Transcription
Today, I've got a very special episode for you. We're going to be talking about how things can go from bad to infinitely worse. And as part of this episode, I'll be reading to you from an email that I received from a viewer. And as we follow along, see if you can discover where things actually make that transition from being merely bad to being infinitely worse. Let's talk about it.
For those of you who are new here, my name is John Griffin, and this is Life 2.0. We talk about breaking free of the algorithm and living life authentically. Hope you enjoy the video.
All right, so here's the email.
Hi, John. I really need your advice on a tough situation. My partner just left me after 5 years, and this hits me especially hard because I'm already going through a rough, personal time, and was hoping for her support. I'm the one who always solved her problems, even her debts, and now I'm alone. She has changed a lot recently, and I barely recognize her, which makes the whole situation even more confusing.
All right, here we go. My dilemma with my business. We built a limited liability company together, and we each own 50% of it. Now, she is suggesting I sell my shares to her new boyfriend. Yeah, exactly. I have put an incredible amount of energy and work into this company for the past two years with the goal of achieving financial freedom through it. The kicker is, right now, to grow the company further, we actually need to take out a loan. If I keep my shares, I would have to take on that loan with her. I'd be willing to sell my shares just to get out of this difficult situation. But the problem is they are not willing to pay me anywhere near what I believe my shares are worth. They're talking about half or even less than that. My dilemma is clear. If I don't sell, I risk the whole company going bankrupt. And if I do sell, I won't get a fair price for all my years of work and investment. Do you have any tips on what I should do?
All right. So, the first thing, the first valuable lesson we can take from this situation: don't go into business with your girlfriend or your wife. I have, um, in my 30 years in business, seen a handful of situations where couples went into business together, and I can tell you unequivocally it never works out the way you think it's going to work out. Um, having a relationship is extremely difficult. Owning a business is extremely difficult. So when you take one extremely difficult thing and you multiply it by another extremely difficult thing, yeah, it does not work out well for anybody. So my recommendation right off the bat is never go into business with your girlfriend or your spouse.
Over my years in business, I saw three couples have, um, significant businesses together, and, um, they always start off the same: lots and lots of, uh, um, enthusiasm and optimism, and you know, there's synergy between them, and things go quickly. They grow fast, and so there's a certain amount of success that starts to build. But then, once a business starts to grow, it starts to scale up. Well, the problems scale up too, because now you've got to hire, you've got to have systems and processes, and things get complicated. You need funding for this or that, and, um, problems just inevitably start to come at you.
When you're dealing with this from a purely rational, you know, um, analytical standpoint—like if you're just a business owner or you've got a partner or other business associates and you're trying to solve this problem as a group—well, that's one level of thought. But when you mix that level of thought with the emotions associated with the relationship, where there might be something going on in the relationship that's causing problems, then that carries over into the business, or vice versa. There's something in the business that's having problems, and now you're not getting any at home. You know what I mean?
So my advice to any man who's had any thought along these lines about going into business with his honey: don't. And if you have to, if for some reason you have to, I strongly recommend that you have ironclad legal agreements between you so that everyone knows exactly who's in charge of what. And do not ever do a 50/50. You've got to do a 51/49 because if you have a 50/50, you're inevitably going to have a checkmate. You're going to have a stalemate where nothing gets done because if you both have equal power in the business, then no one has the ability to, um, make the final decision. And you've got to have a, uh, buyout/sell, um, contract. You've got to know exactly what's going to happen if and/or when that relationship fails and one of these partners has to leave. You've got to have a plan in place for that.
So, let's break down what we know and what he could have done differently. Number one, he mentions early in the, uh, email that he was her emotional tampon. You never want to be an emotional tampon. That is not going to work out well for you in the long run. Inevitably, what happens when you become her shoulder to cry on on a consistent basis? I mean, if it's an occasional thing, I mean, obviously you're going to be compassionate, and you want to help her out. But if you become that guy that's solving all of her problems all of the time, well, you're no longer her lover; you're her, I don't know, her friend, her father. You're something else, but you're definitely not her lover anymore. And you do not want to be that guy in that relationship.
Number two, obviously, he mixed emotions with business, and that is something that you generally do not want to do. You do not want to have a relationship—a romantic relationship—with somebody that you're in business with. Like I said earlier, one is extremely difficult, and the other is extremely difficult. And they don't add; they multiply. It's a very complex situation, and you never get away from one or the other. So, you can't get away from work because you're always with her, and you can't get away from her because you're always at work. I mean, the two just completely, uh, make it impossible for you to have, um, peace in your life. You can't get away from the stress; it's always there all the time. So, don't ever, ever mix a romantic relationship with a business. Um, you'll regret it. It may take years for it to come to fruition by the time you regret it, but trust me, you will regret it. I have seen this up close and personal, and trust me, it sucks.
