Transcription
You've probably been taught to look for red flags in a woman. Is she toxic? Is she manipulative? Can I trust her? But almost nobody talks about the green flags. And out of all of the green flags that you should look for, there's one that matters far more than all of the rest combined. Today, we're going to talk about this one green flag and why you should never date a woman without this.
Hi, I'm Olivia. I'm a love and confidence coach and I work with men just like yourself to help them to gain true unshakable confidence, communication skills, relational skills, and dating skills so that you can step into being the high-value man that you were born to be. The kind of man who doesn't abandon himself in order to maintain connection, the kind of man that surrounds himself with people and a life that truly aligns with his authenticity, and attracts the girl of his dreams. If that sounds like the path that you're on, then I recommend that you hit subscribe and join this thriving community of men just like yourself.
This is not another channel for cheap tactics, pickup art, or manipulation to get a woman to like you. I want to help you truly build unshakable confidence and authenticity from the inside out. The kind that attracts real connection that doesn't require you to step over yourself or perform in order to keep it.
And if you're needing help to identify your unique, specific relationship patterns and the blocks that are holding you back from stepping into that high-value version of yourself, then I'm currently offering a free one-on-one roadmap call with me where we'll sit down together for an hour and talk through all of the things that are blocking you right now, get clear on your goals, and identify a step-by-step plan that will help you get that. If you're feeling curious to check that out, then go ahead and click the link in the description below and apply for your spot today.
Anyway, let's get into it. Yes, green flags matter. As important as it is to avoid red flags and have standards that filter the wrong people out of your life, it's important to also have a set of green flags that you're actually looking for. Here are some examples of external green flags that are worth paying attention to. Does she communicate openly? Does she take accountability? Does she show kindness and interest consistently? Is she able to regulate and communicate her emotions effectively? Does she respect your boundaries, reciprocate your efforts, support your goals? Does she have healthy friendships and relationships of her own? Does she make you feel valued and appreciated?
It's worth pointing these things out at the start of this video because I want to make sure that you're very clear. A healthy relationship cannot exist without mutual respect, emotional maturity, and reciprocity. And if you're really honest with yourself, I'm sure you probably have, at some point, ignored obvious incompatibilities because you were blinded by physical attraction. That's okay, you're only human, and it will happen and has happened to most of us at some point.
But even beyond these external green flags, there's an even deeper question that you need to ask yourself. Who do you become around her? The answer to this question is the real test, and that's because some relationships will bring out your authenticity. You'll feel safe to express yourself and to feel grounded in who you are, accepted in who you are, in fact. And some relationships will slowly cause you to disconnect and abandon your relationship with yourself or your values.
So, on that note, I want you to really hear this. A healthy relationship or romantic connection that you might be exploring should not make you feel constantly emotionally unsafe, hyper-vigilant, anxious, drained, insecure, or afraid to be yourself. Now, it's normal that relationships will trigger you sometimes. That's a part of connecting on a deep intimate level, but there's a difference between healthy growth and challenges that force you to see yourself more clearly and move past your own internal blocks together versus constantly feeling like your nervous system is activated and in survival, fight, or flight mode.
In my years of working closely with men as a coach and having a lot of male friends who have confided in me, I've noticed how many men will stay in a relationship despite deep down already knowing that they are slowly abandoning and losing themselves. Which brings me on to the biggest and most important green flag that you should look for in any woman that you are seeking a relationship with or that you're exploring a connection with.
The biggest green flag is that you don't lose yourself when you are around her. You feel like you're more yourself, not less. This means that you don't feel like you have to constantly perform or earn her love or play games to keep her interested. It means that you don't have to walk on eggshells or become a completely different person in order to maintain the connection. You know this green flag is present because you feel safe to express your personality. You feel relaxed enough to speak honestly about your truth, your thoughts, your needs. It's a space that allows you both to be playful and vulnerable and to have meaningful conversations and still feel respected.
And the reason this is the number one biggest green flag that you should look for is because the right relationship for you doesn't just look good externally. It feels good internally. If this is landing for you so far, then go ahead and drop a comment below and let me know. Have you ever found yourself losing yourself in a relationship? Have you ever connected with someone where you feel like they just get you and you can really be your full self unapologetically with them?
Before we move on, I do also want to caveat that this very much applies the other way around as well. I also think this is the biggest flag that a woman should look for in a man as well. So, let's talk about what this actually looks like in a woman. Cuz this green flag will be communicated in the way that she shows up in the connection and it's something you should pay attention to when you're making your decision about whether or not you want to invest your time, your heart and your energy into her.
A woman who has this green flag will usually communicate clearly instead of playing games. She will create space for emotional consistency, for honesty on both sides. She will respect your individuality and she will come to conflict with an energy that feels like it's repairable instead of this terrifying feeling that you're going to be abandoned or she's going to run away because the conflict has happened. And usually when you're in the presence of a woman who has this green flag and carries herself in this way, your body will relax. It means that you likely won't be obsessing over every text. You won't be sat there wondering where you stand with her. And you certainly won't feel the pressure or need to keep shapeshifting to keep her interested. And ironically when a woman shows up in this way and therefore invites you to feel relaxed within yourself and the connection, that's usually when you feel comfortable to show your most confident, authentic, and attractive self. Because deep safety within a connection creates space for your authenticity to shine.
