Transcription
So many people get wrapped up in trying to move through the process as quickly as they can so that they can get out of the discomfort. Unfortunately, when you do that, all you're doing is skipping steps. And steps, steps that you skip in your process, at some point, they're going to come back around. So before we can get you to the place where you are free of this person, you're no longer thinking of them, you no longer have the emotional pull that they had on you, we first have to have a burial, okay? You have to have a funeral for the attachment that you had to this person.
Hi, you guys. Welcome back to the I Am Worthy podcast. I am Brittany Noel, your host. Most of you guys know me as a therapist, a speaker, an entrepreneur, an author. But here on the podcast, I am simply just your friend in the journey as we are all learning how to become the best versions of ourselves. So if you guys have been with me since season one, can I please give you guys a special welcome back? Because we have been waiting for season two for a while. So I want to appreciate, I want to say I appreciate you guys for holding out. I've seen the DMs, I have seen the messages, I've gotten the emails about when was I Am Worthy coming back. And so I'm happy to be finally back on camera with you guys. And when I tell you the things that we need to talk about, okay? Um, I think the, the best part about taking almost a year off at this point was giving me time to really, first of all, live life. A lot of you guys know that I've been building my business, um, and I've learned a lot. There's a lot that I've had to process in my own life. There's a lot that I've had to process with my clients, for my clients. And so all of that, we're bringing to the I Am Worthy podcast. So thank you guys. Um, and strap in, okay? Um, a lot of you guys have sent me pictures of your journals, of these episodes and the takeaways. So I always want you guys to keep up with those takeaways. Put your takeaways in the comments, okay? Um, if you have friends, family, relatives, co-workers, send them the I Am Worthy podcast so they can subscribe and they can get in on this journey too, okay?
So for today's topic, you guys, I want to talk to you about something that I've had to help a lot of my clients process, and even myself lately. Recently, I've had to process the concept of letting go. When do we let people go? When we know that a phase in our life has come to an end, and it's time for us to move forward. I think one of the most common things that holds people up in their levels of growth and the levels of healing is the fact that they are holding on to things that no longer want to hold on to them, okay? So today, I want to talk to you guys about what it means to let somebody go and to do it in a way that allows you to move through your process without getting stuck.
One of the major misconceptions that I see with people is that they think that letting go means that once I'm out of a situation, it shouldn't bother me. I shouldn't think about it. I should be free from it. But that is not true. Because just because you've left a situation physically, it does not mean that your mental and emotional state has changed. Okay? So the biggest thing that I want you guys to take away is that just because you left, doesn't mean you left.
So let's talk about what it means to lose someone and let them go in that way. The first thing I want you guys to know is that when you lose someone, whether it's a friend, a family member, a lover, a job, a business endeavor, understand that anytime we experience loss, loss is going to trigger your inner child, okay? Your inner child speaks to the way in which you attached to that thing. How did I attach to this thing that made me feel safe? That made me feel secure? That made me feel wanted? Or made me feel nurtured? So if you think about a toddler, when a toddler loses something, and you take away his favorite toy, you take away, you know, its favorite treat, it's gonna holler, it's going to scream, it's going to throw a tantrum. And that is the hurt and the pain that you're experiencing when you realize that something that you love, something that you were attached to, something that you wanted, is leaving for whatever reason, right? That is what we feel. That emotional upheaval is what you physically feel in your body.
When it's time to let someone go, a lot of people struggle with that because they'll feel that emotional station and think, okay, I can't let this thing go. I must hold on to it longer. I'm gonna try to make it work. I'm gonna make excuses for this person. I'm gonna keep doing whatever I need to do to make sure I don't have to lose it because that emotion that I feel when it's time to let them go, it sucks, okay?
When it comes to identifying and learning how to silence that inner child, you're going to have to understand, what is my attachment to this thing? What is my attachment to this person? How do they make me feel? Do they make you feel secure? Do they make you feel seen? Do they make you feel valued? Do they make you feel loved? How you attach to that person is going to let you know how I'm going to detach from this person. Because if this person is making you feel loved, then that means I have to find love in another source. If this person is making me feel seen, or making me feel successful, or making me feel important in any way, I'm going to have to find a new source because I can no longer get it from this person. This is going to be the time in your life where you're going to want to branch out and build new relationships. You're going to want to deepen the relationships that you have with current friends or current business endeavors that you may have. You're going to want to go deeper into some other things so that this thing over here can expire and it can expire gracefully.
