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[music] Tonight is game three, BABY. NEW YORK KNICKS. [cheering] Go New York. Go.
The excitement in New York is palpable. >> The New York Knicks are now two wins away from doing something they have not done since Richard Nixon was in office. [laughter] >> WAS THAT NECESSARY? THE NIXON REFERENCE. >> OH, the last time the Knicks won, the flu was treated with leeches. No. I know it's been a long time. Look at me. But we're all excited here. Everyone in New York is rooting for the Knicks. Well, >> [clears throat] >> uh, almost everyone.
>> Abuse that's piling up online for Elmo. After he tried to be neutral about the NBA finals, a Sesame Street star posted, "Elmo hopes both teams have fun." [laughter] You kidding me, Elmo? Today's Sesame Street is brought to you by the letter B for you're a [ __ ] Surely Elmo's fellow New Yorkers responded to his uh wavering with a our trademark grace and understanding. >> New Yorkers didn't like that. They unleashed some fury on him, blasting Elmo as a traitor, telling him to pick a side. The city's transportation department even threatened, "Don't make us take this down, bro. >> [laughter] >> HAPPY ELMO. YOU'RE GOING TO make the New York Department of Transportation leap into ACTION AND TAKE THAT SIGN DOWN 10 TO 12 YEARS FROM NOW.
But seriously, [cheering] because [applause] Elmo's not going to beat the game, but it is a hot ticket. So much so, even the president of the United States has Nick's fever. He's dyed his face Nick's orange and and the back of his hands Nick's let's say purple. The president's going to be attending the game this evening and New Yorkers couldn't be happier. >> I swear to God this New York they everybody but for Trump I'm not going to Trump. >> I'm going to boot the out of you bro. [screaming] You know, in New York, no matter what your race, color, or creed, well, we all sound just a little Italian. Still, as a New Yorker and a Knicks fan, like the rest of us, he's probably been in a great mood this weekend because of the series, and he's looking forward to the game.
>> Meet the press is crooked, and so is ABC and CBS and CNN. Mr. President, your one-sided crooked network. All right, let's call it quits because I've had enough. Thank you, darling. Have a good time, Mr. President. Holy leash. Storming out because you didn't like the question. Now, you could view this as the hissyfitit of an incredibly fragile man baby whose paper thin skin can't handle venturing out of the sickopantic embrace of his tongue bathing acolytes. Or uh actually, I don't know how else you could deal. It really is JUST THAT. IT'S SAD. IT'S VERY SAD.
It's [applause] it's sad because the interview with Kristen Welker of Meet the Press began as more of a romcom meet cute. >> As we're having this conversation, we can hear a little bit of rain. >> No, a lot of rain. >> A lot of rain. >> Is that wind or what? >> Nice rain. [laughter] If you like peanut colada getting caught, >> the rain is sweet. As long as it's not accompanied by scary sky booms. >> Hear that sound of thunder, lightning, people will understand. We're in a farm. [laughter] >> Sure. your city slickers with your lack of rain and trans weather or whatever you have up there. And by the way, when did Trump go to his stylist and go, "Hey, give me the Hugh Grant Oompa Loompa." But Trump was having a lovely time. So, how did it go from look at us having a wonderful conversation in the rain to you and the network you wrote in on? Because the interview began like so many other ones for Trump. Reasonable question, ridiculous answer. Okay, fine.
>> Is this a war as long as there's a naval blockade in place? >> Well, we have a blockade. It's been extremely effective and you'll see things like you've never seen. The oil will go down. The stock market already, as you know, it's at an all-time high. Um, I don't consider that a war, but if you want to define it as such, I guess you can. >> Well, how do you define it? >> I don't define it at all. I don't think about it. I just do what I have to do. Sure, why not? I believe it was William Tecumpsa Sherman who said, "More as hell, I guess. I don't really think about it."
