Transcription
Hey, Violet. So let's continue our karmic relationship series today, twin flames and soul ties, and talk about the polarity of attraction because this is the core of what we are balancing within us, particularly as the divine feminine or the receptive um figure in the dynamic.
So, we we're learning balance. We're learning equanimity. We are maturing out of immature or misunderstood paradigms regarding how we relate to somebody in relationship. When we are working through an alchemical bond, when we are transmuting and transforming what is low vibe and unsafe into what's high vibe and secure, safe, and life-affirming. That's basically what's happening when we are in a transformative relationship. We are on the fast track to the individuation process, and a part of that is balancing your masculine and feminine forces. So you have balance, equanimity, equal give and take, cooperation, togetherness within ourselves, and we come to deeply understand what it is to be in relationship with someone else successfully. The nature of give and take, the nature of balance and fairness, sharing, sovereignty, independence, all of those things. We're learning what the truth of all of this is.
And so, in the beginning, when you're in a twinflame bond or you're transmuting a soul tie, both people, the divine masculine and well, yet to be divine masculine, the yet to be divine feminine, are typically in their opposite energy. The receptive person on the journey, the divine feminine, is in her masculine energy, her proactive energy. And the divine masculine, or perhaps will become the divine masculine, is in his feminine receptive player energy. And so you get women who chase and men who run and want to be chased. Men who want to be the prize or want to be the the female. They want to be the the receiver and the one that receives a great deal of affirming attention. And the women in these uh situations, or the feminine figures, doesn't have to be a woman. It can whatever it is that you identify as. What is the the uh the energy that resonates with you within yourself? The um the one that's playing the role of the divine feminine is actively pursuing, going after, and trying to land, at least energetically, the object of her affection. So she is in the role of the pursuer, the chaser. That's the masculine role because we're putting out energy in order to get something. Venus is the object of our desire, and that's the feminine force, the passive force. Mars is the passion and the energy that we use to act on the object of our desire to get what it is that we want.
And so, as we go through this process and we mature, and we deal at the heart of of most things when it comes to this particular issue, self-esteem problems, validation issues, things related to our worthiness, our own perception of our attraction. um and um how we want to be seen and loved. So we come to see and love ourselves first, first person, in the way that we are wanting from someone else. This is a big closing step, a big finishing part of that healing process, is we start to give ourselves, provide for ourselves, be for ourselves what it is that we wanted outside of ourselves externally in that other person. So it is very, very difficult for the feminine figure, the divine feminine figure on this journey, to hold back when it comes to going after, landing energetically, pursuing, and making ourselves available to what it is that's non, who it is that's either nonresponsive, not interested, not available, in and out, hot and cold, and um unprepared. Unprepared to have a mature, balanced, safe, alchemized, um, emotionally available bond.
So, we cannot give what it is that we have yet to embody. We can't um we really can't show up as a whole, complete individual as long as we are still in that energy of either running towards something or running away from something. And so the divine feminine goes through a process of calling back her energy, being receptive rather than active. Because when you are active, that will cause the masculine polarity to be always just out of reach, or sometimes far out of reach. But it is not magnetized. The the masculine player is not magnetized towards you. It's not coming towards you. And so when we start focusing on ourselves and stop trying to get something that is not available, is not ready, um, is not prepared, we bring all that energy back home. We start focusing on ourselves and we start healing. We start doing well. We start filling up our own life, filling up our own cup instead of being in vigilance, being hypervigilance, and trying to grasp over and over and over and over what it is that we think is going to be the fulfillment.
