Transcription
Alrighty, guys. Welcome back to the channel. Today, a different one for the SRRI. Three genuine reasons you're not getting any women. The links in the video description for those of you who want to learn from the master herself. And for those who don't, let's uh have a chat about it, have a bit of a laugh, and learn a thing or two.
>> Hey guys, welcome back to another episode of the Self-confidence Project. I'm your host, Kimberly. I'm a men's life, dating, and relationship coach. And today we're going to
>> What even is that? What is a men's life dating and relationship coach? You're a woman. How can you actually be that? And guys are watching it. They're eating it up. They're loving it. You should be getting coaching or advice for that matter of men from men who have done the things you want to do. Not by women who have never experienced them and don't live in the same dimension as men. Yes. Get a life coaching off a off a woman. [laughter] Okay. They live on a different planet than us.
>> Talking about something hugely hugely important, which is the reasons why many of you guys honestly struggle with dating, why you struggle to find the right woman, why you struggle within dating altogether. Now, I do a lot of videos on things like texting mistakes and things to be mindful of in terms of behavior, but honestly, I feel like this is one of the most important videos I can put out there. Cuz I've been coaching men for many years now. And when I see the
>> coaching men what about what? How does this person have a business? What are you guys doing? Give me your wallets. Give me your credit cards. They're being confiscated. They're being confiscated. Oh, a woman's on the internet telling me how to get chicks. I better I better hand over my card and get some coaching. How many chicks has she picked up? Uh, zero. How much uh how many uh days has she lived as a man in the man's world experiencing the life of a man? Zero. Yeah. Oh, let's pay for it, though. Let's get some coaching, boys. Get some life coaching. These behaviors that I'm going to share with you today, these types of men tend to struggle with women. They tend to struggle to get the relationships they want. They tend to struggle to get the results they want with women. So, I want you guys to stay tuned to the end of today's podcast video because truth be told, if you're noticing that you're buying into one of these three behaviors that I'm going to share with you today, or maybe you're doing all three of them, then take stock. Because when it comes to improving any area of our lives, it takes self-awareness and then the willingness to want to work on these things so that we can show up differently. Not necessarily show up radically differently, but just show up differently so that we get different results because we know that if we do the same behaviors over and over again, we're going to get the same results over and over again. So, it's
>> funny coming from women. Let's talk about the things that women do over and over again. Chasing the same kind of guys. I've made lots of videos on this channel and my other men's channels in relation to this, [snorts] constantly seeking men far above their own station in life, guys who are never going to commit to them. They turn themselves inside out. They call whatever they had, which is generally a pump and dump scenario. They call that a situationship to make themselves feel like they had something that was almost was almost there. They just missed out. Then the guy rips their guts out because he doesn't care about him. And guess what? They go and chase another guy just like that again. And they keep doing it. While there are a lot of men out there who don't play these stupid [ __ ] games that these women talk about, texting and being flirty and charming and being like James Bond, a bit of kino, [snorts] you know, set the mood, set the tone, be seductive. Don't just be a normal person and being yourself. No, no. Put an act on. But those guys who aren't good at that or don't want to do that, they're boring. They're invisible to women. Women like the game, the fun. That's why you got this coaching from women because it's teaching men how to play into the fantasy that women love, which is to get a lot of attention, special treatment, excitement, and mystery, which all result in a dopamine spike for them. That's all it is. Do you ever see women making videos around how can maybe women act, maybe change their standards to attract a good man or accept a good man into their life who is probably far better than what she deserves anyway instead of chasing something fake. I think the whole world would be better if they were creating stuff like that. But no, no, no guys, let's get some coaching on how to be complete simps. Complete s life coaching for that matter. If any any of you guys getting a life coaching from women, so help me. So help me. Women's lives, most women's lives, especially single ones off dating apps and women this age, you know, 40 plus and 35 plus, complete dumpster fires. Generally don't have two cents to rub together. Everything's everything's paid for on finance. They live hand to mouth. They think they're boss babe because they get paid every month and they pay their bills. Well done. Good on you, mate.
