Transcription
There are things about biological family that are thought about in private, right? That are spoken in a low voice with a trusted friend, but that are rarely said, especially out loud, without feeling guilty. And you know what, I want to put them on the table today. Let's see what these things are. First, blood guarantees nothing. I know. Look, if in your case it does, perfect. Nobody is saying it doesn't. For many people, sharing genetics with someone doesn't automatically mean that person will take care of you, that they will understand who you are, that their values will be like yours. Biology delivers you to a group of people. What you do with that group and what that group does with you, that's another story.
Second thing, you are not obligated for your relatives to be your intimates, because look, you can love someone and not share the deepest part of your life with them. Emotional closeness is a choice, not an obligation that comes with the last name.
Third thing, putting distance is not hate. Sometimes moving away from someone who harms is not out of revenge, nor resentment, nor immaturity. It is pure self-preservation, it is pure self-protection.
Fourth thing, loving from afar is also loving. There are family relationships that only work at a certain distance, I don't know, a short call every 15 days, a brief visit twice a year, certain topics lovingly avoided. That is not abandonment, it is building the format of relationship that can sustain you without destroying you.
And fifth thing, if your family of origin is a home, that also deserves to be named. Because watch out, uh, and I said it before and I want to reaffirm it here, I am not telling you that every biological family is problematic. If yours is a place of care, of respect, of real presence, then what I am going to ask you is the opposite, that you value it, that you name it, that you don't take it for granted, because if you have that family that you love and that loves you deeply, that allows you to be yourself even within the family system, I tell you something, there are people who would kill, would do anything to have a family like yours. And I wonder if you have told them. I wonder if you recognize it. I wonder if they truly feel what you can see from your position. If your family of origin works, embrace it. M.