Transcription
If you're waiting for permission, you will be waiting forever. The truth, no one is coming to hand you a better life. No mentor, no manager, no partner, no system. And it's not your fault. Most of us were trained to wait.
But the people who thrive in the next decade, they won't be the most talented. They'll be the ones who have mastered this one skill, high agency. In this video, I want to do three things with you. First, I'm going to explain what high agency actually is because most people misunderstand it. Second, I will show you how most of us were quietly trained out of it without realizing it. And third, the most important part, I'll walk you through practical ways to build high agency starting today, even if you feel stuck or unsure. No hype, no just be confident and no pretending this is easy. This is about learning how to take responsibility for your life without becoming aggressive or burned out or overwhelmed.
So, let's start at the foundation. What is high agency really? When I talk about high agency, I'm not talking about productivity tricks. I'm not talking about confidence hacks. I'm talking about something much more fundamental. I'm talking about how you relate to reality when things don't go the way that you hoped.
There's an image that I saw once that captures this perfectly. Imagine two people stranded on a desert island. Same conditions, same lack of resources, same problem. Scattered around them are a few broken pieces of wood. So, one person uses the wood to spell out the word help on the sand. The other uses the same pieces of wood to start building a raft. Both people want to survive, but only one of them is operating from high agency. Low agency says, "Someone should come save me. This isn't fair. I can't move until something changes." High agency says, "This is the situation. What can I do with what's here? I may not be able to control the conditions, but I control my response." And that's the difference.
And I want to be very clear about something. High agency is not about blaming yourself. It's not about pretending circumstances don't matter. And it's definitely not just a matter of pulling yourself up by your bootstraps. It's about refusing to hand over authorship of your life even when the situation is unfair, uncertain, or deeply uncomfortable. In modern life, the help sign looks like waiting to be chosen, waiting for permission, waiting for motivation, waiting for confidence, waiting for someone else to fix it. The raft looks like experimenting, initiating, betting on yourself, making imperfect moves, figuring it out as you go. The raft is messier, less elegant, and much more effective. High agency isn't optimism. It's not positivity. It's an identity decision. It's the moment you stop asking, "Why is this happening to me?" and start asking, "What am I going to do with what's here?" Same island, same wood, very different futures.
Now, here's the part that surprises most people. Most adults weren't born with low agency. They were trained into it slowly, quietly, and with very good intentions. So, let's talk about how that happens. Think about how most of us grow up. We are rewarded for following instructions, for waiting our turn, for doing things the right way, and for not making mistakes publicly. Over time, we internalize a quiet rule. Wait to be chosen. It's safer. And here's the thing. Our society, our systems reinforces this. School, careers, institutions, all of them have hierarchies. All of them have permission structures. You submit, you wait, you get feedback. And slowly without anyone intending harm, agency gets outsourced.
I noticed this very clearly when I first started my YouTube channel. I did not feel ready. I didn't feel qualified. I didn't feel confident on camera. And there was no one saying yes, now is the moment. You may begin. No invitation, no credential, no permission slip, just a decision. I could have waited until I felt more confident or the message was more polished or someone validated that it was a good idea. And if I had, I would still be waiting. Or I could build a raft. I could say, "I don't know where this will go, but I am willing to figure it out in public." That decision, not talent, not timing, that's what changes everything.
But here is the problem. High agency doesn't feel good at first. It feels exposed. It feels super awkward. It feels like you're going to look like an idiot, which is exactly why so many people prefer the help sign. So, if you're sitting there thinking, "I know what I want, but I'm waiting." I want you to hear this clearly. You're not broken. You're not lazy, and you're not behind. You're just standing on an island holding the wood. The question is no longer, "Why do I feel stuck?" The question is, "Am I trying to be rescued or am I ready to build?"
So let's make that difference unmistakable. Let's talk about how you actually build high agency. Not in theory, not in some future version of your life, but right where you are with the constraints that you have. So I have five practices that I want to share with you. So let's start with practice number one.
Stop waiting for internal permission. The first way you build high agency is by stopping the habit of waiting for internal permission. Most people think that they need confidence, clarity, motivation, or the right mood before they act. But that's backwards. Confidence does not precede action. It follows evidence. Low agency sounds like, "I'll do it when I feel ready." High agency sounds like, "I'll act and then let readiness catch up." You don't feel ready before every new level. You feel exposed and then you move. That's the pattern. High agency people don't eliminate discomfort, they reduce the amount of the authority that they give it. Your feelings get a vote, they just don't get veto power.
