Transcription
Well, I'm glad you folks are in a great mood tonight. Our first guest is one of the funniest men working in television today. He is the anchor of Weekend Update on the popular Saturday Night Live program. Please welcome Norm Macdonald!
[Applause] [Music]
How you doing?
I'm doing good.
Oh, that's all right. I'm just slow.
That's okay. Happy New Year.
But Happy New Year. Thank you very much for being here.
Yeah. You don't mind if I ask you a question? I'm here today. I hear this story and others like this. Press release, so you get your ass fired? Is that...
Yeah. No, you didn't get fired.
Yeah, they fired...
No, they didn't fire him. No.
I'm serious. I talked to a guy that said I'm fired.
Fired from your television job?
From on the weekend. You know, I do the news, the Weekend Update. Yeah. I do the jokes sometimes. Many times.
The best part of the show.
Yeah, but, uh, it's all a matter of opinion. That's your opinion. That's my opinion. You know, but then the guys that can fire me, that's not their opinion.
Now, why would they fire you?
Well, uh, I fired you. First of all, let's get some names here. Let's get this on the record.
Well, I don't know the guys like. Because the guys I work with, I, Lauren Michaels and stuff.
Did Lauren Michaels fire you?
No, he did. He didn't fire me. He likes me and stuff.
Well, it's his show, isn't it?
I, I thought it was for sure. Yeah.
Well, then how can a guy come in from the outside and fire you? Somebody from ABC fired...
No, no, they're NBC. What happens is, you work on the show, and then there's these guys that hang out like in the halls. Yeah, we got them here. We got them here. And they're called Executives. They're NBC Executives, right? And then I'd see him. I didn't know who the hell they were, what they did. You know, now I know what they do. They fire me for a Weekend Update. But, uh, they, they, they said that this guy, Don Olmeyer, turns out to be the president. Yeah. Now I know Don Olmeyer. And just between you and me, is an idiot.
Oh, so I wouldn't take it seriously if this guy fired you. You may still have a job.
You never know. I'd wait for some paperwork.
Yeah. I, I phoned him, you know.
Oh, you had to phone? You had to phone him to pick up your messages from about...
Oh, man. So I said, "Hey, you don't know what to say." You're like, "Hey, how's it going there?" You know, you're trying to talk about something else. Yeah. Did you have a turkey there for the thing or whatever? And then so he goes, uh, "Oh, yeah. I'm, uh, I'm firing you there from the show." And then I, I said, "Oh, that's not good." Yeah. And then I said, "Why is that?" Now. And he goes, "Oh, you're not, you know, you're not funny."
And then I said, uh, I said, "Holy Lord, that's even worse news." You know, because it's not, I don't got nothing to fall back on.
He's a good man. He just fired you. What do you mean he's a good... What is wrong with you? You quizling! Stop that!
I don't know what quizling means. Thank you. But I, I mean, to me, like, you know, you have to be philosophical about these things. I mean, at first, like, when I found out, you know, I was upset. But then, you know, I, I really started to, I started to think about it, you know. And plus, I drank a lot of whiskey. And I, and then afterwards, yeah, like that. But then the next day, I sobered up and I remembered, uh, you know, that, uh, I still had some whiskey left.
But now, now Norm, I, a far be it for me to tell you how to lead your life or your career, because Lord knows you've been very, very successful. But if the guy says to you, "We don't want you on the Weekend Update," and that's like your signature piece, you're, you're kind of like the anchorman, not only of that segment, but of the entire Saturday Night Live show. If things aren't going great, they give the ball to you. You're the damn quarterback, Norm. You're the one who punches it over the goal line for pay dirt.
[Applause]
If he says, "We don't want you on the Weekend Update," I'd adios. Absolutely. Hit the dirt. Come on over here to CBS. We'll get you a nice show. We'll put you, we'll put you to get a nice show for you. All right. You're no quizling.
I never, I've never been called that.
Well, now, will you stay on the, on the rest of the show?
Yeah, I'm gonna say, like, I do also, uh, other than doing an update, I do like sketches, but like I stink in those. So, uh, you know.
He thinks I'm funny enough. Yeah.
Oh, it's just the Weekend Update. He doesn't think you're funny.
Yeah, he doesn't think I'm funny in Weekend Update. And, uh, uh, God only knows. I mean, you know, he, it's just a matter of opinion. He also thinks that O.J. is innocent.
Exactly. Exactly. Don't, don't let this pinhead push you around for heaven's sakes.
Now, he's not a pinhead. He's a, uh, he's a, he's a fat guy.
There we go. Now, come on, Norm. Let's go. Let's get a little heat on here.
Now, it's funny when you don't like a guy just because he's fat, you know what I mean?
No, it has nothing to do with him being fat.
No, it doesn't have anything to do with him being fat. You don't like it because he's a dope.
No, no. It's just a, you know what I've always said is, uh, I've said comedy is subjective. I never really said that. I said, I usually say whiskey is good.
But, but Norm, you're, you're very, very funny. You're, you're like the strength of that franchise.
Well, do you know any guys over there you can give a call to?
Well, yeah. Well, they're going to take a call from me. You're lucky. They took your call so they could fire you. Are you kidding?
Ah, right there. Are you getting some support from the rest of the cast members?
Well, you know, the, the people on the cast, like they go, uh, you know, when you work at a place, you know, some people like it, some people hate you. But, oh, yeah. You don't even tell me that. So, you know, people come up to you and go, "Oh, man, I'm sorry." And then, uh, either they, they're sorry or they're not sorry. Yeah. That's right. So how the hell do you know?
