The Ally Lotti interview

No jumper, coolest podcast in the world. And today, I'm in here with Ali Lottie. Literally.

Hi guys, how are you doing? Uh, you know what? I'm doing a lot better. Really, a lot better. But not best at all, right? There's obviously a kind of ground point we have to start up better with, right? When it comes down, I guess, my situation and me, it's been a rough what, year and a half? Yeah, to say the least, to say the least. That, uh, I low-key still... Can you just scoot a little bit this way so that the mic will be closer? There we go. Perfect.

Yeah, I think so. You tell me. Where I was eating earlier, I didn't want to get anything on anything. You know me, right? Chipotle. Are you ready? What was on that Chipotle? It was, it was just rice and beans. Really? Because I did notice a lot of beans and I was like, what is going on? No, it's just, just plain rice and beans. You could get that anywhere. You don't even have to go to Chipotle. I, they were already there, right? I don't eat anything else from Chipotle. Why not? You don't eat meat. I do. I just don't trust theirs. Do you? Hell yeah. What do you get? I get the burrito bowl with chicken and basically everything else. Did you trust their chicken? Yeah. Well, because like, two people died of E. coli. I'm not worried about that. I didn't even know those facts. These are just, okay, these are just things I was putting into. No, yeah, they had an issue a few years back. Oh, no. Okay, my bad. Chipotle. Yeah, down for a few days and [ __ ] because of that. And still, I'm in there just running reckless. Yeah. Oh my god. No, no, no. See, I, I actually never ate Chipotle in my life until I, until I moved out here. Really? Yeah, I didn't eat it in Jersey. That's a good segue. Talk a little bit about where you're from, Ali Robbie. My god, where do we start with where I'm from? Okay, first of all, you're originally from Jersey. I'm originally from Jersey. Everyone thinks I'm from Alabama, which is what it is because it's my second, like, home, I feel like. But in reality, I'm started off Jersey, like South Jersey, Philly though. Not New York. Jersey. South Jersey, Philly, right? Um, decided [ __ ] it, I don't want to be here. And at what age? I was probably like 17, 18. I love how people are able to condense their entire childhood and teenage years into like, yeah, that was all right. And then I decided to get the [ __ ] out of there. I, I just was just like, I was already partying. Like, I already did all the high school, the college parties. I already did everything. Everyone was older than me, okay? So I was like, [ __ ] it, I don't need to be here. You were that 15-year-old girl at the college party? Oh, that was there though. Smartly. Everything I did was like, I was making moves like smartly. Like the other people there are the ones who are basically in a not smart position. If anything, I don't want to say not smart because do whatever you want to do, right? But like, they were there to have fun. I was there to make money or like to make sure I was on the right vibe, make money, like, and just be there. Yeah. You know, in Philly, we used the warehouse parties and it's like Tuesday, like, or like Monday nights. We throw huge warehouse parties. Like, we just break into a warehouse and like throw parties, right? Like, like where people would come, like, just, I don't know. I wasn't into the scene, but I threw the party, so I made hella money. Who puts you on to this like entrepreneurial streak? Criminal streak? No, there was no criminal. You're breaking into a warehouse. I didn't break in. I'm just, I don't look at me, I'm little. I didn't do it. I'm sure you were saying that kind of stuff when you got in trouble then too. I'm just a kid. No, I don't know. I'm, I'm gonna take me whatever I do, I'm gonna take. But I'm definitely not going to be the one getting in trouble like now, right? I'm just the one. They did. They're like, oh, we have a warehouse. You know, people. And I'm like, well, yeah. And then after that, it was like, okay, well, like, you guys have to pay like five bucks ahead to get in. And then pay for whatever else is in there. Whatever else you guys want to do. That's not my problem. I'm just the door person. What kind of music was being played? You know what? At these parties, which is why I'm saying, it really wasn't my scene. It was more of an EDM kind of like. They were just like, you know, and there'd be like a back, like way where everyone would be just high chilling. And I'm like, all right, well, I'm gonna smoke with them and chill cause I didn't drink. I didn't do things, okay? I just wanted to be there and have my chance to be like, all right, well, I'm, I make, like, making my money. You were motivated by money at that point? Always. Did you grow up without money for the most part? Yeah, absolutely. I mean, my mom had when she was 15. Oh, wow. So after my mom having me that young and then learning, like, my mom was such like, my biological mom was such a great mom with teaching me about myself. But when it comes down to like, after she knows like she can't teach me anymore, she only lives up to that, you know? Even like as a mom teaching a daughter or something. Okay, so after that, I was like, all right, Ally, go. I wasn't even Ally yet. That was Alicia at that point. Like, no one called me Ally in my life, literally. And then they're like, all right, Alicia, go figure the [ __ ] out. Just make sure you graduate high school. And I was like, all right. But you left at 17? Yeah. As soon as I went and I got my, uh, stuff early. And then, um, left. Went to Alabama. Yep. Why? Six states away. You wanted to go try to meet Gucci Mane or something? No, he's in Alabama originally. Oh, see. No, no. I don't know. I want to go to Alabama because I like to be by myself. Really? I don't like to be around people. You didn't know anyone there and you're like, this is the state for me? Yeah. I just went. Wow. I just, I just went. I just went for it. And then there, it ended up being really wild because I didn't know what I was expecting. And I did get that redneck ass, like, thing you think of for Alabama. But in general, where I did live, um, was not by that part. I went to go fishing. Went fishing in the wrong area. Didn't know it was a thing. What? You just weren't allowed to fish there? No. No white people allowed or what? It was no girls. It was, it was like, no, it was like, I guess I went on, like, the wrong fishing block. Like, I don't know. I've never had this problem before other than when fishing. And I went to this wrong, like, part of the river where it was like, somewhat like these, like, drunk boys river. I don't even know. And next thing I know, I was in Hancock. I called the cops. Oh, the cops were the ones who took issue? No, no, the guys took the issue. And then they started saying like, oh, like, I'm gonna hang you from a tree and like all this. I was like, um, I get it. And I, I understand the whole vibe. Y'all are interested in people. Are you really saying this real life? And that really, like, yeah, that's a random girl. Yeah. I was just, they tried to say they go, oh, you don't. They're like, you, um, done took the, uh, GPS out of my car. I'm like, you're, I'm calling the cops because you're holding my. I wouldn't go pee and my phone fell on my pocket while I was peeing, okay? Like, taking my. They had tight pants on fishing. I don't want to get caught and [ __ ]. Okay, so, um, peeing outside, [ __ ] phone falls. Didn't realize then. I call on it like later on. I'm like, five, five minutes, seven minutes later, trying to find it in the woods. And with the other people I was there, like, their phone. And next thing I know, some guy picks it up. Like, and that guy, like, they were like, I don't know, I was younger then, but they were like in their 20s, okay? And then all of a sudden, it went from that to like, I was like, if you're not gonna give me it back and say all these things, like, I'm out here with like maybe one or two other people. And they're from where I'm from. Uh-huh. So like, this is not cool. Like, like, how do you get out of this situation? I had to call the cops because I was like, I didn't like. And I'm not a cop caller, but like, I had to call the cops because like the next thing was I was either being hung or I was gonna leave my phone. And I'm not leaving my phone. I'm surprised that, like, hanging you was the, uh, the thing that came to mind. No, no, they had like a whole, like, baseball bat and everything. Like, it was ridiculous. I thought I was in a movie. Wow. I promise on everything. This is documentation. Did these guys get in trouble? So the whole time I'm like, I'm calling. I'm just gonna call the cops. Like, at first, I'm saying it just to say it so they gave me my [ __ ] back because like, I'm like, okay, you're gonna be scared. I'm calling the cops. You're in the wrong. Like, you're saying these things. Like, what are you talking about? You're in the wrong. Next thing I know, the cops come. I guess they're one, someone, someone's dad's cop, whatever. I don't know. Someone knows someone with the cops, okay? That came. Next thing I know, I'm like, I, I'm in handcuffs. Like, in the front of my truck, like, just facing the front of my truck. And these guys are like, they end up finding their GPS underneath their car. And they're stuck. Like, I'm nowhere near their stuff. Nowhere. We're parked on completely, like, uh, this is like at least 50 feet away. Like, in the woods. We don't know. I can't see their stuff. They can't see mine because we were catfishing. So at catfishing, you go at night. Okay? So first, I thought you meant you were pretending to be different women or something. What? Well, you know, kind of fishing. Oh my god. So you know, and that's, I have no idea. I don't even think when it comes down to online [ __ ], I'm just like, what? Okay. Like, no, I don't know. No, I'm like a catfish. Like, I caught one. I know how to catch them. I could help you not catfishing like online. That's good. I came later, like, literally, I can't. But you know, that, and that's, that's, that's what started in Alabama. But then after that got cleared all up, which got cleared up fine for me. And I don't know what the [ __ ] else happened with everyone else. But I know that I ended up being fine. Once I was like, what the [ __ ] are you guys talking about? This is racist as hell. Um, yeah, that [ __ ] cleared up real quick. And then, um, I stayed in Alabama. I was like, I'm not gonna let that scare me. And I stayed in Alabama. And I actually lived in Huntsville. And it's like a, it's like a low-key, lower, lower key, like Nashville mixed with a little bit of like Atlanta flair, okay? And it's like this little town, like right, not town, it's like a city, but it's like just a little town city thing. And I [ __ ] with it. And I love it out there. And there's like the Tennessee River and you can just chill. And that's where I like love to be. And then after that, I moved to Memphis because right there, danced in Memphis because no one knew me, really. Yeah. Is this an untold detail? I didn't know you. No, I feel like everyone knows that I danced before. I mean, everyone knew. Okay, not that there's anything wrong with that. Yeah, that's my thing. I've always just like, I always make sure I'm good because I've always been by myself. And then I got my dog. I got Kaplan first. And after I got Kaplan, he was like crying all day while I worked at my normal job. I was a bartender. And I was like, I can't do this. I was like, I gotta go and like make sure I get a job where the dog's not upset and like I can take care of him properly and do things with him during the day. So I went [ __ ] three hours away. Moved there by myself. And walked into a strip club for my first time. No, no, lied. It was my first time walking into a strip club during, like, like almost hours. Like it was about to be time. I walked in right before. Other than that, I walked to a strip club once before in my whole life. And this time, about 23, like 24. I stayed the rest of the time in Alabama just chilling, right, right. And then went there after I got my dog. And walked in as a bartender. Walked out as a dancer named Lottie. Like, and it just looked. That was that quick. And then I just, I think I danced from, not just a couple months, made enough money. And then went to, uh, I know, went to Vegas. Bet on a couple things there. And then went again when the Eagles won. Bleed green. Philadelphia all day. You won a bunch of money in Vegas? Yeah, right. And for New Year's, I want to show a ton of money in Vegas. But like, I used my money that I had already. And like, just went and spent that there. And then won hell of money there. Not hell of money, but I want to get enough money I could just sit for a minute. It was like, it was chill. And that's where I just ended up coming to LA, like back and forth from here to Memphis, from here to Memphis. From, I'm like, uh, like I said, I went back again when it was time to play for sports. And I bet on the Eagles winning because no one thought that that was gonna happen. But I knew. I was like, that's my team. We're [ __ ] winning, right? And I remember sitting at a table with like, everyone who wasn't my team. Who were we? I don't even know who we were playing. It was asking the wrong guy. It didn't matter to me because I knew we were winning, okay? I was like, this is happening. That's how sports betting works. You just bet on the team that you want to win. Yeah. And then that. You don't have to know. I'm just, I just, at the end of the day, I was like, this one, this is happening. I know in my heart. And like the depths of my heart, this is what's happening today. And I was right. And I was like, I'm so glad I made that bet, okay? And I did. And then after that, I was like, um, I made another bet when I was drunk. And I lost like thirty thousand dollars. And like two cigarettes. And I was like, I gotta get out of here. And two cigarettes? No, no, no. Not. And during the process, like, it wasn't even a long. It wasn't even like a day. Like, no, I sat down, smoked two cigarettes, lost thirty thousand. Got up and went and got a steak because I was really mad at myself. I was very drunk. Don't drink a lot of Dom and go and gamble. Yeah. Don't gamble drunk in general. No. Gamble drunk, but don't, don't, don't gamble. They kind of go hand in hand. Not at like 6:00 AM. No one's there. You're like, [ __ ] it, I'm gonna do it, right? So yeah, no, after that, I just ended up being in LA for a little bit, going back and forth, like I said, to Memphis because I do love being in the country, right? Have my dogs. And then, uh, yeah, did a couple tours. Did a couple of this. Yeah. I would go with my friend. Like, I'm like, I've been in this past, this, I guess what, um, industry for a minute. But like, just everyone's cool. Like, they're just friends. Like, I've always just been, I've always just didn't have [ __ ] to do but touring. Like touring with who? Touring just ran, just a bunch of literally almost everyone. A bunch of random people. I just hop. They'd be like, oh, we're in, we're in this city, like, da da da da. I'm like, all right, [ __ ] I'm gonna just fly and just fly. Hey, stop by, see a show or two, dip. Like, it must be nice to be a girl, man. It was. When I got to that process, I worked. You have to remember, I worked really hard for it. I was just talking about me at a younger age on warehouse parties. Like, I was, I, I made sure I was good. So you made a lot of friends? I made a lot. I've always, yeah, I've always had a lot of good friends. Like, but I don't have a lot of people I hang out with, right? I like to be by myself. But everyone that's like my friend or husband, my friend knows like, it's like, I'm that kind of person. Like, you show up and you're like, hey, I haven't seen each other for a minute, and here we are. Okay. You know, I came in with Chipotle. Like, you know, you didn't come with Chipotle. You came in with beans and rice. Yeah. Wait, it could have been from anywhere. No, it had to be from Chipotle. I guess. Yeah. No, but then after that, um, I actually had was gonna go out, just chill with Jared. Juice WRLD, obviously. For people. And how did you start talking to him? Well, that was, I like, I said, I would go chill, I'd do this or do that, whatever I wanted. And he was like, oh, well, I'm in Rhode Island. And I'm like, well, [ __ ] it, I could just. I have family out that way. And this is like within the first couple months of him even having like music videos out, right? Like, he's still very. Yeah, yeah. See, I didn't know. I was, I listened at that point. It was like country music. Like, I listened to everything. Like, you know, I listened to rap, R&B, my entire life. Like, that's that's something that's never left. But I've definitely, um, when it comes down to just listening to a bunch of different genres, I've always done that. I've always loved music. So I remember when my, my country friend from Alabama was the one who showed me Jared. And I remember him playing me two songs. And then we went back to the, uh, to this house. And it was like a couple of us there. And they're like, yeah, no, listen to Lucid Dreams. I remember sitting there in this guy's house, like watching this video. And I'm like, whoever the [ __ ] this kid. Like, I couldn't even make out his face or who, who he was, right? I was like, I don't know who the [ __ ] this kid is. But because I don't know what version I was watching of this [ __ ], because it was so new, you know what I mean? Like, um, I was like, this is, if I made music, like, if I knew how, like, if I didn't sound like Fran Drescher, like, this is what I would do. Like, I would make music in this sense. Like, you're mixing a bunch of genres together and being so good at it. And me at that point, not even knowing his talent yet, just like, really hearing what you put together, not knowing if you sat down with writers, if you did this, if you did that, what you did in your process of recording, which doesn't matter what you did to make your art because everyone makes art differently. But Jared's way of making art, as you have seen, is is on it's profitable. It's like he's a prophet with that [ __ ]. Like that shit's not even fair, right? It's like us breathing. Yeah. I mean, that's the one thing that collectively everybody, whoever was around him in the studio, pretty much agreed he was the best that they ever saw in the studio. When it comes down to Jared in the street, he is, it's like putting a water. I want a water. It's like putting fish in water. Like, it's, he's in his element. To the point that he's just breathing. And it's amazing. Us. But okay, how do we get from you seeing his music video to actually being around him and meeting him? So I saw his music video and I was like, I'm gonna play this [ __ ]. I don't care what studio I'm in, who I'm around, like, I'm playing this [ __ ]. I was working at the club. I made them play like this. I was like, this [ __ ] is so fire, like, you know, this is, this is going to be huge. And then, um, I remember messaging him. And I had messaged him and I was like, hey, I don't know because when I did, he had like barely any. He had like, I, I wouldn't let anyone add. I didn't like social media, you know what I mean? So I am being on his social media. I'm like, you have no followers. Like, for people that I would normally like be like, is this your song? I thought it was like a fan page. But it was actually, he was just that new that, like, no one knew him yet. And I'm like, I remember being like, I don't know if this is your, like, real page, but like, whoever the [ __ ] this Juice WRLD person is, is [ __ ] fire. Like, this music is like, keep it up. Like, don't [ __ ] stop. This shit's so good. And I played it everywhere, dude. Like, and then it was like three months later, everyone was like, yeah, this shit's fire. And like, on the radio, it's everywhere. And then, but in that process, obviously, we kept