Stop Being So Nice to Men! (Before they earn it)

Stop being nice to men before they've proven to you that they deserve you. Get in here, get in here, get in here cuz we're going to talk about this massive mistake that you make as a feminine energy queen with men. And by men, I'm talking about masculine energy beings. I'm talking about the people that although they frustrate us, we do want them in our lives.

And here's the thing, when you are too nice as a feminine energy being, when you are too nice, too giving, you're over functioning, you are giving to them more than they are giving to you. You're being too kind to them even. When you do that, what you're doing is you are setting the stage for them to undervalue you. You are setting the stage for them to not really want you and you're also setting the stage for them to waste your time and disrespect you.

There's a saying that is really true. It says that some people mistake kindness for weakness. And by some people, I'm talking about masculine energy men. I know there's some of y'all here, "Oh my god, it just feels like one thing after another. It's just like, God, these men are so difficult to deal with. Like do My god, it's like it's like what what do they want?"

Well, baby, what they want is you. They want a feminine energy partner. They absolutely want one, but here's the thing you have to understand, right? They were raised as a masculine energy man, they were raised I feel bad for them. You got to feel bad for them a little bit, right? They were raised to believe that they are the prize. They were raised to believe that they should have to pursue you even though they are the prize. They still raised to believe that they should have to pursue you. That's number two.

But beyond that, they were also raised with very low I'm going to call it out. For my masculine energy men on here who are listening, cover your ears. This no one I'm not intending to offend you, but I'm just telling the truth. A lot of them were raised to have very low emotional intelligence. They don't do very well at thinking strategically or long-term about how their actions contribute to how you feel about them and what will happen next. Right?

So, with that understood, ride with me on this, okay? And thank y'all for sharing this video. With a lot of them, they think that when you are being nice to them, that you're interested in them, you know, when you're showing that interest in them and they haven't earned it yet, what their mind jumps to is, "Oh, I haven't earned this yet. So, she she's being nice to me, that must mean she's desperate or low value or something's wrong with her because what have I done to earn this? So, that must mean I shouldn't like her, that must mean I should dog her out, that doesn't mean that I should That must mean that I should not treat her with a certain level of dignity or respect." This is what they think.

And why do they think that way? Because they lack the emotional intelligence to recognize that you're not nice to everyone. You're being nice to him cuz you're interested in him. When you text him back immediately or quickly, he doesn't see that as, "Oh, no, she's probably got a hundred unread messages in her phone and she's choosing to make me a priority." He sees it as, "What's wrong with her? Why she's not playing the games that I'm playing?"

And I know you're going to say, "Well, damn, I don't want to be with those types of men." I don't know how you going to avoid them cuz most of them are wired this way. Even the good ones are. I'm telling you this right now. I'm about to give you some game on how to protect your feminine energy and how to attract them to you by not being nice to them. This is not to be malicious and this is not to uh be manipulative in any way, shape, or form. It's really to help you to make sure that you get what you want. I want you to have a man. I want you to have the type relationship that you want. Even if you're already in a relationship, I want you to have what you want. But I want it to operate in this in the ways that actually work for you, okay?

First of all, I mean, before I get into that, I see y'all asking about my coaching. Yes, I still do do coaching. I still do do coaching. Yes, I do. The link is directly above or below this video, or you can click the link that's on my um on my social media page. That's where you can schedule a one-on-one coaching session with me. I have reduced my days, so if you see a day available, take it. Um so, I have been cutting back on doing live coaching, okay? Um but nevertheless, when a man is trying to get your attention, right? Let's say you met him online, you met at the gym. I don't care what I don't care if someone introduced you to him, right? And it seems like he really likes you, all that kind of stuff. Understand this, the first thing you have to understand is that the way that a man first approaches you should not dictate how you respond to him.

