Transcription
So, you've seen the narcissistic rage and probably been a part of or privy to an ice cold narcissistic discard, but you've never seen the moment when the internal software of a narcissist collapses, right? When it actually crashes. Today, I'm taking you inside a narcissistic collapse. The moment when we lose control of the narrative and our entire world comes crashing down, tumbling down. The intro. The intro. [laughter] No, seriously, y'all. That's what we're talking about today, y'all. The narcissistic collapse, man.
If you don't know what a collapse is, a narcissistic collapse happens when we lie to ourselves, right? When we lie to ourselves and the lies don't work anymore. Like maybe you left, maybe you discarded us, maybe you broke up with us, maybe we saw online that you're happy you moved on after we left you, right? Or something happened. Maybe I got exposed at work. You just never know, right? Suddenly the superior internal vision that a internal vision or the superior version of that we have of ourselves, it no longer exists. So without that, it's kind of like the foundation of the narcissist, the foundation of our ego no longer exists.
Just imagine a you've been to the beach before, right? Imagine those stilt houses on the beach and one of the stilts gets snapped somehow. What happens? The house more than likely will come crashing down. That's what a narcissistic collapse looks like. We are stand our egos are built on the beach and something happens. we get exposed. Our egos get destroyed and one of those foundational stilts gets busted up, right? And what happens right there, instead of asking for help, that narcissistic person typically lashes out in an in in an effort to keep the house from crashing down and whatnot. Y'all, it really is a cold inside the mind of a nar the the old collapse.
Y'all, if you're watching a narcissist fall apart right now, if you're part if you're seeing a narcissist collapse right now, don't try to save them. I promise you, your empathy that that high the empathy core, the empathy center that you have will be used against you. It's the fuel that they will use to rebuild that stilt, right? Rebuild that stilt to rebuild their foundation and the ego will be back intact. And guess what happens? they'll take it out on you, right?
A narcissistic collapse is the only time when a narcissist is forced to see the truth. It's very capable. It's very, like, think about it like this. It's very akin to rock bottom. Now, I know y'all heard me talk about rock bottom before, right? Like, it's very akin to a narcissist hitting rock bottom. Like, we no longer can blame anybody else. Y'all heard my story very recently about how I came home and my wife was gone. Like that's one of my most my videos that is doing well right now. I came home. The title is called I came home. My wife was gone. That's what the thumbnail says, right? [snorts] Think about it like this. That was a narcissistic collapse, right? And I told y'all like in my mind when my wife was gone uh and my wife's left, each time my wife has left, I think I've experienced a narcissistic laugh. The first time she left was when she came home and I was literally losing my mind, screaming, yelling, doing all kinds of stuff in the house with my six-month old son, right? I was losing like literally in there yelling top of my lungs. When she left, it broke that l it broke a stilt, right? It did break a stilt. I was having a narcissistic collapse. I had no one else to blame for for my financial ruin, my physical. I was I were overweight. I was like literally mental, physical, financial, emotional ruin. And because she was gone, I could no longer blame her. It's kind of like she was the stilt. Her empathy was the stilt I was talking about earlier. You know what I mean? And when she left that stilt, I got a piece of wood right here. Had a one of my kids toys right here. Like little thing that not toys, something a school project. That stilt snapped, right? Because she's gone. But remember memory y'all told y the story the first time she did come back very quickly. So that stilt got reaffirmed. You see what I'm saying? I did end up going to therapy. But when [snorts] I was alone, when I was forced to face myself, it was the scariest moment of my life. I was literally forced to face myself. And I had I had a choice to make. Am I going to sit here and stew and just be angry at everybody else or or am I going to take the tough road and blame myself?
