Transcription
All right, guys. So, before this podcast starts, we're going to be talking about adult themes and adult discussions. So, just be cautious in case you are watching this as a family. Viewer discretion is advised. And also, I'll be, um, taking the role of a devil's advocate and presenting the other side of the argument, just so there's no confusion caused.
The Last Days Podcast. The Last Days, ladies and gentlemen. I'm sure you've seen your fair share of videos talking about the last days and that's it. Humanity and civilization is going to come to an end. Well, ladies and gentlemen, if I grant you that, and if we truly are in the last days, then inshallah, we will inshallah help you navigate the last days by covering the topics that need covering and taking you where other people aren't taking you. And today, inshallah, we're going to be talking about the rise of technology and how that puts a burden on relationships and marriages.
Ladies and gentlemen, today joining Abdul Majid and Khalid. How are you, brothers?
Alhamdulillah.
Alhamdulillah.
Alhamdulillah. Very excited about the topic. Khalid.
Yeah, it's a very meaty and rich subject. Um, looking forward to sinking my teeth into it. Yeah.
Sh, I've spoken to some other imams. Let me know your experience in the sense that what I've heard is that, and this is famous amongst the people of knowledge, that a lot of questions and issues that they get, is pertaining somehow, linked somewhere to marriage.
Yeah.
Is that true? In my own anecdote, or my own experience? Yeah. A lot of things are marriage-related. There are many things that keep on coming up, marriage-related. How to bring up children, how to navigate sort of challenges when you have a cultural push one side, but what is the dean saying? But yeah, marriage is an often-repeated topic. Yeah.
And in marriage, is the subtopic divorce, the thing that you guys get asked about the most?
It's, it's the kind of the things that lead up to divorce. So, it's generally people not being happy, communication, things along the lines of how to negotiate boundaries, even negotiating certain domestic things as well. So, it's the kind of stuff that leads up to the divorce.
Unfortunately, it's, it's more negative than positive.
Okay. And Khalid, the people that you see in your chair, a lot of trauma that they bring to you, typically give us a rough amount of the, the numbers here.
In terms of seeking marriage or problems in marriage?
In terms of the issues that they bring to you, would you say 50% are marriage-related, 50% suppressed childhood trauma?
Like, yeah. So, so most of my work, because I don't do family therapy, most of my work is shadow work, is dealing with deep-set trauma. Um, but I do get people whose trauma is triggered by the fact that they're now married. Uh, and the fact that the marriage is somewhat constricting them, and due to that constriction, things are starting to come up, and I then have to deal with that in the rooms.
Okay. So, we're going to jump straight into it, ladies and gentlemen, because we've got to be honest. Yeah. Gone are the days of 15 years ago, in which you, you, you know, I say you, but I'm not referring to you, but people would just get the magazine from the top shelf of the newsagent or use their dial-up internet and a picture would load, and it would take X amount of time to load. Nowadays, the access to that sort of stuff is, I'm talking about corn. Yeah.
Corn. So, corn as, uh, accessibility to corn from a small age, kids are exposed to it. That's how they're told about relationships. And then coupled with individualism, coupled with short attention span, social media and the likes, people can't keep relationships, people can't even keep conversations. So, that now has a knock-on effect on everything else. Yeah. So, today, what we're saying is that the exponential rise of technology. Yeah. And we're dealing with stuff like AI chatbots. Yeah. Chat GPT. Everybody knows it now. Yeah. Everyone's dealing with the knock-ons of Chat GPT. You've got Gemini, Deepseek, and all of these. However, now where you can have a conversation with a chatbot, written. Now you can put the audio function and have a conversation where they've inserted little nuances to make them sound more human. M.
Now, people are saying that, "I find it difficult to be in a relationship. Yeah. I find it very difficult. Here, it's actually easier and the pain is less. Yeah. Why on earth should I commit to a relationship? Yeah. Why should I go into a relationship?" Now, some of you guys might be thinking, "Now, you're just, just talking hypotheticals. Yeah. This is a niche. It's a very small amount." I'm going to talk a bit about the statistics before we jump into it. The UK is one of the countries that has its own UK Minister of Loneliness.
Oh, wow.
A Minister of Loneliness.
I heard about that. Yeah.
Loneliness itself is worse than smoking 15 cigarettes a day. The divorce rates are, of course, sky-high. And statistically speaking, 90.5% of men between the ages of 16 to 30 are single. Yeah. According to the Office of, uh, National Statistics. And I think women are around 88%. Combined, they still come up and hold those numbers as well at 90%. Um, so it's very problematic. A lot of people are lonely. Even if you look at the men that are actually in relationships, it's only about 30%. They, they get, you know, spread around. They, they go around, they do their thing. Women think it's all men. And we're going to be speaking, of course, from a male perspective. A lot of sisters get upset when we talk about their issues. So, we're going to be talking about male issues. Hopefully, we're allowed to do that. Um, so bearing all of this in mind, compounded with, like I mentioned, social media comparison, individualism, the standards are very high. You've probably seen little clips of these balloons and a guy walks in and there's like five women, and as soon as they see him, conversation hasn't even started yet, and they're popping the balloons. Yeah. So, in other words, we're judging a book by its cover. That's what we're doing. Yeah. That's the society that we're living in. A lot of the, I've seen people be being stopped on the streets, being shown famous actors, known, yeah, on the front page of, you know, GQ or whatever it is, women going, "Uh, nah, pass."
Yeah.
And if you look at the pass rates on these Tinder apps, majority of the men are getting the swipes. Yeah. So, it is a tough industry. On top of that, lack of social skills, lack of, you know, even knowing what a man is, knowing what a woman is, people are now finding more comfort in these AI chatbots. So, I'm just going to throw this out there. Just give me your general thoughts, and then we'll get a bit more specific, um, into this, inshallah.
You want to start, Sh?
Yeah. I mean, what do you want to know specifically? Why there, there's a rise of them? Or,
At the moment, what I've said?
Yeah.
Have you come across it? Yeah.
Have you heard of it? How serious do you think it is? Just give me your overview about what I've seen.
Yeah. So, in my, obviously, my work, obviously, I have a bit of a portfolio career. So, one of them is, is part of them is also ministering, being an imam as well, but also as a family therapist. Although I work with individuals, I have dealt with people who have certain addictions, maybe from pornography or and other things, but there is no doubt that it's definitely having an impact on the family relationships. Definitely. And we, I mean, we can go into talking about asbab reasons, uh, why I think particularly this is on the rise. Some of the things you've already alluded towards. Uh, one of the things is, right, is a lot of people, rightly so, not rightly so, but this is some of the things they're thinking is that, "Why do I need to hold down a woman when it's going to cost me X amount of money? I'm going to have to look, keep up her upkeep and so on and so forth. Why not then just go to something which is a bit more easier?" One thing. Secondly, because of the rise of social media, because even the rise of technology, people cannot even have a conversation anymore. It, it's like you go to the bus stop now. Yeah. Everyone just pulls out their phone. I know we made a joke about it the other week that, ask about the weather, ask about something. Then you're considered a bit of a weirdo if you start asking people general questions or random things. So, people don't even know how to communicate. Whereas, this thing is run on an algorithm. It knows what to say to you. It knows that you don't have to be on your A-game. You can actually stumble, make a mistake, make yourself like a complete idiot in that certain instance, and it won't reject you. Whereas in the real world, well, you're going to get rejection after rejection. It's a difficult thing. So, rather than you're getting your confidence knocked, go to a bot.
Yeah. It's, in fact, it's an easier thing because nowadays our threshold for struggle is very low.
Precisely.
So, remaining anonymous is a theme that runs throughout society now. You can hide behind a handle and troll people. Before, if you wanted to access things which were lurid in nature, you would have to, as you said, go to the sweet shop, look at the top shelf. The mister is looking at you, "Oh, so-and-so's son is picking up the book from up there, is he?" And it's embarrassing and it's shameful, and you want to hide in yourself. And so, even in the, the old American films, you've probably seen where you go to like a movie store, there used to be like an X-rated section at the back, and there's flashing lights, and it's covered with these like tassels, and you've got to walk through there. It's very seedy. And so, you had to really bring your entire self to access this type of stuff before.
