Worst of Woke Awards 2026

Heat. Heat. Good evening and welcome to the worst of book awards. Since time immemorial, this sacred ceremony has honored the vilest creations to emerge from the cultural wastelands of modern cinema and streaming. Tonight, we celebrate the men, women, non-binary individuals, and corporations who have combined the forces of darkness that reside within their hollow interior to produce a cannon of igniminy unrivaled in the history of peopleind.

2025 was a year of fatigue, failures, firsts, and a content trend that has quickly come to define our ignaminious era. Slop. Every superhero movie flopped. Every superhero series flopped. Every girl boss production flopped. Every all female feminist space launch flopped. Terminally online wankers tried to cancel Sydney Sweeney for being hot while white.

In the world of firsts, Katy Perry became the first female singledigit IQ individual to stir deadeyed into her phone while on a space flight controlled entirely by men operating the spacecraft remotely from Earth. Adria Arhana became the first woman to be sexually assaulted in a Star Wars production. Apparently, Leia being forced to wear a smoking hot bikini chained to a giant slug and fondled and licked against her will doesn't count. Mindy Kaling became the first South Asian woman. Kendall Swanson became the first woman to land a plane upside down. Scarlett Johansson became the 54 billionth woman to try and fail to sabotage younger women because they are now receiving the attention from men that she used to receive. And Zoe Salana became the first American.

>> I am the first American.

As the curtain draws to a close on the woke era, two final massive casualties of that file chapter in the annals of human crime fell upon the stage following arguably the worst rebrand in history. Jaguar's sales collapsed by 98%. Their CEO resigned in August. I am shocked. Shocked? Well, not that shocked. After over a decade of mismanagement, several failed attempts to rip off the MCU, and massive budget garbage that no one asked for, Warner Brothers finally collapsed and is likely to be bought by Netflix.

The same company that brought audiences the final seasons of Squid Game and Stranger Things. Both series had excellent first seasons. both stuck the landing about as well as the Delta Airlines female DEI pilot who in a truly remarkable achievement managed to land a plane upside down at Toronto Pearson International Airport without killing anyone in a development predicted only by the death spot and the entire internet.

Snow White and the seven CGI abominations bombed. Disney's 19th liveaction remake bombed so hard that the Hollywood Reporter singled the movie out as one of 2025's biggest losers. Every Marvel project in Cinema and streaming flopped. Captain America: Brave New Slop failed so completely that it saved lives. At a screening of the movie in Wanachi, Washington, the theater roof collapsed, crushing the first few rows of seats. Fortunately, the seats were empty as only two people were in the theater. Neither were harmed, and both made a full recovery from their partial viewing of Captain America: Brave New World.

2025 was an abysmal year for movies, particularly blockbusters, and easily the worst year for shows in living memory. The biggest disappointments were Stranger Things 5, Squid Game 3, and Daredevil: Born Again. All dreadful. Even the series everyone knew would be awful managed to be worse than expected. Iron Heart, The Last of Us season 2, Doctor Who, and The Wheel of Time. Alien Earth: Bombed on Arrival, Peacemaker was cancelled after either one or two seasons. I don't know because I didn't watch it, and neither did anyone else.

>> Oh, I apologize. I forgot you were there. You may go now.

>> The subscribers to this channel have cast almost 300,000 votes across 14 categories for this year's awards. We extend our deepest gratitude to everyone who voted and to you for joining us this evening. We hope you enjoy the show. Please welcome our co-host and recovering alcoholic Karen iPhone.

We begin the festivities by highlighting a bright spot in the sea of slime best cancellation. The nominees are Doctor Who.

>> Where are you going? Me? I want to save the world.

Tomb Raider, The Legend of Larara Croft.

>> These relics are of great educational import to our visitors >> and of great cultural import to the people they rightfully belong to.

>> The Wheel of Time.

>> I don't have to listen to your [ __ ] anymore.

>> The Lich Show with Steven Colbar. Ravalry just announced that they are banning support of Donald Trump and his administration. explained. That was bold. It was the right thing to do. But it was hard news for the white supremacist knitting collective neonitsis. Turns out

>> Colbert's show got so bad that he resorted to telling knitting jokes. Frankly, I'm not surprised his career came unraveled.

>> Doctor Who became a shamelessly loud and proud mouthpiece for woke propaganda. Astoundingly, the first episode of the previous season featured a straight white man asking an attractive woman to marry him. He even sets a few healthy boundaries.

>> And when we're married, I really don't think you should wear clothes that tight anymore. Plus, no more texting after 8:00 p.m. Okay.

>> The two marry and start a beautiful family. The message of the episode is that a happy, virtuous life lies in rejecting modernity and embracing tradition. Alan, sweetheart. No.

>> Sorry for a moment there. I forgot we were living in worst timeline. What actually happens is our boy gets rejected because feminism. Then he turns into an evil misogynist robot, conquers a planet, and sets up an evil incel empire.

>> Planet of the incel.

>> Say yes, Belinda.

>> Over the past two seasons, Doctor Who has also featured trans, proabortion, feminist, and ethnosis messaging, and gay. lots and lots and lots of gay. The shooty gatwa Doctor Who got the lowest ratings in the show's history with a consolidated average of 3.8 million. For comparison, the average for the Matt Smith era was 8 million. Doctor Who was finally [ __ ] canned after Disney dumped the show following atrocious Disney Plus numbers.

The opening two minutes of season two of The Legend of Lara Croft tells you everything you need to know about the series. Lara jumps into action, smashing her way through a group of evil white men and dodging bullets. She's briefly in danger, but is saved by the timely intervention of a butch blue herd lesbian with a side shave. Side shave takes Lara to a brilliant female science genius who explains that archaeology is evil. Actually,

>> all the new shiny PhDs have invented something totally novel. Ethical archaeology. Think of it as the opposite of what your father used to do. Not raiding artifacts, but returning them to where they belong.

>> Also, having an impact on your field of expertise is evil. Actually,

>> to be fair, it's not entirely his fault. Your father came from the old world view.

>> And what view is that? To be great, we must cast a shadow.

>> Lara then goes to an evil white colonizer and explains to him that the various treasures in the British Museum need to be returned to their rightful owners. Actually,

>> this mask doesn't belong to you.

>> Because there's no better custodian for a priceless 19th century wooden mask than whichever warlord regime is currently running Somalia. That mask definitely won't end up in the private collection of a Qatari oil billionaire 5 minutes after its arrival in Mogadishu. So instead of a tomb raider, Lara is a museum raider. Now she steals the mask and gives it to female science genius lady. But in a shocking twist, it's a trap.

>> Science genius lady uses the mask to become an evil super villain. But how could this have happened? Science genius lady assured Lara that the mask would be handed to some random guy in Africa. Because trust me, bro, if only Lara hadn't unquestioningly believed everything science genius lady said.

Episode 2 teaches us that Christianity is evil.

>> It is where they tied slaves for whipping.

>> St. Christopher was black.

>> That's St. Christopher.

>> And the sea is always right.

>> The sea will know. The sea always knows.

>> The sea is always right. Christianity might be evil, but voodoo is awesome. Actually,

>> voodoo isn't dangerous. It's a belief in spirits being connected. It says we all live in the great cosmic Africa as one. It's the opposite of evil and dangerous.

>> Also, courage is female now.

>> Nobody's got the ovaries to go after the treasure.

>> Also, Lara punches a shark underwater. Lara goes to a pub in Ireland to acquire the aid of a wise, powerful black female mage. Ireland is a mudfield with one pub and a farmstead.

>> Nice reflexes. English

>> Tomb Raider: The Legend of Larara Craft's legions of fans will forever be left with the mystery of why it was cancelled. According to superhero hype, the decision to end with season 2 was kept under wraps. Perhaps some future cultural scholar will uncover the mystery of why Tomb Raider: The Legend of Lararaoft was cut down in its prime.

Season 3, episode 1 of The Wheel of Time, opens in a DEI seminar. Karen wants to do a coup and take over the League of Diverse Women. So, she starts an energy tennis match with Mother Superior, which explodes into an all-out tournament. A few useless men try to break into the chamber to prevent the slaughter, but they can't get the doors open. So, some women show up to tell the useless men to get out of the way so girls can get it done.

>> Move.

>> Three members of the League of Diverse Women have gone to the basement to ensure that Karen doesn't get her hands on the mystical mcguffin. But ESG point betrays them.

>> I don't have to listen to your [ __ ] anymore.

>> This kind of anacronistic language is all over Wheel of Time. Bro, I can stay lowkey when [ __ ] gets heavy. But you, bro, you ghosted like my Tinder date. The acting in Wheel of Time is almost universally atrocious. Here's a typical example in which Brown Girl Boss puts Ginger Guy in his place.

>> You have no feeling for us. You are a wetlander through and through.

>> And the plot hopping. My god, the plot hopping. This has become a particularly rank trope in modern fantasy. An episode of fantasy TV today cannot allow a dramatic sequence to play out on its own without interruption. The show has to constantly hop from one plot to another to another. The showrunners think plot hopping emphasizes the epic scale of the story. In fact, plot hopping just makes the story far harder to understand and almost impossible to emotionally invest in. Here's a typical example of the Wheel of Times plot hopping. Indian Girl insists on going through the Arches, an entrance exam that if passed will grant her promotion to the highest echelons of the League of Diverse Women. When Indian Girl approached the Arches, this was the only time I was invested. I'm actually with the show here. I want to see what's behind the veil. What trials will Indian girl face on her entrance exam? And what does the show do? It plot hops. It cuts away first to January seals samurai having a chat with brown plank of wood, then to brown girl boss and hot ginger girl having a flirtatious exchange, then to brown hagrid and ginger guy having a chat, then hot girl and ginger guy having a chat. And only after these filler scenes of pointless yapping does the show return to the entrance exam, which lasts 1 minute, and then Indian girl emerges from the arches.

A couple of girl bosses walk in on a normal man enjoying a drink. Normal man attempts a mild flirtation, so they put him in his place, taking command physically, psychologically, and sexually. When a heterosexual kiss occurs in the Wheel of Time, it is divested of all romance, and this man is placed in a position of subservience where he belongs. Let's see how the Wheel of Time handles a lesbian kiss, which occurs in the next scene.

>> Finally,

>> romantic, passionate, and heartfelt. There's another attempt at a straight kiss in the following scene, but Bro gets rejected and has to apologize.

>> I'm sorry.

Fans of the Wheel of Time book series by Robert Jordan absolutely despised the Amazon adaptation. The show is widely regarded as one of the worst fantasy adaptations in history, rivaled only by The Witcher and Rings of Power.

I couldn't be bothered watching any of Colar's clips in order to write a summary of his last season. So, I just had chat GPT radical bar segment based on his output over the past decade. Trump picture of Trump. Yesterday, Trump was in Detroit. Trump the president of the United States Trump skin the President Donald Trump President Donald Trump Trump sat down Donald Trump Donald Trump Trump wants Trump the president the president the Donald J Trump also Donald Trump and Trump the President Donald Trump Trump's

>> a lesson Hollywood won't learn from these cancellations is that viewers don't actually want everything to be gay Doctor Who prancing around in every scene like a theater kid on a sugar rush, stopping only to cry, Lara Croft cozying up to a French lesbian with a side shave, colar segments titled, "How do our kids not know we're gay?" and top baby names for gay parents to be. With such white hot segments, one wonders how Colar's ratings collapsed. The only truly hot girl in the Wheel of Time jumping on brown girl boss and sucking her face. The Wheel of Times wiki fan page lists nine LGBT plus characters and the episodes their identity was confirmed in. Note that three of these relationships are listed as polyamorous. Just now I was looking up the names of the Wheel of Time characters and wondering why I couldn't find this Whiteard chick who mouth dives into a brown female thief in episode 1 of the most recent season. Then I realized the reason I couldn't find her in the Wheel of Time cast is because she's from The Witcher. Every modern fantasy show looks exactly the same. They're all set in the kingdom of downtown LA. An absurd number of the characters are gay, and every single group of people looks like a Harvard brochure, except this group of 11 rapists who attempt to rape a farm maiden in season 4 of The Witcher. They're all white men.

In keeping with tradition, the first winner will be announced by Karen iPhone.

>> The winner of best cancellation is Doctor Who.

>> Congratulations Doctor Who showrunner Russell T. Davies on your first worst of woke award. Doctor Who was snubbed at last year's awards. So seeing this dreadful propagandistic filth finally getting the recognition it deserves is a catharsis that the fans needed.

>> Thank you. Thank you very much. That's amazing. Shooting new all the time. Um, thank you very much. This means a lot.

