Transcription
I missed you too, Lily. A week in between um [clears throat] my last live and when I tried to go live on Thursday. And I usually try to go live twice a week. Um, and then spirit had other plans. The ban was lifted. Jen, you were silenced. I don't know why. I know. Yay. Yeah. Um, all I can say is that I had a friend that was like, "I can't believe you were Hassand." That's I I don't know. I didn't really know who he was, but now I know that he is a um Nepo baby, a sha champagne socialist if you will, a big streamer on Twitch. It's kind of what I know. Yeah. Lillian said, "Hey, Universe saying you needed space." Exactly. Um, yeah, I was very ludial at my uh most recent live and Casper, hi. And yeah, it it it it wasn't good. But I was very emotionally activated because of the interview, the guest that I had had from two weeks ago. I was telling a friend who like is big in the streaming community that I had a guest on and he was like, "You didn't vet them?" It's like, "No, thank you. It's actually a dress. I don't have any children. No. Thank Thank God at this point, honestly. I mean, I like kids. I like my friends kids. Um, is war over? Painting bacon. Hello, Office Max. Welcome. Love it when you're in my live. [laughter] Um, it just feels protective. People ask that all the time, but and I also really like flowers. It's something that I usually have. So, um, yeah. Hi, Kevin. Glad you're here. >> [laughter] >> Yeah. Hi, Sam. Hi. A thanks you you guys for thing. Yeah. As I was saying, Kevin and I as I was kind of explaining like I gave a lot of content to my fan club um on my most recent live. So, definitely for the better. Oh, yay. I love my German followers. Um I have a few German super fans and I wanted to go live earlier today because I love my UK and European and even um some Eastern Africa. Ah, speaking of the UK, hi Kira. Thank you. Yes, thank you. I love the roses, too. Costco has great roses. I usually get um flowers from from Trader Joe's, but sometimes I'll get them from Costco, too. Kira, have you gone live yet? They are real. Yeah. So, this one was given me um by my friend who does a lot of Tik Tok shop stuff. She's a a makeup artist. It's so nice. I would have I would have never chosen this color for myself, but it's like the favorite my favorite lip color I've ever owned. I'm definitely going to buy it again for myself. It's a sun serum lip oil SPF 40. Oh, look at all of these. Uh, Belgium, UK, Germany. Hello. Oh, I need to get back from um I need to get back to to Europe. You're scared. I know. I kind of make it look easy. [laughter] I forget that, you know. Um just because like and that was the problem with the guy that I had on was just because um he made good content that I liked that doesn't mean it's going to translate over to live. Well, you know, you when I went to manager training for Trader Joe's, the trader the trainer said something that really stuck with me and he said, "You either win or you learn." Let me tell you, I've been learning a lot [laughter] this whole experience, and I'm very grateful. Um, Kendra Worldwide. That's right. Is there a plan for today? You know, we were I am I still want to talk about Risie. I want to talk about mental health. I want to talk about um messy talk. Thank you, JJ. Um, I want to talk about how important it is. But really, it's also it's been a minute since I've been live, so I just want to, you know, uh, say hello. Oh, buenardes. Joseito. Um, I'm doing pretty well. Felt good to get that video out the other day. Um, [clears throat] it's been taking a lot of restraint to not respond to some of the cont comments. Um, and [clears throat] I'm proud of myself, too. A meet and greet. Ooh, I I would have to like hire a bodyguard or something. Um, I I've done a few meet and greets on accident and and they've been kind of scary. So, [laughter] where should it be? New York City. Um, you know what? You know where I am on my for you page? I'm on Chicago Tik Tok. Anybody in anybody in the chat from Chicago? Because I'm getting a lot of Chicago. Um, FYP content shy. Uh, my Christmas plans is I'm going to go over to my aunt's house in the morning and then most likely my uncle's house in the evening. Chicago. Emily, I love that. Sarah, six or seven bodyguards. Yeah. Um, yeah. I mean, I still like I think [sighs] all the time about the time like where a very very very drunk man came up to me and that was the first time anybody had ever like approached me. Oh my god, he was so drunk. I don't know um what six seven it's like from a rap song and Jen Alpha took it over and it's it means a lot to them. I think it's dying down a little bit though. Um M asked, "What are your favorite stones to use in jewelry?" Well, this is a labradorite and I usually wear my child Sydney um when I go live to protect my throat chakra. And I was going to wear these stones, but like as I was um putting on my face oil, I ripped my earring out of my ear and I was like, "Okay, not going to wear those stones. That's fine." Um, and yeah, I I like to go to the Gem and Minerals show in the town where I live in. I talk about that a lot. Like definitely highly recommend that. What are your biggest red flags in men? They use substances. Oh, okay. I'm reading a book right now and it's really good. It's called Psychopath Free or I'm listening to a book and it's something. So, this is something that they said um that really resonated me and I with me and I think that this is going to be like my red flag from now on is when I have to play detective to figure out what's going on. That's a no. That that has to be like the biggest red flag. Hey, Britney. Yeah, it was. It's been a little I've had to like take it in chunks honestly. But yeah, like if if there's ever a relationship where I have to do digging or wondering what's going on, why am I feeling a certain way, but they're telling me no, it's this way. Sound familiar? Red flag. What are red flags in women? Like for friendships, I would say my biggest thing with friendships is if they don't show up. Like if they they say they're going to be somewhere and then they cancel last minute. Um I I don't like that. if it's okay like every once in a while, but usually people who cancel on me, you know, they are serial cancellers and like I just don't like when I plan my whole day and then they cancel on me. I'm like, dude, like 5 minutes after we're supposed to meet, like I'm at the event and they're like, oh, sorry, can't come. I'm like that's I've ended friendships over that. What is your plan for content after your