But then we get to a moment when the Heartland rain swept romcom becomes a man trapped in a barn with his worst nightmare, a woman who won't stop asking pertinent questions. >> Mr. President, one of your consistent campaign promises was no new wars. What changed? Because you insisted no new wars. First of all, I didn't guarantee no war. >> [ __ ] Listen, all of us who live through his campaign know that he made that kind of a centerpiece. HE SAID THIS, "Under Trump, we will have no more wars." And he also said this. >> I'm not going to start a war. I'm going to stop wars. >> Of course, he also said this. >> I'll keep you out of wars. >> So, no wars again. >> We won't have wars again. >> See what I mean? >> But this reporter on this day had the tmerity to mention to Donald Trump that well actually he did say that all the time. But you said it over and over again. >> Oh [ __ ] [laughter] >> She just lit the fuse on the [ __ ] BOMB >> in the midst of the greatest stock market in history. In the midst of the most successful country. >> 10 9 8 couple of years ago we were a dead country. Now we have the hottest country anywhere IN THE WORLD. SEVEN, [screaming] SIX, FIVE. >> YOU KNOW, I GAVE farmers last term $28 billion because China took advantage and other people. And you know who paid FOR IT? CHINA. >> FOUR. THREE. [screaming] TWO. I built a,000 miles of wall on our southern border. >> What? >> The election was rigged. It was a dirty election. BOOM. IT WAS A DIRTY RIGGED ELECTION. [cheering] HE WENT TO IT, FOLKS. HE WENT TO IT. The fail safe. In case of journalism, break glass. The epipen in case you've been stung by reality.
But finally, in this instance, when he went to the rigged election, oh sweet Jesus, finally his universal get out of interview card didn't work. >> Presented evidence. happening right now in California right now. It's look at look at what's happening in California. >> Where's the evidence? >> Trump's fail safe failed too safe.
And now he's left with but two options. One, to reckon with the fact that his claims of a 2020 stolen election have never survived even the slightest of legal scrutiny and that despite having six years and his own justice department at his beck and call, he has never presented a shred of credible evidence or even a theory of a credible case as to how this 2020 election was rigged. Or he could do his second option, smoke bomb. >> Let's call it quits because I've had enough. Thank you, darling. Have a good time. Why?
Now, we all know Trump's not actually going to leave the building because it's raining out. And as and as you know, [applause] moisture is the natural enemy of the North American comover. But this is where Kristen Welker nearly undoes all of the good work she did with one of the worst pleas. >> Mr. President, let's please. I traveled all the way to Wisconsin. >> You can't leave, sir. I was in business class. Business. Mr. President, please. Wisconsin. Wheel of Fortune is on an hour earlier here. These people are savages. Their Chinese restaurants only serve seawan. No Cantonese to be found. We'll all die of consumption. [laughter]
But you know what? Maybe finally this moment will give journalists permission to not back down, to not just leave it there and move on and to finally be honest about Trump's inability to be challenged in the moment. >> I spoke with President Trump on Saturday and we both acknowledged the complications during the interview posed by the rain. >> WHAT? YOU WERE INSIDE. YOU WERE THERE WAS NO CHALLENGE IN THE RAIN. THAT NO, DONALD TRUMP WAS NOT THROWN OFF BY THE AMBIENT NOISE DURING THE INTERVIEW. In fact, ambient farm rain is the least disruptive noise environment. HE CONDUCTS INTERVIEWS IN THESE ARE REAL CLIPS OF HIS INTERVIEWS THAT WE HAVE NOT edited the audio on at all. >> Mr. President, what are you doing out there? [music] Have a big day. 60 minutes. Almost 19 years. >> All right, we made UP THE LAST ONE, BUT STILL THE OTHER ONES ARE REAL. [applause] THE POINT IS, HE WASN'T AGGRAVATED BY THE RAIN. DONALD TRUMP DIDN'T STORM OUT BECAUSE OF THE RAIN. HE STORMED OUT BECAUSE HE WAS CHALLENGED, NOT BECAUSE HE was distracted. So maybe it's time we stop making excuses for that man in order to preserve access to his constant [ __ ] >> He agreed to sit down with me for another Meet the Press interview. >> Thank you. [laughter]