>> A recent episode of Doctor Who featured a gay couple helping the gay doctor rescue the Eurovvision crowd from the evil clutches of the only straight white couple featured in the entire season. In the final episode, the doctor rescues his comrades from a matrix-like coma. The episode features two girl bosses in rocket powered wheelchairs, a transvestite who lectured the doctor about pronouns in a previous episode. One woman awakens from the matrix, bursts into the office, and in a horrified voice announces,

>> "I have been a housewife."

>> Good reance modern Doctor Who. The show will be missed by the modern audience it was created for, but will not be missed by anyone who actually possesses corporeal form.

Our next category is most deserved flop. The nominees are Snow White and the Seven CGI Abominations. The King and Queen taught Snow White that the bounty of the land belonged to all who tended it.

>> Captain America: Brave New World. Karen iPhone the meme.

>> Hulk fights then. You don't deserve this power. Now watch your death.

>> Hulk fights now.

>> Now I might be crazy, but I think you're trying to change the Last of Us.

>> I don't need your [ __ ] help.

>> The Witcher. Instead of a clip from the show, we elected to demonstrate how atrocious The Witcher is with a single image. Here it is. These flops can best be summed up in two words. Yesterday's garbage.

Audiences were sick of hearing about Snow White and the Seven CGI abominations before the movie's release. SW7CA was made in the style of Awoke 2010's remake, updated for the modern audience. The result was a thoroughly dated, smoldering pile of unwatchable trash that was universally despised.

Captain America: Brave New Slop was a massive budget superhero movie made at a time when audiences are largely done with capeshit. The original cut of the movie was also something straight out of 2019, a hammy screed filled with anti-American political messaging. Disney reshot Captain Capeshit at least twice and the end result was an incomprehensible ruin.

The Last of Us season 2 was the second iteration of a story that had already been rejected by the fan base. And this wasn't just another battle in the eternal struggle between based gamers and Redditor Soennials. The Last of Us 2 video game was objectively terrible storytelling that suffered horribly from atrocious dramatic structure, awful characterization, and Abby. Widely regarded as the most despised character in video game history. Surely Neil Duckman could never make a character more unlikable than Abby, right?

>> Then I was supposed to die. That was my purpose. this my life would have [ __ ] mattered, but you took that from me.

>> Neil Duckman kept all the worst aspects of the game in the TV adaptation, but in an astounding feat of creative depravity, he managed to make it even worse this time round. Ellie is no longer played by a competent actress. She's played by Bella Ramsey.

>> I made her talk.

>> I made her talk. Any conflict between Ellie and Dena has been removed, making for utterly tedious exchanges in which the two joke around and agree on everything. The infected are barely an afterthought. The world building is absolutely pathetic with no fleshing out of the scars whatsoever and many other problems which we will touch on later in the show. By the way, I called [ __ ] on The Last of Us after season 1. Here is a clip from my scum video released May 2024. And you know what? [ __ ] this, man. I'm coming out and saying it. The Last of Us [ __ ] sucked.

Netflix's The Witcher shout out a fourth season of a series The Game and book fans had long since stopped caring about and stopped paying attention to. The show failed to reach the number one spot on Netflix and received a 19% audience score on Rotten Tomatoes. I watched the first three episodes of season 4 and I had absolutely no idea what was going on due to the show's constant plot hopping between regions that all look like medieval downtown LA. This region jumping and plot hopping was the showrunner's failed attempt to imitate the epic scale of early Game of Thrones. The only emotion the show elicited from me was a desire to see the rats executed. The rats are a diverse gang of thieves who stalk the land looking for stuff to steal. Siri joins the rats and quickly enters a lesbian relationship with one of them. To give an indication of how universally despised these vermin were, if you type what episode of The Witcher into Google, the top autocomplete result is Do the Rats Die? The righteous slaughter of the rats is the only part of the show viewers want to watch. It's episode 8, the finale. A hero bounty hunter named Leo Bonhart hunts the rats down and slaughters them. Let's watch. Put the music and they say that a hero.

The winner of most deserved flop is Snow White and the Seven CGI Abominations. Despite being released last year, this is SW7CA's fourth worst of woke award. It is also the first production in film history to win film awards three years in a row. Snow White and the Seven CGI Abominations got everything it deserved. Universal castigation and total commercial failure. Rachel Zaggler's career was the first casualty when this bomb finally went off and good [ __ ] riddance.

>> It's Hollywood, baby.

Our next category is stacked. Worst screen couple. Some couples feel due to an obvious lack of chemistry, some due to the intervention of an heroic avenging angel, and some due to the presence of a narcissistic sociopath in the relationship.

>> You got hit. I'm sorry I hit you like this, but I did not punch you. I did not [ __ ] deck you. I [ __ ] was hitting you.

The nominees for worst couple are Alli and Dena.

>> Hey, what do you call Grizzly's ribs? Barbecue.

>> Did you just make that up?

>> Yeah.

>> Barbecue.

>> Yeah.

>> Cheating CEO and weed crone.

>> Yeah. Oh, look at these. All right. Come on. You're okay. What?

>> Either they're having an affair or they're just very shy.

>> Phillies Karen and Cowardly Dad,

>> Jake Paul and Anthony Joshua.

>> Everyone wondering what THE HELL IS HAPPENING. AND JOSHUA CONTINUES TO CHOP DOWN PAUL.

Ariana Grande and Cynthia Arivo.

>> This is real.

>> Yeah,

>> it looks real. It looks real.

>> Megan Markle and whoever she forced in front of the camera to suffer through an episode of her Netflix LAR as a stay-at-home mom. Let's get Megan out of the way first so we can do what Prince Harry should have done a long time ago and be done with this [ __ ] In her Netflix show, I Megan or from Megan with Love or whatever that piece of shit's called. No, I'm not looking it up. Megan larps as a homely wife who pays close personal attention to the needs of her children. In reality, Megan doesn't actually raise her children. She has slaves that do that for her. She has better things to do like pretend to be black, accuse everyone of racism, bully her staff, and phone in her Spotify podcast for which she was paid $20 million.

>> You know, Megan, how are you? And are you okay?

>> That's so kind. I am. I'm better than okay.

>> Um, how are you? I, Megan was filmed in a house specifically rented for the show. The one episode of the show I watched featured her taking junk snacks out of the wrapping and placing them in a glass jar, which Megan seemed to think of as an accomplishment. She concocted a truly abominable looking spaghetti slop, which she forced some poor guy to eat, followed by an assy, dryl looking layer cake. I lost count of the amount of times Megan's her and makeup changed. And her kitchen has clearly seen less use than Anne Frank's drum kit. Later in the video, I will be talking about words that define the past year. And one of those words is performative. I, Megan, is a textbook example of what performative looks like.

Our next nominee, Ellie and Dena. A lesbian relationship between a gorgeous model and a sentient potato was not on my wish list for 2025. And before the inevitable hall monitor comments about how oh my dry fungus spring chilled potato shred java frap honey double crumble white iced soy mocha chai lavender macchiato. Okay, let's unpack this row. Criticize the show all you want, but criticizing Bella Ramsay's looks because she has a face like a sprouted potato is so low. It's a dick move to mention that an actress with several hours of screen time is unpleasant to look at.

>> Nope, I am not having that non-playable sheep. Bella Ramsay's looks became fair game for mockery the second I was forced to watch her finger bang an underwear model. Don't want me making fun of her giant [ __ ] potato head? Then don't force me to watch her stick her tongue down Dena's throat while shoving her fingers up Dena's. But worse than the unconvincing potato mans, Ellie and Dena are the same character. They have the same world view, agree on everything all the time, express the same opinions about other people, laugh at each other's crappy jokes, are in constant emotional concert with one another. They both look and act soft. Despite the show's pathetic attempts to convince the audience how hard they are, these girls couldn't survive a KFC all you can eat buffet in the Bronx. Never mind a zombie apocalypse. Both characters are morons. They march down the middle of the street, ignoring their surroundings and talking loudly in a city infested with infected and enemy combatants. Worst of all, both characters talk in [ __ ] insufferable millennial speak.

>> Oh my god. Are you going to [ __ ] tell me? For the record, I don't believe you. I'm going to leave you alone now and go and explore the rest of this place because you're smart as [ __ ] That door's open and nothing's come out to kill us.

Our next nominees are Cheating CEO and Wither Cone, also known as Andy Byron and Christristen Kabot, former execs at a tech startup called Astronomer. Andy is a piece of [ __ ] who cheated on his wife and left his kids to rot while he was off ramming his 53-year-old sidepiece. What did the wife say to her cheating CEO husband when she saw the video of him cheating on her at a Coldplay concert? You should be ashamed of yourself. Cold Play haven't released a good song in 20 years.

>> But the Kabat woman is so much worse. This rotten [ __ ] actually had the sheer brass wank to play the victim in an interview with the Times. She used her own children as human shields to deflect criticism, saying, quote, "It's not over for me and it's not over for my kids. The harassment never ended. I didn't know what to do to support my kids correctly. They were already in really bad shape. And that's when the wheels fell off the cart because my kids were afraid that I was going to die and they were going to die. I want my kids to know that you can make mistakes and you can really screw up, but you don't have to be threatened to be killed for them. My kids. My kids. My kids. You didn't look too [ __ ] worried about your kids when you were caught good timeing it with Chad while your husband was at home looking AFTER YOUR KIDS. [ __ ] YOU, CONE.

My apologies. Here at the Worst of Vocs, we pride ourselves in retaining total objectivity toward all nominees. Rest assured, the Despot's minor loss of objective balance shall not be repeated. This sile [ __ ] not only threw her kids in front of the mob, she had the sheer cheek to try to gaslight on her affair, saying, quote, "There was no sexual affair. I had a couple of alcoholic high noons and danced and acted inappropriately with my boss and it's not nothing and I took accountability and gave up my career for that. Bex will [ __ ] come when she go down she wasn't bouncing up and down on Chad's [ __ ] Yeah, I'll believe that when I see Johnny Depp and Amber Heard caught on couple cam at the Lost Prophets comeback tour.

>> I [ __ ] was hitting you.

>> But wait, Demo,

>> this treacherous slag finished her interview by asserting that not only was she a victim, she is a hero. Quote, "One of the main reasons I want to have this conversation is not to prolong any 15 minutes of pathetic fame. Every day I hear something about a kid or young adult who committed suicide because of how horrific they were treated in the comment section. We have to be kinder to each other, not constantly tear one another down. You hear that, guys? Move over, good Samaritans, because this town has a new hero. Jesus Christ. I I can't with this [ __ ] anymore. Leo, we need a hero.

>> It's all right. It's over. And they say that her

>> Christian Kabat proves the wisdom of the Aristotilian principle. When you're neck deep in [ __ ] use your mouth for breathing, not talking. The Coldplay cheating couple moment gave rise to the best meme of 2025. The internet was flooded with memes mocking the duplicitous duo and Chris Martin had his best moment since the last good Coldplay song, which as far as I'm aware was 2002's The Scientist. [ __ ] tune, man.

>> Kristen Kat was discovered having an affair with a younger man. Not only is she a cougar, she's a cheater. Ariana Grande and Cynthia Arivo produced some of the most bizarre, cringe-inducing moments of the year when they were promoting the thoroughly crap wicked for good.

>> I just love you.

>> I love you, too.

>> And I love you. And yeah, I hope you'll let my French be one of the things that that you're learning how to let in. Trying to decipher the new age Reddit spiritualism word vomit these women spew out is futile. More worrying than the verbal diarrhea that pours from their mouths is their appearance. We can and should laugh at the coldplay cheating couple. But Ariana Grande and Cynthia Arivo is no joke. These girls need help. Ariana, if you're watching, please eat a cheeseburger. I will pay for the cheeseburger myself. If you promise to eat it, I'll buy you a whole Big Mac. even though they cost $45. Now,

>> I've been on a veganon only diet for a month now. The food is delicious. The only problem is that they keep trying to escape.

>> And stop using whatever weight loss drug you are on.

>> Drugs aren't the answer. Do you understand that?

>> What did the drug dealer say to THE JUNKIE?

>> SHOW ME THE MONEY.

>> We hope these two freaks make a full recovery from whatever witchcraft is afflicting them. They're both extremely talented. Drugs are for mugs. Michael, why don't you get the last word on this, son?

>> Don't do drugs. If you're doing it, stop it. Get some help.

>> Philly's Karen became the internet's most hated villain when she stole a baseball from a child. But criticizing a Karen for stealing from a child in the total conviction that what she is doing is right is like criticizing a burr for mauling a hiker. The burr is merely acting in accordance with its nature. A burr is going to maul. A Karen is going to emotionally ravage everyone around her while rationalizing her actions as fully justified. The unsung villain of this piece is cowardly dad. This man let that creature steal his son's ball. He should have stood between the Karen and his son and let it be known that if she wanted that ball, she would have to pry it from his cold dead fingers. Instead, he did what far too many men in the West have done over the past several decades. He gave in to the screeching Karen. He folded like a deck chair, setting a terrible example for his son, and his son suffered the humiliation of his dad being exposed to the world as a coward. Weak men create hard times and children suffer. This is the story of the West today. For too long, weak men have given into the demands of nagging harpies, hoping that if they seed just one more inch of ground, these shrieking hags will finally go away. But they never do. They always come back with a handful of fresh demands clasped in their claws.