last part? Probably just talk about mental health. [sighs and gasps] Mental health because clearly it's not something that people talk about enough. Thanks for following me. beautifully. Me Blue asked, "Do you make all of your money through coaching or do you have other jobs too?" I do. I make my money through coaching and then I also do spiritual healing work. Um, I've been getting quite a few clients with that this month, which was cool. Um, I I don't know why that blue blue I don't know why your um comment was hidden, but I'm still going to answer you. A spicy Pisces. Haven't had you in a live for a while. I'm so glad you're here. Sarah, thanks for pinning that. Um, no more mutants asked, "How's the neighbor?" Um, he is doing well. I've hung out with him the last couple nights. It's It's funny because like I hadn't heard from him in a while. I was like, "Oh, where's he been? Like, what's going on?" And then I saw him. I was like, "What's going on? I haven't I haven't like heard from you." Um, he was like, "I've been so broke. I've been spending a lot of money." Cuz his truck is broken down. He's like, "I've been spending a lot of money on Ubers." So, I was like, "Oh, okay." You know, and he's a man when we hang out. Even though he's just a friend, he takes care of things. So, you know, I was like, "Of course he's just broke. Like, that's fine. They are Christmas tree earrings. Yes, I actually just unboxed all my Christmas tree stuff. No. Jen asked, "Offer to drive him?" No. Or said, "Offer to drive him." You know, it's funny. I thought about it, but no more doing things for men. Except for just being there, showing up. Chandler, hi. Um, men can handle things on their own, you know. And it's it's interesting because I don't know. I just I'm like, "No, no." Yeah. No more doing things for men. Men can do things for me. My neighbors do things for me all the time. Like like leaving a Christmas card at midnight and then the other one coming by to make sure that everything's okay. [laughter] Who was here for that story? That I'm still not over that. I'm like, "Oh my god, hold on. Um, that was wild." Yeah. Thank you guys for the gifts. That's really nice. Um, yeah, I am safe. I am protected. I have to remind myself that a lot. Um, but yeah, I'm just so grateful for my neighbor. And it's just so funny cuz like our thoughts are just so often wrong. like at least the looping thoughts, the anxious thoughts, the like what's going on, you know? And something that I was saying um with the um with the neighbor. I was actually telling this story right as my live was um kicked off. Yeah, I'll tell it. So, you know, it's how do I want to say this? Okay, so 4 and 1/2 months of non-stop dog piling will get to anybody. [gasps] And I I have to say sometimes it does affect me as much as I don't want it to. And that's why I just try to ignore it. Hey, Jen. RZY is Yeah, I don't know. TK. Um, so Rizzy was a woman who was bullied on TikTok. And there's a lot of like layers to her story. Like for instance, I just found out that when she was bullied on Alive, she was in a psych ward. She was in an inatient mental hospital. Did not know that. Um, apparently she was disabled. She was a black woman that was adopted by white f like by white parents that also I don't know like I didn't ever used to think about that but then Erica Hart started going off like a year or two ago about how like white parents shouldn't ever adopt black or brown par children. Thank you for the cake. And I just thought that that was so interesting because yeah, there's just like some things that white parents won't ever be able to help their children with. And so like she felt out of place and there's just so so so many layers. Um [clears throat] Rizzy Rzzy um [clears throat] and So she, let me see, what do I want to say about this? She herself um on alive and it's just it's tragic. It's tragic. And I've gotten so many DMs from people telling me to do the same thing. Yeah. The worst is when they'll go to my Instagram and like comment on my reals and tell me to do that. I'm like, dude, not to give anybody, you know, ideas, but that's is part of what just wears me down is the non-stop harassment. Jay says they're just jealous. Yeah, it is morbid. Yeah, they would never say it to your face. That's the craziest part. Just disgusting. Exactly. That's that's what I want. That's why I decided to talk about RZY is because people don't understand that their online behavior has real life consequences. So, you know, these huge YouTubers that are making videos about me, like I I understand um because I put myself out there, right? It comes with it. And then but people then feel emboldened to like send it to me and then tell me to take a ride on the sewer slide or, you know, tell me to do that to myself and [sighs] it just emboldens people. And so that's what I was saying with my neighbor is, you know, I was hanging out with him last week before I think it was like right after my very emotional live. Um the most recent full live that I had where my fan club got a lot of content from, which was my bad, you know. Um, and he was saying that he has some YouTube videos that are pretty popular. I'm like, "Oh, I bet you I have YouTube videos that have more views than you that are about me." And so he did. He looked it up because he I was like, "Why don't you look it up?" He was like, "I will after you leave." I'm like, "No, I want you to look it up right now." And so I Yeah, he looked it up and it was such a mistake. And I I think I was saying this before I got kicked off the last live that it was like the first one was a swoop video and then which, you know, I've seen that. Um, well, I haven't watched either her of her videos, but I know the basic premise and you know, if she's gonna make a documentary about someone that's alive, why not talk to them? Cuz she's not interested in my story. She's interested in views, which is understandable. And yeah, okay, we can we can um and then the other one was a woman that was like laughing at me. And this is what these people are doing. They're laughing at me like we're in grade school, you know, and it was really hurtful to see those YouTubes. And later that night or the next day, I forget, I texted him and I was like, I should I should not have had you look up what was happening on YouTube. And all he wrote back, all the neighbor wrote back was, "Try not to pay attention to what the internet says about you." I was like, "Oh, thank God." [sighs and gasps] Like, yeah, you're right. What? Okay, so speaking of what