What do I mean by that? When men first like you or first see you, they always come on strong, don't they? Don't they? They always come on strong. It's always oh, hey beautiful, hey this. It's a flood of text messages that first day, that first week, that first whatever, right? They put in all that energy. They're liking all your pictures on social media. They do a lot at that first impression. Here's where you all make a mistake. You mistake his high energy, high voltage approach that he uses up front. You mistake that to be a reflection on how he's going to ultimately pursue you. It's not.

What he's doing, he doesn't even know he's doing it. What he's doing is he's trying to get your attention, so that you can give him the one thing that matters most to him. He's trying to get you to validate to him that you like him. You get where I'm going with this? Rock with me. I'm taking you somewhere, okay?

So, when you first connect with him and he's being very enthusiastic about reaching out to you, texting you, calling you, and all of that that kind of stuff, the minute that you let him know very clearly through your actions or through your words that you are attracted to him or that you like him or both for that matter, you have then deactivated his pursuit mechanism. By mechanism, that part of him that is conditioned to pursue, it gets deactivated when you affirm to him too early that you actually like him as well.

And you say, "MJ, this feels like playing a game." Men were raised to play games. Men were raised were raised to battle. Unfortunately, they don't know how to turn off that gene for you, darling. So, if you don't want to deal with this, then you need to go be with a woman. Otherwise, I'm teach you how men operate. You don't have to like the game, you just need to learn the game. All right?

So, with that understood, what you have to understand is that when you first connect with the man, you are trying to audition him and figure out if he works for you, if he fits into your life, if he fits in your world, if you are attracted to him. Do not perform for him and do not give him positive affirmations that you like him. The fact that you are talking to him, rock with me, the fact that you are talking to him, that you are in communication with him, is affirmation enough in the beginning, just in the beginning. Right?

So, those initial exchanges, he leads. If he's being dry in the text messages, don't you dare try to keep the conversation going and be like, "Well, how was your date?" No. If you're on a date with him or you've never been in public and he's kind of slowing down, and he's he's feeling a little dry, a little low effort, then you be low effort.

I'll give you a perfect example. I was talking with someone and she was saying, "Oh my god, MJ, I was on this date with this guy and I felt like it just went so wrong." I said, "Well, what happened?" She said, "Well, I met him. He was so really nice. We met online I think they met online somewhere, maybe Instagram or or maybe a dating app, I don't remember. Anyway, they met online. And she says he was so great. He was texting, he was calling, he was doing all this other stuff. And finally, when we went out we're out and it just the vibe changed." I said, "Well, what do you mean the vibe changed? Like how did it change?" And comment below if you can relate to this. Comment below if you can relate to this, okay? She said, "The vibe changed." I said, "How did you How did the vibe Like what do you mean it changed? What happened?" And she said, "I don't know. I felt like at the date he was kind of sitting back in his chair like this, just kind of sitting back." And she said, "I feel like I had to kind of do more of the work. Like I would talk and you know, he really wouldn't give much of an answer. It was like one or two word answers. It was so different than what I had experienced before." I said, "Well, what did you do?" She said, "Well, we're on a date, so I just kept on trying to talk. I kept You know, so what about this?" And like I was leading the conversation. I said, "Well, why did you do that?" She said, "Because in my mind I was thinking maybe he's nervous. Maybe he's shy. You know, some guys do really well online, but when it comes time to be in person they don't really their their true personality doesn't show through some well, maybe blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah." And you know, I just figured, you know, I'm more of an extrovert than he is. Why don't I be more um lead the conversation more?

I said, "So what happened with the date?" She said, "It just kept on going that way. And then by the end of the date, you know, it just kind of we went our separate ways. And I He just kind of haven't heard from since then. It's like is something wrong with me? Like do I look different than my online photos?" She's someone who actually looks better than her online photos. In her mind, her first thought was she got insecure. She thought that maybe he just didn't like her. Listen, she thought that he didn't like her in person. Like you know, that insecurity of maybe I don't look as good as my photos. And I'm like, "No, darling. I'm telling you objectively you look better than your photos." In fact, I really think she needs to redo her Instagram. Real talk, girl, if you're listening, redo your Instagram. You need better photos. But I thought like I'm like, "Yeah, girl, you look good." And she says, "Well, what did I do wrong?" I said, "What you did wrong was that you showed up and performed while he was underperforming."

