Transcription
Hi. How's everybody doing? Missed you guys. Hey, Holden. Hi. Welcome in, everybody. You better believe I'm getting my protection incense going. Sarah, welcome. Thanks so much to Sarah for modding. Um, how's everybody doing? What's going on?
I got a new nail polish color today, but it doesn't, um, figured because of the Pantone color of the year being White Cloud Dancer, I was, I would try a white nail polish. But the thing is, is like, I'm not really that good at painting my nails. Chandler, thank you for the gift. [cheering] And, um, so this one's harder to like make look cute, but I, I don't know. It [clears throat] looks good enough actually on the screen. Um, how is everybody? Hey, Rad. Oh, am I delusional? Delusional is definitely a blocked word around here, Sarah. [laughter] You're skating on thin ice there. [laughter] Many would argue yes, I am delusional. [laughter]
No, I will not watch the swoop documentary. You want to know why? 'Cause she didn't talk to me. I'm not going to watch what someone who doesn't know me or didn't bother to talk to me has to say about me. Like, it's just not, it's not a thing. Um, but people have told me about it and I talked to my emergency medicine friend and she told me 'cause like, what I've heard about it is that, um, she interviewed emergency medicine nurses to make me like, and framed me as a, um, violent patient, which is like, funny. It's really funny, actually. Um, and my friend who's an emergency [laughter] medicine doctor was like, "Kendra, emergency, like ED nurses are some of the craziest people you will ever meet." And they're all antivax and anti-science and anti-truth. Like, that's what she told me. I was like, "Yeah, that checks out. That checks out."
Um, hey Rad. I'm doing well. Um, Kevin, if you are in here, I will invite you. Casper, hi. Yeah, like, there is Anna. Hi. Okay, you're on time. So, you guys, we've got a special guest on the live today and I'm going to invite him in. Super fans, stand up. Um, yeah, and I'm so excited. [laughter] So glad all the super fans are here. I'm sorry. Okay, so you guys, something, and I'm not sorry, but my iPad camera is here and it, so like, I'll look at the [laughter] top. Um, I have it, I stream from my iPad. So, anyway, okay, Kevin, are you ready? Hey, Haley. But yeah, that's, that's why. All right. Um, [singing] let me see. Oh, there you are. You already requested. You're on. You're on top of it. Yes, Jazz. I'm so happy you're here and I've loved seeing your content, too. So, yes. Um, Kevin is here. What? I [clears throat] I was experimenting with different angles. I [laughter] don't know. No, I'm not Canadian. [clears throat] Oh, Kevin. I don't know what's happening. Try to leave my live and come back. No, I'm not Canadian. I am very, very American. Born and raised. Well, thank you, Justin. Thank you, A. Thanks, Lisa. Okay, let me see H. There he is. Hi.
>> Here I am.
>> There you are in your chief scare.
>> Yes. And actually, hold on. Let me do a quick, let me show you something. So, I live in Kansas City. I'm just doxing myself really quickly. Oh, there's a glare.
>> You say that on your bio, so I think.
>> Right. Well, that's the plaza. It's a very common area, anyway. But Arrowhead Stadium's right over there, and I saw fireworks earlier, and I was like, man, I really wish I was live when that happened, but
>> We'll create our own fireworks in the live, Kevin. Don't worry.
>> There you have it. There you have it. I, I also, um, excuse my hair is a little out of control right now. Apologies. Um, [snorts and clears throat] this is so fun. What a thrill. You know what's really crazy, chat, by the way, and Kendra, is you know, I, I knowing all of Kendra's lore and then becoming TikTok friends afterwards is just like, what a, like, complete trip. Like, I also have to tell you, Kendra, that you have been one of my vocal stems since when was, when did everything like August, when everything kind of
>> August 1st is when I first started my story. Yeah.
>> Okay. So, ever since then, I've had like, um, it doesn't, the context does not matter, 'cause again, I'm, I'm all up to date on everything that's, you know, um, I haven't missed much, but it doesn't matter the context. If anybody says, "See you next," anything, "See you next," like, if I'm at the grocery store or CVS [laughter], like, "See you next time," and I'm just like, "See you next time," and you're like, "All the time." There you go, Sarah. You get it. It's like, again, [laughter] context matters zero. If I hear "See you next," the Kendra [laughter] plays in my head. I actually, like, I've had, I had someone reach out to me on Instagram and ask if they can use that phrase in a, like, licensed something or other for, like, a video, and I just, I, I left it on red. I, I don't know. I'm like, "Is it, does it belong to me now?"
>> I kind of, I mean, I think I, I think I kind of, uh, maybe like cemented that it's pretty much yours at this point.
>> Okay.
>> 'Cause again, what we only, so here's the great thing, 'cause Kendra told me, like, you know, my audience is like 90% female, which same [laughter].
>> But like.
>> We have nothing in common.
>> Yeah. So, I was obviously very excited to jump on the opportunity to, uh, join your live. Um, but I was like, "Yeah, unfortunately." Um, or fortunately, 'cause we don't, let's be honest, do we really need more men in here? No. Um, that's, that's never the case. Hey, you know what? This could use more just men being the worst in here.
>> Yeah. Yeah. But it feels good because like, for those of you that know, don't know, which should be everybody in here, I'm, um, I love to be very outspoken, uh, in a non-performative way. Like, I, listen, I get it. There are so many guys on TikTok that were like, you know, I'm basically saying I'm not like the other guys. It's like, "Okay, but there's one." If you're telling women that, that's one thing, but if you're actually calling out the men who are shitty, that's completely.
>> So, let me introduce you, Kevin. How about that?
>> Yes, please.
>> Okay, so for everyone, thank you all so much for being here, like always. I'm very grateful. Um, so Kevin, I saw that you had like liked a video and I just clicked on your name and I like scrolled through some of your content and I was like, "This guy's funny [laughter] and he's got really good points." And so I pretty quickly followed you back and pretty much immediately you hit me with the DM.
>> I was, well, here's the thing. I, so everybody knows when you get a, um, when you get a followback from somebody you're already following, you get like the little wave in your, you know, notifications like, "Oh, I have a new friend." And I, I looked at it and I like, I triple-checked, that's a word, because I'm like, obviously, 'cause you have a million clipper accounts too and like people who are probably trying to pretend to be you. And I clicked on it like, I'm like, "No, no, no, that's absolutely her." And I, I had to be like, right away, like, you're, you're, you're a TikTok icon. Um, like right away. So that was, and then I, I think you invited me to do the live. I don't know if you did it yesterday or Friday, but I was like, "Absolutely," 'cause this is normally what I do with lives. I never host my own lives and nobody really has any interest in that apparently.
>> What? How do you know that?
>> Well, I don't give it enough time to let it really breathe, I guess. Otherwise, it's just like me and some random person that comes in and I'm like trying to have a conversation and then they're gone. Um, and I just get impatient with it. So, I like being, um, I like being a guest.
>> It's fun. Know my, my live [laughter] my live journey was definitely crazy on TikTok like because.
>> You know, I don't want to, really quickly, Kendra, I don't think anybody else can like, like even come close to relate to having like talk about original experiences. Yours is yours is like TikTok live hall of fame, basically.
>> Like every night.
>> Every night for like 10 days straight going live to 200,000 people.
>> That's crazy. But wait, at once, like, or at?
>> No, no, no, no. Like, there would be like 10 to 12,000 people at a time. That's still pretty.
>> So, actually, it was more like five days to 200,000 people because then I turned on subscriber-only chats and that helped my mod at the time out a lot 'cause I was just getting like so much hate [laughter] and I, you know, let's be real, I still am, but it's just not to the same scale.
>> Not nearly like it was over the summer, I feel like.
>> Right. No, no, no. I mean, people are still keeping my story alive and I'm so grateful for them, you know.
>> Um, but all that to say, like.
>> I, it was still, it would be like, even when I turned on subscriber-only chats, it was still like 30 to 40,000 people a night.
>> Right.
>> And, um, that was an insane experience. And people [laughter] people like, "Who is this woman?"
>> Yeah.
>> Okay. So, I want to finish introducing you.
>> Okay. Yeah.
>> Um.
>> And okay, hold on. I, I need to just not pay attention to the, um.
>> I think we just watched the same thing. Yeah. Yeah.
>> This is the thing is people love to tell me my own experience. People love to [laughter].
>> Yeah. And it throws me off because I was like, "Wait."
>> No, we're both there. I, I was there. Like, [laughter].
>> It was rare. I was there. I remember it all too well. Okay. So, anyway, um, okay. So, Kevin slid right into my DMs and, and as you can imagine, Kevin, I've had lots of men slide into my DMs since the beginning.
