Transcription
Robert writes, "We hear the word polygamy with Mormonism coupled together. Why is this a trick question? Come on, the media would love nothing more to have Americans believe that anybody who believes what I believe is this guy, uh, what's his name? Jeffers. The guy who, you know, 'Hey, I'm going to marry for the people,' and I'm going to dress them up like we, we live in the 18, 1800s. If I could just get my wives to wear button-up shoes, this guy's a nut job."
"And as tempting as it is to want a bunch of wives, I'm having trouble with one. And then dress them up like we're in the 1800s, I'm going to say no to the whole polygamy thing. It's a perversion of everything we believe in."
"You know, it's an interesting thing. Back, um, around the Great Depression, the Mormons really started to go after polygamists really hard. Do you know what the media did? There's a story, and I don't remember if it was in Life or one of these magazines. The media came in and started showing the plight of these families that were being ripped apart. You can't have it both ways, but of course, that's what they try to do."
"I will tell you, for as hot as polygamy sounds, um, when I was eight, I, I really had a thing for Mary from Little House on the Prairie. She was hot. Then she went blind, but then I thought, she won't be able to see what I look like. It's a perfect match."
"Nobody in the church dresses up like Little House on the Prairie. Um, and anybody who decides in the church that, you know what, I'm going to marry a bunch of people, it's the same in my church as it is in your church. By-bye, you're excommunicated. End of story."
"Polygamy is associated with the Mormons because the Mormons did practice it 122 years ago. They stopped it, so it's long gone. But the question is, why could you possibly practice polygamy? I know this because, um, I thought it was really weird to. I'm like, okay, how did you get to the polygamy thing? And you can't really understand the whole Mormon thing or the whole Mormon culture really unless you know this. And the story of this, this is an original copy of the Book of Mormon. This is something that, um, many people died to have and to read and to share. Um, and you can't really understand polygamy or the faith unless you understand that people died for what they believe in."
"Polygamy, it's in the Bible. Moses, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, David, Solomon, etc., etc., etc. Not entirely clear why it stopped when it started, um, but it was used as a justification at the time because the reason Mormons practiced it in the 1800s for a very small window was because people were dying because of this. There was massive persecution of members of the church."
"They were, if I may, they were sort of the conservative talk show hosts of their day, and the rest of the country was American Airlines. I'm just saying. Um, Mormons had been driven out of New York, Ohio, Missouri, and Illinois. And in Missouri, this happened. This is a little-known piece of history. It's Executive Order Number 44. It is known now in history as the Mormon Extermination Order. This is the only one of its kind in American history. No one has been exterminated before."
"Because, um, it was so horrific, it ordered that all Mormons should be exterminated, killed. You were legally able, according to this order from the governor, to kill a Mormon. You find out somebody's Mormon, kill them or drive them from the state. And mobs did it. Militias carried out the order, and all 10,000 members living in Missouri were killed or driven from the state. And most of them were bound for Illinois, mainly, I think, because they didn't know what Chicago would turn into."
"Um, but members in the Caldwell County were also forced to sign over all of their property, just give it back to the mobs, and then they actually had to pay the militia. And the mob campaigns that were launched against them was kind of bad, really bad."
"The executive order, however, you should know, was quickly overturned, uh, 138 years later in 1976, when Governor Kit Bond formally rescinded the order. I mean, nobody had been killing Mormons for quite some time, but it was really, really bad. Why did that happen? Oh, there's an amazing story on why it happened, but I'll get to that here in a second. The most important thing you have to remember here is first, they're slaughtering the women, are leaving their houses, they're setting their houses on fire. The women go out at night. There's the trail of bloody footprints, is what it's called, where people are, they're just, they don't have shoes on, and they're out in the middle of the snow, and their feet are bleeding, and their husbands are dead. Husbands are dead."
"Then they go from Missouri up to Nauvoo, Illinois. The mobs came in, burned down that city as well, then loaded up their wagons and said, 'Get out.' And the people said, 'You know what? We got to do. We got to cross the plains.' Really, most of the men were dead. The families were ripped apart. They didn't have anything."
