Transcription
If you are worrying that you might be the narcissist, I'm going to give you three signs that guarantee, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you are not. And if you're new here, I'm a narcissistic abuse educator and a narcissistic relationship recovery coach. Make sure you hit follow, and you can book a session with me through the link in my bio.
Number one: You are experiencing cognitive dissonance. Cognitive dissonance, in relation to narcissistic abuse, is this phenomena whereby you are holding two completely opposing thoughts or ideas in mind at the same time, and you cannot bring those together. So, when we're talking about a narcissistic relationship, this is where you have the image of the amazing love-bombing version that you met in the beginning and the absolute monster that they turned into at the end, and you cannot bring those two images together into the same person. You can't decide whether they are good or bad. Narcissists do not experience this. Narcissists have extremely black and white thinking: all good, all bad, right, wrong, black, white. The Narcissist does not wonder whether or not you are good or bad; they believe wholeheartedly that you are one or the other. When they're idealizing you, you are all good; when they are devaluing you or discarding you, you are all bad, and they don't question that at all. They don't get torn between the two or confused about it.
Number two: When you look back over the relationship, you are not only taking responsibility and accountability for your own actions, but you're also trying to take responsibility and accountability for the narcissist's actions and for the abuse that they exacted on you. You are rationalizing the abuse, justifying the abuse, telling yourself that maybe you actually made them do it, maybe you actually deserved it, and blaming yourself for it. Narcissists do not do this. They sit there; they look back on any abuse that may have happened and say it's your fault—all your fault. They do not sit there and go, "Hmm, maybe I caused this; maybe it was actually my fault; maybe I made them do it." No, they just point that finger back and say it's all you.
Number three: The idea of potentially being a narcissist and this abuse that the narcissist is telling you that you exacted on them because you're the narcissist horrifies you. The idea of having hurt this person or narcissistic abused them keeps you up at night worrying, and you feel so bad about it. Narcissists don't have empathy; they don't take accountability or responsibility for their behavior, and they don't care about hurting or abusing others or causing pain in any way because they feel entirely justified and lack the empathy to simply give a.