The transcription discusses the profound and lasting impact of childhood trauma, specifically focusing on self-blame and its internalization.

It contrasts the experience of victims who suffer trauma in childhood versus those who experience it later in life. For childhood victims, the trauma becomes deeply ingrained, forming the core of their identity. They internalize the belief that they are inherently flawed, unlovable, and deserving of negative emotions like disgust and revulsion. This self-perception is so strong that they don't even question it; they already have the 'answer' that they are 'garbage'.

In contrast, individuals who experience trauma later in life tend to externalize the blame or question the circumstances. They might ask 'why me?', 'why am I unlucky?', 'why am I weak?', or 'why didn't I fight back?'. While they still grapple with the trauma, they don't internalize it to the same fundamental degree as childhood victims, suggesting a less pervasive impact on their core identity.

SoulWords—Rabbi Shais Taub

There's always some degree of self-blame that any victim has. But when it happens during childhood, it becomes the very fabric of the person's personality. Like, "That is who I am. Who am I? I am worthy of disgust and revulsion. That is my identity. I am the one who incurs anger and frustration and wrath because that's just what I am. That's who I am. I'm constant, unlovable."

As opposed to someone that happened to them when they were older, so they don't internalize it as deeply. It'll be more like, "Why am I so unlucky? Why am I so weak? Why didn't I fight back?" They'll ask different types of questions. Well, actually, they'll ask questions. As opposed to the person who had happened to them when they were a child, they don't even ask the question because they have the answer already. "I know why I am garbage."

The IMPACT of Childhood Trauma from a Narcissistic Parent

there's always some degree of self-blame
that any victim has but when it happens
during childhood it becomes the very
fabric of the person's personality like
that is who I am who am I I am worthy of
disgust and revulsion that is my
identity I am the one who incurs anger
and frustration and wrath because that's
just what I am that's who I am I'm
consant unlovable as opposed to someone
that happened to them when they were
older already so they don't internalize
it as deeply it'll be more like why am I
so unlucky why am I so weak why didn't I
fight back they'll ask different types
of questions well actually they'll ask
questions as opposed to the person who
had happened to them when they were a
child they don't even ask the question
because they have the answer already I
know why I am garbage

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The IMPACT of Childhood Trauma from a Narcissistic Parent

Transcription