Transcription
Every time you open your mouth and you speak, people unconsciously categorize you into one of these three categories. Are you an awkward communicator? Are you a pretty good communicator? Or are you a natural communicator?
And after 15 years as a communication coach training Fortune 500 companies and speaking to millions of people around the world, I've discovered that you can tell which level someone sits at based on how they use their voice, how they use their body language, and how they use their words. I'm going to explain the exact behaviors at each level. So, by the end, you know which category you're in, and you'll know how to progress from one category to the next.
To make this even more fun, we're going to put these people you see here on the table into one of these categories and see if you can guess where they sit on the board. Well, why's my face there, Ben? Well, Craig, it's so we can demonstrate to the audience there's a level lower than rookie.
Let's start with the rookie communicator. And chances are most people belong in this category without even realizing it because they don't know what they're doing wrong. It's a stage called unconscious incompetence. So, let me once and for all make you aware on how to become a natural communicator by first becoming more aware of what makes a rookie.
The first thing that makes a rookie communicator sound awkward is flat delivery. There is no variation in the way they speak. Every word at the same speed, the same pitch, the same volume, and the same emotion from the first sentence to the last, kind of like my GPS trying to point out directions to help me find cheap fuel, which doesn't exist anymore. Thanks, Mr. Trump.
Then there's vocal fry. You know that low, creaky, gravelly quality that happens to your voice when you speak at the end of your breath. Oh, hey Sam. How you going? Sam, I got a quick question for you. What's an average day of our work life going to look like once AI agents and AI robots take over the world? I don't really know what this is going to feel like to live through. Um I think we're in uncharted waters here. Uh I do believe in like human adaptability and sort of
Thank you, Sam. I'm going to stop you right there. You see, that's a great example of vocal fry and what not to do. Sam, unfortunately, mate, you live right here under rookie. Oh, and and and Sam, please don't cancel my AI subscription. I need it.
Oh, how can we forget the um uh uh like you know what I'm talking about. It's the filler words and the non-words. Everybody does this. It's normal. It's okay if you're doing it every now and then. It only becomes a problem when you use it every single sentence with every single breath that you take. That's when it becomes a problem, and it signals that you're unsure, it makes you unclear, and then you seem unconfident.
I hate to call this out, and I don't mean to just pick on tech CEOs, but Mark Zuckerberg, Elon Musk, you both also belong here. I just want to be really clear here. These are some of the most brilliant thinkers on planet Earth, but watch how they speak in these clips and see if you can notice the behaviors we just talked about. Go [ __ ] yourself. Oh, sorry. Sorry. Wrong clip. Wrong clip. Roll the next one. Um uh that's I I just want to really have um a a global platform that brings together like like I said, like it's becomes close to sort of a collective consciousness uh um and um you know, like and one of the things that we've introduced of
You see that? You hear that? The content of what they're saying might be interesting, but the delivery, the way they're saying it, it makes it extremely difficult for you to listen, right? I know what you're thinking here. But then, these people are wildly successful. They're even more successful than you. What are you talking about? They don't even need communication skills. You know what? You're right. If you are Mark Zuckerberg, if you are Elon Musk, if you are Sam Altman, you don't have to improve your communication skills. These guys are pioneers. Go save the world. Go get us to Mars. But if you're a mere mortal like you and I, and you're not as technically brilliant as them, nor do you have billions of dollars in your bank account, then I encourage you. Don't stay a rookie. Level up your communication skills. And by the way, Sam, Mark, Elon, if you ever want coaching personally directly with me one-on-one, just DM me. I'll help you amplify your impact. Actually, sorry. Not you, Sam. You're scary.
Okay, moving into body language. So, how do rookie communicators use their body? Short answer, they don't. And I mean that literally. Zero expression. In this category, people just don't know what to do with their body. They don't know what to do with their hands. They don't know what to do with also the space that they've been given. Guess what? They do nothing with any of it. They may as well not have any bloody hands.
And just to make it clear for you what rookie body language looks like and awkward body language, come. Follow me. Come follow me. All right. Come with me on a wonderful adventure as we go and explore the wilderness. We're on the hunt for a strange creature. Now, if we look through the trees here, what you can see is what we call Homo erectus in his native habitat. Notice his hands, terrible posture, weird movements, and awful eye contact. Oh god. Oh no. Hope he's realizing his body language has failed him. Oh no. He's now resorting to his mating call. Oh god. We better get out of here. Nature is relentless.
So, the moral The moral of the story is don't be like Homo erectus, or as I like to call him, Homo Peter. It's time to evolve. Look, all jokes aside, there was a time when I was actually like Peter as well. And let's call that version of Ben Homo Ben. Let me bring you back to that time. When I was 13, my entire year level, all the guys had a crush on this one girl. Her name was Daniela. And I had a strategy on how to win her love. I knew that her parents drop her off really early at school because they had to work early. So, she would always be at school at 8:00 a.m. So, I strategically was also there at 8:00 a.m. And she was only one at school. I was only one at school. Oh, how weird. So, I would sit on the other side of the bench to where she was sitting because I was way too scared to sit any closer. And every now and then, just look over and admire her beauty. But then, the moment she looks at me, I would quickly look away because I was too scared to make any eye contact. And in my mind, I was thinking, "Oh my goodness, this is like The Notebook. I'm being so romantic." Without realizing that I was coming across as a freaking psychopath because that's all my body language was communicating. Needless to say, she thought I was a creep because I was.
What I hope you realize as we're going through these behaviors is that they're just behaviors. They're not permanent. You can change them. You're not a bad communicator. You just have bad communication habits. And once you learn the better vocal habits and the better body language habits, you unlock a whole new version of yourself that you didn't know was possible. Don't be so attached to who you are in the present, you don't give the future version of you a chance.