No, you don't really know. But you can tell.
Well, sometimes you can tell. Like, you walk into a room and then everybody will stop talking. And then so you go, "Hey, were you just talking about how you were glad I got fired from the Update?" And they go, "No, no, we were talking about, uh, hats."
Let me go back to this, and I don't want to embarrass you again. But if, if Lauren Michaels, the guy who created the show, the guy who's kept the show in business all these years, it's his show, Mr. Big Shot, Mr. Table at Orso's, Lauren Michaels, why doesn't he step in? Why doesn't he throw himself in front of this gorilla to save your job? What's going on there with that?
It sounds to me like he's a quizling.
He is. He... Well, it's what it sounds like. Maybe we can get a dictionary at the break. But, you know what I'm saying? This is the...
Didn't Lauren Michaels hire you?
Yes, he did. And then who ought to be able to fire you?
Lauren Michael.
Right. So where was he? Did he fire you?
No, he didn't fire him. But he's like your buddy, right?
Your buddies? Yeah. He's a good man.
And what did he say to you? You've been very supportive of him.
Well, I guess not. [Laughter]
What did he say to you?
He said to me, he says to me, he says, he said, "Look, Norm, this is the deal." He said, "I want you to stay on as Weekend Update."
Oh, good. Well, there you go. Well, great. So you got the job back. That's good news.
Not a boy. Congratulations. Hang on. Stay right there. Think about it. We're going to get this straightened out. All right, Norm. Good to see you, buddy. We'll be right back here with Norm Macdonald.
[Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music]
One MacDonald is here from Saturday Night Live. Peta Wilson from La Femme Nikita. Spread. You ever seen these strep people? Oh, they're great. They're going to change your life. But he got there, normally looked up Quizlet. Yeah, I looked at him. Yeah. And also, there's, do you know what quizmaster means? Yeah. I feel like Alex Trebek. Yeah. Yeah, I knew that. No, quizling is a master of ceremonies on a game show. Quizling is a traitor who serves as the puppet of the enemy occupying his country. Exactly. That's what I'm talking about. Thank you very much. You, sir, are no quizling. I thought I was dumb when I didn't know what quizling was. I think I'm even dumber now because I still don't know.
So now, Norm, a couple of things come to mind here. This seems so preposterous to me, so unfathomable, so unreasonable, that I'm guessing, oh, it's like a stunt, like a publicity stunt, like big time wrestling or something. Is that that kind of deal where you and Don Olmeyer have a feud? You'll wrestle on the show or something for your job? One of those deals?
No, no, no. How good? I'm kidding. I'm funny. And yet you like the man. Sure. I mean, you know, here's, here's what a lot of people don't think I'm fine. Enjoy your complimentary beverage. Now, tomorrow night, it ain't risky, but it's good. Now, there's a great song. Now, tomorrow night, tomorrow night, come back on the show or Friday night, come back on the show and do Weekend Update. You can do Weekend Update here. You can be the Weekend Update guy on this show.
That'd be great. Yeah. There you go. Who's, who's taking your place on the Weekend Update?
I don't know. Apparently, they had some press release today, but I don't, I don't read the papers.
Which is that wasn't good either.
No. Not if you're in charge of Weekend Update. You just blatantly admit that you don't know what's going on.
I did too many Nixon jokes. Yeah. I'll tell you one thing. I'll tell you who's taking your place. Nobody can take your place. Oh, McDonald. That's what I think.
You don't seem to be taking this too hard. You seem to be taking it pretty well.
Well, I mean, I don't know because, uh, if so, if somebody doesn't like you, then, and they, uh, own the joint, you know, that's fine. I mean, I don't know why would you want to work in that atmosphere? Why wouldn't you want to take a hike and say, "Well, I'll show you. I'll take my little Weekend Update someplace else and bury you punks." I don't know. I guess I'm a damn quizling or something.
[Applause]
I hope you land on your own. But you're going to be in part of the show anyway, right?
Yeah, I'll be doing, you know, nice things. Yeah, I'll be, you know.
Now, I find a hilarious impression of me. You'll be doing that, I guess. Why didn't they fire that?
What they do is, they, uh, that, now they're saying, "Oh, we're putting a whole bunch of sketches," which I don't want to be in because, of course, then they're like, "Here, you're the scientist." And, uh, uh, you, you, uh, you're the scientist in charge of monkey boy or something.
[Laughs]
And, uh, you know, and then I'm like running in, going, "Hey, uh, cheerleaders, what's going on? Uh, I haven't seen monkey boy." That ain't a bad sketch, though. That ain't bad. That's got possibilities.
Um, how's everything at home? Your mom all right?
Oh, yeah. You get to see your mom much?
Uh, she came to visit me in New York. You know, that's nice. And she's, uh, real sweet. You know, she, she doesn't know much about show business, you know, but she always tries. She knows I'm in show business. I mean, she's until tonight. So she always tries to give me like the show business news. I remember like a couple of years ago, she phoned me up, she goes, "Oh, my God, have you heard the news? Liza Minnelli's a phony." And that was their like story. Liza Minnelli's a phony. And I thought, "How can that be like a story?" Like, uh, "Yeah, I'm sure she probably is a phony, you know, but how would that be a scoop?" And then, like, it took me a while to figure out she was talking about them.
I remember Milli Vanilli. Yeah. Oh, oh, she's like in that stuff, you know. She must be very excited and proud, though. I mean, because you work with big, big stars. Like you've worked with, I know you've worked with Bill Cosby.