There, there's a whole strategy and a plan that had to be formed before you could,
before you did it. And you had to just literally say, you know what, I'm going to throw my integrity out of the door because I really need this fix. I'm going to go and access such and such. But now, because we live in such an anonymous world, you can access all of that and remain completely hidden. And this is what goes back to, and it goes back to understanding that, are you really alone in all of this? You're not. You know, so it's like those who believe in Allah, the unseen, right? If he, if you believe in Him, the unseen, then He is watching you.
So, the, the mister who is looking at you in the sweet shop, or the video shop owner who's watched you walk into the X-rated section, when you're at home, using an anonymous handle and downloading whatever you're downloading, if your eman is in place, then you have to realize at that point, somebody is watching you. A lot of people, they watch this sort of stuff now, before going into the technological advancements of the accessibility of corn. What's wrong with it? Like, you're not really harming somebody, according to the harm principle. Like, you're just satisfying your desire before you get married. Hey, society's made it very difficult for us to get married, and what do you expect me to do? Yeah. I have to behave myself in public. So, why don't I just fulfill my desire online? I'm not hurting anyone. Is the person, sorry.
So, it's interesting you mentioned the harm principle there, and it's, it's almost a fallacy because the individual feels like he's not harming anyone, but he's actually harming himself.
And he's actually searing the receptors in his brain. And you will find a lot of people that have this porn addiction start to suffer from erectile dysfunction. And this happens in people of a very young age, where the testosterone levels are really high, and they should be really high, but they've been culled. And there is now a very, I wouldn't call it an epidemic as such, but it's the rate at which therapists are seeing people coming in with what's called PPU, which is called problematic, um, porn use, has gone up exponentially. Before, you used to get, I don't know, a few clicks a week, for example, where people would say, "I need this help." But now it's through the roof. You've probably seen it yourself, and it's, you know, what is actually happening here? Because the drivers behind it, the, the physiological drivers behind it, of oxytocin, of dopamine, of endorphins, all of these chemicals that we've spoken about, you will find all of them when you watch porn.
But let's just say, I'm going to be playing devil's advocate in this conversation for obvious reasons. I don't have, the person would say, "I don't have erectile dysfunction. I can control it. Yeah. I do it like once a day or something like that to get my fix of being in a relationship until I'm good enough to be in a relationship. I don't have a job. Can't afford a house. I'm living in London. So, I'm not going to be getting married anytime soon. I can't have a girlfriend because that's haram. So, I'm going to be doing this."
I'll add to that. I mean, look, I agree with what Khalid said about the harm principle. There is harm for someone to be able to be to be watching that. You're going to be setting yourself up against having unrealistic standards. Bro, let's be realistic here. They're not getting average Joes off the street.
Yeah.
Yeah. It's literally they're choosing the best, best sculptured bodies and also the best-sized bodies.
Nice.
You get me? And you're comparing your, whether you like it or not. And look, it's like this, may Allah forgive us, right? But it's an act that they have to put on for the benefit of the camera. So, she's cooperating with this guy like she's basically having the time of her life. You see that and start to fantasize that you want to take that into a relationship. You're not achieving that, and then you think, "Bro, must be something wrong with the machinery."
I'm not sizing up. You get me? So, then you start, whether you like it or not, okay, let's just say somebody in that department must,
size doesn't matter though.
Well, let's not start going into convers. Oh, listen. The conversation might start getting nuts.
Yeah.
No pun intended.
Yeah. No pun intended. Exactly.
So, what it is, is whether, even if say somebody had, you know, to that person, they were okay, fair enough. Okay, let's just move the harm principle momentarily to one side.
We're still perpetuating an industry which is exploiting other people.
The more clicks results in more demand. It's a supply and demand concept. It's fueling the industry. If people stop clicking, then they're like, "Well, nothing to do now." And the novelty gets worse. Unfortunately, like what Khaleed mentioned, neurotransmitter, dopamine is released. You have obviously your four different types. We're not going to go into it now, but if somebody's, it's not just a dopamine release, it's a dopamine flood.
Yes.
Right.
You're flooded with it. And then what happens is that you're, you're binge-watching this stuff. You're watching, you're watching, you're watching, but after a while, it starts to get a bit boring.
So, now it's like, okay, let me seek out the next thing. So, then the novelty, it starts changing.
And then it starts going, it's, it's bad. I'm not going to say it goes from bad to worse. It's worse already. It's messy, but it's going to wor, it does go in those footsteps. And can I add to that? There was a study done, and I'll, I'll forward it to you after so you can put it up there. Study done with two groups of people. One, they asked these group of men, what type of, so, what type of corn do you usually watch? And they mentioned what they watch usually. Then there was another group. So, one group was shown the stuff they usually watch, all right, and they had all of these nodes attached to them to sort of measure the, the output of, of what was happening physiologically.
The other group was just shown random stuff.
It was all completely random. And they said that the, I'm, I'm having to be careful with some of the words I use, but they said that the, the erectile strength of the group that was watching the random stuff remained much more potent than the other group. So, the other group has already said, "This is what I like." And they're shown what they like. But it's that randomness, what the Sheikh said, the randomness, the excitement of something I don't know about, but the overarching theme of what I'm watching, is the same as the thing I've chosen anyway. But this is random. Somebody's just chosen this for me. The algorithm has just given me something else. The same way TikTok works, the same way Instagram works, the same way these porn networks work, you, you flick through, the algorithm will start keep feeding you.
So, so here's the thing. As an individual that can't get married, that's not allowed to be in a haram relationship, I'm looking for the lesser of two evils. I want to, you know, I see all of these women inappropriately addressed, and, you know, I behave myself. So, I come home, I do my thing, and then that's it. Yeah. So, one of the things that we've heard is it has a neurological effect by dopamine. The other thing is it gives you false expectations that then cause issues further on in marriage.
What if someone's watching and going, "It's that's still not, that's still not enough for me now to to stop from there?" Because now the issue becomes compounded because now rather than it being a screen, and then you put the screen down, you know, you have to wait, loading times and all that, now you've got virtual reality. Yeah. You put on a headset.
Yeah.
You can now have options of how you want that person to perform certain tasks. And on top of that, the next thing, now, this was in the movie Ready Player One, I think they did a very good job where you can put on a suit.
It's called a haptic feedback suit.
Yeah. So, that if you know, certain part of your body, I mean, in games, if you get shot, you feel it in your abdomen, but in this industry, you can feel the pleasure as well. And you're, you, you feed it in such a way that you don't have to leave your house, you don't have to, you know, curb crawl, you don't have to pay for it, risk STD. So, it's now making this more accessible for an individual that is already lonely, that is already finding it difficult to find a partner, that they're the ones that get swiped, they're the ones that, you know, have to get a house, and frankly, they, they want that release. So, how is that now going to have a compounded effect? Because you guys are talking about what they see on screens. Yeah. I'm now saying this is something they are now immersed in.
Mhm.
What will be the consequences of that?
Yeah. Messy is one answer I'm going to say. It's going to be mad messy because what it is, is you're literally providing a substitute. I'm not talking about like messy VR here. Yeah. But have you ever used virtual reality?
Like of any sort? Have you ever tried it out? Not talking about the corny stuff. You,
get a wicked cricket game. Have you,
bro? Listen, I went up in,
no, I'm not really a cricket guy, but I'll tell you what I, what did happen. So, I went, I was up somewhere up in, I can't remember Edinburgh, Glasgow, one of the cities, and me and my misses went, and we walk into this mall now, and just chill out. I said, "Oh, there's some virtual reality. I want to try it out." So, no one knows I'm me, and I'm all of you here, so I can get away with it. You get me?
