Transcription
Exodus 18:1 says this, "And Jethro," somebody say Jethro, if Jethro wasn't from Midian, I'd say he was from Georgia, cuz that is one country. And he ain't even from Atlanta. He from Duth or something like that. And Jethro, the priest of Midian, Moses' father-in-law, heard all that God had done for Moses and for Israel, his people, that the Lord had brought Israel out of Egypt.
Then Jethro, Moses's father-in-law, took Zapora, Moses's wife. There we go with the names again. Moses married a woman named Zapora. Now, I'm not going to get in trouble. I just say this. When your name is Zapora, your neck moves just a little bit more than the average person. You can tell Zapora was just a little bit spicy. She wasn't putting up with a lot of foolishness. Don't mess with Zapora. After he had sent her back. Somebody say sent her back. We'll unpack that because that's the entire message. With her two sons, of whom the name of one was Gersham, for he said, "I have been a stranger in a foreign land," and the name of the other was Eleazar. For he said, "The God of my father was my help and delivered me from the sword of Pharaoh."
And Jethro, Moses's father-in-law, came with his sons and his wife to Moses in the wilderness, where he was encamped on the mountain of God. Now he said to Moses, "I, your father-in-law, Jethro, am coming to you with your wife." Somebody say, "With your wife." And her two sons with her.
Now, you know, when we preach, we always ask the word of God questions, and we'll unpack the question in the message. But here's the question we are asking from this passage. Why is Jethro bringing Moses, his wife, back? I didn't know wives came with a return policy. I didn't know you can pick them up and return them as you saw fit. But based on the fact that Jethro was bringing her back means apparently there are no return policies.
Let's pray. Father God, we're grateful. We're thankful. We declare who else is worthy. God, you're worthy of our praise, our adoration, our attention, our focus, our worship. And God, it's such a privilege to be in this place right now to meet with you. So we say speak, heal, deliver, do what you came to do, and we will be ever so careful to give you all the glory, honor, and all the praise. In Jesus' name we pray.
Come on, somebody shout at me the same way you shout at your kids. Somebody say, "Y'all going to stop yelling at them kids, by the way, cuz you yell at the kids, the kids yell back at you, and then they get in trouble. You started it, so be nice to your children." I have a question for you. If I were to tell you that someone was going to break into your house to rob you at 2 a.m. tomorrow morning, what would you do? Somebody said, "Get my gun." Oh my lord. Don't mess with Union Church. That's what I have now learned. I love asking a question like that because everybody responds differently. The women are like, "Oh, no. I'm getting out of the house." Or whatever. All the men in this room were like, "I've been waiting for this moment. We must protect this house. I don't know what it is about a man, but our dream is, I wish you would. Just give me a legal excuse." But I'm seriously, what would you do? Everybody would respond differently. But no matter who you are, here's what I know. None of us would be asleep. If you know somebody's about to come up at 2 in the morning, you, you're going to be awake. Come on now. Most of you have kids, you're going to have your kids out the house. I'm not leaving the kids in the house. If you're a real man, you're getting your wife out the house. Ain't no, "Hey, babe, you come on. Go see what happened. I'll be with the kids." Ain't none of that. Come on now. Some of you men going to be at the front door with the ski mask just waiting. No, you got a fair warning. Call the police. I don't know what you going to do, but I know at least you going to lock your door. You at least going to set the alarm. Why? Because someone told you of the ill intent of a thief. And you're not just going to let a thief steal from you without even attempting to hinder them.
Here's the problem. The Bible already told us that there's a thief, and that that thief is trying to not just steal, but steal, kill, and destroy. God has preemptively warned you that all of God's promises are yes and that no good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly. However, there is a thief on this earth. His name is Satan. The Bible says that he roams around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. The problem is we don't know the time nor the date that he's coming, and he has lulled us to sleep. And some of us are knocked out, not knowing that there is a thief that is trying to steal our health, steal our joy, steal our peace, steal the promises of God over our lives.
Today's message, I believe one of the number one things that the enemy is attacking today is marriage. I think one of the biggest things that the enemy is trying to steal from culture and steal from society is marriage. Now, some people say, "I think the man, I think the man is the number one thing that the devil attacks." And the man knows God knows it, or or Satan knows that if he attacks the man, gets the man out the household, that a household without a man is in front of a house, and blah, blah, blah. And and people will say that the man is the most attacked thing. I don't think that males are the most attacked thing by the enemy. And I think if males are the most attacked thing by the enemy, it's not because we're males. It's because he's trying to attack our marriage. And he's like, "If I can divide, if I can split, I can leave everybody vulnerable."