up and just would talk to each other here and there. Um, and then as time went on, he would go ahead and talk to me more about what he was doing. When it came down, like, he's like, I'm upset. And I'm like, okay, what's up? You know what I mean? You're not used to guys really hitting you with [ __ ] like that. Yeah. No, no. It's not. I'm like, bro, you're what? What do you mean? And then he's like, da da da da. I'm like, bro, you're just having a panic. Like, sit down. Like, he's like, what do you mean, a panic attack? Like, like, no one knew around him what he was going through. And I'm like, man, bro, you just gotta lay down. Like, you gotta just, you know, right, push, put your right, push, put your hands in some like cold water with ice, like lay down, like, you know. And just give him like tips. I have anxiety. I have things like that. Like, a lot of mental, when it comes down to that mental health, um, but I'm very aware of it. So I make sure that I have things that I would need for that. Or if I'm like, gonna pass out, I'm gonna go ahead and put my, I'm like, Adam, get me this or give me that. You don't even like freak out and like tell you what I need. And because I know where Jared had no idea. And the people around, and not all people around him, but the people that were around him daily, that you would think that was doing that for him or saying that, like, you know, his friend or girl, whatever it is, someone should be there to be like, hey, this is cool. Like, this is what you should do if you're having a panic attack. Not, no, that's not real. Or feel worse about yourself. Or do it like, no, no. So I ended up actually being just cool with him, super close with him. And we end up, like, he was like, hey, I'm bi. I know you're from Jersey. I'm like, fine, cool. My family's out that way anyway. I'll come see you, dip, go see them, just smoke, chill, you know what I mean? And then fly home. No big deal. Over a weekend. Because, okay, from my perspective, when he came through to the No Jumper office and did the exposed interview, which was the first piece of content that we ever did with him, he had a girlfriend before you. And that's who he was with at the time, right? But then pretty soon after that, didn't work out. And then next time I saw him, he was with you. And that just kind of surprised me a little bit. But it surprised everyone. But when, when I talked to him, one thing that always stood out to him is I just remember him telling me he just really didn't really seem comfortable being single. Like he was like, oh my god, no. He would talk to me about him. He could not be single if his life depended on like, his friends basically telling him, like, bro, you should do some thought [ __ ], like, you should [ __ ] these groupies, whatever. And I even like told me that like when he kind of tried that, it really just left him not feeling good. Because so Jared's, he's like, his mind works so fast. So he's already thinking about 80 different things. So everyone's like, all right, yeah, let's [ __ ] this thought that, uh, this that. He's like, well, me, I want to be high. I'm chilling. I'm gonna drink. I'm gonna do this. I'm gonna do that. I can't be comfortable being like that. And I don't trust these [ __ ]. I don't even know this bitch's middle name, this last name. Like, she could take my change. She could take my money. She could take, she could call her people up here. Like, he, he's not. He's from Chicago. That's very, very wise. And that's something that no rappers are normally thinking about when they first came together. He's thinking, he's smart. He's not. And then when I came, he's very smart with that [ __ ]. It's like he already knew. And that's why he always had someone with him. Now, then he realized, okay, I could have people with me who I choose, not who I'm like, supposed, like, because they're here, I have to. No, this is my show. I'm Juice WRLD. This is my world. And that's why I'm like, this is, do what you, what, what's the best for you? What makes you comfortable when it comes down to this or that or who or, you know what I mean? He's like, no, yeah, you're right. This, like, my family, like, my, this, my that. Like, and yeah, I don't like to be single. Now, I remember finding out his real age when, like, we were already dating, okay? Because he was, what, like 18? He was, he was 19 and I was 25. Okay. And again, like I said, I went to go smoke and show him and dip, like, a, like, front, like, how I'm here, smoke, did it in a room, dab up, leave, you know what I'm saying? Like, chilling. Um, Jared literally, literally, he, um, kidnapped me. It's the only way we could say it. It's, it's like a joke that we would say, but it, it, it happened. I, like, I don't own anything from my house except for my dogs. Like, he wasn't trying to have you leave. He was just like, no. He did not let me leave, right? Like, I didn't go. I couldn't go get underwear from my old house. I didn't know. He bought me brand new everything. I didn't leave because then we were on a next tour. I had to go to Tokyo with him, or he wasn't going to go and do the tour in Tokyo. You had a passport? He actually, for my passport, it was already on the way because I was supposed to go on a girls trip. And he had someone call Canada. And then I had to call Canada. And talk to, I'm talking to Canada, like, I don't know, like anyone. Just the entire, I'm talking to the country. Remember crying about it being like, Jared, is this real? And like, I was dead ass on the, like, the on the thing, like, with Canadian, whoever support, blah, blah, blah, blah, for getting my passport because he was like, she's gonna get her passport tomorrow at 12. She has to be, um, from 11 to 12. It was like, overnighted. Um, it has, she has to have it. Then she has to get a new license. I had to go to the DMV at 8 AM, get my license, wait for my thing in the mail, and then get onto my flight to, um, where it crossed over to was in Canada. So cross over into Canada. And then from there, we have to go to, um, to Tokyo. And I had, he like made all this happen. You could ask Peter. Peter literally, like, I think I have a video of all of us. Like, I'm on the phone. That's the thing is he would call me 24/7. It would be 4 AM here, regular time, there. I remember he was with Cole, like, they're doing a bunch of videos. And I would have to be on the phone with him, like, there's a video of him doing, um, like ski line, nutski lining, what's the word? Ziplining. Um, and I'm on the phone with him while he's doing it. Like, he, like, Pete's like, we need her out here. She needs to be out here. If she's not out here, he's not. And he wasn't. He like, was not about. He was like, I'm canceling the tour. Doing this. And I'm like, why? I'm right here. I can help you through it. What do you need? Like, what do you want to do? That was his way of letting you know he really liked you. Was basically much not doing anything unless you come back. Literally, that was it. And then I was like, okay, well, I gotta go. Found someone to watch my dogs. And then put them in training for, because they're like, emotional support dogs, canines, like, canine dogs. And then, uh, my one dog's a hunting dog. So they've gone through a lot of training. So they had two months of training for, um, the, uh, canine stuff. And during that time was when I had gone and did the Nicki Minaj tour with him. So. And then I came back from that. Brought me my dogs to LA. And it's the only thing I owned from my past life. Wow. Literally. So yeah, he technically, we joke about him kidnapping me, but it was not like, I have the bag. I brought, like, I didn't bring a suitcase. What happened to the stuff that was in your old apartment? You forgot about it? No, no, no. It's actually in a storage in Arkansas. Oh, so someone could go get it. So, so yes, we can go get it now, actually. It's very, it's like a time capsule. It's even, it's, it's what's even worse is the person who had it was my very best friend of seven, eight years. And he had passed away, um, in January. So. And like, he was like, one of the only people that I knew while I would be traveling this and that. So with that, it was like, so for me to even go get it, I have to, I haven't even decided. Like, I can't even decide to start to process that now, right? Because of everything I'm still processing. So. But even to go ahead and get anything from my past life, I then now have to process my best friend. So this year, I took off, made sure that, like, as much as I could, and made sure that my mental was in a better state than it definitely would have been if I would have came out right away and been like, sharing my emotions then with everyone when everything had happened. So I just waited, you know, what do you mean? Like, dig, didn't hear there and let it be. But trying to now, this year, probably talk more about it and like, be more like open about it. Or before I'd be like, no. So your mind when all, when he passed, like, your mind went to basically, like, I mean, because it's got to be really hard to choose a path at that point. But I guess going quiet is probably the safe bet in a lot of ways. It's not even a, it's, it wasn't a bet that could have even been. And I'm all, like I said, we go gambling all day, like, it's not even a thing to be betting safe on. Like, it was like, like, for the public, like, it's better for y'all, like, you know what I mean? Like, because I was in no way, shape, or form to be able to speak to the lobby person downstairs than to even speak to people who cared about you. You know, the crazy thing too was that it's like, a lot of people might not necessarily knew who you were. And then that just put the spotlight on you so much crazier. It was one mentally when I started dating Jared, I decided because I was like, you're young. One, when I found out he was, when I was like, you're young, like, you have me in all these other countries and you're drinking and [ __ ], I'm thinking you're older. Like, I'm not thinking like, you know, like, I'm just, I'm just, I'm in luck. Like, we're just so. When we met, it was like, we were friends. And then it was like, we're not friends. Like, no, you're not leaving my side ever. And I'm like, cool, because you're not leaving my side ever either. Like, that would be it. And then it was, it was just what it was. Most people get to fall in love kind of gradually. No, this was something that, and I'm, I'm grown. I've, no, you could ask anyone. You can go back and look at anything. You'll never know who I was dating. You'll never. I was never a person that liked that. So when it came down to Jared, and it sounded like I haven't been able to, I've been with people where I've had to share them with the world too. So it's like, but I was low-key. I don't give a [ __ ]. But then I didn't care. I didn't care. Jared, I cared about so much. When he wanted to share me with the world, it was like, like, like, I never wanted. I never wanted the world to be looking at me because, like, I always was that person to be helping that person, not that person to be like, hey, [ __ ], what I got to tell you. Do you remember the first time you brought you out on stage? Absolutely. Nicki Minaj's tour. There was over like 40,000 people. He looked down at me and was like, he just would give me the space and he'd go like this. Now, that's why you guys see me and my PJs. That's what I was gonna say. Every [ __ ], I, I literally before I got here, I took it out. I'm like, Adam, I'm coming how I always am. When you see me, which when you seen me has been literally as everyone, because I've been, I'm always a mess. But it's not my vibe. It's cool. It wasn't on that Nicki Minaj tour. But I do remember being there at, I think it was the Lyrical Lemonade. We're in London somewhere. Wasn't I? Didn't I? Oh, wait. Why aren't you? That's a lot. I was like, the last time you probably did it there too. Yeah. But that, that was a crazy thing to witness because you were just wearing pajamas. It'd be like, I'm sitting there and I'm, I'm there to watch him. I'm there like, okay, to tell someone so he needs a break, he needs water, he needs this. I could just tell by his body language. So I'd be like, that's why I'd go running back with the [ __ ], you know, I'd knock everyone out the way to make sure and get his water and get his [ __ ] towel and just, you know, dab him up, whatever, like, make sure he's good. And that's my whole point to burying where I always was on stage. And then end up to him playing a [ __ ] joke with me because I had to like, again, he had to teach me to like, be able to do this, like, to be able to like share him. Like, it was like, I share Juice WRLD with the world. And I share Jared Higgins only with myself. You get what I'm saying? Now, I don't have Jared Higgins. And I do have him with me. And I do have him in so many ways that no other one else can have him. But he's not technically in my person form here, you know what I'm saying? You know what I mean? So it's like, with that, everyone says Juice WRLD, even though he's gone, you still are gonna have everything Juice WRLD ever to that point, you know what I mean? Like, wanted, made, sad. Did you have a good, like, a really crazy amount of it? You know, saying where I don't have Jared Higgins. And it's a little bit [ __ ], it's a little bit [ __ ] up in my head for me to like, contemplate and like, like, understand how to go to a like, social platform and be able to be like, okay, so now I'm thinking on the sense of Juice WRLD. And I'm like, I don't, this is not, you know what I mean? Like, I just, I know Jared. I could tell you about Jared. And that's about it. You don't even like Juice WRLD was what we're talking about. Yeah, he'd be on stage. He's an amazing performer. He's this, he's that. We all know that. Who's been around him. But with Jared, it's like his mind. That's what, you know what I mean? Like, it's like, okay, that's what I'm gonna have to share because I don't know what else to tell you guys. Like, you guys already have Juice WRLD. It sounds kind of like a dream where, oh my god, because it was like, you meet him one day, all of a sudden, your life changes so dramatically. And you're 100% living this completely different lifestyle for whatever, like, a year. It was. It was in the more sense of it was absolutely everything that anyone that could ever be, like, you think of like a Disney princess and finding her prince. Like, it was so. That was it. It was like the love. Not because, like, before that, I was on jets, I was on this song that I just was not. You didn't know me. No one knew me, you know what I mean? And that's what I want. I never wanted anyone to know me. I did everything. All of this stuff I've done before. But Jared did make every single one of my childhood dreams come true. He would take me to places or this or that. And I, like, I always wanted to go to like, to Sydney and see the thing. I have a video. You see me. I'm, I, uh, we're on a yacht. And literally, he goes, look, look. And it's at night. It's all lit up. And it's Sydney, like, the Hope, like, 42 Wallaby Way, like Sydney, like from Finding Nemo or whatever. And yeah, I freaked the [ __ ] out. I'm like, screaming, crying, like, oh my god, like, you know. And I would always thank him. Like, thank you so, like, I can't believe, like, you just made one of my childhood dreams, like, come true. Like, this is crazy. So it was more along that, like, of just being so in love and so, like, knowing this person has me, knowing I have this person, that's it. And then that person just not being there. So that's where it's like, hard for me to be like, Juice WRLD is still here. And he is still here. But Jared is not here. And it's [ __ ] hard, you know what I mean? Where before it'd be like, well, Jared is right next to me, so this is fine. And Juice WRLD, we just posted was doing this, this, this, and that. Or he's dropping this album. Or he's singing this about this. It'd be different. Because when you first started hanging out with him, it's not like he was this mega star, right? Yeah. That's the one thing a lot of people forget is like, we were all in coach together for a very long time. I'm literally once a very long time, like a couple months. Uh, well, for him, you're thinking about it, he had what, two years in this game? Let's, let's give him a long two years, right? Like, I saw, and he was, he's being ranked with people who were in this game for decades. Yeah. So like, that's something people need to really sit back and think about what is coming out of their mouths. Like, because the, but he deserves every [ __ ] inch of that because that's really what he was. As everyone who was around him can be in all of and say every day, you know what I mean? So, right. Yeah, no, that, that's something that, yeah. So a couple months. But then also a couple months was regular first class. And then a couple more months was on jets everywhere, you know what I mean? But that's how fast his life was, right? Like, and that's how much we had done. People think, oh, we just sat there like any other rapper or any other person ended this and that. Like, no, we worked every single day. Why do you think that he ended up taking on such a ridiculous schedule? Did it, was it pressure from the label? Or was that just kind of him that he wanted to like, tour non-stop, slash be in the studio every second that he wasn't touring, slash that's where the two? I've actually had a huge thing when it comes down to trying to figure out in my head what, because Jared was tired, right? Jared was tired. His body, at the end of the day, what I could say about when everything happened is just his body was tired. My body has gone through a lot. But my body was tired. Like, I can only imagine what his brain would move eight times faster than mine. I can only imagine. We don't even like how tired he was. Um, but when it came down to it, Jared had a lot of pressure from certain things, yes. You know what I mean? That we're accounted for already, like what you're saying. But Jared's work ethic was something that I would literally, I cannot even just say applaud. Like, I would kiss his feet. Like, every night for, like, his work ethic was something that I've never seen anyone be able to do. One, the kid was never tired, right? And it would be, it would blow my mind because it's not like the kid is off this or that to make him tired. Like, when I found out he did drugs, I was like, how are you up? Like, you do that? Like, I had not, like, what are you talking about? You are poking me. I'm falling asleep. Like, tired, just because I'm tired, like, regularly. Hear tired. And you are this whole time. Like, I didn't really. You were high and you're just up. What the [ __ ]? Like, sorry, but what, what, what? But it was just his work ethic. He would make sure every day he would record because that was his diary. And that's how, like, I want a lot of fans to realize that that his, like, he did a lot of history and a lot of his stuff for his fans. Yes, he might have, it might have been difficult to say no because it was already planned. But he wanted to do every single part. Like, every single time, it was like the highlight of his time on tour would be those times. Those just those minutes were forming. You know how we would go when we'd walk into, we'd walk in almost almost late. We'd get there. Obviously, everyone else would be there and everything would be ready. Me and Jared would walk off the car. We'd have time to pray. Walk off the car, pray. And he'd walk right onto the stage and start performing. Walk off of the stage, grab another drink, and walk into the car and go straight back to the hotel. We didn't, unless he had to do a meet and greet. And if he did a meet and greet, we went to a whole another room, sat there by ourselves. And he would just play. Switch. Like, he was such a norm. We're so normal. Like, we're just normal people. So it was like, really. But like, everyone else was, everyone else was normal too, obviously. But