Jake Paul and Anthony Joshua were a truly dreadful pairing. This was all Jake Paul's fault. He did everything he could to avoid engaging. He spent the entire fight running around the absurdly large ring trying to stay away from Joshua. And when he was too exhausted to continue running, he started shooting double leg takedowns. And when he was too tired to continue that, he hugged. And in his final bastion of defense, he dived to the canvas. Paul's one offensive tactic was to bait Joshua toward him by backing up toward the ropes, then launch a big overhand right at him. These punches weren't so much telegraphed as they were plastered on a giant billboard. Despite Paul's ridiculous antics, Joshua did eventually corner and crush him. Anthony Joshua saved heavyweight boxing's reputation when he cleaned up Tyson Fury's mess and sent Francis and Ganu to the Nether Realm with a disgusting overhand right. And he saved it again when he broke Jake Paul's jaw in two places with the most rancid straight right of 2025. Well done, AJ. Fortunately for Jake Paul, he does not possess any functioning brain cells and thus avoided the permanent brain damage that would otherwise have resulted from being KO'ed by an elite level heavyweight boxer.

The winner of worst couple is Ellie and Dena. Ellie and Dena could be the poster child for the experimented in college relationship. Dena is the smoking hot sority chick who decided to go dumpster diving for a quick thrill when she was on the rebound from Chad. Ally might live in Vtown, but Dena is clearly a tourist on a weekend trip.

>> I was going to make another potato joke about Ellie. But I decided that it would be downright wrong. After all, who wants to hear a rehash joke?

>> That's very noble of you, Karen iPhone. At least one of us has standards.

>> What do you call Ellie at a political protest? An agitator.

Moving on now to worst casting. The nominees are G20. Viola Davis racked up a body count of 15 in G20. Davis's insistence on inflicting her action career on audiences has been about as welcome as the Greenhouse Gang's insistence on inflicting themselves upon Davis. And like Davis, Stewers have had their fill. Viola Davis is to action what the Greenhouse Gang is to consensual love making. And in both cases, the end result is ugly.

>> OUTSIDE, YOU LAZY BASTARD.

>> I don't know why the greenhouse scene in Scum is considered so notorious. After all, three of the four people involved had a great time.

>> Karen iPhone, that is just sick.

>> I was absolutely horrified when I saw the gang rape scene in Scum. I can't imagine what it must have been like having to wait in line for that long.

Our next nominee, Snow White and the Seven CGI abominations. Rachel Zaggler possesses about as much grace and majesty as the contents of Davis's ass after a session with the Greenhouse Boys. In fairness to the greenhouse gang, they were instructed to go do some defflowering in the greenhouse.

>> Seeing her prance around in a cheap looking Snow White Halloween costume was as welcome a sight as this unasked for unwanted insert of the come kiss from Queer into this video. Zagler looked ridiculous with her Lord Farquad haircut. Yes, she can act. Yes, she can sing. But she was horribly miscast as Snow White. Galgadot was hilarious as the evil queen. Seven CGI abominations instead of real dwarf actors was the worst tradeoff since the producers of Spectre rejected the radio head masterpiece Spectre as the song for the movie and instead chose whatever that crap by Sam Watts's face was called, which is regularly voted the worst Bond song of all time. The guy that played some guy was a no- res wallflower. Casting downtown LA as the setting was another eye roll but standard for fantasy productions nowadays. As predictable as the latest Avatar slop, making $13 billion at the box office.

Our next nominee, the nominal fight Andrew Tate v. Chase Deur. Casting these two pones as fighters produced a pathetic spectacle. The two fighters stood in place, pawing gently at one another, hugged, kissed, hugged some more. They could not jab, couldn't throw combinations, had no lateral movement, no footwork, zero head movement. The guy in the corner here streaming this nominal fight had better head movement. Neither fighter ever demonstrated the ability to maintain a coherent boxing guard. Tate's stamina was absolutely pathetic. The guy gassed harder than Chemical Ali. He had melted into a harmless pile of sludge by the end of round two. Andrew Tate has talked enough shite to fill the plot holes in Stranger Things season 5, but when it came time to back it up, he couldn't deliver. Tate clinched more than a diuretic [ __ ] waiting in line to use a porta potty and got a beating from a guy who punches like this. It turns out that Andrew Tate's world championship kickboxing belts were won fighting guys with little to no experience. Here's a typical example. In December 2020, Tate beat a guy called Cosman Linger. Our boy Cosman has a record of zero wins and one loss. His loss was to Andrew Tate. I have a better combat record than that. Here's another fight from 2015 versus Jeanluke Benois. Benois has three fights on his record, all against Andrew Tate. Benois won his debut against Tate, was KO'ed in the rematch, and lost their final bout on decision. In December 2016, Tate lost to a guy called Ibrahim El Bust. Busti has a record of 1 Z and zero. His one win was against Andrew Tate. Andrew Tate is not and never was a real fighter. He's a con man who got a welldeserved aura shatter and reality check.

Our final nominee, The Last of Us. Many Last of Us fans never fully embraced Pedro Pascal as Joel, though they were a minority, but no one liked Bella Ramsay as Ellie. Following her excellent performance as Abby, viewers started asking why Caitlyn Dver wasn't cast as Ellie, as she looks far more like her than Bella Ramsey. And bonus point, Dver can actually act. Bella Ramsey as Ellie has already gone down as one of the worst casting decisions in the history of film.

The winner of worst casting is The Last of Us. We are compelled to warn our viewers that this next category will cause auditory distress. Worst song. The nominees are Ellie's version of Take on Me,

>> Pretty Girls by Will Smith.

>> Pretty girls.

>> Anything from Snow White.

>> Hell no. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. That [ __ ] up. Come on. Come on. That [ __ ] up. Come on. Come on. That [ __ ] up. Hold up. It's about to piece some [ __ ] [ __ ] This nigga's building drink all on my kicks. On my kicks. This chick is wasted. Sick.

>> Friend of mine by Rihanna from the Smurfs movie. An 80s classic stripped of its groove, energy, charisma, and sexiness and turned into a slow, boring durge. misused as the theme song to the most forced romance since the greenhouse gang's summer fling with Davis. Ellie performs the song in a zombieinfested city being fought over by two enemy factions. The danger of an enemy hearing her and attacking is significant, but [ __ ] that because lesbian romance. Pretty Girls is Midlife Crisis the song. The song is a lyrical catastrophe. In the opening verse, Will rhymes the word five with the word five and the word tonight with the word tonight twice. The song contains the line, "I'm about to do some investing. I spend it on you and your bestie." Pretty Girls is mostly about how much Will loves women and totally isn't into dudes. I like pretty girls.

>> Pretty Girls was ratioed into

>> and the comment section is filled with people expressing genuine sadness that Will has no one in his life who loves him enough to tell him that this

>> is not a good idea.

Whistle while you work. ravages a classic and turns it into Broadwayified Disney slop. During the song, Snow White prances around, telling the abominations to clean your [ __ ] up fast because I want the place looking nice and spiff for Chad when he comes over tonight to ram me harder than Grond at the gates of Mas Tith. Also, you midgets are sleeping outside tonight. Chad likes his space. Mopy comments that he thought she was going out with Tyrone. She slaps him across the face and spits out. Tyrone was last month's [ __ ] He's a [ __ ] loser. Anyway, that deadbeat lost his finance bro job and his mom got the trust fund in the divorce. Now his broke ass can't even afford $400 to take me out to dinner. Friend of mine by Rihanna is a classic paycheck song. Rihanna just about made it to her home studio in her dressing gown. Spent a few minutes add libing lines into the mic. told her producer, "Turn that into a song and returned to her living room. The result is an unlistenable bill of loops, samples, and the same few lines of nominal melody repeated over and over and over. The words like a friend of mine appear 30 times in the song. This isn't even low effort, as that would suggest there was any effort involved." By the way, I worked in a Pizza Hut kitchen briefly in 2011, and they kept playing the same playlist again and again and again, and one of the songs was the Rihanna song with the hook, You Want to Make Me Feel Like I'm the Only Girl in the World. I refuse to look up what that piece of shit's called. Anyway, [ __ ] that song.

The winner of worst song is my money. Our next award is the despot's pardon. awarded in recognition of excellence in the midst of shite. The nominees are Caitlyn Dver for her superb performance as Abby in the last of us, 9-in nails for their excellent Tron Ars soundtrack, which I unfortunately can't play any of because it will be copyright claimed. So instead, let's have another viewing of the comiss from Queer.

>> What the [ __ ] bro?

>> All right, fine. Here's Halle Berry's beach scene from Die Another Day. I contend that Die Another Day is two halves of separate masterpieces. The first half is a serious spy thriller. The second half is action parody. What is Bond up to these days anyway? Please, please stop. Please, please, please stop.

>> Our next nominee needs no introduction. Suffice to say that when the world needed a hero, he answered the call. and they say that a hero can save us.

>> Our next nominee, Jamie Campbell Bower, for his superb performance as Vakna in Stranger Things. Stranger Things fell off a cliff, went through a wormhole, and ended up in an abyss in its last season, but Jamie Campbell Bower's talent still managed to shine through. He demonstrated enormous range over the course of a role in which he acted his ass off. No need for comparison with some of the uh Lesser performances. Jamie Campbell Bower was absolute fire from his introduction in season 4 to the show's miserable conclusion.

Our final nominees, the two guys that stabbed Ian Watkins. The crimes of former Lost Profits frontman Ian Watkins are so horrific that I will not describe them here since to do so would cause the mood to collapse faster than I Watkins after our nominees gave him the good news. Their act of justice spurred the British taxpayer from having to waste another penny keeping this oxygen thief alive. Though no doubt the taxpayers in hell will be unhappy at having to accommodate their new arrival. Also, Lost Prophets music was shite. Generic emo cringe.

The recipient of the death spots pardon is the two guys that stabbed Dane Watkins. A source said Watkins was killed in the most brutal way possible.

>> Well done, lads.

Our next category is a new entry into the worst of folk awards. Worst scene. The nominees are from The Last of Us. I'm gonna be a dad.

>> So, we're having a baby. So, we're all having a baby. I'm going to be a dad.

>> From Stranger Things, Will comes out.

>> I I I don't like girls.

>> From Quee, the come kiss

>> from feminism leaves earth. Katy Perry in space.

>> The women experienced 4 minutes of weightlessness. Katie held up a daisy for the camera. If Aan Watkins leaving life was the most positive development of 2025, feminism leaving Earth and taking Katy Perry with it was runner up. Unfortunately, both came back 10 minutes later. Katy Perry spent her brief moment floating above the Earth the same way she spends her time on Earth, glaring mindlessly into her phone. You were supposed to celebrate the first all female space flight operated entirely by men working for mission control. But the internet had other plans. Katy Perry in space went down like a lost profit song at an Epstein inquiry. Her self- aandisizing publicity stunt was massacred online. Katy Perry was rightly called out as a clout hungry hasbin desperately seeking a PR win.

>> Katy Perry jumped out of the aircraft and kissed the ground in a painfully cringe moment that has been roasted online. Katie.

>> The pop star then dug herself into a deeper hole of cringe with her postflight interview.

>> It is the highest high and it is surrender to the unknown trust. Um and this whole journey is not just about going to space. It's the training. I feel really connected to that strong divine feminine right now.

>> She was mocked as an attention [ __ ] long-suffering withdrawal symptoms who thought that getting blasted off her sugar daddy's big rocket might get her that dopamine hit she's been missing for so long now. But with her last two shite albums both flopping miserably.

>> Katy Perry must be used to flops by now. Her last two albums were miserable failures. Her feminist space flight was universally mocked and she's dating Justin Trudeau.

>> Seeking to rebound from the failure of Feminism Leaves Earth, Katy Perry released a new song titled Band-Aids in November. It reached number 61 in the UK charts and failed to chart in the US. Katy Perry's career does not need band-aids. It needs a mercy killing.

The come kissing queer is vomit inducing and this is not due to the gender composition of the kiss. Like Will Smith, I am not a homosexual, but never over the course of my sexual history have I felt the desire to ingest my own semen after depositing it in a woman. Such a scene should be restricted to adult entertainment, not a movie which I paid $12 to watch. Gay.