And then the third thing that he, um, made a mistake on is he didn't legally protect himself going into this relationship because it was a romantic relationship. Because there was this implied trust, implied trust, you know, he didn't do what a reasonable and prudent person would do under these circumstances. If you're going into business with your best friend—I mean, your best friend—you're still going to have a legal contract. You know, there's that old saying, you know, "Good fences make good neighbors." Good contracts make good business partners. You do not want to get into a business relationship with somebody and not have a contract to back it up. Anyway, because his mound—his mind—was clouded with, um, you know, thoughts of romance and sex and God knows what, and "I just love her," and "I trust her," and "I'm her emotional tampon," and all that, he allowed her to get the upper hand in this situation. They do not have a buy/sell agreement in place. They do not have a way to get out of this arrangement without somebody feeling like they're getting, you know, um, cheated. And and that's where he is right now.
There's also a little bit of subtext going on here. When you read between the lines, it's more than just about the business and about the romantic relationship; it's about respect. So, in a way, she's testing him to see if he has any self-respect, to see if he will roll over in the face of this adversity. And he's got to make a stand here. You know, he has got to not allow this situation to go the way she has in mind. I've given him some recommendations, and I'd be interested to hear what your recommendations are, and I'll pass them along to him. But I definitely think this is a respect issue. She does not think that, um, he respects himself, and she obviously has no respect for him.
The second thing is I would imagine that the boyfriend is actually pushing her to squeeze him out. Um, he's probably got some kind of, uh, game going himself. He probably sees the opportunity here for a windfall, and, um, he hasn't put in all the time, the energy to build this business up, and now he's just going to step right in. And this woman seems like she's emotionally weak to begin with. So if he's an alpha male, he could very quickly and easily take over this entire business and leave both of them out of it. So I would not be surprised one bit if that's exactly what's going on here.
My advice to this guy was to consider her an existential threat and that he needs to get a third-party valuation for his business. He needs to hire a lawyer. He needs to document all the time, energy, money that has gone into this thing. He needs to do everything in his power to undermine her plan. Um, he needs to see if he can flip this thing around and force her to sell out to him. But as things are right now, the most important thing he needs to do is to switch from seeing her as a, uh, sympathetic figure, a girlfriend, an ex-girlfriend, whatever, someone that he's had sex with, into someone who is an existential threat to his, um, financial survival.
'Cause once you flip that switch and you start looking at this from that perspective, you start finding different ways of attacking the situation. And I think that when men are in, you know, romantic relationships with women and they turn on them—when women turn on men—men go mushy. You know, they become sad. They become, uh, you know, easy to manipulate because they're always sort of hoping that maybe they'll get her back. And she uses that manipulation to control the situation. Um, once a woman goes bad on you, it's like once a dog attacks you, you know, you got to put the dog down, right? So with a woman, metaphorically—not not literally, but metaphorically—you got to put her down. You need to go after her with everything you've got.
To the author of this letter: that woman is not your girlfriend. She's not the woman you fell in love with. She's someone completely different. She's showing you who she really is. Believe her. Do not hold, you know, in the back of your mind the thought that somehow this is all going to be okay. It's not. This relationship is dead. Do not try to revive it. The fact that she's willing to financially screw you over and take your life's work from you and crush your dreams—I don't know what else you need. I mean, that's that's some pretty harsh stuff right there. Yeah, this is over. Don't let her back into your life.
For the rest of you guys, that's why at the end of all my videos, I decided to go back to the tagline, "Stay single." Hopefully, this is a cautionary tale for you guys. And you can see that, um, just because you love her in this moment doesn't mean anything about the future. Live in this moment, yes, but don't make plans with her for the future. Especially when it's one where you have no control. That's why marriage sucks. You know, a business agreement is just as bad, or maybe even worse in some ways, than a marriage. Especially when you're splitting it 50/50. Man, it's that's a tough spot for him to be in. I I empathize with his situation.
All right, you guys. That's all I got for you. I certainly hope you've enjoyed this video. If you have, please like and subscribe. If you know someone who's considering going into business with his honey, please send him this. Please send him this. You will save him tons of money, tons of heartache, and, um, hopefully, if nothing else, he'll have the wisdom to have an ironclad legal agreement that deals with all the potential, you know, problems that this relationship could manifest. Anyway, I'll see you next time. Remember, stay healthy, and if you can, then you can stay single.