Oh, yeah. Bill Cosby, man. He was, he's my favorite guy ever since I was young. And I got to open for him at this comedy thing, and he was the greatest. I got to meet him and stuff. And, you know, when you meet these guys, it's so, like, you know, you're a shock or something, you know, because you can't believe you're talking to this guy. And, uh, and, uh, so I told him, I said, "You know, he's always funny. He has that funny way of talking." So I go, "Hey, hi, nice to meet you, Mr. Cosby." And he goes, "Yes, yes." I go, "Oh, man, I go, you're my favorite, you know. And ever since I was a little kid, I always listen to. You're my dad's favorite comedian ever, you know." And he goes, "Now, where is your dad from?"
Yeah, yeah. That's pretty good. All right, that's pretty good. Maybe I'll do them this week on the show. So, so I tell it to me, you know, I say, "Oh, my dad's from Ottawa." So he turns to his buddy, Ben, is his manager or something, and he goes, "Ben, this isn't, we got the Ottawa, you know." And then goes, "Yes, we are playing Ottawa soon." Ben understands, right? Cosby says, and, uh, he goes, "Yes, Mr. Cosby, we are, uh, we do have a gig in Ottawa and coming up." And, uh, he goes, "What is your father? Give me a paper." So he gets a favor. And he goes, "Here. Now write your father's name on the paper." Everything's funny. Is that if I said, "Hey, write your father's name on the paper?" No, it's not. No. Sarah. So he goes, and the pen, the man needs the band, you know. So I got the pen and the paper, you know. So I'm right now, my father's a thing. And then all of a sudden, I realized that my father's dead.
Oh, man. So that way, I panic, you know. I'm in this situation. My dad's been dead eight, nine years. And I got the, the paper and the pen, you know. Yeah. And, uh, so I, I know Ottawa's area code, you know. So I write that. And then I'm just writing down, uh, like random numbers, you know. And then I go, "Here you go, Mr. Cosby. This is my father's still alive's number here." You know. And he's like, "I could get up." So I thought, "God, man, that's a stupid thing I did." You know. And, uh, then a couple weeks later, I get a call and it's Bill Cosby on the phone. And he's like, "I found the number." And he's so sweet. Like, it actually phoned my father's number. Like, what a great man, you know. Man. And he said, "The man does not live with the number." "The man answered." "Not your father." You know. So I'm like, "Uh oh." "I'm pretty sure because that didn't go..." "Oh, yeah. I forgot. I forgot he's been dead 10 years." Yeah. Yeah.
Oh, man. Uh, well, Norm, I hope we've been able to get you through your darkest hour. And that I hope you somehow find the will to carry on. And normally, this would be the time when we'd mention the show on Saturday night. But I'm so angry about this that I don't care about the show Saturday. And neither should you.
Oh. [Laughs] Good to see you, Norm. Thank you, man. More McDonald's. We'll be right back with Peter Wilson.
[Music] [Music] [Music] [Applause]
For five years, our first guest was the star of Weekend Update on Saturday Night Live. And then he got fired, which makes absolutely no sense to any of us here. He now stars in a brand new film entitled Dirty Work. It opens in May. Here he is, one of our favorites, Norm Macdonald.
[Music] [Applause] [Music]
Goes crazy. Thank you very much for being here.
Thanks, man. Welcome. Thanks for having me.
Yeah. You know what, Norm? The last time you were here, it was a traumatic, difficult situation because I believe it was like the day after you had been released, kind of undone, let go.
Yeah, it was that very day. That, oh, that very day. Yeah. [Laughter]
Well, how has it been since then?
Well, it's been weird, you know, like, uh, it's been weird because we're just fired, as it turned out, right? Yeah. They've, uh, yeah, I got fired. And then when I was talking to you on the show that day, because this guy Don Olmeyer fired me, and I didn't know the guy, you know. And, and you kept saying, like, "He's an idiot. He's a pinhead," you know, and stuff like that. And I would say, like, "He's a good guy." You know. And, uh, turns out you were right.
[Applause]
I'll admit when I'm wrong. I've never been happier to be right about something in my life. So, because I went and met with them, you know. I never... Wait a minute. After, after you get fired, you then have to go to a meeting with the guy?
Yeah, because, uh, I wanted to leave the show entirely, you know. I thought that would be the next thing, right? And so, uh, and then, you know, I sacked my, uh, all these guys that pay money to you, you know. And I go, "Hey, how about you guys, uh, figure out something there?" You know. And then they're like, "Well, we were talking to this one guy that said that he maybe could do, you know." And it took forever. So I said, "How about I just go talk to the dude that fired face to face?"
Well, I know I'm on it. Shows great courage, great class, grace, I believe.
Yeah, your part. Yeah, I'm a courageous, classy dude. Yeah. I say so.
So I go, I have to go to his office there. He lives in Hollywood, California, you know. And, uh, he's a big shot, this guy Don Olmeyer. Big shot.
Oh, yeah. One of these guys comes to, comes to work very early and spends most of the day selecting monograms, you know, that's what he does. Yeah. Yeah. So his office is like, I went to his office and, uh, it's this big office, you know. And then you go in there. I'm not used to these things, you know. I'm just a guy used to night clubs, smoking night clubs.
You're a hard-working guy.
Yeah. So, uh, I go in there and that guy, Don Olmeyer, there. So I go, "How you doing?" And we talk.
And how was that? Was it, was it cordial? Was it a bit icy?
No, it was, uh, uh, cordial. He gave me a lighter.
A gift?
