Transcription
What's good, y'all? Welcome back to the Onyx Report, uh, with yours truly, Dr. Tiaan Johnson. Hope everybody is well. Like, share, subscribe, join, donate, hit the hype, support the show so we can continue to bring you these independent blackmail thoughts. Anyway, hope everybody's doing good. As I said, always like to start off by wishing folks well. And uh, also, even though it's completely random in terms of how it, how it hits, we also like to start off with the sacred black masculine. So let's check out, uh, an example. There you go.
>> Play of the day. We love this story how one young boy [music] is sharing his love of reading and Will is bringing that to her.
>> I, I love this so much. We got a big shout out here for 11-year-old Nehemiah Turner of Jacksonville, Florida. He loves to read, but it is who he reads to that has so many, including us here at GMA, cheering him on. So, Nehemiah is part of the positive reading program at the Jacksonville Humane Society. He recently became the first volunteer to spend 100 hours reading to dogs [music] and to pets. Nehemiah started 2 years ago. He says he hopes that his reading soothes them. And the Florida shelter agrees. They stated that reading aloud has [music] proven to lower stress levels in animals. So, take a listen here to Nehemiah talking about the first dog he ever read to and what he hopes to achieve.
>> I went up there with my book and then I sat down with this dog named Auggie. I started to read to him and then after we, at the, she said we had to leave, I started to cry cuz I didn't want to leave the humane society. I hope that they get adopted and I hope I achieved my goal too. It makes me feel great.
>> Proud and great. Yeah.
>> Makes us feel proud and great too, Nehemiah. And the shelter presented Nehemiah with a certificate for his 100 hours of reading. And the shelter tells us over 2,000 children have enrolled in that positive reading program.
>> All right. Shout out to that young man. Always like to highlight the positive. And in case it was ever a question, there's no doubt that reading is incredibly fundamental and important to children, especially as it relates to other subjects that they may need to or want to get into later in life. So, if you got a young one and this is something you haven't really paid much attention to, double down on it. Especially for boys, get them reading early. Make it a habit. Make it common. Make it something they, they are expected to do on a regular basis because it, uh, it has an, it plays an invaluable role in their intellectual development. But shout out again to this young man.
Now, today we're talking a little bit about black men as America's most hated. And those aren't actually my words. You'll see where they come from in a minute. Before we get there, I kind of want to put a few things into some degree of context. Right? So, today's show is not just about black men being hated. It's that they've also developed particular survival mechanisms. We'll only be dealing with one as it's a, you know, short show, but I still wanted to just kind of highlight that and put that into context. Now again, as far as context is concerned, and I pull the next couple of clips from TSG Uncut. Shout out to them. I want to show you a little bit about what was discussed in the 80s as it related to black relationships and black men and women so you can see what exactly we're looking at. Here we go.
>> Uh, my opinion of women of the 80s is that they have lost something as far as their femininity. I'm proud of being black. Can't be no more than what I am. And I want my woman to be the same way. I feel more comfortable. You know, right now I'm not comfortable because I don't have a woman black enough for me.
>> I think the ladies of the 70s were more independent, but the ladies of the 80s will be more dependent on men. Mostly because, uh, they've been outside in the world and they've seen how hard it is out there.
>> You see a lot more women in graduate schools. You see a lot more women, uh, in executive positions. A lot more women owning their own offices and businesses.
Now you'll notice that this dynamic started really in the 70s, but it started to push in the 80s, right, where you started to see more and more black women going into higher education. This was the time period, uh, where this was transitioning. Really, in the 70s, it became kind of common knowledge that going to college was considered now an entrance into the middle class. Right? So the 80s, it was gaining momentum, especially in communities like the black community. So this is when you start to see this divide happening. But there are other couple things that are happening here at this time that, of course, it took some hindsight to really begin to understand. And unfortunately, we never seem to have that in the moment. But let's continue, uh, with what's brought here.
>> And I think men are becoming scared of that.
>> The opportunities for the black man, like I say, um, are not equal to the white man. They are more of on the level of being under the black woman.
>> They're only concerned with themselves. They have no religious or no convictions whatsoever and sex is usually their first priority.
>> How I feel about the women here in the '80s that they are beautiful, fantastic, and they most of them have the jobs. So stick with them.
>> The male mentality is a little shaky, like weak. But I don't blame the male men fully because there are a lot of dense women out here also.
