Transcription
It took me 64 years to learn what I'm going to tell you in less than 20 minutes. Now, this isn't a clever trial. It's the absolute truth. Welcome.
My name is Pat, and if you're new here, my channel is about thriving in your 60s and beyond. And if you're coming back, thanks. Welcome back.
So, over the past 64 years, I've made mistakes. I've had my heart broken. I've lost money. I've gotten money back. I've lost people. And in all of that, I've learned who I really am. And would I love to go back and give all that I've learned another chance, but I can't. I just have to now move forward with the knowledge and keep going. Would I have loved to tell my younger self the lessons I learned? Absolutely. But you know what? I still have time to live by them. And what I want to do today is share them with you. Maybe you'll recognize some of them and maybe you've already learned. But whether you're 20 or you're 70, here's what I need to tell you. This is the raw unfiltered truth that life teaches you a lot of hard lessons that you can learn from. So, let's get into it.
The first thing I learned is nobody's coming to save you. Now, that's a really, really hard truth. But that's what it is. Nobody's coming. Not your parents, not a lottery win, not a spouse, not a relationship, not a friend, not even a lucky break. Well, maybe a lucky break, but it doesn't happen for everyone. If you want to change, you have to take responsibility brutally, painfully. There it is.
For years, anytime something happened to me, I blamed other people. If this person had done this or that person hadn't have done that, I would be farther along, much further along. But it was me. I reacted to the situations I was in, rightfully or wrongfully, and it shaped my life. Once I took the responsibility, even for things that I thought weren't my fault, things got better and I got my power back. But here's the secret no one tells you. When you own it, you can change it. You can change it all.
There were many things throughout my life that I wish I could do over, but I learned from them. And once I had those lessons, once that moment hit me that no one was coming to help, I moved forward and I got things done. And weirdly, the moment I realized that no one was coming to help me, it was the most freeing moment of all.
There's a saying, tomorrow's gone. Tomorrow's not promised. Today is your present. Every yes to something you don't want to do is a no to something you want to do. I wasted years and years pleasing people. I wanted to be liked. I did everything so that people would like me. I changed who I was so that people would like me. But here's the thing. I didn't like me. It never worked. Being a people pleaser, bending over backwards for people, it never does what you want it to do. I tried to change for a partner. They left anyways.
Here's the thing. Say no to things, distractions, things that no longer serve you. Sometimes even opportunities. If it's too good to be true, it's too good to be true. Do the things that align with you. The time will pass anyway. I used to say, "It's too late for me." Want to know when I said that? When I was 32. When I was 42. Hey, I even said it at 50. But you know what I did at 50? I said, "No, I have lots of time left. I'm not enjoying the job I'm in. I want to do something different." And I went back to school and I became a holistic nutritionist at 50. It was tough, but I did it anyways. And I'm happy I did it.
In many of the ages that I said it's too late for me, I'd kill to be that age again. 32, I could go back to university. I had the the means and the opportunity to do it, but at the time I just thought that's not for me now. By the time I finish, I'll be 36, 37, 38. Who wants to hire somebody at that age? Why would I want to start a career at that age? At 64, that would have been a really nice career at 36 or 37 or even 38. Time passes anyways. 3 years from now, it'll still be 3 years from now. Either way, you can look back and say, "I started it and I did it." Or you can say, "I wish I had." Either way, the three years will pass. So start.
I'm sure those of you my age know the song, love is a battlefield. Well, actually, love is a verb. You don't love someone because of how they make you feel. You love them because of how you treat them. Love is action. Love is action, not just words, not just butterflies.
Over the years, I've seen marriages fall apart, not from cheating, but from neglect. And my marriage was one of those. I came to be I took things for granted. I just expected that things would be there and they would always be there. And things became very stale and it just we weren't connecting anymore. And so we drifted apart. But looking back, had I just done one or two things differently, who knows? Would I have been still married? It's hard to say. But if you're engaged in the relationship, then you have no regrets. Show up, say the hard thing, give the compliment, pick up the phone. That goes for any relationship, friendships, lovers, work, but Many friendships now have fallen by the wayside because you always say to yourself, "I call all the time. I'm going to wait till they call." And they don't call. So, you have to decide, do you want to be the person that calls or do you want to be the person who waits for the call?