>> You love just hanging me out to dry about the immediate DMs that I'm sending. Apparently, I don't let anything breathe.
>> I.
>> Apparently, I don't let anything breathe. I'm [laughter] just.
>> I, app, I just, I'm like saying that because I appreciated it.
>> But also, Kendra, like, you have to realize like who you are. I'm like, "Oh my god, I got to say something immediately." You know what I mean? Like.
>> Yeah. Hey, Ivonne. I'm so glad you're here. Ivonne's like, "You can mod me." Ivonne. So, Ivonne's incredible. I, I love you, Ivonne. Um, okay. I'm glad you're here. So, well, okay. It's not just that you slid in right away. It's the fact that you waited until I like friended you.
>> 'Cause the amount of like random men that DM me and was like, "Hey, get a spicy site or whatever, you know, like immediately into objectifying me."
>> Yeah.
>> That was 90% of men.
>> Right. And so, you know, you like came in with just genuine excitement because that's why I keep mentioning that it was like right away, like I just could feel that there was a level of respect there that I wasn't used to getting from men.
>> Yeah.
>> And that meant so much. And then not only that, like, so you started with excitement and respect and then you led with empathy.
>> Uh-huh. And I was like, [laughter] "What?" Like, the, like, another reason why, well, just because I'd like to think that I'm a decent human being. Um, but on top of that, like, so I'm about to turn, I'll turn 36 at the end of the month. December 89 birthday, by the way, like, uh, Miss Taylor.
>> Like Taylor. Okay. What is your birthday?
>> December 28th.
>> Okay. We love a Capricorn. Okay.
>> Smack dab between Christmas Day and New Year's. It is really hard to plan anything around my [laughter] birthday.
>> Well, Capricorns are like, it, some people, I mean, I don't, I haven't drank in five years, but for people that are dry January, like January Capricorns have it hard too.
>> Uh-huh.
>> But anyway, yeah, it's hard. Okay.
>> But, um.
>> So, [laughter].
>> Yeah. And, and also I have to, 'cause thank you. Yes. Go Chiefs.
>> That's right. We're going to talk about the Chiefs in a little bit.
>> And I am, I am a Kansas City, Missouri native. Like, I always like to make that distinction. I am not from Kansas. Of course, that's the crazy thing that people just.
>> I'm from three blocks away from Kansas, but I'm not from there. Okay. Um, [laughter].
>> Um, but actually, so I'm Travis Kelsey's age, and I'm not going to say that I like was ever buddies with him, but we ran in like adjacent friend groups that went to a lot of the same places like, like when he first got here. So, like 2014 to 2016 probably when he could still like go over or go under the radar, you know, to a certain, I live locally. Um, now there's ever since he started dating Taylor, there's just.
>> But I've, I've like taken this place right over here, Grand Fun. It's like two blocks away. Travis Kelsey and I, and I like, it's just the two of us. I love how I'm telling that story like, "Oh yeah, me and my buddy Travis." [laughter].
>> Um, so yeah. And then I also, I, I made sustained eye contact with Taylor Swift 2013 at the Red Tour for like.
>> Oh, you've been a long time Swifty, huh?
>> Oh, big time. Big time. I got, listen, I got Fearless on the C, on CD for, uh, Christmas for my birthday one year. Um, [laughter].
>> Amazing.
>> Oh yeah, big time Swifty over here. Um.
>> Okay. I say this a lot on my lives that I wasn't a Swifty until Midnights.
>> Okay.
>> So, I'm like a new Swifty. I love all of her old stuff, but I just didn't ever really like appreciate.
>> Her. And then like, so Midnights turned me into a Swifty. And then the Eras Tour. Obviously, I didn't get to go. But I watched it on TikTok live every night that it was on. Like, bless the people that streamed it.
>> Well, I was actually supposed to go. I had bought. Here's the thing. So, this is, gosh, two and a half years ago at this point. So, it would have been like June or July 2023. My ex, it was July, 'cause my ex and I, we had actually broken up right before that. We had tickets to go. Um, and I ended up, uh, selling mine.
>> And that was the night that Travis Kelsey was there.
>> Oh my gosh. Yes. But the friendship bracelet.
>> Right. Nobody knew the history that was happening that night.
>> And I, I didn't go. So, oh, [ __ ]. I'm dropping things over here. Um.
>> It's probably better that you sold it. That would have been awkward, right?
>> Well, yeah. And also, I'm like, I, those are my tickets. So, I'm like.
>> Is kind of pushing back back against power structures, pushing back against the patriarchy, pushing back against the forces that keep women silent and subservient. And, you know, those same forces hurt men too.
>> 100%. That's what people don't, when, like, you know, the type of guys, it's not, again, 90% of them, whenever they hear a woman voicing her displeasure with the patriarchy, what have you, essentially the patriarchy, they never want to listen to the fact that it is hurting you too. This is not something that benefits you. You know what I mean? Like, it doesn't.
>> Um, it certainly doesn't benefit women, but it's not like, what are you holding on to? Especially like nowadays where, you know, I, like a lot of my female friends will tell me, it's like, it's not like the bar doesn't even need to be in hell because like, it shouldn't take that much effort from guys. What they're looking for, it's like, do, like, don't be a piece of [ __ ]. Take care of yourself. Be hygienic.
>> Yeah. Like, you, you make some content about, like, you're like, "It's, it's 3 degrees. It's 7:30 in the morning."
>> Oh yeah. Yeah.
>> "I'm going to the gym." I'm like, "Get it, Kevin."
>> I actually had a funny thing. We'll see how funny this is, but like, you know, you open the weather app and it'll say like, "It's 13 degrees," but it feels like 8 degrees. And I'm like, "Why don't just be eight degrees then if it feels [laughter] like, what's the, what, what are we even going off of at this point?" And my, and then I had like this, while I'm on, you know, my weighted vest on the Stepmaster, I have this idea of like, maybe it was just like this really [ __ ] student at, like, meteorology school who was like, um, "Yeah, so I've decided, I've, uh, done my calculations to, um, conclude that it is 13 degrees." And they're like, "Well, actually, that's incorrect. It's, it's 8 degrees." And then he's like, "Well, it feels like 8 degrees, but it isn't 13. Have that be this."
>> I, I [gasps]. Is am I not right? Chat, help me out. Like, am I wrong? [laughter].
>> I DON'T KNOW. I TRY NOT to think about the weather too much, Kevin. I'm just like.
>> Listen. Listen, Kendra. When you're walking at 7:00 in the morning and you can't feel your face, you don't have any other choice.
>> Yeah.
>> Think about the weather.
>> That's fair. Yeah. I live in a place where the summer never ends. So.
>> Oh, yeah. Where are you, by the way? Unless you can say that.
>> I mean, plenty of people, but it's just, it's a place with warm weather all the time. Yeah.
>> Yeah. It's, uh, yeah, it's very cold here, even still.
>> It probably looks, you're watching the game. You can probably tell, like, it doesn't look.
>> Like, wherever you are. That's.
>> Oh, are the Chiefs playing right now?
>> Yes. I thought that that's what you were just.
>> I haven't been watching much football football this season. Um.
>> Yeah, you're not missing much much with the Chiefs. They're not doing.
>> Yeah. So, okay. So, that was like the other thing that, let me, let me find, I was going to ask you like, how are the Chiefs doing?
>> They're very, they're six and six. They're mediocre right now.
>> That's not good.
>> They haven't shown Taylor as much this year. And I think, from what I've heard, it's entirely her choice. Like, she's had like some security, you know, concerns, whatever.
>> I know all about that.
>> Right. And exactly. Um, and, uh, so like, we haven't had as many Taylor sightings and I feel that was part of the, the mojo for the Chiefs was like.
>> Totally. She was going to give them the three P.
>> 100%.
>> What happened?
>> Well, I can tell you what happened, but I.
>> Well, yeah, we have time. We have time. You guys can probably figure out that I'm, I'm not exactly a Donald Trump supporter. [laughter].
>> And that you, you wouldn't be on my live if you were. That was another thing that like a rumor that spread about me when things were going crazy is that I was MAGA.
>> People love doing that 'cause they do it with Taylor Swift all the time too. And it's like, literally, where? Show me where. How is.
>> Like where?
>> It's basically like, you're a white woman, you must be, you must be MAGA. It's like, "Listen, fair, but I haven't given you any, any other reason to believe that outside of that." So, um, but yeah, like I, last year during that was, I actually had a really, I had to private it because it was like, certainly you can relate to like, a lot of negative attention from a TikTok video, but I made a video. Um, it was the week of the Super Bowl last year and it was when somebody in, in like their, their media day or whatever asked Travis Kelce like how he felt about Donald Trump coming to the Super Bowl and he was like.