>> Well, I think they're more independent now. They look more toward a single life, not really a husband and wife relationship as they used to in the past.
>> I think it's about...
All right. So you had this back and forth with black men and women giving their thoughts in the 80s about what, what they see at up to that moment and what they think was on the horizon. And of course, one of the things that wasn't known at that point was the degree to which the state would actually invest in black women. Now, this is happening to women across race, but it is having an indelible impact on a population that has very little inherited wealth. As I've said a million times before, you know, even if it seems like a nominal investment, when you're dealing with a relatively poor community, a nominal investment can have a great impact, right? So, here there's, there's an investment. And of course, just like this young lady said, her first interpretation of it was that men were intimidated by her, right? And this is something that I think many black women have been oblivious to for decades. One, that they were being invested in, that they had a subsidized relationship with the state that went beyond just welfare. Much of the time, what they would say to black men is that they would just achieve, and black men were intimidated or incapable or some other stereotype. But what they failed to recognize or failed to admit was that they were being invested in by the state, and their men were not. And this was causing a divide. But instead of looking at it in terms of how these outside resources, policies, and practices are causing a divide, they chose to look at black men as less than or incapable in, in relation to them because black men weren't as easily able to achieve what they were handed, basically. So this is part of the, the beginning of it. This, this, what you're looking at now was when this was a seed just starting to break out of the ground. And so the first interpretive angle that black women tended to go to was that their men were less, and that they were becoming something. Now, at least at the end, with this woman you see here, she called for a, you know, a union between black men and women for the benefit of the children, right? She at least called for it. But the kind of entitlement and the arrogance that we see in black women was just now starting to kick off here because they were just being introduced to these kind of materialistic advantages that they were being given. Access to higher education, access to white collar jobs, you know, access to higher pay, right? Access to resources, programs, and even nonprofit resources that went to them more so than anybody else. And of course, we haven't even talked about divorce, right? Alimony, child support, the extent to which those things were being extended. I mean, you got to remember, right, the whole shift in the family court dynamic was really fairly new. I mean, it was still only 10 to 15 years old by the time this video was likely recorded. So, the whole practice of marriage being something that women could push the button, get a divorce, and walk away with cash and prizes, as Richard Cooper likes to call it. I think that's his name. Um, this was still a relatively new dynamic. It was well known, particularly amongst women, but it was still new. It wasn't as, as common sense as it is now, right? And you also had a lot of men that was still, you know, still had not accepted that that was going to become more of a norm. The divorce rates, the alimony, child support judgments, the child custody rulings. This was the era where black men were being hit with this, especially at the same time we were dealing with the war on drugs. So, we had, we had it coming from different angles at the same time. Now, black men, in many respects, kind of took the criticism that we were whatever black women said we were. You didn't see any mass collective action on black men's part pushing back against these narratives. This is what we were told. This is what we saw in movies and TV shows. And even though you had pockets of black men who had discussions amongst themselves about what was going on, for the most part, black men didn't organize and and oppose black women's perceptions of them. Many of us kind of took it on the chin. So, I find it real interesting these days when I hear women say, "Black men refused to be accountable." And I'm like, I don't know, an era where we weren't held accountable whether we liked it or not. Including this era, right? The men are talking about the independence of the women, women, but, but they didn't have the information at the time to realize how much of that quote unquote independence was a product of policy. They were facing it, but didn't have the luxury of distance and and time to look back on it and really see what was going on. At the same time, the women are talking about these men, but they're talking about them either as a problem, something to be tolerated, or something to be supported, almost like an errant pet. But that kind of superiority is a product of having one-way policy advantages. Now, they were oblivious to this at the time, and this was the beginning point. This, I mean, I would say I don't know the exact year this was recorded, but based on what they were saying, this is very early 80s. So I would probably say I was about six or seven. I probably be about seven when this came out. I was born in '74. So I wouldn't be surprised if this was like '81, '82, something like that. I might have been seven, eight years old, but this was the kind of perception at the time. It has only metastasized since then. But as much as these women are talking about women going to graduate school and making more money, even the men talking about it like this gentleman here, it's only in 2025, 2024, well, really with the presidency of, of Trump, that we're starting to see the resources that they had grown quite used to being withdrawn, the safety nets that they had grown quite used to being withdrawn. It's only at this time period that it's happening. So, you got to think, you know, from probably a decade before this video all the way up to the recent election of Trump, you had a series of practices that really, you know, as far as black women were [clears throat] concerned, confirmed the superiority over their own men. And it's at this point that you see them starting to understand. And now you're seeing a number of videos coming out where black women are talking about, uh, maybe we need to, maybe we need to reconnect with black men. Maybe we need to start forming families again. You've heard it sporadically over the last few years, but it's only been increasing in terms of the numbers of, uh, black women who are willing to start considering that. And it's not a surprise that it comes along with a questionable economy, uh, mutual lost jobs, but they're