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Being married for over 20 years gives you a lot of insight into women's behaviors and tendencies. And I sometimes wonder if I had known some of these things beforehand, if it would have made a difference.
And the truth is, I'm not sure it would have, because I don't know that I would have believed it, because it just seems too absurd and too unbelievable to consider as possible. I would have thought, if someone was telling me what I'm about to tell you now, that that guy had some kind of an axe to grind. He was a misogynist. He has a problem. Obviously, his experience is different. That cannot be true. Well, I'm here to tell you it's true. And I've seen the comments from all you happily married guys, most of you newlyweds, who just don't buy it. You just don't believe it. Well, this one I implore you, you must believe, cuz this is the source of more arguments, more problems in relationships than just about anything else. And that is: women are completely incapable—this is general—most women are completely incapable of accepting responsibility for their actions. They have no accountability.
Now, I know what you're thinking. That can't possibly be true. They grew up on the same planet we did. We all value accountability. Well, men value accountability. Women do not. Women value something different. We'll talk about that. So, let's get into it. Women and accountability.
So, I don't think this lack of accountability is some kind of conspiracy, and I don't think it's necessarily innate in women necessarily. I believe that there's been a convergence of events and social norms that have allowed this characteristic, this very unfavorable characteristic, to evolve. First of all, you have to realize that we live in a capitalist economy, and capitalism is into selling stuff. And wouldn't you know it, women are into buying stuff. In fact, women buy about 85%, or are involved, I should say, in 85% of all the buying decisions. So, for the media to be critical of women, it's counterproductive, because they're trying to sell women stuff. So, even the local news is hesitant about holding a woman accountable, because they've got to sell ad space to advertisers, and advertisers don't want to be associated with stories that are going to put women in a bad light or might be considered controversial. That's what we call it now when we hold women accountable. It's controversial. And if it's a man holding a woman accountable, well, it's misogynistic. It's the patriarchy, you know. Yeah.
So, that's where we are. And that's one of those things that, as a man, if you had told me that before I got married, I would have said, "You're crazy. That's impossible. We grew up on the same planet." Why are men held to be accountable all the time? In fact, we take pride in our ability to be accountable. It's what makes a man a man. When you stand up and say, "Yeah, I did that. That was my fault. I own it," other men have respect for you. But when you're a woman and you do that, well, I don't know why, but they don't accept that. Um, women have a different way of enforcing their behaviors. You know, they do have a social structure just like men do, but their way of enforcing them is not what we would consider to be honorable. So, let's talk about that next.
In the world of men, we value characteristics and behaviors like honor, resilience, accountability. Women value agreeableness. And you can see the oil and water nature of these characteristics that men value and that women value. For a man to be agreeable, he is sleazy. He is like a salesman. He is trying to convince you of something. If a man is really agreeable with you, you got to be really cautious about that guy. He's got an ulterior motive. Um, so women prioritize social acceptance over all those things I just listed that men value. So when a woman or a group of women want to punish another woman for her behavior, for example, they will talk behind her back. They will gossip. They will undermine her. They will call her names without her knowing it. They'll destroy her socially. This is the way women behave. The irony here is that women will do this to women who are either, you know, acting out in a bad way or just women who are their competitors. So, it's not even that the woman was necessarily wrong or did something bad or, you know, inappropriate for the uh situation. It's just that that group of girls, women, um didn't like her for some reason. Maybe she was too pretty. Maybe she was, I don't know, too smart. Whatever it is, women will use social pressure to enforce behavior. Whether that's consistently applied or not is arguable, but that's the way they do it.
Because of the societal leniency in the marketplace, it carries over to our legal system as well, where judges will give women much lighter sentences than they will men for doing exactly the same thing. This has been shown through research and it's empirically just true. Part of this is because we live in a binary system. We just have males and females—minus whatever other genders people want to claim. But generally speaking, you're either born with one set of equipment or the other set of equipment. And so we're just going to go with that. But in a binary system where clearly one gender is virtuous, well then the other one absolutely can't be. And that one that can't be just so happens to be the one that will take accountability for just about everything. That there is honor in accepting responsibility, even sometimes for things that you didn't even do. So when the police are called, for example, and she says to the cop, "He's threatening me. He almost hit me or he did hit me," well, somebody's going to jail, and it's not her for lying. It's him because she accused him. Now, in a he said, she said situation, you would think that there would be equal weight given to these two arguments. But just the mere fact that she said that he's threatening me will be enough to have a guy removed from the premises. Think about that for a minute.