Well, he's giving you what he had. A lighter, you know. And he goes, "Hey, I want a lighter." And then he gave me an umbrella. I don't know. I was like, "You get fired and you get stuff?" You're like, "Yeah, I'm gonna clock radio, a little later. Anything on the top shelf I could have?" So, uh, I just said to the guy, I said, "Listen, man, uh, uh, because I, I appreciate that you, you don't think I'm funny. That was the issue. That seemed to be the turning point."
Don Olmeyer, uh, didn't think you were funny.
Exactly. Right. Now, in your assessment of him in this meeting, is he a funny guy?
Well, it's not his job. His job is picking up them monograms. Yeah. But he fancies, he's one of these guys, he fancies himself creative, doesn't he?
Yeah. Well, I suppose. I mean, he, uh, yeah. Well, you know, I worked for Don Olmeyer when I was at NBC for years and years and years. And I, I know the guy. Yeah. And here's a guy who could not create gas after a bean dinner.
Laughs. That's not true. I witnessed that. No.
Now, he, the thing was, I said, "Okay, so you think I'm not funny. That's fine. You know, who cares?" Uh, but I said, "Why don't we just, I'll quit and leave the show, right? You keep your money because you don't have to pay money."
Yeah, exactly.
"And I'll, uh, go try to be funny somewhere else."
Perfect point. And then he didn't like that idea.
Why not?
I don't know. Because it seems to me that you, because, you know, there's other networks. There's CBS. Well, other networks, yeah. So my contention was, I thought he would love that idea because what better for his network than to have an unfunny guy on another note?
Exactly. That's right. He can't have it both ways.
You can have it both ways, apparently. He's a quizly.
Yes. No, no, no. But at least there are no quizlings in the picture now. When you were here before, I smelled a quizling.
The quizlings are gone. Yeah. They're gone. Yeah. Good for you.
And so, uh, so the way it stands now is, I can leave the show as long as I don't do anything else on any competing show, right?
Well, that stinks. How long will that last?
Uh, I, God, I don't know, man. It's as long as, uh, uh, as long contractually.
How long are you bound to them?
Um, I'm bound to them contract. It's all, you know, uh, a stuff that I don't, I'm not that familiar with.
But, but in the meantime, they are continuing to pay you, right?
Yeah, they pay me and I go to the show and hang out.
Being around your old friends on the show. Do they like having you there now or not?
Well, everybody's going on cry. Nobody wants, you know, everybody's uncomfortable and they'd be glad to see me go. And I'd be glad to see them see me go. And, uh, just this Don Olmeyer character, yeah, you know, I don't know. I don't know how this, you know.
What you should do, though, now, you should come here to CBS and get a show right here. You should come to CBS and make, make pretty boy, make Mr. Cufflinks, make Don Olmeyer. It is safe. I want to find out, Norm, how your family and friends are taking this. And we'll do that. We have to pause. We'll return visiting with Norm Macdonald, ladies and gentlemen.
[Applause] [Music]
Who invented the talking or water thing? Well, I would guess that one of the, the good things about this, you had some time off. If you're taking some vacation, have you gone and we're traveling?
Yeah, yeah. I went to, I wanted to get away from all the showbiz crazy showbiz. Yeah. So I decided I'd go on a vacation, you know. And I don't, uh, like to go to hotels because all my years of doing my nightclub act, I was, I don't like hotels. So I decided I'll go, you know, my buddy tells me, goes, "Hey, you should go in bed and breakfast." You ever hear yourself?
Yeah, sure. Yeah. The idea is you go there, it's a guy's house and you live in his room and then he makes some breakfast, right?
First, yeah. It's a thumbnail. Yeah. That's it. Sure.
So, uh, I, I looked one up on the internet there and I found one. I went to Vancouver Island, Victoria, which is beautiful. Wow. Yeah. It's God's country. And so I go there and, uh, I look up my place where I'm supposed to go. I have a little piece of paper and I knock on the door, right? And there's no answer. So I knock again. There's still no answer. So finally, I look like in the window there and there's no old man sleeping on a couch, you know. Yeah. So I bang on the door, ringing the doorbell, you know. So finally I hear like, "Hey, keep your pants down there, you know," from the inside. And he comes to the door, old guy, you know. But I'd say 80, 85 years old.
Old Harold Delaney. What's his name?
Harold Delaney. Yeah. Nice enough gentleman, you know. And so I got in there and I said, "Well, I better go to sleep. There's no one else there, you know. Like I'd be like a whole bunch of people in different rooms, you know." Yeah. And it was just me. So I grew up and I, I go to sleep. And I'm ready to go to sleep. And knock comes on the door, right? Uh, knock on the, on my bedroom door, right? So I figure, uh, "Oh, old Harold Delaney wants to have sex with me there."
And that's the first thought that went through your mind these days?
Yeah, traveling alone. And, uh, uh, of course, that's not, I didn't come to Victoria to have sex with a little Harold the land, you know. I can do some sights in, of course.
So Scrabble. Oh, Scrabble. Yeah. So I say, "Okay, that's good." Sure. "I'll play some Scrabble." So I go down and he pulls out this scrolled Scrabble game there and we start to play, you know. I like Scrabble, you know. So I get the first turn, you know, because I picked the lower letter. And so I get first turn. So I make "rabbit," you know, pretty good. It's a good word. And then, and then, uh, I do it. I do it pretty quick. I take like a couple of minutes. And then, oh, Harold Delaney, he takes like a half hour to like get his word. And the whole time he's not talking, he's not telling me whole story. So I like hearing old stories, you know. And instead, it was like for a half hour, just Harold Delaney. "Let's go."