>> However, in Queer's defense, it is called queer. So, the movie does what it says on the tin at least. A sleepy little town in middle America in the 80s. 12 main characters, two of them gay, zero of them Christian. Will courageously comes out

To his group of atheist friends in a town that is strangely bereft of religion. He chooses to relate his sexual preferences right before everyone was gearing up to go fight Vakna. The Duffer brothers' paper-thin excuse for the timing of the revelation was that Vakna knew Will's fears. So, you know, Will had to admit that he is the main reason that the greenhouse scene in *Scum* is by far the most rewatched on YouTube.

"I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm absolutely appalled at what the Greenhouse gang did to Davis. Three deposits and not a single reach around."

Karen iPhone rolls, "Stunning and brave coming out. We ask our dear viewers to please bear in mind that we have had to slightly edit the scene in order to avoid copyright infringement."

"I... I don't like girls."

"Oh, okay, sweetie. But can we talk about this another time? We need to prepare for an existential battle against Vecna."

"I'm gay."

"Yeah, cool, bro. So, L, when you enter Vecna's lair, we need you."

"I suck dick for money."

"Will, we don't need to hear this, man."

"You should see me [ __ ]."

"No, we don't want to see that, Will."

"I'm the best piece of ass in three states."

"All right, that scene."

"I'm going to be a dad."

"What the [ __ ] even was 2025, man? No, you're not. You're not going to be a dad. First, because you're not a man. You're a sentient potato. Second, it's not your kid. It's Dana and Jesse's kid. You know, Jesse, that guy you got killed condemning his child to a life without a father. Yeah, that guy. Third, what kind of creep lays claim to a woman's child on the basis of a single sexual encounter? That's not even clingy, man. That is psychotic."

"To Dena, this is a temporary experimentation ship. To Ally, it's forever. I fear for Dena's safety when she inevitably drops Ellie like a sack of spuds."

"If you would just make up your mind to go have dinner with me occasionally, then I wouldn't have to go sneaking into your garage to leave notes on your car. It's really not that hard."

The winner of worst scene is...

"So this means I'm going to be a dad."

"Oh my god. Joel. Joel. I'm... I'm going to be a dad."

"No, you are not, Ellie."

We now move on to the death spot award section of our ceremony. Although I permit my subjects limited voting rights, I retain my imperial prerogative of rule by decree. I alone have selected the winners of all categories within this section. Though we will be returning to the voting categories following the conclusion of this segment. We begin the deathbot award section with worst word. Every year, Webster releases a word of the year as a marketing gimmick. And in 2025, they absolutely nailed it.

"Miami Webster announced its word of 2025, and it's called 'slop'."

When I heard this, I felt compelled to identify the worst word of the year. And during a viewing of last year's absolutely woeful remake of *I Know What You Did Last Summer*, I found it. The word appears in a scene in which Bucketheat is murdering a victim with a harpoon. Here's the scene. See if you can identify the word.

"What the [ __ ] bro? God. Bro, when we have reached the point at which we call serial killers who are in the midst of murdering us 'bro,' the word has become desassinated, stripped of its original meaning of a male friend whose friendship is so highly valued that he can be considered family. 'Bro' once meant your wingman, your loyal friend, a man you knew would never betray you, never falter, never stray, never break the code of 'bro.' Today..."

"What the [ __ ] bro?"

*I Know What You Did Last Summer: 25* revealed the true villain all this time was grandfather time because that sick bastard turned Jennifer Love Hewitt from this into that.

"What the [ __ ] bro?"

Though I reckon he had a wee bit of help from McDonald's. Am I right, boys? Ha!

Most damaged career is usually a voting category, but this year the winner is so obvious that there is no point in putting it to a vote. The winner is Rachel Zaggler. The runner-up is Neil Druckmann. He was [ __ ] canned by Warner after *The Last of Us* season 2. The show lost 55% of its audience over the course of the season, bringing a permanent end to Druckmann's brief failed stint in television. He is currently working on his next AAA slop title, *Intergalactic: The Heretic Prophet*, which we look forward to welcoming to a future Worst of Folk Awards. After the calamitous box office failure of *Snow White and the Seven CGI Abominations*, Rachel Zaggler's career is over. This was the most deserved career implosion since Jeffrey Dahmer's culinary career was brought to an end by his poor selection of meats.

Up next, worst wanker. Our first winner is John Boyega. Bitter that his career went nowhere after *Star Wars*, Boyega has whined endlessly like a shrewish ex-wife who won't shut up about the husband she divorced a decade ago. He has accused everyone and everything even peripherally related to *Star Wars* of racism. Type John Boyega into Google and all you will see is an endless stream of articles detailing Jon's petty complaints about that shitty trilogy and whatever thing he deems racist that week. This field actor has become a sad, pathetic little broken windbag that drones out a particularly irritating single note. John, you're not a thing anymore. And you've spewed so much verbal diarrhea about the sequel trilogy that no one cares now. Shut up. Get over it. Fire your agent. Get a better agent and act in something good. Not that anyone will give a [ __ ] because you were never anything more than a 10 a penny who caught a lucky break. To quote a movie far greater than anything you will ever appear in: "Shut when you think about it."

Our second winner of worst wanker is Coldplay cheating couple woman Kristen Kabot. She cucked her husband, broke up her family, wrecked another family, gaslit on her affair, used her own children as human shields to deflect criticism. Played the victim, then played the hero, suggesting that she was on some sort of crusade to save lives. Kristen Kabat was astronomer's HR executive. She wagged her finger at WJack. Bry beat him for his unwanted advances and fatty locker room talk that could be interpreted by some team members as harassment. You need to do better, WJack. Meanwhile, she's fating her way up the corporate ladder, cocking her husband and getting hammered by the boss harder than the final defenses of Minas Tirith. A liar, cheat, hypocrite, and home wrecker. Christristen Kabat thoroughly deserves to be recognized as 2025's worst wanker.

"What did Kristen Kat's husband say when he saw the video of his wife cheating on him?"

"Oh no, her boyfriend won't be happy when he finds out."

Our final winner of worst wanker is that wankhead journalist who granted Sydney Sweeney the opportunity to grovel before her in a white guilt struggle session. The criticism of the content which was basically that maybe specifically in this political climate like white people shouldn't joke about genetic superiority like that was kind of like the criticism broadly speaking and since you are talking about this I just wanted to give you an opportunity to talk about that specifically.

"I think that when I have an issue that I want to speak about, people will hear."

This ideologically possessed demon went through a bizarre sequence of verbal and facial acrobatics in her failed attempt to bait Sydney Sweeney into playing the role of villain in the twisted fantasy of terminally online woke morons. Sydney Sweeney's composure in the face of such vicious, underhanded invective is admirable. My favorite reaction to this interview was from Morgoth who wrote the following on X: "I've spent 3 minutes watching you place a trap on the ground, smear its teeth in [ __ ] and cover it with leaves, and now you invite me to stand on it as if I'm a [ __ ] [ __ ] you."

Our next category, worst CGI. Well, this will be about as surprising as an empty Somalian daycare. *Snow White and the Seven CGI Abominations*. The faces of the cacottomans, known only as the abominations, could be transposed onto a painting of a scene from hell, and the effect would be to render the tableau more accurate. Visual monstrosities of such total iniquity could only ever have been nightmared into existence by Disney.

Worst haircut. Brie Larson returns to defend her crown with a blonde version of the award-winning Sexless Ink Splat she was rocking in 2024. Brie Larson is the first person, but more importantly, the first woman...

"The first woman."

"The first woman."

"To win in the same category, two years in a row."

"She was the first."

The pixie cut only ever looked good once on Naomi Harris in *28 Days Later*. Bri has tried it twice now and failed twice. For the love of Sydney Sweeney's tits, someone please get this woman. A 40-year-old white dude. Bri. WAIT.

Worst nappo baby. This category is cursed. Every year the actions of the nappu baby get considerably worse. The category started innocently enough with Lily Rose Depp receiving the inaugural win for her trashy performance in *The Idol*. Then Liz Hurley's son dragged the award into Hades when he won for having his near 60-year-old mother perform a lesbian sex scene. He did this to get free publicity for his unwatchable directorial debut. I saw half that movie and cannot recall its name.

"What did Damian Hurley say when his mother announced she was pregnant?"

"I'm going to be a dad."

Somehow the nappo baby bar has been lowered once again. And not by a little, by a lot. This year's winner of worst Nepo baby is Raja Jackson, a field MMA fighter turned streamer. Raja is the son of former UFC light heavyweight champion Rampage Jackson. Raja Jackson attempted to beat hobbyist wrestler Psycho Stew to death during a work at a small-time event in LA. Jackson then fled the scene whining to his followers on whatever god-forsaken streaming platform he uses about his well-earned reputation as a little [ __ ].

"Tired of everybody [ __ ] playing with me and [ __ ]. Think I'm always playing and [ __ ]. Call me [ __ ] and [ __ ]. Not no [ __ ] [ __ ] bro. At the end of the day, I'mma stand up for my [ __ ] self because I'm tired of everybody [ __ ] playing with me, bro. Real [ __ ]."

Raja, known as Little [ __ ], had agreed to a scenario in which he would slam Psycho Stew. Stu's way of apologizing for mistaking Little [ __ ] for a wrestler and crushing an empty beer can against his head. But Little [ __ ] betrayed Stu's trust, slammed him head first against the canvas, and proceeded to punch the already unconscious Stu 23 times before other wrestlers dragged Little [ __ ] off Stew. Stu, a military veteran, was hospitalized and has since retired from wrestling. Little [ __ ] Jackson pleaded not guilty to one count of felony battery in October. We send our very best wishes to Psycho Stew and hope that Little [ __ ] ends up a prison [ __ ]. We know he's not going down for his attempted murder of Psycho Stew due to the color composition of a crime committed in California, but such a vicious degenerate will no doubt commit some other atrocity that will land his [ __ ] ass in prison where it belongs. If the curse of worst nappo baby is not lifted, we will probably be discussing a murder next year.

Up next, the aged like milk award. And so right now, Mr. Trump, to answer your call for political honesty. I just want to say you're not going to be president. All right. It's been fun. The inaugural aged like milk award goes to Nicholas Maduro. US special forces capture Venezuelan President Nicholas Maduro.

Maduro shares this award with our second winner. Every idiot who claimed that Sydney Sweeney's career was over because Hitler. The same people who suddenly became experts on Venezuelan politics the day after Maduro was captured declared that Sydney Sweeney was finished because she's a white woman who appeared in a jeans ad in which she was unapologetically white. Here's a typical example from self-declared writer Gemini Moon7: "From mega sweetheart to box office poison. How Sydney Sweeney found out the hard way that having the better jeans just isn't enough." Sydney Sweeney's most recent movie, *Housemaid*, which is currently in theaters, was made on a budget of $35 million. As of the writing of this piece, *Housemaid*'s box office revenue is $193 million. Sydney Sweeney has great jeans.

"And now, if you don't know, now you know."

Our next award is for worst girl boss. The nominees are Viola Davis for her performance as President Girl Boss. The laughable fight choreography wasn't even the worst part of President Girl Boss. Her interminable pseudo-solemn pop psychology monologues were.

"You want to control and you want to have power, but that's not going to make you a leader."

Our next nominee is the worst ever iteration of the much-abused character Lara Croft.

"This mask... I have information that my father might have acquired it unethically. Obviously, this meaty, chippy, manish, charmless bruiser isn't the real Lara Croft. She is the woke fantasy version of Lara Croft, created by showrunners who look like this and sound like this."

"There's something really powerful to showing women that you can be all the things that Lara Croft is. She's fiercely independent. She... um... speaks her mind without fear of retribution. Um... she can absolutely handle herself against anyone... um... physically, mentally. Um... she has it all, but can also be, as we saw in the Survivor series, very vulnerable. So the fact that girls can see that they can have all of that is an extremely powerful message."

Our next nominee, MJ the Merciless. This hard-smoking, hard-talking, hard-chur-putting-down, hard-door-pushing girl boss. Don't take yes for an answer. She takes yes, ma'am.

"My unit is responsible for securing the hospital. I know your orders. I gave them a lease. What happened?"

Following the loss of a squad of soldiers to a new potentially existential threat, the airborne corticeps, MJ deals with the problem by covering it up and instructing everyone to pretend Corticeps don't exist.

"I'll inform only the people who absolutely need to know and no one else."

And MJ is unfazed by the fact that her plan is unworkable, as word will clearly have already gotten out about the Corticeps and the massive casualties they have caused. Because MJ has no time to worry about plot holes. She has doors to push open and aura to farm.