They knew more of the fame than we cared to even have, yeah. In that sense, like he was doing certain things, like he's on tour, he's putting out music, he's obviously famous as [ __ ]. But then, like, when you really looked at the lifestyle he was living, he was pretty much either in the studio or just posted in the house, hotel with him. He left the house or the city, like he would go to the studio in the house, right? Like, when I first met him, he's in the studio, then literally he's just in the house recording in the living room. He was like, "This is the best thing in the world. I don't have to go anywhere." I don't know what had happened, obviously, maybe it was just his thought process, how he wanted to be, um. But when I hadn't met him right before that, he had gone, I mean, I had met him. Um, we were, we chilled for like a week and a half or whatever, and that's where, not even a week and a half, probably like a week. Um, I had gone to two shows of his, and then he made me go to come back to L.A. and go to Rolling Loud in the Bay, and that's when we had first popped out together. But by that, at that time, it was like the day before, I was like, "Listen, I just, I don't got to go. I could stay home. Like, this is not like something I have to do. Like, like I'm cool. We're just chilling here. Like, if you take me out, like, and we pop out, like we're popping out like together, like that's, there's not going to be something that sits right, like unless I know this is what, like, we're going to be like, we're together, right?" And then he was like, "No, well, we're together. Like, you're popping, you're coming." That's why I would just show up in my [ __ ] PJs because he'd make me come, and I'd just be like, "Here I am."

And then, yeah, with the whole bringing out on stage, I think it was the, what, what other person, what other artists do you know that has made it so clear about who they're like, never very almost? We don't even know who's Annie, who's Annie from Michael Jackson. Because the only other person I could think of, other than that, you know who the [ __ ] Ali Lottie is. He made it very clear, you know what I mean? With his music, with his life, with everything. So it's like, who did that? No one did that. Even the best didn't do that. He just couldn't hide who he was. No. And that's the thing, he was so him. We're just such, and that's what, like, with his fans, with everything, we're just human. We're just human. We're just like everyone else. I'm sure he had people tell him that this wasn't a great idea. Literally, they would be like, "What do you, we had like, what do you guys do?" And I'm like, "Um, we just chill." But you know, there's definitely got to have been at least some people in his ear, I assume, who are like, "Bro, you don't want to co-sign a girl this hard. You might be over in a couple weeks." Oh, he was just doing whatever he was doing in the heat of the moment. They had even examples from previous times with it. It's not like I was his first girlfriend, right? You get what I'm saying?

Now, the reasoning to me and Jared being as as intertwined as we are, we were and we will ever be, is just because of that. And that's what I'm saying, it wasn't about money or that I had all of this before that. I had all, and he was just learning this. So it was more like I was teaching him in a way. "Hey, and not just me, other people that were with us, you know what I mean? Like, hey, now, like, this is what you do with this." All right, okay, you're getting on a private jet and give me your passport so I can let, I have to give it to you, you know what I mean? Like, like little things like that that people, you know, you go sit down, like, at a nice dinner. People don't know a lot, and they're like, "Oh, is this, what is this?" It's just a napkin. It's just wet. You undo it. You know, when you put the water on it and it grows. Like, it's like things like that he was doing because he could, and he needed to because he's Juice WRLD. And then, but he didn't know. So I'm like, "All right, well, this is like this." So, like, I already, that's that was nothing. What it was was the love. And that's why I feel like we're with everything, with how he was. So there was so many people like before, like, "Oh yeah, you shouldn't." There was not one time that the group was like, "No." Like, they're like, "Lottie, do you feel comfortable with that? Can you go up there?" And I'm like, "I, I've danced in the middle of Memphis. I, I could do whatever the [ __ ]. I'm good. I'm not scared of [ __ ]. Like, I might be to myself, but I'm gonna go do whatever, whenever. I don't care. It's just me." And what, that's Jared loved that about me, but also wanted me to be home with him so that we could do it, you know, do whatever. He's like, "Oh, we're going to go on tour here or there." And I'm like, "Well, [ __ ] it, call the babysitter, like that, you know what I mean? For the dogs, like, let's, let's go. We got to go."