Because during that narcissistic collapse, like I could just always blame her like, "Oh, we oh, she wanted to have kids. So that's why I don't have enough money to invest in my business or to do this or do that. I don't have time to hang my friends because she has kids and that's why my relationships are ruined. That's why my friends never invite me to anything anymore because why would they? because they know I'm not going to come because my wife is doing this. My wife don't want me there. My wife, my wife, my wife, blah blah blah boom boom b. You see what I'm saying? That's what ends up happening right there. That's the space that so many so many of us fall into. Like we don't know. And I was completely lost. I really was. And during that collapse, I didn't know what the hell to do. So yeah, I started looking up. My wife on the way out the door, she called me a narcissist, right? So yeah, I saw looking up the word narcissist. I like maybe going down this rabbit hole will help me figure out something. Maybe going down this rabbit hole will help me figure out what exactly is going on internally or whatever the hell. Maybe I can fix me right by going down this rabbit hole of narcissism. What is a narcissist? My wife called me a narcissist. Did you mean narcissistic personality disorder? Well, I didn't mean that. But hey, let's talk about it. You see what I'm saying? I didn't mean narcissistic personality disorder. Hey, let's get into it. And then the signs, traits, and symptoms of NPD made sense to me because for the longest period of time, I had looked at myself as the victim, right? I was the victim of everything. I was always the victim. I was always able to paint myself as a victim. My dad wasn't around. He was he was present, but he wasn't around emotionally. My dad was literally emot very emotionally disconnected man. Right? I know y'all going to say, "Of course your dad was around. Leah, Nope, he was around. He was just emotionally disconnected. He was just emotionally neglectful. He was around." Um, I could always blame him, right? I can blame my mom for me. My mom worked second shift for a long time. So, I had to cook and stuff for my my me and my twin brother had to cook and stuff for our little brothers and we had to do that type of stuff. I could blame my mom, right? I could blame my girlfriend who broke who broke my heart and left me my uh my very first girlfriend who broke my heart and left me for somebody else. I could blame her, right? I could blame my hatred of women. I could blame my mistreatment of women on her, right? I could blame my the reason I didn't go play college football or something on my mama. I could say my mom needed me to help pay bills, right? In all actuality, I was afraid. I was a I was literally a victim for a very long time of my own life, right? And it sucks saying it out loud now, y'all, cuz it really it really does suck, man, because I was a victim for so long. And I could play the victim nowadays. I could still the stuff the stuff I said back then I could use right now. I absolutely could. But vict playing the victim gets me nowhere. I wasn't an actual victim. I was playing one. It's a role. It's a character. I wasn't an actual victim. You see what I'm saying? I can always find a way to perpetually victimize myself. But my wife was gone. I can no longer blame my I can no longer blame her. I wasn't talking to my mom at the time. I couldn't blame her. My dad, no relationship as an adult, right? Couldn't blame him. My kids, they kids. The hell they ask to be bored. Couldn't blame them. Collapse. Like this image of myself as this strong man, blah blah blah. I got money. I look good. I looked at myself in the mirror. I'm overweight. Teeth messed up. I'm just like, I got bad tattoos. I'm like, I who the hell am I, right? I didn't know who I was.
So, at the age of 32 years old, I did have a narcissistic collapse. It wasn't a full collapse, right? because my wife did come back very soon. She did come back quickly, but she was going to leave again. She came back, what was that? February of that year. February 2017, March, whatever. She did come back like in a couple days, like, but later on down the road, October of that year, she was going to leave again. So, I really did go to therapy. 2017, she was going to leave again. And it helped kind of like reaffirm myself, right? I was in therapy for about 2 and 1/2 years, but I wasn't really putting in the work. It was more performative. I was getting help. Of course, I was getting help, but I because I wasn't being 100% honest with my therapist, it wasn't really helping me out to the to the amount that it needed to help me out, right? It wasn't helping it wasn't doing me justice, so to speak. You know what I mean? So, that sucked. But when she did, like when she left again, go back and see go back go back see my other video. I came home and she was gone. That really snapped that last foundational piece and I had another collapse. I cried in the mirror looking at myself. Who the hell are you? I had more money. My teeth were better. I was slimmer. You see what I'm saying? Good. Had good hair. I was good. And I was just like, but I didn't know who I was. My identity was shattered because she wasn't there. I thought I was a good husband and a good father. Lie, right? Wasn't true. So, I had to collapse. I was I went to went into the darkness. I thought about punching the mirror when she was gone. I was like, I'mma punch this mirror right now. But who would that what would that solve? What would this violence against the mirror solve? cuz I only person hurt. I was about to punch the mirror and I thought about the light. I've seen enough movies to know I punch this mirror, I'mma slice my damn hand open. I'm be here bleeding and I'm going to get angrier and then I'm be in the hospital. What the hell I'm going to do right now? You see what I'm saying? What? What? What? What the hell is going on? What? What could I What What What would be the point? You know what I mean? What would be the point? I was lost. And I just like I told myself I made a promise to myself. Instead of breaking the mirror, I sat in the mirror and cried. Cried for the old version of me. Cried because I no longer got to play the victim. It's hard. Yeah. It's hard letting go of victimhood, right? It is extremely difficult thing to let go of that self victimization I had going on for so long. I was 30 at this time. What 2020? I was like what 34, right? I was just like, "Okay, let's take therapy 100% serious. let's go in the therapist's office and just be honest even if it hurts, even if it sucks, even if I can't play the victim anymore. And that's when I actually started getting better.