not contacting black men or talking about black men because black men have been losing jobs. That's been a constant for decades. They're reconsidering the family structure because they are losing jobs and they are realizing that a two, uh, income household has become more of a necessity as jobs have become more scarce. Now, many men are recognizing that this shift in black women's behavior, still in its early stages, it's nonetheless, you know, spurred on by the environment and is not necessarily a product of just love for black men. And each man has to decide how he's going to deal with that. As, uh, AC would say, when the reachback comes your way, are you prepared to accept it? Are you going to deny it? What are you going to do? And the real test, I think, for most men is when it's that one. You know, we all have that one. That one that got away, that one you always wanted, never got with. Whatever it is for you. Whatever it is for you, cuz she's the embodiment of your exact type. Nobody in the world could know who this woman is but you. But it don't matter. The test is when that woman calls you, what are you going to say? And is it going to be honest or is it going to be, are you going to fall back into the programming that you started with? That's going to be the real test. It's not what some woman asks you to do. It's when that woman, the one you know about, the one whose name I don't know, but you know, what are you going to say when she calls you? Now, obviously, not everybody's going to deal with that situation, but there are going to be a number of you that will. And unfortunately, one of the things you're not going to be easily, easily going to be able to forget is that it's mainly when things changed and she needs security that she calls. Will you accept it? Will you question it? Will you move on? I'm interested to see what, uh, what you're going to do.
Now, to kind of talk about the hatred of black men, there's almost no one better to do it but Shah Razad Ali. And, uh, let's check out what she has to say about it.
>> We have a man who everybody hates. We hate him. His mama hating. His family hate him. The white police hate him. The regular white men and white women hate him. This is a man who is hated by everyone. The only solace that God made for him was us. And when he comes to us and can't get any sanctuary at all, then he don't have no life. And that then they win because what they want to do is to destroy him and make us think that we are better than him so that we will help the enemy destroy our own man that God gave to us. We have the best man on earth. Everybody want him. He look better than everybody. He's stronger than everybody. He is the best, the wisest, and the most beautiful.
Now, of course, many of our men have been tricked by the enemy, too. But sis, we are the mothers. [music] We are the first face they see. We are the first person they talk to. We the first person to feed them. We do all of that and raise them up.
>> And so if there's a silly man out here, he didn't grow up and be silly. He was silly as a little boy cuz his mother mismanaged him and didn't reparent him using the truth.
>> All right. Shout out to Shah Razad Ali, always dropping it. Um, and I think she dropped some very interesting and necessary information. And this is where the crux of, you know, today's show comes about in terms of this question of black men being hated. Now, I've been saying it for years, but of course, to some people, it's not real unless somebody white says it or maybe a woman. So, Shah Razad Ali confirms what a lot of us have experienced and that is that there's no sanctuary coming from anywhere. And this is why I think when some people ask, why are men always talking about relationships and women? Well, first of all, we spent decades not talking about it in terms of our critiques. We knew that it wasn't you, you know, you weren't to question black women. So many of us didn't, not in any large numbers. But I think once black men started talking about it, we realized how important it is to deal with. It's one of the most critical decisions you ever make in your life, what woman to be with, if you choose to be in a relationship or have kids, right? Because this is the woman. This, this may be who you reproduce with, and the impact she can have on your life can be devastating if you choose the wrong one. So, it is important that black men actually have these conversations, even though we didn't for such a long time. But what we found was that there was often no sanctuary, as she pointed out. We didn't expect sanctuary from society. We didn't expect it in the workplace. We didn't expect it in school. We didn't expect it in too many places. But there was one place, especially in the 1980s, that was promised to be a sanctuary. And again, I've said this before, if you listen to all the R&B and the music videos at the time, not necessarily hip-hop, but R&B most particularly, what you heard was a promise. A promise that black men could find sanctuary in one place, if nowhere else, and that was in relationships. Right? We were sold the idea that love and marriage was the balm, the healing balm that black men needed. And yet, what we ended up finding out was that she was need, she was in need of being watched as much as any other institution I just pointed out that was hostile to us. And I think that's when the straw broke the camel's back, as it were, because, you know, for black men to come to full realization that the one sanctuary they were promised did not invest love or, you know, support them and really just sought to use them for their own advancement. I think this is what broke the contract. This is what for many men ended the, uh, dynamic we had all always been taught to invest in as it relates to women and the black community and so on and so forth. The moment we learned that we had no sanctuary, and she says it here so casually, but do you know how many decades it took black men to fully accept what she's talking about here? We were taught mostly by our mothers and by a lot of, you know, pop culture that women were our sanctuary, while at the same time, women saw us as an opportunity or something to be used. And it took a long time for many a man to come to grips with the reality versus what he was told. And it's a hard, it's a hard thing to get rid of because it's a, it really is a drug in some respects. The, the idea of finding love as sanctuary and happiness, it, it was a drug. And it's an understandable drug for men that don't have sanctuary anywhere else. Why else would this dream become so difficult? And why else do you think men have been talking about this online for the last decade or more with such intensity? It's because of how much we needed it, how much we thought that that salvation would make everything worth it. We thought it would make all the sacrifice worth it, but no.
