Transcription
We live in a country where we do a really great job of protecting the rights of the oppressed, the marginalized, those people who are underrepresented. Yet, for some reason, we have blind spots when it comes to certain groups. One of those groups is men, especially in relationships and, in particular, following divorce.
The problem that we have in our country between men and women right now, and our inability to mate properly or to create families or find people that we uh can settle down with, ironically starts at the end; it begins with divorce. Divorce is the ailment that is killing our social interactions; it's the key element that is causing the relationship breakdown that I think we are seeing in society now. There are plenty of other influences; I'm not suggesting that divorce is the only one, but it's a significant one, and it's growing; it's getting worse. So, despite the fact that men and women are becoming more and more more politically divided and financially and socially divided, divorce is that one huge dark monster hiding in the closet. And Men right now are rightly terrified of the implications of divorce and just what it can mean to their livelihood, to their their mental status, their their um emotional status; psychologically, it just is devastating.
So today I want to talk about how divorce impacts men uniquely from women and why it's so important for society to understand this and to take steps to mitigate it. Because if we keep going on the path that we're on, we're going to find that the single most important subset of our society, and that is um healthy Young single men or healthy young men, are going to become more and more alienated and less and less likely to um participate. And if men aren't participating in society, you don't have a society anymore. So let's talk about it.
The price men pay is unique because we have a unique combination of characteristics that makes divorce, in particular, extremely difficult on us. I don't know if this is all genetic or if it's socialized or how it comes about, but men have certain values that are extremely different from women, and these values we hold in much higher regard than women do. And I'm talking specifically about respect and loyalty. And in addition to that, men have a unique requirement to be useful or have a purpose in life. And when you combine those three things, it's really quite easy to see how divorce attacks those core values at a more intense rate than just about any other event in a man's life typically.
So let's start with respect. Frequently, women start the process of divorce; in fact, I think it's like 75 to 80% of the time it's the woman who actually initiates divorce. Inevitably, this involves some kind of a an attack on the man's masculinity, whether it's intended or not; it's an attack that basically states that the man wasn't good enough; he didn't he didn't perform at a high enough level. And it is a it's sort of the ultimate disrespect, just the ultimate level of disrespect, because it goes right to who he is as a man; it rips out his identity more or less. And once that identity is gone, he's left with very little; there's very little left.
But let's move on to loyalty, because a high percentage of women after they've initiated divorce, well they've already got their next guy in mind; they already have someone in their orbit; they already have plan B on on the on the on the table. And so it's very common that Women Within even sometimes just a few months, but definitely within a year, they've moved on to someone else. Well, you don't need to be a rocket scientist to figure out that this was in the planning for quite some time; that she didn't just spontaneously discover some guy and have a serious relationship with him; she had that guy in mind all along. So immediately the Loyalty Factor has been attacked as well, and men are extremely loyal, and they value loyalty at a very high rate. And when a woman is disloyal to him, again it's another shot at that masculinity; it just tears them apart.
And then finally, the mission. When men don't have a mission, they don't have a purpose; they're not useful; that is probably the the straw that breaks the camel's back. More men end their lives prematurely by their own hand, and in the not that they write or they leave their loved ones; they tell people they felt useless to society. That's a very common sentiment that men have.
So how does this impact society as a whole? Well, it's far-reaching. Now, with social media, this experience that I just described to you is Common Place. I'm doing a I think a reasonably good job of articulating it, but I think that you could talk to most divorced men and hear that same story in their words, their particular you know conditions, but it's all the same; it really boils down to the same stuff. And this information now is being passed down from one generation to another and to another, and it's making more and more young men very unlikely to get involved with women because they don't want to go through that Gauntlet of emotional psychological pain.
But wait, there's more. Yes. So once we've got through the psychological part of it and the emotional part of it, um there's more; the financial part of it obviously is extremely taxing, and it drives a lot of men um into homelessness; it causes a lot of men again to prematurely end their own lives, um but it's devastating to their their finances. And in a world where we claim that women are equal to to men, it does not make any sense at all that a man would have to pay a salary to a an ex-wife for the rest of her life. That's a it's an an anachronism; it's something that was held over from the 1950s and 60s; it should not apply anymore. And that's a huge huge hurdle for most young guys to get past, thinking that they might have to pay their ex-wife for 20, 30, 40 years um because their marriage didn't work out.
And then the final straw, the final one that actually crushes men probably as much as anything else, is that they don't get custody or even sometimes shared custody of their children, despite the fact that they're having to pay child support. So they may get weekend visitation and that kind of thing, but then that those children are left with that ex-wife who obviously has a very negative view of her ex-husband, and it's very common for these Ex-Wives to poison the minds of those children against their fathers. And to me, that is child abuse, and it should be prosecuted as child abuse. When a woman, or any parent, poisons the mind of the child against the non-resident parent, that parent should be prosecuted for child abuse and should go to jail, just like if they had physically beaten that child. This should get the same kind of punishment; I don't know if that's jail or probation or whatever, but those children should definitely be removed from their custody because psychological torture of children by badmouthing their parent is just horrific; that's just a horrific thing to do. And as a result, more and more children are being raised without the um advantage of having a father and a father's influence on them.