So, yeah, how do you feel? I've seen various people try to kind of like paint a different narrative. Lord, of course, that you were the older woman, potentially selling drugs, and that that's kind of how you got into his, uh, orbit. Um, first of all, could you imagine me pulling up like with like the Porsche or the Rolls-Royce, like trying to like on the corner, like trying to pick up? Like, I don't understand. When I look at that, I'm like, "Where, out of anyone around me and Jared, even though it wasn't even like that, where, where would you think that I would be the one able?" I can't even leave Jared's side to go get my nails done. The nail lady would come to the home. My hair lady would come to the house. Massage to the hat. Like, I was not allowed to leave unless I went and got a facial, and that was 15 minutes down the street. Like, other than that, I was not. So where, where was I? How could I? Anyone who knows knows that like, I, one, was not allowed to leave Jared's side. Two, Jared would never, ever, ever. If he wanted something, I, one, as I learned, pretty much had no idea in a sense, even though I thought I did, and I did to agree. But learning now, I might not have. And that, that is one thing I do beat myself up about. It's like, I could have made sure that people were gone that shouldn't have been around. Because that, that it was like, "What?" I don't know. Because when I said something, it wasn't even if I might have been a kind or sorry, but that's what I wanted to swear. It's totally okay. I was like, "That's the exact word I am and was. If I'm mean and I care about you, like, I'm gonna make sure that anything around you is what needs to be around you." Now, and that's even, I remember even when I first like went to Chicago and met Jared, and my chair, not my Jared, met Jared's mom, I explained. I was like, "Listen, you have your son, like, he's 19. Around everyone else, he's around his 25, 26, 27, 28, 20, you know what I mean? Like, you need someone that cares for him, which they do, but in a way like a motherly or a girl-friendly way that he, like, his feelings or his self, that he's able to grow and make sure he's not being, um, which he wasn't, in like, in any way. But I've seen plenty of times people be manipulated or people be this or in, and they not know because they're young. And I'm like, "Look, you're young." And that's what I would tell you. I'm like, "Jay, when I found out, I was like, I remember, I remember sending him right down. I think, sit down, we need to talk." Like, I was like, "Me and talk right now." I was like, "You just showed me your ID. Like, you made me call for my passport. Am I this? My, like, you know how old I am? Like, ever?" And I knew everyone else around us was my age or older. So I'm like, "Okay, I'm obviously the kid. I didn't think he was my exact age. What I'm thinking, he's like two years, maybe younger. He's drinking, so at least 21." You get him singing in my head. And but we're out of the country. I'm not thinking because this is my first time out of the country, right? Like, I went all over the United States, never left the country though. Like, when it comes, because I didn't know, I didn't care to. I mean, I care too, I just didn't have anyone to go with, so I wouldn't go, you know what I mean? Like, again, I was having a girls thing come up. Other than that, leaving the country is a lot. It's a lot. And it's a very young person. And I went by myself. I was so scared. Like, I was like, "Stay on the phone with me. I don't, walk me through this, like, custom things. Like, I don't know what the [ __ ] is going on." It was scary. But and I ended up getting really great at it, and it's fine. So does it matter? But it's just very things that when it comes down to our age, I remember being like, "Come here, you gotta like, look, you're gonna be with me, but you're gonna have to grow while you grow. Just respect me and know that I'm here, like, to make sure you're good. Like, so whatever's wrong, whatever's bothering you, tell me. Whatever you need to do, like, as a man, you let me know. Like, you're good. Just don't disrespect me. Like, if you're with that, blah, blah, blah, let me know, and you guys are good, or I'm coming, or what the [ __ ] it is, I don't give a [ __ ]. Like, I want you to live like a king. You deserve to live exactly how you are. You deserve this. Like, you, you're, you're, you're aura one and your, your talent is exhausting to even, it's so beautiful. It like takes the, it like, no one makes like art like he does. Like, so it's just like, okay, you deserve to be treated like Picasso. Like, so someone, you don't need someone crazy. You wouldn't think of like, whatever you want. You just wanted to kind of nurture the talent that was oozing out of him. Yeah, and, and make sure that the person, that the talent was coming out of, is good, right? You know what I mean? But good in every, like, you're good, you do what you want. I'm here, like, I'm here for you, whatever you need, I'm here. But if, you know what I mean, you go, you want to do this, go do that. I just ask these two things, these two things, that's it. As long as those two things are good, we're good."

Were you, like, I'm assuming that you had done drugs prior to all this? Did you get a lot more into doing drugs because in particular all this touring and stuff? I mean, it's kind of hard. That's the thing, caused a lot of people to get into drugs. Yeah, that's the thing that I always, like, I was was really confused with was that, like, I said, even with Jared, I would be like, when I would find out he'd be high off that, like, because when I first, I remember the first thing that clicked in my head when I met Jared, I was sober. I had ended up in the ER, aside from this, before I ever met Jared. Um, I had an eating problem and I just wasn't eating right. I was in the ER probably like a week or two before. Um, I had stopped doing my drug of choice then, and like, it was probably like a good three days. I had been like, officially no, like, no, no sick, no this, no that, just sober, fine. And it was something simple I could just do myself, you know what I mean? I was just like, for like, a day or two. Well, I didn't feel good, and I felt like that was probably why or whatever. I was little then. Now I know what really doesn't feel good and what really does, you know what I mean? Like, so I remember being with him being like, "Wow, all I'm doing is smoking, and you're still [ __ ] fun to be around." Like, where someone else would be like, "All right, I'm gonna call my person and grab this, this, this for me because this is what I need." And I don't know you, so I don't know. I'm not gonna say anything and just go do my own thing by myself. And I've always been like that with everything. But then when it came down to Jared and touring, he would be up, and I'm like, "How are you up?" And then when he would want to go to sleep, is when I would be up. And then it was just weird. Like, Jared wouldn't let me even drink coffee. Like, when it comes to, I wasn't, no uppers were a lot. No, that was nothing. Like, no. He just didn't feel right about it. He just didn't. Yeah, I don't know what it was. He just was like, "I don't know if, like, from before something had happened before me." I don't know. All I know is that uppers were no. Like, so. And I was like, "Well, I'm [ __ ]. Like, I don't know how the [ __ ] you think I'm gonna stand with you like this. You're your Energizer Bunny. You're just up, like, and you expect me to be that up with you, and I'm not." So I remember just being like, "What the, what the hell?" And I, and I was okay. I made it for a minute. And then I, it was the Tokyo trip. We got home. It was like a 22-hour flight or something. And when we got home, I was broken. Like, I was so tired. I didn't eat anything in Tokyo. And we had to go right back out to Australia. And I was like, "You know what, like, and then I missed my dogs. My dogs had just like finished their witch McCall, so they were coming home. And I had got them, I got them a whole b for a couple months without me being there. It was just like my best friend there, like, watching them. And I'm like, "Oh my god, like, I just, I wish I could be around them." Like, "Jared, you need, like, I feel like I need a break." "You don't need a break." "Like, okay, right, let's go." Look, I went, and I go, "We're in Australia." Everything's fine. I used to drink a lot. Um, I would just drink and do up back before I ever met Jared. I would just drink a beer, fishing, you know, I would say, "Just a little, little alley." And then, yeah, no. Then it went to a point where while we were on tour, after Australia, came back because Australia obviously, just, it was, it was a beautiful thing. But being tired and being there, I realized I was like, "I'm not enjoying things I should be enjoying. Like, everyone else is having a good time. Why am I not having a good time?" Not, not having a good time, but like, why am I not, like, as positive or as up right now as every, like, what's going on? And then I'm like, "All right, we come home." On the way home, I think we had stopped somewhere and Philly, had spoke to my mom, my biological mom, um, which I said, had me when she was 15. After that, I have like two other mothers that had taken me in, love them to death. One had passed away, one is still here. They both really helped me, make me that person that I was today. But my biological mom, she, um, had called me and told me that my grandma, who has had cancer like four times already, this was her fourth time, and she had serious care. Like, I remember when I was born, she had no hair. Um, and then, you know what I mean? Like, just very, very serious stages of cancer, four different times, and four different things. Wow. Four different places on her. And she's still here to this day. Shout out, Graham. Love you. You're the best. Um, but literally, yeah, my mom had told me, I guess she had cancer again, and that kind of set me, um, it was a really big trick. I was just tired. I was just like, "I don't know what to do." Like, I just, I normally, I'd run. I'd go somewhere. You don't even go, go to L.A. if I was in, in just home in Memphis, if that happened, or go wherever, you know what I mean? Like, run away for a little bit, just party for a little bit, and then come back home, and I was fine. Um, and this wasn't, it was a possibility. You know, you mean, I had to go ahead and be ready, be good for Jared, be here. And Jared would only let me do what he did. Not only that, Jared was, he was very, if I tried to help him, and I always helped him, and I did get through to him when it came down to mental health. Um, but he didn't, if you didn't go through what he, because there was so many people that like were like, "I don't know what you're talking about." Yet, I'm saying that if you didn't go through it, he went through, or you weren't doing the things that he was doing, that he would take your opinion. But it was like, "You don't know my devils. You don't know, you don't know my demons. You don't know what's going on because you don't know, you don't know this." And I'm like, "You know, I'm gonna go through this with you. Like, you're gonna, you're gonna understand that I get every [ __ ] what you're saying, and we're gonna, you're gonna be good, you're gonna be fine, you're gonna be okay, you're gonna get good, you're gonna clean, you're gonna this, you're that, and you're gonna be fine." And it's about, and that's the thing is, you had, he had mental illnesses where you can't just take someone who's doing drugs and put them as other drug addicts. Like, he had mental illness problems. Like, that's when you do that, and you have drugs involved, if you take away those drugs, a lot of the time, that mental illness is going to take over and be even worse, right, than the person being on drugs. And that was one thing I always, he communicated to me. It was basically like that he had had a drug problem for like, damn near as long as he could remember, like talking about high school. Yeah, like, I mean, I, he, I remember the first time he told me he even did the first drug. I remember he, we've talked about everything you ever think of. We've talked about. So it's just like, but that's what I mean by, I had to really learn him and be there, and I'm like, "I'm going through this with you. I'm here. Look, you see what, like, but I also, that had nothing." I'm not saying that because he would get upset and he would be like, "See, I'm the reason why you do this." And I'm like, "Okay, well, no, I did this because I was upset and about something with my life that you have no, nothing to do with. You don't even, you can't help my gram, like, you're not God, you know what I mean?" Like, and he would sit there and he'd be like, "Uh, once I get enough money and I get this, this, that, and I'm gonna find the cure to cancer." He would always say, he's like, "I'm gonna find the kid of cancer and I'm gonna make sure that this never happens to a person like that." Like, and go on and on and on. And I would just, like, every one time I cried, I was like, "You are literally like the kindest soul right ever and ever, ever, ever. Like, I mean, I'm nice and all, but like, holy [ __ ], you're fired." You know what I mean? Like, I was definitely always taken back by him. So, yeah.