Now, some people came to this understanding from their own experiences. And I'm going to show you a young man, um, who actually came to it in a very interesting way. Can't say I've run across a lot of men like him willing to talk about it, but check out his experience.
When I was a prostitute, one of the first things I ever learned on the job was that a lot of women are pedophiles. It's not something that you think about or a conclusion that you naturally come to, but by the natural experiences of that job, you start to get a real crazy perspective on the reality of so many people's relationships and the fact that I took for granted how great my parents' relationship is and their marriages. I took that for granted. Where I watch a movie when I was a kid and I just thought, "Oh, well, everyone's got a good marriage. Everyone's got a good relationship." Like, "Oh, yeah, that's just normal." Like, "Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah." That job made me confront the hate that I developed for women. And it really put steroids on it because it really had me thinking like relationships, marriage, only suckers do that. What type of fool do you have to be to trust a woman to be in a relationship with her? To marry her? Are you crazy? You're probably thinking, Matt, this is half, bro. Like, what do you, what do you mean? Listen, I never had a client that was not married. I never had a client that was not married, that did not have a child that was my age or near my age or older. So, I'm younger than these women's children and all they ever talk about is how bad the husband is or like how bad...
>> Yeah, I apologize for the sound issues, but I will say this. I just wanted to quickly say this gentleman is black pill, right? He didn't have any illusions about the nature of women and men, but most particularly the nature of women in relationships. He didn't have any illusions about that because by the time, at the age he was supposed to be absorbing those ideas, he was actually experiencing the raw nature of women and the exploitive nature of it, the backbiting nature of it. Now, I'm not saying that that's all womanhood is or femininity is, but I am saying that is the, that is the, the other side of the coin, as it were. You have a positive, you have a negative side of either, especially as it relates to, you know, the social roles we play in relationships and family formation. But for men and women, there is a, there are two sides to each coin as far as the, the, the good, the bad, whatever. We're only allowed to talk about the good in women's nature or female nature. And we're only allowed to hyperfixate on the negative, the bad, or the male of male nature. We could talk about the occasional good thing here or there, but for the most part, we have to fixate on men's negative nature while at the same time pedestalizing women's. But for a gentleman like this, who was a prostitute at a young age and was having sex with women who had children older than he and listening to them tell their stories. I mean, you know, at the end of the day, prostitutes tend to be very black pill because they see the most, you know, the, they, they see beyond what's hidden when it comes to human nature. But you rarely hear from male prostitutes, especially ones who were likely such while they were still underage. Let them continue.
How much they hate their marriage. And at the time, I'm getting paid. I don't care. Like, hey, complain all you want. I don't care. Just keep, keep paying and I'll just keep, I'll keep listening to your crap. I had no clue. I had no clue the type of damage that would do to me. In hindsight, looking back now, praise God because I'm actually able to to talk about it and I can reconcile things that I've learned from that. The reality is that stuff changed completely the way I viewed relationships and women where I could say for a long time, I, I hated women. And the biggest part about healing has been reorientating my understanding of relationships and how the ultimate goal of a relationship is marriage and that the standard of marriage is that Christ loves the church. And without that understanding, relationships are always going to be a perversion of what we should be striving for. It's tragic, but I'm glad to be here on the other side.