So, I put on this headset now, right? I'm not even joking. It literally, we were going through this cartel, and the object of the game was, was you had to shoot the bad guys. As soon as I put it on, I felt the ground moving. Wah, I kind of played with my head a little bit. After I got a bit used to it, subhan Allah, I lined up for this other next one where you go into a haunted house, and you're shooting like some demons or whatever, some possessed people. I'm not even joking. Yeah, I was going crazy. I put that thing on. I was like, just firing away this gun. It was, it's mental. Like, you literally are,
it's cathartic as well, isn't it?
Yeah. But the thing is, is that it's still, I knew it's fake. So, I, you know, I, there's still that kind of, I know it's not real. Now, the reason I'm giving you that big, big introduction is, yes, don't get me wrong, you'll have an avenue where politely, you can relieve yourself. Let's say it like that. Okay. You can have an avenue which you can kind of set free certain pent-up stress, emotion, frustration, and desire, but it never, ever can replace the real thing.
Yeah. But what's wrong with that?
Yeah. Well, from obviously, now, I mean, look, if you want to talk purely Islamic, let's first of all, let's go back to what we believe as scripture, where Allah subhana wa ta'ala mentions. So, first of all, as for us, as the go-to principle, Allah tells us to keep our gazes down and protect our private parts. And the reason why they're mentioned in the same verse, mention that by incorrect use of the eyes, it creates the desire, and then that leads to the step of you committing zina. So, if you reverse the reverse it, control your gazes, that itself then will hopefully lead to a lack of constant desire and pressure that you're constantly feeling inside.
How do you do what? Keep your gaze down. So, when there's all these issues that I said surrounding the push towards corn and VR where you're trying to kind of mimic a relationship.
So, lowering your gaze is, uh, the first step. I mean, that's the default. We should be doing that regardless.
But then, in this regard, what's to stop a person using this as a replacement for the actual thing?
No, people are going to use it. But the thing is, though, what you have to understand is that it's, you're sucked into a thing of absolute fakeness. It's not real. So, for me, knowing that something is fake, for me, I like genuineness to such an extent. For me, this is going to sound like a bit of a mad one. Like, you may notice, uh, you get served by, let's just take an example of a flight.
If that can change, though, because I would say within a couple of years, it's going to be more and more realistic. You're not going to be able to distinguish real life from that. In fact, Apple, they're trying to do that. They are, there's a form of VR where they actually use the real world, and they just, it's like Pokémon Go. Yeah. They use what you're seeing, and then they add certain things to that.
Yeah.
Um, there was one by, um, that guy, the actor Ryan Reynolds. He was in there. I think Free Guy.
So, in, in there, it's the real world, but things are kind of added on.
So, it's, it's augmented reality. That's what it is. It's an improved version of reality now. So, it's not, you can't use that excuse of, "Oh, you know what, that's fake, and there's, I can make that difference." Because now, even with the dawn of the neural link, you're going to be doing, it's going to be very difficult, inception-style, for you to know what's real and what's not real.
So, now, and, and I'll start you guys off. Can I just finish my point? Because I hadn't quite finished it. So, one is the fakeness to it. That's, for me, it's, it's a cringy thing. But I know it's going to think it might, that's a very, um, subjective view, very subjective. But now, there's another thing, right? Is that if you look at, for example, now, uh, the rate of reproduction in this country, we are dropping below a rate which is unprecedented. So, like, if you look at the percentage, what is currently at the moment, I don't want to quote this, but I think it sits at 1.2, 1.3 per two people. Now, that's a worrying statistic. That means we've got this aging population, and we're going to have very few people that can fill that gap. And as a result, people are also getting married later. So, I'm just giving you some of the reasons why consciously, we need to think to ourselves that people may say, "Well, there's no harm. I'm getting fun out of it, so who cares?" But then at the cost of what?
So, you're saying fertility rates are being affected?
It will be affected by this. And also,
the far right should actually be pushing for the fact that we should reduce,
not only fertility, but also the age. Look, bro, it's like this. If you're, if there's no other avenue, you're going to seek a partner for life. You're going to want to marry her. You're going to want to settle down. You're going to want to have, do you get me? It's a natural thing. If you've got options, we've got this gap, gap increasing. It's only going to cause society harm. So, when people say, "No one's going to get harm," no, I disagree. There is harm involved in this in the long run.
Okay. So, you're saying in terms of fertility rates, you're talking in terms of,
rate of reproduction.
Rate of reproduction. Did you,
and the age, and the age as well? It, it will affect anything that formulates itself in real life. We look at structure, we look at governance, everything runs off the action of a human being, right? Governments are set up by humans. Hospitals set up by humans. You know, fire brigades and police, or whatever it might be. The infrastructure of any town, any city, any place is done by people. When everyone is living in this augmented reality, what it allows, it allows the people who are still awake, it allows the people who are still conscious to then rule over that mass. And that's what's starting to happen at the moment. And this is why it starts to go almost into that Dajjal type of illusory world, because Dajjal is is basically deception. And that's what this is. So, you lock people down, you make them stay at home, you have them looking at,
But isn't that happening already?
Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. So, it's, it's, it's all the way is being paved for this. And these things.
So, because what happened is, is when we were locked down for that period of time, we started relying on Zoom and on Teams, and, you know, watching Netflix and watching these series and watching all of these things and saying, "Oh, I might as well order my food from outside now." So, reality has stopped. You've stopped walking to the shop. You've stopped going to the coffee shop to meet your friend. You've stopped making trips abroad to go and see someone because everything now is very accessible and very quick. Doesn't cost me much. I don't have to make much effort to do this, and so it's very easy for me. And the powers that be love this because what they're selling you is they're selling you deception. So, you talked about, "Well, I have this VR headset, and I can do all this." Whole point is, it's not real. And that's what people need to understand is because even when you watch corn, for example, why you're so attracted to what you see is because you're actually watching this from a third-person view. You're not the person doing it. You're watching it like a voyeur, vicariously through this act. It's extremely emasculating because you're watching someone, a man physically well-built, probably well-endowed, you know, with great stamina doing something to someone you're attracted to. How emasculating is that? And so, because of that emasculation, it also leads to ineptness.
It also leads to lack of agency. My lack of agency means I'm not going to bother going outside because I'm socially rejected anyway. I'm socially inept. I can't have a conversation.
People don't understand me.
Well, this is it.
People can't hold proper conversation, so I might as well stay at home.
But Sandra, the AI understands me.
Absolutely.
You see, no, she understands.
She's intelligent. She's smart. She, she's a woman, and she understands what makes you tick, but she also understands how to put the paywall in front of you as well,
because she knows how to fleece you.
Because the powers that be are fleecing you because they're the ones creating the infrastructure. So, the moment we start losing our agency, we lose our duty on this earth, which is to be what? Like I said last week,
leaders on. Do you understand? So, we've lost that now. And this is the way that the Dajjal system works. It works in order to remove our agency, to dumb us down, to create us in this thing of being social. Why do you think Jama'ah in the Masjid is so important? Because it builds community. You have to have conversations. It's real life. You can't virtual reality Salah.
Do you see? Because it's something very real and very tangible. And this is what they're trying to do is, and I'm sorry, I'm taking up a lot of space, but it's that what they're trying to do here is to say to you, "We'll offer you everything that you like, but it's not real." And this is one thing that I, I find so beautiful. Adam (AS) when Allah had given him everything, there was one thing missing for him. There was one thing missing for him. And there was almost like, whether it was a Jannah or whether it was like Aden, or whatever it was that he was in, I'm not a Sheikh, so forgive me if I make a mistake here. But he had everything at his disposal before he came here. But one thing was missing. There was a boredom without companionship. And then he was given a companion. And that companion was a woman. And that companion is what completed him. And that companion was now very real. It doesn't matter about the material. It doesn't matter about these great fruits and these great trees and these, if I don't have anyone to share it with.