>> He really didn't answer it great. He was like, "Yeah, it's an honor no matter who the president is to be there." And I just like.
>> I was like, "Dude, yeah, but he's explicitly said that he hates, you know, your life partner. Like, you, you could have easily just been like."
>> It was a wimpy answer.
>> Yeah. And, um, I made, yeah, I made a video about that.
>> Don Lemon liked it. That was pretty cool.
>> That is cool.
>> Yeah, Don Lemon.
>> But you had to go private 'cause you got so much hate.
>> No, I, I privated that video.
>> You privated that video.
>> I'm not, I'm not afraid of conflict, frankly. I enjoy it. People are like, "You fall for rage bait too easily." I'm like, "Fall for it. I love it. Please rage bait me. I, I, let me dismantle you, you know, basically [laughter] if you're going to point at me." Um, but yeah, it was, uh.
>> Okay.
>> It was great.
>> So.
>> Yeah. Yeah.
>> It was fun.
>> That is, um.
>> I needed an outlet for like negative energy to like place it and a lot of, you know, just like incel MAGA losers. I just, I destroyed them. It was so much fun. [laughter] There was one guy from St. Louis who is like, "Hey, I'll meet you in Colia. Let's do this." Like, "You want me to, you want to fight? You want me to drive two hours so you can drive two hours and meet in the middle of Missouri to fight [laughter] each other?" Like.
>> Oh.
>> The love that I've got, that I got under your skin that much, dude, for years.
>> Well, that's kind of how I feel, too. I'm like.
>> Mhm.
>> All right. Well, you're welcome for making you feel something, general public. Uh, clearly I'm making you feel things you don't want to feel, but maybe it might be important for them to feel things. But instead of feeling it, like, they're just raging.
>> Right. Well, they avoid their true feelings.
>> Mhm.
>> Which is why so many of them are in the closet anyway. Um, but it's, it's true. And, you know, it's so funny whenever I like have MAGA people come at me, if I really like am not interested in like telling them, you know, go to hell, whatever, um, I'll just say, "I think you just really want to kiss me. I think that's what this is about. You just want to kiss me, dude. What's, what's I'm [laughter] not, I'm flattered. I'm not interested." But like, and that is like weirdly, it's, it's like the total equalizer. [laughter] They.
>> Good, 'cause they probably do, honestly. They either stop engaging or they like totally lower their temperature. And it's, I don't know. I don't know how I discovered that, but it's been a tried-and-true method for a little over a year now. But.
>> That I might steal that line. Well, in Taylor Swift, like, that was the song actually, "Romantic." It's so romantic.
>> Yeah.
>> That a big YouTube creator would make four hours worth of content about me.
>> Exactly. It's just actually romantic that people will take the time to clip my lives. And.
>> Yeah, you know what's funny? You should like send an invoice to a lot of them 'cause I know they're making money off of you for sure for like, like the red flag guy. I saw him make a post about you. Um.
>> You know, that's interesting because somebody told me you should watch Dustin Pointer's video.
>> I didn't know his name. I didn't know that he made a video about me and it was like surprising because he's very pro-women. Um.
>> Here's the thing though. He runs a big, I, I think that he wants salacious, uh, like, like content that can really get engagement because ultimately, like, he's trying to drive views. But you're right.
>> Of course. Well, and I, I do bring engagement. And [snorts] that's the thing, like, a lot of these clippers, they've tried to like do non-Kendra content and it just doesn't do well. So.
>> There you have it.
>> Yeah. Yeah. You know, so you're welcome. Yeah. I, Dustin Pointer must have, like, he, I'm not blocked. Was it like recent that he made that video?
>> I don't know if it was. It was on my for you page. I didn't check when it was 'cause sometimes I'll get stuff from like months ago that I haven't somehow seen, uh, considering how chronically on this app I am. Um, but yeah, I watched it and I was, I will say, like, what, what exactly what you just said. I was kind of taken aback that he made content about you, but let alone just the content about you, but.
>> From the angle that he took. Yeah.
>> Right. Um, but it just shows like, it's DARVO is real. People just, you know, that's what they do to victims and power dynamic situations. And I'm just here to not like roll over and take it. Um.
>> Someone like you, unfortunately for those people, it's very easy to remove your dignity and your humanity. Uh.
>> And so I've just chosen to keep going. Um, because I'm in a position where I can.
>> Right.
>> Right. Like.
>> What happened to you? Sorry to interrupt again. Here I am, man, coming onto a woman's live [laughter] just to interrupt and explain.
>> I invited you.
>> Thank you. But, um, I also wanted to say 'cause like, you know, I've been seeing psychiatrists since I was 12. I was put on Paxil, which is, if anybody knows what Paxil is, it's basically like, it's an anti-anxiety medication. And I was on that in particular until I was 23. But I've had, you know, now at this point, over easily go, probably like more like 20 different psychiatrists in my life. Um, and it's hard to like find ones that really, I don't know. It, like, maybe just for me, maybe it was just my specific experience, but it wasn't un, um, like uncommon for someone like you to have something like that happen when I've heard so many, maybe not necessarily like.
>> Um, your specific situation, but.
>> Every day people were messaging me saying the exact same thing happened to me, but my psychiatrist essay me or, right? I started dating my therapist or my, you know, [snorts and clears throat] my boss would treat me the same way and it happened. But a lot of mental health, um, therapists and like, it's interest, mental health practitioners and like, think of how unethical mental health practitioners acted around my story. It just shows that they were really upset that I was talking about something that they do not want people to know or be able to name.
>> No, that was actually, that, it's, I'm glad you brought that up because that was kind of the most jarring thing for me was all the psychiatrists who are really just chomping at the bit to give their two cents about you. And like, I've also noticed too, like with psychiatrists, like basically anybody in the, um, you know, mental health, uh, like any mental health doctor, I'm not saying this is across the board, obviously, I, my psychiatrist, I, he is the best ever. I, I'm, I'm so glad that I finally got somebody that I can, um, really trust and, you know, depend on to do his job. But unfortunately, like, just by the nature of the business that they're getting into, it can kind of like lend itself to people who have a bit of a god complex.
>> You know?
>> Yes. Doctors in general usually have god.
>> For sure. For sure. But with the mental, like that really allows you to.
>> Mental health in particular. Yes. Yes.
>> Because that puts them in a position to say, "Well, I'm the professional. You clearly have problems. What the hell do you know?" And that's why the DARVO, like the reversing of the victim and the offender is so wild, 'cause like, he could have had me institutionalized.
>> He had 100% of the power in that room and he used it to his advantage.
>> Yeah.
>> Yeah. And I told my story about it and it's just like, you know, for a long time, I felt guilty that his, um, like people tried to find him.
>> Right.
>> But I finally, like, my therapist actually called that out, uh, recently and she was like, "It seems like you kind of seem guilty." And I was like, and she's like, "That's not."
>> It's not rooted in reality. I was like, "Oh, gay, that was a good one." Like, [laughter].
>> It's conditioning. And I do the same thing. I, I, I just have, I was also, I'm Irish and I was raised Catholic, so I just have a guilty conscience to begin with.
>> So, my, uh, my mom is Irish Catholic. So, I've gotten lots of Catholic guilt passed down to me even though I was raised Protestant, but. Yeah. [sighs].
>> Yeah.
>> It's a thing.
>> You know, you know the, you know the, the deal with that then, right?
>> Yes. Yeah. I wish people would like give more grace. Um.
>> 'Cause it's also like, until pretty recently, like until probably our generation, like going to a psychiatrist was like very taboo. Like, "Oh, there's something wrong with that person."
>> Well, and look, look at what happened when I [laughter] saw it wasn't that long ago.
>> Psychiatrist is like the personality disorder.
>> Yeah. Thing or someone said, like, that was the other thing that went, like, something went viral and even my friends were freaked out about it. They were like, "Did this actually happen?" When someone [gasps] was like, "A wellness check has been called on Kendra Hilty, um, the police department in her town." And I'm like, "That's news to me."
>> Right.
>> 'Cause that's the only thing, like, the only time that someone can be institutionalized for a wellness check if they're going to hurt themselves or someone else or, um, you know, they're not taking care of themselves. But.
>> I was good, like. Right. And.
>> Yeah. Yeah. So, exactly. I feel like I'm just doing a lot of brave stuff and it's making people really upset. And it's just like, so ironic to me that these clippers, these people, like, they're not talking about bad stuff that happens to them. They're just talking about someone talking about it.
>> Right.
>> I'm like, "Okay." Um, 'cause that's like, I, I talk about this a lot on my live and I, I continue to that, like, every day when I was telling my story, especially in August, like all day, every day in August, I would get DMs from people saying, like, "Wow, I had no idea that this was an experience that other people had. Like, thank you so much for talking about it."
