10 Myths Women Believe About Divorce

If a woman in your wife's social circle goes through a divorce, there is a high likelihood that you and all the other husbands of the women in that social circle will also be experiencing a divorce or at least marital discourse over the course of the next year or two. A lot of misinformation is shared among women in these little social circles when it comes to divorce, and I think that's what allows them or pushes them forward to do it—to actually go through with it. So today, that's what we're going to be talking about. We're going to be talking about at least 10 myths that women believe about divorce that probably don't serve them very well. So let's get into it.

First and foremost, women think that they're going to be happier if they shed you; if they are divorced, they're going to think that they are—that their lives are going to improve in some meaningful way. And oh my God, nothing could be further from the truth. Statistically, even though I know men suffer a lot after divorce, women actually suffer worse in most cases. Now I know there's exceptions where women, uh, you know, make out financially. I mean, if your last name is Gates or Musk or something like that, then obviously she's going to do quite well. But uh, if you're just like the rest of us, you know, the vast majority of Americans are living paycheck to paycheck, and when you get half that paycheck, it ain't much. There's not much there; you're not—we—you're not living high on the hog, you know. So they think they're going to be living it up, and they're not. In fact, most women find that their lives, um, do not get better following a divorce.

What's ironic is these women who start this whole process with the first divorce—the one who initiates it—all the others, you know, she doesn't tell them the truth. She makes them think that it's all going to be great. It reminds me of when my, uh, first daughter was born, and my wife complained to me about why didn't anyone tell me this was going to be so hard. And I think that women keep this to themselves because they want everyone to experience the same level of misery that they experience. You know, I swear, you know, if one of them, you know, nearly escaped a shark attack by swimming in a particular area in the ocean, they would never tell their friends about the shark; they just let them find out themselves. Yeah, so happiness—that's the first one—complete myth. There is no happiness in divorce. So, uh, let's move on.

The next myth that women believe is that they are going to find a better guy than you—second time or third time around. Like they think that they're going to upgrade, and that is rarely—rarely true. Because, of course, we all know—and I don't think women understand this—they don't understand that men are like genetically programmed to seek out young, fertile, beautiful women. And as women get older, I mean, if we're in a relationship with a woman, as she gets older, I think that we can appreciate them for what they bring to the table in terms of their personality, friendship, whatever. You've got a really great wife; you're not going to dump her just 'cause she gets old. But if she dumps you and she's out on the market looking for somebody new, these new guys are not looking for, um, secondhand wives, you know, and they certainly aren't looking for secondhand wives with children. I think I mentioned in another video some time ago about how a friend of mine's parents got divorced when I was a teenager, and his mom had a great sense of humor, and she said, you know, I think she was reading in the Washington Post or something like that about divorce, or someone was talking about it; he said, statistically, I'm more likely to be kidnapped by terrorists than I am to be, uh, remarried at age 40. Yeah, and she was only 40. And a lot of the women that I'm talking about, like my ex-wife, who now is in her mid-50s, and although she's an attractive woman for someone her age—that's a big qualifier, you know what I mean—like for someone her age, that's—that's the whole ball game right there. So, um, yeah, if any women are watching this, I don't mean to be discouraging or to tell you that you don't have any value other than your physical attractiveness, but out on the dating market, that is the game that we play. Now it's possible you might find some guy that'll go for it, but probably not the guy you're looking for. So I doubt women are going to be able to upgrade second time around—big myth.

The external validation that women seek—they're going to try to find in this divorce process, too—um, by hitting you up for alimony. They think that they're going to get some more control in their life, and in some way that's going to make them happier, or that even being single will make them happier. Um, the problem with most women—and I'm not being, you know, not including everybody here, 'cause I know that it's—it's not true for all women—but for most women, their radar is set to external validation. They're constantly looking for someone outside of them to tell them that they're doing the right thing and that they're on the right track. And, um, yeah, in this divorce process, they're going to be doing exactly the same thing. So that's the next myth—they're not going to find any external validation in this divorce process. In fact, it's going to be as emotionally wrenching as any experience that they've ever had. They will try to cover it up, 'cause they want to appear to be in control. It's really critical for them when they step out on their own to feel like they look like they're on the right track, like they've got things under control, like they're doing the right thing. The truth is they are like scared little bunny rabbits in the woods filled with foxes. They don't know what the hell they're doing; they don't know what the hell they're going to do; they don't know what the hell comes next. They're scared for themselves most of the time. Um, yeah, there's no external validation in fear; there's no validation in fear. All you're going to get is more and more the same; you're just going to get more fear, more despair, more upset—it's all coming your way.