>> [laughter]
>> You're going to take life advice from that. You're going to take life advice from that. How many women do you know who will read, you know, I don't know, the Harvard Business Review or do do analysis and and and company research and looking for investments, reading Time magazine, learning about stuff. How many? None. They're all on bloody Tik Tok, mate. Yeah. Let's get some life and investment advice from women. Yeah. Okay. Do you know what women's investment investment advice is? Spend all your money cuz you get more next week. You get more next month. Let's go on holiday. G. You live in the now. Oh, you got to save all your money till you're old. When you when you're dead. If you've been dating for some time and it's been frustrating for you, then stay tuned because I'm going to dive into these three common things that I see with a lot of men that hold them back from finding great women and having great relationships. Now, the very first thing I want to talk about
>> is having unrealistic expectations.
>> This on its own will mess up your dating experiences. It will mess up your relationships. And I know all too well because when I was dating, I had very unrealistic expectations. Okay. And when I got into relationships, I had very unrealistic expectations.
>> There you go. There you go. She's admitted it now.
>> Wow. It might be sentient. It might be self-actualizing. It might be reflective. Expectations. In fact, a lot of my expectations were on what others should do
>> and so much less on what I needed to do to be the right woman to attract the types of partners and relationships I want to have. So,
>> yeah, she's an expert cuz some idiot, some sucker took her on. Just like you get all these women who were former women running around acting like ladies of the night and near they get a boyfriend or a husband. All of a sudden they're an expert life guru cuz some sucker who doesn't know nothing about women took her on. Call me Call me harsh. Call me ruthless on that. That's that's the bonafide truth. Oh, what really is unrealistic expectations in the context of dating? Well, guys, if you're out there dating and you expect women to develop emotional attachments to you early on, you probably have unrealistic expectations.
>> We don't want that. Guys don't want that. What What guy ever thinks they want a woman to be emotionally attached to? Yes, you got Kelvin's out there. You got Larry's out there. I get it. Most guys are out there thinking, they're not on the on the dating apps swiping through their profiles thinking, "God, I want to find a girl to find out fall in love with me." He's thinking, "I want to get that dim sim just released." That's what he's thinking about. And I'm going to get someone in the comments, "Well, not me, GM. I'm actually a really good gentleman, and that's the last thing. I just want some company." Fair enough. You guys are out there, too. But majority of guys, they're on dating apps. They're shopping for action, and then they work it out after then. No one's saying I want to have a deep spiritual uh connection with a woman very quickly. That's the last thing you want. You don't want that happening.
>> If you are expecting women to reply to your texts within minutes, you probably have unrealistic expectations.
>> Yeah. But they're holding their phone at all times. They know when messages come through. Woman and their phone are not separated. So, if you are having a gut feeling that she's not being responsive, reasonable within a reasonable amount of time, I can tell you why. There's other guys on the go, other guys she's talking to, or she just doesn't give a [ __ ] about you. I can tell you that now. If a woman really like a guy, she will be holding that thing, staring at the screen, waiting for your name to come up with a message. Bing, and it says, you know, Joe Blogs has messaged one unread eye message, Joe Blogs, and she is just ecstatic. She's gotten that massive dopamine hit that you've reached out to her. So, if they're not responding to you, I'm going to say minutes. They're not respond to you in half an hour, 15, 20, they've got their phone, unless they're doing something, they're at work or whatever. Even then, they've got it on the desk face up right next to their keyboard or wherever they work on a bench somewhere, they can see it. That's not too much of a high expectation. Women phones, tell you that. You got to get the [ __ ] things. Going to say that uh the phone went flat and they couldn't text her back and blah blah blah. If a woman loses charge on her phone, she will somehow charge it. She will ask some stranger on the street for a charger cable and she'll go get a McDonald's which will sit and plug it into the wall. She'll go and buy a new charge cable. She'll buy a a battery bank, you know, these little