? Podcasts are free. You can go to the library, pick up a few self-help books, and master all of the knowledge that you always complain that you simply don't have. And remember this, it takes doing something one time to become addicted to the benefits. And I really relearned this lesson just last week because I had been in a slump for a week. I wasn't feeling motivated. I wasn't feeling like myself. I was waking up dreading the day and all of the things I had to do. And one day, I woke up and I thought, let me just try to embody my most productive self. And all I had to do was get a bunch of work done for that one day. It made me so happy. It made me feel so good about myself that now I'm back on track. Just from one day of doing things right, regardless of how I felt, just from embodying the best version of myself for like 12 hours. You are literally building a brand new version of yourself with every single action you choose to take. And I am not just saying any of this. This is literally scientifically proven. Your brain physically rewires and remolds itself according to your new habits and your new experiences. So if you don't like who you are or where your life is, your brain is going to help you get to a brand new destination if you just make some different choices today.
This links into step number two. You need to understand the difference between your conscious and subconscious mind. It took me way too long to learn this. I am glad now at 24 years old I've realized it. But oh my god, if I knew this at 20, when I was going through uni, adversities, emotional difficulties, it would have saved me so much pain, so much time, and so many traumatic mistakes. So, let me give you an example. Let's say your argument is, "I know I deserve better. I know I can achieve the life of my dreams, but it's just so hard because none of my actions are lining up." That right there happens for one simple reason. You knowing you deserve better and you can achieve the life of your dreams, that's your conscious mind. That is all of the information you've gained from watching YouTube videos, getting advice from your friends that has taught you, oh, this is possible and I'm trying to go higher. Your actions not aligning to that is your subconscious mind. Your actions won't line up to this new advice that you have been taught because your subconscious wiring has developed over years and years and years of how you were raised, the experiences you've had, the trauma and adversities you have faced, the insecurities you have, the doubts that are so deeply embedded within you that they are running the show of your entire life without you even realizing it. On the top conscious level, you think I should be able to achieve everything I want, but you can't because you haven't dealt with or healed the deeper wiring in your brain that you don't even have to think about or pay attention to, which says, "But you've always doubted yourself. But all of these people in your family said you were stupid and you wouldn't get very far, but your teachers never believed in you. So, no, you can't do that, actually."
So, how do we change this? Self-love. Self-love is the literal key to reprogramming your mind in a way that really serves you. Because if you feel unworthy deep down based on what you've heard, what you've been taught, how you felt about yourself in the past, and then you've never dealt with that or fixed that, you will sabotage all of your biggest opportunities. So, what do you need to do? Heal your self-perception first. Journal about it. Do shadow work journal prompts. Really take a step back and think, what are my core limiting beliefs that I carry around? And when do I see them? When do these fears pop up? Is it because I'm scared to ask for a promotion from my boss? Because I've been taught that I don't have a voice and I'm not allowed to speak up? Do these fears and limiting beliefs show up when I can't tell my friends no because I feel like I have to be a people pleaser in order to earn other people's love? Do I always penny pinch and never buy myself the things that I want because I inherently believe that money is scarce despite all of the videos and books I read on the abundance of money and manifestation? It's really getting to the root cause and those root beliefs and then learning how to overcome them because when you upgrade your thoughts and your identity, your actions will follow naturally. I really think like mastering your subconscious mind is just the secret key to really unlocking your dream life, and not enough people know about it. If you want to learn more about it, you can actually read a book. It's called *The Power of Your Subconscious Mind*. It's actually on my reading list. I'm going to read it next, but it's a good way for you to learn about it in even more depth.
Step number three, not manifesting is the biggest disservice you could ever do for yourself. And now that I have learned it, I've practiced it, and I put it into action every single day, and I have seen the gifts that it has brought into my life. I cannot believe—I cannot even wrap my head around the fact that people are going to go their entire lifetimes without developing this skill or really paying any attention to it. It is something that is so important that it needs to be your core focus every single day of your life. And it's not this big woo-woo witchy ritual that everybody thinks it is. It's not affirmations. It's not vision boarding. You can skip all of that. It doesn't need to be a ritual. Manifestation simply equals subconscious alignment. In simple terms, manifestation is simply becoming a vibrational and energetic match for the future and for the reality that you are asking for. It's about embodying the version of you that is already living your dream reality. It's about not living your life in accordance to an old outdated script that's simply linked to the lowest, most insecure, shyest version of yourself and then expecting different results. Like what? Because studies show that when you focus on a goal, your brain literally filters the world and what you perceive on a day-to-day basis to notice opportunities that are related to it. So, if you're not manifesting, you are choosing to be blind to 90% of the opportunities this world has to offer to you that could literally change your life. The second that you change your thoughts and your emotions and the way that you feel about yourself—they are like the holy trinity—your entire life changes and you get every single thing you want. Yes, hard work is important, but so is self-belief and so is our external perception. Once you master those things together, your life becomes easier than ever. And it really explains why it's like, "Oh, I studied so hard for that interview, but I didn't get it." Somebody else believed they deserved that interview more than you. And that's why they aligned, they attracted to it, and they became a match to it, and they attracted that opportunity in their life so easily. Meanwhile, you were preparing for it, or you were studying for it, but you were eaten up by every single one of your doubts before it. You didn't actually visualize or see yourself being in that job. You doubted your skill; you were thinking about all of the things that could possibly go wrong while they were thinking about every single thing that could possibly go in their favor.