It's wild. Every time I come in and preach this sermon series on marriage and relationships, the spiritual warfare and the attack goes to a whole different level. I don't know if this is TMI. My wife's on the front row. If I get in trouble for this, I'll be all right. If you see me with the black eye next Sunday, just know God's a healer. But, but we've been married for 13 years, and and we didn't even know the attack of the enemy on marriage for the first number of years. And watch this. What would happen is the first seven or eight years of us pastoring the church, we figured out by now, but the first seven or eight years of us pastoring the church, the worst arguments we would always have as a couple, guess when it was? During February. Every time we are telling y'all to get y'all marriages together, it's the exact same time we can't stand each other. It, it would, the worst fight would always come the last week of January. We'd have the best Christmas ever. Christmas vacation. It'd be great. By 21 days of prayer and fasting is the beginning of January. How you arguing at the end of 21 days? But sure enough, here comes the last week of January. I say something stupid, and she gets upset, and it's all over. She says something, um, that I, I ain't that dumb. She says something I prefer she hadn't. And next thing you know, we are at each other's throat. And we realized after a while, it's not just us. The, the, the reoccurring timing was that the enemy was trying to discredit our marriage. So when we stand up and I tell y'all to fix y'alls, that she's on the front row rolling her eyes. By the way, y'all got no idea how hard it is to be a preacher. You get up here and you preach your life. And then you go home and your wife is like, "Mhm. That was a great message you preached today. Eh, feel free to do what the Lord told you to do." But seriously, it's to the point now we've got a prayer team that prays for our family. We'll tell our prayer team, "Hey, relationship series is coming. Start praying now, because the enemy hates marriage."
And what I found is right now in culture, there is a hopelessness. There's a hopelessness among single folks of, "Man, there ain't nobody to date. I ain't never going to get married," or "I'm never going to find the right person. Even if I do, why would I want to get married? Because they look miserable." And then there's a hopelessness amongst the married folks of, "Man, this is not what I signed up for. This is not what I thought it was going to be. It's got to be better than this." And can I tell you, the hopelessness is not coming from the state of culture. The hopelessness is not coming from the baggage that you brought or the or how long or whatever is. The hopelessness comes from one place: having no vision for how do I get to where I want to get to and get out of where I am right now.
Now, my wife was preaching. She would tell you something different. I have the microphone. So I'm going to tell you my side of the story. I don't believe I have ever been depressed. Now, if you ask her, she would say, "Well, 2016, 2018, 2022, I was highly discouraged." Not semantics, but I would tell you the darkest seasons of my life all had one thing in common: I did not know how to get out of a situation. I, I, I think I'm a very positive person, glass half full, very optimistic. I, I know life is not perfect. I've got no issues with problems. I've got tenacity. So if there's a problem in front of me and I know how to work the problem, I'm not discouraged at all. Let's go. You tell me it takes seven years to hammer on this wall and then it breaks, five years from now, you're going to find me swinging that hammer. I've got. When I get discouraged is when I've done everything I know how to do. I have used every tool in the toolbox and nothing's worked. And now that despair starts to kick in because you're like, "I have no idea how to get out of this." Proverbs 29:18, you know the verse, "Where there is no vision, where there's no steps, where there's no guideline, the people perish, their hope perish, but he that keepeth the law, happy is he." And I'm telling you, for that person that is overwhelmed, discouraged, hopeless right now, God's got strategy. God's got plans. God's got open doors. He is going to order your step. You are not in this by yourself. He said, "If any man lacks wisdom, simply ask."
This passage in Exodus chapter 18, it's a very interesting passage. We find Moses on the Mount Mariah where he eventually brought the people to meet with God. And this is after he had delivered Israel out of captivity. And all of the major miracles that we would all know about have already taken place in his life. If you're new to scripture, Moses was one that God went to bring deliverance for his people in Israel. Israel had been in captivity in Egypt for over 400 years. And they began to cry out to God to send us a deliverer. God goes to Moses, watch this, who was a Jew, but had never been in bondage, to lead those who are in bondage out of bondage. Can I preach just for a second? Sometimes you need someone who has not been through what you've been through to lead you out of what you've been through. Because when they've been through the same thing, they see the impossibility the same way you see it. You've got to have someone who's never been depressed. Let me tell you, the joy of the Lord is real, and he can pull you out. Sometimes you need people that never experienced poverty to let you know, "Hey, that glass ceiling that you think is there is not really there. Go talk to this person. Do this and do this and do this and you will break out." Don't be so anti just because you don't have a shared experience. Sometimes it's because they haven't been what you've been through that they can see it a different way.