Let me repeat. Anytime that you perform while a man is underperforming, you are setting the stage for him to undervalue you. And you're trying to do it cuz you don't want to be awkward. You're trying to be nice. If he doesn't talk, you don't talk. If he doesn't ask you questions about you, you don't ask him anything about him. If his answers are dry, your answers are nonexistent. You hear where I'm going with this, ladies? You never give a man more than he's giving to you energetically. And if the energy becomes so stale in that phone conversation, in that text message, on that date, and you're like, "I don't even want to participate in this anymore and say anything more," stop responding or leave the date. Just leave. Just leave.

You can be there just like this This my controller for my air conditioner. I can't find my cell phone over there. So, I got another cell phone over there. You know what I'm saying? He'll be like, "So, uh yeah, so uh yeah, I'm cool. Like, this going good. Yeah, everything going." His energy is low. [snorts] You do just like this. Hold on one second. I'm Somebody calling me. I got to find my girlfriend back. Hold on. Um hey, girl. Okay. Yeah, no, no, no. It's cool. No, no, no. Don't worry about it. I got you. Yeah. Shame your name is I'm sorry, shame. I have to go. Don't say why. You don't give him a reason why. He ain't earn that. I have to go. All right, you have a good night. Now, I'll follow later and I'll message each other again.

When he has failed you on a date, you leave. Period. Dot. End of story. And you know why you leave and don't give an explanation as to why or why you got to go. I have to go. Because what you're doing is you're allowing him to have to do the emotional work of admitting that he did not step up to the plate on that date on that interaction or he will have to figure it out. Y'all doing the emotional work for him. Yeah, this isn't working. I'm going to go. This doesn't feel right for me. Blah, blah, blah. It feels good to say that kind of thing, right? Like, I think I'm doing the right thing. No, you're not. You're doing the emotional work for him. And you're also giving them something to deny. No, it's cool. I just was tired. Blah, blah, blah. Well, you was you wasn't talking much either. You don't engage him. Stop being nice. Stop making these men feel validated. You don't validate him. You give him nothing more than he's given to you.

If you're texting him and he's giving you dry responses, slow responses, stop responding. Period. Stop. But if I stop responding, we're not going to be talking anymore. He's going to wonder he's not going to like me anymore. Well, girl, he's going to like you less if you keep responding to him when he's being low energy with you. That's the paradox I need you to understand.

As a feminine energy being Now, I'm talking to feminine energy women and feminine energy men cuz feminine energy is not about a gender. It is about energy, okay? As a feminine energy being, here's what happens. If someone's giving us low energy or no energy, we assume that they don't like us. We sometimes internalize to say, "Well, what's wrong with me? Am I doing something wrong?" Right? That is not how masculine energy beings think. That is not how they think. I'm telling this right now. How they think, you got to lock into this so you can stop making the mistake of trying to of putting in more energy when they're putting in less. How they think is when you put less energy into them, they think, "Oh, I need to pursue harder."

A lot of y'all say, "Why don't these men be real men? Why these men being so feminine? Why they not pursuing? Why Who going to be the man?" Baby, once you stop being the man pursuing, then he will be the man. A lot of y'all Let's call it what it is. A lot of y'all are the man cuz y'all putting all that energy to pursue. Y'all planning a date with I don't plan a date, it won't happen. THEN IT DON'T NEED TO HAPPEN. WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO GO ON A DATE WITH a man that you would have to bring up the idea of If I don't text him back and If I don't text him, then he won't TEXT ME. THEN Y'ALL WON'T TALK. WELL, IF I DON'T DO THIS, THEN THIS WON'T HAPPEN. Then it don't need to happen. Let him do it.