battery packs and use that. Don't worry, desperation. If there is a Chad on the scene, she ain't she ain't going to miss out. If you want women that are really eager to meet you multiple times a week, you might be dating with unrealistic expectations. The truth is that the way you operate in dating and the timeline you operate with in dating and the emotional attachments that you have to women early on in dating are not always going to mirror or equal those of the person you're dating. The truth is with real dating, building genuine connections, sometimes people are on different timelines. We have to understand that we have different communication skills with other people. And we want to make sure they're not we're not bringing in any unrealistic expectations of what people will do for us, what they're going to provide to us. Because when we do, we've got our expectations. We have the reality of most people. And then this leaves room for a lot of disappointment. Also, if you guys have not checked your own expectations,
>> she's trying to say, "Men, set your expectations to be realistic." Is this the biggest load of [ __ ] you've ever heard? Guys basically have no real expectations. They'll put up with a lot of [ __ ] Most guys will just even be in the same room with a woman, for a woman to go on a date with them, to go out for dinner with them. The guy will get punched in the head by her 15 times, and he'll be happy to pay for dinner if there's maybe some action at the end of it. Oh, guys, your expectations. Like these rules that apply to women, they do not apply to men because men don't have these stupid delusional expectations. Men, most men come from a place of scarcity. They have zero expectation. You should have some expectations. You don't. I've been a young Steo. I know what's going on. You don't care about expectations. You just want to get some action. You want to get the dim sim. And lonely guys, they don't have any expectations. They just want someone to meet up with them because they're they're lonely. They want a connection. They're going to let women treat them like absolute [ __ ] That's the average experience for most men on the dating app, getting treated absolute [ __ ] by women. It's not because men have high standards. Men have got next to no standards for most most part. Anyway, I'm ranting and we all know that and that's why you're here. This stuff pisses me off. Uh if you are new to the channel, consider subbing. Let's let's get this channel growing. I'm un I'm not monetized at the moment, but I'm going to continue to make these videos every single day for you. Every single day, I'm still going to pump one out on this channel no matter what. I'm not getting any ad revenue or anything for it. Um, and that's fine. If you guys do want to support the channel further, you can check out the locals link and become a paid member there if you'd like. I got uh archive content there that's no not available anywhere else. I've got vlogs there. You can see what I look like. You It's all on there. Uh if you do want to support the channel uh through the PayPal link, please do that if you would like to. People are asking me how to do it. That's how you do it. If you don't want to do any of those things, all good. Just keep watching me here, but share with your friends and watch the videos through. And I've got a good feeling that 2026 is going to be really great year for this channel, which is obviously only made possible by you guys come and watch me every single day and a part of the growth journey. Let's continue ranting
>> or really had great role models around you of what healthy dating interactions look like or what healthy relationships look like, then this might be playing a role into why you are expecting particular behaviors because maybe that's what's been modeled to you. Maybe that's what you've seen. Maybe you're relying too much on Disney movies or Hollywood to give you a sense of what dating and romance should look like. That stuff is fake. It's not real. And so it's really important to kind of check yourself before you
>> What are you talking about? Guys don't even think about romance. We're not watching um how to uh ghost the girlfriend's past and movies like that and think we're going to get this um experience like that. Guys just happy to be there. As I said, there's no romance. No guys thinking, "Oh, she's not doing this or saying that. She's gone. That's a red flag." That's female [ __ ] This does not apply to men. As I said, men will go for some pretty horrid looking women. Horrid. Long as it's got a hole, he's there. The dim sum can go there. He's there a lot of the time. Not saying it's all your boys, but most guys, they're going to take what they can get. Beggars can't be choosers. There's none of this standard she's talking about.