Um, yeah, when it came down to anything, when you think about, um, like the last couple days before he passed, like, was he particularly frazzled from being on the road? Was his mind state like, like, was he really like more stressed out than usual around that time period? When it came down, it's hard for him. It would, that question would be a lot. It'd be answered, I think, better from someone else because we were so in, um, uh, I could still answer it. It's going to be just by a different way. We were just so intertwined at that point that it was for us from the church. No, I knew he knew, and I knew that's how intertwined. He knew. I knew. I didn't know what it was. I thought, I remember I would come out running outside in my [ __ ] towel and my hair up, get off the [ __ ] quad. Like, I didn't know what it was. I didn't know what was gonna happen. He didn't know what was gonna happen. But he would set, like, to the point that I remember we were in the shower, and I would just, I was sitting there, and I would always watch him. I'd wash his hair, I'd do everything, you know what he meant. I would, I remember sitting down on our little, like, our little seat thing in the shower, and we had like a skylight thing, and like, it came down on him while he was like, rinsing his hair out. And I was like, and I just started bursting in tears. And this is when we first got back from, um, doing that last tour. That was like, I just started like crying out of nowhere. And he was like, "You know, I know. He's like, I know, and it's gonna be okay." I didn't say [ __ ]. Like, I just, for some reason, like, something overtook me. I just was like, "You're not gonna be here." Like, to the point, like, I, I mean, I've said it to him, even. I'm like, "No, even to that night before, I'd be like, Jared, give me blah, blah, blah, blah. I don't know. Like, and we'd go." You can ask anyone. I'd always be like, "I'm yelling. I don't care. Like, I want to make sure you're good. I want to know. I'm going to the, into the, uh, the studio. Get, get to bed. Get in the shower. Order some food. We're ordering food. You're eating." Like, yelling. I don't care. You just fell because I need to know he's okay. But you felt like he was burning the candle on both ends particularly bad? It was, it was something that he was definitely just, you know, he, he was, I don't know. Because the last day, I was not there. He made me go. He let me. He was like, "We're going to Chicago for a minute. Go and get your hair. Go and get your, like, your facials, this and that." Um, so that you're good while we're there, you know what I mean? And I'm like, "Okay, so the nail lady's gonna be here later. We'll get, we always get our nails done together. We'll go to narrow stun." Um, and then, um, my massage lady is coming after. And then during the day, I was out getting my facials, getting my hair things like that done. Um, by the time I got home, he was in the studio, but he was really high. And it was like daytime. Like, we need to pack. Daytime. Like, because in a little bit, we're gonna have to leave, go on the jet around, like, you know, eight-ish. I remember he just wasn't paying attention. And I was like, "You need to start getting ready because I'm gonna be getting my, these things done. You know, right after I get my nose, then you gotta get yours. And then I'm gonna go ahead and get my massage. And then it's like, you know, hustle, hustle, hustle so we can get there on time." And then I remember getting my massage done. After that, it was like, "Where are you?" Like, and he was upstairs with his friends, and then in the studio with his friends. And and then I just, I went off. I was like, "Get, get in the room. I was like, shower. Get in the shower. Turn the shower. Loading us food. We wait. We waited. Got the food. Like, I was like, "You, no, no, no, like, shower. We're good." He showered. Like, and now come to find out, you know, the night before, he had told me because I had fallen asleep. We were supposed to get tattoos. He had gotten a tattoo, and then I was supposed to get it right after. And he knows like he doesn't. At that point in time, I was, yeah, not yelling at him, but I was nagging him so much about about his health. That him telling me, "Oh, the doctor came or this or that," because I needed the doctor. It was something that he'd be like, he would think I'd be like, "See, I [ __ ] told you you need this assistant that you don't mean." So I think it was like a, he didn't want me to win type of deal when it came down to that. So he told me the next day, he didn't wake me up when the doctor came the night, the night, um, before. And that day, then the next day, we're getting ready for the plane and everything. That's when he tells me, um, when I had brought him into the room and I'm yelling at him about like getting the shower, your food's on the way, like go lay down until then, like let's lay down, don't put something on the TV, I'll pack for us, it isn't anything like whatever. And, um, and he was still in good spirits, fully. He was just not feeling good. And yeah, after that, it was just, he, every, like, you know, he got to it, you know, we fell asleep for a little bit. We were super late for the plane, but fell asleep where he was good, I was good, everyone was good, you know what I mean? From what I, from what I knew. But again, I didn't know a lot of stuff happened the night before. But from what I knew, everything was good. And then we go on the plane. Everyone knows I'm terrified of being on planes in general, previously from this, but obviously this is a huge thing. But even before this, they knew there was, Jared always got the, the plane with the bed. I always have it made. Always. I would always just go right to sleep, and that was that. I had my little headphones on. I'm probably watching Moana. Leave me alone. Like, I'm going to bed. I don't like to be on a plane. Because, I mean, there's been times Jared's been flying the plane. There's been time, like, it's just very scary sometimes. He would make the pilots let him fly it? No, the pilots would let him fly? Really? Oh, yes. And I'd wake up just, and I'm like, "What's going on?" I'm thinking of like, the way they let like a little kid fly, where you don't really have any chance of them. No, no, no, no, no, no. We're on a private jet. Yes, there is serious little buttons that they just let Jared just, wow. Jared, hey, can sure? And I'm like, "I [ __ ]. I mean, I let him [ __ ] fly too. It's charm right there." And that's what I'm saying, when he would just go like this to me, and I'd be in my PJs, ugly as how I'd walk out and be like, "Whatever you want, babe." Literally, just his, he was just, it was just Jared. Wow. Literally. But with everything, just how his talent was, it was with everything. 24/7. He was always, I would always say that to him. I'm like, "You are a [ __ ] performer at all times." Not that you're fake. No, he just was so energetic, so him, that it was like, you're just great to watch at all times. And I [ __ ] love it. Yeah, like, it's just so good. His life was like a movie playing out in front of you, right? Just not even like a life [ __ ]. The life [ __ ]. Everything that was around him. Like, I've seen that plenty of times before. If anything, he was most humble about it, right? It was, you, you as your person, you're just funny, you're this, you're that, you're saying this, this random, like, the randomest things that made the most sense, but nonsense, but sense would come out of his mouth, and you're like, "We gotta do that."

But did it really, really occur to you that just something was gonna have to change if he was gonna have a long life and career? That this was just so not sustainable when, when it came down to the way that a lot of things were? When it came down to, I, you know, when we got our house, I wanted it to be just me and Jared, you know what I mean? Just, I wanted it to be, I needed him to learn that. But again, it was also like, you have to think about it, Jared's age. It's like sending your son away to college. He's going to be in a dorm with all of his friends. He's going to be, you know. So I didn't want to take away his friend. I didn't want to take, I didn't want to be that person. Like, "No, no, no, no, no." And I would sit there and yell all the time. You could ask anyone. I'd be like, "There's too many energies in this house." I feel like, like, it was kind of a thing that he was even having, like, people from Chicago come out because he just needed friends because he was sort of, once you get to that point as an entertainer and you're that famous and [ __ ], it's kind of like weird to just have friends. Like, a lot of people don't want to just be hanging out 24/7 while you're making all this money and doing all this. Like, people want to have their own lives. But he needed people around. I mean, that's how it is. Even with me, just, I always have, just, I'm like, random people, like, not random people, but like, I have a certain two people, and it's like, "Okay, well, I have you guys down at this and that, like, as like people that I can pay, but you're my free, you're my only, only. You guys know, you guys are the only people I could tell the story from the past year and a half, really, other than myself. Like, if something was to happen to me, just how something happened, there's only a couple people that could sit here and tell you what actually, you know what I mean? So it's like, that you guys are my friends, you know what I mean? But you also are on payroll." Then that's what Jared, it would be the kind of same thing, you know what I mean? It'd be like, you know, they definitely want to come out. And that's the thing, yeah, a lot of his friends would want to come out from Chicago or this is that, but they had to talk to me. I had to talk to them. Like, it was like I was like a mom. It was like I had to, okay, no. Everyone knew if there was girls coming through, that they knew their place, and that they would go straight to your room and straight out, and that was it. There was no, no girls were hanging around the house. No, never on the first floor. Like, they're allowed to come through and go straight up to the second floor, which was your room, your area was up there. Wait, why are girls coming over to go to his room? No, no, no. Not my room, not our room. Oh, our room is on the floor. Like, their room, like the guys. Oh, the other girls, whoever wanted to be their, whatever friends. So you're talking about some freaky [ __ ] for a second. I was like, "Oh, really? Well, Jared was his own. To me, he was my king. He'd do whatever he wanted. But with a real woman, right? But I was his queen. He treated me, dressed as his queen. So there's a dynamic there that, right? You get what I'm saying? There's like, okay, I get it. Okay, I get it. Okay, cool. I'm looking at you in a totally different light now. That's cool." You understand. He was my everything. So I let him just be like his everything. He could do whatever. But not whatever. And that was not my choice. That was his choice after learning what he wanted, you know what I'm saying? You have to let people [ __ ] know what they, you don't know what you want to. You [ __ ] know. Let me answer this. I've said this about him a couple times, um, on the podcast, which is that basically, like, I wish that he had been able to have at least like a couple years where he had been like an adult and not a [ __ ] famous rapper, just in terms of his adjustment. I wish that he had like known what it was like to just be the guy going to parties without being the [ __ ] superstar at the party. That's the problem though, because it even rubbed off onto me where I don't go out. But you were a normal person for a long time. Because I got that, I got that whole. Now I can't. No, no. Now I'm sitting here and I'm like, "What's, I always have to have someone with me because if not, one, I can't fully beat myself. Like, [ __ ], if I want to fight you, I can't fight you." Before Jared would send his bodyguard everywhere with me because he knew that I was going to fight everything that was passing by me because it was like, "What the [ __ ] do you want from Jared?" You know what I mean? Like, "What do you want? Come through me first, and then we could talk." You know what I mean? Like, and that was a joke. It was always me being kidnapped. And that I was his bodyguard because in the beginning, he didn't have bodyguard. In the beginning, and I'm like, "I've been with people like, around people that were very like, not as big as you are right now. Where's your, where's your stuff? Like, where's your bodyguard?" A lot of people want a bodyguard because that makes them feel like they're important enough to happen. No, Jared knee, like, to the point where I would have to wait outside the guy's bathroom, or he would go into the girls' bathroom with me because if not, like, he'd be sitting there pissing with his dick out and someone want to come up and like, "Have a [ __ ], can you sign my?" And I'm not playing. I've seen it happen. I've seen it happen. I've seen it happen. And like, or we would, it would be the funniest thing. We used to literally shut out Drake. I don't know. I don't know why we made this up. But everyone would be like, "Is that Juice WRLD?" And then like, we'd look at each other and like, be like, "You know, like, like on some like undercover [ __ ] like, are you ready?" And then you're like, "No, it's Drake." And like, we would run, like, because we just didn't feel and get in the car and dip. Um, yeah, I don't know. I don't know why, like, we just would always say that [ __ ]. So now it's like, people were like, "Ali Lottie or Lottie." Like, that. And I like, go to look and be like, like for him and be like, "It's Drake." And then, no, it doesn't work like that anymore, right? I just have to be like, "Hi, how are you? I love you. Don't make me cry. Okay, I gotta go. Bye." So I don't go out. And he never really wanted to go out either, as a thing. You have to remember, that kid was the kid that when we went to New York, he didn't want to go and be like, "Oh, what table is there? Oh, what, right, what place to eat is there? Or what this or what rapper start playing that game right away?" He, he was like, "Where is the game stop? And how much money do they take? Can I buy the GameStop?" Or like, that's what we spent. That's what he spent money on. Like, yes, we spent money on clothes because we like, we're very, very into a lot of fashion. And like, a lot of our fashion came from previous older collections. Like, um, in general, he would have people come over that would only have things from runway. Like, and I have like three Chanel purses that he had got me, um, from 1993, because that's when I was born. Oh, wow. Um, you know what I mean? Or things, things like that. You don't even, like, he was very, like, he thought about things in that sense. If he was gonna spend money, not, not on bottles. He didn't drink. And if he drank, I would get so pissed. Like, like, you guys are getting him to drink, but yet I have to take care of that later. Like, stop, stop. Just no. Don't get him that junk. Don't let him have that bottle. Pour him a drink. He's Juice WRLD. Like, get up and pour him a drink. Or don't give him a drink. Don't give him a bottle. I get it. But no, I get very upset.