people um have to say, yes, Andrew, free Palestine and the flowers are still around. My favorite Christmas cookie is just like those um regular like, you know, like a sugar cookie that's iced, delicious, like festive, fun. I was actually just thinking I'm like, damn, I haven't really been invited to a Christmas party this year. I haven't like had any Christmas cookies. I've been doing a lot of socializing but no Christmas parties. So, um, Liss, thank you so much. I am doing well. I haven't seen you in a while. Nice TK gingerbread. Yeah, Trader Joe has a really good gingerbread mix. And like every year it would sell out in like a week and customers would come in and be like, "Where's the gingerbread mix?" You know, because you could like make cookies, make cakes, make a loaf. Like it was very very very um versatile. And so yeah, [laughter] matcha lattes. Thoughts on matcha lattes? Jen, thank you. Um, I I'll drink them sometimes. I'm not like a huge matcha girly. Some Something about me, you guys, is I don't like iced lattes. Like, if I'm going to go and get a latte at a um at a at a like coffee shop. I don't want just cold milk and espresso. Like, I have an espresso machine. This is I love my espresso machine so much. Um this is such like my Virgo ex-boyfriend. This is so him. Like he told me he was like, "My mom's going to send us her old Nespresso machine." I was like, "Oh, that's cool. That's really nice of her." And I found out I talked to her later and apparently she was like, "Hey, I want to send you the Nespresso machine for your house." And my ex-boyfriend was like, "Well, I don't drink coffee." And his mom was like, "You know, for Kendra." [laughter] [laughter] He was like, "Oh, yeah. Okay." And I use it all the time. And then in the breakup, I got the espresso machine and I It's so awesome. So, like if I want to make just like espresso and milk at home, I'll do that. Kind of same thing with matcha. I like hot matcha lattes. Free Palestine, Jen. Thoughts from a therapist. Hi. Yeah, I don't know if you're still in here. Thoughts from a um therapist. Um but yeah, I was banned for a while. I had a very emotional live like 10 days ago. My bad. This is what I'm learning. Like when I am emotionally activated, people react. So, I'm trying to like clear that out. Um, Jen, you know, it's a really hard time to be Jewish right now. It's a very hard time to be Jewish. And I also believe that any Jewish person needs to admit that what Israel is doing to Palestine is a genocide. It's both. Like I I love my Jewish friends. I think that the Jewish religion is so beautiful and it's it's a really really beautiful culture and they're holocausting all over again. It's very strange. Free Palestine. Antuinette, I did not see your um I did not see your comment. No, lots of things get um caught in the vortex. Um Sarah, my mod calculated my my numerology number. I am a number 33. Any makeup wrecks? You guys, Tarte is canceled. I love Tarte makeup. [gasps and laughter] At least I love the tubing mascara. It's the only tubing mascara I use, but um my friend has been selling sending me a lot of this. Like I use their eyebrow pencil now. I use um this I use like a an eyehadow stick. Thoughts from a Yeah. thoughts from a therapist. But so what it was I'm so glad you're here. But so what it was is like I was having a lot of feelings. I made a mistake. I had the wrong person on a live. It was very embarrassing. Um, I was like very deep in my ludial face. I just I I said a lot of things, you know, I was very emotionally activated. So then I tried to go on live on Thursday emotionally activated again. Ooh, that would have been bad. And also I had like RIP Rizzy in the corner here and like to me I definitely want her to rest in peace. It's so sad um what's happening like what happened to her and my fan club would have had a field day with that. I think they already kind of did. So I gave them just enough you know spirit came in. [clears throat] What blush do I have on? I actually have like three different blushes on. [laughter] [gasps] So, I this same friend that gave me this, she gave me this palette. So, I use that. And then I use like she gave me a different blush. I don't know. Oh my god, you guys. I just realized I'm not wearing my glitter. Deepen your ludial phase. Everyone who bleeds knows what that's like if they have a regular cycle. It's hard. It's hard to not be emotionally activated during that time. [clears throat] So I'm like, "Oh, yeah, that that was bad. That was bad." But that was on me, you know? I was just like, "Oh, here's this cute guy who makes fun content and he calls himself a feminist. Let me invite him on." when one of my very firm beliefs is that I don't trust men who call themselves feminists. [snorts] Jen [laughter] asked, "How can I sync up with your cycles?" You know, I ask my body all the time, can I please bleed with the full moon? I'm tired of because like the full moon wipes me out. So, I'm like feeling good and ovulating with the full moon. And then but also tired from the full moon. So I don't know. Sometimes I'll bleed with the full moon but then I just go back like to bleeding with the new moon. [laughter] Duck. Hi. What am I doing for the holidays? I am spending time at my aunt's house. My parents will be there and then going over to my uncle's house. So that'll be fun. Love you too, Betsy. What is everyone else doing for the holidays? Family time. You know, the holidays are they can be a hard time. I think that that's part of it, too. Like, so many people are like, "Go, go, go. Fun, fun, fun. 222 people and here are angel numbers." Oh, I'm sorry, duck. There's definitely something bad going around. I got my COVID and flu shot on the same day like 6 weeks ago. Um, and I had when I quit Trader Joe's, I had to like get my own insurance for the first time in my adult life. And this is how I know that it was like meant to be for me to quit Trader Joe's because um, happy winter winter so solstice. Oh, what's up? Haven't seen you in a minute. Have you been behaving yourself, Eric? How's therapy going? So, um, [sighs] oh god, that you just distracted me, Eric. [laughter] What was I saying? [clears throat] Let me see. Okay, let's just let's go back uh to talking about mental health. Oh, yeah. That is that a Lord of the Rings mug? No, I found it at um Goodwill and it just says sweater weather, but I love the size of it. I can like load up on tea. Thank you. A beverage goblin needs at least three drinks at a time. She needs them while she's working for her body and mind. One