Transcription
I can imagine saying to my grandson, "You, you have to be careful not to eat a non-kosher candy. You have to be, you have to be shomer Shabbos. You, you have to keep kosher. You have to be honest. You have to honor your parents. You have to get good grades. You have to go to yeshiva. You have to get in time to the minyan."
And I can imagine my grandson saying, "I thought about it, and actually, I don't need any of that. You keep telling me I need to, and I, I really don't. I don't need them. Why do I need to?"
And if I was religious, what would I say? "Oh yes, you have to. You know what happens to people who sin." Oh, so now I'm booing him. Now I'm trying to scare him into behaving. This is not Judaism. That's religion. Religion says, "You are obligated. You must. You have to. What's going to be with you? Get your act together. Be a mensch." It used to work. It's not working.
Not only religion, society. Every child is told, "Got to go to school. You have to go to school. You have to get good grades. You have to get a job. You have to get a house." And then you'll have to pay the mortgage, and the taxes, and the insurance. And you know what people are saying today? Took a long time, but they finally came up with it. Now there's this guy who was suing his parents for giving birth to him without his consent. I think he's got a good case. You didn't ask me. You went ahead and gave birth to me, and now I have to pay the mortgage. How did that happen? You gave birth to me, you paid a mortgage. You know, that kind of makes sense. As scary as it sounds, it really makes sense. I didn't ask for this. You made me, so you pay for me. Then that makes sense.
Anyway, the, the case was thrown out. Not this real. Both his parents are lawyers. He didn't have a chance. But, but they threw it out of court because the parents said, "We were trying to consult with you. We couldn't find you." But now you're here. And get even from young children, 10-year-olds, 11-year-olds. You tell them to put a book away or to put their shoes away, and their answer is, "I didn't ask to be born." Of course, parents panic, run, rush the kid off to therapy, and put them on medication for anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts.
If your child or grandchild ever says to you, "I didn't ask to be born," don't give a medicine. Tell him, "Never that." Because it's true. You didn't ask to be born. And you know why you didn't ask to be born? Because you don't need to be. If you need it, you would have asked. You don't need to be. You're not a shocking thought. Then the sound a little suicidal. You don't need to be here. You don't need to be born. You didn't ask to be born. If you were asked, you would have said, "No thanks, I need this like a hole in the head."
So look at what's going on. Your parents tell you, "You have to do. You have to." "What's going to be with you? Get your act together. Get a life. Get a job. Grow up. You have to." Then you listen to the commercials. Things you never heard of. "You have to have. You have to." "You don't have one of those medications, do you?" "Sometimes feel a little something in the back of your throat? Well, you need this medicine. Order now. It might kill you, but it'll take away that." Really? They go through five minutes of warnings. "This may make you blind. It may make you dizzy. It may make you may give you a stroke." And after five minutes of that, they say, "So what are you waiting for? Order now. Order now. We'll send you a month's worth for free." Because my, my reaction is, if a month's worth is not enough, this is not a good medicine.
At any rate, the commercials all tell you what you need. You need. So you figure, "Okay, I'll go for therapy." You know what happens when you go for therapy? You come in and you say, "I need help with my anxiety. Can you help me with my anxiety?" And the therapist says, "You think you're suffering from anxiety? Your mother never wanted you. You hate your brother. It's eating you up. So you need much more than you think you need." Oh God, can I get away from this? You say, "Alright, that's it. I'm going into religion."
Right, religion brings you peace of mind, comfort. No, it doesn't. You're coming. You say, "I've got so much anxiety. I got so many worries. I have so many burdens. I'm looking for an answer." And what do they tell you? "You think you have problems in this life? Wait till you get that." Oh, is it? You need to be saved from what happens up there. You need to do this, and you need, and it just piles on more needs.
What do you do? Where do you go? That's what Judaism is. You know what Judaism actually says? "In the beginning, God created heaven and earth." Gehenna. Did you hear that? What a relief. I thought I had from all these rules and regulations. "You must. You have to." It felt like I had created the world, and it was all my fault. It's not. "In the beginning, God created heaven and earth." Relax. But your problem, he's got problems. He created a world, and it just doesn't cooperate.