"And here's a really great thing. During the Spanish-American War, on their way across the plains, now they're leaving the country. They're not, Utah wasn't the United States of America, it wasn't America. They were leaving the country. And on their way out, Brigham Young says, 'Just found out about the Spanish-American War, guys. It's our duty. Everybody head on out.' And so the Mormon Battalion starts up, and they start crossing America, and it is the largest, or I'm sorry, the longest military march in U.S. history, but nobody ever talks about it. They were being killed, they're leaving the country, and they believe so deeply in this country that they served."
"So one reason for polygamy was there weren't a lot of dudes left, and, uh, everybody's saying, 'We're going to exterminate you.' And they think, 'We are not going to survive. We need to repopulate.' That played a role. But also, women and children were left alone once they came to Utah, again, another country, and they knew that they were secure. Polygamy stopped. It didn't exist before the persecution, and it ended after the persecution. And in total, only about 5% of the Mormons practiced polygamy."
"Now, here's the other thing that, this is kind of the clincher for me on polygamy. You were assigned. It wasn't like you're like, 'You know what? She's pretty hot. I'm going to marry her.' You were assigned. You were like, you'd be called in and they'd say, 'Brother Beck, Widow Schooler over there,' and you're like, 'No, no, no, no, no. I to Schooler? No, please, no.' It was your duty to take care of the family. That's the way it was. If you think that sounds like fun, huh? You got another thing coming. And that's what polygamists are. That's why they're not Mormons. These guys are not Mormons. That's, none of that's going on."
"So why are they doing it? And by the way, Catholics, you'll understand this. Don Corleone, I mean, he was a Catholic. No, no. Neither are polygamists. They're not Mormons."
"Welcome back to the Hypnosis Hour. Um, I, I, uh, I want to just take the, the next question from Bill. And I'm getting a little squirrely because this segment, we're going to talk about magic underwear. Yeah. Bill writes, 'What is it about this magic underwear I hear about all the time?' Let me tell you something. I can pull bunnies out of my pants like that. It is fantastic. No, seriously, I win every card game I'm in."
"Uh, this is a very difficult thing because this is a very difficult thing to do as a member, and it is, um, never discussed because it is, it is to remind us of something very sacred. It's almost like a yarmulke. You know how people wear yarmulkes, and they, and it's to remind you that God is always above you. Um, that's what this is."
"It looks just like a t-shirt. This is just like boxers or shorts, and they go down to about here, and men and women wear them. It's a reminder of the promises that we make at the temple. Many of our traditions are very similar to Jewish traditions. Um, Jewish people wear something called the tzitzit, and you see them, and I mean, I don't know why we wouldn't make fun of that. The garments represent, um, a promise to be faithful and modest, modest and temperate, and it is not easy. It's not easy for guys, um, especially in Texas because it's hot. Um, and it sucks sometimes because your wife can't be hot, you know what I'm saying?"
"Um, my wife goes out to the store and she tries to buy a dress, and it's so frustrating. This was really hard for her for the first couple of years. It's really hard. But sometimes you do things that are really hard, and you keep your promises and your covenants because it means something. It teaches you to be obedient, and it's meaningful. And because it's hard, and because it is so sacred to us, it makes it more hurtful when people mock."
"We had some questions about caffeine. Um, it may come as a surprise, there's no official church doctrine about the use of caffeine. Um, I didn't find this out until I was at, I was, I ordered a Sprite, and my bishop said, 'I'll have a Coke.' And I'm like, 'What? What do you mean, have a Coke?' He's like, 'What do you mean, what am I having a Coke?' I said, 'What about the caffeine thing?' He said, 'Clean. There's no caffeine. There's no, that's not in there.' There is, um, advice against alcohol, tobacco, tea for some reason, and coffee for some reason. Um, some people interpret that as caffeine. Um, it's a suggestion that caffeine may not be entirely good for the body, and so we try to avoid things that are bad for the body. But I drink Coke, and it's not official doctrine."
"It is interesting because over 130 years before the Surgeon General's warning on tobacco, the church advised its members to refrain from chewing or smoking tobacco, and a lot of them did. Um, and people didn't understand it then. Why? What's the problem? I don't know. Just not supposed to do it. Didn't it work out pretty well? In fact, I think it's like an eight-year, the lifespan of a Mormon, a devout Mormon, I think, is like five or eight years longer than the average American. Have to do with clean living, probably."