So, in this world where it's very clear that there are benefits as a woman to not accept responsibility for their actions, why would they? So in a world where women are not punished for not accepting responsibility or not being accountable, and in fact, in many ways they're rewarded for their lack of accountability, what incentive is there for them to be accountable? I mean, they're just playing the game the way the rules are written. And you know, I have to give them credit. You know, it's working for them. You know, no one holds them responsible for anything.
So, keep that in mind as you're in a relationship with a woman. Because if you guys have a difference of opinion about something, it's very likely—she, even in a case where she is in some way responsible for a set of circumstances that wasn't beneficial to you or someone else—it's very unlikely she's going to accept responsibility for it. She's going to try, rather than accepting responsibility for it, to do something that is socially agreeable to you. You might, you might get, you know, your your knob polished or something like that, but you're definitely not going to get an apology out of her.
I did a video like 6 months ago or so on the similarities between women's behavior and narcissism. And I think I might have been mistaken there just a little bit, because um I think the outcome is right. I mean that they, they do often times seem very much like they have narcissism, but when you take it in light of their um lack of accountability, the gaslighting part isn't necessarily so. Like, you, we as men misinterpret, I think, their behaviors as gaslighting when it's clear that they did something stupid. It's clear they did something wrong, but they're not willing to accept responsibility for it. And so we're thinking, you're lying to me. You're, you're gaslighting me. You're obviously, you know, not accepting responsibility for this because you are a narcissist or you have narcissistic tendencies. But that may not be the case at all. That's just how they're hardwired. Like that's just the way they've been raised. They are that because that's the way society, their parents, their school, the, you know, um media have all taught them that that's the way women behave. That women do not accept responsibility for their behaviors generally speaking. Now I know there are going to be some women out there who say, "yes I accept responsibility." And I have a really good example of a woman who's accepted responsibility, but it only occurred under the most dire of circumstances. Let's talk about that next.
Many of you guys think that talking to your ex is like a cardinal sin, like and you just can't do it. Break, break, breaking the the man code, and I'm sorry, but I make videos, and she's great for material, so I talk to her from time to time, and recently she accepted responsibility. Now the circumstances were extreme. So, this is not something that I think you can expect on a regular basis. You know, it's one of those like you see a shooting star kind of thing, or um, you know, a meteorite hits the ground near your house, that kind of a rare event. But here are the circumstances. So, her health has been really bad for a while. Psychologically, she's been messed up for a while. She's regretted our divorce. Recently we had a conversation, and I guess you had watched one of my videos about um simping. That's the one. It was just a few days ago that came out, and I think in that video I talk about how um men simp in relationships, and I was accepting responsibility for the way I behaved in that, that relationship as acting as a simp to her at different times. And she said, "Oh, I don't think you behaved like that." And I said, "Well, when you stopped talking to me and you stopped having sex with me, and I took you to Bermuda and I took you on cruises and we went to Scotland, what were you thinking all that was about? Really, what, what do you, what would you, what would you expect a man to do under those circumstances? I was not, you know, enjoying your company. I was trying to win back your favor, you know, and then it happened. It just happened." He said, "You're right. I never saw it from your perspective before. I was wrong. I'm sorry." It's like, oh my god, I wish I'd gotten that on video. I wish I had gotten a recording of it. I would have posted it on the internet. I would have been famous. It would have been like discovering the cure of cancer or something like that. A woman accepting responsibility out loud, in person, live. But I missed it. I missed the moment. You know, I don't know what to do now. But it does happen. Women do accept responsibility from time to time. Oftentimes it requires either a very strong male presence in their life where they can teach her—like I teach my daughters—or she's got to be faced with no other option. And I think that's what happened with my, my ex. She had to look at her life in reflection, and she could see how it didn't turn out the way that she wanted it to. And the contrast between where she is in her life and where I am in mine is stark. And I think as she sees that, it's very instructional in some ways, because the way I behaved, in the way I handled myself in my business after the divorce and even through the marriage, but definitely after the divorce versus the way she did, resulted in us being in two extremely different destinations, where I'm extremely happy and fulfilled in my life, and she just is not. And I have a lot of compassion for her, and I'm sorry that she's experiencing that. I am glad that she is able to see how her own behaviors affected her outcome. And it is really a rare thing, I think, in many cases, for women to not only see it, but then to admit it out loud.
All right, you guys. That's what I got for you today. I certainly hope you enjoyed this video. If you have, please like and subscribe. If you know a man who is uh in a relationship with a woman and he's struggling with conversations, arguments, gaslighting, that kind of thing, share this video with him. Perhaps it'll enlighten him to some of these behaviors, and maybe he can take a different approach and find a path forward for himself. All right, you guys, stay healthy. If you can stay single,