"In the beginning" means before you had any needs, before there was you, and before you had needs, he created the world. So who has needs? You. You didn't even ask to be born. So if your child says, "I didn't ask to be born," this is a wise, mature insight into reality. Don't get nervous about it. Agree with him. We don't ask to be born. And if we don't ask to be born, how is it that it's my responsibility? I have to. I must. No, the creator of the world has a need. We don't. In fact, all the needs we do have are not ours. I need to eat. I need to eat. I need to stop eating, and I can't. I don't know if you have this problem, but it's pretty common. I need to eat. It was not my idea. If I designed myself, I would have a more efficient, I would have a more efficient existence that doesn't need to eat. So why do I need to eat? I don't know. It's not my idea. God created me with a need to eat. So really, he needs me to eat. I don't. That's Judaism. This is not religion. This is simply a realization of where we fit in. We didn't create the world, and therefore we don't have needs. The Creator created the world, and he has a valid need. And amazingly, the fulfillment of his need depends on us. That's, that's amazing.
So what is a mitzvah? A mitzvah means God depends on you to do what he needs done. So on the one hand, it's such a relief. It's so liberating. My problem? I don't have any problems. My needs? They're not mine. Makes our burdens so much lighter. And on the other hand, I can do for him. Every minute of the day, there is something I can do for him. And once I get to heaven, I won't be able to do that. Well, then I'm staying here. Leave me here so that I can do for you. So the compliment, the significance that that gives us. You can fulfill his need. And on the other hand, they're not your needs. Isn't that amazing? That's Judaism.
The problem with religion, besides starting wars, it burdens you and it puts you at the center of the universe. You have needs. God is only here to help you with your needs. He's your valet. He's your butler, or your savior, or your healer, or your lover, or your protector. But he's busy full-time taking care of you. You are the center of the world. This is not Judaism, and it's not healthy. Serve God with joy. Does that make sense? Now, if you're trying to be religious, there will be no joy. You get the impression that a person who's religious doesn't know how to smile. Aside from Habad. How bad doesn't fit any of the images. But as, as a, as a default position, if you're really religious, you're very serious, borderline depressed. Doesn't it, doesn't it seem that way? How can you be religious and happy at the same time? Something's wrong. You see somebody happy, you know they sinned. Because if you don't sin, what are you happy about? That's religious.
We are not religious. We're not good at it. We never agreed to be religious. We agreed to serve Him. Serve Him means do what he needs. That's a pleasure. That's inspiring. That's uplifting. I can do for you. That is much better than doing for myself.
I had this couple, marriage counseling. They were brilliant in their evil. I mean, I've heard people cut each other down. Most couples who are having trouble become brilliant. But this couple, wow. They were so good at it. They would walk in. Before they even sat down, "Didn't you tell her last week that she shouldn't?" "Well, she did it again." "No, I didn't. Used to." It was just week after week. It was hard to listen to. So I thought, "What a brilliant idea." I said, "Next week, let's get together at the kosher deli in public." I figured they'll tone it down. We get together at the deli. There are about 20 customers sitting at their data tables. It made absolutely no difference. They launched into their attacks and counter-attacks. It was as if nobody was in the room. Finally, they're exhausted, and the husband says, "I think we have a serious problem here." I said, "Actually, it's not that serious. This is really." I said, "Look how serious can it be? 20 people here heard all about it. They don't care. Not important to them. I've listened to this for months. I don't care. And you told me your mother doesn't want to hear about it anymore. Your own mother doesn't care. How important can this be?" They were quiet for a moment, and then, for the first time in months, the wife said, "So, so how are you?" You see what just happened here? They never asked me how I was because they had a serious problem. They had big needs. What I suggested that maybe it's not so serious, and it's not such a, like, "Oh, so what else is there to talk about?" "Oh yeah, how are you?" All of a sudden, I existed.
Do you see what happens when we relieve ourselves of all these burdens of all these needs? "I must. I have to. I got to." I stop it. You don't. You're not the creator. But you can do amazing things for the Creator. So lighten up and serve God and be Jewish, not religious. We have to spread this message because God has gotten lost in the shuffle. At best, God is there to serve you. And that can't be. That puts too much burden on me. And I didn't even ask to be born. Right?
So here's your choice in life, according to Judaism. It's very simple. Do you prefer to be needy, or would you rather be needed? No-brainer. We are needed. Our needs. Didn't even ask to be born. So if I don't ask to be born, because I don't need to be born, and yet I am born, the natural question is, "If I don't need this, who does?" You've answered all of life's questions. I don't need this. So who does? I don't need somebody needs me. That is so much better. So don't get religious. Get godly. Partner with Rabbi Friedman. Visit it's good to know dot org forward slash support.
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