Our next two nominees are not only girl bosses, but [ __ ] girl bosses. From *Captain Cape* [ __ ] [ __ ], girl boss. And from *Stranger Things*, Rambo Nancy. Throughout the entirety of her *Stranger Things* run, Nancy has been the fat on the ass, the third wheel, the spur dick. She should have been killed off two or three seasons ago. Perhaps aware of how utterly pointless she is, the Duffer brothers decided that Nancy was suddenly Rambo Nancy, 5'10" and 3" of pure girl boss.

Our next girl boss, Ironheart. A plagiarist, criminal, thief, narcissist, and worst of all, perpetual whiner. It is a testament to just how insane American culture was in 2020 that Marvel genuinely believed this horrendous, despicable character could take over as the new Iron Man and with a bunch of other insufferable girl bosses in tow lead Marvel into the future.

Our next nominee is Ellie, a woman who don't need no man, no dad, and no help.

"I don't need your [ __ ] help."

There are other girl bosses we could nominate, but I think you already know who's winning this category. The winner of the 2026 Worst of Award Worst Girl Boss is...

"Oh my god. Are you going to [ __ ] tell me?"

"Yes, I am. Ellie, the winner is you and Rambo Nancy and Mitch and Brown lesbian girl boss and Netflix Larcraft and Lesbian Sideshave and Science Genius video. OH MY GOD, THERE'S TOO MANY OF THEM."

"Get a hold of yourself. You're an Earth director agent."

"Affirmative, Commander."

"What are the orders?"

"I know your orders. I gave them."

The Despot's Redemption goes to Ryan Coogler for *Sinners*. *Sinners* is the best movie I saw in theaters in 2025. And before some midwit accuses me of being cinematically illiterate, no, the primary theme of *Sinners* is not the loss of black identity within a vampiric white society. It is the loss of individual identity within a collective. Ramik himself is a man with lost identity. He's Irish, but has had his ancient identity crushed out of him by the British, then by the vastness of America. The guitarist's identity as a musician is threatened by his father's church. He is ultimately forced to choose between individual destiny and collective belonging. Ryan Coogler's previous movie was *Wakanda Forever*, which was correctly voted the worst movie at the 2023 Worst of Folk Awards. This is the biggest jump in quality between projects since the lost profits 2012 album *Weapons* and Ian Watkins' death in prison. Congratulations, Ryan Coogler.

Best spin-off goes to Marvel. Last year they won for *Avengers: Cast Assembles to Support Kamala Harris*.

"Vote Kamala forever."

"That's better. Okay. How about 'I'm down with democracy'? It's just clean. It's simple."

"Okay. I like that."

"It's hard to argue with that."

This year, Marvel wins for their 5 and 1/2 hour long arthouse masterpiece, *Avengers Doomsday Cast Announce*. The film consists of a single 5-hour, 28-minute long shot. The camera slowly pans across a row of empty chairs with the actor's names printed on them. The empty chairs symbolize how Marvel has become a totally vapid franchise. The characters still have heroic-sounding names: Ironheart, Captain America, Black Panther, but there is nothing there. Ironheart is an evil little winge. Captain America is a box ticker in a dime-store Halloween costume. Black Panther is a 9-year-old girl. In a brilliant piece of meta-commentary, the last chair bears the name Pedro Pascal. Pedro Pascal being in everything has become an internet meme over the past year. So, of course, he was going to appear in Marvel's 5 and 1/2-hour long arthouse film. In addition to the thematic wealth of the piece, *Avengers Doomsday Cast Announce* was also a massive step up in sheer entertainment value from Marvel's previous release, *Captain America: Brave New World*. Although we were pleasantly surprised by *Avengers Doomsday Cast Announce*, we hold out little hope for Marvel's next big release, *Avengers Doomsday*.

Awards season villain award goes to Paul Thomas Anderson for *One Battle After Another*. The movie is brutally bloated, which causes it to drag horribly at times. But *One Battle After Another*'s biggest problem is its politics. This is *Antifa: The Movie*. A white supremacist regime is taken on by a righteous group of anti-fascist crusaders. I mean warriors, because the crusades were evil. But wait, the crusaders fought back against a gigantic expansionist totalitarian Islamic caliphate that had conquered Spain and invaded France. How is Europe defending itself from subjugation under an expansionist superpower a bad thing?

The Antifons, known as the French 75, break open migrant detention centers, sending the migrants flooding into poor areas where the activists don't live. The activists rob banks, bomb government buildings, murder some broke-ass working stiff security guard. But later in the timeline, the 75ers have become lionized as heroes of the people. All the illegal migrants are women and children. And as anyone who has seen a picture of a Channel dinghy knows, that is a dishonest portrayal of the demographic reality of illegal migrants. But by far the worst part of *One Battle After Another* is the ending. Leonardo DiCaprio's daughter receives a signal from Leistance that a protest is to take place in Lincoln Park, 2 hours away from where this 16-year-old lives. She heroically heads out the door to heroically drive to the heroic protest. Okay, let's get straight to the point here. If you're 16 minutes old, public political discourse is none of your goddamn business. Call me elitist, but I don't care what a 16-year-old has to say about how my society should be run. You're 16. Go do your math homework or your karate lessons. Or just go be 16. Hang out with friends. Smoke a naughty joint in the woods. Lose your virginity to Chad. Then cry to your best friend Becca about how you thought you and Chad were forever. But then you found out that he hasn't really broken up with Stacy and he just told me that to get in my pants and he lied when he said he loved me and he won't even respond to my DMs and I hate him and I never want to see him again and Stacy is such a total [ __ ] and why won't Chad message me back. Whatever it is 16-year-olds do these days, go do that. Just don't lecture me about how the government should spend my tax money when you've never paid one [ __ ] cent of tax in the 15 minutes you've been on this planet.

So naturally, *One Battle After Another* has received 363 awards nominations and won 163 of those awards, and we haven't even had the Oscars yet.

Best parody goes to a YouTuber called Tuggle Bits who in one minute perfectly captured the dumb, tropey, repetitive, past-the-parcel dialogue writing style of *Stranger Things* that reached a level of absurdity in season 5.

"Okay, so we've got to put the smackdown on this ring thing. It can only be destroyed. Don't worry, I GOT THIS. OW! In the fires of Mount Doom. I just don't get it. Why can't we fire this bad boy up and use it against Sauron? Boom. Head shot. Okay, so think of Sauron like this Atari. Now, if we destroy this copy of *E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial*, we might think it's gone forever. But... but Atari still has the source code, right? But if we destroy the source code, the existing copies could be buried in a landfill and they eventually go bad from corrosion. Exactly. Destroy the source code, destroy Sauron. Great. So, how do we destroy this source code ring? It's not like we can just hop on our skateboards and shred into Mordor. Hang on, though. If we gave the ring to someone small enough, Sauron wouldn't expect it. And we could chuck it right into the fire while he's busy tripping over Amina's Tith. And then, no more E.T. It sounds crazy, but it just might work. Guys, I'm gay."

Up next, worst fight choreography. The winners are G20 and *Nobody 2* because both movies feature many of the exact same played-out action beats. G20 portrays a 60-year-old Viola Davis ragdolling Chads and Chad Alphas over the course of her girl boss killing spree. *Nobody 2* contains trophy fight choreography which goes through the motions in set pieces you've seen a million times. Also, Bob Odenkirk isn't an action star. It was a fun one-and-done when he played against type in *Nobody*. But seeing him try the exact same thing again in *Nobody 2*: "Bored suburban dad explodes into action against the expectations of everyone around him" was yawn. The meta of *Nobody* and *Nobody 2* is best summed up by these two scenes from *The Simpsons*.

"I am waiting for a pool."

"I didn't do it. I didn't do it. I didn't do it."

Worst animation usually goes to a vote, but since I am probably the only person on the planet who has seen the three main contenders in this category, I am the only qualified voter. The winners are *Ilio*, an allegory for the abduction. And yes, really. *Ilio* is Na's fantasy fulfillment. See my worst movies of 2025 video for details. Our second winner is *Tomb Raider: The Adventure of Lara Croft*. Season 2, episode 5 of *The Legend of Lara Croft* is a heist. In it, Lara infiltrates a high-society masquerade. 8 minutes in, I realize I have no idea what the object of this heist is. 15 minutes in and I still have no idea what Lara is doing here with her diverse crew of gay black men, body-positive slobs, and lesbian girl bosses. Side shave barks in order at Chad. Emotionally incontinent gay black man number two breaks down crying. I stop watching. Our final winner is *The Smurfs Movie*. Stationary backgrounds, animation drawn on real-life scenes in a cynical excuse to lower production costs. *Who Framed Roger Rabbit*? This ain't. The music is audio vomit that never matches the aesthetic or rhythm of the visuals.

"What's happening?"

"This might be the worst soundtrack of the year. In fact, [ __ ] it. Yeah. *Smurfs* wins worst soundtrack." It didn't make it much farther than the 20-minute mark on *Smurfs*. *Smurfs* is the kind of [ __ ] that would have you calling The Pirate Bay to demand a refund.

Worst line of dialogue comes from queer director Luca Guadagnino's box office catastrophe *After the Hunt*. For context, Bro tells Julia Roberts that the main reason she's about to get tenured is because she's a woman working at a college in thrall to the DEI scourge. She responds with this grotesque assemblage of autofilatory bollocks.

"So let me get this straight. What you're saying is that even despite many professional accolades I have accrued over the years in a deeply misogynistic environment. Even despite coming back after a protracted absence only to affirm my singular position as a woman in the field. My prospective tenure couldn't possibly be earned because its awarding happens to coincide with higher education's sudden subservience to inclusivity. Did I get that right?"

This line takes 40 seconds to speak. It contains 14 phrases and expresses 20 ideas. It is exactly the kind of hyper-stylized obfuscationary wank that an ivory tower box ticker would come out with. Julia Roberts refutes Bro's argument while simultaneously demonstrating its validity. Julia Roberts' feal torrent of academia speak is best summed up by this quote from a writer who was capable of forming a coherent sentence: "Some ideas are so stupid that only intellectuals believe them."

Best couple was a tough category to judge. Anthony Joshua's right hand and Jake Paul's jaw made for a superb coupling. Unfortunately, even Anthony Joshua's right hand wasn't able to get this stain on the internet to shut up for 5 minutes.

"I'm a little [ __ ] up, but will you take care of me forever and ever?"

Sydney Sweeney's breasts were also in strong contention for best couple. And I know what you're thinking. How could those breasts not win this award? Bro, what is wrong with you? I understand. But when we unveil this year's winner of best couple, all will become clear. The winner of best couple is Ian Watkins and Prison Shank. A source said Watkins was killed in the most brutal way possible and the attack was shocking. They added that the attacker went for his jugular in a pre-planned attack. And in recognition of her services to humanity, I dub this prison shank Lady Prison Shank. Go forth, Lady Prison Shank, and bring hope where before there was only despair.

"Everybody [ __ ] playing with me and [ __ ]. I'm always playing and [ __ ]. Only [ __ ] and [ __ ]. Not no [ __ ] [ __ ] bro. Real [ __ ]."

Best karma goes to the T app leak. The T app allows anonymous, unverified doxing and defamation of men. Women used the app to share the private information of and take revenge against men they had dated or claimed to have dated or got rejected by. The app was hacked and its data was released to the internet for all to see. The bitter women who signed up to the Tea app to anonymously critique docs and rate men were required to verify their accounts with pictures of their driver's licenses. As a result of the hack, these women's driver's licenses, locations, and critiques were leaked online.

In the aftermath, a game was created featuring public rankings designed to mock the former wannabe doers.

Unsurprisingly, the women all look like a sack of [ __ ] that sprouted a wig. The greatest instance of poetic justice since Nero, the emperor obsessed with public agitation, committed suicide alone, abandoned by all, attended only by the slave that plunged the dagger into his neck. Nero's last words were "Qualis artifex pereo," "What an artist dies in me." Actually, his last words were, "Too late. This is fidelity," spoken to the Roman cavalryman who found him bleeding to death. But the first quote is more dramatic. And on the topic of both high art and fidelity, our next category is best [ __ ].

Best [ __ ] was a challenging judgment with some stiff competition. Despite really sinking his teeth into the role, Daniel Craig couldn't quite pull this one off. Indeed, some of Daniel's detractors gave him a mouthful, saying his [ __ ] scene in *Queer* downright sucked. But the death spot acknowledges the effort, even if the end result fell flaccid. Daniel could go down as a result of this loss, but instead the man has decided to suck it up. In the finest tradition of the MTV Awards, Daniel has agreed to come on stage for a reenactment of the [ __ ] come kiss. Come on up here, Daniel. While Daniel is getting ready for his reenactment, we will announce the winner this year.