Last night was game three of the NBA finals. And I know, I know the Knicks loss was hard on New Yorkers. But let's take the high road, okay? And acknowledge the MVP who won it for the Spurs. Game three referee Mark Davis. DUDE, WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT? I mean, don't get me wrong, I think it's great that the NBA let someone watch their first game ever right from the court, but you do realize the B and Ball doesn't stand for a blind bald [ __ ] RIGHT? [applause] NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. We're going to be nice, okay? In fact, we all chipped in together to get you a gift card to Lens Crafters, you blind bald [ __ ] Still, this was the first finals game in New York in 27 years. [cheering] [applause] So, all the celebrities came out. You had Timothy Shalamé, Derek Jeter, DJ Khaled looking at HIS PHONE. BEN STILLER, Spike Lee, DJ KHALED STILL LOOKING AT HIS PHONE. JAY-Z, LARRY DAVID, AND DJ KHALED SHOWING FAT JOE SOMETHING ON HIS PHONE. WHAT ARE YOU DOING, MAN? You're you're courtside at the finals. Unless you were googling how to go down on your wife, pay attention. [cheering] >> [applause] >> Also in attendance last night was the only New Yorker who spends more time in court than the Knicks. President Donald jumpshot Trump. [cheering] Oh, you you were there too. Okay. The city gave him a very New York welcome. >> [screaming] >> Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Have some respect for the commanderin-chief. That's president [ __ ] to you. Do you know what it means to have every single person in New York booing you? Even a guy taking a [ __ ] on the subway will have one New Yorker cheering him on. What can I say? I'd love to see a man comfortable in his own skin. 10 years later, we're still married. Thank you. [applause] >> But yeah, all that incessant booing, he must have been devastated. >> It was certainly amazing. It was It was I think mostly tears. MOSTLY CHEERS. I guess the DOJ redacted all the booze before they hit his ears.
But whether you like that Trump was there or not, he is a lifelong Knicks fan, so he wasn't going to let some haters stop him from enjoying every second of the game. >> During the game, President Trump appeared to fall asleep. You can't sleep through the game. You're the president, not game three referee Mark Davis. Mark, I hate you so much. I HOPE EVERY time you microwave something, IT'S JUST A little bit cold in the middle.
But let's move on from New York to the only other city in the world, Los Angeles. because Trump was also having a bad night there. >> A major shakeup in the race to be mayor of Los Angeles. Reality TV star Spencer Pratt, the Republican who was endorsed by President Trump, was running second for a very long time, but he fell to third place as the rest of the primary votes started coming in. >> President Trump now raising unsubstantiated claims of voter fraud, posting on True Social. Not possible for Spencer Pratt to have lost the LA runoffs after the big lead he had. Rigged elections. >> You're cheating on the election. There's what? Do you have evidence to support? >> All I have to do is look. All I have to do is look. >> All you have to do is look, people. It's right there in front of you. I know it sounds easy, but for Donald Trump, it's getting harder and harder these days. [laughter] [cheering] [applause]
Now, just out of idle curiosity, do Republicans have any actual evidence for this rigging? >> What evidence is there to prove that there was a ring? I don't. Some of these efforts are so diabolical and so far upstream it is impossible to prove. >> Oh, diabolical. The fact that there is no evidence is the evidence. See, see, voter fraud isn't about what you can prove up here. It's about what you feel in here and what you can pull OUT OF HERE. >> [applause] >> LOOK, IT IT MAY have taken some time to get where they are, but that doesn't mean it's rigged. Also, I'm sure they're going to finish the vote counting any minute now. >> California has a lot of rules that make this very, very slow. Well, they have a complicated system where if somebody does a mail-in vote that is mailed before actual election day, it can be counted over the next 7 days. >> Nearly a week after election day, the state's most populated county says it still has about 355,000 mailin ballots to process. >> Holy [ __ ] You have that many ballots left to count? Why is it taking so long? California, are you counting the ballots? Are you having tantric sex with them? Look, California, I know you want to make sure everyone gets a chance to vote, but the longer you take with the ballots, the more you open up the door to mistrust in the process. That being said, Republicans, you guys can't just go around screaming something is rigged every time you lose. It's embarrassing. Take the L with dignity and pride and honor, which is something that game three referee MARK DAVIS KNOWS [cheering] NOTHING ABOUT. WE KNOW YOU RIGGED THAT [ __ ] DIABOLICAL. [cheering] DIABOLICAL.