Step number four, start building financial abundance because it is truly easier than ever, and we are so blessed to live in the time that we do. Start a business or start a side hustle because the truth is you are simply one idea or product or service away from earning abundantly without permission and without endless struggle that we have been taught that is going to happen. You know, we've been taught that we have to put 20 years of our life into a job just to climb the ladder to get to the abundant financial position that we want to be in. Meanwhile, statistics show that Gen Z and millennials are building wealth faster than ever through digital income online streams than any generation before us. We are so lucky that we literally have this opportunity right there. What is stopping us from taking advantage of it? You have the internet. You have free information through podcasts and YouTube videos where all of the experts who have literally done exactly what you want to do are teaching you step by step how to do it. We even have AI now, and 13-year-olds are out here flipping products or making YouTube channels and generating so much wealth and abundance. What's stopping you? And an amazing platform that you can use to achieve this is Squarespace, which is an all-in-one website platform that is designed for you to stand out and succeed online. You could already be scaling your business, or you could just start out, have no idea what to do, and Squarespace is going to guide you through all of the necessary steps to become an online entrepreneurial success. And that's because Squarespace gives you everything you need to claim your domain, showcase your offerings with a professional website, grow your brand, and get paid all in one place. So, let's say that you're going to set up a custom merch website—one of the easiest businesses that literally anybody can set up, and it can be completely faceless. All you have to do is design the product, so the t-shirt, the hat, the hoodie, the mug, and then Squarespace is going to handle all of the production, the inventory, and the shipping for you. They are taking out all of the logistics, all of the hardest parts of running a business, and you get to focus on what you do best, which is coming up with your amazing designs and logos. But let's say that's not really your vibe and you're more of a social media girly and you want to make videos or courses or memberships. Well, good news. You can create all of that and then generate extra revenue from it by using Squarespace to place all of that content on a fully customizable website that you can make easily through their tons of beautiful website templates, and then earn recurring revenue by gating your content behind a paywall. You simply set the price and choose whether to charge a onetime fee or a subscription fee for access. It really never has been this easy. So you guys can check out squarespace.com. Go there, set up your free trial—it's literally completely free to get started. Like the benefits are endless. And then once you've set up your brand new website and you're ready to launch, you can use my unique link, which is squarespace.com/tamcore. And that will actually get you 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. So get working, get enjoying, and get more abundant.
Step number five, run towards failure. One thing I've seen is that our generation gets so embarrassed and gets the ick so easily. And I feel like it's preventing us from learning so much about ourselves and about the world, which is inevitably going to get us further than everybody else, right? Listen, I am all for high standards, but high standards that are earned through your lived experience. Because think about it this way, you have learned so much from your breakups, from your friend endings. So, how dare you feel embarrassed about them? They literally got you to where you are. They literally made you the person you are, stronger than ever, wiser than ever, more knowledgeable than ever. Those experiences are literally what gifted you your high standards. They taught you what to look for in people, in jobs, in your hobbies. So, you know, people say, "I don't know myself or my passions or what I want to do." It's because you haven't lived enough to find out what they truly are. It's not just going to come to you randomly by sitting in your bedroom scrolling on TikTok because self-discovery is messy and it's chaotic and it's trying 10 things you absolutely hate just to find the one thing that you really love. And also, even through the 10 things that you hate, finding out so much about yourself, your limits, what you love, what you want to do, what you absolutely want to remove out of your life—that's magic and that's such a gift to be able to learn at such a young age. So remember, your dream life won't be delivered to you while you're hiding from embarrassment. It will be built through it.