Once you've identified what the attachment is, the most helpful advice I can tell you is to start your detachment process by having a funeral, okay? So many people get wrapped up in trying to move through the process as quickly as they can so that they can get out of the discomfort. Unfortunately, when you do that, all you're doing is skipping steps. And steps, steps that you skip in your process, at some point, they're going to come back around. So before we can get you to the place where you are free of this person, you're no longer thinking of them, you no longer have the emotional pull that they had on you, we first have to have a burial, okay? You have to have a funeral for the attachment that you had to this person.
When you have funerals, okay? And believe me, I've had, I've had quite a few funerals for people in my life where while they physically have not passed away, mentally and emotionally, I am killing the thoughts that kept them alive in my life. Many of you are attached to people by how you think about them, the thoughts that you hold on to, the memories that you have with them. And you think about all of the good stuff and all the things you love about them, all the while selectively forgetting all the times that weren't good and the, the reasons why you guys are releasing each other at this time. So when we talk about having a funeral, I want you to start burying those thoughts. As you are having these thoughts of this person, it's literally allowing yourself to remember that this time has passed. This person, this person's time in your life has expired. You want to bury the thoughts. You also want to disconnect from relationships that tie you to this person. Now, in some situations, it's easier to do than others, right? But I have worked with people who keep the same friends that you had with this person, or you keep the same, um, family members. I've had clients who still were friends with, you know, their ex's mother. And I'm like, why? That in order for you to heal holy and fully, there are certain relationships that you're going to have to give less access to. You don't realize that every time you interact with this other person, you're re-damaging that same wound because mentally, you go back to a time when things were happier, a time when you guys were together, a time when things looked the way you wanted them to look. So in order for you to bury someone significantly, you're gonna have to have a, um, a burial and a time for you to release the relationships that came with that person as well.
This is also going to be the perfect time for you to set new boundaries with yourself and other people. When it comes to losing someone and letting go of someone, in order to set healthy, effective boundaries, you're going to have to redefine how you want to now move now that this relationship is over. Please understand, we cannot move the exact same way. So whatever boundary you need to set, whether it's a communication boundary, meaning I'm not communicating with this person, or our communication will look different, right? I think one of the hardest barriers to overcome when it comes to setting boundaries is going to be the ability to set boundaries in terms of co-parenting. I get that all day, every day. How do I let someone go when we have a child together? Right? How do I let someone go and we have to see each other to drop off these children? We have to talk about the kids. And so how do I create a space where I can heal from the relationship and I still have to deal with this person? This is where setting proper boundaries is going to help because you're going to have to redefine how you want to show up with this person. I think sometimes in a co-parenting relationship, it's very hard to separate how we used to operate versus how we operate now. And you're going to have to be clear with yourself that certain conversations, certain communications, when they're being nice, it doesn't mean that this is like old times. There's going to be a piece of you that has to keep reminding yourself that this is not what it used to be so that you can see this person accurately as your co-parent and not as the person that I'm still in love with, or the person who's my ex, or the person that I thought we were going to have forever with. All of that goes in your burial.
I think the biggest thing that people have to bury when it comes to letting people go is what they thought was going to happen. The future that they thought they were going to have. The friendship that we thought was going to be forever, right? Sometimes we have a tendency of creating these alternative universes where this person is the best thing to me ever, and we've gotten through everything together, and they're there for the rest of my life. And that's just not true. Everybody who comes into your life does not come to stay. And we have to accept the fact that people come with expiration dates. And when I accept that they come with expiration dates, I can gracefully release them because I understand that just because you're leaving my life doesn't mean that I'm losing the lesson. It doesn't mean that I'm losing the great memories that we had. But I also know that that time has come to an end.
I would encourage you to find new habits, new routines, new ways of living that open your life up in order for you to move through this season of your life and let go the people that you have to let go, the situations that you have to let go. You need to create a bigger life. And I think sometimes when we are hurt and we're in pain, our normal, natural reaction is to shrink, is to make ourselves smaller. We go into a little dark cave and we don't want anybody to access us. We don't want to talk to anyone. And that actually extends your healing process. So in order for you to heal appropriately, I'm going to encourage you to make your life bigger by putting some new routines in your life, adding some new habits, adding some, some new ways of living that had nothing to do with that person that you're leaving behind, okay?
Now, if you're bold enough, if you're courageous enough, I want you to go into the comments and I want you to tell me about a relationship that you know right now you are in the middle of releasing or you have recently released. We are all of a community here. I Am Worthy because we are all on the journey experiencing a lot of the same things. So your comment can help somebody else. So I want you to go into the comments and tell me about your experience with letting someone go and let me know what the tips I'm giving you is actually helping you release this current relationship. Until our next awesome, amazing conversation, I will talk to you guys later on the I Am Worthy podcast. See you soon.
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Thank you.
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