Shyness & Modesty

Allah be walkable. [clears throat] Alhamdulillah. Wasallam. For He said, "Indeed, every religion has its own characteristic, and the characteristic of Islam is haya." Which you can translate as shyness or modesty. Is when a person abstains from anything that is shameful, anything that is immoral, anything that is disgraceful, that will bring him criticism and disrepute among people. So he or she, they avoid it. That is haya.

He said, "Muslims are defined by their haya, being the best of religions with the best of character." Muslims are supposed to have the best of character among all the characteristics, and that is the characteristic of haya. And that is a characteristic, a virtue, that is not only forgotten, but the opposite of it is celebrated. So being forward and bold with shamelessness, with sin, with immorality, public with it, public with indecency is what gets you attention. It's what makes you money, is what gives you likes and fame. So you see that celebrity equals shamelessness. Entertainment is shamelessness. Fame is shamelessness. There is a lack of haya. Participation in social media encourages, thrives on the lack of haya. So it is actually a virtue that is absent and is being fought and combed to the extent that people do not even know what it is, nor do they even appreciate it.

So how can we reconcile the fact that we don't know about it? He said, "This is what defines you as a Muslim." He said, "Haya is a branch of iman." Hadith he said, "Iman and haya are like twins. If one of them is absent, the other is absent as well." So it is impossible for you to have iman if you do not have haya. So we need to rediscover what it means and appreciate it.

And to begin with, for you to understand how important haya is, know that Allah is Al-Hayy. And He is known as Al-Hayy. Allah is the Shy, and Allah is shy. Not a shyness of weakness and confusion, but a shyness that comes out of generosity and love, and it works for your own benefit. Wasallam said, "He said, Allah is shy and generous. He is shy when you raise your hands in dua asking Him that He will return you empty-handed." Even though He is the one who has power over you, and He is the one who is well aware of all of your shortcomings and sins. But since you turn to Him, and He has everything, and He loves to give, Allah's generosity makes Him shy not to give you something whenever you raise your hand. So here, that is a call for you to always ask Allah. Whether He gives you the thing that you wanted or He doesn't, He always gives you something back. You always, when you fold your hands back to you, you've always have received something from Him, subhanahu wa ta'ala. And that is haya. That is the benefit of worshipping Allah. Knowing that Allah is such.

In another hadith, the Prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam saw a man in an empty piece of land bathing, but he was naked. So when he came back, he addressed the people and he said, he says, "Allah is shy and He is Al-Sittir." And Sittir means what? He covers your mistakes, covers your wrongdoings, and He loves for you to cover them as well, and to conceal people's mistakes and well, and to conceal anything that is improper. So when you bathe, conceal yourself. Don't stand naked where people could see you. So Allah is Al-Hayy and Al-Sittir. The prophets of Allah have haya, and the angels of Allah have haya.

Once the Prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam, he was sitting, and he was sitting casually. Abu Bakr sought permission to enter. He entered, and he spoke to the Prophet, and the Prophet didn't change his posture. Uthman did the same thing. He entered, the Prophet didn't change his posture. But when Umar sought permission, the Prophet adjusted his posture to a more formal one, and then he allowed Umar to enter. Aisha witnessed all of this. She said, "Why did you change your posture only with Umar?" He said, "Should I not be shy of someone whom the angels are shy of?" Meaning Umar was so well known for being shy that the angels of Allah around him are shy of him. Which tells you that the angels react to you and react to the virtue that you put out. So if you're shy, they're shy around you.

And the Prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam, he said, "Of what people have retained from the teachings of the earliest prophecies and prophethoods, the earliest of prophets, that they still carry this on from one generation to the other, is the following statement: If you are not shy, then do whatever you want." And this has two meanings to it. Meaning, if you're a person who has this shyness in him, and then relative to this thing, you don't feel any reluctance, then that means that thing is okay. And the other one means that because you lack shyness, you will do anything and everything. There's no barrier to stop you. And this is why haya is coupled with iman. What is the thing that is going to stop you from doing haram? The fear of Allah, that Allah is looking at you, that Allah is watching you, that Allah may punish you for it. So you don't want that criticism. You don't want that stain on you. So you leave it because of your iman. And that's also the definition of haya. You leave it because you don't want to be blamed, criticized, punished for it. You don't want to be disgraced because of it. So you leave it out of haya. But if there is no barrier between you and sin, between you and immorality, between you and indecency, then you will do everything and nothing will restrain you.