Number six, communication skills is going to make the rest of your life so much easier when it comes to making friends, making good impressions, getting opportunities and jobs, connecting with people, and growing more as a person. So, by communication skills, I mean emotional intelligence, being a good listener, understanding the importance of small talk versus deep chats and knowing when to employ both, communication skills and conflict—literally the key to good, long-lasting, healthy relationships, and setting boundaries. It all comes down to those communication skills. And hey, even if you don't want to take my word for it, MIT researchers have literally said your ability to detect tone, micro-expressions, and emotional cues determines your success more than your IQ. Need I say more? So, how can you master this? I've actually read quite a few books on this that completely changed my life. And hey, all of this advice is coming from a formerly socially awkward girl who was such an introvert. I used to hate communicating with people. I hate conflict. I'm a Libra, okay? I didn't want to go up to people and start conversations and make friends. It literally made me want to crawl into a hole. I would literally do anything. I would stay in my house for the rest of my life rather than doing any of those things. But I knew I was hurting and damaging my own potential by not learning how to do those things. So, you should read books like *How to Win Friends and Influence People* and *How to Talk to Anyone*. Oh, and another book, it's called *Surrounded by Idiots*. That's also a really good one at just understanding different types of people.
Seven, my favorite one. Love is the last thing you should worry about, especially before the age of 25. If it comes to you naturally, accidentally, amazing. Enjoy it. But if you are searching for it, you are abandoning the most important relationship you are ever going to have—the relationship you have with yourself. Living alone, thriving independently, surviving heartbreak, making friends on your own, exploring the world on your own, traveling, growing your finances, growing your self-love, building up your self-image and self-perception—those are the real flexes. Marriage, having a wedding, that can come at literally any time. And let's not forget when you were 22, 23, you are only 2 or 3 years into your life. You are not 22 years into your life. Okay? You've been in education. You probably graduated at 21. Now you're 23 and you're thinking, "Where is my husband? And I want to have a boyfriend, and then I want to get married." Honey, you finished education. You left that whole system. Now, this is your first time in the real world, making your own decisions, being away from your parents, having your own independent experience with money. You are literally 2 to 3 years into this. You have so much to learn. You have such a long distance to go, and you are about to tie yourself into a lifelong commitment—you don't even know who you are yet. Major life decisions at 22 when your brain isn't even fully developed yet. That happens at 25 for women and 27 for men. By the way, you have no business tying your future to somebody who may just be a chapter, okay? Not the big ending. Why? Because, like I said, you are two or three years into your real life. You are going through so many phases, and because you have just started your 20ies, as you're going through it, you are going through the most rapid phases of changes and growth that you are ever going to go through in your life because you are figuring out what job you want to have, which friends you want to have, how you're going to handle your money. You are figuring out who you are really for the first time and going through such rapid phases of self-development that you are changing more than you are ever going to change. So don't make a lifelong commitment to somebody who could just be a phase. Date slow. Choose wisely, and please heal fast. And I think that's something that so many people forget about. Even in our early 20s and our mid-20s, we have so much to heal from—the things we went through in school, the experiences we had with family, people we may have dated with and broken up with, ex-friends, and how we treat ourselves. We have so much to heal. Don't tie yourself to somebody as a version of yourself that you don't even want to stay as for the rest of your life. Maybe let's make progress on who we want to be and who we're growing into. And then maybe when we start getting closer to our full potential and the highest version of ourselves, maybe then we will make more educated and better decisions on who we need to spend the rest of our lives with.
Eight, stop trying to be like everyone else because you are sabotaging your own gifts. Listen to me carefully, okay? You do not need to be a 5 a.m. girly. You do not need a huge friendship group. You do not need to look perfect 24/7 or even have traveled the entire world. What you do need to do is stay on your authentic path because that is where all of your blessings lie. Okay? I'm a big believer that a lot of our lives have kind of been pre-written for us in what our destinies and comic missions are in this life. Of course, the decisions we make shape it and influence it and adapt it. And I do think a lot of the early experiences that shape us, like the family we're born into, the school that we went to, the things that we learned early on, all happen for a reason because we are meant to achieve specific and unique things in this life because only we can do those things. Whether it's breaking a generational curse, whether it's starting a business that's going to help the world, whether it's doing charity work, whether it's becoming an artist and really fueling your creative passions and influencing the people around you, whether it's becoming a doctor and saving lives—like it could be anything. Getting caught up in what other people are doing is just leading you to dead ends. Because I know what they're doing is bringing them so much abundance, and their life looks so great. You know why? Because they stay true to their authentic unique mission. So they're getting all of the fruits of their labor from it. Every single time you derail your true authentic mission, the thing that is meant personally for who you are, the universe is never going to give you any of the blessings from any other path because it's not meant for you. You are never going to be granted peace in something that is not meant for you. It's always going to be taken away; it's always going to go wrong because the universe is trying to tell you stop going down these paths. It's not meant for you. So their life over there, their timing, their journey is all designed for the lessons that they are supposed to learn. So sure, please feel free to get inspired, but please stay true to your own sacred calling.