to hydrate, one to energize, [laughter] and one just for fun. A beverage goblin needs her beverages to make her brain run. Uh, what exercises do you do to stay sane during hectic times? So, right now, some of you may know I'm obsessed with Orange Theory. I used to just go to the regular gym, like to Planet Fitness, and I liked that enough, but to me, if a gym isn't close, I'm not going to go. And there is an Orange Theory blocks from me. And I love it. And like just the coaches love me. like the head coach is like, "Kendra, I just appreciate you being here so much. You're such a good addition to this gym." And I was like, "Thank you." So, um, Anna says, "Arange Theory was so hard for me." Yeah, it is hard. [laughter] It's a hard workout. It's a really hard workout, and I I would have struggled if I hadn't spent years in the gym before. Um, it definitely like you got to know like the lifting techniques and all of that. And I also love to run. That's the other thing is like running on a treadmill is something that I've done a lot. So, I can see how Orange Theory would be hard. All right, I'm sweating a little bit. Hold on. [clears throat] [snorts] Got to get the airflow going. Um, yeah, Orange Theory is very hard. And then yesterday, I don't know if you guys saw my story, but I took a a really long hike. Like, and usually when I go to this hiking spot, I'll just like do a really easy spot. and um and [clears throat] like hang out by the water, but I woke up yesterday and spirit was like, "You got to do the hard hike." And I was like, [sighs] "Okay." So, I kind of like put it off, but I did. I did the hard hike. And like I like I said in the um in my like story, I hiked higher than the Empire State Building and had just the most beautiful view like nothing like nature. So to get that really intense um to get that really intense thing. Holden said I got a stepper off Tik Tok shop and haven't opened the box. [laughter] Is it like one of those things that you can just like get your steps in while you like watch TV or something? That's smart. I have a a treadmill, like a a walking pad that I use when I'm working or writing. That also really helps. Um, Jen asked, "Do you do Pilates, Lree, etc." No, just Orange Theory right now. I mean, it's it's interesting. So, I've lost I lost when I came to Tik Tok in August, I weighed 220 lbs and I lost 10 lbs in a month, you guys. Like, going viral is an attack on your nervous system like that. And definitely wasn't the best way for me to lose 10 lbs. Um, and then like doing Orange Theory, I lost 10 pounds in a month, too, but in a better way, in a more sustainable way, and like a healthier way, cuz I was eating. Um, so yeah, I've lost like 20 lbs since August. Um, but I like to think I have good genetics, too. But like once you hit 35, cuz your girl's 36, I think that there's like um [laughter] that there's like genetics kind of go out. Oh my gosh. Snack detective. So that's how I started. I did hell week too. It was so fun to be able to like pay to go in. Did you do all seven classes? I think I did. I did. Yeah, I did it eight days in a row. Yes, that was how I started. I like just happened to try because if anybody wants to try Orange Theory, you can have your first class for free. You did five. That's still really good. Um, so you get your first class for free and they're like, "Hey, we have this hell week promotion coming up. Do you want to do it?" And I was like, "Sure, okay, for 35 bucks or whatever it was." So, I did it and it was really cool. Alex, hi. Thanks for coming to the live. Jen, I haven't been on a bench in a while, but probably just like 90 lbs. I don't bench a lot. 100 pounds. Like, I'll do the bar and like 50 lbs. 25 on each side. Hannah, well, I've been here. I did take a couple weeks off from going live. [laughter] Souls for the soul. Hello. Thank you so much for the gift. Advice for panic attacks. So, when I quit nicotine, I got awful panic attacks. So bad. So bad. But I felt like I was going to A. Thanks, Alex. It helped me like not ever touch nicotine again because it was so hard. So, all that to say, really the only things that would help me um when I was getting them was breath work and just like thank God for YouTube, you know, so many good breath work things. Like I would literally search like breath work for a panic attack and and and do it. anything to get you in your body. And if I didn't know about tapping back then, but if I did, I would definitely tap. I know, Alex. Yeah, I do a paper bag. Okay, Andy. Hello. Um, hi. I'm so glad all the peeps are here. Um, yes. Yes. Benzos are so bad. Um, but I'm glad you quit them. What do I do for work? I'm an ADHD and sobriety coach and I also am a spiritual healer and advisor. [laughter] Okay, this is what I want to talk about. Three months. Let's go. [singing] [applause] That's huge. Let's go, duck. Yeah, the eightball. I mean, he's eightball's okay, Holden. I know. Yeah, we're all celebrating you. We're all celebrating you. I'm feeling okay. I was getting in my feelings there a little bit, but then Jen was like, "Let's talk about Christmas cookies. you know, something that I found out um mostly through Abby. So, she talks Abby the trauma therapist talks a lot about um like the book Trauma and Recovery. She's been reading from it a lot in her lives and she talked about retraumatization. And something that I used to do that was not good was I would um search for myself and like read content and look at content about me and it was retraumatizing and I'm so glad I don't do that anymore but it was just really jarring when I had my neighbor look me up on YouTube. I'm like, why? Why did I do that? Like, that was so retraumatizing. [laughter] [gasps] Oh, Aby's the best. Thanks, Trish. Yeah. Um, what did you want to talk about? I don't know. The neighbor. How do you refrain from looking yourself up? I feel like I wouldn't have the willpower not to. Chlo, that's such a good question. Um, trial and error, right? So, I I would look myself up and read the comments and feel like garbage after. And so now when I have the urge to see, I just remember, I'm like, wait, [laughter] last time I did this, I felt awful after. Why am I going to do it again? And the people that get me, they get me. The people that are determined to misunderstanding me, they're going to misunderstand me. And I am here for the people that get, see, respect, and appreciate me. Those are my people. That's why I'm here. Everything else is just noise. Thanks for following me, Bubbles. Jen says, "My boyfriend keeps saying