LET'S START WITH Melania Trump, first lady and woman who just slipped poison into James Bond's martini. Yesterday at the White House, Melania hosted an AI event, continuing the long tradition of first ladies in tech. From when Eleanor Roosevelt set the high score at Guitar Hero 5 to when Nancy Reagan debuted the first dick sucking machine. True pioneer. And Melania was so excited about AI she even did an impression of it. Today is about opening doors. [laughter] When the doors open, passions flow, courage blossoms, and dreams are realized. AI inspires. Use this chapter of your life to sail away with your dreams. Yes. Sail away to the chapter of your life on the rocket ship of your courage as you blossom into the stars. What? What was the prompt to write that speech? Chat GPT. Give me metaphor. No, give me all metaphor.
Although, to be fair, this isn't just some one-off thing Melania is doing. She's been into dystopian technology for a while now. AI is extending the conceptual in ways never dreamed of before. AI will serve as the underpinning of every business sector in our nation. Robots hold steady hands in the operating room. Movie characters, scripts, fashion, music, art, the entire ecosystem, all with AI. The shift from soldiers to machines is already underway. Autonomous helicopters, swarming drones, fighterless jets, and autonomous bombers are on the way. The robots are here. The robots are here asking you to join us. I mean them. Them. Delete previous sentence.
Let's move on from the terrifying wars of the future to the terrifying war of the present where the ceasefire in Iran is starting to get a little less cease and a little more fire. >> Tron and the US trading blows now. Iran's downing of an American helicopter prompting a fiery US response. >> We're trading blows again. This is not good. By the way, fun fact, trading blows was a setting on Nancy Reagan's dick sucking machine. And it was a good one. So, what happened exactly? Officials say an Iranian drone brought down a US Apache helicopter patrolling the street. The pilots rescued in a firstofits-kind operation by an unmanned surface vessel, a drone boat. >> Sorry. Wait a minute. The pilots were hit by a drone and then rescued by another drone. Am I crazy or were we warned about this? >> The robots are here. >> [applause] >> Oh my, [applause] you beautiful mystery. You were right. I am sorry I ever doubted you. Delete previous insults.
It's crazy that this war is not wrapped up already. What is the president doing that's more important than ending this conflict? >> The Trump family is promoting this week's UFC fight at the White House by selling gold commemorative coins. The Freedom 250 silver and gold medallions feature Trump's face and are being marketed as a collaboration between the UFC and the Trump Organization. >> Oh. Oh, okay. Ending the war is important, but a collab with UFC, I mean, that doesn't come along every day. Although, I'm not really sure that a coin is the right way to commemorate a UFC fight. Seems like the kind of thing you commemorate with a [ __ ] stamp. I always love when I can use a photo of myself on the show. worked out. But a coin seems a little weird, like a weird fit for UFC Bros, doesn't it? The only thing I love more than fighting is cherishing sweet memories with decorative coinage. But fine. Okay. If I was a blood sportloving coin collector, I'd be willing to pay what, 10, maybe $15 for this thing. Let me just uh let me just take a sip of water while I hear how much it costs. The price for the coins ranges from 250 bucks to as high as $12,000. Oh my god. [applause] Is this tap water? You know I only drink Evian. Sorry, I wasn't paying attention. What was the price? >> $12,000. >> What? [laughter] >> [cheering] >> $12,000 for a coin? Does it come with a used Honda Civic? This is classic Donald Trump. No amount of money is too small for him to try to griff someone out of. The guy will skim off $2 billion with a global crypto scheme one week and the next will try to steal your uncle's beer money with a coin that's got his face on it. And by the way, why does a coin commemorating a UFC fight have to have Donald Trump's face on it? Who designed this thing? >> The site says they are all designed by President Trump himself. >> Donald Trump. Yeah. No, THAT MAKES SENSE.