So, you know the story. Moses goes in in Egypt. He looks at Pharaoh, says, "Let my people go." Pharaoh says, "I don't know who your God is. I will not let your people go." God performs 10 different plagues, miracles through Moses. Blinds out the sun. Turns the Nile River to blood. Locust, uh, frogs, cattle dying. Finally, on the 10th plague, Pharaoh said, "Leave. Get out of my sight. Take your women. Take your children. Take your cattle." They plundered Egypt, traveled two weeks past Egypt, and they come to the Red Sea. Water in front of them. And Pharaoh had changed his mind. So now he's coming to take them back into captivity. They have water in front of them. They have the enemy behind them. Probably the most famous miracle in all of scripture next to David and Goliath. Here Moses stretches his staff over the water. The waters part, and three million people walk across on dry ground. The Egyptian army rides through trying to come and take over them. And when the army gets into the bed of the sea, those waves crash over and destroy their enemy. And God says, "The enemy that you see today, you will see no more." Can I preach just for half a second? The Bible says that's a picture of water baptism. When God brings you out of bondage, the enemy tries to pull you back into bondage. But when you go in that water and you come up on the other side, everything that held you back is left in that water when you come up. Somebody say, "Amen."
They come out of the water onto the other side into the wilderness. Now they're complaining, "God, we're hungry." And the Bible says that he brings bread, manna in the morning and quail at night. In the original translation, it means Krispy Kreme donuts in the morning and Chick-fil-A nuggets at night. Study it. You'll find that to be true. You got all that right?
You ready for the message? So, here is Moses on the mountain. All the greatest miracles of his life have already taken place. And it says his father-in-law, Jethro, brings his wife and his kids to him. And he says, "The wife that you left behind, here she is." And watch this. For every greatest miracle in Moses's life, he was separated from his family at the moment. Every great miracle that Moses did, his family never saw it coming. When those seas parted, there were no little boys there saying, "Look at my dad being used greatly by God." When Moses stood with courage in front of Pharaoh, there was no woman by his side saying, "That's my man. You tell him. You tell him. You tell him." The enemy was able to destroy the most valuable thing that Moses had. And here comes his father-in-law having to tell him, "You did all this great thing for the people, but you left behind the most important thing that God's given you."
Now, now, now my question is, why did Moses and and Zapora split? Now, the Bible doesn't tell us, and some people are like, "Well, you know, maybe Moses," you could tell I don't agree with this by the voice I'm using, but maybe Moses didn't want his children and wife to be in danger, so he left them behind knowing he was going to Egypt." Well, I don't really agree with that because the Bible says that the whole family was on their way to Egypt.
Bible doesn't tell us what the split was about, but can I tell you what I think the split was about? God comes to Moses. He said, "Hey, I need you to be a deliverer. Go back to Egypt." He packs up his wife. He packs up his kids. They're on their way to Egypt. They go to sleep that one night, and the Bible says that God tried to kill Moses. Elbow your neighbor. Say, "Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on." Don't jump to conclusions. We got. We got to unpack. So, y'all got crazy. I told, "Hold on. Let's unpack this." So, the Bible says that God tries to kill Moses right after he sent him on a mission. And the Bible says that Zapora wakes up. Moses is asleep the entire time. He had no idea he was getting ready to go meet Jesus too early. He had no clue. His wife wakes up, the Bible says, grabs a flint rock, and all the men of God said, "Ouch." You know where this is going. Grabs a flint rock and circumcises their two boys that were probably like 9 and 12 or something like that. And when she did that, God stayed his hand of judgment and did not kill Moses.
Now, you may be asking, why did God want to kill Moses? Well, as you know, circumcision was a covenant between God and Israel hundreds of years ago back from Abraham. And God sent Moses into Egypt to tell Israel, "You've forgotten your covenant with God. It is time to establish a covenant again." But God got mad because Moses was getting ready to preach to the people. Come on, preach this to yourself. What he had not first established in his own home. And for God, it is an abomination for you to tell people something publicly that you are not living privately to the point where, watch this, God was going to cancel Moses's destiny because he was not caring for his home, even though he was tracking it back.
Now, you, you could do whatever you want with this passage. Here's how I see it. Moses is asleep. She gets a dull flint rock and circumcises the boys. They screamed. Oh, you know they screamed. So Moses wakes up to bloodcurdling, "What are you doing?" And Zapora is like, "Well, you didn't do it. God nearly killed you. Where, where he at? I don't, I think you're making it up. No, you wouldn't leave your family because you were too busy being a deliverer to the people. So now I got to do your job. You know what? That's always your problem. You're always berating me and not appreciating me the way that the people appreciate me. I would appreciate you if you would pay attention to your family. I wouldn't have to pay so much attention. You know what? I'm going to my dad's house." "Well, go." Why y'all mad? That sounds like a real argument. I don't know how it went down, but here's what I do know. She left, and she was not there for most of his biggest moments.
Can I, can I stretch it just a little bit? And without her, he ended up making a mistake so large, getting angry at the people and striking the rock when God told him to speak to it, that he did something that disqualified him from his destiny. He never got to take the people in. And this is just Stephen, but I'm just wondering if she was there and she was able to calm him down, would they have been able to walk into their destiny together? Or did the enemy ultimately win by bringing division?