he wants me to look and act like you. He says you're his ideal woman." That would make me feel pretty angry if my boyfriend was comparing me to someone. I'd be like, "No." How does that make you feel, Jen? Yeah, exactly. [laughter] Sarah, boy, bye. Welcome back, Souls for the Soul. Yeah, exactly, Jen. We're all like, "No." Yeah. Something that I learned from all of this is that men don't really care if women are [laughter] like totally insane [laughter] or being perceived as totally insane at least, you know. [laughter] Thank you, Souls for the Soul. Um, I'm very grateful. I haven't ever had braces or anything. The only thing I have is one of my teeth is sideways. Like, it grew in sideways completely, but everything else like just what God gave me. It's low-key kind of hot to be crazy. I think men do. Some men totally have a fetish for that. [laughter] Megan, hi. You know, and who am I to judge? [laughter] Men are going to men. I was actually hanging out with a friend who I hadn't seen him in a while and he was just laughing. He was like, "God, I love men." Like here you are talking about trauma and men are like o [laughter] um my worst date was I went on a hiking date with this man who you know I go to coffee first dates for a reason only coffee first dates and he gave me red flags at our coffee first date. And what did I do? I went on a second date with him. And I mean, I've had a lot of bad dates, but this is just one that comes to mind. So, the first the coffee first date was fine, but he shows up and he has a water in front of him. I was like, "Okay, are you gonna get coffee?" And he was like, "Oh, no. I've had too much coffee for the day." I'm like, "Well, get a tea. Get something." Like, "This is weird." But anyway, I was like, "Okay, whatever." He was tall, you know? He was like 66. I I won't I don't make excuses for men who are tall anymore. [snorts] So, anyway, we meet at the hiking spot and he's like 25 minutes late. So, I was just like chilling, waiting there. And we go and we end up hiking like four and a half miles up this road, which is fine. Um, and then we go swimming in this canyon. And then on our way back, like right at the beginning, he starts talking about how he was in a men's group and everyone was going around saying their pronouns and he got really upset and he was like, "That's none of" and he he said this so proudly. He was like, "And I told them that's none of their business what my pronouns are. And I was like, "What?" None of their business. Yeah. Yeah. Jen says fra fat Jenn says fragile masculinity. I know. None of their business. I'm like, sir, it's 2023. This was, you know, almost 3 years ago. But I was like, what are you talking about? Huh? I think they were a gift from my mom. This these are really momcoded. Huge red flag. I know, Gertrude. I don't know why you're um why your comment got um hidden. But Elise, no, I do not drink. [sighs] You should have seen me when I did, though. But yeah, it was so it was such a red flag. Yeah, thanks for blocking her. I think that that was a sometimes um [laughter] I have a troubled relationship with my mom. Yeah, moms can be hard, especially if they're boomers. Who is Joe? My favorite flowers are roses and lilies for sure. Um, Amanda, I am 36. Born in the same year as our girl Taylor. We were both born in 1989. Oh, my neighbor. He's good. We talked about him a little bit at the beginning of the live. He's really good. We got to hang out a couple times this week. He's he's given me some good um nuggets of wisdom. That's [clears throat] right. the fate of Ailia. Oh yeah. Um Taylor's a fellow projector. And this is like it's what happens, you know, the people that understand me and see me and are there for me. That's it's just what it is to be a projector. Lots of people give give me invites and I really really really make a lot of people mad, too. >> [laughter] >> My neighbor actually just texted me. Rage baiting is fun. I know it's funny. Um, there was actually a really funny Let me show you guys before I um I'll show you guys this meme because it is me. It's totally me. Thanks for liking the live. Um, Alex, [sighs] as [clears throat] Abby the trauma therapist says, like and share. Like and share. [laughter] Um, so she This was It's just me. It's me. Well, first of all, it says fire signs at the end of 2025. You're acting crazy. First of all, I'm not acting. [laughter] It was just funny to me. [laughter] Um, Jen asks, "Is it a red flag if a guy doesn't pay on the first date?" I think yes. I don't know why. I just think yes, because like if I'm going to spend time with a guy, I I'd just rather be alone if he's not if he's not going to pay. Who pays if it's two women? That I don't know. I I actually saw something on my FYP that was like, it's hard to be a butch because like the fem just expects you to pay. And I'm like, well, yeah, that's that's not okay. I don't know. I'm not a lesbian, so I can't speak to that. Okay. And then here we are. Yeah, I'm an Aries. Always write even with data proving otherwise. Harassment campaign. Don't Always write even with data proving otherwise. I am right. [laughter] I am right. Um, Pisces gang. I don't know. Mother Mary is my protector. So, and then R is rage baiting full-time. Me personally, I'm more of a part-time rage baiter, but I didn't realize how much my presence enraged people or just like what I do enrages people. L says, "Exle, if I if I'm asked, they pay. If I ask, I pay." I love that, L. I love that. That's That makes a lot of sense. It's like whoever invited the other person on the date. Thank you for explaining that to me. Love my Pisces. And then um so always right even with data proving otherwise. Rage baiting fulltime. I is for intensity comes naturally. And so that's kind of it. Like I when I'm feeling emotionally activated, I'm already intense. I'm already intense. So when I'm feeling emotionally activated and I do a little dramatization [laughter] of the harassment campaign, it's it's it's not going to go well. You know, I'm just intense on my own. I don't need to add intensity to the intensity. Love my toans. Um, oh, I love how much uh love you're getting. Okay. And then the E is for entertaining for free. Like I do I entertain for free. Where would my fan club be if it wasn't for not being able to clip my lives? Ooh, love my Scorpios. Women. Scorpios are the best friends another woman could have. Period. Like so intensely loyal. Just don't be on the other side of their barb. That stinger can hurt. And I've also I like to call it being scorped out. And