Transcription
I've seen some guys in the comments ask, "How on earth did John get so much experience with women?" And I let you guys in on a little bit of a secret.
So during the day, I'm a health coach, and I work with a lot of older guys, guys in their 70s, 80s, and 90s. Guys who have been married for 30, 40, or even 50 plus years. And once I talked to them about their diet, and their what they're drinking and their lifestyle, well, we lift weights. It's just two guys in the gym lifting weights. And between sets of deadlifts and bench presses and pull-downs, we talk, and frequently those conversations go to women, and they are hilarious. I wish I could record them because it doesn't matter what their background is, what their culture is, what their religion is, because I deal with guys from all different cultures and religions; we all have the same experience.
And then when I throw on top of that all the guys that I see in the evenings, um, from this channel who are hiring me for coaching for relationships and divorces, um, yeah, I just spend all day long talking to guys about their relationships and with women. So I get a ton of information from all different sources.
And the fascinating thing is that regardless of whether the guy is married happily—there is such a thing—or divorced or somewhere in the middle, older guys in particular are all on the same page. I think the evolution of men starts like this. So younger guys, we're all trying to figure it out. You know, we're trying to puzzle women out. We're trying to climb the mountain, trying to win the reward, trying to figure this whole game out. Middle-aged guys, we're just trying to tolerate them. You've had them in your life long enough. You're just trying to tolerate this crap, you know? You realize there was no big prize at the end of the race. And then old guys, it's just pure wisdom, man. Just pure wisdom. And their reflection is, "Why did I waste so much time and energy trying to win this race and then tolerate winning once I did win?"
So today we're going to talk about how we men tolerate women and how we accommodate them in so many ways, and in our own ways we create the monsters that we so despise in the end. So let's talk about it.
So we all know there are a lot of differences between men and women biologically, obviously, and these biological differences are just the beginning because from those biological differences, society and our culture drives the wedge in deeper and deeper, pushing one group in one direction, men in one direction and women in the other. And so the behaviors of each gender are strongly associated with society's—I don't know—picture of what we are. Women, for whatever reason, are not held accountable. They are treated like children. While conversely, men are held to account for everything.
So, I had this great long-term client who's from another country. He's Islamic. He's 80 years old, 81, been in the US for, I don't know, 50 or 60 years. He came here to college and was a civilian working for the air force for most of his career, and um, got married as a result of an arranged marriage. His wife was quite attractive when they were young, been married for 50 plus years, and we started talking about accountability, and oh, it was hilarious. And one example he used, um, a couple of months ago, he startled her in the hall just by accident, and she immediately got very upset with him and accused him of not being careful and and was very angry with him and how she had a faint heart and how she he needed to be more careful. And he said, "Well, it's not just your heart that's faint. It seems like your temper might be a little faint, too." Oh, and that was all she wrote, man. He was in the doghouse for a week as a result of that comment.
Accountability is something that women struggle with. And I'm afraid to say that we as a society and as men—we are part of that society—are part of the problem. Because when we're younger, and there are still men even throughout their entire lives who still have this psychology about women, is we believe that they are innocent, that they are in some way an improved version of men, like they are just more good than we are, and nothing could be further from the truth. It's as if we get caught in that phase at the early stage of our development as men in believing that they are a mystery and a puzzle that needs to be solved, and we need to pursue them with all of our energy. And obviously something so pursuit-worthy could not be flawed in any way, shape, or form.
Well, well, how that ends up playing out over the long run is that in criminal court, for example, especially here in the United States, if a man and a woman commit exactly the same crime, well, she can get off with no jail time at all, and he might spend 5 years in jail. Exact same crime, exact same jurisdiction, exact same judge. Women are given the benefit of the doubt in almost every set of circumstances. Um, even as men, when we see a woman misbehaving or acting out in certain ways, if a man does that, well, another man will call him out, might even threaten him, might even punch him in the nose, depending on how bad the offense is. Women act out in exactly the same way, and a man will rarely speak out, will never threaten, and under no circumstances ever would a man punch a woman in the nose for acting out in a negative way. So, you can see that we have this complete set of rules that apply differently to women than they do to men. And this seems to go through almost every single level of our society. Women get better treatment in schools; they get better treatment in jobs; they get better treatment um by by uh charities.
So, if a man finds himself homeless, well, it's absolutely his fault. He's no question about it. He, up somewhere along the line, made some bad decisions, and now he's paying the price for it. And society says, "Yep, that guy, he's uh he made some bad decisions. Now look where he is. He's a cautionary tale." A woman ends up in exactly the same set of circumstances. And who even knows what she did to get there? But she's definitely a victim. She's a victim of society. She was cut off from opportunities. Maybe it was a man involved that caused all this. Obviously, there was a man. A man absolutely caused her to be in this situation. So again, different set of rules, different set of circumstances when it comes to a woman than when it comes to a man. And this is part of the problem that we're facing right now.