I'm telling you, this marriage thing is bigger than we're making it out to be. And we out here trying to secure the bag and trying to get this degree and trying to get this and get the kids there and the kids there. And the devil's like, "You could do all of that because if I destroy this, I can always keep you back." So, what I want to do, I'm going to give you just three thoughts. Three thoughts of these are the three windows in your life that the enemy likes to climb through. There is a thief, you've got to lock the window. And I'll say it in the message, but let me say, most of these windows, he climbs in when you're single. So, don't take this as this is a married folks message. Most of the damage the enemy does to a marriage, he does it before you ever say, "I do."
You ready? Come on. Check on your neighbor. Make sure they're okay. Tell them, "It's a little test. You okay?" Come on. Just proof of life. Just pro. Get a little laugh out of them. Get a little bit of a, going to be much laughter the rest of the day. So, you might as well. Watch this. All right. First one is this. The picture is distorted. The picture. The picture. The picture is distorted. The first way that the enemy attacks marriage is he distorts your perception, your picture. He takes what God intended it to be and he gives you a negative perspective of it.
I said last week, man, if you see me out in public, come say hi. I absolutely love people. God walked up to me yesterday, said, "Man, you said to come say hi." And I said, "Hi," and all that. Now, I got to give some clarification. When, when you do see me out in these streets, come say hi. But there's one thing don't do. Don't, don't call me short when you roll up on me. Don't be like, "Man, you're taller than I thought you were." Cuz then I'm going to say your mama, and then you going to get offended, and let's just, let's not even do that. Everybody comes up to me, they all say two things. One thing is, "You're taller than I thought you were. You seem shorter on the screen." Calm down. Okay. The second, I don't know why people ask me. The second thing they ask me is, "Are those glasses real?" They're like, "Are you just trying to be cool, or are those really glasses?" I took these off last service, and somebody on the front row like, "They real thick." That's why I don't mess with y'all. These are not fashion. I am legally blind. It always cracks me up cuz people like, "Pastor, I feel like you were looking right at me when you were preaching. Were you looking at me?" I can't see you. Even if I'm looking in the general vicinity, it's not you. I just know somebody's there. I, I didn't wear glasses my whole life. Probably wearing about seven years or so. My wife made me get them cuz we'd go out on date night in DC on Wednesday night, and and I'd miss exits. I'm just driving, "Babe, that was our exit." "Don't worry, I'll get the next one." Miss that one, too. And she got frustrated. She's like, "You're." And the truth is, I couldn't see. I like that, like four hands. That's happening. When you can't see, you drive in the wrong direction. The wild thing is, when you can't see, you drive in the wrong direction intentionally. And without even realizing it, the enemy has distorted our vision for what marriage is all about. And unfortunately, as the church, we've kind of helped the enemy in his job.
There's three things that culture, that that the enemy really tells you that marriage is for. The first thing that the enemy tells you marriage is about is sexual fulfillment. And and what's wild is the church kind of pushes this message around. "When you get married, you will have consistent," somebody say consistent. Consistent sexual encounters when you get married." And then the church says, "Wait for marriage. Wait for marriage. Wait for marriage. Wait for marriage. Wait for marriage. Wait for marriage." By the way, wait for marriage. But the church tells you to wait for marriage so much that it almost sounds like that's the only thing that marriage is about. That's marriage means boy swinging from the chandeliers. And now I got this dream. Boy, when I get married, it's on like Donkey Kong. I mean, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Let's go. And then you get married, and them flannel pajamas come out. You're like, "What are those?" "It's cold outside." "I don't care." And then you'll hear something worse than curse words: "I've got a headache." "What do you mean you got a headache?" "Well, come let me lay hands on you and I will heal that." But what the enemy tries to do is he tries to boil marriage down to sex. And then some people are like, "Well, sorry. Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt. I'm not going to put up with all the drama in marriage if that's the only benefit." Come on now. Or now I'm in a marriage, and the encounters are not what I thought they were, not what I dreamed about, or not what I fantasized about. And now I feel like it's an excuse to step out because what I've boiled marriage down to is not the reality of what I've walked into.
The, the second lie, and if, if you watch these, you, you'll find these are just the second lie. They tell you is that marriage is all about money. That, that, that, that if you get married, you'll never have a financial concern. Matter of fact, marriage is a key for economic empowerment. They came with this phrase, DINKs, double income, no kids. Boy, you, you, you get married, y'all got two incomes coming in, y'all going to be balling out of control. This is one of the lies of the enemy that he, he really perpetuates on women. Tries to tell women, "Well, you can't provide for yourself, and and you need to get married to to be able to provide for yourself and have money." But what you do not realize is he's flipping the script on you because he's trying to tell you that marriage is all about money. And now that you have your own money, you're like, "Why would I put up with that foolishness when I could provide for myself?" And what he did was he tricked you into boiling marriage down to something that it was not about. So now people are like, "I got my own money. I don't want to be married." Hey, it's more than money. Others of us are like, "I know married folks who are broke." So apparently that didn't work.