So then, after a half an hour of that, you know, I'm just sitting there. He comes up with his word. It's a hat. That's his word. Yeah. So he puts it and he takes the word hat. And then he puts it like way in the corner on that triple letter score, right? The triple word, the red one, right? You want to get to. Yeah. Sure. Well, you can just put it there. Gotta have something, some relation to rabbits. Yeah. Yeah. You gotta move up there, you know. And instead, he just puts it right there.
Oh, no. So, uh, I go, "All right, you know, so that's my turn." You know, I do something and, uh, uh, quickly. And then again, the same thing, like, you know. And then time going by. And then every wordy and I was coming up with good words, you know. I had to slay, you know, a sleigh ride. And, uh, uh, avocado. There's a seven-letter word. You get 50 extra points. I'm still way behind him. Freelance on the board. Yeah. Yes. And so finally, I decided I'm gonna, like, I gotta say something. Sure. So he, and all his words were like cup and a hat. And I think it was just like things he'd see around the room. And so I'm playing excellently. I should be in the lead. But instead, I'm like a thousand points behind. And finally, I got, I gotta say something, you know. So he puts a boot, you know, out, uh, on this triple. And it really annoyed me because I was building towards the triple letter. And he just puts boot. And, uh, I said, it finally, I gotta say something here. And I go, "Hey, uh, old Harold Delaney there, uh, I don't know, you can't put boot there." And then he goes, "You never heard deliver boots?"
[Music]
And it just took him forever. And I think, and also, I noticed a weird thing. He had no, there were no blanks, you know, the blanks in the game. And it's always good to, you any letter, sure. I realize there's no blanks in this game. And I figured, old Harold Delaney must have, uh, when he got the game, figured.
Yeah. Now, how was, how was the, uh, how was the breakfast? This is, did you have the breakfast?
There was no breakfast. I got up the next day. I, I was so, uh, hungry from playing Scrabble all night. So he says, uh, "Hey, Harold, how you doing there? Uh, how about some breakfast?" And he goes, "I never been much for breakfast." [Laughter] It's like, I, uh, "Yes, I'll go down to McDonald's and pick up some breakfast or something."
Harold. And he goes, "Can you get me an Egg McMuffin?"
That's crazy.
Norm, you got a movie coming out here, Dirty Work.
Oh, yeah. Opening, uh, May 15th. So things are looking good for you.
Yeah, yeah. That's going to be a good movie. Good for you. You're landing on your feet, buddy. That's what I like to see.
Yeah. Nice to have you. Watch the movies.
[Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music]
Was the very popular, very, very popular star of the Saturday Night Live Weekend Update. We're always happy when he finds time and is scheduled to drop by and say hello. Here he is, they always amusing Norm Macdonald.
Thank you.
[Music]
Thank you. Very funny, Norm. I always enjoy your work. And I, I'm glad you're here.
Me too, man. You're the funniest dude in the world.
I'm not. I'm just, I'm just mediocre funny. And you got the thousand shows. 1,000 shows. You're really funny. And you'll always have that.
I'm just a dork, you know. Just a guy trying to make a buck.
All right. What have you been doing? What have you been doing? What's going on in your life? Take us through some of your, your activities, your life, your free time. So, you know, a couple hours with Norm Macdonald. I got a lot of free time now. And so, so what I did was, I returned to my first love, you know, dance. I returned to my first love, the stand-up comedy.
Oh, you're doing the stand-up. Good.
Yeah. I go around the country and a different smoky nightclubs and I do my jokes, you know. And that's great, you know. It's the, the, the doing the jokes is fun. But then the rest of the time.
Did you ever go on the road a little bit?
I didn't care for it.
You didn't have the stamina for it?
Yeah, it's rough, man. Because other than doing the stand-up, you just go to a town. You're basically like a drifter or something, you know. You show up, you hang around, and, uh, then you sit in your hotel watching the TV all the time, you know. And I love the TV, you know. But when you watch it all the time, just watch anything, you know. I saw, I watched an ESPN2. They got all the deuce. Yeah. Sure. And they got, uh, they got sports there that, you know, they're not, they're kind of weird sports. Like they got kickboxing. Yeah. You're gonna ask for it. Yeah. And that's an odd sport. What they do is they combine the style and grace of boxing with, uh, with kicking. Yeah. So it's kind of immature. A guy's blocking, all of a sudden he kicks the guy, you know. They're just shooting. You know, I think so. Yeah. And then also, what you do is you watch the try to get the pay movies there, you know.
Oh, yeah. Ever dial up any of the? You can get like first run features.
Yeah, yeah. I got, uh, I ordered Pulp Fiction, you know, that much. Sure. It's a gritty urban, uh, satire, you know. It said that on the little thing. I wouldn't have known. And so I said, "Yeah, I'll get Pulp Fiction." I heard great things about that. So I order it. And they sent me a different movie. A movie called by the name of Pump Friction.
No, what is it?
Well, it's different than Pulp Fiction, huh? Pulp Fiction is a gritty urban stepdad. Pump Friction is a, a bunch of, uh, dudes and ladies having dirty sex. And do you know? So there's a mix-up, obviously. Yeah. And it wasn't a bad movie, you know. It was actually, with those dirty movies, I find like they're good for about 15, 20 minutes. I'm really interested, right? And then, uh, there's one point that all of a sudden I'm bored, you know. I, I just lose interest completely. And I feel deeply ashamed. The human mechanism working there. I don't know what that is.