So, from the ages of 35 to where I'm at right now at 40, my life has gotten way better. It just has. My life has gotten way better because I've been willing to put the work in. My life has gotten way better because I've been willing to just not no longer play the victim. My life has gotten way better because I've I've been able to rebuild that stilt that that stilt that broke and had my house come tumbling down. I was able to rebuild that on my own, right, with therapy and the help of my therapist and my family, what not, my wife, you know, she helped. Um, but I also I also didn't just rebuild that one stilt. I went down and systematically tore down all the other stilts that I felt like were holding up that false ego. The financial stilt, the emotional stilt, the mental stilt, the physical stilt, all of it. I tore it down. I had to rebuild my personality. And that's why you see me now. If you knew me back then, you probably you probably talk to me right now. You see me online, like, damn, he different. Cuz I am. I'm not the same person I was. I can still make jokes. I still funny, y'all. stuff. If you knew me from back then, if you knew me growing up in Reedsville, North Carolina in region, you know, Regent Rams, class of 2003, right? If you knew me back then and whatnot, you be like, "Who the hell is that guy now? I know he was in I went to school with him. He he wouldn't act like that." No, I'm different. I was a victim back then. I'm no longer a victim.
So, narcissistic collapses or rock bottoms are the only way narcissists can actually decide to make the choice to change their behaviors. You can't keep you can't keep holding them up, right? Just imagine you. This just imagine you. They're their foundation is coming down, right? They're about to hit rock bottom. They're about to have that narcissistic collapse. And instead of letting them have this collapse, you go rescue them. So, just imagine you, your own personal body, taking the place of that stilt you're holding up. Like, imagine you on the beach right now. You're holding up a corner of a house. There's big huge wooden stilts that are probably designed to to to carry thou to just hold thousands of pounds, right? You over here on the edge holding it up, shaking because you love them. [laughter] Sometimes if you love them, you have to let it come crashing down, y'all. You have to let them have this collapse and you have to get away from them for a little bit as well, just to be safe because you never know. When they have collapse, when they're questioning their ego, sometimes it's because you left, right? It doesn't mean that they will get better. A narcissistic collapse could absolutely mean that you're in danger. You see what I'm saying? Remember I told you a few minutes ago I thought about breaking the mirror. I was going to get violent, but I made the decision not to. But not all narcissists are self as self-aware or self-present as I am, right? I knew I was like, if I punch this mirror, I'm I'm going to be bleeding everywhere. So, I'm not going to do that. [snorts] But not every narcissist is going to be able to make that decision in a conscientious, safe way. Some of them are going to have the thoughts of hurting you. And some of them cannot stop those thoughts. They will try to follow through and hurt you. So if they're having a narcissistic lapse, it's the only way that they can change and get better. But it's also could mean that you're in danger. So you have to be safe, y'all.
Anyways, y'all, if you haven't already, you have kids, make sure to check out my kids book. It's called Remember. It's called Remember, It's Not Your Fault. It's available on Amazon right now. is a good conversation starter to talk to those kids about toxic relationship dynamics, self-love, self-appreciation, body positivity, all of the other good stuff. Y'all hit the subscribe button. I'm out.