The third one the church really, really pushes. The enemy will tell you that marriage will give you unconditional love. "When, when you get married, you're going to find somebody who will love you for who you are." Ladies, can I tell you what that man's name is? Jesus. Jesus is the only man who will love you for who you are. The rest of us, now your breath stinks. Okay, you need to go get some mint and brush your teeth. I will love you more when you brush your teeth. But right now, no, no, no. We have God expectations of broken humans. And, and we get this confused because our goal is to be like Christ. So our goal is to love people unconditionally. But hear me, we are not Christ. So we will always fall short. So he paints this picture that marriage is this unconditional love. And then you marry somebody that you think you're going to love unconditionally. Then they breath stinks. Their toes are kind of funny, and they say something in math that makes you upset. And next thing you know, you're like, "I can't stand you." And now we want to split because our marriage has lost love. Watch this. When love was never the foundation of marriage.
Can, can we clean up some misnomers? Love is not the foundation of marriage. And some people are trying to bail on their marriage because we don't love each other anymore. Can I tell you something wild? You fall out of love with Jesus if you can't unconditionally love the perfect one. How do you expect to unconditionally love the broken one? And watch this. Jesus knew you would fall out of love with him. That's why he wrote in scripture, "You've forgotten your first love." And when he told them they forgot their first love, he gave them a pathway back to fall in love with him. He said, "Go back and do the things that you first did when you first fell in love." Which means if I lose love, I can get it back. All I got to do is go back and do the things that. What did we do when we first fell in love? Well, we fell asleep on the phone until 3:00 a.m. And I would laugh at all the things that irritated me. And I would see the best side of them and not the negative side. We would try to spend every living second together. And we wouldn't talk about what was negative. We would celebrate what we had in common. Well, go back to doing that, and you'll get the love back again. Y'all are right. Love is not the foundation of marriage.
Then what is the foundation of marriage? Y'all ready for this? Covenant. Amen. I'll give you a verse, but let me explain. It is not love. Covenant is a commitment. Here, here's Stephen Chandler's definition of covenant: "I'm making a commitment to you. When all of the emotions and the feeling of my decision are gone, I will not change my mind." Covenant is not about puppy love. It's not about "you give me butterflies." It's when you give me indigestion. Let me read the Bible for you. Malachi chapter 2:14, "Yet you say, 'For what reason?' Why? Why would I want this? Because the Lord has been a witness between you and the wife of your youth. He, he said, 'By the way, the wife whom you dealt treacherously with.' He said, 'You ain't even treating her right right now. Yet she is your companion.' Here's what God said, 'And your wife by covenant.'" But did he not make them one? Watch this. Having a remnant of the spirit. Marriage is not a preacher standing in front of two humans and saying, "I now pronounce you man and wife." Marriage is the Holy Spirit descending and literally fusing two souls together. I'm getting trouble. All we hear about is single conferences and all that. Soul tie. Soul tie. Soul tie. You got soul tie. You know soul ties are from God. Soul ties is a spirit of God merging a married couple together and giving them a bond that only the spirit of God can bring that positions us for supernatural acceleration. Proverbs 18:22, "He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord." When you get married, the spirit of God breathes on that thing and supernaturally accelerates every single area of your life. Somebody say amen.
Can I then just for a second? It is so difficult to preach to married folks with singles in the room because there's this oversensitivity in this culture today that if something is not my experience, I don't want you to talk about what's best because it makes me feel bad. But if we don't do that, we'll miss what God created, and then that desire for it goes away. There is nothing wrong with being single. You're not a secondhand citizen. God is for you. He is opening doors and he has great plans for your life. Somebody say amen. However, the Bible says, "If one can chase a thousand, two can chase tens of thousands." And there's a favor and acceleration through matrimony. Y'all are right.
Number two, write this down. No one is traveling light. No one is traveling light. No one is traveling light. The first way the enemy tries to steal, destroy your union is by giving you an unrealistic view of what marriage is. The second thing that the enemy does is he puts marriage destructive tendencies in your life. Y'all ready for this? From the age of five years old, and I'm just making numbers up, but here's my point. He puts things inside of you to destroy marriage before you even thought about marriage. Because the enemy does not play fair. And he says, "I'm going to take advantage of you before you even know what your destiny looks like."