So the next one is women believe that if they've caught you doing something wrong, like cheating, and it's going to give them some kind of an advantage in divorce court or in divorce settlement. And the truth is, with no-fault divorce, none of that crap matters. It's not going to make—make a difference to the judge; it's not going to make a difference to anyone else; it's just making a difference to you. So there is no advantage in, um, having the moral high ground in divorce court. And I think women believe that, you know, because you're such a piece of—as a man—that they can make the case that you're a piece of, and then that's going to make a difference to a judge. And the truth of the matter is, it really doesn't. You know, that at the end of the day, um, it's a no-fault war; you just don't like each other anymore. And unless you committed some kind of a crime or you endangered your children in some way, yeah, it's not going to make a difference. So that's their—that's another one of those big myths that they sit around and talk to each other about, like, "Oh, I caught him; I think he's cheating on me; I saw some phone numbers," you know. They'll yap, yap, yap, yap about all that crap—it means nothing; it doesn't matter.

This next myth is one that I think that they believe it so much that even a lot of guys believe it, and that is that they are predestined to get custody of children in a divorce. And that is not necessarily true anymore. Um, courts are much more likely to want to give shared custody—in other words, splitting custody between the parents. And guys, if you really want to maximize time with your kids and to maximize your, um, potential for having physical custody of the children, you can do it, but you've got to go in and you've got to fight hard; you've got to fight super hard. You've got to bring out every single flaw—every—I mean, it's—it's a bloodbath. You've got to go for the jugular here; you've got to bring out everything that she's ever done wrong and put it right out there and bring witnesses and evidence and everything you can get to undermine her credibility in the eyes of the court. And you might get the whole—you know, shooting match; you might just get the whole thing. So, but then if you get custody of your kids, there's a lot—a lot to that; there's a lot of energy that goes into that; you need to be aware of it. But, um, just because a woman's filing for custody doesn't mean she's going to get it. I guarantee it—if you put up a little bit of a fight, you'll get at least halfway; you'll get half the custody. And, um, uh, it's definitely worth the fight, so I would strongly recommend it.

Another one of those little wine-drinking roundtable myths that comes from women chatting among themselves is they believe that if they file first, that there's some advantage in that, and there's not. Who files first is irrelevant; it doesn't matter to the judge or the court; it just makes no difference at all. Um, again, they wanted no-fault divorce; they got no-fault divorce. That means there's no fault; doesn't matter who files first—just a matter of somebody filed—that's that. Um, there's no special advantage that they get for being the one who's most angry or the most disappointed or the one who cried the most or the one, you know, whose promises weren't kept or whatever, you know. All that makes no difference in the—in the eyes of the court, um, so just another myth.

A lot of women believe that once they're divorced, all personal and financial ties are going to be cut, and nothing can be further from the truth. You're going to have to deal with each other for quite a while after your divorce—maybe for the rest of your lives, especially if you've got kids. So divorce doesn't end the relationship in most cases; it just changes the relationship, um, so just be aware of that. You're not getting this person out of your life completely unless—unless you have no kids and you haven't been married very long, then maybe you can do that, um, but yeah, the likelihood that you're going to, uh, end this relationship forever is pretty slim.

This is one of my favorites. So women believe that there's going to be a court trial in most divorce cases, and that is not anywhere near the truth. Most divorces are settled out of court, but I think women like to imagine themselves on the stand in front of a jury of their peers, years, telling everyone how much they've suffered because of you and all the promises that you didn't keep and what a bag of dicks you really are. That's what they want to do; they want to have this emotional cathartic moment in front of the judge and everyone, and they're all in tears—just so sad for her because she's so unhappy, and they're all going to just grill you; they're going to get you—you are the villain in this story, and they're going to come for you. And I think that's what they believe in their heads; they think they're going to have this—this moment. And yeah, there's no moment. 99—not 99, but probably 80 or 90% of these things never see the light of day in a courtroom; they're all going to be dealt with in lawyers' offices, between lawyers, and, um, at the end of the day, you sign some piece of paper in front of a notary, and that's the end of it. There's really no drama at all. The drama happens leading up to the divorce—that's when all the drama and the tears and all that crap happens. Once the papers are filed and you guys are working out the details, there is very little drama. It's like a—like a real estate settlement or buying a car or something; there's nothing to it.