Best [ __ ] goes to Joey Swall. Joey wore a Hulk Hogan t-shirt in the gym as a tribute to the great man after the Hulkster's death, as he was Joey's childhood hero. The woke cancel mob showed up demanding an apology from Joey on the basis that Hulk Hogan had committed some infraction in the past that went against the dogma of their ideology. Instead of telling these freaks to go [ __ ] a wood chipper, Joey immediately got down on his knees and gave the mob a [ __ ] so lethal that it not only left the obese purple herd activists drained of their [ __ ], it left Joey drained of his integrity, though it did cover his protein intake requirements for the next decade.

"I owe my followers, my community, and all of social media an apology. A few days ago, I reposted an old video of me in the gym wearing a Hulk Hogan Halloween costume on the day that he passed. Last night in my live stream, a lot of people expressed how upset and frustrated they were with me that I had posted that. So, because of that, I have taken the videos down and I apologize to anybody that I offended. I am sorry. Also, during last night's live stream, I used the word 'colored' instead of saying 'person of color,' which is a very outdated, very offensive."

"Rest in peace, Hulkster. And if the council mobsters want to come after the death spotster to demand an apology for wishing peace upon the Hulster, well, consider this my apology. Well, they had they said I had to take a steamer before I get out of here. So, I just unleashed a major toxic."

Now, back to Daniel to present the reenactment. Please welcome new Despot team member Magnus Carlson.

"That is dirty. Wow. Okay, I resign. Thank you, Magnus, for your understandably brief work for the channel. You will be missed."

This year's best Despot team member is another triple recipient. No, I'm not talking about Davis. The first recipient, the Despot's graphic designer, Pixel Phantom. Pixel designed psychopath Karen iPhone, several Despot skins, this year's worst of woke statue, yet, and the beautiful work of art I am presently attired in. Thank you, Pixel. Your work is much appreciated. The second recipient is my merch designer Joshua, whose magnum opus, the iconic "Bring Back the Winona Cut" T-shirt, is available now at the Despot of Antrum Teespring store. Thank you, Joshua. The final recipient of this award is Scott. Now, Scott's ability to physically receive this award will depend on the outcome of his trial. In a recent investigation, revelations came to light that Scott had been playing the *Grand Theft Auto* trilogy while employed by this channel.

"But glorious, all-knowing, benevolent, and enlightened death spot, you protest. Those games crush. I replay them every year or two. What's the problem?"

Well, dear subject, but...

"Scott was playing the definitive editions on his mobile phone."

"I just need one more chance. I would do it again, please."

Despite the severity of Scott's crime, the magnanimous death spot grants him not one but two opportunities for salvation. If the death spot can successfully complete a rampage in *Vice City*, Scott is granted amnesty. If not, he will face Noob Saibot in a trial by combat.

"Give me an ID before the first."

The choice was yours. Brutality. Noob. Cybot wins. Flawless victory.

Our next award is worst company. Usually this is a voting category, but no matter who the competition is, Disney always wins. And there is another company that really deserves to win this year. So I have placed this category under my Imperium. Our first winner, their fourth win in a row in this category, Disney. We'll be here all day if I give a detailed explanation of Disney's crimes. So let's just keep this summary: *Predator: Badlands*. The Predator is taken on an emotional journey by a female android over the course of which he confronts his trauma, deals with his daddy issues, and learns to embrace the power of friendship. *Alien: Earth*. The Xenomorph is a little girl's puppy. Now, *Ilio*, an atrociously animated allegory for peace. *Captain Cape* [ __ ] *Brave New Slop*. *Ironheart*, the *Lilo and Stitch* live-action abomination. *Elemental*. Yes, that's a Disney production, financed through Disney-owned studio 20th Television. And of course, *Snow White and the Seven CGI Abominations*.

The other winner of worst company this year is Nintendo. Nintendo are now being referred to by gamers as the "Disney of gaming." Nintendo ruthlessly polices and shuts down fan mods. *Pokemon Uranium*, *Ocarina of Time 2D*, and *Super Mario 64 HD* were all shut down by Nintendo. All of these mods were nonprofit, fan-made passion projects. Nintendo patents video game mechanics. If you create an indie video game in which the player runs into a battle, the screen changes focus to a battle scene, and the player summons an object to fight that battle via a user interface, well, lawyer up, [ __ ], because you have just stolen Nintendo's intellectual property. And that absurd patent is just one example of many. Nintendo issues punitive copyright strikes to channels that showcase emulation games. Nintendo are now charging $80 for games. That's a hefty sack of rupees. Nintendo, this better be the greatest game ever made.

"*Mario Kart World* for the Nintendo Switch 2 is just not good. It's just not good."

They also charge full price for old games. And if you, like me, have no interest in playing Nintendo's AAA slop and just want to play old N64 and GameCube games, then bad news. You can't buy them. To play those games, you'll have to get the $50 annual subscription to Nintendo Online, where you can access Nintendo's [ __ ] ports of three-decade-old games. You'll own nothing. You'll be [ __ ] miserable, and you'll pay for it. The Switch 2 costs $500 without any games.

The runner-up for worst company is Netflix. *Electric State* was a $320 million bridge to an abyss. *Back into Action* was pure Netflix: an instantly forgettable tropathon, actors on autopilot, trite action scenes, a sequence of dramatic beats more predictable than the race of a violent criminal the police refused to release any information about. *Squid Game* season 3 wasn't just bad, it was disgusting. A merry-go-round filler subplot in which officer thirst trap chases his tail around the ocean for the entire [ __ ] season, only reaching the island 5 minutes before it explodes. An uncanny valley CGI baby in place of an actual character. Netflix realized that *Squid Game* was dead by the end of season 3 and insisted on a cliffhanger ending that threatens a reboot of the franchise based in America, which I'm sure won't be a DEI-ridden mess filled with tedious race sermons. *Stranger Things 5* will go down as a catastrophe on par with *Game of Thrones* season 8. If bloat was gang-raped in a greenhouse by trope lame and gay and became pregnant as a result, it would give birth to *Stranger Things* season 5.

Warner are also runner-up. *The Last of Us* by itself would have been sufficient to secure them a worst company nomination, but the fact that their gross mismanagement has led to their purchase by Netflix demands that they be spotlighted for their crimes. Now, going through the decade of mistakes that led Warner to this miserable end would be time-consuming. So instead, we have prepared a one-minute presentation which we feel sums up Warner's collapse fairly well. Karen iPhone, roll it.

"Warner, stop. Don't jump. There's no modern audience down there. The modern audience isn't real, BRO. Come back to us."

"It is real. And when I reach it, all I touch will turn to gold. And we will reshape mankind in our image. You just have to believe. Oh, hi Mark."

And now, the death spot's tribute awarded to greats who have died over the past year. Val Kilmer.

"That's what I love about Wyatt. He can talk himself into anything. Oh, Johnny, I apologize. I forgot you were there. You may go now."

Robert Redford.

"Stick around here a little."

"Excuse me. Excuse me."

"Would you mind lending me your wife? Is that your wife?"

"Excuse me."

"For luck."

Jean Hackman.

"I don't deserve this. To die like this. I was building a house. Deserves got nothing to do with it."

"I'll see you in hell with your money."

Hulk Hogan. Catherine O'Hara.

"Just stay up there. I don't want to see you again for the rest of the night."

"I didn't want to see you again for the rest of my whole life. And I didn't want to see anybody else either."

"I hope you don't mean that."

"You'd feel pretty sad if you woke up tomorrow morning and you didn't have a family."

We now return to the voting categories to present the most prestigious of this year's accolades, most damaged franchise. Our nominees are Star Trek. Star Trek has been a dead franchise for a while now, but the shockingly low quality of *Star Trek: Section 31* finally clued normies into just how broken the franchise has become. I had *Section 31* as my fourth worst movie of 2025. See my worst movies of 2025 video for details. Apparently, there was also a show called *Star Trek: Strange New Worlds*, which was bollocks. The first trailer for *Starfleet Academy* aggressively pushed the Gen Zification of Star Trek. It currently has an 84% dislike ratio. The follow-up trailer features two morbidly obese bridge officers as well as the now-standard female commander. Understandable, given women's well-documented piloting process. It has an 89% dislike ratio. The demise of Star Trek is now so blindingly obvious that the Hollywood Reporter singled Star Trek out as one of the big losers of 2025. Alex Kurtzman is the Kathleen Kennedy of Star Trek, a retroviral parasite that has annihilated its host.

Our next nominee, Marvel. *Captain America: Brave New World* by itself would have sufficed to get Marvel a nomination in this category. The movie's only rival to the title of worst Marvel movie is *The Marvels*. *Brave New Slop* is arguably the worst movie of 2025, and it tanked harder than a Panzer unit on day one of Barbarossa. *Thunderbolts* was also ass, a trite, badly paced bore that demands the audience invest in the emotional journey of an assassin for hire who murders lab geeks and blows up cleaning ladies. That rubbish also bombed at the box office. The Marvel shilldom clung to the delusion that *Thunderbolts* is an allegorical masterpiece because mat trauma and hoofed that copium down until the release of the next Marvel slop, *Fantastic 4*, which they acclaimed as the best Marvel movie since the last Marvel movie. *Fantastic 4* flopped and was forgotten about, then flopped again on Disney Plus. Then *Ironheart* arrived to remind everyone why Riri Williams immediately became the most despised Marvel character following her introduction in *Wakanda Forever*. *Ironheart* was so obviously [ __ ] that Marvel refused to release it for almost 3 years, but decided that they had better get it over with so audiences could forget it existed before the promotion for *Avengers Doomsday* started. One year, four flops, massive brand damage. Marvel couldn't have had a worse lead-up to *Avengers Doomsday* if they tried.

Our next nominee, the *Alien* franchise. All right, let's skip the facehugger foreplay and get straight to the chest burst. *Alien: Earth* was one of the dumbest [ __ ] shows ever made. It features a group of terminally ill children who don't go insane after their minds are uploaded into adult cyborg bodies. A young tech genius who is supposed to be the smartest man in the world, but who is stupid enough to task his squad of child cyborgs with securing a crashed spaceship carrying a cargo of immeasurable value. The Wayland-Yutani Corporation allows their spaceship crew to play around with the captured alien species on the trip back to Earth instead of ordering them stored in a dedicated freezer off-limits to the crew. The crew of the crashed vessel include a scientist who eats her lunch next to alien creatures which she herself has classed as biohazards. The Xenomorph can wipe out a dozen people in a few seconds one minute and clumsily struggles to catch the most basic prey a minute later, depending on what the script requires at any moment. But *Alien: Earth*'s most severe problem is that it is consciousness-slaughteringly boring. This show could put an insomniac on an ecstasy binge into a coma. Every episode features long, drawn-out scenes of vapid characters sitting around having pseudo-philosophical conversations. I genuinely struggled to stay awake during what was supposed to be the finale. Child synths discussing the nature of life and death in a holding cell is not a good time. Here is an image of an elite special forces team in *Alien: Earth*. And of course, the show contains an ingredient now expected in any Disney Plus slop filler. So much filler. One scene lingers on Stringy Nerd while he has a flashback to reading a letter. Here's a quick men's fashion tip: a hairstyle is out of fashion when it has been embraced by teenage boys. Think Jaden Smith killing the Killmonger. The alpaca or bird's nest is the most recent example of this. And here's a quick writing tip: when a trope appears multiple times in the same year in Disney content, that trope is played out. Both *Alien: Earth* and *Tron: Ares* feature the genius young male CEO with no moral compass and a devil-may-care attitude. These two characters aren't just similar. They are the same character. *Alien: Earth*'s genius CEO relates the story of how he created a synthetic when he was 6 years old and programmed that synthetic to kill his own father. My son is five. Here is a paper Christmas nutcracker that he created. It's an impressive creation for a 5-year-old. 6-year-olds are not capable of building murderbots, even very bright six-year-olds. And don't tell me that's a skill issue, bro. The boy genius is the smartest man on the planet, but he swaggers into a cell full of child synthetics with only one guard as protection against these hybrid super beings, which leads to the child synthetics' escape. Anyway, more pseudo-philosophical wank.

"And I can't be what everyone wants me to be."

*Alien: Earth* is a stupid person's idea of a smart show. The finale ends with the Xenomorph being turned into a little girl's pet. Disney. The *Alien* franchise is now just another Disneyfied husk.

Our final nominee, the *Predator* franchise. *Predator: Badlands* was both heartwarming and snuggly. My favorite part of *Predator: Badlands* was when the Predator, the insufferable android Thea, and Grou sat down for an emotionally devastating fireside wellness session. So emotional, so devastating. My other favorite part was when Predator accepted Grou into his heart as a member of his found family. So *Guardians*, so *Galaxy*. My other favorite part was when Thea wouldn't shut the [ __ ] up the whole time and lots of stuff blew up and there was lots of yapping and more yapping and yapping while [ __ ] was blowing up. So JJ, so Abrams, so Disney.