Absolutely.
What's the point? You see, and this is what we need to go back to that Allah subhana wa ta'ala, He has created these things for a reason.
And He has connected us to Salah and Quran for a reason. You cannot virtual reality these things.
So, it actually reminds me of a scene from The Matrix. Yeah. And in The Matrix, there's a character who has been made to escape the Matrix. However, he then goes to the agents and saying, "You know what? I was much more happier in the Matrix, i.e., the artificial world. Ignorance is bliss. I want to go back. I don't want to remember anything."
So, my counter question to you would be,
you, you were talking about real.
Isn't real overrated? I mean, isn't real full of pain? Isn't real full of rejection? Isn't real full of, you know, dull colors, waiting around when you can just be plugged into a world where you can just get the best and enjoy it, and even there can be educational things, you can improve in there. Isn't real overrated?
All right, I'll jump in on that. Right. Is real overrated? Absolutely not. Now, again, look, this is, although there's some of this conversation, non-Muslims can benefit from it as well, but I'm assuming a lot of people are going to be Muslims, right? First of all, is this world the be all and end all?
Mhm.
This is a temporary phase. You see, that's the thing. It's about reframing.
Yeah, of course. And that's, some might be thinking, you know what, that's happening. Yeah, that's going to happen in the future. I'm struggling now.
Cool.
So, now, like, I get to have a bit of pleasure. I have to work. And then,
But is it pleasure though? That's the thing. That's the thing. Is it pleasure? That's the whole point. And let me, there's two things here. You're using these avenues of haram thinking you're going to feel happier with yourself. The amount of people that literally go raving, go and deal with their mad ones, blink up with a girl. I was about to say something crude, but deal with it.
They still have this hollowness. Why? Why do they always have this gap? If it's about YOLO, doing what you're doing, mashing it up, having a fun time, well, then why do we see people sitting across us crying their eyes out, wishing that they had a better life?
Great point.
It's that spiritual, guys. It's the, the part of us, right? We don't believe everything is psychological, psych, sociological. We also believe in obviously biological, but also spiritual.
This is our model which differs from the Western world. We believe in a spiritual purpose, and if your spirit is going to be tainted by sin and haram, you're always going to have that gap. You know, it's kind of mad because you watch some of these cults. How can they suck in the most clever of people, intelligent finance, but they've got finances? Why do they get sucked in? It's that part which is missing. Most people yearn for that. And that is the gap that's been created. And you can give them everything else, and they'll say, "Let me try this. I might find peace here. Let me try this. I might find something here. Let me find this." There's nothing. And this is where Allah mentions, "Your heart will only find true peace in the remembrance of Allah." So, it's like, we, yeah, cool. Watch next man deal with that girl. Watch. You're not going to find peace. It's going to be this, this hollow, this recess, this darkness that will just continue to be exacerbated the more you're exposed to it. And you think, "Let me try the next thing. Let me try the next thing. Let me try the next thing." Until when?
You see, so it's a deception. It's a pure deception that people think just the next thing will make me feel more happier. And that's why the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam even mentioned this by way of gold. He mentioned that if a son of Adam, give a son of Adam a value of gold, he'll just, "I want another one." Now, you can't feel the desires of this individual. The only thing that will fill the desires is the mother of the grave.
So, it's a, you're like a hamster on a wheel, going round and round. You ain't getting nowhere. The perception is you are, cuz you're burning calories.
Just, I just couldn't,
is it called the, the hedonic treadmill? I think that's what it is. The hedonic.
But just to add to that as well, Subhan Allah, there's some fantastic points there. What underpins all of this though, is companionship and connection. Why are you in that virtual? Because you want to seek companionship. You want to seek connection. You might not have the social skills to feel that you can do it, but that's when we will train you to deal with rejection because there will be someone out there for you, right? But not your over-amplified version that you've created a construct on based on social media.
And, and corn.
But what really your heart desires is the solace and the nurture and that, that maternal love of what a woman can give you.
There's no creature on a planet can give you that.
None. No computer, no nothing. It's like the analogy of tasting honey. You know, how do you explain to somebody the taste of honey? And I think that's valid even in this, even in a neural link world, right? You can never explain the taste of honey to someone unless you actually try it yourself. But what underpins this, as I said, is companionship, right? And at the end of the day, if we are making companionship, uh, augmented or or false, it's exactly as the Sheikh said, the world could potentially, and this is a slippery slope, I understand, it could turn very dystopian very quickly, which means that everybody is comfortable doing their own things, not coming out of their circles, not meeting. We're herd creatures. Why is the Jama'ah in the Masjid so important?
Absolutely.
It's so emphasized because you have to be part of a community.
I think the, again, still playing devil's advocate. Yeah. A lot of people are in the position where they're in broken relationships. They said, "I've been with a man."
A man will say, "I've been with a woman." And frankly, it wasn't all that. And this experience there, it's actually because when you're putting certain things into your head like a neural link or something like that, let's let's face it, they're going to be hitting certain parts of the brain. The pleasure is going to be more. It is going to be better.
The thing that makes people human is the flaw nature.
Yes.
And what is digital removes those flaws and therefore makes it more appealing because a lot of people are bored with the flaws. We're tired. We don't want a man that's going to fall asleep half, you know, halfway through it, and this and that. You know what I mean? So, bearing all of that in mind now, now why would a person still, despite all of this, say a real relationship is worth investing in and the fake relationship is not? Because you guys are trying to make it seem like a real relationship can't be replaced. And this has to be honest. Cool.
Yeah. A lot of people say it can.
Yeah. Well,
yeah, fair enough. Okay. Look, I'm going to be real. You can replace certain parts. Let my man do that until the age of 60, and then he gets put into an old people's home. Who's there going to be looking after the Giza then?
You get me? It's like the same example can be given like, I'm not going to mention where, but I was at one particular place, I was in London, a number of people there. I was just asking about, you know, do general chitchat, do you have kids? Do you have, bro, there's a common trend, man. People are not having kids. There were eight women there, only one had one kid. The next woman had, "I've got two cats. I've got a cat." And the other one, "I would love a kid."
Big up the cat ladies.
Big up the cat ladies. You get me? They're doing their thing.
And the thing is, is that there's a common trend. It's like, bro, are we not seeing this here that we're going to have an aging population? We're not going to have people to fill that gap. What on earth is going to happen?
This is what I'm saying. This means dystopian.
Yeah, man. You have to think like this. You're going to have a massive, like in Japan now. You know how sad of a situation it is. You've got obviously, very, they live long lives, bro. You've got people throwing themselves out of windows in this, in despair, cuz they're living lives by themselves. There's such a shortage of kids being born.
Crazy. They're saying they close on average one, two schools a day. A day.
Now, that is worrying statistics. I think the worst place in the world currently, if I'm not mistaken, you can check this up, and it's not Quranic or anything, but I think it's South, no, North, South Korea with a percentage of 0.7 or 0.8% of children per person. Bro, that's crazy. So, North Korea is better than them.
Yeah. No, no. Sorry. One second. No, hold on. Hold on. North, in terms of fertility. Yeah.
No, hold on. You got North is the, is the, Kim Jong-un. Sorry. The South then. South. South. South. South.
No, that's what I'm saying. You said South.
Right. Okay. I'm saying is better.
Well, I'll leave that side, better and who's not. But in terms of fertility, bro, having kids, it's not known. Like before, you would have, you know, out of, if you had five couples, one wouldn't have a kid. Now, it's reverse. Only one's got a kid, and four don't. Now, okay, you put on this VR, you go and literally have your little fantasy. First, it's not real. Secondly, you're going to get to a point where someone's going to need to be wiping your backside in another people's home, cuz you ain't got kids.
Who's going to fill that gap? It's, it's bleak. But we have to think like that.
