start being mean.

You need to be meaner. You need to start being mean. Start putting people in their place when they disrespect you. Say no to things. Don't answer messages. Be super super super strict with who you allow in your life. Have morals. Have values. You don't need to put up with anything for the sake of keeping the peace. Screw the peace. The peace went out the window when that person decided to do what they did to you. Be meaner. Be more selfish with your life. Be really really selfish and mean about your goals, what you want to get from life, the people you want to be around, the places you want to be, the events you want to go to. Don't just hang out with anybody. Don't just go anywhere. Don't just say yes to anything. This is your life, okay? You need to be mean. Be mean. The time of letting people play in your face is done. Okay? I'm telling you, I'm calling it now. It's over. It's done. We're done.

From this point forward, you're going to make a huge pivotal change in your life because if you don't change it, you're choosing it. Okay? What you don't change, you are choosing. You guys are being way too nice to people. And I'm honestly making this video to talk to my younger self. The person that was so focused on being so nice and so kind and a people pleaser and caring about people liking me and caring about being perceived as this really good person. Not for the moral value of it. Not for the moral value of it. I was choosing other people over myself. And I did not like my life at all. I wasn't choosing myself on a daily basis. I wasn't choosing what I wanted to do. I was choosing other people over myself. I was choosing other people's respect over myself. And then I got to a point where I was like, why do I even care? Why do I care about these people? I'm unhappy. I don't like my life. I don't like myself. Why do I care about having that person's approval or that person's validation? Or why do I care if that person likes me if I don't even like me? Because I don't make decisions that make me happy.

You guys need to start doing this. You need to start being mean. And let's face the truth. You're not kind because you actually care about being kind. Okay? Most people don't actually care about being kind. They care about being perceived as kind so that they can get approval from other people. It's just fear of being disliked. When you are a truly confident, happy person and you are selfish and you choose you, you have the space now after choosing yourself and having a happy life because you can look back and be like, "Wow, I made the right decisions. I'm happy." Then you can spread your happiness and be a genuinely kind person. And I'm not saying like go out and be a horrible person and do bad things. No, that's against yourself, too. You're setting yourself up for bad things to happen to you and a bad horrible life. When you do bad things, this isn't about doing bad things at all. This is about being meaner, being stricter, being more cold when it comes to the people that are trying to take advantage of you in your life. The people that want to set you off the path that you're going on, the people that want to take advantage of you, the people that want to use you, the people that are only in proximity to you to see what they can get from you. Be meaner. Your future self will thank you for it. Not being mean, not being more mean about your goals and, you know, cutting people off, disappearing, revoking access to people that do you wrong. That's going to cost you your life. It's going to cost you your entire life.

Be selfish. Pick yourself. Choose yourself. You are allowed to prioritize yourself. You're allowed to choose sleep and peace over someone else's crisis. Why do you think you're responsible for someone else's crisis? If someone else is having all this chaos, why do you think that you need to cosign on that and take care of that for them? Why? No. You need to go to sleep. You need to stop worrying about what everyone else thinks about you. You need to get sleep. Do you know what happens to you when you get no sleep? I used to lose sleep like crazy over the smallest things people would say to me. The smallest little issue in my relationship, the smallest little argument with my friend. I would lose sleep over these people and worry, worry, worry, worry, worry what they're thinking about me, what's going to happen. I don't do that anymore. No. Mm- My peace is way more expensive than someone else's problem. And you should be thinking the exact same thing. Pick your business over someone else's comfort. You're not here to make life more comfortable for someone else. You're here to make your life more comfortable. And if someone else is uncomfortable, it's their job to fix their own life. It's their job to pick themselves, not to drag you down with them. The second you stop doing everything for everyone else and picking everyone else over yourself, obviously you're going to get called selfish. Good. Selfish people build the lives that everyone else envies. Okay? The really, really happy, older, beautiful women that are just glowing from inside out and had a great life. They were the strictest, meanest, coldest people when they were young, setting themselves up for success later in life. Setting themselves up for a happy life. They always are the ones that have the life everybody wants.