When we fulfill ourselves, that is when the polarities shift. But you have to grow and mature and be at peace and be receptive rather than active. See, when we're in hypervigilance, we want to make sure that something doesn't get away. We want to make sure that we land something or that we secure something. And when we heal and we come into allowance, we allow what is good for us to come towards us. And we allow what isn't resonating to go away from us. We don't stop it. We don't argue with it. We don't try to control it. We don't try to talk it into anything. You just accept, "Okay, this is magnetized towards me. This is good for me. This is available. This is resonating with me." And we start appreciating. We start noticing. We start enjoying what it is that we are grateful for, what we have, what is available, what is whole, complete, and perfect. And that starts to build on itself. We're not in a place of yearning, wanting, or feeling empty, that will bring that empty yearning response back to us. When we are in a position of grasping or of desperation, that is not an attractive place to be. That is a repellent energy to be in, and it is a controlling place to be in. When we're in hypervigilance or when we are actively trying to convince or control or land who it is that we want, it is a repellent, unattractive force because with it comes control. It comes, uh, with it comes us demanding, at least on a few levels, that the other person be what it is they need to be in order to help us soothe ourselves or control our anxiety or to manage our feelings or emotions. And that leads to an enormous amount of insecurity. If we're coming at somebody in hypervigilance, it will create out of insecurity, it will create more insecurity once we are in relationship with that person. And when they aren't responding to us in the way that we need, that's when we tend to get very aggressive and demanding. We can become very emotional, and that's what we are healing out of.
So, we never try to keep something or want something or grasp for something that isn't resonant, that isn't receptive, that isn't available, that isn't reciprocal. And we learn to recognize who just uh isn't in the same mood, the same lane, who isn't uh prepared for us. And we're able to sift through that. We're able to let that go. Because we come to value ultimately what is good for us, and we're able to withstand the loss of what isn't.
The divine masculine on the journey starts out pretty much all the time as a Peter Pan player, very promiscuous, sexually immature, financially immature, emotionally unavailable, emotionally immature. And they go through a process of learning to stick around, learning to create and provide safety. Because previous to healing, they are more used to using plutonic tools, creating obsession, uh, ghosting, hot and cold behavior, in and out. It's weak masculine energy that they'll often be trained into believing is the way to secure something. It's the best way to get something. It's the best way to make sure that something doesn't leave. These are controlling tactics. Both people are learning to grow out of using control and plutonic tools and being in a mood of allowing. We're not trying to get any kind of artificial response or commitment out of the other person.
So, it is a process of understanding, uh, kind of an old-fashioned way of participating in dynamic romantic relationships. We're learning the things that, um, women and men who have a healthy amount of self-respect and self-control already, always knew. So, we're learning to be an active, healthy masculine pursuer if that's our role. And we are learning to be a healthy, receptive, allowing feminine figure if that's our role. And if allowing means that, um, how we naturally are, if we're just being ourselves, isn't a resonant match, that means we allow that to leave our life because you'll alchemize out of this idea that the other person is your perfect and only match as you heal through this, because you'll come to see more and more who they really are beyond your projections, beyond that interpretation that they are the perfect other.
We learn on the alchemical journey that the other person is not the perfect other. They come with a lot of, they come with a lot of problems, a lot of humanity. But we get to choose if we, if we want to take somebody as they are and all of their healed, safe humanity, or if we just want the dream, we just want the fantasy. Because many, many times, the actual reality of the person is not included in the fantasy. We're willfully looking past that and explaining away the reality of who the other person is so we can perceive them in the way where we get to view and behold that perfect other. And so there always comes this bend in the road in an alchemical journey when we see who the person, the other person, really is, and it shatters the illusion. And this is when we have two types of journeys that split off. We have a type of karmic relationship that will end. We'll work our way through it. We'll see that that person was not what we thought that they were, and we don't recover and we accept it and we move on because we're like, "There ain't no way." Or if it's an actual alchemical journey, we will have the opportunity to accept the other person for who they actually are. Flawed human. That's where the unconditional love comes from. That's that big step towards loving somebody really.