any Scorpio knows what it means to scorp someone out. But what that is is being just completely cut off like you never ever existed. It's so painful. It's so painful. But, you know, it's self-p protection for Scorpios. So, just try not to take it uh personally. Alex, nice. A Jen, thank you. I love you, too. [laughter] I don't know why that was blocked. I see it. I see it. And then, um, last but not least, S is for sore loser. And this is what people don't understand when they're like, how is she still going? It's like, well, I'm not going to I'm not going to lose. It's just not it's not in my it's not in my DNA. So, um, yeah, rage baiting is fun. That's right. Um, what's your song obsession right now? That's a great I don't know if you're still in here, Molina, but um, right now it's definitely Boss Chick by Sidi. Mostly the line. The fate of a gooa. What is that? Pardon me. I don't I don't Let me just play it. And like for someone asked, you know, another song that I played a lot this year was number one rule by Meg the Stallion. So good. The number one rule. Bad [ __ ] choose. Don't chase a man. Let a man chase you. I'm like, thank you. >> Um, okay. Let me see. There's definitely like a line >> [laughter] >> Um, [music] >> ain't that my lips? I ain't going nowhere. Just embrace me, [ __ ] Always lurking on my page. You don't hate me, sis. I ain't bothering nobody. I just sh >> That's right. I mean, come on. Like, I see you lurking on my page. You guys know that the majority of my views on my videos and my posts are from people coming to my page. So, these people that claim to like not like me, um, hate me, they're they're coming to my page to watch my content. So, yeah, exactly. Casper, we're doing it. Gooba. What is Gooba? And why do I have to play it? Oh, a song by 69. Nah. Nah. Um, do we is I thought that 6ix9ine was cancelled. No, I'll listen to it another time. Yeah. Yeah, [clears throat] that's good. I'm glad I wasn't the only one that thought that. I know. Yeah, I'm also wearing my I was like, maybe it's going to annoy people. Um, I'm so glad everyone's here. There's It's been a good turnout. And I I've been, you know, I've given given them a little um >> Yeah, they're jingle bells. Um, I want to read you guys a DM that I got. And um, when Sass was my mod, she was really she would like really pay attention to my fan club and like spend a lot of time analyzing them and like telling me what was going on with them. and it definitely wasn't the best for my mental health. And Sass is going to sass and you know um do what she thought was best and I'm very grateful for everything that she did for me. And so all that to say is that I know that this person is telling the truth because I know that they were one of the people that SAS would like keep an eye on. And so this is like it was even they sent this the morning I recorded my RZY video. So it it was even before um what was going on. And [clears throat] they said, "Hi Kendra. I just wanted to come on here and let you know that I am realizing that thrashing you online is doing more harm for you than good. And it's a very counterproductive way to deal with anything here. Yes, I follow those accounts. Yes, I made a great number of comments. And I know that because SAS would send me those comments sometimes. Um, and I sincerely apologize for doing so. I don't necessarily agree with you and your methods as well, but I've come to realize that the bullying is not coming from a place of justice. It's impulsive and unkind. And especially when you said on your live that you were feeling certain ways about your life, it confirmed that this is not the way to do things. And I was that to me that was the godwink to film the Rizzy video. I was like, "Okay, okay, spirit. I will film that video. Thanks for supporting me, Alex." Um, yeah. And Talia, I know [laughter] it's a new moon. Yeah, but I just I thought that that was really sweet. Um, and I said, "Thank you so much for saying that. It's a vicious cycle. Tearing others down gives a sense of temporary high, but it comes with a major cost. I accept your apology." And they said, "Amazing. I'm glad to hear you say that. Take care of yourself and God bless you, Kendra." Cuz that's the thing, you know, these people, they're doing their best. We're all doing our best. I know. It was really sweet. Jen, I don't know why you're um Oh, I think AI is filtered. It was sweet. Yeah. And that's, you know, it just sucks that Rizzy's gone. It sucks. It's not It's It's not okay. Um, we're doubling up on the protection in sense. Yeah. Well, I didn't know her. I don't think she was a very big had a big following. Oh, well, thank you. Thank you. I like to sway. Um, but and people don't understand that, right? Like, so the things I'll say it again, the things that people say online have realworld consequences. And I think that my fan club really does think that they're doing something. you know, they they think that they are I don't know what they think. I can't, you know, I'm over that. But they don't understand that they're not doing anything. They're just bringing hate into their own life. And that's the thing about messy talk is and and I would say that my fan club is a part of messy talk is they just don't get that there's real people on the other side. consequences, right? Oh, that would be so sweet, Jen. Thanks, Genie or Jean. I don't Jana. I I think that's part of the hate that I get too, honestly, is I'm pretty. I just like people hate women. other women, you know, it's internalized misogyny. And this is like let's like even it it what am I thinking? What do I want to say? my situation on here. Like, cuz I thought, well, I'll definitely have women that understand. Women have been some of my biggest haters and my biggest critics. I just I don't get it. People love to tear down beautiful, strong, intelligent women, aka you, Jen. I don't know why you were um hidden, but thank you. They're projecting. Yeah. Internalized hate. Exactly. It's a lot. It was a lot of jealousy, unfortunately. It's still going on. It's still going on. My My fan club is just as active now. But it's it's just like I I'm I'm a 36 year old woman, you know, and I feel like cuz this is another thing that people don't understand is like I've been bullied my entire life, in grade school, in high school, not so much in college cuz I mostly just hung out with dudes and drank a bunch. Then I went into the workforce, got bullied in the workforce at Trader Joe's, like continued to um and and so it's it's nothing new to me. And now that I'm