So, your, your main argument in a nutshell is that longevity, um, firstly, you won't have legacy. Number two, when you reach a certain age, you're not going to have, you're not going to have a family. You're not going to have people to take care of you at your most vulnerable of times, which, which is valid. But one thing that I will say to help you guys out is the fact that look, I can't hide the fact that reading a book can be boring comparatively to say social media and the likes.
However, the advantages that are attached to reading a book that come with it, holistically make and cannot replace the art of reading.
Absolutely.
Yeah. The mere fact that you're using your imagination when you're going from chapter to chapter, you're utilizing your memory.
You are picking up automatically on sentence structure, on vocabulary, and the like. So, reading, ultimately, even though a person can admit that it is flawed and it cannot, you know, match up to a Steven Spielberg movie or whatnot, but still, it simply cannot be replaced. I would argue the same. I'm not playing devil's advocate anymore in this regard that despite its flaws, if you look at holistically, in terms of the connection that's made, in terms of the spiritual benefit that you get, in terms of the legacy that you get, in terms of the human interactions, the real human interactions that you get with a partner, and the skills you learn that will help you outside. Because think about it, if you are in a bubble, yeah, cotton wool in your home, that mean that that's not going to stop in the home. You're now going to expect the same at work, of course.
So, you now want a virtual reality work as well. Now, when you're on the bus, and someone says something to you, you can't take that because you're too soft. So, I would argue that being in a relationship that is flawed helps you learn skills that will be transferable to other aspects of your life that are necessary for your survival and existence. People need to experience real, though, and that's our duty if we have children or whatever it is. We need to make them experience real. So, for example, I was talking about that cricket game, right? The good game. You put it on, you're in Lords, you're batting against like one of the best bowlers in the world. Wasn't it? It was like a newer game, but I wish it was, but, um, I probably wouldn't be able to hit him.
So, you're getting this ball coming in, and you're smashing it through the covers, and oh yeah, great, this, that, and the other. And I know kids tried it, and I went, "It's all right, isn't it? But let's go to sixes." And then I took them to this place where you go into these nets, and there's like a board, and now the ball's coming at you full speed. "Oh, I can't hit it, Dad." "Why not?" "Oh, I can hit it on the game." "We're in real life now, buddy."
Now, now it's, now the real, that ball comes in fast, and it hurts if it hits you. So, what are you going to do about it?
Consequences that come with.
Because life is going to hit you the same way.
And when life hits you that way, you either hit it for a six, or you get bowled out. It's as simple as that. And you talked about flaws, like, "Oh, these the flaws, um, you know, humans have flaws, and this, that, and the other." We're banging on. We're flawless.
Wait, wait, wait. No, no. You, that was a deep point. I'm not just going to move on from that point. Yeah.
It, you said six. It reminded me of Rocky six, where his line was, "It's not about how hard you."
can hit. It's about how hard you get hit and keep moving forward. It's that stamina that we're talking about. Yeah.
And it's that stamina that people that that muscle of stamina is becoming so weak. People can't survive in jobs. People can't survive in marriages. People can't survive even with the kid. They're like, "Ah, the kids a bit boring. Might as well stick on Dexter or something like that." You know what I mean?
While you while you were talking before I made this note then in order for us to be able to get past the stage of being able to go back to wholesome connection with human beings, you're going to have to be comfortable with pain and rejection.
Absolutely. Look, when you go up to a I'm not saying when you go up to a girl moving mad here, but I'm just talking generically so someone can take some advice from this. Obviously, our way of approaching a woman would be different what you say. But nevertheless, point I'm trying to make if you if you liked a woman, you saw her, you went up to her respectfully, look her and start chirpsing her, right? There is a possibility she's going to reject you outright cold and that's cool.
They say the worst she can say is no.
Worse, yeah, that is it. But can you be comfortable with that?
How dare you? But you develop that and and you're cool with rejection. It's whether you can be honest. Look, I'm okay with being rejected. Now, of course, look, if you're clapped here, if you're a four out of 10 and you're approaching a 9 out of 10, bro, you get realistic. Approach the four out of 10. Approach the five out of 10. You got to have something to bring to the table.
Confidence though.
I agree with the confidence. You got to you got to have game, bro. You can't be bowling without game and then come up to some proper tick next level 10 and think that you're going to successful. You ain't. So firstly, be realistic because what you're seeing on the screen is maybe well above your pay grade. So you've already psychologically in your mind, you're fantasizing about that woman you've seen on screen who is way out of your league. Come down to your level.
Yeah.
Come be okay with rejection and rejection may create pain. It's okay. You got it. But then you'll get confident after a while. It will come. You'll naturally have that swagger that comes thick skin and resilience. Everything you need in the real world. Yeah.
There's a certain issue at play here which is the breakdown of relationships that we mentioned earlier on but now we're dealing with the consequence of that which is if a relationship is broken you've got children now and those children are being raised in homes in which the parents are separate. We already know the statistics. Those kids are more likely to be obese to do drugs to you know be in relationship problems blah blah blah. Now, it's these people, yeah, that come from these broken homes. They haven't been toughened up because let's face it, in a relationship that you're together, most likely you're able to play your gender roles. Yeah. The woman is able to be the woman, the man's able to be the man. So, the kids from broken homes, they are unable to get that.
So, and then constantly, yeah, let's talk about the feelings and you know, are are you okay? And this and that. So, a man is being in given mostly by women. Yeah, which I'm not saying there's anything wrong with. I myself came from a single parent household, my mother, and alhamdulillah, she did a fantastic job, but I'm man enough to say that having a man there would have given me a different dimension. Now, yes, I got there in the end, but it just takes us longer. Yeah. And not all of us make it. Yeah. That those crabs that come out of the ocean, they have to cross that road. There's a man-made road there. You have to you have to that percentage of your survival decreases. I'm not saying it's not possible.
Now, bearing that in mind, a lot of people are taught escapism. Yeah. And that's in a roundabout sort of way what I wanted to get to. Yeah. You guys said marriage.
Um companionship is something people require.
Another thing I would say that VR, augmented reality, chatbots and all of these what they do is they help escape with escapism. That's the reason people drink. That's the people people uh take drugs. That's the reason people watch Netflix, go on social media, you know, zombie scroll, all of these things. Why? Because it's escapism.
Now, they are going to constantly improve how you escape. Why? Because it fulfills an age-old criteria of breads and circuses. Yeah.
When the governments are moving mad, doing some mad stuff, going into wars, sending millions to Israel and then people are starving in the old country. So, what they have to do is they have to dumb down the population. Yeah. Now, either you dumb them down, which we're seeing in the current curriculums. Yeah. People don't want to be reading nowadays.
Uh or what you do is you distract them with breads and saxes, the coliseum. Yeah. Which people go there and they're like, "Oh, wow. Let's take a picture of the coliseum." But they don't understand.
The mentality behind it and how it's more at play now than it ever was.
Absolutely.
So that works well because I think there was a philosopher, I keep forgetting his name, Adorno, something Adorno. Yeah. And he says that magazines, movies, radio, music, all of these things distract from number one political change.
To mo you know people are less inclined for to mobilize for political change and number two.
You you have less time to focus on your purpose.
To you just say oh yeah religion oh yeah it's just there's so many of them the people I meet at speaker corner they go you know I haven't had a chance to think about this uh Yeah.
To be honest, uh I'm I'm open to hearing your argument.
Matters of life is enjoy yourself.
Do you see? Now, these are dead dead arguments that you can refute in 5 minutes, but they just don't have time to think about these because you're at work and then you come home and then you got hundreds of shows to pick from and you know, you can do do this and that. So, that's that's number one, you know, distraction. Yeah. The other thing is uh real life seems boring. You come home at the end of the day, people are here, people are there. So, I'd rather just switch on something and just enjoy myself and be completely absorbed by it. I watch movies anyway. That's apparently it's okay. I listen to music anyway because oh, there's so much difference of opinion about it. So, therefore, it's halal. Yeah. So, there's that issue. Then the there's that issue of governments utilizing and look celebrities. The most paid guy on the planet is Ronaldo for a reason. All he does is kick a ball around. But he gets paid more than teachers. Why? Because people governments want to invest more in players in people that are going to help them distract people rather than educate them. Modern day gladiators in the coliseum.