Stop treating this man like you like him. Start treating him like you don't like him. That's what it comes down to. Because these men, I'm telling you right now, the vast majority of masculine energy men are low emotional intelligence beings on some level. I'm going to call it what it is. Don't get mad at me. I'm calling it what it is. And for them, they internalize your effort as Oh, I should pursue her. I'm not here to make it make sense. I'm just telling you this as a man, honey. I know I'm pretty, but I'm a man. Okay? So, I know how men think as a man, and I also know how they think as someone who's been with them for the vast majority of my life. THEY THINK, "OH, I NEED TO PURSUE HARDER."

You see what I'm saying? Pull your energy back. When that man texting you, "Good morning." Ignore that text. Why are you responding to those low-effort text text taxings? You say, "All he does is text me good morning." Because you keep responding. Why are you responding? If you don't like the text, then don't respond to it. "I feel like it's rude not to respond." So? It's worth your time to send him to send you that mess. "Good morning. Good morning." Ignore it. "Oh, dang. You You disappeared. Oh, you Where you at, stranger? You don't be texting me back." And then you can say, "I'm really not much of text a text. I'm more accustomed to guys talking to me when they invite me out."

"I'm really not much Write Write this down with your heart and soul." "I'm really not much a texter. I'm more accustomed to communicating with men when they've invited me out." I'm giving you time to write it. I'm giving you time to write it. Uh-huh. "But But if I say that, then then what happens if if he think that if he if he take that the wrong way and he like and he like, you know, pull away cuz that's what y'all Y'all Some of y'all try to act big and bad, but y'all really afraid of that. What if he pulls away? What if he don't like it? Let me tell you this. The only men who pull away from boundaries and guidance are soft, broken feminine energy men masking as real men. The only men who when you check them and say, "Come harder. This won't going to easy. But I'm worth it. The only men who back away from that are men who either didn't want you in the first place for real for real. They just wanted your attention or your resources cuz some of you girls got some money. Let's call it what it is. These men are gold diggers, too. Let's not act like they're not. You know? Or this man really wasn't really raised in a way by a real man or raised by a mother who was able to give him real guidance. And he ain't got it. So, you what we have to accept is that there are a lot of men who are well equipped to step up to the plate and be the right kind of man for you. And in any areas that they lack in, when they are held accountable or it's identified to them, they will rise to the table and they will come harder. They will rise up. They will do better. They don't have to be perfect from jump, but they're willing to do whatever they need to to get to that point. There's a lot of men out there like that. But we also have to recognize that there are also a lot of men out here who were crippled from childhood. They have mamas who were single, who treated their who treated these boys like their surrogate husbands. That's my little man, my little king. And that mother put all her love and affirmation into him and never held him accountable to be anything worth anything more than what he is. So, he he would So, he grew into a worthless piece of nothing. Okay, yeah. He got good grades. He got a good job. Yeah, he took care of his body, so he looks aesthetically very nice. Yeah, he's spent enough time around women to know how to do a little sweet talk here and there to make you feel good, but when it comes to the actual the actual foundation of what it takes for him to be able to step up to the plate, he doesn't have it and he never will. And when you meet a man who shows a lack of current capabilities or lack of desire to acquire those capabilities and a willingness to actually do the effort to show that he's attracted to those capabilities, you have to cut him off cuz y'all are waiting on him to change into something better. You think that if you're nice to him and you're patient with him, he will get there. No, girl. He's This is who he is. He's broken. He's broken. You can't put that back together. But what you can do is move on to someone who actually is ready or he's capable of being ready.

Stop being nice to these men. Stop. Him, he reach out to you. Oh, yeah, we could you know, let's go out on Saturday. But then you don't hear from him all week. And then on Saturday afternoon, we still good for tonight? No, we're not. Oh, hey, I made other plans. I didn't think we were on. Well, what do you mean? We talked about it earlier in the week. Oh, I'm just I'm just more accustomed to guys like actually confirming. When I didn't hear from you, I you know, I accepted other plans. I accepted other plans. I accepted other plans. I accepted other plans. Oh, for real? I mean, Yeah. Well, I mean, so what? I mean, we can If you want to plan something else, we can do it. All right, cool. How about Wednesday then? All right, but you know, I'm I'm just telling you like could you just make sure you hit me up by like at least Tuesday afternoon to confirm because if I don't hear from you, I'm just going to assume that something else came up. No pressure. Instructions.