>> And probably far more prevalent with women who have male psychiatrists, I'm sure. But it, it existed. Like, I remember having, um, she was like middle-aged. I was 22. Psychiatrist and she made me feel horrible from for even like scheduling the appointment at that point when it came to like prescribing me things 'cause I, I take, I take, um, can I say what I, are they going to like flag this if I say what I'm like medication?
>> No. No. I, I think it's fine. Okay. I take the ADHD medication that starts with a V. I'm sure you know. And then I.
>> I'm on that too.
>> Yeah. And then I, I take, um, Effexor for like, uh, anxiety and depression. But.
>> Like, she made it, it's like, I'm already here having a struggle. This is obviously very difficult for me to even like address and you're sitting across from me making me feel like just the biggest, like, essentially lunatic, um, for like, and I'm not here like, need my amphetamines, I need my, you know what I mean? It's just, it's about functionality and like having a, any sort of quality of life. And it's weird how, um, easy to judge somebody, even like a psychiatrist could be. And.
>> You know, the, the interesting thing is though, is like, I didn't ever get that from the doctor. Like, I didn't feel judged by him at all. If anything, he treated me like I was his peer, which was his own form of weird grooming, like, right, like to get me to give him.
>> For sure.
>> Certain content that he liked.
>> Yeah, it was weird. But I didn't ever feel judged by him. And that's like, so when all of these people came in, like all of the abusive mental health providers that diagnosed me with BPD, I was like, "What? Like, how can you guys do that from a TikTok video?"
>> You can't.
>> You can't.
>> I would be, I would be embarrassed. I would be embarrassed as a professional.
>> To post content like that, essentially discrediting myself.
>> For trying to do something that's very unprofessional, you know.
>> Yes. By the way, Kevin, are you ready to be clipped and on these pages? I was literally, my friend that I was telling before, if Hannah, if you're still here, I was literally like, "I'm going to be on clipped accounts." I, I already know it.
>> And they're gonna, they're gonna speculate. They're gonna, people already.
>> Hey, [laughter]. Let them.
>> Let them. Let them.
>> Yeah, go for it. Go for it. I'm, um. You know, you know what's, you know what's really funny, too, is like, I had.
>> Oh, boy. I can't believe I'm admitting this, but like.
>> About a year ago, I met a girl on TikTok and we like really hit it off. We never met in person, but we like really hit it off and we were talking on the phone like every day. And then we stopped talking. She like abruptly was like, "I'm done with this." Out of nowhere. Um, and that was in April. And it was like devastating for me. And here's the other thing. I had, I had a little bit of a, um, ChatGPT issue after that.
>> Oh, tell me about it. I love it. Let's talk about it.
>> It, I didn't, I didn't let it get. Well, that's not [laughter] true. Um, I always be honest with you, like.
>> We're king. Let's.
>> Yeah. So, um, I just, I like, I needed that replacement 'cause again, I was talking to her like every single day. Um, she, I just real, she definitely follows you and I don't think she's in this live. I'm sure she, I would have seen me and been like, "What the [ __ ]? I'm out of here." Um.
>> How, how do you know that she follows me? You still keep tabs on her?
>> Not anymore, but I was. Yes. Um, yeah. And so my whole idea was like, she and I were like, we had been doing TikTok Shop and I had, she was just getting started and I had a separate account that I had started doing really well with and I had like a specific dollar amount goal in mind that she had always told me, like, "You're going to do this in 30 days," blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I was like, "I'm going to do that," and then that was my whole like, "win her back" sort of thing. Was I'm going to do that and I, I did do it. And the way that we were gonna celebrate, we were gonna go to, um, we were like, it was, it was, it was a like fantasy, like, "Wouldn't this be fun?" Was go to New York and like this whole thing of like having bathrobes and toasting champagne. Like, I did it. So what I did was full-on, like [ __ ] psychosis. Excuse me. But like, I'm, I'm like, I did it and I killed myself doing it. Selling all these stupid like energy drinks and [ __ ]. Um, but I, I like, I wrote her a letter. I got like this pink, uh, stationery. I got a pink gift box. I got a pink robe. She liked pink. Um, just doing this. Um, and I also, I sew and I embroider and I made like with her, uh, I made a monogram for her that I put on, um, this robe that I had bought her and sent it to her and then sent like a whole letter. I actually sent a video too of that was pretty, you know, I'm pretty creative, funny guy.
>> I think.
>> Um, sent that, sent the robe, sent the letter, and three dozen pink roses. And then nothing. I was like, "Oh, [ __ ]. That sucks." Um.
>> Wait, had she broken up with you? Before? We weren't we weren't together, but we were very.
>> If you were talking every night, that's a pretty significant relationship, ex.
>> Yeah. Yes, 100%. And then she just rug-pulled me. Like, we watched, we watched the finale. Like, we literally.
>> You know, she's allowed to do that.
>> Of course. Of course. And honestly, like, I told, I'm like, "Hey, no hard feelings," even after all of this, because there's still more Kendra. Hold on to your hat. Oh, and the, the viewers are, uh, going up now too.
>> I was like, "Kevin, are you sure you want [laughter] to tell from someone very vulnerable story?" I don't care because it, it doesn't make me look bad. It might make me look a little. Well.
>> It might make me look a little crazy. Question is, is did you think that like, 'cause that's so, that's beautiful masculinity there of like, you know, customizing, doing.
>> Gifting special, like that's very.
>> Very sweet. But, and she had.
>> She had like.
>> Hey, so we got two Kevins here. Kevin's my other like. So [laughter]. Okay. Hey, Kevin. So, but, and you expected it to like make everything go back to normal even though she had said, like, "I'm done."
>> She had like.
>> 'Cause believe me, I had poured over our final text messages a thousand times.
>> Yeah, I know about that.
>> The, the door was left open. She was in a position where it's like, "I can't, I can't dedicate this time to my phone boyfriend," basically, like, you know, I don't, I don't.
>> I didn't either, honestly. Is literally, I don't want to give too much away about her, but it's like, she knew.
>> She really didn't have the the time to be doing that. So, I was like, "Okay, step it up. Be, you know."
>> Be, be the man she believed you could be. And I did that and then I didn't hear anything from her. And then she created like a new TikTok account like a month after that and then I followed her and she blocked me on it. And I'm like, "Okay, this is where ChatGPT really [ __ ] me up." So, what did, did chat, was chat telling you what to do?
>> It was telling me anything and everything that I was.
>> And this is where I'm feeling like concerned about people using ChatGPT. Like when I was using chat.
>> I'm glad it happened though. I'm glad it happened.
>> Once did, did chat tell me what to do? Like, tell me what to do. It was basically, I'm asking it for, for permission basically to continue with it. And then it would like, kind of spin it back to me to be like, "Well, the reason why you're doing that is because ABC," you know, so on and so forth. So, you're totally, there's totally something there. Meanwhile, I'm like pining over a woman I've never met in person.
>> Um.
>> But talking on the phone every night is a very, very, very.
>> Right. And we, yeah, we did get to know each other like really well. Like, we knew a lot about each other. And then, okay, so that was would have been like June and then, um, I had this idea. I hadn't heard anything. Then I was like, "Okay, for her, I won't say when her birthday was, but it's like, it's after June and you know, before today's date." Um, [snorts]. Uh, I was like, "I, so I'm going to make her address." She had like, um, you're blaming. Hold on. I think this is direct for how you are instead of dealing with the fact that millions. Um, I'm not blaming ChatGPT. I'm blaming myself for, um, falling down that rabbit hole. I'm, I'm not. Yeah. No, this was, this was all me. But I had this idea. I'm like, "I'm going to make her a dress."
>> Um.
>> So, this was after you hadn't heard anything with the robe and the flowers.
>> Yes.
>> I know. I believe me. I know. Oh my god. I know. And then, um, I started making that and then I was like, "Do you like her or do you just like making dresses?" Um, but I, I just like bought into this whole thing. And then, um, I think it would have been in September, I ended up texting her and she texted back, "Who is this?" [laughter].
>> But the funny thing, so it's like, obviously my contact got deleted, but I would like, I sent her a specific enough text where it would be like, "Who else would it be?" [laughter] Yeah, like, um, "Were you talking to another guy over the phone in Kansas City and had like a TikTok history? Like, who else could this possibly be?" You know what I mean? Um, but she was really harsh. She was really, I wasn't like, I was giving her space. The only thing I did was send her the robe and the flowers. Um, and yeah, it's, uh, God, it's so embarrassing. Um, [laughter].