Um, so I don't want to like drag you through talking about that day or anything, but after that, I mean, how would you describe basically like how you began, like how you, I don't know, tried to make it through that time period? Because like, presumably, you know, you just knew that you needed time before you could even think about, you know, rebuilding your life or starting to become normal again. Like, like, what did you actually do? Did you just sort of like sequester yourself alone and just try to, I don't know? It's hard for me to fathom. Yeah, no, I don't want you to even try to. And that's why I stayed quiet for so long is because I knew what I was going through was not for an audience. Not even an audience. It's like, you, it would, you need like a rated R like on like what the [ __ ] was happening within. Like, even if, like, even if I gave you a four-minute, like, a four-day time frame was like clips of me, like, like having, like, wait, I guess because at that point, you don't just, you don't, tears aren't real. Tears aren't, wait, come out. You're moaning. You're like, you're so hurt that, like, you're just like screaming. You know, not screaming out of anger, just like, you know, you get sad and tears come out. When you're that sad, like, there's nothing that comes. Or like, when you go through something like that traumatic, there, you don't have, like, tears don't surf ice. Tears aren't what comes out of your body when you feel that. I didn't know what kind of pain that was. It was different. Glimpse of just like a four-day period was, I was not allowed to even, even to this day, I'm barely allowed to use the bathroom alone or be by myself alone. So you always try to have people around you? At first, I was forced to have people around me. But who was even making that call? Um, me myself. Anyone who saw me. So you're scared of yourself in a way? Oh, I mean, if you would have let me climb into that [ __ ] casket, I would have gone. You could have buried me alive in there. Me, my dogs, and Jared. I would have been a okay. Wow. Hey, okay. Like, if you bring it up right now, and you let me into that, that's let him go. I'll, I'll be a okay. Let me in there, right? So the, the first, what, four days possibly was just me. I just remember like clips of me, like grabbing onto people's collars and being like, "It's okay. Like, it's not, this has nothing to do with you. Like, I just gotta go. Like, I cannot. This is not it. I gotta go." You really didn't want it? No, no, no, no, no. Even now, I'm here for my dogs and for the fans, like, and to make sure that the story is legit, like what it needs to be. And who needs to be reminded how happy this person was, how happy, hopefully, if I continue doing what he wants for himself and for myself, will be that happy or positive. But no, if I didn't have that, like, if it had my dogs, uh, and if something happens, you have to put me, the dogs, put, put us all down. I'm good. We're good. But then at the same time, like, you have a [ __ ] nation, millions of kids who like, basically are looking at you for answers because that's the only reason why, right? And that's the only reason why I am here. I look at my dogs, I'm like, "I know you miss your dad too. This sucks. But you know, people know you." I like, talk to my dogs. You just ask them, like, "People know you." Like, I look, like, look at Kaplan. I'm like, and Kaplan will look like Jared. Uh, his eyes will turn like straight to Jared's eye color. It's ridiculous. It'll be like this warm, like bourbon honey, like color, which was Jared's eyes fully, like, in the sun. And like, even, uh, Ski, Scheme, Jake, a bunch of them, they've set out on several occasions without me. This is something that I kept in my head because I'm like, "Ally, stop. Like, just keep it in your head. Don't, you know, you don't have to, like, you sound like you're reaching." You get them saying, like, "Don't do that." And I wasn't reaching at all. It would be people like, they'd really be like, "Ally, look." And like, Gabe would show me, like, "Hey, I just looked this up this morning." And you said that, like, I have the screenshots of me sending it to so and so that I was just looking at Kaplan's eyes and they look like Jared. And like, screenshot, screenshots and shows me. And I had said it because the sun was in his eyes. And I'm saying it to myself. I'm like, "Oh, look." I was like, "Hey, hey, Jay." Like, I'll be like, like, and because I know that it would be Jay's eyes, not Jared, not Kaplan's eyes, where I'd sit there and like, talk with him. I'm like, "Sorry, guys. I know this sucks, but people know you. You gotta [ __ ] be here." Like, so, like, and then, and I'm just talking to my dogs, like, I'm like, "You gotta be here because if you're not here, [ __ ], I'm not here. So figure it out." Like, when River was just super sick, I had to, like, it would get me sick. Like, I went to the pride. It was probably like, eight times I've had seizures this past year alone. Really? Stress-induced seizures. I'm not epileptic. Nothing. I've been clean for since like, clean completely with everything other than weed here or there. And it's really, I smoke. You see what it took? A little bit. And I got super high, right? Like, literally, other than what the doctors have me on, is I think it was October, like, completely, like, pianick. I was like, "I'm gonna just, my first, my first like, uh, YouTube, I'm just gonna be, it's gonna be me like, peeing in a cup so everyone could shut up, like, leave me alone." Because everybody like assumes that you're gonna medicate. Well, this is the thing. Not only did I not, my thing was, I knew I needed to slowly make my way down from where I was. One, I was never, there was two times that I felt that I was high during that many months, right? And during those two times, I went and bawled my eyes out because I was high and I felt like, "Oh my god, like, where's Jared?" You know what I mean? Like, it was too triggering. So anything else that I did was so that I wasn't getting sick or that I wasn't. And then I finally got myself to a place where I was like, "Okay, you can take this and this medication. Well, do this."

This is this, and it's from your doctor, and you're supposed to be, and this, and that. And then you also have to remember, just how Jared had, you can't just take someone off drugs and not get their mental health checked out, you know? I have to take my like, different mental health problem medications, so that also, you know what I mean? It's like, alright.

And then everyone's like, "Oh my god, you're so skinny!" And I'm like, "Yeah, if you knew me my whole life, you know that this was normal, and that when I was either pregnant, or on drugs, or on this, or stressed, I gained this weight." You know what I'm saying? Like, people who knew me and saw me, they were like, they knew exactly what I was, or when I wasn't this, or when I was that. They'd be like, "Look at your," or "Look at this." And then I'm like, "This is supposed to be a secret, so don't say anything to anyone."

So, wait. So when were you pregnant? There was three separate times. Wow. But because of stress, because of everything going on, there was obviously different complications with different ones. But the first, I'll never forget that. And that's where I was. I remember like, my mom flew in, and Lexi flew in. I don't know. And I remember being like, and I was like, to the point where I was so distraught, I walked into like, the hotel room, like that. Into a hotel room. I walked into the hotel and I sat on the floor. I went to a random, random level. I didn't know where I was. I didn't know what was going on. I just like, went into like a, like a, I don't know.

Yet, think about it. I never even was, uh, not with Jared, because he saw us always together. I was not even alone from his body for like, the most put together, maybe a day. If you put all the hours of all the times we weren't together, maybe a day. Wow. Like, other than him being in the same house as me, or being like, in the studio and I'm in our room watching TV. You know what I mean? That was the thing. I was never like, we would watch what Jared wanted, or like, what we like, kind of agreed on, which was Jared wanted. And like, I like scary movies, and he wouldn't watch them. Uh, via where Caroline came from, because I'd always be in there watching Caroline. And he'd be like, "Come on, it's a cartoon, it's not even scary." And he'd be like, "No, I'm scared." He watched like, it once. I think I got it. And he, like, after, after like 45 minutes of it, he was like, "I'm gonna go. I'm gonna make you something." And that's when he made Caroline, right? I was like, "Okay, like, still watch the movie."

Do you ever think about how different your life would be if you did have a baby right now? His baby. It was, it would be it now. Because, okay, so I don't know my truth. I don't know my real dad. When I was, when I was 20, I found out my dad, who I thought was my dad my entire life, wasn't my real dad. And I didn't care to find who my real dad was, because I was like, "My family is already crazy. Like, and I already moved like seven states away from you guys." So I did not want to be anywhere near any kind of family. So like, I don't want to know. Just let me know their last name so that like, if I ever meet anyone, I know that like, that's not my brother. You get what I'm saying? Like, I need to know. Yeah. Other than that, like, cut. I'm good. I don't think you deserve Ally Lottie as a [ __ ] daughter. I don't know you. You know what I mean? So I let that be. Um, but when it comes down to kids, I was always like, "I want to make sure that my child had a father." And that's, I was like, "And I never wanted a child until Jared was like, 'No, we're like, you're having like, this is what's happening.'" Right? And like, "No, like, it wasn't like a choice. It was like, this is what's happening." And I was like, "And you were on board with that?" Just like, "You're on board with everything else." I was like, "Whatever you say, King." Literally. Like, but also, but like, think about things. I was like, "Jared, think about it. Like, you see how we have to be with the dogs and always have all this stuff for the dogs? Like, we have to be like, 80 times more attentive and actually be there, and like, no one can live with us, and this, and that, and Bubba." And he's like, "No, I'm ready. Let's do it."

As soon as I like, I'm like, "Sit." And I'm like, "Oh my god, I hate a lot of spaghetti now." Like, like, it would be like, one thing. I'd always like, re-eat the same [ __ ] and just be like, "Oh my god, I'm done." But yeah, it'd just be a huge ordeal. But we try to keep it. And I try to be in my baggy clothes and my baggy PJs, or with a purse covering my tummy, or whatever it was. Because it was not just the only people that knew were me and Jared, and maybe two other people. And those, they, I mean, now if you ask them, I'm sure that they'll, you know, you. But even then, they knew not to say anything. There's a lot of things that people still don't know about me and Jared that like, when it comes down to like, us and our relationship and like, everything that only a couple people were there for that, like, no, are legitly real. You know what I mean? Like, right? Obviously, my OB-GYN, you know, I mean, like, but like, people that, like, other than that, like, that were around us, you know what I mean? Like, because I didn't want, I'm so weird with energy. I don't want people to be like, "Oh, well." And I'm like, "Bro, this is his child. This is for him. He chose this." Like, but I chose it because, yes, he's going to be a great father. You don't even like, yes, he'd be this or that. Yes, that would be amazing for him to, if that's what it takes for him to slow down, is I have to. So I'm always scared. Like, I love kids. I love kids so much. And I love like, the beforehand of thinking about kids and like, making them. But like, as a woman, the process of it, shout out, because I cannot. It scares me. I'm like, scared to like, that whole. It's nothing to play around with. It's not. No, no, no, no, no. Seeing how much my girl's life changed. Yeah, yeah. No, that's. And I, but I already was like, I said before this, I made up a life. So I was like, "Okay, at night is when I go and do everything I have to do. During the day, I could be a normal, like, mommy and normal." I was like, "A normal fur dog mom." You know, made sure I went and walked them around, make sure I went fishing, did that. Does that like, whatever they want, I did it." You know what I mean? Which obviously is like, a little [ __ ] baby percentage of what a child would be. You know what I mean? But I was like, "Jared, do you see this? Like, are you able to, if I go out to like, go get my facial, are you able? Do you remember to let the dogs out? Do you remember?" "Okay, so you let the dogs out? Okay, cool." You know, this is that, or blah. He would remember and do more. So I'm like, "Alright, if you're telling me this is what it would take for you to just, uh, alright, here's my body. It's yours anyway. Like, sure. You already mean like, we're having a kid, but you're gonna be a good dad? Like, you're gonna be a good dad. That's why. Because like, I obviously am like, I'm good at being a mom, but like, I gotta do it right. That scares me. That's something. You know what I mean? Like, it scares me. That just the process scares me."

So when I think about it, and I think about Jared, like, if I had his child, I don't know. Obviously, it would make me the happiest person in the world. If I still had a piece of Jared, you know what I mean? One. But it would be so much harder to move. Not on. Moving on even seems realistic. It's not even something that I could even fathom right now. Because you think about it, even if I was to think about like, I hop online and Jared's photoshopped in the pictures I took yesterday. So well, that I think that he's in it. You know what I mean? Like, it mind [ __ ] me. Like, I'm not like, like the second I pick up this phone and put in my thing, I am Jared. Jared is still here. Jared is. Yeah. There's literally my boyfriend now. He's my fiancé. He's back to be my fiancé. It's back to normal. Even though it's R.I.P. at the end of the picture, he's still every [ __ ] thing. Every. Okay, I remember everything that happened. Where I was right here when this hop. You know what I mean? So it's like, I put it down. I mean, yeah, you just, she just showed her like, tagged photos. And it's like, it doesn't. That wasn't. That was my explore page, right? That was my time. If I wanted my tag, it would be like, which. And I love my fans for it all, because it all does bring back a lot of good memories when I have the ability to go on and do, which is now. You know what I mean? That I'm better in a sense. I'm not best. I'm not anywhere near, you know, any happiness that I had before this, even before Jared. But I'm getting a little bit better with myself.

Voi, we even went with what I went with for my job. Like, right? I took my old tattoo that I got when I felt like I was free about like six years, seven years ago, when I was when I did dance and I had like all this money, I had anything, I could do whatever I wanted. Stop dancing and like, came out here, went there, just lived life for a little bit. [Music] And took that person and put everything that I like, all my tattoos, like my hair, like at that point in time when we dread, when we drew it up, you know what I mean? Um, just I felt like my tattoos are my experiences because I have so many of them. They all mean something. And throughout that process of when I had gotten that tattoo versus what my body looks like now with tattoos, or with what they mean, or whatever it is, I was like, at it all. At everything that is mine that looks like me. And let's make it. Jared would always like joke with me and be like, "You're just this little anime thing." Like, "And a little who?" Like, and poke my nose. And like, I like, we just thought it was the cutest thing. You know what I mean? Like, it was like his, his perfect thing. He's playing video games this whole time. Like, he's at the club with a Switch. He's like, "It's okay, I got my little, I got a who at home. Like, I got a little anime thing. Like, I'm playing her right now." You know what I mean? Like, so he loved it. It was fun. But like, I was always like, "Let's just make this anime. It's what we would watch. It's what we would like, vibe with." And like, make it just have everything good and bad that I've gone through. So let's just show it with the tattoos because it'll make it.