Okay, moving on. Practice number two is make it your move even if you don't love the options. High agency doesn't mean you like the situation. It means you accept that someone has to move and you choose to be that person. Low agency waits for better options. High agency chooses the best available options and adapts. This is what separates people who feel perpetually stuck from people whose lives quietly keep moving forward. This is where agency gets real. High agency doesn't require great options. It requires ownership. Low agency says, "These aren't good choices. This isn't fair. I don't like any of this." And sometimes that's true. But high agency says given these constraints, what is my move? That's the shift from victim mindset to authorship. You may not have designed the island, but you are responsible for what you build on it. In practical life, this looks like you don't love your job, so you update your CV instead of stewing. You're unhappy with your health, so you adjust just one behavior instead of resenting your schedule. You feel overlooked, so you initiate instead of waiting. It's subtle, but it changes your posture entirely.
Okay. Next practice number three is to bet on yourself in small, not dramatic ways. When people hear bet on yourself, they imagine quitting their job or blowing up their life. That's not what I mean. High agency bets are usually small, reversible, and slightly uncomfortable. sending the email, making the ask, starting the thing before it's perfect. High Agency is built on small self-rust deposits. Every time that you initiate, experiment, and tolerate possible rejection, you send your brain evidence. I can handle movement, and that builds resilience faster than an affirmation ever could. Self-belief grows from self-evidence.
Okay, let's move on to practice number four, which is to reduce the gap between thinking and doing. Low agency lives in the gap between intention and action. High agency shortens that gap. It doesn't overthink the first step. It just takes it not because it's reckless, but because it understands that clarity follows movement. Low agency people often look thoughtful. They consume. They reflect. They plan, but they stay in the gap. High agency shortens the gap. You don't need a 12month road map. You just need the next move. We are entering a world of shorter cycles, faster feedback, and less guaranteed structure. People who thrive won't be the ones with the most perfect strategy. They'll be the ones who test, adjust, and iterate. Clarity is earned through contact with reality, not through thinking alone.
Now, if you're watching this and realizing I've been waiting, not because I'm lazy, but because I've been overwhelmed, I want to pause for just a second. This is exactly why I created the reset. It's my free 5-day challenge. It's not about doing more. It's about stepping out of passive mode and back into authorship of your life. It's structured, it's calm, and it's designed to help you to rebuild agency, one decision at a time. So, I will link it below if you want to join me. But for now, let's keep going because I have got one more practice to share with you and then we're going to talk about why high agency will matter more than ever in the years to come.
So, I want to emphasize that high agency isn't built in dramatic turning points. It's built in ordinary moments, choosing instead of drifting, acting instead of postponing, deciding instead of waiting. It's built when you get up when you said you would. you have the conversation that you've been putting off or you stop scrolling when you decide to. It's built in small acts of alignment because identity isn't shaped by your biggest leap. It's shaped by your repeated small daily acts. Every time you choose instead of drift, you strengthen the raft builder. And over time, that becomes who you are. So practice number five is to practice agency daily, not just in big moments.
And this brings us to the bigger picture. Because high agency isn't just helpful now, it's going to be essential going forward. So, let's talk about why. Here's why this conversation about agency matters now. Not 5 years ago, not 10 years from now. The world is becoming less structured, not more. Clear paths are disappearing. Linear careers are disappearing. Long-term guarantees are disappearing. And in their place, we have more choice, more ambiguity, more uncertainty, and fewer people telling you exactly what to do next. In a world like that, low agency becomes very expensive. Because when there's no clear ladder, waiting for permission doesn't protect you anymore. It just leaves you standing still.
We're entering a decade where no one is going to map out your path. No one is coming to pick you. And no system is designed to optimize your life. That's not pessimism. That's reality. And reality rewards the people who can respond. This is the part that people often get wrong. High agency isn't reckless. It's not chaotic. And it's not about burning everything down. It's actually the most stabilizing posture that you can take. Because when you trust yourself to respond, you don't need guarantees. High agency is what allows you to say, "Whatever happens, I will figure out my next move." Not because you know the future, but because you trust the person that you're becoming. That's the difference between feeling at the mercy of your life and feeling in relationship with it.
Back on that island, the person building the raft doesn't know exactly where it will take them. They just know this. Staying put isn't an option anymore. and neither is waiting. If this resonated, I want you to remember one thing. You don't need to be rescued. You don't need to be chosen. You need to decide. And if you want to keep going with this, I want you to watch the video that I am queuing up on the very next screen. It's called the one habit that eliminated my self-doubt. Because self-doubt fades fastest when agency becomes your default. And I will see you there.
Waiting to be chosen. waiting. Oh god, my voice. Okay, I'm just gonna It's gonna be fine. Hold everything. Mhm.