>> who get into the dating space to understand, hey, what am I expecting from people and is this reasonable, realistic, and is it fair? If you don't check your expectations, right, what you're going to do is you're going to create unnecessary pressure for the woman that you're dating. She is going to feel like she is being rushed or that she simply just can't meet your expectations. And what she's going to do is she's going to exit stage left. She's going to say, "Look, this isn't the right fit for me. Hey, this guy wants more than I can give him or wow, this guy is really maybe demanding or he wants from me something I simply can't provide. All of this is going to contribute to her feeling validated and more certain that she's not the right woman for you and you're simply not the right guy for her. I could talk
>> I want to talk about that. I've got a certain view on this. I would say 95% of people are not right for each other. That's why we have so many divorces and things blowing up. Men men rushing into relationships or women uh manipulating men into commitments that they probably don't want to make out of fear of losing that woman. Ultimatum, all that sort of stuff. Rush through, work out you don't like each other once all the uh the throw and dim sim action settles down and where are you? You're left uh with a woman who hates your guts. You'll probably blow your life up. And if you can't stand her, you might be one of the 20% that walks out on the woman. Most people shouldn't be together. They talk about dating like it's this romantic um fantasy type land. Very dangerous place to be. If you get with the wrong person and you get ins snared like most men do, you're going to have a bad run. A really bad run. One of the most dangerous creatures out there. You see, you know, great white sharks and alligators and they show how many people that these animals kill every year. I reckon animal women kill more men than anything indirectly through guys ending it through going through bad divorces and breakups or losing kids and all that sort of stuff just getting cleaned out. Love to know the stats on that. They'll never be able to truly measure that, but I'd have to say I'll probably be up there with um the most dangerous mammal on the planet will be a woman.
>> a lot longer on healthy expectations or what healthy standards should be in dating. And in fact, maybe this will inform another series of YouTube videos. But guys, make sure you understand what expectations are you actually bringing into dating. What expectations are you bringing into online dating, texting, how often you see people? And honestly, going back to my very first point, what kind of expectations do you have about the emotional attachment that a woman should have towards you early on in the dating process? So, even if you're quick to attach, you're a bit of an anxious dater. Maybe you have really strong feelings. If you're dating a woman who is more securely attached, it's going to take her a little longer to develop the feelings or even get to where you are. So, make sure
>> and make sure also guys just be happy that to know that they're going to be out there dating multiple dudes. It's just the way it goes now. They encourage each other to do it. H guys think that women don't do it. They think if a woman all of a sudden you've matched with someone and she's talking to you, you might have converted to phone. you might have met up and and and now you're talking every day that she's just talking to you. No, she's not. She's going out on dates with guys. That's why women won't be quick to want to lock you down because she's not interested. You're just there. Yeah. You're just like, "Yeah, you know, you something to do on a Tuesday as well. You might take her out for a nice meal or take her out and do something or even just a bit of action. Women like action just as much as men. He might be the dialer dim sim while she's got her eyes on somebody else or a couple of other suitors who are getting her engine running better than what you can. That's that's generally the experience out there. I've seen it all before. Women are worse than men. Women are bigger players than men because they have far more access to the opposite sex than what man ever will. Your most average chick out there can get more action than the hottest guy in the world. Telling you that right now with half the effort. They're not sugar spiced and all things nice. That's what these channels make them out to be. They're these little creatures that you just got to work them out, guys. You got to do these few little secret things and then she's going to be eating like a kitten out of the palm of your hand with some put some whiskers in your hand and she eats that bit of snappy Tom. [laughter] Jeez, guys. Guys, put in the comments, do you think you have unrealistic expectation? What is it? Anal on the first date. I think that's a pretty realistic expectation. But in all seriousness, do you walk in with anything apart from, and this might be an unrealistic expectation that you're not going to cop [ __ ] and the woman is going to be a decent human being, normal, adjusted human, not living in this dating fantasy land where they want you to treat them like a celebrity, which is the most most of them.