sober and like have found ways to like myself and validate myself, I it really doesn't bother me. So these people like think that they're doing something when really it's just like another day. Um and and I know that me being here has helped people. And so that's that's what I focus on. Thank you, Stina Beina. Um, I like florals. I do like florals. I just have a couple perfumes. They thought they ate with the bullying. [laughter] Yeah, they do. I don't Jen, I want to pin your comment, but bullies are never good. Well, they're all over Tik Tok. There was one There was like one woman Kendra Hilty saga that was really intense. I think she was most likely pretty mentally unwell. Um, and that's that's also what I have to remember you guys is these people that are coming into my comments on Instagram or into my DMs and leaving these violent, hateful messages telling me to myself, they're not mentally well. And it it's just like one big [laughter] it's not helpful either way. My bullies are mostly women. Some men do bad things, but I remember their stuff coming up on my FYP. Yeah. Well, if if you haven't blocked them, hold in. Yeah. Um, okay. Let me go to my so this women that we as long as there are women that we decide it's okay to be misogynistic towards, there is never going to be any progress for women. Never. And that's the thing is these women think like, "Oh, Kendra's trying to ruin a man's life, so let's ruin hers." Like, even if people and even the the person that DM'd me to apologize, like they even said, "I don't agree with what you did." And that's okay. It's okay to not agree with,
You know, what I'm doing or how I went about it or, you know, how I'm choosing to tell my own story. That that's fine. It's just about let it go. Why do you need to operate a smear campaign for a man? You don't. Exactly.
[laughter] Melena, I'm pinning that comment. [laughter] That is so Oh, I can't pin your comment. But Melenna, they can't face the fact that they are still in situations like the one you walked out from. Thank you. The projection is wild. And this is why I also came to my story like came to TikTok with my story is I was like I walked away. It was a miracle that I got out of that situation and who knows where it would have left like went to, you know, and I I was like there's got to be other women who are in a similar situation. And don't get me wrong, many women did leave predatory therapist relationships or they were dating their therapist and they broke up with their therapist or, you know, don't get me started on the high school girls that would message me and tell me about their male teachers who would text them and buy them things like sodas. Melena chewing them up. Talia, I'm glad you're here. Yeah, she did. Cuz that's what I say over and over. Like, every woman knows what it's like to be taken advantage of by a man with power over her. Every single one. And some of them have done their work all around it, and others haven't. Like as soon as we decide that it's okay, that this woman is the one that we throw to the wolves because she did that bad thing, that is when we lose the plot. And that is >> we've lost the plot, you know?
And this is part of also why I'm like not going away. I'm like, "No, I will not let people shame me into silence. It doesn't matter if I was right or wrong with how I told my story. I'm still a person with a voice. And let me tell you, it felt good to tell my story. Even with the Darvo, even with the blaming, even with like everything that happened to me, it felt awesome. Um, I've actually had a few like two male gynecologists. The first one was amazing. The second one was pretty good. But yeah, two straight male gynecologists. Um, but I definitely prefer women gynecologists, especially now. Oh my god. Um, the Epstein list. No, I haven't seen it. But that's the thing. It's like reminds me of that Bo Burnham song. Um, that's the way the world works. [clears throat] Cuz every politician, every cop on the street protects the interests of the p pedophilic corporate elite. That is how the world works. That is how the world works. genocide. The natives say we got to it first. A thanks, Jen. Um, yeah. But yeah, I wouldn't I don't trust male doctors [laughter] at all anymore. That's, you know, that's the other thing I I understand why people had a strong reaction to my stories because like people have to trust doctors. They have to rely on them. And it's uncomfortable to think like, "Oh god, what if what if the same thing happened to me?" And it's also I think it's the fact that like I'm smart and well spoken and can really like hold myself well. And it's scary that like, oh, if this person can be taken advantage of, where does that leave me? And so people just smear me or they, you know, some people will smear me and try to make me the problem. When we don't continue to push onward in our progress as women collectively, >> it's holding us back. >> Does that mean that any woman, billionaire, millionaire, rich, not rich, whoever, white, black, etc., does that mean that any of them are above critique? No. Never going to say that. I don't think any person is above critique. But there's >> like I'm not above critique. It's okay if people want to critique how I um went about telling my story. like I forget her last name, but Kira. Oh, I'm like obsessed with her. She's like an elder Jenzee creator on here. She does a lot of dancing content, but she also like does um a lot of things. She She had some good critiques, but in no way did she freaking launch launch a a smear campaign against me. And she reminded everyone, she was like, cuz people were like, apparently I didn't know this. What are the things you've learned now that you've had distance from the Tik Tok situation? That I am very strong and capable. That when I show up unapologetically, I'll attract the right people to me. and that people will bend over backwards to protect men in power and the people that choose to do that. It's not on me. Welcome back, Chandler. Anukica, you should be in a docy series. Um, I did have actually a a um someone like at the height of everything I I did interview with a documentary filmmaker. Didn't really go anywhere. It's probably for the better. [clears throat] I don't I don't know if I know who Ted Mosby is. You're welcome, Chlo. Um, I like it when people come in and and say things. Okay. Hey, Sour. I'm feeling much better today. I know. Let me go. Let me go get my sparkles, you guys. I I'm just about out. So, I've been doing like a layer. I need to I'm I'm almost out. I'll