"If you want to follow it, great. Listen to the advice. You don't. I have a big, you know, fudge brownie and wash it down with some Jack Daniels. I don't really care. Um, I try not to go crazy with caffeine, but I have a Coke here and there, and there's no rule against it. Okay, we're going to do this next segment, but I want you to know if you watch it, I am going to have to kill you because we're going to talk about the secret, secretive temple stuff. That's what everybody's writing about. What, what secretive stuff happens in the temple?"
"Here it is. Nothing. There, there's no secret stuff. There's nothing you can find, you, you will find in a temple that you won't find in the older New Testament. Um, we get married in there. I will tell you that. Um, we get married a little differently in the temple. I was married civil first to, uh, Tanya, a year later we got married again in the temple. And in the temple, we're married for time and all eternity. Oh yeah, you can put up with anything for 40 years, you get out of it at death. Me? No. It's pretty clarifying. I will tell you that."
"When we got married, um, civil, it was really, that's cool, you know, big commitment. When you get married for time and all eternity, my wife and I actually sat down about three weeks later because we were both freaking out. We just didn't want to say. About three weeks later, we're like, 'Okay, okay.' And actually, she had more of this conversation than I did. 'Okay, there's a few things that you do that really drive me nuts, and I can't stand it for all eternity, so you got to fix it.'"
"I know it sounds crazy. People say, 'Oh, you can't do that. You can't really.' I remember when I was, uh, younger, um, and I was just, I wasn't a member of any faith at the time, and my grandma died, and I remember everybody in my family saying, 'Grandma is finally back together with Grandpa.' We just make it official. That's say, um, we also baptize for the dead. What we do is we go to funeral homes and we sneak in at night and we take the dead bodies. No."
"Um, this one actually is, I don't, I'm puzzled why this one is so freaky to people, especially people who read the Bible, read First Corinthians. It's there. It was a practice done by the, uh, the apostles and the early Christians. If you believe in resurrection and baptism, what happens to all the dead? Ain't that a gate? They have to do."
"Debbie wrote the next question. She said, 'Are there liberal Mormons?' No, not a single. Okay, Harry Reid, liberal. I will tell you that. I think Harry Reid, I, Harry Reid doesn't understand how I'm a Mormon, and I don't understand how he's a Mormon. I'm guessing it's not like we don't talk. But, um, just like any church, there are liberal Baptists, liberal Catholics, and yes, just like in your church, they're agonizing. Sometimes I just don't understand. I really don't. But I'm sure they feel exactly the same way about me. I just have the complete knowledge that that they are wrong."
"From Lindsay, she said, 'Why do Mormons get married so young?' This one, I, I didn't even know how to answer this one. I mean, in a society where a major political party believes that you're a child at 26 and you should still be on your parents' insurance, I guess getting married at 19 or 20 seems like infancy. But let's remember, George Washington did surveying of land on his own in the wilderness at 14. He was appointed as surveyor general for Virginia at 17. So, you know, being helpless or useless until you're 35 is a lie. It wasn't always the American way, and it shouldn't be the American way."
"There's some logical reasons for it. I mean, you know, in a church where premarital sex is frowned upon, waiting until you're 28 or 30 years old to get married hurts. Um, but I'm just saying, we believe a great deal in marriage and having children, and we encourage it, and we have large families. And I will tell you that, um, my daughter said to me, she said, 'He's the one.' She's getting married this fall, and she's not Mormon, and, um, she's getting married this fall, and she said to me, 'He's the one, Dad.' And I said, 'When are you getting married?' And she said, 'Well, not until after I get out of college, and then we're going to wait some.' And I said, 'Why?' Well, 'Cuz it's just weird if you get married too young.' And I said, 'Honey, do you love him?' She said, 'Yes.' 'Do you really know that he's the one?' 'Yes.' 'Does he treat you with respect?' 'Yes.' Let me tell you something, when you really find the one that you love, and you know, there is nothing better, nothing more fulfilling than marriage and children. Why are you waiting? Don't wait for societal norms. I mean, is partying till you're 30 better?"