Absolutely.
Educated masses are a problem.
Distracted masses are easier to deal with.
Pacified.
Pacified. So this is something that if we understand and realize that we are just pawns.
Yeah. If you want to be part of the fabric of society and facilitate change, you have to understand what's going on behind the curtain and teach your kids from an early age. Yeah. Take them camping. Take them fishing. Get them bored. Don't give them the tab or the iPad because everybody else is. Yeah. So, so the all of this is related to escapism. Yeah. And a solution that I would propose is just like we tell people to stay away from drugs and alcohol and this and that and we teach them that this is a way of escapism, there needs to be a similar dialogue. And the dialogue shouldn't be it's haram because obviously all of it won't be haram but it will be getting a person used to policing themselves being in control. And the way to of course do that Allah helps us to do that through our obligatory acts. You got the obligatory fasting in which you're controlling a halal thing let alone a haram thing. Yeah. So uh what do you guys think about the connection that I've drawn with escapism and what what are your thoughts about what I've said so far?
That's true. I mean I I wrote here escapism as a topic which was coming up in my mind. It's true. People want to escape but escape from what? What are they escaping from?
You see it's like people are just not feeling content. So they want to escape from something you can escape from 100 million things until you're not feeling the antidote of what you need that that will always be perpetually there. You'll just be dumbed down through another means. My my my contention my premise is always going to be Islamic because I'm a Muslim. I chose to be a Muslim and I've researched this and I feel content. If your heart is void of spirituality, bro, you can fill it with the best woman, the best car, the best house, the diamond, the platinum, the jewels, the holidays, the A class, this, that, you are going to still feel hollow. When you lay by yourself at night, when no one's watching you and no one can see you and you go into your own thoughts, if you are feeling happy despite all of that, all and good. I I would challenge that.
It's a deception. And the reason what we see is that it's like a neverending facade. The word even comes from it just seems like it's always near but it's not like grapes hanging from a tree. You can't grip it.
You know what I'm saying? It's not there. It's that is why Allah subhana wa tala mentioned and gave us the kind of the brought anything for the better in the hereafter is going to be much better. This is a temporary interim phase. So escape escapism from spirituality in my understanding will perpetuate this situation. And to kind of chuck a mad one in there, not that this is how you find, right? I mean, a family member, he was talking about one of the late singers, Juned Jammed, right? Great. Mah, great person. Yeah. Mah, he's a he made a massive U-turn in his life. But then he mentioned himself something fascinating. He said, "I was a person that was chauffeured around first class flights, five-star holidays, five star, you any everything was the best." He said, "But what happened was is that I remember when I changed my life and then I found myself in a masjid on a straw mat in Balac or Mansera." And he goes, "Wah, I found one of the chefs who had been instrumental in my change and I said, "The suk and peace I'm feeling here, wahi, I did not feel in Wembley Stadium."
Yeah.
And you know how many people say that when they go to Mandelifa?
Yeah.
You know, the best sleep of my life. Oh my god. That's a mad bro. Exactly that. You're out of the clock tower now. Fake five-star artificial thing. You are literally in faceful.
That sleep is everyone says it. It's it's crazy.
That's a really good point because that day you've spent the whole day reconnecting your soul back to Allah. Yah. I'm sorry. I want another chance. I want to give it another opportunity.
It goes back to what you said there that verily in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find peace. And it's I give you I want to talk about something else about escapism, but just quickly two clients that I've had. So one client um it's about people who have taken their own life. So these are the survivors of those people. One of them a very affluent man okay but didn't believe in God at all. Right? The other one middle class hardworking but believed in God. Not Muslim but believed in God. Okay. Their outlooks were completely different. Right? One of them who had all of the money. I've been on this holiday. I'm playing these games. I'm going to this club. I'm going to this. I'm doing all of these things exactly as the sheh said, I can't sleep at night. I'm having to take pills. I'm having to do all the things because it's emptiness. That hollowness is there. Whereas the other person when I asked them, they go, well, you know, as hard as it is, I always remember that God's in charge and so I put myself in his trust and go to sleep. And I thought, subhan Allah. You know, the perspective is the same same issue, but the perspective shift is huge in that.
But that I just wanted to add that to what you said. So relevant. Can I also add to that, Shnie? Yeah, couple of days ago I met a Christian family. We we met at a particular place and they unfortunately may Allah give their grandchild and may Allah you know grant their family ease and comfort. But they had a child in their family who was born and unfortunately the the lookout it was bleak. You get me? They didn't they weren't expected to survive over a couple of days anyway. Alhamdulillah the child kind of miraculously is is alive but sadly there's going to be a lot of complications. So I I was just chatting to one of the grandparents, grandparent, grandma, grandfather, uh both of them having a good chat and it was so from their perspective they came from a Christian background that outlook of faith gave them suk and peace knowing that God would never test us what we couldn't handle. He knew what was best for us. He knows that what we can and can't do. He's all loving. He's and I thought subhan Allah like we you see this is the thing we have the same exactly same thing. We believe in the verse of Quran. We believe Allah won't test you but won't be on what you can bear. So everything will serve a greater purpose.
What he's talking about this and now I'm coming back to my point is the absence of religion is what's fueled.
People coming like us having a job. Let's be absence of spirituality breakdown of community. Clarkson mentions this in the book I was reading that due to the breakdown of communities you know you'd get go to elders you would sit down you solve your beefs. Bro, that's why we have an industry like what we have because people are now needing to replace that with a and which is also overseen by a body and say oh you can say that you can't say that no you can't do this but you got it's just it's too it's just too fixed you get me so escapism again I'm going back to that central point spirituality the hearts are empty bro.
So this escapism what you find is when people are exhausted and they come home they want to find solace and they usually find solace in someone else. It's what the sheh said before. There's a vacuum. People are looking for the antidote of that vacuum. They're looking to fill that vacuum. And what they have now is accessibility. They have Instagram. They have Twitter. They have Tik Tok. They have ways of accessing very beautiful people that they find attractive that can fill that void. Maybe it is that my spouse doesn't listen to me. I can find somebody for that. Maybe it's my spouse doesn't satisfy me uh on a physical level. I can find somebody for that. Maybe my my spouse doesn't have the the type of body that I want because I escape into pornography and hey, so and so has that.
And you know what happens is when this person goes searching for that person, that person is usually in the same boat and they're searching for something too. And before you know it, worlds collide and you're in this situation.
So it's two broken people that come together and create a bigger mess.
This it's magnetic. This type of trauma bonding is magnetic. People find each other through this. It's a how it works. And that's where the problem starts because now these two people are giving solace and comfort to each other. And before you know it, five six years have gone past and this person's living a double life.
They're living an actual double life.
And that affects a person um psychologically.
Because you're not as w cuz now you're not you anymore. You don't know who you are.
Authenticity is gone. Your authenticity is gone. You're being a version of yourself that's not even true. Do you know how tiring that would be?
Yeah, bro.
Look, I'll give you an example, right? Like I I had this a little bit growing up a little bit because I I came from a my mom family white.
Christian dad's family very or not very Pakistani they're Pakistani. You get me? But also I'm going to use what what I was going to say is that we're uneducated Pakistanis like bindles type of thing. I come from villages.
And there's nothing wrong with coming from a village.
That's very honest.
But it's honestly you get me? But it's now in terms of being open-minded and stuff.
And where my mom's family obviously try and be polite here, try and be polite here, you know, say Pakistani things here, say English things here.
It got to a point it got tiring. It it just the facade dropped eventually.
And then it got to a point where, and this is what I'll openly challenge, listen to how I speak now. Listen to any of my stuff online and see is that the same person talking or not. I've got to feel comfortable if people like me or not.