HOW ABOUT THOSE madness at the Mecca? [cheering] This morning, the Knicks mounting the greatest comeback in NBA Finals history. >> Gets it, fires up a three. No, the two is gone. >> And watch parties around York breaking out into bed. >> Many fans erupting even in the skies. >> It was amazing. Although those passengers shouldn't celebrate too hard. WBY could swat you out of the sky. Oh my god. Winning in the final moments after being 29 points behind. Wasn't just a win for the Knicks. It was a win for all of us who like to put things off until the last minute. [cheering] I know it looks like I'm not going to do my taxes, but just wait until I'VE GOT TWO SECONDS LEFT ON THE CLOCK. IT ALL just goes to show you never ever give up on your dreams. Unless your dreams are to beat the Knicks in the finals, CUZ THAT [ __ ] AIN'T HAPPENING. [cheering] [applause]
And if the fans were that excited, the guy who actually won the game must have been losing his damn mind. >> You just hit the game-winning shot in an NBA Finals game in front of your home crowd. How does that feel? >> Uh, it feels cool. I mean, everyone's pretty excited. Um, I'm excited, too. I mean, I really wanted to be a dancer, BUT YOU KNOW, BASKETBALL'S COOL, TOO.
But let's move on to our top story because the good vibes just keep on rolling. Turns out the Iran war is almost over. Breaking news from the White House where President Trump has just called off his threat to bomb Iran. Tonight, he quote understands that the Supreme Leader of Iran has approved of a deal to end the war with Iran. The straight will officially open as soon as we sign, which could be soon, very soon. Maybe over the weekend in Europe. I won't be able to be there. [laughter] >> Huh? Why are you not going to the ceremony you just invented? What could you have going on that's more important than ending a war? >> Donald Trump will ring in his 80th birthday with a UFC cage match on the White House lawn. >> Well, yes. No, no, no, no. This it makes sense, okay? Cuz peace in the Middle East is one thing, but a UFC fight is obviously more important. You know, it's it's like how Franklin Roosevelt missed the end of World War II to be at Wrestlemania. [laughter]
But regardless of whether Donald Trump is there or not, the US and Iran have reached a deal. >> Iran says they have not reached any sort of deal. Okay, maybe the war will keep going on for a while. But listen, don't worry. Trump is going to win this war. It's guaranteed. He's up like 29 points.
And if you're worried in the meantime about gas prices, relax because Trump announced an amazing surprise. >> Under pressure from rising gas prices, the president also touted what he said was a secret US effort to guide oil through the Straight of Hormuz. We've been taking out millions of barrels of oil. Nobody knows it. You know who doesn't know about it? Iran until right now. >> OH, DAMN. How do you like them apples, Iran? Trump has been sneaking out millions of barrels of oil from the straight and you never knew about it because it was never reported. >> The effort has been previously reported about. >> Okay. Well, the New York Times reported it, but Iran doesn't read the Times. They just subscribed to Play Connections. Okay, maybe Iran knows, but Trump says we took out a 100red million barrels last month. That's got to be what, like a year's worth of oil. >> The president this week said the military has helped move 100 million barrels of oil, which is about one day's worth of global oil consumption. >> One day? You're bragging about taking a month to steal one day of oil? It's like doing a full body shower for a date and then showing up and he's a drummer. [music]