My wife and I, we've been married for 13 years. It's been the best eight years of her life. And, um, that was not funny, but it was funny. So, when we first got married, you, you know how it is. You go on your honeymoon, you have the wedding, and at some point, you take everybody's stuff and you put it in one house. Some of y'all have your friends do it because y'all have good friends. We ain't had good friends, so we had to do it after we come back. So, we get back from our honeymoon. I had a townhouse, so she moves in. So, she brings this big old U-Haul. And you go through, "Whose stuff are we going to keep?" So, there's two kitchen tables. Hers was better, so we threw mine out. There were two sofas. Mine was definitely better, so we threw hers in the trash. There were two TVs. She had this little box TV. I had this big old picture. I said, "We hope we use my TV." What we did not anticipate is we had two dogs. She had this small little poodle. And I'm not going to get too much trouble. Let me just say, it's just not the type of dog a grown man should be seen walking. I said what I said. I'm from Baltimore, y'all. I don't know what kind of dog I had. It had a little bit of pit bull, a little bit of lab, a little bit of German, just a little bit of crazy. It was, it was a man's dog. That's what I know. It was a man's dog. You don't mess with that dog. So, we get back home. Literally landed at the airport. Our parents were keeping our dogs for her. She goes to our mom's house, grabs her dog. I go to my dad's house, grab her dog. We come to the house, luggage in the car, we open the front door, we let the dogs in the house, go back to the car, come back into the house to hear World War II going on in the house. We come rushing in to find her dog in my dog's mouth. I'm like, "Next thing I know, my wife blacks out. She flies across the room. Next thing I see my dog in my wife's mouth." And I'm like, "Don't kill my dog." I ain't never. I, I knew I was in trouble when I saw her take that pit bull on. So we get the dogs separated, put her dog in this kennel, my dog in this kennel, and we find out our dogs hate each other. So for the next week, every time I feed her dog, my dog's in the kennel. Got to bring her dog out, have a little dog, eat a little kibbles, take the dog out to go to the bathroom, put the dog back, and then I got to bring my dog out. Every time I bring my dog out, it goes flying towards her kennel. I'm like, "No, your food is over here, not over there." We did this for about a week. It took us 45 minutes to get out the house to work because we got to take care of two different dogs. At about a week in, we said, "This is not working." Watch this. You brought something into this marriage that is trying to kill what I brought into this marriage.
Come on now, y'all. Y'all smart. Y'all can preach it yourselves. You brought something into this marriage that is trying to kill what I brought into this, and what we brought is not the marriage. It's just the baggage that we came with. And now we want to say dumb stuff like, "We're not compatible," or "We've lost the love," or "We have different visions." No, you just brought a poodle. He brought a pimple, and that ain't going to work. So guess what we did? We kind of played our parents. She went to her mom and said, "You know, Mom, it's not working out. So, I'm gonna take the dog to the shelter." Now, we knew what the mom was going to do. To mom, "Oh, no. Mama had the dog for the next 10 years." And then I went to my dad's house and I, I fed him the same story. "Dad, you know, Roxy was my dog. Roxy ain't going to work out trying to kill Z's dog. And we got to take Roxy." He's like, "No, I love my dad had that dog for the next 10 years." My dad heard this first message, so he was offended, but he'd be all right. Some of y'all brought into your marriage something that is going to kill something in your spouse, and you need to take it back to your mama's house where you got it and leave it the exact place you picked it up and say, "I'm sorry, but I can't bring this. I know you, I know you gave me anger. I know you gave me insecurity. I know you gave me selfishness. I know you gave me this, but Mama, I got no offense. Mama, you can have it if you want. It belongs at the shelter, but you can have it if you want. But I can't bring this into this house because it's going to kill the marriage that matters more."
All of all of us have brought something into a marriage that is like oil and water with our spouse, and it's not you, it's not them. It's some baggage you got to drop. So your parents taught you to yell and scream. So when you get upset, you yell and scream. But his parents taught him to avoid arguments. So you yelling and screaming, he's running. That ain't gonna work. He grew up poor and he made a vow, "I will never lack another day in my life." So now fear is driving him to work and work and work. And in America, we call it entrepreneurship. Is that what it is, or is this bondage and fear? So he's providing, but you grew up in a household where money wasn't an issue. They were just always gone. So what you value the most is time. The one thing he has none of because he's trying to provide. And now your poodle and his pimple are getting ready to kill each other.
Come on now. And now you believe the lie that you'll be happier by yourself. No. Take that poodle back where you got it from. Come on now. Because we went and bought a dog that we both like, and it was only one dog, so we had no one to kill. No. No. When you get married, we're building a new tribe, a new legacy, a new covenant. I'm not bringing old foolishness in. Song of Solomon chapter 2:15 says this, "Catch us the foxes, the little foxes that spoil the vines, for our vines have tender grapes." What, what does that mean? I don't have time to preach a whole thing. Song of Solomon is a love book. It's where a couple falls in love, they date, they get engaged, it gives you the honeymoon, gives you the wedding, gives you the first fight that they had. It's God's narrative of how marriage should work. Song of Solomon chapter 2 is when the girl and the guy, they were in love, all goooo gaga, and her brothers come in, and her brothers are not impressed with the guy, and her brother says, "You've got to find the foxes." What did he say? He said, "There's little issues in your life that's going to destroy that marriage," and there's little issues in his life. He said, "I know you're in love, but where are the foxes that are going to destroy the whole field?" It is your job to find the foxes in your soul that is going to ruin the marriage that you've always dreamed of.