You want to know how you can really show a guy that you don't like him? And by showing you don't like him, I don't mean that you're trying to make him feel like you just don't like him at all. What I'm trying to say is When I say "Don't treat these men like you like." What I'm saying is, don't treat him like he's your top or only option. Treat him like he's disposable until he treats you like you're irreplaceable. Let me repeat that. Treat men like they are disposable until they treat you like you're irreplaceable. You heard that? Did you lock that in? I'm going to give you it again. Treat these men like they are disposable until they treat you like you're irreplaceable.

If he's really not doing correct, and he just is not getting it, cut him off. And this is where you do it, how you do it, right? Now, um this is, like I I did a post other day said, "Don't be breaking up with these men, just disappear." I'm talking about when you actually in a relationship with a guy or something like that. But if you just like the little light talking phase or whatever, you can set a boundary. He hits you up and you can just be like, "Wait a while to respond." You can say, "Hey, um I think we'd be really great as really good friends. You know, I think we'd be really great as friends. Um I'm just more accustomed to guys kind of um handling me differently, being more proactive, reaching out, you know, planning things. And I get that's not where you're at. And I think we'd be really good friends, you know what I mean? It's cool." Friend zone him. I think we'd be really great friends. Or if you feel comfortable saying it, um I'm really not interested in much more at this time with you. Why? Um I don't think we're a fit. I'm just more accustomed to guys who, you know, invite me out, um Um, you know, who do more than just the good morning text. It's just what I'm used to and you know, I'm not trying to change you. I just think it's best that we just, you know, focus on finding people who are more aligned with our energy.

Girl, these men will chase you down when you reject them one good time. One good time. Somebody's been That's all they need. Cuz let me tell you this, and don't get mad at me for saying this, but you got some women out here who Let's just call it what it is. They be bird-brains. Not all, some. Y'all know who I'm talking about. Be birds. When I say bird-brain, it ain't nothing going on up here. You got men who are the same way. We're talking about the women right now. They will let men get away with anything. Anything. This man don't plan no dates, and she reached out to him, "Well, when we hanging out again? You disappeared. I miss you." Ugh. Ugh. Girl, MAKE ME WANT TO THROW UP. UH-UH.

And so, you The thing is, here's what I'm saying, a lot of high-value men who actually have good character, they're not bad guys. Unfortunately, they were raised in a society where the things that made them high-value attracted good women around them and attracted a lot of women around them with very low self-esteems who were willing to pursue them hard and let them get away with anything. And you know, when someone has absolute power, that can corrupt them. Think about it. That's anybody. Because these men realize, "Well, I can get away with almost anything with any women any woman." Or at least the ones who've been pursuing them. Ugh, pursuing them. So, then he comes across someone like you. He has no way of knowing that your mindset is any different than the five women who came before you who let him get away with anything. So, when I say set boundaries with these men, stop treating them with tremendous value. Right? Until they've shown you that they view you as irreplaceable. What I'm saying is have very clear limits. That man should question a little bit, do you like him? He should question just a little bit. Because what you're doing is you're basically putting him to the test to say, "Baby, can you step up?" Can you step up?

And there are a lot of men out here who they will when you check them, when you pull your efforts back, when you regulate yourself and always make him do more than what you're doing, you follow his lead. So, when he does more, you do more. They will become intoxicated by that. Real men become intoxicated by that. These weak men, you all see some of these men who be commenting on my page sometimes, not all of them, but some of them, be like, "Oh, no. The phone go both ways. You can call me, too. Blah, blah, blah." You don't want that kind of man no way. You don't want that kind of man, honey. You don't want that kind of man, okay? The real ones will be like, "Oh, [ __ ] I like her. She made me step up. I'm going to do what I got to do." They view it as a challenge. Let me prove to you that I'm actually good enough for you. And that's the mindset. If you want to have true power with a man, through your actions, not through your words. Through your actions. Make that man believe he got to prove to you that he good enough. Through your actions, make him feel that way.