Money. Here it is. Money can't buy you happiness, but it can buy you options. And options give you freedom. H I chase money for status, for things to replace the love I wasn't feeling. And now I have a whole lot of stuff. >> And I wish that I had the money now. Actually, to be quite honest, I have a china cabinet full of very expensive china cuz it made me feel happy because I was chasing something. Now neither of my children want any of that. So my task over the next few years is to do the death cleaning. I think it's a Swedish death cleaning. I'm going to get rid of that product. >> They call it product. I don't call it things anymore. And hopefully I can recoup a fraction of the money that I spent on it so that it'll make it a little easier for me in my later years. None of it mattered. I wish that I had done something, taken a trip, taken a day off work, been able to afford to do an experience as opposed to just buying things.
At 64, in a job that I'm not really happy with anymore and waiting for retirement, all that money that I spent on those things would have been enabled me to walk away from that job now. Retire early. So, here's a lesson. Learn how money works. Use it as a tool. Use it to invest. But don't worship it.
Do you know that the coolest person in the room isn't loud, isn't flashy, they're quiet, they're calm, and they're grounded. I wanted to be the most popular person in the room, the coolest person in the room. And I had friends that said they knew I was coming in before they even saw me. Now I just come into a room and I'm who I am and it you know what it feels so much better. This took me decades to understand this. Real confidence is just quiet, calm, learn to be still. Breathe. Walk away from drama. Stop trying to prove yourself to people who aren't even paying attention. If you can go to bed with peace in your heart, you've already won.
Drama doesn't serve. The years that I've gotten involved in drama and it just creates more stress in your life. When I started walking away from drama, I feel so much better. My mom used to say, "If people are causing drama about other people and they're gossiping about them in front of you, when you walk away, they're doing the same thing about you. Don't get involved." You're going to die. And that's good. I know that sounds really morbid, but really, honestly, it's true. And it's really freeing. Nothing clarifies life by remembering it's terminal. Nothing clarifies life by remembering it's just temporary.
Every fight, every missed chance, every time you're too scared to say I love you, it all becomes clear when you realize your time is limited. And there's nothing like death to make you realize how fragile life is. We've recently lost a very special person in our life and it's hit home all of those things that were unsaid and the things we will no longer have with that person. So create your memories now. Don't wait. You get one shot at this and that's not sad. It's actually very liberating. So don't just exist. Live. Live like your life depends on it because it does. Make the damn call. Take the trip. Forget the grievances. Don't hold on to getting revenge. Forgive the grudge.
Before I go, here's 10 more things that I want to give to you. If they wanted to, they would. Jealousy is a mirror. Everyone's winging it. Nobody gets a handbook in life. Health is wealth. Take care of your body. You maintain your car and get regular oil changes and all the other things to keep your car running. Do the same for your body. Give it the right fuel. Give it the right exercise. >> Do the right things. Maintain it. >> You don't need a hundred friends. You need one or two really, really good ones. Your ride or dies. The people who know where the bodies are hidden. What you allow continues. Consistency beats motivation. Think about that one. Don't argue online. It's never worth it. And in this type of climate we're in right now, it's dangerous. Silence is powerful. Use it. And lastly, life is short. Smile more. As you smile at other people, you'll get smiles back. And who knows, it could change someone's day.
There you have it. 64 years of hard-earned wisdom condensed into less than 20 minutes. I hope it saved you some time. Maybe it sparked something in you. If it did, share it with someone. Re-watch it. do something with it. Ignite the spark and keep it burning. But here's the thing. More importantly, live it.
I'd love to know your thoughts. What have you learned in your lifetime that you wish you could revisit, but are happy you know it now and want to share? I read the comments and I look forward to hearing how you have managed to learn your wisdom. So, there you have it, people. My name is Pat. I look forward to seeing you on the next one. Have a great day.