It's complicated for you. Like, at some point, you have to start making money, right? And I remember you getting like, a lot of backlash from even doing like, some Fashion Nova posts, right? A lot of people. And I look, you have no idea. When I tell you, I follow myself and Jared on Twitter and like, everything else. I don't. I don't know. Like, I, I know that so many things and so many people have said things about me. But because I know that, like, I know the truth. Just how like, this is right here. Like, to the point that like, I've signed things that that it's like, you know the truth so much that like, "Hey, make sure that like, everything is like, always positive because this was a very traumatic situation you went through." You know what I mean? Like, I know. So like, with that said, I'm like, "I don't need to know what anyone that doesn't know. And I don't want you to know." So you try to just avoid seeing any kind of the Christians. I don't even try to avoid. I just don't. I really don't. If I have to post something, I go and post. If I don't, and that's the thing. It's like, you guys have to remember, I didn't. I didn't need any of Jared's money. Never once. Other than when he had to rebuy me everything, which was not a problem. We could have set for my stuff. You know what I mean? Which would have still been all these Lily bags, all these this, all these. It would have been no different. Well, not, I can't say no different because he had gone and really had enough money to do whatever he wanted. And one of those things was shopping and making sure we m, we matched and this and that. You know what I mean? But aside from that, I already, like, I was saying, I already had a good amount of things. I already had a good amount of whatever I wanted to have. You know what I mean? I had my dogs. I had. I'm simple. But like, not like, I'm not impressed by a lot because I've already seen a lot. And that was before Jared. But then Jared showed me even more because it was with love. It was with like, "No, this is for you. Like, you don't think." Like, "No, this is like, I love you and like, I'm going to show everyone and I want to be here and do all that." Like, you know what I mean? So it's like, I, I definitely, I definitely loved that part of our relationship where there was no second thought on like, you know, "Jared loves Ally." You know, "Ally loves Jared." So at the end of the day, I don't think that you could really, whatever you would say, "Oh, Ally killed that," or "Ally is the Ally." Um, you guys just got the police reports. I'm pretty sure I saw that just recently. There's got to be some ugly [ __ ] that's been said, right? Literally. I mean, with the things that have been said, I'm sure it's worse than I've seen. You know, they've come from such false. Like, even, even when people tried to make documents, it was like, if you know what the document is supposed to be looking like, you're like, it's like giving a doc. It's like me. It's like giving like, a 13-year-old like, court papers that aren't real, that just look like court papers. And it's like, "Here you go. Now go. It's real." And it's like, "No, I just printed it off my my computer right here, and it's of someone else." And I just, just how people can Photoshop with this or that, they could make it. Or they could have it from someone's name when I don't even have anything in that same state. And that person is born in 1980 something, and I am born in 1999. You know what I mean? They take out those things and add other things to make it look like it could be me. When in reality, we can go through my Watchmen Caller right now, and I have a Tennessee ID, um, and I have a Jersey passport. So other than that, there's nothing connecting me to any other states at all, which is where other information I saw came from. Oh, Southern California. I'm like, "I don't think I've ever even been in the most." Is this Southern California? Yes. This here. L.A. Yes. I figured like, down there would be Southern California. It's still, still social. Although, right? But it's like, nothing. You could drive two hours north and you're in like, mid-California. Okay, so San Diego, L.A. is still Southern California. Oh, okay. See, me, I'm, I'm Jersey. It's so small. We're like, Cape May is like, southern, southern. And I'm like, where I am is like, lash, I guess. It's like southern, but almost right there in the middle. And then it's like, the middle to the top is completely differently. True. This is a big-ass state. Yeah, yeah. I didn't realize because [ __ ] don't go past San Francisco, but there's a whole bunch after. No, there's so much. It's really. You know how many times they've gone to random places for photo shoots in L.A.? Not L.A. I say like, like if L.A.'s California, right? No, it's been like, hours and hours and hours and hours and hours. And I'm like, "What is actually going on here?" And we end up in the desert somewhere. I'm like, "I'm not gonna lie, we could throw some clouds out here and have a good time." And that's how we ended up having his like, birthday party. He was like, "I'm her first birthday party." And we go there every year. You don't even know to, um, to obviously celebrate him. Um, because I'm not good with going to like, graveyards. So I'm not, like I said, I'd climb right in and just chill. Like, I'm to this day. So I just don't. I can't yet. I can't. Well, one, I can't even get on a plane. So we getting there is a whole another issue. But like, not, can't get on a plane. I'm allowed to go on a plane. Completely. You're gonna at some point. But it's, I'm gonna try to make this one's Rolling Loud right now. It's, it's, I have everything set. I just need to get into the airport without having a panic attack and dying, or having a seizure, and then getting on the plane and not dying, or having a seizure, and getting off and being okay, and then getting back on and coming back this way, which is not. It's like a 50/50. Okay, I'm not gonna lie. So that's why I haven't tried it. Um, but yeah, I don't. I'm gonna try though. I told myself this year that I'm gonna like, make a very, like, because my last year's thing was, "Hey, make sure you follow into the footsteps of what Jared was working on, what we were both working on." Um, and I mean, at the end of the day, I can understand if there was, how do I, how do I word this? I get, I get everyone, "Oh, go to, go to rehab, go to rehab, go to rehab." One, I didn't go to rehab. I did keep up with my therapist. I came up with my psychiatrist. I did keep up with everything going on. I did not actually go to a rehab. I ended up getting off everything by myself and doing everything afterwards that I need to do, checking in with that, and it being like, in a sense, an outpatient thing, but more just of my own will, right? Um, but when it comes down to Jared or me, during that time, would say that none of this happened, right? Where were we going to have the? Because it, I did it. I did it. Like, I 100% did it. And it took me a minute, and I was grieving. And I didn't even take that into consideration. People don't think about that. Like, grieving people normally run towards this. Like, "Yeah, I'm running away." And just, just to prove the point that this is what we said we're gonna do, we're gonna do it. You know what I'm saying? Like, I could do it. I could do whatever I want right now. Literally. And it doesn't matter because what do you, what do you do? Put me in a crazy. I'd, okay, put me there. I've seen some crazy [ __ ] [ __ ]. I'd probably deserve to be there now. Like, I don't know what to say. You know what I mean? Like, what's the worst? Like, I don't understand. So like, me being and doing the positive and the right things in life when I have every reason to be mean or be upset or be a grouch to the world, or or to to myself, or to the people around me, and I don't. And I'm not doing those things. I'm like, if anything would have changed, would have, would there still have been, unless like, we really took into the things I took the things that I was saying into consideration, where, where was the time going to be for us to do this? Because you saw us, you were on the move. That, yeah. And again, his work ethic, beautiful. Yeah, because things were, things already there. I still had, I had to change my phone so that I didn't see the old calendar. We had like, years already planned. So I'm like, "Where is this?" So we're supposed to do like, a blood transfu, like, transfer thingy. I don't even know. Some crazy thing. So it would only be like, we'd be like, I guess, like asleep or something for three days, I mean, four days. I don't know. All in a doctor's office. Like, but even then, that does not. I learned from doing all of this alone, literally alone, that you have to really actually, you got to do it mentally. You can't just, I can't physically just like, "Okay, yeah." And "Okay, yeah." Like, no, that's not. You gotta, that, that mental health is still there. Just because the drugs are taking the mental health, I still need to take my medicine for this. I still need to take my medicine for that, or we're gonna end up in a [ __ ] show. So it's like, where either, when it comes down to people asking me, you know what I mean? I haven't figured it out yet. Like, because at the end of the day, when we're, when, where was the, where, when, when will we have the time? When was the time put out? I didn't see it. And I've already said stuff about it. He would have had to change his whole lifestyle so much to sort of facilitate that. It wouldn't have been much at all. Yeah, it would have just had to be me and him by ourselves, right? And then, and I actually have a break. Like, I was saying, I feel like he didn't think he had earned the break yet, right? No, he, he, he absolutely knows and knew he earned the right. But like, he was such a new artist that I think that he kind of felt like, "I have to solidify this role that I'm in." Sort of. Nope. He was going to be able, he was going to sit there, put an album out that we had, he, I have written right on that phone. Because artists take time off all the time, right? It's not out of the ordinary for a rapper to take five months off. Yeah. Think about it. That would have been his third album. Think about Kanye. We don't hear from Kanye for like, three years, four years. That's what I'm saying. He's. And people are, with even just the little things that he has, people are already, "You're like Wayne," or "You're like this," or "You're like when he did the other." They're like, "Oh, you switched it up and went this way." Just like, "Wait." You know what I mean? Like, you're talking about a GOAT, a legend. The bad things that you're saying about Death Race for Love, you're, you're saying a bad thing in your head because it's not what you thought you wanted. Because you might be going through this right now, but he's trying to teach you to be positive, or happier, or but, or like, be more aware of your own mental illness, or is it drug addiction, or is it this, or is it? There's a lot of coding and wordplay to what he says. People just think it's just drugs, or love, or this, or sadness, or that, and depression. It's like, "Yeah, I was there." When he described to you the kind of mental health problem he had, he didn't just say, "Hey, Adam, I'm just doing jokes. I want to be high all the time, 24/7." And she says, "Let's just do crack." Like, because then there would have been like, "No, he was, he would have been a drug, a drug addict." He sat there and said, "No, Adam, hold my hand. Clap my hand." Now, I don't realize if that's real or not. He gave you a full explanation of what his mental health issue was. When there was others, obviously. But he was even able, in that moment, I remember that day, like, because he would tell that story, because that was something he was aware of of himself. Now, he's not explaining it to you like a doctor. He's not telling you, "Oh, that you have bipolar, you have this, you have that," or whatever it is. So take this, and you're going to be good. Because you have lived such a crazy life that you definitely have to. You, you don't have a life where you live in a bubble. So you have to take this, this, and this, because my life, even if I go, just how everyone says, "Oh, she's in her room 24/7, blacked out." Like, lights blacked out. It's everything's blacked out except for the huge TV, and we're just watching TV. And that's what she does. Because the second I do anything else, it's right. Like, people kind of want you to permanently be like, a depressed widow, right? I guess. A lot. It's just how, yeah, I guess. And there's a lot of truth to that. But then at the same time, you don't want to be that forever. You want to be able to move on at some point, even though it's going to be hard. And when it comes down to it, it's more or less, they could want me to be whoever they think they want me to be, and that's fine. And I don't care what I, when it comes down to, I have to make money. Obviously. One, I didn't and never wanted and do not have Jared's money. There's not one thing other than the things that he got me because he took me from the things that I owned. What I'm saying? Like, so yes, obviously they're more glamorous, maybe, or this, or that. But that's just Jared wanted these things for me, right? Just how he has the exact same things because he wanted to match. You know what he means? Even these are his glasses. He got when we were in, which we call it, like, it's little things. You know what I mean? Like, they're my memories. They're my thing because that's all we did together. Other than that, we were on tour, and everyone else has that. So I, I only have these little things. Other than that, I don't have this. I don't have that. And I have every, Jared has given me plenty of reasons to be able to be like, "No, this is mine," or "That is mine," and that is this. I don't want anything to do with that because I am, yes, I'm part of Juice World. Like, I know. Like, I know who Juice World is. I know what he sings. That, I mean, [ __ ] he sings about me, about his exes, about his life, about what he did that day, about you being over, just freestyling. You know, the kid can just talk about whatever. So yes, I'm part of it. But Jared is, I'm like, "I know Jared. Like, Jared's mine." You know what I mean? So it's like, it's difficult for me to, I guess it's not, I'm not not put in a role. Like, it's just weird being put in a role for me. You know what I mean? Because I am that depressed ass what a [ __ ] but I can't be. If you only knew what that looked like. People think that this is what that looks like, right? This is a very. Do you understand? I, I look, I know that I look like I smell like five-day-old like Chanel or something. I don't know what. I know I look, I don't look as great as I could. So, but, but I know that this is way like, 3000% up. It's probably more honest than coming in full glam right now. I mean, do you think I could even? Because I couldn't. You know me. You probably haven't done that since. Or did you? I never. If I put, Jared would make me take off my makeup. If I put makeup on, he let me shop there all the time. I'm never allowed to wear it. Literally. I came out, we did the, uh, I remember it was the, um, photo shoot for, it's like, we're on the quads and we have like, his like merch on or whatever. I, you know, put some makeup on. He comes out. He looked at me. He was like, "What are you doing?" I was like, "What am I doing? What's wrong?" He was like, "Come here." And he gave me a little wipey and then just, he took it off. You, you've seen the flames. He takes up, he'll take off my me. He said, "Okay, come on." And hopped on the quad and took the pictures. Wow. He would not. That. So I always, I was like, "Okay, so if I'm not allowed to." And I was always a makeup girl. Like, I loved. I know it's not like I need makeup. I just, I like makeup. Like, it's artsy. It's like fun. I could do whatever with it, or I could just [ __ ] make sure my face looks [ __ ] done. And I don't think I'm dying. But in general, I'm gonna come comfy because I already, I'm already working through enough mentally. If I had to think about like, something hurting on me right now, like, I'm not. I'm good. I'm not with it. Not doing it, for sure.