Uh, Norm, how's your family been with the recent, you know, situation with Saturday Night Live? You don't work there anymore.
Yeah, yeah. You're probably very proud when you had the job. And they don't know. I mean, how have they been? A bit supportive, I would think.
Oh, yeah. They're supportive. They, uh, my mom came to visit me, you know, here in New York City. And, uh, she, uh, she wanted to go to a Broadway play. That's her idea in New York. Broadway, you know, they got the Broadway plays. She comes out from, uh, Canada. Yeah. From Ottawa, Ontario, Canada. Yeah. And she's, uh, you know, she doesn't know like she's not a big city person like you and me. So she's like, she's like, "Oh, we gotta go see a Broadway play." So, but I didn't want it because the last time I, she came and visited, I took her to this Broadway play. And I never been to a Broadway play, you know. So I took her to this one. They had this one, "How to Succeed in Business Even If You Don't Really Care To," right? And, uh, I'd take her to that. No, sir. Jessica Parker. Sarah Jessica Parker. She wasn't there. They had some other lady. So, so we get in there. And I never been to a play. Oh, my God, it's horrible. You go in and, uh, you got to sit. They have little chairs. You're all crunched up. Costs like 90 bucks or something like that. And then you sit there, you watch it. And these dudes come in. They're all, uh, doing stuff, you know. And, uh, the thing is, like, you, and you kind of got to use your imagination a lot because they'll go like, "It's an office," right? Meanwhile, it's just a chair and a desk, you know. And then they have like maybe a window with like a fake moon behind it, yeah. It's, I guess it's nighttime. And, uh, it's like just hellish, you know. And then everybody's singing. Every time, you know. And singing and dancing around. And, uh, and it was about business. I don't know about the business world, you know. And so, uh, at one point, they're, uh, the, uh, coffee guy comes, you know, he's bringing in the coffee. And so then they all get excited because the coffee's coming. And so they're singing, "Oh, here's the coffee. We want to drink for coffee." You know. And, yeah. And my mom, she talks. She's used to just watching the TV. And so she doesn't know that you're not supposed to talk out loud. And so she's like, "The whole time she's like, 'Oh, good God, that's just like me. I, I have to have my coffee.'" And then I think the coffee machine broke. And then everybody went, "Oh, we out have our coffee." So it lasted forever. And like you're, you know, you're just watching this stuff and trying to imagine what it would really look like on the TV, you know. Takes like an hour and a half. And you go, "Okay, let's get the hell out of here." You go out. It's not, it's not over. It's intermission. You know, it's as you go out into this crowded foyer, just packed with people. They're all discussing it, you know. They're going, "Hey, remember the coffee there?" And I'm going, "Holy Lord." So I see, I see some dude that works there. I go, "Hey, listen, you got, you got that, uh, Nick Charlotte game on somewhere?" Because I knew that the Knicks were playing, uh, the Hornets there. And the guy, "No, no, sir. No, no." You know. And I go, "Anything, the sports tick or something like that?" He goes, "No, this is the theater." You know, it's all like snooty, you know. This is the, and V, like, you know, it's a theater. There's got a whole bunch. So then she, now when she came back, uh, I, I, you know, definitely didn't want to take her another breath. But, you know, it's my mom and everything. And she's got, "Oh, we gotta go see a brother Broadway play." And I go, "Yeah, yeah. Then, you know, the playoffs are starting and everything, you know." But so I go, "Okay, well, why don't we go to like, you know, Cats? I hear that's a good thing, you know." So I take her. Oh, you know, an interesting thing. We were going to Cats. We're walking down the street. And my mom stops in a donut shop. She likes eating donuts. And, uh, uh, she goes in to buy herself a cooler there. And I stay outside.
A cooler? A cooler is a type of the type of donut.
Kriller is the same as a cruller?
What did I say? I think he's a cooler. But I could be wrong as well. I don't know.
Well, maybe that's a curler. It's a curler. I'm pretty sure it's a curler. Yeah. No, because even on the thing, it says C-R-U-L and then over the U is like one of those things. Yeah.
So I said, uh, "Yeah, go get yourself a cooler." I waited. And she comes out. She goes out, "Oh, Norm. Oh, my God. You wouldn't believe it. She says, your friend David Letterman is in the donut shop."
Is that right?
And she thinks we're friends. You know, I don't know. I guess I told her we were friends. Yeah. We're sort of friends. I told her we're best friends. So, so she says, "Oh, he's in there." And I go, "Mom, man, David Letterman's not in a donut shop. You know, it doesn't make sense. And, you know, he's my best friend. I would know about, you know, if he was in a donut shop." So, uh, she says, "No, no, no. Just go say hi to him. He'll like to see you." So I go to the donut shop. And there's a dude sitting there. He's not you. Yeah. He's just some dude with like a late show t-shirt. And I think he was even like a Mexican guy or something like that. Could be. I, I guess. Yeah. And so I said, "Ah, man, that can't be David Letterman." Yeah. So I walk out. And I say, "Mom, you know, that, uh, that was him. But he's busy. You know, he don't want to be bothered by any of this." So anyways, we go to the Cats, you know. And, uh, this is something I've heard about for years. Cats. They're not around forever. Yeah. Is that what it is? I think yeah. And I go there. I go, "Crawler."
[Applause]
So, uh, I go to Cats. You're not, I don't know if I'm an idiot or if everybody else is an idiot. But it's probably me. No. Um, it's about cats.