You have to be mean. You have to be mean. You don't like the person you're in relationship with. Bye. Not good for you. Bye. If you end up being the girl that sacrifices herself for everyone, you're going to be such a bitter, miserable person. You're going to be resentful and truly just exhausted and giving up on life. Do you want that? I don't think you want that. Who wants that? I refuse to end up like that at any cost. When you're being selfish, you need to ask yourself, does this help my future? Does this align with my goals? Or am I doing this to avoid guilt? Am I doing this for them or for me? Are you doing that thing for them or for you? If any of the answers to this is not in your best interest, what are you doing? Stop doing it. You need to put people in their place immediately. Immediately. If someone disrespects you and you laugh it off, you just trained them. Haha. Yeah. So funny. I'm not going to take it too seriously. Why would you do that? You just like you just told them that they can do that again. You trained them that you tolerated it. You become what you tolerate. Your life is a direct reflection of what you tolerate. So why are you tolerating disrespect from people? Why are you tolerating people using you? Why are you tolerating people going behind your back and trying to sabotage your your whole life? Why are you tolerating it? Seriously, why? Because you're too scared of someone being upset with you if you speak up. You're really too scared that someone else that's doing you wrong isn't going to like you because you are not okay with something they're doing to you. You know how insane that is? I used to think like that. You know, I really really used to think like that. And thank God I changed. People always will repeat whatever it is you tolerate. And sometimes all you need to do is say one thing. That was disrespectful. That's not going to work for me. Oh, I don't like that. I don't like that. And walk away. Walk away. A lot of people are going to say, "Oh, that's so mean. That's mean." Good. Good. Good. If me not tolerating disrespect and choosing a happier, healthier life for myself is mean, then I guess I'm freaking mean and you should be mean, too.

It's so funny because usually if you speak up to someone that's disrespecting you, most likely in a public setting and you say, "Don't speak to me like that." Everyone's going to look at you and be like, "Whoa, you need to chill." Why are we looking at me? Why aren't we looking at the person that just blatantly disrespected me in front of all of you guys? If that makes me a drama queen, mean girl, then I guess I am. But one thing about me is you are not going to disrespect me. And I don't care who's in the room. You're not going to do it. You're not going to do it and get away with it. I'm not going to laugh it off. I'm not going to tolerate that. Because once you have the chance to disrespect me once, you're not going to disrespect me twice. Watch how fast their behavior changes when you put your foot down and you say, "No more. No more." You need to be so clear about the way you want other people to treat you by directly showing them what you're not going to tolerate. Stop allowing things to happen. Oh, just this once. Okay, just this one time. This is the last time. He's just stressed. She's going through a rough time right now. She didn't mean it. Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? I could be going through the most rough time in my life. And I would not disrespect someone and go out of my way who's done to someone who's done nothing wrong to me and make them feel bad just because I'm having a rough time. That is so lazy thinking. That is so unacceptable. And I'm allowed to be this strict because I have these own standards for myself. So I can absolutely demand it from everyone else around me, everyone else that I'm with, every situation I ever have because this is how I am. I'm setting the bar. Not you, not them. When you do this and you make excuses for people, you're negotiating with bad behavior and red flags. You're negotiating with it. Why are you negotiating it? Why? It should just be no. Every single time you excuse someone's bad behavior, you lower the bar of your standards. Your standards get lower and lower and lower. Strict mean people don't ever do this. They don't change their standards for anybody. We're enforcing them. We're always enforcing our boundaries and they are not moving. Our standards are not moving. They're only getting higher. If someone crosses a boundary with you once, address it. If they do it twice, remove them. Duh. Duh. For me personally, depending on the size of the disrespect, usually one is enough. One and done. Bye. I remember everything that someone ever says and does to me when it's disrespectful. And personally, if you do it to me once, every time I see you there on out, I'm just going to be reminded of it and I'm not going to be able to get that out of my head. And I'm not going to be able to see you as I did before. You know, once you get that loser label on you, I can't remove it. So for me personally, for the sake of you and me, one disrespect is enough. You need to be so strict.

Be strict with yourself. This is how most people lose at life and they end up with decisions that they're unhappy with and a life that they're bitter and miserable about. It's super easy to be strict with others and be strict on others and apply your standards and your values onto others, but you need to do it to yourself. Are you disciplined? Are you constantly starting Monday? Are you building your mind, your body, your income? Are you taking care of yourself? If you're not, you're not choosing yourself. You're just not choosing yourself. If you can't even control yourself, you cannot control your own life. Being mean to yourself means no more excuses, no more emotional spirals, no more procrastinating when it comes to your own future, your own goals. No more. You need to be so mean. No, we're not doing that just once. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Strict strict strict hard rules. You want that thing? You want that goal? You better be mean about it. You better be so strict and you better be tunnel vision all the way until the end. You don't need motivation to get there. You just need standards. You just need standards and consistency. But if your standards are inconsistent, it's always going to be moving. It's always going to be changing. There's always going to be something, some reason, some excuse, blah, blah, blah. No.

