Transcription
One of the men that women find most attractive is Craig Ferguson. Lucky for us, his ability to attract women is captured on his talk show. I spend months trying to understand exactly how he did it, getting women who aren't even available telling him, "All my friends, I just think you're the sexiest." They always ask me, "You know, what's he like? I have about 25 girlfriends who are madly in love with you." How is he getting women to be so much more into him than other talk show hosts? New York Times, a charm on the show, right? Like this is the makeup day. How is he straight up getting sexually propositioned me though?
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A lot of YouTube already talk about why Craig is so charming to women, but I'm going to be breaking down seven attraction techniques that make up the foundational structure of his social skills and how he uses these to get women desperately chasing him. And by the way, number seven is kind of my favorite because it's so easy to use. There's nothing to memorize, and yet 95% of men don't do this. You might be thinking, "He's a talk show host, he's famous, and he's good-looking. None of this applies to me, and it just won't work."
Here's Jay Leno trying to flirt with Carla Gugino. "You know, that's a great dress." "I'm sorry." "Thank you. Thank you very much." First, he mentions this out of the blue while he's talking to her about her father. "I'm trying to look in the camera." "I'm sorry." Second, Jay is apologetic about it. "I'm talking to you. I'm looking you in the eye. I'm, I'm talking to you."
Here's Craig Ferguson with Carla. "I really like your dresses. I really appreciate it. Do you mind if I just touch a part of it?" First, he owns a compliment. He's genuinely curious about the dress, so it doesn't come across as creepy or out of the blue. Second, unlike Jay, he's unapologetic. "And it's stretched in some places, in other areas, it's true." He owns the intention.
Well, well, put yourself now in this clip. Obviously, Conan is joking, but even so, he comes across as funny, creepy, fascinating. "We shot the whole movie in Africa." "Pretty, pretty girl." One could argue that Conan O'Brien has his own nerdy type of charm. And while it comes across as extremely funny to the viewer, "And I love you, don't be creepy." There's no raw attraction being built. "Incredible dresser that you've been dipped into." Uh, in this case, his cleverness always comes through, but it always results in a slightly creepy, nerdy vibe. "Yeah, we go very well together. Yes, let's get closer now."
Take Ferguson with the same guest. First, he tempers his compliment. "If anyone's ever before, but you're, you're reasonably attractive, young lady." Reasonably attractive. Keep in mind, Miranda is a Victoria's Secret model. Second, he challenges her to test the congruence of her complimenting him. "Thank you. And you're very handsome, too." "Yeah, you got to throw a bit more oomph behind it."
A quick tangent: If you're going to compliment a girl, compliment something that she's worked on, her choice of dress, her makeup. If you had to give a beauty compliment, a good trick to use is to be marginally attractive. This works particularly well if she's obviously gorgeous. I've used it when I was in the modeling scene. And here's another example from an unexpected source. "To hear that filthy language from someone so marginally attractive is frankly very unpleasant." Nothing teases an A-list model more than saying, "Hey, you're not ugly. You're reasonably attractive," when she's used to hearing, "You are gorgeous. You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen." The truth is, every decently looking girl has heard a variation of the line, "You're beautiful," thousands of times by the time she's 21. In her unconscious mind, whenever you say things like that, you're just another guy trying to get something from her.
Craig Ferguson is a good-looking guy, and I'm not. There are plenty of good-looking celebrities who try to attract girls and still fail. Here's G-Eazy going straight for their clothes. "Christmas." "Yeah, stop. We're on the street." Is you have a girl? Instead of taking a step back or trying a different angle, as Craig would have done, he just keeps going with the same strategy. "I really, I don't know if I'm ever have kids or get married." "Why? Unless it's you." By the third time, he's just accusing her. "Trying to use my trick and change the subject."
"When you get put on the hot seat, this is the audience that you guys have a few questions." Look at the awkwardness of the audience's face and notice the micro-expression of the annoyance from the host. "Wow, what a cop-out." "Excuse me." Despite his fame, his good looks, he does what most guys do, put more pressure on the girl, taking her from a positive emotional high to completely killing the vibe. Something that Ferguson would never do.
Take another famous example, Tupac Shakur. These don't slouch in the looks department, but he grew up in a different time when we were racially divided. And yet, Pac overrides these barriers with a natural charisma. And if you break it down, this is exactly what he's doing. "Hello. I'm sad. We're on Venice Beach. That's what you're supposed to do. I've been in jail for 11 months." "Challenger, you got to let me get a look." That's why you can have the best setup in the world, you can be super good-looking, you can even be famous, but if you don't understand a woman's attraction circuits, you're still relying on these other factors, hoping that she will like you back. In some cases, it does work. "Can I take you out to dinner?" "We can go to Nanos." "I think my boyfriend wouldn't like that, but otherwise, that sounds great." "We can be friends." "Okay. Okay." But it works in spite of, not because of, good social skills.