I'd rather be the true authentic version of myself. And it's that authenticity which we need to bring back. People need to be authentic. Be okay with being yourself.
You know, I've got a cousin, right? And he I won't say who I got. By the way, I got Marshall and Cwley have 130 family members. Which cousin it is? I would be like.
The far right would be thinking what the flip.
Now but from my English family I got about 60 as well. So we you know you know my listen bro my nan my nanny right she come from a family of 15 brothers and sisters.
Can you imagine that seven brothers eight sisters or eight brother eight brothers seven sisters they old times and then anyway go back to the point let me focus on the cousin now yeah.
So I got a cousin Bada he I I had a chat with him. I said look bro why did you kind of like big up a little bit try and you know dash you know you tried to kind of style out why don't you be yourself.
Like you we know you're chatting bro come on We know you're you're moving mad. We know you're not telling the truth. But we still like you because we know the true you. But if you accept yourself, that itself would be a kind of for yourself.
It would kind of be what's looking though not cathartic even like um it would be healing. You've accepted yourself. But we accept you for you. But can you accept yourself?
And it's this is not just using that as a as a close to home example, but we I work with this man. Like it's that finding your true self. Can you find your true self? And when I'm working with people opposite me, obviously I'm working in family, I'm working in a systemic way, but if I'm working with individuals, I want them to find their true self. What does it mean to you? That's why it's not about me giving you advice.
I don't like my true self.
You don't even know what it is.
The the social media and everything has told you what you need to be. Your augmented girlfriend has told you what you need to be.
I don't you keep Susie out of this.
Yeah, that's right. I will.
Yeah, Susie.
But seriously, bro, like to find someone help someone find their real true self. And when you when you're authentic and I I have this quote which I'm I'm going to leave to the end, but it's just so apt for this particular point here.
Perfect. Right. And I'll leave it.
That then transitions us nicely to the the last segment that hopefully I'm going to, you know, push you guys on.
And that is that especially here in the west, marriage has become really difficult. Men feel for them. I.e. if things go wrong, she gets 15% of everything. She gets the kids. I'm running from court to court trying to get access of my kids.
And you know my life is now going to be ruined. Yeah. So why get married? Like what's the point if I can just replace her and you know with all of these things you know AI chatbots and you know VR and haptic suits and just invest in all this sort of stuff I'm happy. Yeah. I've got what I need. Yeah. If I want things done you know I'll just I'll just get stuff ordered. Yeah. I'll just get food ordered. I'll just get somebody to clean. I'm not saying that that's what a relationship is, but unfortunately that's how some people say that. Look, what am I really getting? What is she bringing to the table? Yeah. So, bearing that in mind, why? Because this question of why should I get married?
Yeah. What would you say, Khalid?
Why should I get married? I'm playing that role now. Why, Khalid? Why do I get married? You know, when you're cold, when you're shivering, when you're destitute, and when you're looking for solace, and you're looking for shelter, I guarantee you there is no neural link. There is no augmented reality that's going to shelter you the way that what Allah has stipulated for you will shelter to you. Allah says that your spouse is like a garment for you. A garment for you that when you are destitute.
A garment of thorns.
Potentially for some but be the rose in that thorn and it's it's up to you and to you to change your perspectives.
I am the I am the rose in that, but I'm constantly getting beat down. And frankly, me not having access to my kids, her taking 50% of everything and running and bringing that sort of negative energy.
But that's your Yeah. But that's your worst case scenario. And Islam gives you gives you ways out for that. Islam's pragmatic.
It's not.
Yeah. But if I I can't get a way out of that now because if I get a way out, she gets 50% of everything and she gets the kids. There is no way out. I'm trapped.
No, but okay, let me also chuck this in. I'm not saying people need to start going back to prenups. Yeah.
But even prenups don't technically work because you have a prenup and then afterwards she can say, "Yeah, I was coerced or I wasn't ready or what not."
There's ways around that too. Then you you mitigate those circumstances. I'm not saying I don't like the idea of going into a marriage being defensive.
Yeah.
Right. And this is why I say.
You got to be realistic though, isn't it?
No, you be cautious.
Cautious and not I think be because you're realistic is already assuming that something bad's going to happen. I'd be cautious. I benefit of the doubt it can happen.
Statistically speaking.
That's a bleak outlook.
Statistically speaking, one out of two relationships will end within the first year. 80% of divorces will be instigated by women. So, excuse me for being bleak because that's what statistically I'm seeing. And I have to be realistic. I have to be pragmatic rather than me running you know from one to the other trying to get access to I get one.
Look of my child without them you know painting me as this and yeah I hear that okay so look it's like this oxytocin one of the neurotransmitters of the brain which is released when you have physical contact.
Yeah, you can have augmented reality and this that you know it's going to sound mad yeah but laying next to someone and feeling the warmth of that body even the hair in your face bro that's a you can't replace these little little nitty nitty gritty things.
That's the oxytocin I'm talking about. And that's why we say that when you're if someone's having too many relationships, when you when you sleep with someone, you shared a part of your body with that person that has become you've shared oxytocin with that person. Sorry to be sorry to be crude. But but even sleeping with somebody, I can pay for that.
She don't love you.
She loves your money.
Come on, man. That that would be a fake version of.
That one hour. She don't love you.
She's not. Would that not emasculate you next knowing that literally after after she rode you, she's riding next man?
That's a good point.
That's mad. Y it's literally like it's just I don't even want to use the word and I'm you know I'm not I'm going to simply say it like this. Yeah. That this it's a mashup messy situation. This should be like removed from society.
But it's you're saying why take the look. Have you ever had an operation by chance?
Alhamdulillah. No.
No. Not the game meaning have you ever had a operation like a broken arm or anything like that?
Yeah. Yeah, that's a m connection though.
Let me let me explain operation. Oh, yeah, that thing with the be really careful. Anyway, that's cool. Yeah.
Operation. After the operation.
Kim Jong-un.
What's he got to do with this? North Korea is in it. Higher fertility rates compared to South Korea.
Operation. Let's stick with before you get derailed.
Yeah. Okay. So, what was I even saying? Okay. So, um.
Have you had an operation?
Have you had an operation? Okay. If you ask people that yes, undoubtedly having the operation would cause you pain, but you'd feel better at the end of it.
After every difficulty, after every challenge, you're always going to feel that you triumph. And that itself is going to be um not not only therapeutic, but a sense of achievement. Like for example, the primary cause of unhappiness is not the situation itself. It's how you're viewing the situation.
Yeah. The P and that's the unhappiness that you've kind of built into your mind that oh because I've I can't deal with this situation I'm going to be unhappy but what if it makes you stronger which doesn't kill you makes you stronger it's going to make you a better version of yourself you'd be more better after that yeah it would be hard it would be painful and I'm not saying taking 50% of your wealth is easy that's tough.
Having to go to see your kids through.
I want to lose my family home for God's sake.
But I hear that.
I want to keep my home.
But then okay now weigh up all of this that is the worst case scenario weigh up all of this.
Versus being in an alone person by yourself, cashing your pension, literally eating noodles from a cup while you're waiting for carers to wipe your bum.
Where would you rather take a risk?
Now, that's bleak. Both are bleak.
Yeah.
Which what's more bleak?
Pot noodles.
Bro, straight up pot noodles, man. That's why you got people throwing themselves off of Japan, their balconies. They've had enough of life. There's no one to look after the elderly. This is I'm telling you, this is a forget pandemic. This is a crisis that's going to unfold.
Yeah. I would also like to just remember your point. Yeah. Before I forget, which is that relationships are now being put under the microscope. Like people are genuinely trying to replace relationships in their entirety. That means that we have to be more realistic as partners and and not be people that lack accountability. Yeah, this is for either gender. But one gender gets accused of lacking accountability more than the other. So we need to you know we need to understand uh and take ourselves to account and rather than you know when we're with our peer group saying yeah yeah you go girl or yeah yeah you go bro no like if your man is if the that's how it is amongst the brothers like someone's got a bit of a d and he goes like bro.