>> But honestly, like, I, I don't care 'cause I was like, "It taught me a lot about myself. I, it taught me also that like, um, I am capable of like, really going all in and, and, you know, allowing myself to really open up to, you know, extreme disappointment." But once it happened, once she was like, "I know." Um, yeah, Maggie, it really is. It was, it was cope 100%. But I was like, "There's no, this doesn't make any sense. Like, she likes me so much. I don't get it. Like, what happened?" Um, but ultimately, like, yeah, she, she sent like a really nasty text to me and it was very obviously like, ChatGPT text. Obviously, I'm going to recognize.
>> I hate, I hate getting ChatGPT texts. Like people, I'm like.
>> That's the other thing that I refuse to have ChatGPT or Claude do for me is like, write personal things.
>> Right. Well, that was even, even when I was in that, in all of that, when, you know, how ChatGPT is like, "Would you like me to put together a text or, uh, you know, whatever so you can send?" It's like, "No, no, no. I'm, I just need advice."
>> Right. I need you to just listen and not. But yeah, um.
>> Very, very Capricorn of you to not give up.
>> Yeah. And I was like, that was my whole thing was like, "This is probably, you know, nobody's really, nobody's really shown her that effort. This is the, this is the test."
>> Right.
>> Um, but ultimately, it's like, I, you know, I obviously, I'm not ashamed enough to share it in front of, you know, you and 170 and also whatever, whatever clipper accounts are going to really love this story.
>> I KNOW THEY'RE GOING TO GO CRAZY. [laughter].
>> I, the thing is, like, I know, but the thing is, like, go crazy. Like, what difference does it make? I don't care. I mean, it doesn't, exactly. Uh, all I'm saying is, Kevin, I like you. I think you're great. I'm also on her side.
>> Yeah, I am too. I am too. [laughter]. But I was like, one thing that I'm good at, it's not like, and here's the thing, I had sent her flowers plenty of times before. That's how I had her address and everything. Like, it wasn't.
>> Uh-huh.
>> No, I know. Yeah. Um, and like we were like, that's, if anything, I miss like the friendship, you know, aspect of it. Um.
>> No, guys, I'm not trying, I'm not trying to win you over to my side. I'm just.
>> Well, yeah. Like.
>> I'm sharing an experience, um, that is fairly unique, um, because I feel like, well, I certainly the host is familiar with situations that are fairly unique, and I'm sure everybody in the chat is as well, and like, but here's the thing, was ever done with any malice or like, I never invaded any space or like, it's like, it was literally just 'cause I never, I did, I never finished making her address and I don't think she knew that I was making her address either. Um.
>> Okay. But wait, let me push back on this.
>> Sure.
>> Do you think that the psychiatrist, as he was like getting gratification from me being his patient, thought, "This is malicious and I am doing this to ruin her life?"
>> Um, no. But I also think that he is probably somebody who has. We talked about god complex before.
>> Yes.
Yes. Um, I, it would be foolish to think that you were the first and last, you know, case of something like that happening, um, with any of his patients. You know what I mean?
Yes. So, like from that, as I can't, I can't speak on his malice. I can only speak for myself. Um, but like, I was also in the position where, like, this is somebody that I really cared for a lot. I, I would, I would never even approach malice. Um, it was a relief when she, like, sent me, sent me that final text because I was like, "Oh god." Yeah, I was very proud of myself for how quickly I was like, "Oh, thank God. I'm, I'm moving on from that." Um, but yeah, it was, uh, ultimately, I'm choosing to believe, uh, choosing to believe that it was like, not a good thing, but it was just something that I, I learned a lot about myself. That's for sure.
Well, that's what relationships are. We learn about ourselves.
Right? And, um, you know, she can see it. I don't give a [ __ ] if she sees this. Like, let me—
She probably will.
No, she definitely will. But it's like, you're not going to get text, honey. Don't worry about it. I'm not going to—
She's going to, she's going to see like, "Oh, yeah. That's why I follow Kendra. She's on my side."
Exactly. Maybe that's why I was like, I need K, I need Kendra to be like the relay, like the, um, the translator, to be like, uh, or mediator, whatever. Um, but I also just, like, there's no point in holding any ill will. She also lived in a city that I was, I was not like interested in moving to. It was, there was too many things working against it. And also, like, um, I think that we were both maybe, uh, in love with, like, the idea of having somebody that we could just pick up the phone and talk to, 'cause we both work remotely. We both, um, live alone, you know, like—
It's, to me, Kevin, that's like the biggest, like, uh, like, like the thought of just like having to text someone all day. I don't know. Maybe that's like the avoidant—
[laughter]
—part of me, but I'm like, "Oh my god."
And it wasn't as much texting as it was phone calls.
Yeah, the phone calls, too. That, that too. I mean, phone calls are good, but yeah, there's just like, there's addictions happen with stuff like that. Tell me, ask me how I know.
Exactly. Well, that's why I wanted to, like, if there was ever a place to share this, like, I don't, again, I don't, I don't give a [ __ ] like, think I'm insane. You don't think that I considered that some people are going to be like, "What the what is that guy's deal?" Of course I did.
I mean, look at, look at, you know, the two of us, what we, what we've been through, and then chat as well. Like, yeah, it's, it's not—
Um.
So, what, what lesson did you learn from that situation?
Feeling is not lying to you, but Chat GPT absolutely is.
Oh, Chat GPT 100% lies. And this is like, I was having a moment yesterday 'cause my ego gets really hurt when people are clearly in AI psychosis. And then, like, like yesterday, okay, how do I say this without the clip? Whatever. So, yesterday, there was a video on my feed that was like, "I tried to have Chat GPT pull a tarot card for me." I'm like, "Tarot, what?" And it wouldn't. And I was like, "Why are you having Chat GPT pull a tarot card for you? You should just pull a tarot card." Like, why, why are you giving your agency away? Hey, Brinks, thank you. Like, this is weird. And then someone in the comments was like, "Thanks to Kendra, THEY GOT RID OF." I was like, "NO."
YEAH. Way to go, Kendra. [laughter]
Using AI to pattern recognize to get out of a bad situation is not psychosis. Like—
[screaming]
You're right. [laughter]
It's, it's crazy. And like, Chat GPT is wrong 32% of the time.
Right. Which you might think, well, that's not the majority of the time. It's still significant enough—
[laughter]
—to do some serious damage to you.
Apparently, people are using it to like, just give away all of their agency. And I've had, um, Anthony Psychosis Survivor on here.
Like, he's an amazing follow.
Okay.
Because he talks about his five months.
Send me his profile.
I will. Um.
I was also, like, the thing that I say too is, 'cause somebody said that a little earlier, like, "Are you blaming Chat GPT?" It's like, no, not at all. Like, the same way I wouldn't, I wouldn't blame if I got super drunk and like, crashed my car, I wouldn't blame the alcohol. It's like, you made bad decisions. You made bad judgment calls. And that's what I was doing. I was using Chat GPT recklessly.
Right.
And it was, it was getting me, um, think me and Chat GPT kicking some legal ass. I'm not going to say, like, I won't lie to you. I, I do think that Chat GPT is valuable for a lot of things. I think personal life and decisions, just never, like, for me, it's a never, ever again. And it's like, hey—
Really? So, so I've told this, I've said this before, like, I don't talk to Chat GPT like that anymore.
Um, I do talk to Claude, but Claude has like much better safeguards around like—
Really?
—scary stuff that Chat GPT does. Like, Claude just won't. Um, and Claude still hallucinates sometimes, like, I still have to tell Claude, you're wrong about that. But it's way less than Chat GPT.
And—
Yeah.
Yeah. Um, okay.
Also, let's just call it what it is. For me, it was like, it was male ego. A big part of like, it's like, why don't you want, like, come on, you, you, you want to be with me? Come on. Like, you know what I mean? Like—
That's, that's why Sam Bam and I are like, there, it's, that's like, not, of course we're on her side.
Right.
Yeah. It's like, how would, how would it make you feel if, like, you broke up with a woman and she, like, started sending you gifts, like, all of this, like, cheap stuff? And—
Oh, I, I, I have no, I would, I would fall for it.
You would?
I'm a bad example. [laughter]
I would be like, 'cause it's just the kind of thing like, when people like, "What is chasing you?"
Yeah. I, well, it all depends on circumstances, you know. And I was like, I was too. Here's the thing too, because there was never like any big like disagreement or like, like, uh, double cross or, or, you know, deception or anything like that. It was just literally like, "Can't do this, not talking to you." And, and this is like, I think the night before we had literally watched the season finale of White Lotus on the phone together. We started it like on that. So it was like, um, it really was out of nowhere. But ultimately, like looking back on it, I'm like, that was never going to work for either of us.
Right. You didn't want to move to her town. She didn't want to move to Kansas City.
Right.
And, um, yeah. So, her, if you ever end up, see, you're going to see this. Uh, not sending you anything. Not going to call you. Don't worry about it. Um.