Can I give you three quick steps? First one, you got to discover what, what do I got to heal from? What, what do I got to drop? Well, well, well, my daddy did it that way. And how did that work for him? Leave it where you found it. Come on now. So, first one is just, here's the second one, and can I keep it a buck? I think it's the biggest part of marriage. Acknowledge your foxes. One of the most healing things in a marriage is when you're willing to say, "I'm not perfect." But not this flippant, "I'm not." But be specific. "I avoid arguments. Man, I, I've got an anger issue." And, and here's what happens when you acknowledge your issue. Now, you set your spouse up to be able to love you in spite of your issues. You put them in a position of, "You know what, you're not perfect, but I'm not going to walk out on you. I'm not going to abandon you. We're going to fight through this together." But watch this. When you don't acknowledge your issues, they have to. And when they do, you get defensive because everybody gets defensive when the sentence is, "Well, you, that's the end of the." You tracking with me? And then what you do is you flip it back on them. So they say, "Hey, you have an anger problem." "Well, you always," say about them, watch this. It may be true. It just wasn't the topic of the conversation. But we deflect and won't admit that. But, but, wait, you know what? "I ain't had a job in four years. Yeah, I might be lazy." If you say it, they don't have to. And now they can say, "Well, I still love your lazy tail. And, okay, what we going to do about it?" So, watch this. Now, we're both working on my healing. Come on now. Instead of them beating me over the head with it and me lashing out on them, the Bible says in James 5:16, "Confess your trespasses to one another and pray for one another that you may be healed." The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man. Come where my King James folks at? Hear me. Marriage is not perfect, but marriage is healing, or it is damaging. It all depends on how you look at it. The word of God heals.
Last thing is this. Write this down. Me will kill the power of we. So here's the three attacks of the enemy on the marriage. I'm going to give you a distorted view of marriage so you can never be satisfied, no matter what you do. I'm going to make sure that you bring in destructive tendencies into your marriage that divides it so you don't have a chance. And if none of that works, when you get into the marriage, I'm going to make sure that you are obsessed over you, not us. And I'm going to get you to fight for your own dreams, your own individuality, your own destiny. I'm going to speak fear into you that you are losing yourself. And I'm going to drive division where the only power is unity.
Let, let me, let me, Genesis 3:1, it says this. "The snake was the most intelligent of all the wild animals that the Lord God had made. And he said to the woman, 'Did God really say that you shouldn't eat from any tree in the garden?'" That's a, the enemy is always trying to distort what God said. Now, I told this joke at the first service, and they got really upset. The joke was that women ruined the world. Yeah. And nobody laughed. It's still funny. Joking partially. What? What is it? It said, "Adam, Eve, don't touch the tree." Satan offers Eve an apple. Eve bites the apple. Sin enters the world. The world literally was ruined at the biting of that apple. But watch this. Women did not ruin the world. Individuality did. It would have still been ruined if Adam ate the apple. You know what ruined the world? It's not man or woman. It's that they made a decision without talking to their spouse. God said, "I put you together because it's not good that you're alone." Because her strength is your blind spot, and his strength is your blind spot. And if you allow him to watch your back and you watch her back, y'all will be undefeatable. But if you insist on making up your own mind and doing your own thing, and he's doing his own thing, you open a door for the enemy to step in. So here's what I've got to do. I've got to fight for unity because the number one thing the enemy wants is division.
This is just for fun. This ain't got nothing to do with the message. 1 Corinthians 7:5, "Do not deprive each other of sexual relations." They got nothing to do with the message. I'm just trying to help the fellas out. Unless you both agree. And all the men said, "We don't agree." Nope. No agreement. To refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so that you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Pray 21 is over. So there's no need for this verse at all. We're done with prayer. All that for this verse five at the end. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won't be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control. God said, "In every area of your life, don't separate too long." Because he said, "Wherever there is division, you've opened a door for the enemy to step in." And some of us, our mama taught us, "When you go in that marriage, don't let him run over you. Don't, don't you put down your dreams."
Don't put down your goals. No, DON'T DON'T DON'T DON'T DON'T DIE TO WHO YOU ARE.
WAIT, I thought the Bible says no greater love has this than Mel lay down his life. >> Come on now. And now we in there. I'm looking out for me. She's looking out for her. The enemy got us on two different >> stay out of trouble. >> And then my mama taught me that if he don't want to do it, well, I'm the factory shut down. Until you act right, we ain't open for business. >> Well, the Bible knew who your mama was, so he make sure to put in there. Don't do that. >> No, we're going to value unity over everything else. So, three quick cleavage for unity, and we're going to be out of here. You ready?