do like the the thin ones. I can't really see. I have it on the um Let me just actually look in a mirror. So, there's the little ones. [laughter] And then I'll go in with the bigger ones. But I I do I need to reup on my glitter. Maybe we'll pick out some colors. There's a lot of Big Mama. Big mama. Thank you. I love them. Electra Cosmetics Forever. Thanks, Megan. I'm so glad you're here. My favorite climate is San Diego. Whatever that climate is. You know, it's funny. So, when I first came to Tik Tok, I called myself the Oracle because chat GPT and um and Claude would call me the Oracle. But then I realized that like chat would do that cuz I was like, well, I'm speaking about uncomfortable truths. God is leading me. So, it is kind of a stop telling like calling myself that because I was so tired of the AI psychosis thing. Like, but when I was calling myself the oracle, my subscribers called themselves glorals. And actually, one of the glorals made a Isn't that so sweet? As I hit myself with it. Made a what is this? I want to say label, but that's not right. I know the glorals. So that's that's what they used to call logo. Thank you, Casper. Yeah. And she sent they sent me this and a few other like some really cool crystals. It was a really sweet um care package. I do have a PO box if anybody wants to send me things. I'm I'm open to gifts and I'm I'm very very grateful for all the gifts I've gotten. Jennison, um you can slide into my DMs and we can talk about an interview. My PO box is not in my bio. Um, if you DM me or I can I can Yeah, just DM me and I'll um I'll give you my PO box. I don't I don't really trust just putting it out there. It feels um scary, but yeah, happy to. Oh, chiropractors. I actually got several DMs, Melissa. um about chiropractors. They're a man with in power and it's a really vulnerable place to be like on a table. I've been assaulted on a massage table before by an energy healer. It was awful. Um I Ghooly truly your if you sent a message uh it got taken by the filter. So try again. Oh wait. Oh I did see it. Are you going to talk to Adam McIntyre? Who is that? I did me I'm Who is that? Tell me. I would I would love to know who that is. Should I look them up on TikTok? Did they invite me to talk to them >> on here? >> There's a content. >> Okay, let's um thank you guys for liking the live. >> It's official. Um, [singing] I'm looking I'm looking up Adam McIntyre. Part of me is like, should I not? Oh, is this the guy that [sighs] I don't know. He looks like he's a part of messy talk. Oh, Jen, I love Vietnamese food. I have tea. I have uh water with electrolytes. And I have a spin drift. Okay, Sam, I'll miss you. Oh, I love that you're Vietnamese. I it's every time I like so there isn't great Vietnamese food or like Asian food in general where I live compared to Portland when I lived there. And when I was in Portland, every time I'd meet a Vietnamese person, they I would ask them, "Where's your favorite place to get fur?" And every single one of them would say they make it at home. So that's kind of my goal. Yeah. I want to learn how to make fur cuz they're like, "Oh, it's easy." I'm like, "Okay, [clears throat] I want to try Do you make your f at home? Do you have Vietnamese friends? I do. I have a few, but you can be one of them, too. Thank you, Chloe. I just put it on. I am I I live for the sparkly highlight moment. I'm so glad you all came back and that you're all here. Um, seriously, just so grateful and thanks for the gifts and stuff. Okay, I've got five more minutes. Um, going to go Goodwill Hunters 183. Oh, Goodwill. Um, I know it's been 90 minutes. Oh, I'm trying. I see what you mean. Yeah, it's just it's just a a casual 183 people in the live. Nothing like the 10,000 when I was going viral. That was pretty crazy. I do. I love I love streaming, you guys. It's It's my favorite part of Tik Tok. And I do have a um I do have a backup account now. Um so if I were to like get banned, group seven is still thing. Um mulivite and I don't know what stone this is. This was a gift from my mom. turquoise opal. But yeah, I'm I'm glad to be back. I really I do. I love streaming. Um past lives. Yeah. So, I actually do past life healing. Uh Melena, your your comment was muted. I don't know why. Um, yeah, I do past life healing. And I' I've been getting quite a few clients this month. It's really exciting. I got a new client through my website. And it's it's funny cuz the website that people find, it's kind of like my fake website. A lot of people don't know that. They thought that they were like doing something when they were spamming it. Um, but here's my lapis fear. Oh, good hunters. Um, but yeah, here's my laposphere. Well, I am streaming here. Should I stream somewhere else and then look I have so I would highly recommend having a man be obsessed with you that has an account at Sarski Crystals who also knows that you're obsessed with Hello Kitty. For like seven years I had this man who and whose um love language is acts of service. From like the age of 20 to 27, this man was obsessed with me and he gave me Hello Kitty Swarsy crystals for every holiday and every birthday and it's just the best. So here's I have two Christmas themed ones. I mean, come on. What stones do I recommend? Yeah, I think amethyst is a good like beginner stone. And then here's just like a regular one. And I also have a fall themed one [laughter] with a little pumpkin. I know. [gasps] And um then I got I have a St. Patrick's Day one. [laughter] >> [gasps] >> I've been here, Adelita. Yeah, but my Christmas ones are really my favorite. I was excited to unpack them. They're so cute. Yeah, I love Hello Kitty, too. I don't I don't think Chandler's still in here, but Chandler um they were rocking on They're alive. A um a Hello Kitty sweater. I know. Two best friends. It goes with my roses. Um, thank you so much to everyone who hung out today. I think it's time. [laughter] Just know my DMs are open. Um, merry Christmas everyone. Happy Hanukkah to my Jewish friends out there. Um, I am so grateful for my community. I love going live. I love streaming. Thank you to everyone who hung out for the whole time or who just popped in. And I am just so grateful to everyone who added to the live. Thank you. Um I won't be on tomorrow. Yeah, Hanukkah. Yeah, I won't be on tomorrow, but I'll try to be on before Christmas. Um maybe I'll maybe I'll do a little Christmas Eve live. Yeah. Good night everybody. Happy holidays. I'll try to come on before Christmas. Oh yeah, maybe a Christmas day stream. Yeah. Bye. Mhm.