All right, here's a couple more; I'm just going to get them knocked out really fast, 'cause it's super cold out here today. We're expecting snow, but it's like 20°, and my hands are frozen. Um, women think that they will get [Laughter] alimony, and many times they do—don't get me wrong—but I think they believe like that's one of their strong motivations for getting a divorce. And oh, my wife was so sad and disappointed when I didn't have anything to give her, you know. So for much of our marriage, I was making between $150,000 and $250,000 a year, which, in fact, then was pretty good money. When we got divorced—on the day we—we—she left—I think I was—my business was just getting going, and I was making about $52,000, $53,000. I swear to God, there was no money to take. And so I remember when we went and sat for the divorce mediator, and the mediator asked me to write down how much money I was making, she—there was like this knowing stare between me and her and her and my ex-wife—it's like, "Oh, I see"—like there's no—there's no alimony; there's no money for alimony. So, um, yeah, she was a little disappointed with that. And what was ironic is, since the girls decided to stay with me—only one of them was under age 18 at the time—she had to pay me child support for the next, uh, four years. So I don't think she was expecting that either. But, uh, yeah, things don't always go the way women think they're going to go in court, and, uh, it's not this huge emotional thing; it really does just boil down to what's in the best interest of the kids and basic finances. And, um, alimony could go the other way around, you know, if she's making more than the man. Women are frequently forced to pay alimony, so it's not a—it's not necessarily a gender thing; it just happens to be that most of the time the man is making more money than the woman. But these days, that's changing, you know; women are making more and more money. So guys, find yourself a good, hardworking girl; get married, divorce her, cash in.

Now this is kind of a pre-divorce myth, and I hear this a lot, um, from my friends and family over the years. They had this idea that if, um, children come into their lives—like if they have a child—that somehow that will help save the marriage, that that'll make things better. And it is absolutely not true. I swear to you, that is the exact opposite of what it will do. It, um, children make your life much, much more difficult. You've got to have a pretty strong relationship just to make it through that. So, um, yeah, children are not going to help you out with that. All right, I got two more; we'll knock them out real quick.

One—women like to think that they need to get your consent or that they need to give their consent in order for a divorce to occur. And in a no-fault, you know, country, consent is not an issue at all. Um, in fact, I don't think that, um, you even need to be present. I think that if one spouse decides that she's going to divorce you, you know, um, yeah, she can do it in absentia, you know. If there's a good enough reason for her to do it, she can do it without you altogether. So yeah, consent is not a big deal, um, and women tend to think that they're going to get the house. House—and that's not true either. Um, house is just another financial asset that needs to be split; it needs to be resolved; it's a math problem; it's not a like, "Oh, you're a woman; here's a house for you; you are a good woman; you get the house." Yeah. So they think that this is all some kind of a like a, uh, *Price is Right* giveaway, you know, like behind door number one and behind door number two, and you get this and you get that—like an Oprah—like if you're at the Oprah show, and you get a house and you get a car and you get all this money. No, that's not what happens. It's a, uh, it's not like that at all. It's a terrible experience; I wouldn't recommend it to anyone. You're not going to be happier; you're not going to meet anybody new; you're not going to get a ton of money. For the vast majority of people—the vast majority of people—it's a miserable experience that takes years to recover from, and that goes for men and women. So, um, the best solution to not getting a divorce is to not get married, um, but if you've already gone that far and you're miserable in your life—in your married life—you're just exchanging one level of misery for another level of misery. Now, obviously, the misery of being with someone that you really can't stand living with anymore is pretty tough, and probably the misery of divorce would be a relief from that misery. But, um, yeah, it's—it's just a little better—it's just a little better. And then having the chance to make your life over again certainly makes it a lot better in the long run. But, um, yeah, for you women, the cards are stacked against you, girls, you know, they really are. Um, for men, being alone and being independent is something that we are more genetically preprogrammed for; we are more in alignment with that, and women just aren't. And being self-reliant is something that men do very, very easily, and it comes naturally to us. We are natural leaders in many ways, and, um, problem solvers, and—and those are things that a lot of women struggle with. So, uh, if you ladies are thinking about leaving your husband because you sat around with your girlfriends drinking wine and—and some girl was telling you guys how much money she was going to make from alimony and how she's going to get the house and the children, yeah, that's not necessarily true for everybody. So, uh, yeah. GSL. All right, you guys, that's all I got for you today. Like I said, it's freezing; my hands are numb; I got to go inside. I hope you've enjoyed the video, by the way. I did just, uh, launch a store on the, uh, on the site. I think I've got like maybe 10 products there, um, talking all about, uh, you know, life 2.0 and, uh, stay healthy, stay single. So please check it out. But in the meantime, remember to like and subscribe. I'll see you next time. Stay healthy, and if you can, stay single.