The winner of most damaged franchise is Marvel.

Our next category is worst character. The nominees are Riri Williams, an entitled narcissistic [ __ ] who poses around with the try-hard fake swagger of a black teenage boy, a college dropout who was expelled for plagiarism. She steals the Iron Man suit from her college, joins a criminal gang for money to build a better suit, and participates in robberies which involve the maiming and murder of working stiffs. But it's okay because she's a strong, empowered black woman. And when a strong, empowered black woman commits atrocities against her own community for money...

"That means that it is not illegal."

Riri Williams is a rank smorgasbord of horrible character traits: narcissistic, unethical, immoral, hypocritical, butch, angry, impatient, performative, entitled. She is the apotheosis of the woke character. A strong, empowered black girl boss science genius designed to take the place of a white male character. Unapologetic, unaccountable, and undeniable.

"Personally, I find the most insufferable aspect of Riri Williams' character to be her use of performative ebonics. This auditory diarrhea makes my ears bleed."

"They know everything about me. About ma z."

"We know you're black, Riri. Y'all don't need to talk like a 5-year-old just so we up on yo representing not a hood girl."

"I don't want out here all day taking a chance. Right. I'm saying police roll up into this [ __ ]. It ain't going to be you to catch no charge."

In her introduction in *Wakanda Forever*, Riri's first major action was to blow up...

A police roadblock. Hey, no worry. I got a special delivery for y'all in 3, 2, 1 >> Because hating police was cool back then. So, it was okay to murder them. Her rampage of destruction continues in Iron Hart. I won't lie, I gave up on Iron Hart somewhere in episode 3. If I had to listen to Riri's fake ass black scent one more time, I was going to show up to work the next day with a Benelli M1 Riot 12 gauge semi-automatic shotgun and go on a killing spree. And I didn't want to do that, so I stopped watching Iron Hart.

Our next nominee, The Doctor. We were all done with Shooty Gatwa's sparkly, emotionally incontinent theater kid Energizer Bunny take on The Doctor over a year ago. This turd is long since flushed. Best to let it rot in the sewer of forgotten cultural waste where it belongs.

Moving on, Ally, >> we don't talk about that. >> I got bit. Everybody, >> I got bit. >> HEY, HEY, HEY. >> I'M IMMUNE. >> The winner of worst character is the >> Oh my god. Are you going to [ __ ] tell me? >> Yes. Allie, please don't interrupt me again. This is my award show. No, it isn't. You don't own it. They gave it to you. Sorry to us. You don't own anything. >> Ally, stop talking so I can announce the winner of this category that tens of thousands of people took the time to vote in. This isn't about us. It's about the channel community. >> [ __ ] THE COMMUNITY. All you do is talk about the [ __ ] community, you hypocrite. You think you're good and I'm bad. The winner of worst character is the undeniable Riri Williams. >> Undeniable. >> Congratulations, Riri. You won. >> I did that right.

Our next category is worst performance in a male role. The nominees are Mark Ruffalo performing as Orange Man Bad in Mickey 17. Once we've arrived at Nippleheim and we've secured our food production, we will launch the greatest sex encouragement campaign in history. >> Shy Gatwa performing as himself in Doctor Who. >> I was there in '74 when Aba won. Olivia Newton John came forth. Absolute scenes. Absolute scenes. >> Andrew Tate performing as boxer in [ __ ] fight with some guy who I assume is a thing in some godforsaken corner of the internet. in his arms. The fatigue is built up. The pop is gone from his punches and he eats a clean uppercut. And another and another. HE MIGHT BE DONE. >> Ice Cube performing as himself in War of the Worlds. >> Defeats are unpredictable, but casualties are certain. >> Got him. Got him. >> Ice Cube's performance was a meme masterpiece. I look forward to the day I attend a 10th anniversary screening of War of the Worlds and laugh as those around me shout out, "It's you." >> "It's you." >> Yeah. As far as I am aware, the only people who think Andrew Tate is still a thing are the feminist tyrants that rule the UK with an iron gavvel and who plan to launch a campaign of psychological torture against white British school boys in an effort to prevent third world migrants from sexually assaulting British women. If Andrew Tate had a modicum of fighting ability for every metric ton of shite he has talked about how hard he is, he would be a super saiyan. His fight with that guy was embarrassing. Stick to selling online snake oil subscriptions to pathetic men looking for a free pass to an easy life. You bloating pawns.

The winner of worst performance in a male role is Shy Gatwa. One of the biggest upsets of the 2025 Worst of Vocs was Shy Gatwa losing worst actor to P. Diddy. To this day, many in Hollywood continue to assert that Shy was robbed. Let it not be said that the despot's magnanimous subjects are unable to remedy past mistakes. Shy, congratulations on finally receiving the recognition you deserve for the absolute [ __ ] cancer that was your performance as the Doctor. The flouncing around, the constant crying, the emotional incontinence, the relentless loudness of the performance, the gay, the ceaseless always turned up to 11 gay. You never made any attempt to inhabit the character. You simply imposed yourself onto the character. The opposite of what an actor is supposed to do. This is a long overdue win for a particularly rancid little fart who emerged from the ars of woke as the era was drawing to a close and has since been blown away by the winds of change.

Our next category, worst performance in a female role. The nominees are Sharon Stone performing as the villain in Nobody Too. >> [ __ ] Family Vacation. Does nobody play by the rules anymore? Jesus [ __ ] Christ. >> Sharon Stone gave an excruciatingly loud performance in Nobody Too that had all the subtlety of a Somalian tax fraud scam. Her performance was so dreadful that I couldn't tell if she was phoning it in or acting her ass off in a sad attempt to remind the world that she still exists. Sharon Stone can at least take some consolation from the fact that no one saw her woeful clown around. Nobody 2 was the most unasked for sequel of the year. It bombed so hard that it was available for digital download 18 days after its theater debut.

We have a very special guest to present our next nominee for worst actress. Please welcome Morgan Freeman. >> I won 30 wise man. >> Oh my god. Are you going to [ __ ] tell me? Sorry. I was in the moment. >> A second. You can't >> I'm immune. >> I made you talk.

Our next nominee, Kim Kardashian performing as herself in All's Fur. All's Fur is consumer pornography for middle-aged wine, a corporate feminist fantasy written for brain deadad women by gay men. Kim Kardashian was abysmal in it. She cannot act. She has the expressive range of a boulder. Now, let's move on so I can never think about this bollock again.

Our final nominee, Gal Gadot, performing as the smoking hot dominatrix in Snow White. Go on, speak to your people. >> Your subjects await you, Snow White. Your pies and your wise words. What will you tell them? >> Gal Gadot, as an angry leatherbound prostitute, stands alongside Bill Scarsgard as Rent Boy in The Crow 2024 in the pantheon of unintentionally hilarious acting performances. >> I suck dick for money. What did you say?

The winner of worst performance in a female role is Bella Ramsey. Bella, I would invite you to the stage, but I don't think I can suffer another display of you vaunting your mental health issues as a flex. >> This is so scary. My autism does not do well with this. Call me old-fashioned, but that is a Gen Z behavior that I find particularly insufferable.

Our next category, worst director. The nominees are for Stranger Things, the Duffer brothers. Okay, Karen iPhone, we've held back on Stranger Things long enough. Roll the intro. >> What the [ __ ] is this piece of [ __ ] Welcome to the Despot Rants about Stranger Things minis segment. Dear Christ, this season of television was a disaster. Here is a single image that sums up Stranger Things biggest problem. Bloat. Too many characters. Far too many. Too much plot because these characters need to be given busy work to justify their presence. There's a subplot involving the little black girl, a science teacher, and the smuggler trying to contact some of the gang who are presently in the upside down. who curves if these three tertiary characters are clued into the present location of more important characters. This is shameless unadulterated filler. Winona Ryder spends half the season sitting in front of a radio set and the other half inquiring after the whereabouts of whoever happens to be missing at the time. Any scene involving Will speaking at length is pure anesthesia. There are countless plans positioned past the parcel dialogue scenes in which a plan that could be explained clearly in a few seconds by one character is instead stretched over minutes across many characters and filled with pop culture references and clunky metaphors, which is supposed to make the plan easier for the viewer to understand, but instead makes it incomprehensible. Here is what planning scenes used to look like. If we plant a virus into that mother ship, it's going to then filter down into all the corresponding ships below. >> Now, let's update that scene for a Netflix audience using the Duffer Brothers method of writing. All right, so we got to go full smackdown on this whole Alien Invasion thing. So, how do we do that? Okay, so we're going to create a digital signal chain to reroute the backup RAM from the external hard drive through the hybrid aliencraft motherboard until Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down, point Dexter. We didn't all get an A in Mrs. Abbott's physics class. She taught biology. Steven's taught physics. Whatever teacher's pet, just try explaining the plan in English. Okay. Well, imagine this spaceship is Shooty Gotwa. Bro, nobody's heard of him. My mom's heard of him. Your mom reads TV guy during her lunch break. So So can we please get back to the plan? Right. Right. Shooty played the doctor in Doctor Who right before the show got [ __ ] cans. His performance was widely regarded as the worst ever iteration of The Doctor. And your point is what exactly? Not what? Why? Why? What? Why was he so terrible in the role? Because he was a self-insert. Exactly. Shooty destroyed the role by inserting himself into it. So all we have to do is is insert alien technology into itself as a means of as a means of uploading the kill code. And then boom, no more space bad guys. It's crazy. It's mod. But it might just work. There's just one problem. What? We'll need snack. >> I suck dick for money. >> In the last episode, several scenes feature roundt reaction shots in which a big thing happens and the camera has to hold on the reaction of every single character in the scene in turn for several seconds. And it's so bad. It's tryh hard. It crers the pacing and bloat the runtime and looks dreadful. The exact same visual beat repeated eight [ __ ] times in a row. So, it turns out this entire nightmare has been orchestrated by a giant spider monster that lives on another planet that wants to collide its planet with Earth via the upside down wormhole. But wait, why? This spider monster is formidable enough to form an interdimensional wormhole and communicate telepathically through the wormhole. But he stands no chance against a 4'7, 13-lb girl boss and her gang of high schoolers using improvised weapons. Not a single character of any significance dies. The plot armor is thicker than Millie Bobby Brown's lips. The show's refusal to kill characters off leads to images like this. A room full of characters, literally full of characters, half of whom have no business being there. This image should be the cover of the cast bloat section of any filmmaking 101 guide. Stranger Things 5 is delued with emotion tennis. >> I don't want to talk to you anymore. Good. I want to talk to you either. Good, good, good. >> These scenes are littered through the entire season like putrifying corpses on the fields of Canai. Here is the single worst example of emotion tennis. >> You know what he told me? He wants six kids. >> Six kids. >> Six. >> I have screwed up enough with you, Nancy Wheeler. Will you not marry me? I love you. >> I love you, Jonathan Buyers. >> Rambo. Nancy and her simp stopping to have a cute face up obsession in the moments before death. Yeah, because this is how people behave when in mortal peril. You know what we should do? We should update Star Wars for a Netflix audience with some emotion tennis. Car and iPhone roll that [ __ ] >> Don't just stand there and try and brace it with something. >> I spent years singing after Amelia Clark as a young man. I'm high on cocaine right now and me and Harrison are having an affair. >> I'm gay. This was funny when Cameron Crow did it 500 years ago in Almost Famous Clip. >> Maybe I never said this enough. I love all of you. Look, I love you all, too. You're like family to me. >> And the show repeats this exact same mistake 20 minutes later. >> For the record, that wasn't lying about that. And if by some miracle we survive this, I'm going to take you there. After murdering countless US Army soldiers and being captured and identified by the US military, Hopper returns to his job as a cop and marries Winona Ryder. Bring back the Winona cut. As a child, Will was tormented by a demon who forced a phallic tube into Will's mouth. Will grows up to be gay. He stops everyone from preparing for a battle for the fate of mankind to reveal his preference for men. And of course, the world is saved by the power of the gay. Dad does not hesitate to take on a demogorgon and almost gets killed in the process. Mom does the same. She gets to be a hero in the show. He gets tossed in the corner like a sack of [ __ ] and forgotten about. We feel your playing brother for it is the fate of men to suffer in silence while they carry the world on their shoulders. Why is Robin still here? She should have been Vakna's first victim in season 5. She is so obviously a bloat character. A demigorgan is badly wounded by a drunk mom with a wine bottle, but just shakes off a heel of 50 caliber automatic fire unleashed by professional soldiers at point blank range. Stranger Things 5 was dreadful. It wasn't mid. It wasn't patchy. It was [ __ ] garbage.