On this channel, our definition of social skills, sometimes people call it game, is the ability to attract someone regardless of your looks, your social status, fame, money, based purely on your ability to communicate. And that's what we're here to explore: the purity of game, the outer expression of your inner soul.
The first attraction habit is called self-amusement. I would add unapologetic self-amusement. This is the attitude that we are only here for a short time, so you have made a decision that you're gonna have fun while you're here, no matter what. Craig Ferguson has been happily married since 2008, and if you watch the behind-the-scenes footage, you can literally see he is there to have fun. "So, so floppy. Maybe you could tuck on a little bit or something." "Oh, sorry, man." At the foundation, his game centers around having a blast, regardless of who the guest is. Self-amusement comes through in his conversations because he's not afraid of saying the wrong thing. "Oh god, well, I'll make myself laugh, and that's what counts. Not necessarily in show business, but in my life, that's okay." In dating, this subcommunicates a very important attraction trigger: "I don't need you, but if you were to join me, I would love it if we can have fun together." He cares just enough to get what he wants, but not enough for his behavior to be tied to the fear of a certain outcome. "Go ahead, cancel me. You'll see. I have absolutely no effect on your network whatsoever."
One way that you can begin to embody this habit is this: Try going up to a girl or a guy that you find stylish and say, "Hey, I just wanted to say that I like the way you put together your outfit. Have a nice day." What this does is that it trains your brain to become outcome-independent. You're conditioning your mind to give positive emotions to the people around you without expecting anything in return. And when this happens, you can make the dumbest jokes and still get a laugh. "What kind of doctor is your sister?" "Internal medicine." "Internal medicine? So all her work is done indoors." Socially awkward or lame responses actually now get a positive reaction. "You know what a wombat is, right?" "A wombat?" "Yeah." "Is that a ladybug?" And figure this out for the longest time, then I realized it was because of one thing: congruence.
What is congruence? Congruent is the level of integrity between who you really are and who you present to the outside world. Every woman has faked it at some point. "Not on your show. In your outcome independence, there is freedom." "I need this job. I don't know if I did." And one way you can incorporate this into your life is the next time you tell a joke, find a joke that you personally love and laugh at, not one that you think that someone else will like, and then tell the joke like you're hearing it for the first time.
Another key aspect of self-amusement is this philosophy of having nothing to lose. The truth is that in most dating situations, the risk is asymmetrical. Think about it: when you go talk to that hot girl, what is the worst case? She says no, or she says, "F off." What is the best case? She ends up being the love of your life. I think the lesson that I learned the most from Craig is this: In life, there are things that you want, but never that badly, because at the end of the day, you're the one that takes responsibility for your own happiness. It is this embodiment that slips into the subcommunication in all of your interactions that makes a man attractive to women. "We don't understand, but do you like it?" "Yes, that's right. Yeah, I love it. I love it."
With unapologetic self-amusement, you can now make sexual innuendos with a lot more freedom than you ever had before. "A dream about the end of the world. That's a sex dream. What about when I dream about sex? That's a sex dream. Okay, so what about sex dream?" Because you're doing it to self-amuse and to bring about positive emotions. "I've been both upstairs and downstairs." Now, admittedly, Craig Ferguson is a master at this, and you're not gonna get as good as him overnight. But one way you can do this is just to pause and look at the other person whenever she says something that could be interpreted as sexual. Another way to do this is to add something after a pause, like, "Jim, no thanks, I'm good." "That's what she said." "Uh, my mother's coming." "That's what she said." A third way to add sexual innuendo is to have lines that can be interpreted in different ways in most social situations. For example, "Slow down. I'm a guy. I need to rest." A lot of men are afraid of what might happen when they do this, and to be fair, in today's culture, you may not want to try this at the workplace. But at some point, you have to take a shot.
Which brings us to the third and fourth attraction habits that Craig uses. I refer to these as calibration. He mitigates the downside. Even with a high shooting percentage, sometimes you'll miss. Now, when Ferguson risks the offense and goes too far, he recovers by doing these three things. And I mean this in a lovely way. "A slight slaggish quality to it." "I don't look like a flag." "No, one." He tries to calm the situation down by putting a positive spin. And because of the color blocking, if this doesn't work, he then uses the BBB method. He keeps talking what appears to be nonsense, gets the energy up, and then changes the conversational thread. "It's gonna slide." When he can't get out of it, this way he will go to the audience or another character. "No, you don't look like a black. You look like you look like a, a, hey Jeff, JCB, come on." "No, I just do sometimes." To preempt a negative response, he uses the conspiracy technique. This is when he brings you into his plan and makes you an accomplice. "All right, thanks. You too. You were totally looking at her ass when she walked off." And because he's unapologetically self-amusing, if he misses a shot, if he goes too far, if he risks offending the girl, all he has to do is try again or move on.