And sometimes we get to the other side. Some people do heal enough where they, they're able to come together and not treat each other, not respond to each other, not relate to each other out of anxiety, out of fear, out of hypervigilance, out of attachment wounds, out of shame. We heal out of all of that. And it does remove the karmic charge. If you heal your nervous system, that person who sparked the journey, they won't have the kind of power over you that they used to because you've worked through the charge. You've worked through the obsession. You've worked through the limerence. You've worked through the attachment issues. You've worked through the abandonment wounds. And you come out on, you come out on the other side, and you see them. You really see them. And it is a beautiful evenness. We're not one is not high above the other. Nobody's on a pedestal. There's just an appreciation. And there isn't an appreciation before when we're in fantasy land because we don't have access. We can't see the whole spectrum of that person. We just want the sugar. And if it's up to us, we'll have them leave the rest. Well, in an alchemical process, everything changes. Everything alchemizes. We go into the dark night of the soul and we turn into a pool of mushy goo while we're in our cocoon. And when we emerge, we are not the same person. And we may be so not the same person that we are not even attracted to the person that sparked our journey because we have vibrated up and away out of that old frame, and it just doesn't resonate anymore. We grew out of it.
Sometimes the other person will respond to that. They will reflect that, and they will vibrate up themselves. They will alchemize. They will level up. That can happen. But it's only when you pull your energy away and you are done with being attached to any kind of outcome regarding that person. As long as we still have those energetic feelers in, we are into them. We still got a hook, and they never have to change. They never have to level up if they ever wanted a connection with us because on some level, we've still got a hook in there. We're still attached. And it's when all of the attachment to the outcome and that person being any particular thing for us is gone, that's when it may show up as something whole, complete, and that offers safety. But every single psychic leech, emotional tendril, every hook has to be out. And it's a paradox. Only by unhooking will it might show up. But if we're hooked, if we're attached, it will always remain out of our grasp. And so it's a risk letting it go. It is a risk because as long as we don't let it go, then we can always stay obsessed and attached. We can always have that fantasy. And it is a fantasy that it may turn around and be exactly what we want it to be. But when we let it go and we trust life, it either comes back around and it is something that we deserve, or we get something that is better. We get something that's a better resonant match. But you never lose when you go through an alchemical journey. You never lose. You always gain yourself. And you can gain something infinitely better than you ever thought.
But we do have to be prepared as divine feminines on this journey to start enjoying our own attention and energy. None of that gets to leak. None of that gets to to go anywhere. We don't we don't get to invest that in anybody else and um being waiting or wishful thinking or limerence because this is about emotionally maturing, living, and being happy with what we've thought because we heal our our our parental abandonment complexes when we go through this journey. And that's one of the big reasons that we're holding out, that we're attached, that we we need that other person's response or validation or or attention. Because on a deeper level, it is making up for the loneliness and the lack of facetime and attention that we got in those very, very early, uh, bonds with our parents. And we're working through these parental abandonment complexes as we are pulling our energy back towards us and not waiting for that person to satisfy that inner yearning because they can't. Even before they finish the process, or if they don't finish the process, they cannot give you what you need. They're not in a position to do it. And so if we end up getting the relationship we think we want before we finish the journey, it's problems on top of problems. You do not want something that is not completely baked when you're on this journey because you get more of the same weak energy coming towards you. It's more of the same. And it's when we finally cut it off and we're like, "No more cycles. No more cycles." Maybe it will mature into something safe and viable, but if it doesn't, you become a resident, a resonant match for something that again is better than your wildest dreams.
And so, pay attention to your posture when you're on this journey. Are you in a posture of poise? Are you poised as a divine feminine? Are you poised? That means you are you're waiting. You're still invested. You still have an attachment to an outcome. And our nervous system is lit on fire as divine feminines on this journey. It goes into hyper overdrive when you have that soul recognition, and you end up wired and tired at the same time. And as we heal, we start to relax. We start to sleep again. We start to eat regularly. We start to soothe ourselves. Whereas before, it is this vibrating nerve of tension. It feels like that feeling right before you go on stage. And, uh, we can't live in that poised, you know, waiting for the next adrenaline drop in the bucket forever. But we may be in that position for months to years when we're working through these, alchemizing these attachment issues within ourselves. So when we start to relax, when we start to sleep again, when we start to rest, when we start to feel at peace, when we're soothed, this is a big step when we know we're getting towards the end of it because it's initially that nervous system recognition that's part of the the soul recognition, right? They have that overwhelming response to somebody that you never saw coming in the very, very beginning stages of this kind of journey. Our nervous system is also responding to that. It's not just soul recognition. It's also our nervous system recognizing everything that we need to heal from, and it is attracted to all of it. They're mirroring. That other person is mirroring what it is that we are craving inside of ourselves. And ultimately, we're not craving them. We're craving ourselves. We're we're craving our wholeness. We see in them the potential for a whole, complete person, and we become that. Whether or not that relationship shows up for us in any real way, it was meant to spark our becoming.