It's about actual cats. Okay. So I said to the guy at halftime during the thing, I grew out and I say, "There's a dude working there. I say, 'Good God, man, that's about actual cats, right?'" So the guy goes, "Well, what the hell you expect? It says Cats." And I go, "I don't know. I thought it was like a symbolic symbolism, you know, what I mean? I mean, if you went to like Dog Day Afternoon and there's a bunch of dogs in the afternoon."
Exactly. Yeah. Listen, Norma, it's good to see you again. I want you to have a, a lovely summer and keep us posted as to what's going on, okay?
All right. Nice to have you with us. Hey, thanks for coming back.
[Applause]
You know, for many years, our first guest was the very, very funny and popular anchor of the Saturday Night Live Weekend Update. Now he's starring in a brand new motion picture entitled Dirty Work, and it opens June 12th. Here's Norm Macdonald.
Norm. All right, everyone.
[Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music]
Nice to see you. Welcome back.
Nice to see you. Huh? Too. Nice to see you too.
How's it going?
It's going all right. It's pretty good.
Hey, you're a movie star, buddy. How many films you've been in?
I've been in, I was, uh, in The People vs. Larry Flynt, as you know. I played one of the people, right? And, uh, that's about it. Yeah.
And now you have the, uh, you have the, uh, Dirty Work coming out. Yeah. And I saw, I saw a lot of the movie this afternoon. I haven't seen the entire movie because I couldn't, we couldn't get a copy. But, you know, I got some of it. It's very entertaining. Yeah. A lot of good people in it. Chris Farley, you know, it's very, when you see Chris Farley in in this film, it's just one of those things. You see that and, and for, and for a second, you know, mine placed through for a second, you think, "Oh, great. It's." And then you realize, "Oh, well, it's probably his last movie." But he's very well. I mean, I obviously, I know because last year it will be his last one. But he, but he's really funny. I mean, the guy is just naturally funny. And, uh, he was great. Uh, Jimmy Chasey in the films. Chevy Chase. And Don Rickles. Yeah. Okay. That's great.
Was he fun to hang around with him?
He was really fun. Like, we wrote, like, we just want him to insult people in the movie. So we just wrote these insults that I thought sounded like Don Rickles. And then he got there and he like insulted the insults. He said they were all horrible. So then he just insulted. He just said, "Do whatever you want. Just insult us." And he was fun. He's especially funny when he insults you and it makes no sense, right?
Yeah. Like, like he'd come out to me and he'd go, "Let me tell you something. Why don't you go to Alaska and and suck on a green whale?" [Laughter] Yeah. Pretty good.
Uh, and, and you, you like, you wrote the film, right?
Yeah. I wrote the film. I wrote it like because it was all these guys that I really like, like Chevy and Don Rickles and Farley and stuff. So I just wrote them all in the movie. And then I was lucky that I got them all to do it. And, you know, I was surprised. It's hard to write a movie, man. Yeah. I mean, because people send me scripts sometimes to be in, and I can't even read them. They take like, so, hundreds of words, and you get all sleepy. You know. So to write it is even way harder. Because I don't have a typewriter, first of all, at all. Really. I never learned how to type. And so my buddy Frank has one. So he wrote it with me.
Now, it's nice of you. It's nice of you to include Frank. But did he write it or just type it?
No, no. He was a co-writer. He was a co-writer. My buddy Frank and Fred. Frank Sebastiano and Fred Wolfe. Oh, good. Yeah. Yeah. I always say to Fred Wolfe, he lives in Hollywood. And I say to him, I say, "You must be, uh, pretty, uh, comfortable out there in Hollywood, Fred Wolf, because there's a lot of wolves out there."
A Hollywood wolf?
Yeah. Oh, sure. Yeah. Skirt chaser. A skirt chaser. That's right.
Uh, and, you know what, uh, I thought this was, I thought this was interesting. You know who directed the movie, of course? You know, you were, yeah. Bob, TV blooper. Bob Saget. Bob, TV bloopers. Yeah. He now does. Can he direct?
No, not at all. [Applause]
Was it just a lot of people will get hit with a rake and stuff? Just banging, people falling down at weddings and that kind of thing?
It was very comfortable with him as a director, though. Because, like, he would give me like acting notes. He'd go, "I think you should do it this way." And then I go, "I've seen you on that Full House. What are you talking about?"
So you hired him to direct the movie so you'd have somebody to push around, is that?
No, he actually is very, very funny. Yeah. He's a nice kind of smart guy. Don't kid yourself. He's a smart guy.
Wealthy?
Yeah. Oh, yeah. For several years, he had two shows. Two big popular hot shows.
Exactly. Yeah. Oh, sure. Yeah. They don't hold no benefits for this guy. No. Yeah.
Um, now, now there's every time you're on the show, there's some kind of controversy. There's some kind of controversy. I know. And I picked up the paper this morning. And I actually have people who pick it up for me. And right there, bingo, another controversy. And so I'll tell you what, let's, let's hang on to it for a second. We'll go away. And when we come back, we'll talk to Norm about the latest.
Nasty controversy in this poor man's life. We'll be right back.
[Applause] [Music] [Applause]
Canadian has grew up in my city and his father was my all-time hero. Jill, yeah, unbelievable. Did you, did you meet him backstage? No, I haven't. I met Randy Travis and I'm a huge country music fan and George Jones is my favorite, so this is a big night. Do you like, do you like the, do you like the, the new country? You like the old? No, the new is gay.