The fourth technique he uses to build on top of this foundation is demonstrating individual value. I get so many clients telling me their problems: "I'm too short. I'm a minority. I'm too fat. I'm too skinny. I'm too young. I am too old. I don't make enough money. I'm in the wrong profession." What they learn is that you need to turn your weakness into a strength. Ferguson knows that he's old, but instead of shutting it or making a weird, like Conan does, he owns it and he reframes it to make it a demonstration of value. Here is an example. "All right, Jingles. Once I heard, but it didn't go all the way around. This is my new thing to get women to like me. I had shingles once because I've been around ladies that talk like you have." "Have you read it as I am really?" "You follow old man around flirting with them?" "No, no. I like the ones who engage." "Guys, I want you to give me a snake. I'll give you a snake cup, young lady." "Yeah, I'm not dirty. I said I'd give you a snake top, but you will receive one and you will enjoy it." Building demonstrations of value around your true identity is an exercise I want to talk about in another video.
But this also brings us to our fifth attraction habit, which is the use of plausible deniability. Plausible deniability is the ability to charmingly deny knowledge of overflirting or going too sexual. To do this, Craig Ferguson goes between feigning complete innocence. "We never talk about anything about you on this show. This is a very clean show." "I need to stop right now. We're different people." "Oh, okay. You know, anatomically, really explain. Can you show me in some way?" "Well, I don't know what hardcore porn is. I don't see you. Why are you talking to me like this?" To building that he is the evil mastermind. "So I'm getting this exercise." "Yeah, yeah, you're right. Well, you have to sit there, though. That's the rules." "Oh, really? I'm good. You know, to eat and, yeah, what I just, I was trying to look like I knew about shoes." "Also, I knew your leg would go in an old direction." "And all my hours of review, there was only one woman who matched his game and called him out." But watch how he masterfully handles this exchange. "Now, I'm not gonna continue on with the role that you started." "Well, not gonna do it." "Why?" "Because then you would call me out on it." "First, he reframes." "And I would be a little embarrassed." "No, you've just done that. Woman saying there, you took. So I clearly did not say anything, nor was I trying to trap you." "And then he deflects." "What's happening over here? You just did that to me." "Okay, can, can I ask you something?" "Yeah." Then he looks at the audience. "And do you know why? Why all these good people have come to come to because they couldn't get to The Price Is Right?" And then he makes a joke. "You can't afford decent lighting. We can't be giving away." "I know, I know. It's true." Bring her around to finally admit. "I don't even. I was just. I don't know where I'm going with this at all." "No, no. I want to know." "I don't know because I forgotten this." "You know, after all this, I still think you're fantastic." "And that, I think, is the real secret between men and women." "Yeah, see that? That is what I was saying." "Yes, we don't understand, but we like it." "Yes, that's right. Yeah, I love it. I love it."
When it comes to attraction, emotion trumps logic. Because attraction isn't a conscious choice. Attraction habit number six is the reframe. This is a technique where you are reinterpreting something in your favor. When it's done with a fun intention, the outcome should be laughter. "And you're leaning again. You're leaning again. Now you're leaning and tilting." "All right, well, we're out of time anyway." As you may have guessed, Ferguson is a master at combining the reframe with technique number two, sexual innuendo. "I like an SUV, right? To keep your cats. Give my papa cat in. When we go to the vet, you go to the vet a lot. Is your [ __ ] sick all the time?" "What you blew in there?" [Laughter] "Apparently not. Just blow a little softer, more consistently."
The last and most interesting technique is admitting the meta. As a dating coach, I often use this on my dates because girls are expecting me to use a technique. Instead, I tell them, "I don't use techniques on my dates." But if I were to do so, this is how this would go. Watch. This is the power of admitting the meta because once you admit it, you take the power away from anyone calling you out on it. You can also establish a precedence by noting the meta ahead of time. "Look at him over there. You can't get enough of it." "Yeah." "And then I'll get yours out." "Reflection here. I like your necklace thing." "Are you a necklace?" "Yeah." "Okay. Wow. Sorry. I can tell. I was looking at your necklace." "Okay, well, it's right there. I mean, what, you know, it's, you know, you can't not see it. It's." "Say them." "No, I didn't say them. I said it. I thought." "Okay, I can read hieroglyphics. You know, you can. I can say boobies."