So, it takes different lengths of time for different people to go through this. For some people, it can take decades. The sooner that you can get to where you're you're not in waiting energy anymore. You're not trying to land it. You're not negotiating. You're not cajoling. You're just done. The sooner it might show up for you. And if it doesn't, it's because it wasn't a resonant match. You just thought it was. And sometimes we do come together on this journey, and we do resonate for small periods, brief periods, and we fly apart again. That gives us a chance to, in those separations, heal so we don't bring any of that toxicity into a potentially divine union. But when we level up and we heal and we heal, we may come together for the last time. That may be the last resonant bubble up, and we have to be prepared for that. Because what we come in together, what we come together with in partnership the next time is a match that that other person was not going to be able to manage.
So, when we let it go and we say, "You know what, whatever will be, will be. I'm not going to control it. They can be on whatever path and whatever time frame they're on." That's when we come into freedom. We can start thinking about ourselves again. And when we start living a life where we're making choices irrespective of what's going on with that other person, we don't even take that into consideration. Not to say that we don't have respect for them, but we don't make plans or form ideas or goals for our life that have something to do with where they are, what they might want or might not want. That is not something that we are using as any kind of regulation or boundary or guardrail in our life. That's another big clue that you're getting to the end of your codependency thinking here and starting to think about your own life first person.
So, it's a painful process because healing is painful. It is. That's why we avoid it. It's the same concept of why do we avoid rehab? Well, we know that we need to go there in order to get well, but it's going to be hell for a couple of days, weeks, and we want to avoid that. You can't avoid the suffering when this kind of emotional evisceration happens. So the sooner that we get down to the business of being with ourselves because we don't want to be with ourselves initially. That's why we're constantly about that other person, reaching out, wanting to grasp that other person. There's that feeling that they are the cure. We have to really realize that being with ourselves, being at peace with ourselves, being delighted with ourselves, wanting our own validation and time and attention and being jealous about it, protecting that, that is the ticket to a relationship where both people show up whole and complete, and we don't demand anything from the other person. We don't need to because the chemistry is right. It's a good match. You don't have to force anything.
In karmic relationships, there's a lot of force and very little allowance because we're dealing with attachment and protecting ourselves accordingly. We don't have to protect ourselves because we are when when we've gone through the alchemizing process and we're in a relationship that's about compassion and attachment. We're not afraid of the loss. We don't operate out of fear. We don't relate to each other out of anxiety. That is not any of the motivating reasons for the for why we do things. And that's all the reasons in karmic relationships is avoidance of loss and anxiety and, um, grief. But we are able to handle all of our feelings when we've come through the end of this process. And because we can handle our feelings, we can manage our own emotions. We don't need the other person to be that regulator. They are allowed to be who they are. And we can see them completely where we could not see them completely before.
So, there's a lot of people going through this. A lot of people because this is one of the main ways that we're learning about healthy relationships going into the age of Aquarius. We're coming out of the dowry system paradigm, out of control paradigms, and coming into real relationship. No more hierarchical relationships where it's top-down kind of business. It doesn't work in the age of Aquarius. And so this is one of the main ways that we are collectively leveling up and coming into relationships where we are friends first. We are on each other's side. It's a win-win. So relationships that are based in compassion, nonattachment are typically not attractive to people that have not yet alchemized. They don't have the intensity. They don't have the jitters. There isn't the anxiety. We're not living on the edge of our seat. These are soothing, safe, peaceful places to be. Before we've healed, our nervous system typically is not attracted to that. It's attracted to what, to to what we've had as children, to where we've come from. It's looking to master those things. And when we let all that go and we heal and we come into stable, loving, consistent relationships, we do not have the ups and downs that provide that constant, uh, fuel for drama in plutonic relationships. And so we can look at relationships that are healthier, based in compassion, nonattachment, before we've alchemized, as very boring and unsatisfying. And we could even look at it like we're going through this mourning process, like that's what I have on the other side. That's all there is. We get along and appreciate each other. What, what am I going to do with that? That doesn't make me horny.