[Applause]
Yeah, oh yeah, oh sure, yeah. Billy Joe Shaver, did you ever go see these guys work? I saw George Jones. My dad took me to see George Jones and he was a bit of a drinker, yeah. And, uh, so I was a little kid. My dad had seen him like 10 times. And when I was like nine, I went to see, uh, George Jones and my dad said, "Hit the last song." George sings is "He Stopped Loving Her Today." A signature piece, yeah. The greatest country song I've ever seen. So, uh, here he is. He, uh, George Jones, his third song, he goes, "He Stopped Loving Her." And so my dad goes, "Ugh, damn." Yeah. So, holy crap, yeah. Holy crap, yeah. So George Jones did like an eight-minute concert and then afterwards, right after, he goes, "Good night, Ottawa. Thank you very much." Everybody's like, "What?" So George kind of just got fuzzy a little bit, didn't know what he was doing and he went home. And then everybody got their money back. Happy ending.
Uh, so anyway, uh, the, the movie, which, uh, from what I've seen, looks very, very funny. It is. It's hilarious. It looks very funny. And you're, you're a funny man and I think the world of you. So I, I know the movie is going to be very successful and I know that's going to be a great thing in your career. But what is this, uh, attending controversy? What is going on? Well, in the paper, what is the problem? I don't know. In the paper today, there, you got the TV Post, right, right here. There it is. This is today's, uh, New York Post. Take a look at that picture of me with a big X through my hand. What the hell is that all about? NBC Dirty Work. Dirty work. Next is Norm. What? And what exactly are we talking about there? Yeah, that's, uh, Don Omar has decided not to run. I don't know. My right here, this is the guy who runs NBC. Yeah, Don Omar, right there. Hey girls, would you mind coming up the sweet audition?
[Applause]
That's Don right there.
[Applause]
Yeah, there you go. Oh, sure. Don always gets a sweet. So Don has decided not to run any ads from my movie on his network. What is it? What is VC now? Norm, let's just do the math on this a little bit. NBC is owned by General Electric. Maybe the single biggest global corporate entity on the globe. Yeah. And they're generating, foreign, they're generating GE and NBC generating, you know, several billion dollars a year. Yeah. You know what the hell could they possibly care about you and your movie? What is going on? I don't understand at all. Did you do something to this guy? You bust into his house or something? No, I didn't do it. I don't understand. First of all, right, because I get kind of depressed sometimes because this guy, he's best friends with O.J. Simpson, right? Right. Is that true? Are they best friends? Yes, they're best friends. They hang out. This guy, they play golf. Yes. Now, how can he not like me? Yeah. That girl's just going out and read the lines. We'll see how it goes. Yeah. Give me a call. So the deal is, they won't advertise your movie on, they won't advertise my movie on NBC. And then just before I came to the show, they tell me they have canceled all these interviews I had with any NBC affiliate. Don Omar, I actually phoned NBC affiliates, you know, these little stations. It's great. He's got nothing better to do. Yeah. He doesn't have to kiss up to Seinfeld now. So that freed up his whole day. It's just gone. So are they, they're like worried that your movie is somebody going to put NBC out of business? Is that what it is? They do not want the movie to be successful at all. This is the, this is the guy who fired you from Saturday Night Live. Yes. Yeah. And I thought it was over. And then every, I keep reading like, "Feud." There's no feud because, no, there's not. I never did anything to him. That's right. For a feud, I'd have to be going, "Ah." But I don't know what it is. He seems like a nice. I met him. This is terrorism. This is terrorism. This isn't completely uncalled for. Yeah. Yeah. I'll tell you what it is. They are scared because Seinfeld was canceled, you know, and then, and then what other big shows do they have over there? Single guy. Yeah.
[Laughter]
They're, they're afraid because they, they fired you that somehow you're gonna come back and bite them in the ass. That's what they're worried about. And I would take this as a great compliment, a great compliment to your wit and wisdom.
[Applause]
But I, I just want to open up a paper and read about who's on the Lisa Gibbon show. Yeah. That's right. That's how you start your day. It's like a punch in the stomach, isn't it? Yeah, it is. All right, let's, uh, go on to more pleasant matters. We'll show a little bit of the film. Oh, that'd be great. Yeah. Yeah. This clip, I, uh, I wanted to show you because it's Chris Farley and I think he's really funny. Uh, what happened was he came, uh, and he's a great writer and like, uh, uh, you get off the top, he can. That's a, a Mad Lib. Mad Lib. I'm not a good ad-libber myself. Canadian, but he, he could, you know, improvise. And so there was this scene where I told him, "Just say whatever you want," because I know like how crazy funny he is. So he was just supposed to go, "I come to him for help." In this care, his character has no nose, half a nose. And, uh, I'm in trouble in the movie. So I come to Chris Farley and I ask him, I ask, his name is Jimmy No-Nose. And I ask him, he says, I asked him for some help, you know, if he can help me out. I'm in trouble. And then Chris Farley just improvises this. Okay, brilliant. Here we go. The name of the film, of course, is, uh, Dirty Work. Norm Macdonald, Chris Farley. Take a look.
[Music]
It opens, uh, June 12th. June the 12th. Have you had a big premiere? Is it going to be like a big premiere in the spotlights? They're gonna be, but I don't know now. Yeah. What do you mean? Well, maybe all my IRS. Oh, yeah. Yeah. She's following you around, shutting down all your fun. Oh, yeah. Don't, don't you worry about him. Yeah. Don't you worry about him. He's jealous, that's what it is. He's jealous. Yeah. And this movie, actually, I get revenge against this rich jackass that makes my life a living. There you go.
[Applause]
We'll be right back.
[Music] [Applause] [Music]