Also, another thing, you guys, not everyone deserves access to you. You are not public property. You are not, you are not the community center, okay? Community therapist that works for free, giving out your emotional labor and your time and your access and your resources to all these people for free. Why are you telling people your secrets and your plans and your goals and your business idea and your pending patent? Why are you telling people this stuff? Do you want them to plot on you? Do you want them to steal it for themselves? Stop telling everyone what you're building and keep it to yourself. Stop letting people watch every single move you make in real time so that they can study the blueprint and race you or worse, beat you there. Privacy is power. You need to learn how to be private. You need to learn how to keep things to yourself. You need to know how to hold the power over your entire life so that you don't give it away. Access to you is a privilege. Access to your life is a privilege. It's not a right for anybody. Stop overexplaining yourself. Stop going above and beyond for people, giving them essays of explanations as to why you couldn't do something. Just say you didn't want to or you can't. Say no. You don't need a paragraph. Oh my gosh, I'm so so so sorry. I have to. No, just say you can't. Just say you can't or you don't want to. People respect people that are firm and strict and mean in their beliefs and their morals and what they want to do and what they don't want to do. People naturally gravitate towards these people because it's confidence. Okay? When you overexplain yourself, you give away the power. You lose power. You lose confidence and you lose respect. You have to either choose yourself now or regret it later.

Let's get serious here for a second. At the end of your life, when you're looking back, are you going to be proud or are you going to realize you spent decades in the wrong relationship, around the wrong friends, in the wrong city, betraying yourself for other people's approval? That's where the bitterness comes from. Not even from failure. Okay? If you try everything, you put your mind to everything for the rest of your life and you fail, you will look back and still be happy. Wow, I did it and nobody else did. But if you don't even try, you have that fear and that unsettling feeling of never knowing. You'll never know what you could have been, what you could have done. And that is the absolute worst. That is self-betrayal on a level that you won't be able to recover from. Mean women don't end up with regretful lives. They end up with the lives everybody wants because they're strict. They are the ones that end up fulfilled. They are the ones that look back at the end of their life and they're like, "Wow, I'm so proud. I made the right decisions. I really chose myself." That doesn't mean you have to be a horrible, nasty person the whole way through. No, it just means that you're picking yourself and you're choosing what's best and what's smartest for you. And that's really all you can do in this world. Are you serious? Why do you think that you have to take care of everyone else? You weren't put here to take care of everybody else. You only have control over yourself. You can't control anybody. So, why would you even waste your life trying to? You need to get comfortable with people being mad. Let people be mad at you. Let people call you mean. Let people call you names. Let people call you selfish. When you start enforcing your standards and boundaries and being strict, people are going to always have something to say. People are going to be upset about that. This type of growth is going to feel like a direct betrayal to people that were benefiting from your standards being all the way down here. Okay? They're going to think it's a personal betrayal to them because you decided to grow, raise your standards, and direct and demand more out of life and at a higher standard. That's going to feel like a personal betrayal to a lot of people and they're going to be really, really upset and they're going to think that, you know, she thinks she's better than everyone, blah, blah, blah. Who cares? Who cares? You are the one winning. You are the one that's going to win, not them. You are not responsible for regulating other people's emotions. You're responsible for protecting your own future. That's your only responsibility in life is yourself. You immediately fail. Your only responsibility when you neglect yourself and you don't choose yourself. So, I guess that means you're going to have to be selfish and you're going to have to be mean and cold and strict and whatever you have to.

The hardest part about actually making all of this happen is you have to detach completely emotionally. Okay? Not everything deserves a reaction. And the happiest people are the mo are the people that are indifferent. They're detached. They're not attached to outcomes. They're not attached to reactions from people. They're not attached to anything. Not every situation deserves your energy. Mean doesn't mean you need to go be reactive. You don't have to splurge your energy on all of these other people. But when you stop reacting so emotionally and being so emotionally charged, people lose all the power they had over you. You take back your power and you start detaching and you're not emotionally controlled anymore. And that is like the most freeing feeling ever. You need to raise the bar ruthlessly. If your life feels average, it's because your standards are average. Raise them in dating, in friendships, in business, with your health, in how people speak to you. Raise the bar. And don't be scared about it. Be mean about this. Almost every single person on Earth, I'm talking about over 99% of the world's entire global population, lives below their potential because they're too scared to demand more. They're too scared to ask for more. They're too scared to expect more and to have higher standards. Demand more or settle forever and forever hold your peace. Being mean is not about cruelty. This is about self-respect. This is about discipline. This is about you making the right decisions for yourself. It's about refusing to abandon yourself. You can be kind, but you cannot be soft and nice about your boundaries. You can be a loving, caring, you know, genuinely kind person, but you cannot be available and nice and kind about disrespect. You can be generous, okay? But never at the expense of your own future. Never. Not for anybody. Nobody on this earth is worth the expense of your future. Start being mean. Not to hurt people, but to protect you and the life you want to build. And if someone can't handle this version of you, they can't handle that they were only benefiting from the old version of you. Good luck. Start choosing yourselves and I swear your life will drastically improve. Bye.