>> Have reasonable expectations. Otherwise, this point alone will cause you a series of failed dating experiences, a series of frustrations. And if you are lucky to find a woman that commits to you, even though you have unrealistic expectations, this isn't going to just disappear once you're in that committed relationship, you need to also have realistic expectations of that committed relationship. So, communication around time, around emotions, so on and so forth. Secondly, common behavior that really stunts guys when it comes to dating, this would do the exact same thing to women here as well, is a lot of overeagerness and this kind of relentless or constant pursuit. Now,
>> that's true, but that's this is only true. Think about this. If you're a good-looking guy, you're Henry Cavl, and you're pursuing women, they're not going to find you creepy or annoying. If you're an average run-of-the-mill dude and she's got 45 of you in her phone that she's talking to at any one moment in her Snapchat, Messenger, WhatsApp, Instagram messages, you'd be surprised if you saw these women that you're dating their their messages, just how many dudes are in there. If you're one of the other guys who wasn't standing out from that pack, telling her how beautiful she is, she can't wait to see you. You know, she might put a story on Instagram or, "Oh, I love your outfit. You look so beautiful. you're so beautiful. I don't even know why you're talking to me. Then you're never going to get anywhere. I said if you're if you're the top 5%, you don't need to worry about all this [ __ ] Never to worry about it. If you're getting someone who is thinking that you're too keen cuz they're not [ __ ] interested in you. There's no too keen and people are interested in each other. You got fireworks then, don't you? You got back back of uh backseat of the car down behind the cricket ground. The VN boys. Like, it's plenty of action going on there. She's not gonna tell you you're a creep. You're gonna have her on the grass like a couple of monkeys rolling around in the in the bushes, you know, about 8:30 p.m. on a Sunday night, barmy Melbourne summer. You know, the sun's just starting to set you, you know, old lady walking a little Pomeranian around the football oval. And you got some bird just bent over just doggy clapping it like sh [laughter] The old lady's walking past with their dog and the little dog's looking around. It knows someone's in the bushes. [laughter] That's what happens when you develop strong feelings for a woman. It is totally fair and totally natural to want to spend time with her. In fact, when we fall for someone, we feel strong feelings. We're releasing a lot of hormones and chemicals in our brain that make us feel addicted to this person, right? So, you're going to want to s spend time with her. You're going to want to stay in contact with her. But there is very much a fine line between showing interest and being overly eager. So, if you get into behaviors like texting too much or asking her out repeatedly or too often or really just kind of assuming that you can monopolize her time, it will make you seem desperate and this will make a woman feel smothered. Even if you're a good guy, even if you have great intentions here, women are genuinely, as a blanket rule, going to pull away from men when they feel that he is coming on too strong.
>> Isn't that funny? You got to think about it. So, women get what they want. They get a guy who might be a decent, good guy who is showing her interest, um, attention, and and he's doing what he thinks is intuitive, showing her that he's keen on her, showing her that he wants to take her out, and that is seen as repulsive. We got the other guy who uh messages her at 12:30 at night, middle of the night, saying all he writes in his message is DTF question mark. She writes yes and he writes the same place. And she says yes. 20 minutes later, they're both down the cricket pavilion. He rocks up and it's his old ripped Nike shorts. He's got thongs thongs on with the socks on, an old ripped t-shirt. Doesn't give a absolute [ __ ] He's still getting laid. You just think about how counterintuitive that is. But that's what happens.
>> Because one of the first things that women will pull away from is pressure to perform or thinking that, hey, like this guy feels unsafe because he, you know, he isn't picking up the cues that I'm giving him. It can create what's called a power imbalance where she's actually gonna feel a little overwhelmed or maybe trapped in the dynamic. Now, I want to speak to this because I had an experience many, many years ago before I met my current partner where there was a man that was very interested in me. And I knew right from the get-go that this was not someone I wanted to pursue a romantic relationship with.
>> But he continued to pursue. He continued to show his eagerness. And I actually started to get to a point where I felt so uncomfortable because I didn't quite trust his intentions. So I felt trapped in this dynamic where I behaved politely towards him, but I was actually afraid of what this individual would do if I told him I didn't want something that if I told him that I wasn't interested in hearing from him. I actually got to a point this was.
>> So yeah, this stuff happens and there are weirdos out there. So what do you do then? What lead the guy on for forever and make it worse?
>> Earlier in my life now I have a little bit more of an assertiveness or courageous side to me. But many women feel trapped in power dynamics where if a guy is showing interest, they don't know how to say no. So women are very different from men when it comes to our communication style, how we are uh raised, our social norm.
>> What do you mean? What are you talking about? Women cut men off at the knees 24/7. Sure, there might be some creeper that they're worried about and he might know where they live or where they work. And I get that. Women dump guys, reject guys. That's like a a national pastime for women. It's what they do. Dating. That's why they say dating is so hard because the whole time they're rejecting guys hoping to find a diamond in the rough in their eyes and they're rejecting poly guys who are exactly what they're looking for. That's why it's so tough. That's why it's so hard talking about I've been blocked and deleted. I've been um unceremoniously dumped before. No problem. They ain't batted two [ __ ] eyelids about it. They don't care. Someone else came along. See you, dude. Happens to the best of us. Oh, no. Women just Oh, women just they don't know how to communicate. Well, that's sort of half true because they'll just block and delete you or they'll write your message then delete you. There's no um there's no further communication there. Don't know what she's on about.