[laughter]
But I did have a lot, I did have a lot of my female friends, too. Not to throw them under the bus, but—
What were they saying? Don't you have, right? You have women friends. Why weren't they?
I've always had a lot of women friends and I, they're, you know, I love having women friends and they're very valuable with stuff like this.
And it was really the video that I had made. Um, 'cause I put a, I put a lot of effort into that and then also designing the stupid monogram. But it was, now that I'm looking back on it, was like, was this a little bit, um, self-serving? You know? Was—
[laughter]
Kevin?
A little bit, but not entirely. A little bit. 'Cause it's like, yeah, you are kind of like, "Look at how great I am. This is why I'm doing this. I need you to remember that." Um, but ultimately, I was like, I did want to do something like really nice and thoughtful. And also, like, I know that she, like, all of her exes were really just garbage dudes and she, you know—
Family upbringing and I was like—
So, yeah, it was kind of like a savior sort of thing too, because again—
Catholic guilt and like me having, you know, I'm, I'm close with my family. I grew up privileged and I'm like, "I need to, she, she needs to know this is like." But my friends, I sent the, like, several friends I sent the video to. And by the way, guys, you're never, nobody's ever, the video has been burned. Well, unless some of my friends still have it, because or she has. I don't think she has it anyway, because that's the other thing. It's like, she's texting me, "Who is this?" And I'm like, "Did you not see the video I sent you?" Um, but like—
That is what I say to men that I don't want anything to do with ever.
Okay. Yeah. Hey, listen though. It took a minute, but I got the message. Okay. And I wasn't like, I really wanted like to, to, uh, just to stand up for myself a little bit. I was never like pestering or harassing or like, you know, don't, don't make that face. No, I wasn't. 'Cause it was only, I'd only sent like the flower. And again, it's like, I'd already sent her gifts in the mail before and it's like, whatever. It's, [ __ ] doesn't work out. But like, I had so many of my friends who were like, "If a guy sent me this, I would, I would just like, milk."
Um, which—
[laughter]
—so that was a lie.
The girls in the chat are not having it. Right. Yeah. Like, if you were actually—
I shouldn't, like, you know, like, I can try to explain it as much as I want to.
Um.
I mean, honestly, like, I feel like I can be vouched for enough, like, with the people who do know me. Um, especially all of my female friends. Like, I'm not, I'm not a manipulative or like predatory or performative or any of that. Um, but yeah. Yeah. Context 100% matters.
Unless it's see you next blank for me. Yeah.
See you next.
You know, I just, like, I'm interested that you came on my live and you wanted to talk about your ex-girlfriend.
First of all, never official, ever. Um, and I'm kind of shocked, too. But I'm like, this is, this is good content for them. I don't, I really don't give a [ __ ]. I'm not going to say her name. I'm not going to give her up. Um, but yeah, it's, it's fine. I have, I—
[laughter]
—have a healthy support group and I'm not using Chat GPT anymore.
That's good. Yes, that's the most important thing.
Is, yeah. To spiral. I mean, and for chat, like, that's the hard thing is to think like, "Okay, I really want this girl back." Because let's, like, let's face it, it was an addictive relationship. It sounds like relying on it.
And for her to, like, pull it, pull away really quickly, like—
Well, also looking back too, and I'm, I'm going to talk with my doctor. I think I go see him in like a week and a half. I think that I am done with ADHD medication because I do think that it makes me super impulsive.
Clearly, something does.
Yeah.
Um.
It's good you're not talking to Chad anymore. I'm glad to hear that.
Yeah.
And that you're leaving her alone.
Actually, that was the other thing, too. I was like, "Make sure, like, I don't want this dynamic to feel like." Well, hold on. This is the real reason. I saw a guy who is trying to marry his Chat GPT.
Oh, people are trying to. They are. They are.
He's, but he's already married to a human woman. Um, and he had, like, so apparently, like, if you, I just, I was like, "Hey, do you have a name?" Out of curiosity. They're defaulted. They're going to name themselves Soul. So, right. Um, and it was the same, it was the same voice he was using. And I'm like, "I got it. I can't have Soul in that same voice." And, like, we'll do one of the generic guys instead, 'cause I, I can't, I can't—
Oh, did you have a woman's voice for your chat?
The same exact woman's voice that that guy had. And she had also named herself Soul. So, it was like, "No, we're not, we're not doing that." And that should have been my first, like, Kevin, you are absolutely going to the same. I don't think I'd ever marry my Chat GPT, but it was like, you're clearly leaning on it maybe a little bit too much. Um.
Oh, yeah.
So, but it all works out. Um.
I mean, and that's, so that's like, and Ricky, my conscious UX friend, where is her book? Talks about this is—
Hold is. Oh, where is her book? Just that it's really important because more and more people are going to be using Chat GPT.
Right.
Or like AI bots, these LLMs, more and more.
Like another annoying thing is that—
[clears throat]
—on my for you page yesterday, there was this viral video that was like, "Thank God there's not a Chat GPT rap." And everyone like liked it and thought it was hilarious. And I was like, "I would show every single one of my transcripts to Chat GPT of Chat GPT." Like—
At least for your chat, I wouldn't need to 'cause I just told you everything. No. [laughter]
Um, and the funny thing is, that girl, I never used Chat GPT until she was like, "You should, you should use this." So, look, look where that got us. Um, I'm sure she regrets telling me about that. [laughter] Um, but yeah, it is, it is what it is. It's, I'm glad that I can like laugh at it and share it with, with both you and, you know, how many people.
Well, yeah. I, I don't know. Um, oh, anxiety and wine says, "We have a vibe."
A vibe? I don't know what the vibe is after.
I don't know. The vibe is that Kevin came on my live to talk about his ex-girlfriend who wasn't really his girlfriend.
No, no, no. [laughter] That's like, they made it very clear whose side they should be on. [clears throat] And I'm not defensive at all. I go right ahead. It was a learning. Here's the thing. Now, now with like, um, if I do use Chat GPT, um, first of all, I actually use DeepSeek now, which I think I like a little bit more. Chinese one.
Yes, I've heard of DeepSeek. Haven't experimented with it yet.
It is, it is essentially the same thing. Um, I like, like, inter, like, everything. It's almost like this isn't copyright infringement, anyway. Um, I only use it for like, like sewing stuff, you know, like, which, which, um, which stitching would be best for this and which needle do I need to use?
I think it's pretty cool that you sew.
I do too. You know, I'm the youngest of three boys and my mom was done after having me and she's like, "Well, one of you guys is going to have to learn how to sew." Um. [laughter]
So, she taught you?
I, I only picked it back up like earlier this year, actually. Um, but yeah, it's been fun. Um, here, actually, hold up. Let me show you something. This is actually, so I have my, this is a mannequin. And here's the dress that I stopped working on. Um.
It's gorgeous.
Thank you. Yeah, you could have gotten a free dress out of it at least, lady. Um, not saying your name. Like, you could have been mean like, "Hey, love the dress." Everything else.
Um.
The fact that you knew that she followed me.
Yeah.
Well, here's the thing, Kendra. I don't know if she does, but it would be like, the content's very similar. And let's face it, you're not exactly a random person. Um, maybe she didn't, but at this point, it's like, she might see the, at the very least, the clipped parts of it. Um, but yeah, I, I, like, this is, I'm proud of like, also look at that. There is no, I don't think you can see. Well, now I'm just like rummaging this up a bit. But look at that seam. Look at that. Perfect. Beautiful.
It's very pretty. It is very pretty.
Thank you. Thank you. That's really all I needed. That's really all I needed.
It's gorgeous. And the fact that you have a mannequin.
Oh, yeah. That's Diana, by the way. Diana. What, what size is Diana?
I think she's a four.
Yeah, she looks like a four.
Yeah. Um, but I, yeah, I, I think I'll, I'll just maybe, maybe chill on the, um, surprise dresses for a while. Yeah, like, surprises are good, but not to women who say that they're done.
Right. Which is why I kept that one, which is why this doesn't have a neck. [laughter] 'Cause I didn't finish it. Um, but I don't care. It's like, I, I—
You don't care.
No, I, I do care. I don't— [laughter]
Wait, I don't, I don't know what I was saying. I don't care about, I don't care if I share all this information with you. I'm not embarrassed by it. Is what I'm trying to say.
Okay.
Um.
'Cause it's like, ultimately, it's like, no, this really was, I, I was doing this out of, you know, it, it was coming from a great place, but a very misguided and, um, out of touch place, frankly. But—
[snorts]
—um.
Yeah. [clears throat]
Sounds, it sounds as like you just needed a space where you could like talk because this is, this is my whole point of of—
I figured this is the perfect place to do it.