He's texting you every day, "Good morning. Good morning." but ain't giving you nothing, ain't planning no dates, stop responding to him. And then when you finally you respond a little while later, he'll be like, "Hey, you're not texting me back or you're not getting my messages?" I get them, but I'm sorry I'm not really great with texts. I'm just more accustomed to guys inviting me out. If that's not your thing, I understand. It's cool. If that's not your thing, I understand. It's cool. What do we do? We gently push them away. We gently challenged him saying, If you at want to make a man work hard, and if you want to literally ignite his ego, low-key sun him is what we call it. You sun him. Sun him is when you kind It's not condescending, but it gently makes him feel like he got to prove something. All right, if that's I I understand and I if that's if that's not your thing, it's cool. No, no, no. I didn't even like to know I I can do I He's going to talk a lot of mess. The girl here real manly. No, no, no. So, I mean, you know, what what are you trying to go at? Again, we're not done. Oh, wow. >> [laughter] >> No, it's cool. You really Baby, you really don't have to We don't have to do this. Like, you asking me where to go. I've never I've never met a guy who asked me where to go. >> [laughter] >> I don't even I wouldn't even know how to do that. Like, I've never had to plan a date with a guy before, but like, if that's your thing, it's cool. I just want to make sure we're just going to a place you like. I don't The his thing I'm just more accustomed to men who And don't take this wrong way. I'm just more accustomed to men who lead, like, they're not trying to come into my world. They're bringing me into their world. They're showing me what kind of stuff they like. They're showing me the standard of living that they have. You know what I mean? They're showing me just how I live. So, that's how I view a date. You taking me into your world. You showing me how you live. You know what I mean? Not me taking you into mine. Me leading you into mine. I'm just not accustomed I I don't know. I'm I'm I've never had to lead a man like that before. I've never had to lead a man like that before. I've never had to lead a man like that before. Say it like that. Oh, oh wow. Wow. Wow. No, I mean it's cool. No, no, no, but there's just nice places, there's nice steak restaurants down like in Yeah, it's it's on it's on the north side. Like, you know, that was real cool. I was thinking we go there. You know, that'd be real dope. Now he mad that you got plans because now it's about proving to you that he a real man. Girl, you better learn to talk to this man. Mhm. Johnson, ain't that That sounds like reverse psychology. I don't know how to do it. Yes, you do. Y'all would be doing it with your bosses every day. Y'all be doing it with your kids all the time. You know how to do a little reverse psychology. I'm here to teach you. Of course, if you want to schedule a coaching session with me, we can get to the to the nitty-gritty, the bolts and nuts and bolts of what you're dealing with, the link is directly above upload this video or links are on my social media page. Schedule a session before they run out. She made this man work. Mhm. And then when he finally does it the right way, all that I'm like, "Oh my god, this is so nice." Like you some broad off the street who ain't never been exposed to nothing. Girl, no. You act appreciative but not impressed. Let me explain. He takes y'all to a nice restaurant. Okay. Hey. Okay. I guess he can step up. Huh. Huh. That's nice. This is nice. Uh-huh. Yeah, this is nice. Uh-huh. All right. Yeah, cool. Yeah, well. He's like, "Well, this is