Number one for this, a word that we don't like in church, but it's going to save your marriage. Compromise. What What What's compromise mean? It means I'm all right not always getting my way. Sometimes you get your way some pastor Z. She said your interview is coming up. I want to go to Dubai. I'm like compromise. Let's go to Detroit. Compromise. It's a city. Got tall buildings. It starts with a D. Basically the same thing, right? I knew that one would get me in trouble. What? What? What? What's compromised? This is what Yeah.
Any bro, you remember being newly wed when the old married folks at church used to say dumb stuff like like don't go to sleep angry. Bro, we ain't never going to sleep. I'm And Z and I like we actually took that to law. So first year of marriage, we up at 3 in the morning. Bro, what do you think? I don't even remember WHAT WE ARGUING ABOUT. I'M TIRED. I'm tired, too. We going to bed. No, this is something that you need to hear. You're not always going to agree. >> Not every argument is going to have a resolution. AND COMPROMISE IS THIS. WATCH THIS. I don't agree, but because YOU FEEL STRONGER ABOUT IT THAN I do, we'll go with your way. WATCH THIS. WITH A GOOD ATTITUDE. That ain't you can have your way, but I'mma soak walk seven feet behind you the entire time. No, because what? Next time I may feel strongly about something and you may disagree, but we GOING TO DO IT MY WAY. >> THAT that's compromise. So, step number one to having unity in marriage is compromise. Can I give you step number two?
>> DON'T FEEL STRONGLY ABOUT EVERYTHING. >> Come on now. Some of y'all ready to fight to the death over what type of cereal we're going to buy this morning. You going to leave a cereal out. IT'S GOING TO BE STALE BY TONIGHT. Let it go. If they want to buy a red car and it's their car, I hate red cars. BUY THE BLACK CAR. IT'S NOT YOUR CAR. You're going TO DRIVE IT TWICE. YOU GOT YOUR OWN CAR. LET THEM BUY THE RED CAR. AND YOU KNOW WHAT? FOUR MONTHS FROM NOW, YOU WON'T EVEN REMEMBER. And you didn't talk to EACH OTHER FOR THREE NIGHTS over something that you ain't gonna remember four months from. Come on. What What a little What a little Disney prophet say. Let it go. Let it go. No, you don't get to feel strongly about everything. >> Feel strongly about your faith. >> Feel strongly about how you love your family. >> And maybe pick one other thing. and then everything else. It's not that deep.
>> This one will mess you up. Pick unity over perfection. >> Oh, can I can I can I take a lead? And I This is where we'll end the message with heresy. >> This is Stephen Chandler's opinion, so you could disagree all you want. I think God honors unity more than he honors the right decision. And I'm not talking about morality or sin or anything like that. But whether we should buy this house, whether we should take this job, whether she should do this or do, I think God prefers us being on the same page more than he prefers us making the right decision. >> And my Bible says he can make all things work together for my good. So even if it's the wrong decision, but we are on the same page, we've got the favor of God, and Jesus going to work it out. >> Matthew 18:19. And again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth concerning anything that they ask, it will be done for them by my father. And for where two or three are gathered together in my name, I am there in the midst of them. You can play. That is what the devil is attacking. >> That you don't have to go to church to live under an open heaven. All you've got to do is have agreement in your home. >> That's good. Well, can I be single and find somebody have agreement? You can. It's just not covenant. There's something about a married couple that says we know what God's called us to. We're not perfect people, but we've got vision. We're in unity. God breathes on that. God blesses that. God accelerates it. And all of a sudden, we got kids growing up in a home that got the favor of God and acceleration of God. And all they've known is God breathing on their parents. What do you think they're going to look for when they grow up? That is what the enemy is after. And that's what we must protect.
Father God, we're grateful. We're thankful for your grace, for your mercy. We are grateful that when we are weak, that's when you're strong. Right? You're there with your eyes closed, your head bowed, if you could pray this prayer with me. Say, "Holy Spirit, what are you saying to me?" And just give God a moment to make this time to make this message personal to you. Here's the reality. The Bible said a threest strand cord is not easily broken. Which means whether it's marriage, whether it's health, whe whatever you're trying to do, you cannot do it without Jesus. Effort will not take you any further. You need the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords in your life. So all over the room watching online, wherever you find yourself, if you'd be honest enough to say, I can't say that Christ is the center. Maybe you just got distracted and busy and without even realizing Jesus is no longer the center of who you are. Well, today's the day to make that shift, to make that change. All right, where you're sitting, if you say, "Pastor, I need Jesus." Pray this prayer with me right where you stand. Pray this prayer. Say, "Lord Jesus, today's the day I'm getting my life back in proper priority, putting you first. I believe you died on the cross. You shed your blood. That my sin, my mistakes can be erased. And in response, I surrender. I give you all of me. Be my Lord. Be my Savior in Jesus name. Amen. And amen. Come on.