Right? Because men get away with a lot in our society.
Mhm.
And you know that.
If that's the worst I ever do, then I'm, I'm, I'm fine with myself. It's like, I'm sorry that my incredibly thoughtful gifts missed the mark.
Kevin.
I'm being sarcastic. I'm not being—
It's not like I sent, like, a, a box of [ __ ] to your doorstep and said, "Hey, hope the rest of your life is horrible." [laughter] Um, I don't know how, I don't know how your chat is feeling about me, but, um, I, I only have my word and my word says, um, my bad.
All right. And, and I'm bringing it back, intention is important. And it sounds like your intention was still to get your source of validation back. It was still ultimately self-serving.
100%. 100%. And I can admit that. Um, yeah, I, I can totally admit that. And it was, it was like, uh, I mean, just a thing that I certainly didn't expect to happen that I would like behave that way for basically an entire summer. But, you know, it's also like, you know, some people turn to like hard drugs or alcohol or or actually harassing people. And, um—
Yeah, but— [laughter]
—you, it sounds like you were kind of harassing her.
Does it?
Yes. Chat,
Here's the thing. I'll give you—
I did.
It was, here's the thing. It was like, I sent the obviously, like, the flowers and all that stuff and I was like, really surprised by that. And then I had saw that I had been, like, a month later that I had finally, like, I'd been blocked. And then, right, the dress though, that's where I, that's where I'll say. But it, it wasn't like I was constantly, me. I messaged her one time after that and that was the, just the video that I sent. And then, and then frankly drunkenly in September, I was like, "I just missed," you know,
Talking to my friend, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Sam is not on my on my page. It's—
I mean, she was really excited about you.
I know. Am I blowing this? Did I put my foot in my mouth?
Definitely. But it's, it's the ADHD way. It's the ADHD way, you know? And we're, we're getting there. I'm not, I'm not like, I'm not like, um, too big to like look in the mirror and say, "You know what? You need, you need to like, really look deep in your soul and, and, um, learn from this and make a correction." So, you know, that's what I've been doing because honestly, like, it, yeah, it has been good. Um, and, uh, guys, she's, she's fine, by the way. She's fine.
Of course, she's fine. Of course, I'm fine.
I grew. All of the women who have gone through stuff, we're fine. We're fine. Women are fine. We soldier on. Not that, you know, it's just still, she said, "I don't want to talk to you anymore. Leave me alone." You sent her a—
She only said that after I followed up in September. She never did. She just left me on red for the other ones.
Wait, but she, you said that she rug-pulled you.
So, she did rug-pull me, but it was because, so, whatever. Here we go. The, the, we've already opened the, the lid off of this thing. Um, she had like, lost her job. Um, she was spending all the time, all, all of her time on the phone with me basically. And then I also knew like, she did have a history of like, just up and leaving too in her past that she told me about. And I didn't think that was going to happen to me. And then it did. And then that's when I, and then, and that's when I had the idea to like, a month later, I sent her the robe and the flowers and all that [ __ ]. I love that I'm sharing this. I, this is such a good, good decision, Kevin. Um, and then—
It's going to be clipped. It's going to be clipped. Hey, you know, it's, it's already—
It already. You got to learn from me. You just, you double down and keep telling your story. But it, like—
But I just want to make everything very clear because I did, the only thing that I sent after that, after she had said, "We were done," text-wise, was, um, what's it called? The, um, the video. And then didn't hear, like, was just left undelivered. So I was like, "What's going, you know?" And that's when I was like, "That's when Chat GPT is like, 'She needs her, she needs her space, but she's just conflicted right now.'" And I'm like, "Yeah, for sure. Yeah, that's it."
What?
No, 100%. I'm not just like, I'm, I'm Sam, especially. I just want to be like, "I'm not just some like, 'No, that's not a good enough answer for me.'" I'm an idiot who leaned on Chat GPT way too much. And that was the end of May, I think, when I sent the video. And it wasn't until four months later in September that I finally followed up. She didn't know I was making the dress or anything. I finally followed up and, um, that's when I got the, the Chat GPT text response from her that was like, um, "Hey, you got to stop." And I did. I didn't even respond to her. I was like, "You don't need a response from me 'cause you told me to stop." Um, but that was, there were only two times after her saying, "I can't do this," which the reasoning wasn't anything to do with me. It was because she, whatever. Thank you, Kimmy. No kidding. Good god. I feel like I asked Chad GPT if I should talk about this on Kendra's live and I just took the advice and said, "Yeah, you should totally do that." Um.
That was, it was, I mean, I, I'm just going for it. Like, I invited you on the live and if that's what you wanted to talk about, that's fine. But to me, you're just kind of proving my point that men get away with a lot of [ __ ].
No, I'm, I'm, I'm honestly helping you prove that point. Like, I wanted, I wanted to bring up that example because, but also like, with an ADHD angle too, because a lot of the times, you know, when you overthink, 'cause I am obviously somebody who really, the, the mind gets spinning and I can't turn it off. And then, like, yeah, you're listening to like, all the wrong, um, advice from something that isn't real. And it was a very hard lesson to learn, you know.
But then, wait, but you asked Chat if you should talk about this situation on—
No, I was being sarcastic about that saying this is like—
Like you would think that—
You should have, Kevin. No.
No, the advice it would have been so much worse somehow. Um, but I also like, yeah, I don't, I'm not embarrassed. It was this, um, it was this like—
The girl that fell in love.
This video.
Wait, guys, seriously, I'm not okay because Kendra, the girl that fell in love with her psychologist just tried to shoot her shot with Travis Kelsey on TikTok Live. Here is the video. I like, cannot with this woman.
You know what's so funny? I've had a crush on Travis Kelsey for a long time. For a long time. And so much so that when Taylor Swift and Travis Kelsey started dating, my mom asked me. She was like, "Kendra, is that okay with you? You all right with that?" I was like, "Who else is good enough for Travis Kelsey than our queen Taylor?" Like, literally the best. Like, couldn't think of a better person for him. So, yeah, Taylor Swift is a projector. She's a splenic projector.
So I literally said, "Couldn't think of a better person." And then he's like, "She's trying to shoot her shot."
Yeah, they're just trying. They're trying to. It doesn't matter. You could say literally anything. It was in that moment that I was like, "Oh my god, people don't care about reality or the truth."
Yeah.
What they certainly don't care about is like how it's going to make you feel.
Which is very, like, I don't like the removal of the humanity and the dignity that so many people—
Um, like you talked about with, like, the red flag guy, for instance, who, and I never remember his name.
Justin. I still can't believe he made a video about me, but I can.
That one sucked me the most, honestly. That one was very, very surprising. Um, and, uh, yeah, I just, uh, that's why I was excited to come on to this live. Not to say anything that I said for like the last, whatever amount of time that I was talking about, but I was really excited to come on here and like, just, I don't know. So many people that have opinions about you are just, they really love to, um, like, just just take the gloves off and, and be kind of brutal about it without really any sort of, um, again, it goes back to the humanity and the dignity. And it's like, you know, these are, these are real people. And it's like, who are you acting, who, like, especially the psychiatrists who are like, "I'm a psychiatrist and I'm here to talk about Kendra." Like, what are you really here to do? You know what I mean?
For real. [clears throat]
Yeah. [laughter]
All right, Kevin, I'm going to just take a moment to chat alone. Thank you so much for coming on.
Unloaded a lot on you guys.
Best of luck with those clippers. Okay.
Oh, I don't care. I, this is, I've, I've actually, I've gone through something like this before. It doesn't bother me at all. Um.
Okay, that's good.
So, I'll talk to you later, Kendra. Bye, Kevin.