real?" Yeah, yeah, this is how I do. Well, uh we'll see if this is a one-time thing or if this is something that you maintain. But, um yeah. And on a date, you don't ask no questions like say, "Tell me about yourself." Girl, what the hell? No, when a date you sit there and he leaves. Girl, we can stare each other's face all we want. Until he start talking, you don't talk. Him, uh yeah, so um uh You want to know anything about me? I I don't think I've ever been asked that by a guy before. One of my favorite statements. I don't think I've ever been asked that by a guy before. Um Is Do you want me to interview you or something? I don't I don't get it. Like, what do you mean when you ask me that? Play dumb. Play dumb. Yeah, but no, no, no, I didn't mean it that way. You know what So So like, what do you do for a living? Like, where are you from? Um well, I da da da I'm an HR director. Whatever you girls do cuz I know y'all be making good money. You know, I got a business, you know. But, don't be telling too much. Remember I said, don't be giving your real title. So, don't say HR director. Say um I work for um for a factory. You You the director of HR for a factory for real, but you know, whatever. And he be like, "Yeah, that's dumb." He like, "And what about you?" Don't do that just yet. Make him go through a couple questions first. Like, make him work first. Make him work. Don't be polite. What about you? >> Uh-uh. Uh-uh, cuz some men are long-winded and low emotional intelligence. So, you say, "What about you?" and the next thing you know, he's talking for the next 15 minutes about him. Y'all have all been there. We don't like it. So, what you do is he'd be like, "Yeah, so that's what's up." And you'd be like, And then he'd be like, "So, you don't want to know nothing about me?" I just assumed that you were leading the conversation. You wanted to tell me about you. That would just That would be the natural next step, right? You ask a woman I did a beat on it. Did you want me to ask you so that you could tell It's like you can tell me like >> [laughter] >> What did you want me to do? I'm confused. Be nice. The thing is you're being a little na- nasty a little bit if he twists you there, but you don't ever want to let it come through in your voice. It's real nice. You're really sweet. Always think that if the next table were listening to this conversation, you don't want to sound like you're being uh You know what I'm saying? He's like, "No, no, yes, I do blah blah blah." That's what's up. That sounds really rewarding. He's like, "So, uh where are you from?" Um here. I told you that before. It's You weren't listening? You can make him a little uncomfortable if you need to. You don't do this with every man. You do this with the men who need just a little bit of a push to perform. I know y'all say, "Indy, this sounds so petty. This sounds like uh No, it's not." You're activating his masculinity cuz let me tell you what's happening inside of his head, right? Inside of his head, he's like, "Shoot. Like, dang, I got to step up. Dang, she's difficult as hell. Like, shoot. Like, he's not thinking I'm going to end this date right now." He's not thinking that. He's not thinking that. He's like, "So, what I need to do next?" It pushes him out of the mindset of let me get her to chase me and puts him in the mindset of I got to work for her. They are very They're not good at multitasking. Right? His mind can usually only be on one lane at a time. I'm being real with you, right? So with that said when you put his his mind into the mindset of I have to compete for her, I have to chase her, I have to do the work, it takes him out of the mindset of trying to make you work for him. Right?

