Transcription
I would like to thank The Great Courses Plus for sponsoring and inspiring this episode of Terrible Writing Advice. All writing is deception, and what better way to sucker people into buying your book than by promising the inclusion of an epic fantasy battle? So gather the armies, raise the banners, and prepare for war. Let’s get the reader pumped up for that great battle. Raise the tension, build towards this massive confrontation, and then fade to black before having the characters remark what a close battle that was. Ha. Dodged that bullet. I’m sure no reader will feel cheated that the great battle the entire story has been building up to was just mentioned in passing between chapters.
But that’s done. I can just relax now. What’s that? The writers call for aid. And Terrible Writing Advice will answer. If a writer does want to feature an epic fantasy battle, then don’t fear. There are all kinds of shortcuts we can take to save effort. Follow my easy steps to victory, just like how the Romans flawlessly won the battle of Cannae.
Now, the most important part of our battle is context. Specifically, ignoring it. Our single fantasy battle will decide the outcome of an entire war and probably the fate of the world. In fact, our fantasy war should consist of pretty much only this single battle, rather than an escalating series of skirmishes and engagements that eventually spiral into a larger war. Besides, ‘final battle between good and evil’ sounds a lot better on the back blurb than ‘attrition-heavy protracted quagmire’.
Speaking of quagmire, the political maneuvering and breakdown of foreign relations that cause wars can be safely ignored. One or more sides lacking resources? Throw that out the window! Cascade of mutual defense treaties kicking off a major conflict? Ignore that. Two major empires competing for influence over a host of smaller powers? Boring. The myriad of economic, political, and cultural factors that result in wars can be safely boiled down into one side is evil and expansionist, and the other side lives in harmony with nature and their neighbors. Everything was great until that evil empire decided to start their quest for world domination for no good reason at all! Or maybe the Dark Lord wants to enslave and destroy the world. Yeah, I’m sure he can have both of those at the same time.
Now that we’ve done nothing to set up the conflict, we can move on to doing nothing to prepare for the battle. Everyone should just arrive and instantly charge, with the first to fall in battle being planning and preparation. I mean, since when has careful planning and logistics led to victory? If the army on the good guy’s side does make a battle plan, it has no chance of success if the heroes think it won’t work. After ignoring the heroes’ valuable strategic feedback, the forces of light will find themselves hopelessly surrounded and will be forced to rely on the main characters to bail them out. If only they had listened when the hero suggested they use a preparation montage. Those greatly increase the chances of success.
If all goes well after the preparation montage, it’s time to meet the enemy on the field of battle. After the main hero surveys the seemingly endless enemy hordes, a heroic speech is needed to inspire the soldiers. This rousing speech should be so full of clichés and cheesy lines that the troops would rather face death at the hands of the enemy than listen to another word. Then everyone charges dramatically! The opposing force of bad guys, upon witnessing this charge, will form ranks, bracing in a defensive formation while deploying skirmishers to weaken the enemy advance. Oh no, wait. That’s wrong. The bad guys might actually win if they do that. Instead, they’ll charge too. These two massive mobs will meet in the center and fight it out. Wow. The heroes must have really strained themselves to think up that cunning battle plan.
Never should the heroes or villains try any of these common, but useful tactics that, if executed well, make them look really clever.
Defeat in detail: Using a large force to attack smaller enemy forces individually rather than taking on the large main force all at once.
Ambush: Using concealment to attack the enemy before they are ready, while also using terrain and weather conditions to their advantage.
Single or Double Envelopment: Using one or both flanks or ‘outer wings’ of the army to completely encircle the enemy center or to attack the rear of the enemy formation.
Fake Retreat: Pretending to run away in order to lure the enemy out of their formation.
None of these clever tactics mean anything because once the chosen hero defeats the Dark Lord in a duel, the bad guys will either instantly rout or simply die on the spot. I mean, they could have just assassinated the Dark Lord and saved everyone a lot of trouble, or at least magicked him to death from a distance. Eh, that would never work. I can’t see magic having any kind of battlefield applications. That wall of pikemen is totally going to stop a wizard casting fireball. Magic would normally force a writer to reconsider every aspect of military strategy in their setting, but apparently, wizard college exempts you from military service.
Nor should a writer take into account other aspects of their fantasy world-building that would impact warfare. Medieval castles are great defensive structures against dragons. Well… great for the dragons. Don’t worry. Nearly every fantasy author forgets to utilize air superiority. Yeah. Airships are not going to change a single thing about warfare.
But showing off how magic and mythical beasts change the battlefield isn’t the point of a fantasy battle. The sole point of a fantasy battle is to show off how awesome our main hero is and indulge in power fantasy, not use the horrors and hardships of war to challenge our main character and show how his character traits will endure or change when exposed to the extreme stress of battle. How does our main character handle having to kill in the name of king and country? How will our main hero react upon witnessing the pointless deaths war creates? Will he or she come to question their quest after seeing the high cost of battle?
Of course not. No need to acknowledge the sacrifice of all of those regular soldiers fighting alongside the hero who don’t have plot armor. And don’t dwell on the whole ‘war is really, really horrible’ thing either. We can just skip over the messy parts of combat to get that precious PG-13 rating. Besides, the Chosen One obliterating the Dark Lord in one hit with his special powers sounds much more exciting than blood and steel and grit, fighting at the edge of your life with only a single blade stroke between you and death, surrounded by the dying screams of the soldiers around you, dust choking the skies, chaos, exhaustion, and that fleeting hope that maybe, just maybe you will get out of this alive and perhaps even win some glory this day.
Then the true heroes can stand triumphant, the setting red sun fading over a hard-fought and bloody battlefield. Victory! The hero has won the day in spite of his battle wounds… which will probably kill him because antibiotics haven’t been invented yet.
The lecture series Great Military Blunders, taught by Professor Gregory S. Aldrete, inspired the topic for this video. When amateur writers ask me how to handle warfare in fiction, I always recommend reading about the real wars and battles of history for inspiration. This course is one of over 8000 lectures available through The Great Courses Plus. The Great Courses Plus is an online video learning service with lectures and courses taught by some of the top professors from great universities all across the globe, and even utilizing experts from places like the National Geographic and the Smithsonian. They cover an impressive range of topics from history, literature, math, science, music, fine arts, and even cooking and food. Writers might also find the courses on Heroes and Legends, Utopian & Dystopian Literature, How Great Science Fiction Works, and Writing Great Fiction: Storytelling Tips and Techniques of particular interest, along with many other useful topics and skills. The app now has an audio streaming mode that lets you listen to the lecture in the background. And don’t worry. You’re not going to be graded. Enjoy the knowledge of college-level lectures without having to worry about sharing a dorm room with some weirdo who has yet to discover the wonders of deodorant.
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