Transcription
Check out this video I just discovered. I'm an anxious attachment. That I have a type. I've been chasing my mother, trying to show my mom I'm that good son, right? For all her pain and all that stuff.
Once I began to lay boundaries, I didn't know how to keep them. And now, moving forward, I don't want to date my mom no more because I realized that I couldn't heal her either. I'm so happy you came today. Thank you.
When you have an anxious attachment, one of the first, first things that you have to master is your emotional regulation. The reason why you can't stand on boundaries is because the minute that anything, any breakdown happens in that relationship, my anxiety forces me into fixing it, even though I don't have the tools to fix it. I don't know how to fix it, and I'm willing to compromise myself to fix it. So you keep changing yourself to be who she needs in order to accommodate the relationship, but that's being driven by your anxiety.
You attach quickly, which means give yourself time. Anxious attachments will be, they will go on a first date, and by the end of that date, you're already matching last names and seeing what y'all baby would look like. So that means you have to ground yourself in reality. I really like this person, but I don't know them, right? So all of those hormones shooting off in my body, that's natural. I like it, but it's a biological function of being attracted to someone. It does not mean that this is my person.
One common feature that people with an anxious attachment style struggle with in the dating scene is that they tend to move towards the problem instead of away from the problem. On the surface, that sounds like that would be a good trait when we're talking about dating and relationships. But what actually happens is that when someone is indifferent, dismissive, or is outright rejecting them, they end up moving towards those problems instead of walking away, which ends up only causing more pain, hurt, and rejection for themselves.
The other issue is that sometimes when people struggle with setting boundaries, they also struggle with respecting other people's boundaries. So again, when someone might be trying to end the relationship in the dating situation, an anxious person might find themselves walking towards this over and over again, even if the person is very clear that they are no longer interested. And if a potentially anxious partner finds themselves with someone who might be manipulative, they might use this as a tactic to string this person along.
If this video resonates with you and you want to learn more about life and relationships, comment the word growth down below, and I'll send some resources over to your DM.