>> All right. Well, shout out that he made it to the other side. I don't know too many people who start out in prostitution and, uh, come through it with some kind of positive view of life, uh, or their own humanity. Sometimes it tends to break people. So, I'm glad that didn't occur with him. But the thing that I think I found most interesting about this, uh, this clip, right, was the, the kind of reason he developed for his hatred of women. And it wasn't something that came from social media or the manosphere or any of that. It came from his direct interaction as a prostitute with women and the extent to which he saw them talking about marriages and husbands in horrible ways while at the same time exploiting an underage boy. Right? The double, the double standard, the hypocrisy of it, he came to grips with and had to deal with from a very young age and what it did to him. So when I talk about the hatred of men, one thing he's experiencing was the hatred as it related to his treatment from women, right? And dealing with that head on and having to survive it. Now, he survived it through the church. I'm glad that worked for him. I'm glad he found that. But there are other methods for survival as well. We're going to look at one other. It's not going to start in a way that you think, but give it a second because there's another way that some men have found to survive. Now, again, I'm not saying these are the only ways. I'm just kind of laying out this as, uh, something to consider in terms of what black men have been finding to be their own solutions. But at the end of the day, though, the kind of experience we've had in society, in community, the extent to which we've navigated hatred, or what we might also refer to as anti-black misandry, and navigated and created solutions that others don't have to see as solutions. It comes down to what we choose to do. But let's check out this gentleman's response to, uh, what I would consider a survival, um, strategy. Here we go.
>> Know this is going to be controversial. Why are all black men so charming? Just any any small polite interaction in public smile at you and they look directly in your eye like they know your soul and you're like, "Wow."
>> All right, Emily, I got you. As a black man, we learned pretty early on that in order to survive in society, we got to say the right thing at the right time in precisely the right way in order to have a chance at surviving in society. Our own mama will pop us if our tone is just a little bit off. And then many times in neighborhoods we living in, you can't seem soft, can't seem cocky, cuz then that brings you problems too. So there's this fine line in between that usually requires charisma. Then the stakes are heightened. Impressing black people is extremely difficult, especially when it comes to girls and women being attracted to you. The stakes is almost like an Olympic level sport. By the time you're 13, you're competing with drug dealers and scammers and old ass dudes with Hellcats and box Chevys and you only in middle school. You just want a little bit of attention. Only thing you have is your energy, your mouthpiece, your charisma. And it's attached to your survival. And it's attached to your possibility of being able to reproduce and have a legacy in the future. And your uncle keep asking you ever since you was three years old how many girlfriends you got. And you're tired of not having an answer to that question. Long story short, you learn pretty early on that as a black man, charisma is going to be necessary for your journey here to survive, to reproduce, to get a job, to walk down a certain street, to keep your lights on. That's why it's a requirement.
All right. So what he's basically talking about here is how we had to develop mechanisms for navigating other people's perceptions of us and how even something as small as charisma, how to talk to people, how to anticipate their emotions, how to provide emotional labor, these are not just skills that are developed on a lark. These are actually skills that become survival strategies. Because a few decades ago, it might have been the difference between getting lynched or not. It might have been the difference between being arbitrarily locked, arbitrarily locked up or not. These are survival strategies both within the community and within the society as a whole. Now, I only offer that because this is just a short show. We're going to cut it, you know, we're going to cut it in a second or two. But black men developed all kinds of strategies to deal with these kind of things. And at the end of the day, once we figured out that relationships were not going to mean what we were promised they would mean to us, we had to negotiate how to move out of that framework as well. And this is one of the things that you see black men doing in all kinds of ways. Coming to hard decisions about what they're choosing to do. Are they going to have relationships? Are they going to have kids? Are they going to do any of this? These are all questions that we are grappling with, and I think black men are coming to some some pretty, uh, pretty, uh, conclusive approaches to these questions. And I think a lot of people misunderstand the intensity behind the discussions black men are having. And it has to do with finding out, as I said with the, the, um, Shah Razad piece, there is no sanctuary. That is a realization that is devastating to many a man who took the promise seriously, cuz we were told whether it was money and success, or whether it was, you know, women and love and relationships, that there would be some type of resolution. There would be some type of means by which you can enjoy life.