Our next nominee, Julius Ona for Captain America: Brave New World. Ona was cast as the director for this heap of shite because he's black. And under the identity first hiring principles of Disney, only a black man can tell a black story, which is what Captain Cape [ __ ] was originally intended to be, a hateful racism sermon. >> Those stars and stripes don't mean nothing good to me. You understand? Every black man does. If you ain't bitter, you're blind. >> Prior to Captain Cape [ __ ], Ona had directed three movies, two tiny budget indie movies, and The Cloverfield Paradox. The result of hiring an unqualified director to helm a $300 million Marvel production was a universally panned box office bomb. The exact same result that Disney got the last time they hired an unqualified director to helm a 300 million Marvel production. That movie was called The Marbvels. Captain Cape [ __ ] features atrocious editing, CGI that sank Marvel's visuals to a new low, junk grade cinematography, trit fight choreography, awful casting, poor pacing, absolutely incomprehensible plot.

Our next nominee for worst director, James Cameron for Avatar Fire and Ash. Every single scene in this movie that features Jake Sully's son as the lead should have been cut. The stupid bloody wheel subplot that was recycled from the last movie should have been cut. Jake is captured twice and escapes twice. Humans are genius enough to travel from Earth to a new planet. They just can't keep this blue ape from running off. Introducing Evil Na'vi was the only good aspect of the movie, but it was puddled deep. Cororic hooks up with a crazy witch lady who commands a small band of mindless followers. I thought I was going to see a full-on Na'vi civil war, and instead I got Bonnie and Clyde go to Pandora. I don't know why this wee guy who plays Spider was cast. He can't act. He was atrocious in the last movie. He was atrocious in this. He should have been dispensed with as quickly as possible in Fire and Ash. Instead, he's given an absurd amount of screen time. Sigourney Weaver's daughter wanders around aimlessly looking sad the entire movie, then enters the activate Pandora cheat code. The movie would have been better off without her. The climactic battle follows the exact same series of dramatic beats as the first movie. The humans all make the same mistakes because they're brainless morons despite being an interstellar civilization. The good guys lose again. The bad guys win again. And of course, the movie made $743 trillion at the box office because of course it did.

Our final nominee, Bong Junho for Mickey 17. A man is cloned and his clones are used as disposable tools by an evil, greedy space corporation. But following a work accident, the clone is thought dead. So, a new clone is printed, but the original clone is not dead and returns to base where he discovers the new clone, who has a surprisingly different personality to him. The two clones find themselves forced to work together to confront a mutual threat. A brilliant allegory that delivers a devastating critique of corporate greed, worker abuse, and the unknowable nature of man. But that's enough about Moon, the 2009 masterpiece directed by Duncan Jones and starring Sam Rockwell. Let's talk about Mickey 17. Uh, it's shite. Orange man bad. A plot that makes no sense, but it doesn't matter because my themes. Mark Ruffalo delivering a career low performance. White man bad. Colonialism bad. If only New Zealand had been left in the hands of a people that exterminated the Morori tribe, it wouldn't be the [ __ ] hole it is today. The aliens are actually good and it is actually the humans who are the evil ones. Yes, we got that trope from Avatar 15 years ago. Thanks. And we hated it then, too. Much of the first act is completely redundant and features redundant voiceover narration to explain what is happening in real time. The world building is total trash. The colonists can print clones, but they can't print food. They plan to set up a colony on a featureless ice plateau with no resources. The aliens are apparently highly intelligent, but live in caves like animals. They have no artificial structures and have yet to discover technology. Australian Aboriginals didn't exactly reach the heights of Rome in their civilizational output, but they did at least invent a stick, a technological milestone the aliens in Mickey 17 did not reach. When it's not outright plagiarizing better movies, Mickey 17 is recycling saggy ass old tropes that have been done to death. This movie's idea of humor is a decade out ofdate SNL skit. Mickey 17 finally exposed Bong Jun Ho as the overrated one-trick hack that he is. His trick is good cinematography plus overstated themes equals masterpiece in case you were wondering.

The winner of worst director is Julius Ona. We now move on to worst writing. The nominees are Iron Hart >> Z >> The Last of Us. >> I know your orders. I gave them >> The Witcher. Here is a list of quotes from The Witcher showrunner Lauren Schmidt Hizwrick. No one's taking the books away. No one's taking the video games away. Everyone can have their version of The Witcher. People often ask me if fantasy is about escapism. And I personally don't think it is. One of the most fun things about The Witcher is that it reflects on our real world in big thematic ways, in political ways, and in cultural ways. I didn't have a lot of experience with adult fantasy and that's sort of what intersected me and the Witcher. We could examine the failures of the Wheel of Time, I mean of the Witcher in more detail or >> our next nominee, Alien Earth. The xenomorph is a puppy now because Disney. Avatar: Fire and Ash, a movie which cannibalizes the previous two entries in the franchise, doubles down on the mistakes of the previous movie, and triples down on the mistakes from the first movie. Vast amounts of bloat and utterly pointless subplots. Avatar 3 is a writing disaster from a director who hasn't heard the word no in 20 years. Our final nominee, Stranger Things. >> I don't like girls. The winner of worst writing is >> I'm gonna be a dad. Heat. Heat.

Our penultimate category is worst series. The nominees are Iron Hart. Deep in the land of Disney, in the fires of DEI, the dark lord Feige forged a master villain. And into this villain, he poured cruelty, malice, and the will to >> build something undeniable. >> The Last of Us, gay flags after the apocalypse, two near identical protagonists, a gay kiss, a gay finger banging session, a plot with more holes than a PD orgy. Every faction is led by a woman. Hammy open borders propaganda messaging a forced romance. Ellie being an insufferable wanker for 6 and 12 hours. >> I don't need your [ __ ] help. >> The Last of Us season 2 was good for one thing. It proved that the gamers were right. The Wheel of Time. >> On your knees, mother. >> The Witcher. >> The Brotherhood gone. >> Doctor Who. >> This has been An absolute joy. >> Alien Earth. >> Look, I don't know how things are done here in Bureaucracyville, but our final nominee of many Stranger Things, a show so bad that it generated Conformity Gate, an online theory that the original 40-minute ending was a fake vision created by a triumphant vakna, and that the true ending would soon on Netflix. Longtime fans of Stranger Things refused to believe the show could end with such a pathetic pedestrian and unsatisfying ending.

The winner of worst series is Iron Hart. At the risk of sounding somewhat self-aandising, I confess that being a despot with a significant following of loyal subjects brings one a certain level of clout and I am not above wielding this clout in the pursuit of power. So tonight I have brought a guest into the show to announce the nominees for worst movie. An artist of immense attributes, one well-endowed with the talent required to stand alongside the death spot and draw the gaze of my overwhelmingly male viewership. Karen iPhone, please introduce our guest. >> Please welcome to the stage Sydney Sweeney. Thank you. Some outcomes in life are simply inevitable. The 48th plans position scene in Stranger Things cannot but be followed shortly thereafter by the 49th plans position scene. The withering starlet usurped by younger women will complain about her usurppation, blaming whatever societal boogeyman is that season's fashionable target just as surely as the next Star Trek project will be unwatchable trash. Any man that made the mistake of marrying Kristen Kitt was always going to end up a divorce. A any IP that comes under the ownership of Disney will always end up disified. Lame gay woke slop. Otherwise, watchable TV series will be ruined by the sudden appearance of two men kissing semen into each other's mouths. Every year, we'll bring new hostage videos in which whimpering influencers apologize to an insatiable crowd of terminally online losers who cope with the pathetic state of their own lives by fixing the world. The current thing flag will be abandoned in favor of the new current thing flag. Modern audiences, the ones that actually exist, not the one you talk to when you are alone in your house, Disney, will roll their eyes at yet another lesbian kiss in a medieval fantasy series. Popular franchises, what few are still left, will be rammed through the Hollywood machine until they are sucked dry, lifeless shells. The value of the blockbuster will continue to diminish as yearon year Hollywood dumps a fresh heap of garbage onto a landfill site that was once a thriving verdant cultural landscape. None of this can be avoided. It is simply the timeline that we live in. What has happened to film over the past decade is nothing short of cultural genocide. And standing here tonight, I look out at the architects of that genocide.

The nominees for worst movie are Snow White and the Seven CGI Abominations, The Final Boss of Woke. Snow White is now an insufferable, power-hungry leech. The dwarfs have been exterminated and replaced with demonic CGI nightmares. Seven random diversity hires have been dumped into the movie for no identifiable reason. Communism is awesome and collective farming is the future, not the past, in which the practice resulted in the deaths of hundreds of millions of people. But on the plus side, at least they never had to watch Snow White and the seven CGI abominations. Captain America: Brave New World. The very name of this movie is a lie. It should be called Not Captain America: Tired Old Slob. Arguably the worst Marvel movie ever made. Star Trek Section 31, the latest abomination shouted out by professional parasite Alex Curtsman. Section 31 is an assault on the senses. A headache in human form squeals like a child at the slightest perceived offense. Michelle Yo shows up to prove that though she might be old, she can still collect a paycheck. The movie is a cinematographic catastrophe featuring extensive overuse of piss filter, disgusting color schemes, hideous character design, and no effort production design. If I had a dollar for every [ __ ] someone who worked on Star Trek Section 31 gave about their work on the movie, I would have zero dollars. Star Trek has become a pathetic embarrassment. The franchise needs to be taken behind a shed and put out of its misery. queer. If 20 years ago you had told me that one day I was going to watch James Bond fillet another man to the point of climax, then kiss that man's come into his mouth, I would have responded, "Why are you telling me this? I'm an 8-year-old girl." Predator Badlands. Put a chick in it. Take away her best asset." Pun intended. Put a grou in it. Make it lame and gay. Mission accomplished. Disney War of the Worlds. Trying to relate the experience of watching this movie in mere words is a futile endeavor. No one can tell you what War of the Worlds is. Like The Matrix, you have to see it for yourself. So instead, I will summarize this movie with a quote I hold close to my heart. Let's just say me and your fridge is pretty tight. Avatar of Fire and Ash. For a brief moment during the 31 hours of this movie's runtime, a flash of hope entered my heart. That the blue apes might lose. That humanity might finally bring the blue Judas to justice. That Pandora would become the salvation of man. That good would triumph over evil. Instead, I sat slumped in my chair and watched as for the third time in this franchise, the aimless savages enter the activate Pandora cheat code so that evil might win the day once more. Avatar: Fire and Ash is a rehash of plot lines and dramatic beats recycled from the first two movies. Once again, it is entirely bar of world building and character depth. I don't even care if James Cameron stays on this franchise or takes off to go do something else. The once great man is spent. To quote a movie by a director who is in danger of becoming the next James Cameron. You either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain.

The winner of worst movie is Snow White and the Seven CGI Abomination. Thank you, Sydney Sweeney. Congratulations to all of this evening's award recipients. The big winner this year was The Last of Us, which won six awards. The second biggest hall ever received by a production in a single year, surpassed only by the Acolyte. The Last of Us now stands in fourth place on the all-time WOA leaderboard with Neil Druckmann tied in fifth place. Congratulations, Neil. We look forward to seeing you again for the Heretic Profit. Bella Ramsey was expected by many in Hollywood to have a glittering accolade-filled career and their expectations have been proven fully justified. In a single year, Bella became the most awarded actor in WOA history with their four wins for worst screen couple, worst song, worst scene, and worst actress. Congratulations, Bella. And congratulations, Warner. How fitting that they should have the most awarded production in the same year they finally collapsed after over a decade of gross mismanagement. We look forward to welcoming future creations that will be spawned by a subjugated Warner laboring under the whipand of Netflix. Unsurprisingly, Disney were once again the most awarded company going home with nine accolades. This brings their all-time WOA total to 33. The biggest snubs of the night were The Witcher, The Wheel of Time, and Alien Earth. none of whom received an award. The single biggest upset was Snow White and the Seven CGI Abominations poor showing. Early prediction markets anticipated that Abominations would sweep the awards, but the 19th Disney live-action remake ended up with a measly two wins. At the risk of sounding like a character from a biopic, we are now more than halfway through the '20s. It is now 1984 >> and the cultural shift is palpable. With the exceptions of Avatar 3, Stranger Things 5, and All's Fur, everything we discussed in this evening's ceremony flopped. Audiences are exhausted with political propaganda in their entertainment. They're tired of woke, tired of slop, and tired of gay. Movies and shows might become less overtly political, but the golden age of film is gone. '90s level film quality and 2000's level show quality is never coming back. Those industries have been decimated by DEI hiring. A problem which came to mainstream attention only 2 months ago when Jacob Savage set fire to the internet with his essay, The Lost Generation. Waiting for mainstream entertainment to get good again is like waiting for the Titanic to arrive in New York. Thank you to everyone who voted in this year's awards and to you for watching. We hope you enjoyed the show. Heat up here. Heat. Heat. Heat up here.