So that means that the earliest of prophets taught about haya. We're told about Yusuf (AS). Yusuf (AS) was a very shy, modest person. You almost could see nothing of his skin. He would cover up so much that you could just see little of his skin. And that's how much modest and shy he was. And I want us here to start comparing that to how we dress today. Whether we are talking about male or female, how much do we show our skin in the name of being body positive? How much makeup we put on when we go outside, or we stand to act and dance on social media? How we behave with each other or in public? And consider Yusuf (AS) and how shy he was, and has presented the highest example in shyness. They say about him, "He was more shy than a virgin in her private chamber." And if he hated something, we would know it from the expression on his face. Meaning he wouldn't say out of his shyness, he wouldn't say, but you could see that his face has changed. And think about what he had said, what they said about him. More shy than a virgin in her private chamber. Think about a woman who is a virgin, who does not mingle with people a lot, especially men. Does not leave the house often. How shy is she? Especially when a stranger starts talking to her. How shy is she? So they said he was more shy than that. Which tells you that haya is not a weakness. Haya is a virtue. If Prophet Muhammad (SAW), the wisest and the strongest of men, had that much haya, then we should adopt that as well. It's not befitting to be so bold and so loud, especially when it comes to sin. Yet a lot of us praise being loud today. [clears throat] Male and female. And if he was not loud in the marketplace, you know, the marketplace where you would need to shout to sell and buy, and he wasn't loud then. What does that tell you about everywhere else?

In another instance, Prophet Muhammad (SAW) after he married, he invited people to come to his home to sit and eat. And most people, they came, ate, and left promptly. Except for three who came, ate, and lingered. They stayed, they ate, and they kept talking and talking and talking after everybody left. They didn't pay attention that they should leave. And the Prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam felt uncomfortable with that, but he didn't say anything to them. So he just left and went outside, and came back, they were still there. And then he left again. And then they noticed that the Prophet wasn't there, then they left. And then Allah revealed an ayah in the Quran: "O you who have believed, do not enter the houses of the Prophet except when you are permitted for a meal, [without waiting] for its preparation, but when you are called, then enter. And when you have eaten, disperse. And not seeking speech [i.e., conversation] with which you engage. Indeed, that [behavior] would harm the Prophet, and he is shy of you, but Allah is not shy of the truth." (Quran 33:53). But he was shy of you, so he didn't say anything. But Allah is not shy of the truth. He's telling you what to do. But this is the shyness of Muhammad (SAW). So even when something like that hurt him, made him uncomfortable, that they overstayed, he didn't want to be so bold as to say, "Leave the house." He hinted at it, and still they did not take the hint. And that's why the Prophet, Allah intervened to teach the believers the proper way to add around him. So that shyness of the Prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam tells you that this is of the best of character. And it's of the best of character. It behooves you. It should move you to adopt it.

Once Prophet Muhammad (SAW) passed by someone, and this one was admonishing his brother for being way too shy. Meaning he is telling him, "You are too shy. Too shy to the extent that it's actually harming you." So the Prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam said, he says, "Leave him. Shyness is from iman." Meaning don't admonish him, don't criticize him for it, because it is from iman. And there is really something deep to understand about all of this. On the one hand, shyness does not mean weakness when it comes to the truth. Meaning, I'm not going to speak out about the truth because I'm too shy. That's not proper shyness. And you could see that from the characteristics of the Prophet (SAW), how when he needed to say something that pleases Allah, or something against what displeases Allah, he spoke out. He said something. So it's not about that. And shyness, or haya, is not about weakness when it comes to learning the truth. You say, "I'm too shy to ask about this," and you continue to commit a haram, or you don't know what you're doing, just because you're too shy to ask. And Aisha said, "May Allah have mercy on the females, the women, that shyness did not stop them from learning their religion, coming and asking questions that pertain to private matters." So that's not the type of shyness that we're talking about, when you don't even ask or learn or speak the truth. It's shyness when it comes to anything that is beneath you, beneath what a believer should be doing, that will diminish you, from the haram to the dislike, to something that is inferior. Even if it is mubāh, but you leave it because it is beneath you.

As one of the Sahabah, he said, "When we were just laying siege to one of the enemies of Allah, something dropped, and there was food in it, and I wanted to go and pick it up. But I noticed that Prophet Muhammad (SAW) was standing. I was shy. I didn't do it." Even though picking it up may not have been the wrong thing to do. But standing next to Muhammad (SAW), he said, "I'm not going to stoop to that level. I'm not going to do this." Right? So shyness, or haya, as that man was admonishing his brother, at times will deny you opportunities in this life. You're not going to be as visible if you are shy. You're not going to be as prominent. You're not going to get all the opportunities. But Allah, if you are shy, compensates you in the dunya and definitely in the akhirah. Because when you are shy, when you have haya, your iman increases. And it's not going to harm you. Being shy, as we defined, is not going to harm you. Why? Because the Prophet said, "All of it is good. It only brings good things." So yes, initially, you may think that I'm not as connected as other people. I'm not as visible as other people. I'm not out there as other people. Yes, and that is a sacrifice in the beginning that you and I have to make. But Allah will compensate you for having that characteristic, for being a virtuous, good person. Alhamdulillah.