Even energetically, watch your body, watch your your what do you call it? Your um posture, your body language. Because like if you're sitting there with him at the table and he's leaning back, don't you lean forward. Don't you sit there with your good posture. Lean back also. If you feel like he's not working hard enough on that date to talk to you, don't sit facing him. Turn your seat a little bit to the side like this. Just like this. So he's right there, but you're kind of in this direction just a little bit. And then cross your legs away from the table like this. You're him, I'm me, I'm you, okay? What's he see? He see he got to lean in. He got to work harder. When you feel like he's slowing down the conversation and you slow down, you pull back a little bit. Still be pleasant. If he starts talking, you're like, that's what's up. And then grab your phone. Don't be like, oh, one second, let me check this. Just grab your phone. >> [laughter] >> Act like you're laughing at something somebody's saying. He's like, oh, so you're just going to be on your phone? Huh? You didn't hear him? >> I'll see you soon being your phone. >> Oh, you didn't say anything. I was um a friend text sent me a text message. Well, what's up? Did you ask me something? Did I miss a question? You know I love answering your questions. What you asking me? Let me tell you a trick I learned a long time ago, honey. And it always keeps the men coming back. Right? She said, "What if you too big to cross your legs?" Then cross your ankles, girl. Okay? Figure it out. You can do it. >> [laughter] >> That was a funny question. Um What I learned is that when you operate within your feminine energy with a soft seductive tongue you can say anything to a man and get away with anything. It is not what you say that turns men off. It's how you say it. Say it in a soft seductive tone. Make sure that your eyes communicate interest. But make sure that your words set boundaries. Listen. I don't know. Maybe this I don't know. I'm feeling like our vibe this isn't work. I'm just not I'm just not really feeling this right now. >> What you mean? Like we out? >> I don't know. This feels a little dry to me. >> What you mean it feel a dry? >> I don't know. I'm just more accustomed to men asking me questions. Showing interest in me. You know? If that's not who you are, I understand it. There's no offense taken. Mhm. I'mma head out. Let's just I'm not feeling it. Girl, please. >> He won't feel rejected, but he will feel challenged. Cuz he like He will start malfunctioning. Like I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I want her. I don't want her even more now, but I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. He No, I thought No, no, no, no. I didn't even like that. So, um >> Okay. I mean, if you want me to stay I can stay, but you got to give me a reason to stay, baby. What's the reason you want to give me to stay? What's the reason you want to give me to stay? You see what I'm saying? Uh let me see here. Oh, y'all tell me to remove this person from it. I ain't going to remove him. I'm just going to block him. Thank you, Vegas. Y'all are my moderators. Y'all help me out so much. I just I just blocked him. Mhm. I think he liked what he saw. >> [laughter] >> Well, let's get back to the program, girls. Yes. What I want you to do, this is your homework. You know, with my coaching clients, I often give them homework. I'm going to give you a little homework today. I want you to grab your phone recorder. And I want you to practice saying three things to a guy, setting a boundary with him, telling him what you want him to do. But I want you to practice doing it in a soft, seductive voice. I want you to practice leaning into your femininity. Because remember, you can get a man to do anything if you learn that potent mixture of pushing him away and making him question if you actually like him while mixing it with a tone, that actually pulls him in. That's the mind game. You're pulling him in with your tone, with your eyes, with your seductiveness, while pushing him away and giving him a boundary saying, "Uh-uh-uh." You can't get close until you earn it. There's a three recordings for yourself. If you want to be so bold and post it online and tag Matt Washington DC. If I see it, I ain't even going to give you a note. But that's what I want you to do. And what you're going to do is a boundary of Listen to this one. The first one's going to be telling a man that you're not interested in only texting. That you're interested in actually going out. And how do we do that? Oh, I'm just not really much a texter. I'm more accustomed to handsome men like yourself inviting me out. Well, if you don't want to do that much, I'm not much of a texter. I'm more accustomed to men inviting me out. The date isn't going well? I want to head out. Yeah. Why? Oh, I don't know. I'm just more accustomed to men actually leading the conversation. This feels a little dry for me. And then you can do a wild card card third scenario. You pick it. One that you've experienced in your life. I want you to practice leaning into your femininity in a bold, powerful, unapologetic way that pulls him closer, while at the same time pushing him away, setting a boundary, letting him know that if he's not doing the things to pull you close, you pull away.

If you like this video, go ahead and click like and click share. And if you want to schedule a coaching session with me, click link that's directly above or below this video. I do have very limited sessions because I'm cutting back on my schedule. So, grab a session while you can. And of course, if you don't have my best-selling book, Get Out of Your Own Way, A Guy's Playing More Than Seven Ways He's Holding You Back, it's available where books are sold. Just search the name MJ Harris. You'll see the book. It's a gold book. It's a best-seller. We got the audio version, all that good stuff. And feel free to comment below. Let me know what you think about this particular video. Talk to you later. Remember like what I said, stop being so nice to these men. Use your femininity to seduce them and pull them closer while using your boundaries to push them away and set boundaries and requirements of what they have to do in order to get access to the feminine queen that you are. Have a good one, folks.