But your nervous system, it, it goes through a period of yes, after it is kind of a deflationary thing once we get to the other side. I will admit that it's a period of accepting that, um, there won't be the push-pull anymore. There won't be the grasping or the desperation. Your attention is not going to be riveted on that person or that situation anymore because there's this opening. There's this, this heart opening, really, where it actually allows a lot more in, a lot of it. It, it expands your capacity to love, to appreciate, to resonate, and it expands it beyond getting everything that you need or want from that person or that one bond. They're a part of what makes us happy, but they are not the end-all, be-all of our life. We're in karmic relationships or plutonic relationships. That is the goal. That person will be that you, our plutonic fuel, and and we'll be able to be on that high forever. But you can only be on that high if you go up and down. You have to continually rupture in order to get that chemical high again. And in compassionate, non-attachment relationships, because we have very little to no conflict, it's almost always peaceful. If your nervous system isn't attuned to that, it's not attractive. You could even have really good relationships in your life, and and they can actually be based in compassion, non-attachment. Some plutonic people will actively push those away because they don't see that as love. If you're not chasing me, if you're not losing your, if I, if I broke up with you and then you didn't accept it and and you're you're threatening me all over social media, I mean, obviously you must not love me. The thoughts like that because there's always this idea of proving, proving, proving, proving, even if, um, we tell somebody we don't want to be with them, we, and on some level, are expecting them to prove to us by not accepting that we don't that they, we don't want to be with them, how important we are. In compassion, nonattachment, we just accept that when someone says, "I don't want to be with you or this isn't working for me," we accept it. We would never argue with that. We never stand in the way of somebody having exactly what they want because we don't engage in plutonic positioning. So in compassion, nonattachment relationships, when you say that you want something, it's because you mean it. It's not because you're trying to get something out of the other person.
So, it's a process of, um, staying home, staying home with yourself, staying with your emotions, staying with your anxieties, solving your own attachment issues. There is nothing that the other person does for us on this journey other than wound us until we come to the end of it. And then maybe we can have a good go at things. But, um, we need to be realistic about these things. There's a lot of, um, you know, fantastical stories and expectations about soul ties and twin flames, and people tend to see it as the end-all, be-all of living if you can get that kind of bond. But I would not wish it on my worst enemy. It is the worst thing that you will go through, and it will lead you to the best version of yourself. So work on your attachment issues if you're in this process. Work on staying with your emotions. Work on soothing your own emotions.
All right, that's what I got for today. So, I am going to go over and talk with my subscribers, um, on my, uh, YouTube subscriber channel here. If you guys want to join the inner circle, grab a subscription, a membership, and join me over there, and we will do some more talking. Uh, we have a couple of questions here. Oh, this resonated for a lot of people. I'm so glad. Happy holidays, guys. Thank you very much. Yes, we would look at moon and aspects to Venus in particularly, in particular, to see attachment issues or things related to I love style or relationship stuff. Uh, what do I mean when I say alchemized? I mean transformed. Um, oh, you're welcome, Naive Bloom. Um, am I in a healthy relationship at the moment? Yes, I am very, very much so in a relationship that is all about compassionate non-attachment. And, um, it's nothing but peace. It's nothing but ease. It's nothing but safe. And it is possible for you to have something in your life that is respectful, easy, secure, healthy. All right, guys. I am going to switch over to my special PE. Have we been on for an hour? How did that happen? How did that happen? Oh my god, it feels like it's been five minutes. Okay. Um, I will catch you guys probably not tomorrow because I have appointments just stacked up one on top of each other all day tomorrow. But I will try to check in with you guys Tuesday, and we will do another installment in our series. You guys have a great day.