Allah immortalized a woman in the Quran because of her haya. The woman who came to Musa (AS), one of those two sisters, came to Musa (AS) walking with modesty and shyness. Because of that attribute of her, because of how she behaved, Allah inscribed her mention in the Quran for everybody till the day of judgment to see it, to read it. So that Allah will tell everybody, "This is how everybody is supposed to be, especially females." Haya is a virtue for everybody, but especially more important for females. And so when you see today women imitating men in how they dress, that's not part of haya. You see women in public with their friends acting, laughing out, being loud as if they are in private, that is not haya. Behaving as if they are alone, that is not haya. You see them on social media, that is not haya. In front of the camera with makeup, with no hijab, dancing, singing, promoting products, that's not haya. And we can even extend that to men as well. Men dancing, that is not haya. Men acting like children, that is not hayā. Where is the dignity of a man when you act like this? You subject yourself to the scrutiny and criticism of everybody who sees you. That's not haya. That's not dignity. And the one who suffers is everybody else who sees this. And then we lower all of our standards because all of us start thinking that thinking like that and behaving like that is suitable. In order to compete, I have to be loud. I have to be audacious. I need to reveal my body. I need to be a clown like everybody else. That is not haya.

And the most important haya is the haya from Allah. Some of the Sahabah asked the Prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam, he says, "Oh Messenger of Allah, when do we cover it? When do we reveal it?" So he said, "You cover your awrah and only reveal it to your wife, to your spouse." Is it, "Oh Messenger of Allah, what if we are around other people for extended periods of time?" He says, "If you can manage to not let anybody see your awrah, the things that you need to cover your body, never. No one sees your awrah." He says, "Oh Prophet of Allah, what if we are alone? Alone, no one is around us. Can we just be naked?" He says, "You should have more haya of Allah than anybody else, even though you're alone." But you're not walking around naked. Why? Allah is watching. And that is one way to build up haya from Allah: is to always believe and think and feel that Allah is watching you.

He said, sallallahu alaihi wasallam, in a hadith: "Have haya of Allah as you are shy of a righteous man from your people." That is, you want an image to help you so you could process how you could be shy around Allah. Think of a righteous man, a good man, that you will be on your best behavior around, and he's sitting right next to you, and he is watching you, and he is observing you. How would you behave? My father is sitting next to me now. How would you behave? My teacher is sitting next to me. How would you behave? Sheikh so-and-so is right next to me. How would you behave? So if you respect this more than Allah, what does that say about your iman? You honor this man more than Allah. So you're not going to sit in front of him, but you sit in front of Allah. You're not going to say these things in front of him, but you say it in front of Allah. You're not going to do this haram in front of him, but you do it before Allah. What type of haya do you have? Or what type of iman do you have? It says if you start thinking about it this way, you'll respect Allah. If not, then you are treating Allah inferior to you. How true you treat people and you respect people more than you respect Allah.

And lastly, the Prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam, he said, he said, "Have haya of Allah as He deserves." Because this is how haya begins, and this is where it ends. He says, "Have haya of Allah as He deserves." They said, "Oh Prophet of Allah, we do have haya." He says, "Not what you mean. Not what you mention." But the one who has haya of Allah, he says, "The one who preserves his head and what it has, what it contains, and his stomach and what it contains, and he remembers death and perishing. And whoever wants the hereafter must leave the adornment of this dunya." Then he has true haya of Allah. Preserve your head and what it contains, meaning keep it away from sin. Your eyes, your ears, and most importantly, your thoughts. You're not going to have a bad thought if people can read your mind, right? If a person can read your mind, you'll control your thoughts. "I'm not going to think this because this is disgraceful. He can read what I'm thinking." Well, Allah knows what you're thinking. So you're going to shield yourself from people, but not from Allah. So bad thoughts, you'll stop them. And glances. And then what do you listen to? And whatever you eat should be halal. And anything connected to it, including the private parts, you keep it away from the haram. And what's going to help you do both is that remember that you are going to die. That this body of yours, if it's healthy now, it's going to be sick tomorrow. If it's filled with vigor now, will be filled with weakness tomorrow. If you can walk now, you cannot walk tomorrow. If you're today on above the earth, tomorrow you're underneath it. So remember that you're not going to last. And he said, sallallahu alaihi wasallam, "And if you want the hereafter, leave the adornment of the dunya, the glitter of the dunya." What you need from the dunya to free you for the akhirah, you need to leave some of the dunya behind. It says, "When you're like that, then you will have haya from Allah."

So remember it and rediscover it. And stay away from obscene words, obscene sites, or repeating them. And stay away from company that engages in obscenity and vulgarity. And be around those who have haya, and remind yourself and them of the virtue of this great, noble feature. We ask Allah to instill haya in us, in our children, in our females, and our wives, in our sons, and in the ummah of Muhammad. Ya Allah, make your Prophet's haya an inspiration for us and increase us in good character and protect us from evil character. We ask You to forgive us all of our sins and to remove the barriers that exist between us and You. We ask You to pave the way for us to come back to You. Ease the way for us to come back to You and to make righteousness easy for us and to make unrighteousness very difficult for us. Allahumma Ameen. Subhanak Allahumma wa bihamdik, ash-hadu an la ilaha illa anta, astaghfiruka wa atubu ilayk.