So Lottie Biscotti. So I've been smoking on it for a minute. And you're a weird girl now. Well, you're already a weird. Yeah, I was always, always. Yeah. I think you're not a healer now. Now I'm a drug dealer, but it's [ __ ] legal. So if we're going to talk [ __ ], there you go. No, but for real. Um, the lady of Biscotti. I figured because in the beginning, what was helping me understand the fans, or like, understand my like, role with the fans, because Jared would try to like, when he was here, would explain it to me in certain ways. So I took those ways after he passed away and tried to make it fit in my head. Like, "Okay, he said this, this, this, and that." So, "Lady, go online and see like, just go bu and chill and see if that's like a thing. Like, if that's if that's what they're okay with seeing." You know what I mean? Like, because I'm not willing to share anything else at that moment. You know what I mean? And yeah, I just sit there and I'd smoke. And you know, Joe, you'd come over. We always only had Biscotti. And now we didn't have Lottie Biscotti. You know what I mean? But you know, his ass like, "Why do you get to just get out of here? Lottie was got you to make it all up and make a [ __ ] thing." And it would be so funny. So, um, yeah, I end up being like, there's, there's only like, to make Biscotti, it just, it takes like, the formula. You know, the formula is a little bit different. There's only a couple of. I'm not a weed grower. So, oh well. When it comes to Biscotti, there's only a couple of them that actually can fall under Biscotti in a way. Yeah. Um, and there's like, close formulas, and there's this, and there's that. So this Lottie Biscotti, and it's them. It gives me the same high that I and Jared would have when we were smoking. And that was the way that I was smoking. You know what I mean? Like, online, chilling with people. And I'm like, at that point in time, they're like, "Let's just all smoke together." We'd all be smoking together. Like, all little fans and all of us just chilling, listening to like, either Jared's music, elevator music. This one time, I wasn't a lot to listen to my own. Like, Jared made a whole album about me, and I wasn't allowed to listen to it on Instagram. I don't know why. Yeah, but it was like, a one-time thing. I don't know what happened. But so I listened to elevator music instead.

So you don't have access to all the unreleased music? No, I do. You really do? Yeah, I do. I just don't. I'm very low-key about it. I don't have it and anywhere anyone can get their hands on it. All right. And the songs that I do have that I have like, I switch them out and like, I like, we'll delete them and switch them for like, "Okay, I'm feeling this today." But you guys have the thing about it too. I'm totally like the grandma from Coco right now. Still don't. Like, I could tell you to this day, I still have not listened to Death Race. I'm not. That phrase. Like, that first for love is the last thing I listen to. I have not listened to Legends Never Die. I can't do it. Really? Yeah. Still, because I told Eve, I've been told the fans. I feel like they think I'm lying. I have not. That just fly was that Jay, what's your job? Your phone? Oh my god, now that happens to me all the time. And I'm just like, "Okay, Jared." Like, something flies. I'm like, "Alright, I'm good. I'm gonna leave it alone because I don't know what's going on."

Can we do this again sometime? We can. Because I feel like, well, we're already like an hour and a half late for the No Jumper livestream. I woke up and came here. You guys know I do it every time. I literally texted Adam, I was like, "I'm so sorry. I just hate that I woke up. I don't want anyone to think that I was like, rushing to end this or anything because it's like the least, the last podcast I would ever want to rush." But also, I had, I had to literally. First of all, it's better like that. So just, because if we stay here for four hours, they might really start to feel like, "Oh, now we know everything." No, that's a thing. That's the thing. It's like, it can be something that you're, I'm, you're sitting down with it. And you know how close, you don't even me and Jared were. So it's like, you know that you're saying, "Okay, what you're saying is, I watched this happen," or "I watched." So it's like, "Okay, we could really get the whole story here, but we can't give it all of them right now." That's how we'll keep it. I'm just gonna keep it at that. I could think of a lot of other things that could ask. You know what I mean? This was like, this, oh, by the way, this was like, last, like, like these when you can't. I'm like, "Okay, cool." I felt, I love the vibe. Like, I'm like, "It made me answer comfortably here." Yeah. Oh, okay. Like, normally, like, I'd be like, "Okay, getting nervous." And I'll tell you like, I'll be like, "I'm nervous. Like, I can't do this right now." Like, yeah. No, because, but I think it's just cause it's you. And you know, I think people walk in here and it smells like weed and they're like, "Oh, I can smoke weed in here." And that makes me feel comfortable. I'm like, "You know what?" I even double-checked and asked. Yeah. I was like, "Well, you also thought you couldn't say [ __ ] or [ __ ]." You know what? Why do I have this problem? I'm like, "Am I allowed to smoke weed?" But I'm gonna call myself a kind. But have you been on YouTube? Like, on YouTube, you can say whatever. Swears. Well, I mean, I guess actually you're really not. I don't. I have no idea. You get to monetize. I have, I have YouTube, but I'm, I'm actually posting tonight. Hey, we'll leave it at that. How would that be? Really posting my first YouTube tonight and gonna just, I guess that's exciting. It's not much, but it is. Just to let people know, um, more about because this collab is like, when I did everything for it, it's very like, even down to the color, right? And the colors I used, super, super, super. Um, like, I'll have stories. And then I also want to show everyone because it's based off my one tattoo. The tattoo that Jared and I got. Um, well, Jared got the night before he passed away, and I was supposed to get, but I never woke up to get it because he called the doctor and didn't want me to know. And then when I came back from the, um, Rolling Loud, because I went from the funeral, off the plane, to the Rolling Loud thing, and then went home and got this tattooed. So I'm gonna show that tonight. And my, no one's seen it because everyone wants to like, take the tattoos. They don't want to like, they, they got like, "I love all," and like, they don't realize that like, those are my initials. Or like, and I'm just like, or they had like, the "I'm sorry" one. And I'm like, "That's because I got caught him like drinking lean." So he put "I'm sorry" on his hand so he remembers not to touch it. When he touched it. Wasn't that hard to catch him drinking? Like, he was drinking a lot of lean. Oh, no, it was very hard. No, listen. He let me. Let me leave you with this one. I caught him only there's twice. The one time it's just. And he would look at me and he's like, "God, [ __ ] is telling like, you, you know, something's weird with you because you know." And I'm like, "Well, I'll like call him out on certain [ __ ] if I think he's high." And I'm like, "You're high." Like, "I know that he's like, a fun thing or another thing." But then when I noticed the difference between lean, I was like, "No, lean." And then because I could tell, I could tell now. And then I was like, "You're off lean." But I didn't have any proof. You get what I'm saying? I was like, "I don't have the proof to back it up." [ __ ]. Well, this one time, I was watching TV. He said he was going to go out to the, um, the kitchen. And I was like, "Alright, cool. Go to the kitchen, get a drink." He comes back in super late, right? And I'm like, "My kitchen's like, six steps away." Like, it's a big house, but you were not there that long. I know you. So then he did it again. And I was like, "I'm getting up. I'm gonna go out there and get a cookie." Like, "I'm just gonna go get a cookie." And I went out there. And like, in my house, it was like, you walk out of my room, you make a left doorway to go outside. Next thing is like, the like, living room. The first living room. And if you make a right, it's the kitchen. And long behold, he wasn't in the kitchen. But if you keep going straight, and it's all open, so you just keep going straight. There's another living room. And then to the left is the movie theater studio. And here I see little Mr. Butterfingers with some little baby lean bottle. And he's like, pouring it into his. And you know, I love sippy cups. So that was the downfall of me not knowing is because I'm like, "Sippy cups every day, all day." And then get him sippy cups thinking that it's cute. Now learning later on that you, that sippy cups hit a lot. Um, and I threw a fit. I threw a fit. I threw a fit. I, I was like, "Are you joking?" And then I just look at him. I was like, "You're joking, right?" And then he, he just like, stopped and like, brought into the bathroom and threw it like, threw it down the toilet. And like, was freaking. He's like, "I'm so sorry." That's just how, that's just how what's recalled that one song like, "Packing her." He like, literally unpacked my bags while I was packing it before, like, on a different occasion. Like, that's where that song came from. It's all real. All this [ __ ] like, it's real. Wow. Yeah. But that time I was really mad. That's when I could. He, he had this problem where he would think about really cute things. Like, I told you, these people will come over and get me Chanel bags for my birthday, or like this, or that. Like, like, you can, can never find like, alligator skin. I love alligator. Um, so it's just like, like things like that. And I'm just like, "I'm still mad. Like, you can't be doing this." And then he, it, and then he doesn't do it. And then I find out later on, someone might have given him this. And I'm like, "Let me figure out that it's you." And then Jared's like, "No, it was just me." And I'm like, "You were with me? What do you mean?" And then, but people knew that. Like, they just didn't want to get yelled at by me. Because if you get yelled at by me, then you get kicked out. And they didn't want to get kicked out of Juice World's world. At the end of the day, you don't want to make Mom mad. Exactly. So no one would tell me the truth. But then some people did. And when they did, is when I obviously put my foot down and [ __ ] got [ __ ] right. But like, when I have eight different energies in the house, and I'm trying to [ __ ] keep one straight, and he's just so charismatic. Like, it's charismatic. Am I saying that right? Charismatic. Charismatic. Thank you. Sorry. Yours was cool too. Chairs make charisma. Is that wrong? I feel like maybe. What are words? Thank you. See, I hit it once, and I'm like, "Too high to even say the right word." Um, but yeah, no. Uh, I would be like, "I can't do this. I have to just focus on you." And when everyone else is intertwining, it's not as easy as everyone thinks. Okay, so we could leave it at that one for now. We'll leave it at that for now. Literally. Thank you so much for sharing this with me. You're welcome. I really appreciate it. I feel like if anyone could be someone that I could share this with, it would have to be. It answered a lot of questions that I had, kind of. Well, yeah, no, there's, there's, there's a lot more, you know, that. But that's just because you're, you're in a sense that it's what you're close. You've been there. You've seen part of the universe. You know what I mean? Like, small role. It's different. It's different when you try to talk to people and they don't know about like, the real life, like coming over, hanging out with Jared. Jared. Yeah. It's, it's, it's easier just to talk to you than it would be someone who I have to like, explain. Yeah, everything too. It's harder because not everyone understands everything. Oh, common sense isn't the same common sense. I gotta tell you something. Why the Patreon subscribers are on the screen right now? I don't know what the hell that is. It's okay. But we, we got to do it. Who is it? Yeah, it's just some, some hardcore fans. Their names are on the screen. Patreon.com/NoJumper. I gotta throw the plug in. Sorry. Patreon. Not to be disrespectful, but you guys are the [ __ ] right? They are. Yeah. Then you are. They're keeping the lights on. Oh, say less. Patreon. There's boobs on there too. Titties. Titties on Patreon. Yeah, that needs to be the slogan. You guys want me to record it for you? [Laughter] Ally Lottie, thank you so much. Appreciation. I appreciate it. And Jammies and all. Appreciate it. That was real. No, always. Thank you. You guys. It's always real. No matter how. Sorry, my headband has been in the way the whole time. So I've been holding these down. It's like getting everything. And it's what it is. Only what you make it. Thank you so much. Yeah, thank you. I appreciate it. Ally Lottie, No Jumper, cool podcast, and world. Check us on YouTube, Patreon, all that. And titties. Like, comment, subscribe. NoJumper.com if you want to support. Rest in peace, Juice. Forever. Always. He's, he's, he's still guiding. Hmm. He's not [ __ ] up. He's not at rest yet. He's still guiding you. Pitching him up in heaven, just like in a [ __ ] recliner, just sort of. No, chuckling at us right now. No, he's too, bro. I would be down. He's famous up there too. No, no, no. He's busy doing something. He was always up there. There's no way he's just sitting there like, "You don't think he got two hours for us? Let's see what they're talking about." Yeah, he's down here like, guiding, doing what you gotta do. He's, he's here. He's up close and personal. That's what I'm saying. He's like, "No, I got, I got guiding stuff to do." He's, he's, he's too. He was restless. We can't, we can't dive into the afterlife right now. We're not going to sort out the whole tattoo for that one too. We cannot. Another time. Ally, appreciate you. No, you're the best. Thank you.