Ferguson is a master floater, and even these seven techniques don't cover everything that he's doing. That being said, everything that he's doing adds up to a sum that is greater than the parts, and it all starts with self-amusement. His looks, his Irish accent, his whole platform, it all helps, but this is the foundation of what makes it all work. Over time, the reputation of the show is that it's expected now, and women actually look forward to flirting with him. "My plan is to seduce you." "It's just me." "Yes, I heard you're a big flirt, and I like flurries." "You might want to balance them up." Ferguson can now talk about sex or get guests to talk about sex in a way that other hosts cannot. "Yeah, you, you know, you watch a lot of porn." "Not a lot." "Have I ever come across your penis?" "Well, have you, Chelsea?" "Have you?" "No, but you're one of the comedians that I would have had sex with." "I know you're a married man." "Talk about the orgy movie." "Do you want to talk about it?" "Yes, I do." "I fight like I don't part in the orgy. I don't want to see it, though." "There would be a lot of holes." "Depends on who's there." "I'm surprised that you choose to wear a hat because you're famous for your head." "I am."
While not all of us are born with natural social skills, I believe that it can be learned by anyone once you know the steps. And now you can use these seven attraction habits to improve your dating situation. Is Craig Ferguson someone who is so charismatic that maybe sometimes it feels like an act? Maybe the guests on this show don't feel like they know who he really is. "You're like, you think that I'm a terrible person? Is that what you're thinking?" "What are you thinking?" "Oh, that's not what I'm thinking. That's what you're thinking." "Here's what I'm thinking." "She's burning." "One piece of advice I will never forget. I actually came from a female mentor. She told me, people are judgmental at first. Therefore, you have to learn to play the game before you get to know someone. And I think it's better to have a plan and be prepared than to fail and be alone."
Socially, can Ferguson be so charming that women actually become too aroused or too excited and say something that may cause them to lose respect publicly? "Thank you." "Well, you pound me, though." "Great power comes great responsibility." But notice how Craig Ferguson always helps the woman save face. "Well, there's going to be a bangling tonight, I think." And this is one of the reasons that women find him so attractive. "No, it's my first time. I was a little nervous that I was gonna fall." "No, you'll be fine. Here, you mustn't worry. This is very low-key. It's not, you know, not important in any way. Affect your career." He understands the female perspective when it comes to society's judgment and he mitigates it. Because he's a guy who's responsible for his capabilities. "It's like when you have sex with someone you don't want to have sex with, you pretend to someone else." "Yes, I do." "Know that given them sometimes have sex and pretend there's somebody there." "I do that." "I'm just basically a [ __ ]. This is what I am." "Oh, you are not. Play one on TV." "No, no. You're adorable." He moves a potentially embarrassing focus away from the woman and takes on the blame.
Some of you might still wonder, "Maybe he's just born like this. I will never be like that." I did some digging, and what I found was old footage of when Ferguson first started his show. He actually wasn't that different than other hosts. "A little creepy. Sorry, I didn't mean to point. I'm just kind of, I'm kind of drooling." "And a little smooth." "He's in the U.S." "I got that." "Yeah, I'm sorry." "No, please help yourself. I've got nine more." "Um, but somewhere in between." "I'm still young, though." "Yeah, you're very, you're very young to be an actor." "Um, yeah, actress. Actress. Oh, sorry. What do I know?" He's finding his way. "All right. No, I'm ready." "No, but don't you think, um, really, you are very lovely, aren't you?" "Really?" "Thank you." "Um, when you..." "Oh, my goodness me."
And while we see the seas of brilliance starting to grow, he's nowhere near his full potential. Therefore, it is my belief that flirting is a skill. It's learnable, and if you want some help with that, start with the seven techniques in this video that we analyzed today. If you really want to learn how to date the type of women that you know you deserve, here's a chance to do that. You can check out our master course, The First Date Formula, using a step-by-step system that's already been proven to help hundreds of guys meet, attract, and date their dream girls at this link and also in the link in the description. Inside it, you will find techniques that build instant connection with the women that you want. You'll get access to in-field examples of how to create a congruent and attractive conversation. You can download all of the lines that I use to optimize my online dating profile and learn all the techniques that I use to build an abundant social circle. Here are some of the results from clients who went through the course. "Yeah, stop happening. I'm, I'm really happy about it. First of all, thank you. It actually happened. I didn't think it would work, but it did. It was insane. It completely changed the whole state of the game. I mean, I was going on dates every week. Um, some of the most beautiful women I've ever dated. Was able to identify my pain points and like, who gave good examples of how to correct those. Yeah, I got a girlfriend, but I am continuously going out there and like, basically practicing on talking to people and just honing my skills. Giovanni helped me with understanding a structure and having a game plan to increase my attraction and connection. It was very helpful because, um, I really had no game plan before him."
Just go to highintegrityskills.com33. On the next page, you can enter your email to download 33 attraction lines. This will help you start conversations and opening messages with the women that you meet online. All of this is free. You can then watch the free training where I show you how attraction triggers truly work. Just click the link in the description or go to highintegrityskills33. Enjoy.
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