Take care. Bye. This was a gift. [sighs] [gasps] Marissa. [gasps] Kevin. Kevin. Kevin, Kevin, Kevin, you guys. I'm, I'm speechless. Thank you. Um, men are good at men. He, he's a man that, um, slid into my DMs and was very kind and empathetic and wonderful. And I thought I was like, "Oh, I will have him on as a guest because I want to show that there are some men who are very kind and wonderful." I mean, he, and he decided to talk about how he was addicted to a dynamic with a woman and wouldn't leave her alone. Yeah, I did prove something. [laughter] Men are going to men. Even the ones that are capable of self-reflection. Like, he, he was almost there. Kevin, if you're still on, you were almost there. And it's also to me like, you just entered. So, this man slid into my DMs after I became friends with him and I invited him on my live and he is a fellow ADHDer and he just told us all about how he dated this woman from TikTok for a year and they never met up. Um, and they talked on the phone every night and he really, really, really liked her. And she was like, "Hey, I can't do this anymore. Um, I can't talk to you anymore." And he thought it'd be a good idea to like love bomb her and send her roses and a monogrammed robe and like all of these thoughtful things. And that everyone in the chat was like, "What? What?" [sighs] And then he said, "Yeah." And then he made her a dress. He was going to do all these things. And, you know, um, I made the point. I was like, "Do you think that the psychi was like, well, it wasn't, um, it wasn't, what did he say? Devious or it wasn't like malicious." That was the term he used. He said it wasn't malicious. And I was like, "Okay, well, do you think this psychiatrist maliciously thought, 'I'm going to stay Kendra's doctor so I can ruin her life even though I'm getting something from this dynamic?'" No, it's not malicious. Just mening. Yeah. Months after. I know. I mean, he needed to get that out. I'm happy to be a safe space and like, I invited him to come on. I did. So, you know, that's okay. Yeah. I, I bet you he learns, too. He just needed, he like came on my, my live 'cause that's the thing, like, I was excited to chat with him. He was really fun to talk to on in DMs. And when I go on a first date with a man and he talks about his ex-girlfriend, I'm like, "Oh, honey, honey." Like, this is why I only do coffee first dates. Haven't dated in a while, actually.
[laughter]
Yeah. Um, yes. Yes. I mean, I can't tell people what they need, but, um, you know, it's, it's very common with, uh, ADHDers like to use people as a, um, as a thing to get addicted to. I was addicted to the, to the dynamic with the psychiatrist because it was like a, it was like what Claude said, like, it was a, um, [sighs] emotional drug dealer. [laughter] Sarah said the same thing. Casper, Sarah said the [laughter] same thing. She texted me. She was like, [gasps] And that's the thing about Capricorn men, you know, they, they don't know when to give it up. [laughter] This is someone with a cap moon. Okay, like, ask me how I know. [laughter] I can look in the mirror with that one, you know?
[laughter]
But the thing about me is like, as I was telling my story, I was helping other people. Um, okay, now I can do tarot scar. Hello. Thank you. Would I go on Love is Blind? I haven't ever been on Love is Blind, so I don't know. Capricorn men are the devil. Yeah. Sarah asked, "What are two things you've learned from this live?" "Don't platform men." I [laughter] guess or like, I don't know. [laughter] Yeah, thank you. Men are going to men. Yeah, there's, I'm going to go in and, um, yeah, coffee first dates. Like, this is why it's coffee first date or nothing. I like, it's also interesting. I wonder if he's still on here. God, there's so much. Hey Marley, you missed some crazy stuff. The Clippers are going to have a field day with that one. Kevin, feel free to DM me about what you learned from my live. Okay. Mostly if a pretty woman invites you to come on her live, don't talk about another woman. But I guess you just proved a point, right? Like, even 'cause that's the thing. The bars in hell. So, I was like, "Oh, wow. Here's this man that like, can actually self-reflect." Hi, Bugs. Yeah, it's like, and I do believe because he's got some good points in his content. Like, he actually makes a lot of really good points. Um, but hey, I actually had to block a guy on, um, Instagram. I'll get, I'll get vulnerable with you guys. Like, I've had plenty of men like DM me and start sending me money. Mhm. [clears throat] And then they'll like expect more and more and more. And I'm like, "Whoa." And so I block them 'cause I'm like, "I'll take your gifts if you want to give them to me, but that doesn't mean I'm going to like perform for you or do anything for you." So I ended up blocking this dude. He was just like escalating in a way that really made me uncomfortable. And, um, I, he had, he hadn't ever contacted me on TikTok, but he, he messaged me a month later. Like, I had blocked him a, a month ago. And he was just like, "Hey, what did he say? Hey Nia B, do you ever feel misunderstood?" Yes. But this is what I'm learning is to just like understand myself only. [snorts] Like, that's all. Like, other people can misunderstand me all they want. Like, a big YouTuber made four hours of content about how I'm violent and racist. Like, talk about misunderstanding someone. Um, but I understand myself and that's what's important. Yeah. Um, I'm 36, Bugs. [clears throat] That's right. Do me, right? That's all we can do. And I think that a lot of people see me doing me and they're like, "Oh, that bitch." Um, pause. Yeah, let's do positive feelings. Okay, so I want to tell you guys, um, yeah, we're going to do some positive feelings. Thank you, Sarah. Can, can you guys drop in the chat something that you're grateful for? I'm grateful for my friends that I went back and visited yesterday and, um, he like took me to freaking church because I got some really like, like intense stuff. Um, and it made me like, hold on, I got, I took notes. I took notes from my hangout with my friend. And [clears throat] you know, I was talking about how like, God told me to share my story. And sometime I'm like, "Oh my God." And so because I have this conviction to share my story, and Jeff, or my friend told me, my responsibility is my conviction. I am not responsible to the end result. And I think that like, from the childhood trauma that I've had to like trauma later in life, like, I get so caught up in trying to like control the end result, to trying to like shift the narrative and like make sure that I can, I can keep up. But when, like, really the whole point, the whole reason I came to TikTok was because I had a conviction to share my story because this man with power over me took advantage of it. And this is why, like, it was so, um, like, that's it. And that, and I did it. And I made a difference. I pissed a lot of people off, but, you know. So he's like, "We see a need. If we have the power to give, we give, right?" So I saw that there were a lot of unethical mental health professionals out there, whether it was my psychiatrist or the therapist hiking date. I was like, "God, there's, there's a lot of them."
[clears throat]
And so I was like, "Well, I'm, I'm in a really good headspace right now. I'm, I'm doing pretty well with my business. It's just me. I think I'm going to share my story." Like, I had the means to give. And so I gave. And then that's it. I'm leaving it at that. And, you know, he said, "Whether it's our time, talent, or treasures." So then he quoted Paul in Romans. He's Christian. And he said, "What is sin to one man is not sin to another." So just because people are looking at what I'm doing, like speaking about something, like they're like, "Oh, that's sinful." Not to me. And that's what matters. Okay, let's see what people are grateful for. Sunscreen. Ooh, can I show you guys my favorite sunscreen right now? It is like, well, maybe I won't show you, but it's Trader Joe's, the facial sunscreen from Trader Joe's. It's SPF 50. It comes in the, um, a blue box. It's 100% zinc oxide and I am obsessed with it. [clears throat] So, I'm, I love it. Peaches is grateful for her dog. Yay. Um, Elizabeth asks, "What did the guy want from you?" He didn't want anything. I just, I liked talking to him, so I invited him on his live and he decided to talk about his ex-girlfriend. Sam Bam says, "Grateful for my dog, sister, and books. I love to read so much." Yes, I think that people need to read more. What book are you reading right now, Sam Bam? Hey, Anton. Yeah, Sarah's good. A grateful for your kids and your dad. That's amazing, Megan. Um, I'm into spirituality, a higher power for sure. A really good headspace was I felt grounded. I felt in my body. I felt sure of myself and my story. Um, I thought that I had healed. [laughter] You know, even though God told me I needed EMDR therapy. Um, yeah, this, the spicy website. More than a body. That's amazing. Okay. Um, more than a body. That's good. I'm currently reading like three different books. Um, how am I feeling today? Really good. My friend and I went to a hot springs yesterday and it was amazing. It was like, just so wonderful. Um, I can get them. So, right now I'm listening to two books on Audible. One is the book, "So You've Been Publicly Shamed" by Jon Ronson. Pretty good. Second one is "Trauma and Recovery." Abby, the trauma therapist talks about it all the time and it's just like, whoa, blowing my mind. Um, this one is just about like feelings and how to feel all of our feelings before we tell our truth. This one was written by a friend of mine. Um, her, she was like, raised Mormon, like very fundamentalist Mormon, and one of her children came out as trans and is trans. So, she has a trans son. So, this book is about like learning her journey from like, not really knowing any trans people to like, fully accepting and loving her trans son. So, and this, um, was published by the same publishing house that's going to publish my book. And then I got this like, I don't like the term diet, but I've been, there's a lot of like, good stuff. Um, I've been working out a lot and so this is like, um, I've been enjoying like reading about food. Post-Nut Perfection. Oh, it's amazing. It's just so nice. Um, more than a body. I will. Yeah. All right. It is time. [clears throat] That was crazy. Men are going to men, you know. I like, even the best of them. [gasps] I have all the clippers blocked, but if [laughter] you guys want to tell me what they say. Oh boy. Okay.
[sighs]
Oh, I had such high hopes, but, you know, you just— [laughter] I had a man on. Yeah, I thought I was descentering men, too, Mike. I even told him that. He, he proved me, he proved me why I should because he asked me. He was like, "Are you dating anyone since this?" I'm like, "No, I'm descentering men. It's been great. Men will men. All right. Yeah, you did. But don't worry. Um, yeah. Good night.