>> just the natural strengths that we have and women are not very good at being direct communicators. Okay, if you want to learn more about this, I recommend checking out my audio master class where I talk about 10 tips for talking and texting with women. And I really speak to the differences between male and female communication. But what happens here is if a guy is really eager and a woman is a little overwhelmed, she may not know how to say, "No, I don't want to speak to you anymore. Please leave me alone." She won't know how to address it directly. So, what she's going to do is she might, you know, give you one-word answers or ghost you or just kind of try and disappear or do things to create distance between the two of you because she's trying to create space to say stay to stay safe, but she doesn't really know how to
>> stay safe. What are we talking about here? I just don't agree with any of this. I don't agree with any of it. Oh, no. The sugar and spice and all things nice and the women are worried about their safety with men. What are you talking about? We want to go and meet up with some random dude after talking to him for 5 minutes on Tinder if he's hot in a car park somewhere in the middle of the night. There's been no um validation of what the guy looks like, what you're talking about. They're just charged up. Oh, it's all about safety. What are you talking about? Some of the situations that women put themselves in chasing after guys. Can't say that though. You can't say that in society. No accountability. Oh no, we're worried about our safety. it. Get out of it. You're not worried about your safety. The amount of times I've had women want to meet up with me without even seeing uh or me validating my photos for them or not doing a video call, not even talking on the phone, and they want to meet you in the, you know, 9 or 10:00 at night somewhere bloody random. They're fine to do that. Meet you down for a beach walk or late at night along the coast. No lights. Happy to meet you because you're hot. They already know. They already know. They already know what's going to happen. Oh no. Sugar and spice. We just can't communicate. Yeah.
>> to you directly. So, she might actually feel a little uh threatened that if she in fact does reject you, you're going to continue to chase her harder. And that's not a position that she wants to be in. Which is really what leads into my third point here guys, which is a common mistake that men make when they face frustration in dating or they face rejection or they face mixed signals from a woman is in fact they get passive aggressive or they are quick to dismiss her. So maybe you're going, I really like her and she's been showing me great signs and now I've gotten a little overeager and maybe I've spooked her or she doesn't seem to know how to communicate that she's not interested in me. So I've now tried harder. I've spent more money. I've done all these things. For her to then just turn around and say, "Hey, I'm not interested." Or or delete me or block me or something that has now offended you as an individual. H I mean, she's not wrong, but as I said, women aren't great communicators. Uh they they're going to resort mostly to ghosting and doing things that are hurtful to men. But eventually, guys, you know, you build up a thick skin for it. Oh, she's gone. On to the next one. Just happens, you know, once you've deal with it a few times. I've probably been blocked hundreds of times. Hundreds, maybe more. He was like, "Oh, yeah, whatever. Move on. Next bus is coming. Miss that boss, next boss will come."
>> Well, what happens is a lot of guys that I've worked with that I know, they get a little bit passive aggressive. So, after you've shown all this initial enthusiasm, if you're not getting the response or the emotional buy-in from a woman because maybe your expectations are not correct, maybe you're the kind of guy that gets a little passive aggressive. Maybe you start making snarky comments towards her. Or maybe you start engaging in behaviors like I'm going to take a little longer to reply to kind of punish her or I'm going to show these signs of irritation towards her or I'm going to send her a text in the middle of the night that says hey actually I don't really think you're a good person after all or things like that where
>> so once again this woman telling on herself that she's probably stuffed around that many men and has had these experience because she's done these things but there's no accountability for women for being [ __ ] with their behavior towards men. Man, bad. All right, guys. That's enough. I don't want to watch any more of this. Uh, if you want to support the channel, once again, check out the ways to do so in the video description and the pinned comment. But most of all, thank you for watching. If you made it to the end, put in the comments that you made it to the end. I love seeing that. Cheers.