Now [cough], I talk about contentment and what I learned from it, especially through the study of detachment, was that it really didn't have anything to do with anything you achieved. Didn't have anything to do with any woman you got with. Didn't have anything to do with money. It's a point where you can make a decision, right, to actually experience the very, the contentment you need. It doesn't have to come after you've achieved all your goals. Something I wanted to clarify about the last show when I talked about achieving goals and reaching a point of contention. What I really found when I reached that point of contention is that I could have always chosen it. I was just distracted. I was distracted by the, the mission to achieve those goals and all the things I was promised. I was promised, uh, that if I worked hard, I'd make a lot of money, and if I made a lot of money, you know, a woman would love me. I, I followed all of those promises. And for me, the road I took, I found out what was a lie and what was true by achieving all the things that I was told to. And none of the things that were supposed to come with it came with it. But when I found that contentment, what I realized was I didn't need to do all of those things to find it. It was just a matter of it being a choice. Contentment is a choice. That doesn't mean you stop moving towards your goals, but it does mean that you don't carry around an expectation that things outside of you are going to make you happy. That's a choice to be in the moment, to appreciate life for what it is, and don't have any expectations of anything or anyone, to choose to be content. But I think black men are finding all kinds of ways to reach this because we got a taste of it during COVID. And we found that even though many of us weren't wealthy, we didn't, we didn't have a list of, of runway models that could come by 24 hours a day during COVID. Many of us found out, we were forced to find out that we could be content in all kinds of ways we never knew about. And that's really what I want to get across here. This whole issue about black men finding their peace, finding their contentment. We are finding that we had to let go of all the things we were promised to really enjoy it because we were lied to. And these are lies that every civilization pretty much tells its citizenry because in order to get people to participate, they have to believe that something comes with following the rules. Something comes, something valuable, something useful, something that will make you happy will come if you participate in the national script. Well, black men were never really welcome in that dynamic anyway. And this is one of the things that we've had to come to grips with. So, we held on by looking to very particular things to validate our sacrifices. And there's nothing like finding out that nothing really validates those sacrifices. There's no group of people, there's no amount of money, there's no amount of, of, of any of the things we were promised that were actually going to make that happen. One, because nothing can truly make you happy that comes from outside of yourself. You can, you can be titillated for a moment, but nothing of depth and structure in terms of happiness or contentment comes from outside of you. That's the first thing. But the second thing is nobody was invested in doing it anyway. So even if you don't take my word about contentment coming from within and all of that, you don't have to listen to none of that. The truth of the matter is nobody was invested in our contentment. Nobody was invested in our happiness, our peace. Nobody was invested in making sure we had a sanctuary. And so we have to take on the task of creating our own sanctuary. And my, my first suggestion is you choose to be content in your own life, making decisions that operate on your best behalf and not waiting for anyone or anything to do it for you. That's the first step to me for finding that contentment, detachment. You choose to do what you do, but you don't go into anything with an expectation that it's going to make you happy, cuz that's not where that comes from. But my point in bringing all of that up is that as the most hated men, and really I would say the most hated demographic across race, we still find that there are those who are willing to engage us. We might have to go outside the boundaries of the country for that, but there are still those around the world who are willing to engage black men. Now, I warn you not to make them your sanctuary. But if you can create your sanctuary and welcome people who are willing to step into it in good faith or in good faith, then by all means enjoy. But since we know that nobody is invested in our sanctuary, we got to do it ourselves. So find your contentment, brothers. Choose it, walk with it, and move from there. Whatever it is you choose to do beyond that, you know, because this is where we are and nobody else is coming. And I want to emphasize that we were promised that somebody would come and that's what makes this such a devastating shift. That's what makes that blue to red pill dynamic so empowering. Because at the end of the day, we were responding to a promise that many of our mothers told us about, pop culture told us about, the society promised us. And letting go of that promise, letting go of waiting for the result of that, that's a difficult turn. And that's one of the first things that men who come into this space have to let go of all the promises they were told that would be fulfilled if they just played out their script. Make money, look good, learn a little game, pedestalize women, pay all their bills, make sure you get over six feet tall, make sure you make at least six to eight, you know, um, um, figures as far as income. Own a lot of property, own nice cars, have nice clothes, have a little game, have confidence. You know, this long list of that you're supposed to do, you were promised you would be happy once you achieved all of that. This. Find your peace, gentlemen. And let's talk about in the comment section. Hope all of y'all are well. I'll at y'all soon. Peace.