You were hesitant to talk about that you looked at us and said unconscious communication carry on it was actually mine like it pops up but most of my friends they go bro that's popping out a little Yeah, because obviously I'm in front of the camera a lot. So he goes like, "Bro, like remember even this week somebody goes like, "Bro, that's it's coming out a little bit." So we hold our ourselves to account whilst you've got the other gender. No, no, no, that's fine. She's a four, but she'll say, "Yeah, I'm a 10. I got to have confidence in it." Bro, look, look, this is again, and I think this is important. We have developed our concept of masculinity and femininity through chas. Yeah.
I'm sorry to use that, bro. You red pill and you this. You're a no one.
You're a no one. You're someone with a little voice that thinks you're bad. And you're throwing this out there. Allah subhana wa ta'ala has told me in the Quran that verily in him we have given the best example. That's my criteria for masculinity right there. Him. I know people go, "Oh, but how do I apply that in the real world?" Start reading some books. That's why I'm being harsh today.
I'm being quite harsh today. Start reading the and understand how it applies to now because yourat wasam has an answer for every one of your problems now. And if you want to know how to be a man in a relationship, in a loving relationship where you can put your sword and your shield down and rest in the comfort of your woman, look at the prophetam and look at.
That blueprint is phenomenal. Subhan Allah. When the message was first given to him after what did he do? He's gone to Khadijah.
And your Lord will never forsake you. She's saying to him, look at the support. Look at the encouragement. Belief in him. I believe in you. She's lifting him up. She's lifting his spirits up. Okay. Yeah. You know what? I can do this. Then the wahi comes again. Wa. You know, subh makes me want to cry sometimes. That relationship is so beautiful. And that's why he loved her so much.
Yeah. All to the end he used to talk about.
It's interesting when he went through hardship they say he went home right?
Yeah.
Khadijah was at home.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Don't Here's the thing. Just imagine. Just imagine. Yeah.
Because everyone's talking about work in it.
Oh man.
Go. The bare fact, bro, she's she's not at work. And he doesn't come home and say, "Oh, she's not at home. Let me call her or let me send a message to get though as well.
She was she was she was a business like she was a business woman, but she was accessible in her relationship for him when he do you see? Now, imagine if you're like, "Oh, okay. Um, yeah, I want to be a boss babe. I want to do this. I, you know, I want to be a CEO." And okay, but when you come home, you're having to microwave your food. She's not available. She comes home and she's tired and you want to talk to her and she's like, "Oh, not today, love. I'm really tired. I got a meeting tomorrow."
So even that sort of stuff, bro, we got to be realistic. If you if you are taking your values from feminism or you're taking Yeah. If you're taking your values even from red pill or migttow or whatn not these are things other than Islam and it will give you a warped understanding of a relationship because because we're men we're going to be talking about women and when they're women they're going to be talking about men. All right. So I guess the point is that we have to refer to Islam when it comes to relationships and our gender roles. The more that we're looking towards these isms and schisms, they are going to mess stuff up. And Islam does have the answers and we just have to seek it out and not rely on shorts.
Not rely on just the 20 minutes once a week. We have to seek the out, the people of knowledge out, sit with them, learn from them and take time out rather than just expect it to land in our laps. And then because the red pill and feminism stuff comes, it's more accessible and it's more structured in universities because they're going to be pushing for that stuff. Obviously, that's going to be more accessible. But we need to we need a counterbalance.
One of my sorry I was going to say that's one of my contentions. I believe that uh why people would rather opt for an individual life is because also feminism has contributed. It's not the sole the culprit here but does that add to it like you know bro I'm going to get into a relationship. I'm I've got to go home literally and I've got to open up a tenn of beans and eat my dinner.
And she's out doing her thing. I've got to wake up in the morning for an appointment and meeting and you're feeling like second class. Bro, that relationship is I'm sorry if you're coming from a man's perspective and I'm talking subjective, but I wouldn't want my MS having to kind of leave the home serving somewhere else, but yet I'm feeling like I'm left out. Sorry, mate. And you know what I would rather do? I would rather not own my house. I'd rather not have a flashy car. I'd rather not go first class to Dubai. I'd rather just be a simple giza living on a very simple income, but at least I'd rather have that connection with my misses.
Now, I'm not saying everyone has to go like that, but that's for me. And that's why I'm going to say maybe has this idea feminine has it created also to add the fuel to the problem. I'll leave the people to decide themselves.
And just lastly, I think it's really important for the mash of today to be able to take the and apply it to today. That that's so important, you know, and I think if that can happen and people can relate cuz when we talk about the prophetam sahaba etc. we start thinking oh well that's then they were so amazing not no it's relevant now and I think that's that's important for us to take that contextualize it and apply it.
So yeah, I mean this topic is something that does need more unpacking it does it really.
And uh inshallah we can maybe um touch on it in more detail uh some other time but we're going to end with book reviews. Okay, all right. So my book is Fahrenheit 451. The case of the book is It's a dystopian novel and it talks about there comes a time in which books are seen as the enemy and they are burnt. Any house that's spotted with a book, the fire services go there and and burn the whole collection. Yeah. It's actually seen as a detriment to society. And what's encouraged is the screen, the TV screen actually takes the size of the wall. So it's as if you're sitting in a room full of screens and you are immersed in that TV show and the TV show it's catered like it will mention your name. So at places they've got like little inserts that that do that. So it's very interesting to kind of uh see that and my quote is from this book and it is there must be something in books things we can't imagine to make a woman stay in a burning house there must be something there you don't stay for nothing.
So alhamdulillah for me I was reading this book again it's a Kindle book got it from Kindle store as you do it's called secrets of the circle group therapy tale by Claraara Kingsley. It's not it's not a true story. It's a fictional story, but it's about how this uh therapist, she navigates the challenge of running a group. So, it's very based on themes related to counseling. So, if you're not really into the counseling thing, a lot of the things she's mentioning about projection and defense mechanisms, it won't make much sense, but it's a fantastic read for someone who is in this sort of work or just wants to understand the nuances of working as in a group. Fantastic read. For me personally, I took a lot from it. There's no particular one quote but I want to share a quote of something.
And it was about earlier on we spoke about how it's good it's you should feel happy to feel okay okay to be uncomfortable and it comes from a point of being and accepting yourself. So the quote is as follows. You're better off being liked for who you're not rather than being loved. Right? You're better off being liked for who you are than loved for who you're not.
Authenticity. Be yourself. if you're liked but it's your who you are better rather than projecting oh my name is it I'm this and love rather than loving a fake version of yourself be yourself.
And that really resonates with me.
Yeah, so the book that I've got is interesting it kind of marries into the theme and I didn't it was unconscious Neil Postman's book which is amusing ourselves to death and so I'm halfway through it at the moment but he goes through the dawn of the printing press and how the printing press kind of took away from oretry societies and how important like having oral traditions used to be and then the printing press giving everybody something to read and something to immerse themselves into and now he's it's all about how this took place in America. Um book was written in the 80s like late '80s and it's really apt to what's happening now. So, I would love it if there was like a revision to this and the progression because he then talks about television and how television then became the medium by which lots of people are distracted and literally amusing themselves to death and uh it's a really interesting book and very relevant for now. Uh the quote.
It up.
Yeah. Yeah. So, it's Neil Postman, Amusing Ourselves to Death. Great book. Um I'm halfway through it. The quote I wanted to share was from Arthur Shop and how I I really like his work. Um and this is very poignant. It's interesting because the eye almost follows the seal of the prophetam as well. So it says all truth passes through three stages. First it's ridiculed. Second it's violently opposed. Third it's accepted as being self-evident.
All right guys inshallah you benefited from this. Let us know in the comments uh your feedback and inshallah see you guys next time. [Music]