I remember when I was married, my wife would come to me and talk to me about stuff of which I had no interest. I didn't care what she was saying. It was just interrupting my train of thought, but I was being polite, and I would at least acknowledge that she was talking, and I would at least pretend to listen to what she was saying. I had to tolerate her constant need for validation by pretending to be interested in what she was saying and even come up with encouraging things to say while she was communicating with me. I think a lot of men do this. I think this is a big part of what it means to be married um these days is that women are looking for this validation, especially from you as the partner, as the husband, to reassure her that she's doing whatever she needs to be doing or that she's right. Yeah. And Gloria at work is wrong, and you were the right one, and yeah, you had every right to do that, and you go girl, you're empowered. You do the thing that you need to do because you're the good one here, and they're all bad. You're right, baby. You know what I mean? Yeah. This kind of happens in every marriage every day of the week in every country around the world. And yet, we all do it. All men do it. If you're married and you're in a relationship, a long-term relationship with a woman, you've been there for 5, 10, 20 years, she's going to come to you with her communication about something stupid that happened that has no relevance to anything in the world, and you're going to have to validate that conversation. You're going to have to sit and listen to it. I remember I used to sit and stare at her tits and think, "Well, maybe maybe I'll get lucky if I sit here and listen to this long enough. Maybe she will appreciate the fact that I'm taking my precious time out of my day to listen to her story for an hour, and maybe that will result in me getting a little action at the end of the day." That rarely happens. So, um, yeah, we all do it. I think we guys are just contributing to it. We need to cut them off. We need to cut them off and say, "Look, honey, I appreciate what you got to say, but it's not that important to me. Good luck with that." And just end the conversation rather than patronizing them and, and I think we're just encouraging them to come back with more irrelevant to talk about because we just keep listening and validating and encouraging, and we need to stop that.
Whenever society is trying to get men to be compassionate toward women, even when they've done something ridiculously stupid and they're maybe the, you know, cause of their own problem, inevitably someone will say, well, you know, we all have a mom. We all have sisters, you know, so we got to have compassion because we know we all see the the softness and the, you know, we all have the empathy for our own the own women in our own lives and all that stuff. And so when we would normally hold them accountable and we would say, "That was a stupid damn thing to do. What the hell were you thinking?" Well, we think, "Oh, well, how would my sister react to that? You know, what would my mom say?" And so we're held back from saying the things that need to be said or doing the things that need to be done at the times that they need to be said or done because we're all thinking, well, my poor mom, my poor sister, etc. She's probably somebody's sister; she's somebody's mom, you know, God bless her. And it's just like we would do with children. You know, if you see a kid, you know, have some negative thing happen as a result of his own stupidity or his own, you know, misunderstanding of the world, we all have compassion and concern for the kid even when they are completely responsible for their own problem. We all think, "Ah, he's just a kid, you know, can't be held responsible, you know, he didn't know any better. He's just a dummy, you know, he's just he's irresponsible. He's um immature." That's what it is. He's immature. How could he possibly know? But with full-grown adults, adult women, we treat them as if they're children. And the irony here is that they keep telling us that they're equal, that they're equal, that they and actually in some ways they're more than equal when it comes to men. And yet they won't take accountability or responsibility for their own actions. It's the most twisted and weird thing that you can imagine. And I feel like I'm living in some kind of a dystopian world where there's this in half of the beings on the planet, more than half the beings on the planet are telling me how how good they are, and we're all agreeing that they're all so good, and yet they do stupid and they won't take responsibility for it. But for us inferior men, we do stupid, and it is 100% our responsibility. How is this even happening? Why has this evolved into our culture? Why are we allowing this to occur anymore? It's time for women to be responsible for their own behaviors once and for all in courts, in conversations, in school, um, under all circumstances. They want to be equal, then they need to be treated just like men. We need to stop letting them off the hook just because we all have sisters or mothers. You know what I mean?
If you're an older guy and you've been married for a very, very long time, talking 20, 30, 40, 50 years, you have another problem. You have pleasant memories of what she was like when she was younger. So, when she's acting out in stupid ways and she's misbehaving and she's droning on about some useless topic, you fantasize about what it was like way back when you first fell in love. And you think, well, this is the price I pay. You know, I had all that good sex back when I was young. I had all those good times back in those good old days. How long did those good old days really last? And how good were they really? I mean, honest to God, were you uh you got like maybe five good years? I mean, if you if you're lucky, you got five really great years out of a relationship. Maybe maybe a little more, but most guys even get less than that. And here you are 20, 25 years, 30 years later, and you've been suffering for much of that time. You've been enduring her. You've been putting up with her. You've been tolerating her for all this time. Is it worth it? Really, is it worth it? I don't think it is. I don't think it is. I think that relationships between human beings, between men and women in particular, they they have a lifespan, you know, kind of, you know, probably on on par with the average Korean subcompact car. You know, I'm talking about 5 to maybe 10 years max. You know what I mean? After that, it's probably trash, and you probably need to get rid of it. And taking these relationships out way beyond that to year 20, year 30, year 40, year 50. The longer they go, it's been my experience, the less valuable they are.
Um, now I know that some of you guys out there are thinking, well, I don't want to be alone when I'm in my 90s. And I get it. I get it. So, I suggest you get really, really rich so you can hire somebody to come and wipe your ass because it's much better and much cheaper in the long run to take that strategy than to hang around with some woman for an extra 30 or 40 years, paying all of her expenses, risking divorce, having her weigh that over your head the entire time, and listening to and trying to tolerate her and listening to all of her droning day in and day out for an extra 30 or 40 years. Yeah. Just break up with her, split up, and uh put your money in the bank. And when the time comes for you to get round-the-clock care, hire a really hot nurse, you know, and spend those last couple of years of your life just knowing that every time you've got to use the bathroom or take a shower, some really smoking hot girl is going to come in and rub you down.
All right, you guys, that's all I got for you today. I certainly hope you've enjoyed this video. Please see this as a bit of sarcasm. This was a bit of a rant. There's a grain of truth in it, maybe a big grain of truth in it. But, um, after my conversations recently with some of these older guys about their marriages, I thought, you know, I've just got to I've just got to spill the beans and let you guys know where I'm getting all this information because these old men, they are just treasure troves of funny stories and good information about the behavior of women because they've been living with them for 50 plus years in some cases. So anyway, stay healthy, and if you can, stay single.