Okay, now this has to be said because it's very important. Perhaps you've had experiences in your life with love where you might mistake emotional intensity and emotional chaos for love itself. Sometimes when we're used to chasing after connections and relationship dynamics that don't really feel safe us internally, we can feel drawn to people who bring out that feeling within us. And sometimes what feels like crazy chemistry is actually anxiety, inconsistency, emotional unpredictability, or unresolved attachment wounds being activated within us. And because it feels intense and there's this push-pull dynamic happening within you where you start to obsess about this person or feel very deeply attached very quickly, sometimes you can mistake that for real depth.
But healthy love often feels much more stable and calmer than you might expect. That doesn't mean that it's going to be boring or lacking in passion. It just feels safer emotionally, more stable, more open, and more grounded. And honestly, something that I find with a lot of my clients and myself when I went through my journey with learning to connect on this level is when you do find a secure connection that is very stable, it can feel very unfamiliar at first. If you're used to chasing after emotional chaos and trying to find your way through that storm, a secure relationship can feel like it's a bit too easy at times. And that's something that's worth sitting with rather than running away from.
If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got. And at some point we have to check in with ourselves about whether or not our patterns of attachment and the way that we chase after people who don't really give us that safe feeling inside is really serving us on a deeper level. Perhaps there's an opportunity to start building a healthier relationship with attachment itself.
And I want you to really hear me when I say that if you constantly feel like you have to prove yourself, overperform, chase validation, suppress your needs, over time it destroys your self-worth because you have to start compromising core parts of yourself that are important to be expressed, seen, and loved by your partner. The right woman will challenge you to grow, absolutely. And in a healthy relationship, I would hope that you'll both be growing together, that you'll both be stepping into deeper versions of yourself that feel more embodied, more expressed, and more accepting of yourself. But the right woman will not make you feel like her love needs to be constantly earned through performance and compromising yourself. There is a huge difference between those two things. And if throughout a connection you find yourself becoming further and further apart from what feels like your real aligned self and truth, that is a huge warning sign that the connection you're in might not be the best thing for you.
And as a woman, let me tell you this. One of the most attractive things about a man is when he feels relaxed to fully express himself and own who he is. It's so attractive to be in the presence of a man who's not performing or filtering himself or trying to impress. If you've been following this channel for a while, you'll have heard me say this before that the right woman who's really going to choose you fully, she wants to see the full side of you. She wants to see your weirdness, your humor, your interests, your opinions. She wants to see your imperfections and your very real humanity. Because real intimacy cannot exist if you're constantly hiding yourself.
I remember years back I watched this cheesy comedy movie and at some point one of the characters describes the word intimacy as into me I see. I do feel very deeply that real intimacy is about seeing into yourself and allowing your partner to see into you and vice versa. When we feel really seen by our partner, truly for who we are, there's a deep safety that comes from realizing that all of the parts of us that we may or may not like, the parts that maybe we even struggle to accept, are able to be loved and accepted anyway. There's something very healing about that and being in the presence of someone who makes you feel safe enough to show all of those different parts of yourself is a very powerful and special thing. If you find something like that, that's worth holding on to.
And if you notice that a relationship is slowly disconnecting you from who you are and there's a growing feeling of angst or frustration within you that happens with every week that passes, then that's something to pay attention to. If you start not recognizing yourself in a way that you don't really like, because often times your body knows before your mind does. And sometimes the mind can come in and tell us all of the external qualities that are really great about the relationship or the person and convince us to ignore the deep feeling we have in our gut that something isn't quite right.
You see, the real goal of a healthy relationship is not can I get her and win her. The goal is can we co-create a life together that aligns, it feels respectful, exciting, like we're able to grow together and both be the best that we can be as a team. A relationship that helps you to accentuate and deepen your authentic qualities rather than stifle them. Now that is a relationship that's worth building and that's the kind of woman that's worth holding out for.
Listen, there are a lot of green flags that you could look for in a woman, but never overlook this one. See to it that you pick someone that you do not lose yourself to be with. Where when you're around her, you feel calmer, more grounded, more authentic, and more connected to who you truly are and who you want to become. That's not weakness, it's not compromising, that's emotional safety and alignment. And a healthy love should bring you closer to who you are. Into me I see. It shouldn't push you further away.
If you want help understanding and unpacking your specific relationship and attachment dynamics and how you can attract, keep, and build a relationship without abandoning yourself, then I'd love to help. Book yourself onto a free one-on-one roadmap call with me. The link is in the description below. For those of you who are feeling ready, I'm excited to see you there. And if you want to continue this work, then go ahead and click on the video that's on screen now. I'll see you over there. Bye.