For whatever reason, Society has been misinformed about the paternal in SS of fathers and just how valuable they are and how important they are. There is this misconception that women are better at parenting than men, and there are scientific studies that show that is not the case, and that a parent, a father's instincts are just as good as a mother's instincts when it comes to raising children. So the concept that a mother would be given any kind of advantage in court um when it comes to custody of children is again an anachronism; has been carried forward from the 1950s and 60s; it's just not true. People think it's true, but it's not true. There have been plenty of research done on this, and they have shown that fathers um raising children have just as good or better outcomes than with single mothers raising children. So there is no evidence whatsoever that um mothers are better off being the resident or the custodial parent under any circumstances.
Following divorce, men experience very high rates of anxiety and depression, and it's not the kind of depression that um is commonly diagnosed; this is much more pathological; this is the kind of depression that um that settles in and stays for a while. This isn't something passing like Seasonal effective def disorder or any of that stuff; this is the kind of stuff that changes people's lives in significant ways; that causes them to lose their job, lose their home, uh lose what little money they have left, um alienate themselves from their families. This is some serious mental health issues, and Society does not have uh good infrastructure for dealing with this. There are lots and lots of social programs available and even just social networks available for women who are struggling, going through uh life transition like divorce; there is really no such thing for men. Um a man, a single man who has just come out of a divorce, even when he was the abused victim, is rarely seen as a a sympathetic figure, rarely seen as someone who um who can use a hand, and very very infrequently is the recipient of any compassion in society whatsoever. This is a uh travesty because men pay the majority of taxes in this country, and men do more for this country and our society than any other group. Um so yeah, I just can't imagine why somehow men have been left out of this. The reason why, I know why, is because men just don't speak up; men stoically just go along, and they just take it, you know; it's um it's not masculine or manly to complain; it's not masculine to to um to whine when you're in pain, and men are in pain, and no one's no one's speaking up; no one's taking the initiative to to help them out.
The depression and anxiety is just the beginning of a domino effect, a um a series of Downstream impacts that just get progressively worse. The next thing comes is um substance abuse, drug addiction, alcoholism, as just a way to try to manage the um the emotions, the psychological pain, the financial pain, the loss of their home, the Lo loss of their family. And it's very common for men to turn to alcohol and drugs just to deal with the stress, the anxiety, the depression, and that inevitably leads to um you know more Suicidal Thoughts, you know, the the that's when that starts to get up on the on the table is when people start thinking that way; is when the depression leads to that drug addiction or that alcoholism. Loneliness and social isolation are just a part of that process as well, and the more lonely and socially isolated men get, um the more likely it is there to do something extreme, and that extreme Behavior could be taking their own life, but it could be any number of things, and I don't even want to speculate on on how bad things could get because it could get pretty bad.
Somewhere between 45 and 55% of men in the United States have been divorced at least once; that's saw a lot of that's saw a lot of men; that's a lot of pain that a lot of men have had to go through. About 3/4 of them were left by their wife, and the vast majority of them did very little to deserve being left. Um the relationship drifted apart; maybe she met somebody new; maybe she just wasn't happy, but in any event there's a lot of men there that have been alienated from their families, and that has caused an extraordinary amount of pain; has caused an extraordinary amount of money; has alienated children from their from their fathers; and um has torn apart at the fabric of our society as a whole.
And the next generation of men are not dummies; these kids are growing up, and they may not be going to college, but they're they're not idiots; they can see the writing on the wall. There is no reason in the world why they should be lining up to um to jump on that ship, you know, I mean that one is going down; that that's when you know the Titanic is going down in advance; why would you board this ship because this is going nowhere. And unfortunately for our culture, our society, our country, for the United States of America, if we don't fix this, well there is um no way we have a healthy wealthy future for our families, for our our our children, our grandchildren; this is all going to be coming to an end.
You know, someone did a study recently, and they asked um people what was the exact right number of children to have, and um the average answer was 2.7; that's how many children um most people think is the perfect number to have. So somewhere between two and three kids, which is pretty typical; that's what has been the case now for like the last two generations or so. However, we are um currently only giving birth to 1.7 children, and that number is dropping; for the last I think it's been like since 2007 or so, so like that's 20 years or so, almost 20 years. So this number is going down really really quickly, and in European countries that number is dropping even faster, and of course in Asia it's dropping faster yet. And a lot of this all comes down to some of the significant cultural differences we have seen in the last 20 years.