"Dave says he writes from Texas. 'What about your Mormon missionaries? I see them riding around towns on their bicycles. What is it that they do?' This is crazy. This is nuts. From the 18-year-old kid's point of view, I have so much respect for these guys, and I wish, honestly, more churches would do it. My best friend, Pat, his son just left for a mission for two years. He's not going to watch any TV or go to movies. He won't participate in any sports. He can't listen to any music outside the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. And who, what 18-year-old doesn't want to listen to that? You know, and not all their music, just approved selections. I'm not kidding you. And they will devote all of their time to serving the people of Finland. That's where he's going to be stationed in Finland, preaching the word and reading the scriptures, and then, you know, raking leaves. If I don't, do they have trees in Finland? I don't know."
"He can only email his parents once a week with a 10-minute limit. He cannot call home except on Mother's Day and on Christmas. And he will go door-to-door, experiencing a lot of doors slammed in his face, people yelling at him, you know, all the typical stuff that our college-age kids do. He will experience rejection and learn to overcome it. He will, in a very short time, know exactly what he believes and why he believes it, or he'll come home. But most importantly, he will live the exact opposite of a trophy society in a culture where I've got to go find myself while spending $50,000 a year and listen to, um, a bunch of Marxist professors at some liberal college. You kidding me? These guys do find themselves."
"May I recommend, I don't care what faith you are, please do this in your faith. It changes your children. It changes them. It's one of the reasons why Mormons are very successful because they just, they know who they are at a very early age. They come home from their mission, and then they go hang out with Marxist professors, usually, but they know what they believe after two years of that. How much better would anyone be prepared for life? Self-reliance, it's pretty easy later in life after you experience that."
"I'm not trying to convert you. Um, there's no Mormon, Mormon missionary SWAT team sneaking up on your position right now that I'll tell you about. I just want you to, I just want you to maybe take a second and consider that Mormons aren't weird. They just believe things that you might think are weird, but it's not weird to be a Mormon. Um, and it's not weird to be president if you're Mormon. 18% of Americans, and this is the point, 18% say they can't elect. And that's amazing. I mean, if you don't like Mitt Romney for a myriad of reasons, don't vote for him. But if you're, I mean, if he's, if he's not drinking coffee because of the hamster sacrifice in the temple, oh, did I say too much? That's weird. But if he's, if he doesn't drink coffee because he doesn't want to be on edge, addicted, or unable to start his day like a gauged animal without coffee, or he just wants to be obedient to something that he believes, that's not weird. That's a good thing."
"Back in a minute. I'm going to tell you something here that I, I, I don't know if I've ever told you before, but I don't think this is going to come as a surprise to you. I do what I do because of my faith. I say the things that I do, the good parts, not the bad parts, because of my faith. Because of my faith, I am not afraid. It's why I do have hope, quite honestly."
"The leaders of my church would most likely caution me not to be so dire and doomsday all the time, and I'm only guessing that because they're not. And they teach that tough times are coming, but most likely, if you pay attention to the news, you teach, teach the same things. Early on, when I was at CNN, I went to one of the leaders of my church and I asked him for advice. I said, 'I'm way over my head. I don't know what I'm doing.' And he gave me advice that I'd never forget. It shocked me, and it strengthened my faith. He looked me right in the eyes and he said, 'Listen to me. Never allow any other man to direct you. Get down on your knees and ask God. This is your calling. It's your work, and it's with Him. And no matter how well-intentioned somebody might be, even me, their advice might cause you to deviate from that course by 1%, and that is too far off course. His purpose. Use Him as a compass.' That is powerful advice."
"My advice to you in a nutshell, here's what you need to know about my faith. God lives. We survive. America flourishes. The Messiah came, and He will come again. Be good to one another. Give until it hurts. Give to the poor, the hungry, and the underprivileged. Obey God. Make a covenant with Him. He keeps His word, but be on His side. Don't try to get Him on your side, homie. Don't play that game."
"My faith teaches me, do not be a victim. There's a reason for everything. Get up. Stand up straight. Remember who you are. Cross the plains and the prairies and the Rocky Mountains if you have to, because there is a better tomorrow right on the other side, and you will be stronger because of it."
"There's a great hymn that was written as they crossed the mountains and their menfolk had died, and they were bearing their children in the soil of the plains. The hymn is called 'Come, Come, Ye Saints,' and it is the most uplifting song I've ever seen. With everything that was going on, they said, 'All is well. Our God will never us forsake, and we will fill the air with music and sing His praises.' I believe it. I want to be more optimistic. I want to be stronger, and my faith helps me do that. May yours do the same. From Dallas, good night, America."