Nine, when you're setting goals, don't be so fixated on the end. Focus on the journey in front of you. If you don't, you are going to miss out on so many of the opportunities that you could have taken advantage of along the way, but you missed out on because you were so tunnel-visioned on having to be a particular version of yourself in a particular place, having particular things. If you are inevitably going to have the job, the belonging, the house, the travel opportunity, whatever you're desiring, why not take a look around at where you are at every single step of the journey to getting there? 'Cause the journey is never going to come back. Once you have it, you're not going to move backwards. You're not going to be in this particular phase of your life with these people in these places, with this mindset, working on these particular things. Enjoy them, soak them up. There's so much to learn, and maybe it will send you on a side quest. Maybe it will teach you a few things, but you're still always inevitably going to get the end goal. Because honestly, one of the hardest lessons I ever learned, and this was at 23, was the concept of arrival fallacy, which is simply the concept of believing that you're going to be happy and content when you finally achieve the thing. But spoiler alert, you won't because a thing, an achievement, an award can't give you happiness. A person can't give you happiness. Only you can. Only the experience of living life is happiness. It's the pursuit of happiness. It's going on the journey, not the destination—reaching the destination that lasts 2 seconds. It lasts a day—the happiness. And the next day you're like, well, now what? Why? Because that's the way that human beings are wired. No achievement in this life can give you happiness because the entire point of this life is to live it. It's to go on the journey. Is to explore. Is to learn the lessons along the way. And that's why every single time you see a successful person have a business or acquire wealth, they sell it and then they start again because that's what life is actually about. While it is so amazing to celebrate your accomplishments, please don't think that that's what life is about because the destination makes up 2% of what life is. 98% of it is who you become on the journey to achieving those things.
And finally, 10, the most important one. Let go of your parents' desires and expectations. Now, disclaimer, I am not saying that this is some excuse to disrespect your parents and never take their opinion into account. Okay? Your parents want the best for you. Your parents are trying to look after you. Your parents simply want to protect you, and they want to make sure that you're good. Okay? I'm not telling anybody to stop listening to their parents. However, this is what I'm saying: Your parents are playing an old game in a new world. They are always simply going to see in the lens of their survival journey, their generational wounds, their trauma, their lessons, their conditioning, and most importantly, their lived experience. Don't
Allow their lived experience to influence the life that you are supposed to experience on your own, through your own decision-making. Just because they love you doesn't mean they always know what's best for you. So please, please don't throw away your talents, your choices, and your passions because you think that simply because somebody's older than you and simply because they're telling you what to do means that they are going to be correct about everything. Because we have seen so many amazing people and artists thrive because they decided to believe in themselves more than what anybody else was telling them.
And I could have so easily been the type of person that followed a traditional career path, because that's what my family was telling me to do. They didn't know what social media was going to lead me to. Of course they didn't. So, I don't even blame them for trying to talk me out of it, because they didn't live in that kind of world. Now that I'm successful at it, they love it. They brag about me to their friends—the same people that didn't even want me to do it.
So, please remember that you are here to break cycles, not repeat them. And I know how much you want to make your parents proud. And I know how much it weighs on you. But please don't dismiss the idea that being true to yourself and living the life that you want to live automatically will make them proud, because that's not true. Living your truth will hurt for a while in the building phase, but living a life to please others is going to haunt you for a lifetime. Please stay true to you. It's going to be the best decision you ever make. And the sooner you make it, the easier the rest of your life is going to be.
And that brings us to the end of this video. I hope you guys enjoyed it. Please comment down below. Let me know, out of these 10 lessons, which one was your favorite? Which one has inspired you, or that you're going to put into action? Because I can't wait to read the comments and respond to you guys as well, and just see what you enjoyed. I would also love if you commented what videos you want to see from me next. I'm always looking at your recommendations. I'm literally filling out my video planner according to what you guys want to see.
Give this video a thumbs up if you liked it and be sure to subscribe because I bring out self-development videos every single Friday. And you can also check out all of the links below in the description because I do dozens of things that help everybody on their self-improvement journey. I have a guided journal that helps you grow into the best version of yourself. I've written a book that teaches you how to master self-love. I put out bite-sized content daily on TikTok that also gives you fresh new advice on how to become the best version of yourself. I also have a newsletter that comes out every two weeks that gives you exclusive resources, links to tools and lessons that I have been learning.
So, I'm going to love you and leave you. I appreciate you so so much, and I will see you same time next week for a brand new video. Bye. [Music]