Now, feminism did not start 20 years ago; feminism started 50 years ago; actually, it probably started 120, 130 years ago, but the vast movement of feminism in our society in terms of equaling the playing field for women um started back in the 1960s and really came to its full fruition probably in the 1990s and early 2000s. And since then, we have had a much more toxic version of femininity, of feminism I should say; it's um one that demands equal outcomes, and it is more about women being the same as men rather than being equal to men. Um and equality is even a kind of a misnomer because having equal opportunity is not having is not the same as having equal outcomes, and women seem to struggle with the concept that they are different than men, and that gives men advantages at certain jobs and in certain roles and in performing certain tasks that women cannot, for the most part; I know there are some exceptions, but for the most part cannot fill those roles. And so that has manifested into this um man haate that we currently see in the most recent version of feminism. And you see these social media posts where um women are saying that all men should be killed, and you see um TV celebrities on women's talk shows um talking about how toxic ma men are and toxic masculinity. Well, what the hell is that? Please inform me; what is toxic masculinity? Because I will bet you that if you're being assaulted or harmed, you will want some toxic man to come along and save your ass. But I digress.
I guess my point with this video is that the destruction of men as a result of divorce is an issue that has gone widely underreported; in fact, I don't think I've seen any significant stories about the the mental U emotional Financial uh damage that is done to men um as a result of divorce anywhere. I don't think I've seen any media Outlet discuss this. Now I could be wrong; I don't watch a ton of TV; maybe something has come up, but I don't I haven't even heard anyone really talking about it except me. So we need to address this issue at a national level; this is something that has to has to change. I I don't know if it means changing the uh parameters around divorce and getting away from the complete no-fault divorce so that there is at least some level of accountability by each party in a marriage that they must uh at least Endeavor to make this relationship work. Because as it it is right now, um if a marriage fails, a woman gets a financial reward while a man gets a financial penalty; a woman can move on to another man very quickly because she doesn't have the same values that men have when it comes to loyalty and um uh having a mission and having um you know and the respect that's involved, and women are the ones who are making the choices to leave, so men don't want to get involved in this anymore, and rightly so.
So if Society wants to grow and prosper, and our country wants to continue to be a world leader, we need to be the leader when it comes to dealing with these marital issues, and divorce being the primary one. Now maybe that involves some classes before people get married; maybe it means having better mental health um solutions for people, um but something needs to be done because the path that we're on is not going to end well for any anybody, women or men.
Modern day divorce is a crime against men; it is a uh a social construct that encourages men to seek out women in marriage so they can create a family, which benefits society and women significantly, yet Society is very quick to toss men away like a used up shoe um when the marriage goes bad and support the woman and her Endeavor to be a single mom in every way shape and form, providing all kinds of social programs, um charitable programs, everything you can imagine, and judges and court systems back up this idea that women are the preferred parent, and there's just no evidence to suggest that that's true. We have created this illusion for society that women have some special place in it, and I just don't get that. Um let's keep in mind that women make up the majority of the population and the majority of the electorate, so to suggest that they're underpowered in any way shape or form is just lying to yourself. Women have all the power in a democracy that anyone could want. Now they may not be able to Rally their their forces together and to get them all to agree on something, which you know that's not surprising, but nevertheless if um if they feel their their cause is just, they certainly do have the numbers to to sway the electorate and to get their own way. But men, yeah, we are just the ones to do all the work, just get things done and keep this place running, and um we get very little support from in return for that. So I think it's time for this this Dynamic to change; I think this narrative has run its course, and we need to see women just like any other kind of person; they're just like like men; they're you know all the same faults; they they they wanted to be equal; well damn it, now they're equal; let's just start treating them that way. No more alimony, no more preferred child support, um no more get in the house, none of that crap; nope. Um contract should be signed ahead of time in just about every single marriage, or we should have a standard contract that says you you take out of it what you brought into it and half of whatever is there at the end, and that's it; that's it; you go your own way. And if you file for divorce, I think you should have a reason; I think there should be a really good reason for filing for divorce; I think that if you're entering into this relationship um as a commitment for for life, then and you intend to break that commitment, then you probably need to have some really good rationale for doing it, because um just because you're not happy anymore, that doesn't cut it, because you are 100% responsible for your own happiness, and uh yeah, if you can't make it work, then um yeah, you need to have some good reason as to why you want out. I I think that's I think we need to go back to that.
All right, you guys, that's all I got for you today. At the end of this video, I'm going to link some of the videos where I talk about how to recover from divorce so that guys can who have watched this for the very first time and are not familiar with my stuff, they'll have an a resource that they can use. Um in the meantime, please remember to like And subscribe, and please let me know what you think in the comments; I want to hear your your input, and um of course, as always, stay healthy and if you can and you can stay single.