All right. Now, how does a rookie communicator use their words? Well, there is no structure when they speak at all whatsoever. They often speak in circles. There's no clear point to what they're saying. They're literally just winging it. And as a result, they ramble and they get stuck in their thoughts, and this forces their listener to do all of the cognitive work as they try to decode what's actually being said.
In my communication classes, I often get my students to do a simple exercise, which gives them a completely fresh perspective on whether or not their communication is effective. I ask them a random question on the spot, and they have to give a 2-minute answer that isn't scripted. And when we put that into an AI tool like Gemini, which transcribes the video into words, we now can break down exactly how they're structuring their sentences, where they're repeating themselves and talking in circles, and where they're not being clear and concise.
The reason people never improve their communication skills or ever move away from being a rookie is because they never develop self-awareness. So, you on the other side of the screen right now, do the same thing. Record a video of yourself on your phone answering this question for me. Why do you want to improve your communication skills? Then put it into Gemini as well and get it transcribed. And then you can see, is it clear? Is it concise? What are your filler words? What are your non-words? This is how you start your journey of developing self-awareness. And if you don't do this, you'll be forever stuck in rookie land.
So, here are my final picks for rookie communicators. We have Kamala Harris, Kim Kardashian. Congratulations, you've made the board. And finally, we have Lex Friedman. I'm sorry, Lex. I really do like your podcast, but I have to listen to it on two times speed, otherwise I I I I can't do it. I can't do I just can't do it.
Okay, now we're on to the next one. Pretty good communicators. I'm going to pin a few more faces into this category, and I'm going to explain my decisions why later. We got to go with Alex. Alex Hormozi, you are going here. Serena Williams, you're going right there. Mark Manson, right there. And the final person I'm putting here is NK BHND.
This is where things get interesting because pretty good communicators have actually done some work on the communication. Maybe they've read some books. Maybe they've even taken a few courses like my online program, The Stage Academy. Links in the description. But here's what separates them from the rookies. I want you to imagine this up here. This up here, what you see there, this is like a scale that represents the full range of your communication ability. Rookies only use a very small part of the scale. For example, when it comes to their voice, they default in just one volume. They default with one rate of speech. They default with one pitch. They default to just one emotion. Very monotone.
Now, when you look at pretty good communicators, what they do is they start to use more of their range. You'll notice that with their voice, for example, they vary their volume more. They'll start to vary their body language more. And they're more strategic with how they use their words.
So, let's zoom in to how pretty good communicators use their voice. You know this, they've got range. They know the basics. They are not monotone. They have melody. They know how to be dynamic with their volume. They know how to use speed to hold people's attention. And they're not drowning in ums and ahs. But, here's what keeps them stuck in pretty good. Although they've got more range, they play it too darn safe. And they're afraid to play at the edges because they're afraid that if they are too playful with their voice and play at the edges, people won't take them seriously. And this is a natural fear. As you're learning a new behavior and learning something that's unfamiliar to you, you're going to be scared of this. For many of my students who come to my classes, I force them to play outside of their comfort zone. And I get them to play keys on their instrument they've never played before. And yes, it's uncomfortable. And yes, what I'm trying to do here is get you to unlock your entire instrument, not just a small part of it.
Let me show you an example now with old mate Homosi. Listen to this clip of him speaking on Diary of a CEO. Looked at the outliers among those and we're like, oh, well, we also in some of the ones that did really well, also had some sort of visual picture of of this plan. All right, so it became proof, promise, plan, picture. Look, in this clip, he's pretty good. He's pretty good. He did vary his volume. He did vary his rate of speech and pitch. But, notice how he didn't play at the extremes. But, I want you to watch him in this interview now where he was sitting across from Anthony Robbins. I get married this Friday night. It's Tuesday morning lately. But, but that was infectious. Right? You know? And and this is you, right? Okay, so who is this guy? ANABOLIC ALEX. HE STARTED TO PLAY with his instrument more. And look at the comments. Look at the people praising him. They're saying, "Wow, this is a version of Alex I've never seen before." They're complimenting how authentic he is, how natural he is, how they're seeing all of Alex. And that's what happens when you use the entire range. And I just want to remind you, the key thing that stops people from using more of their range is the fear of judgment. They are scared that other people aren't going to take them seriously. And as a result, they don't play, they don't explore, and they stay trapped being a pretty good communicator. When they have the potential to become so much better. Oh, and uh PS, the fear that you have about other people judging you, it's not real because most people aren't thinking about you anyway. They're thinking about themselves. So, don't let a false fear keep you trapped.
Okay, body language. How does a pretty good communicator use their body? Well, come with me. Let's see if Pete's evolved. Oh, where is he? Oh, there he is. Oh, okay. He's done some work on the basics. He's not shrinking, not fidgeting. Oh, his posture is solid. Oh, he knows where his hands roughly should be. He's making good eye contact. Oh, but there's a problem. His gesture vocabulary is limited to only a few movements. And he keeps cycling between the same ones. Gradually, Kent starts to notice and he starts losing interest. Peter, desperate at this point, attempts to re-engage by moving faster and faster. At this point, Kent's found a more engaging mate. It's a disappointing day for Peter Erectus.
That skit right there was to show you what happens when you have limited gesture vocabulary. Now, let's get into a real example even the best communicators fall victim to. Last year, I went to go see Mark Manson, the author of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a [ __ ] Now, I love this guy. I love his books, his content, his wisdom. He's just awesome. However, I want to show you how repetitive non-functional body language can rob you of influence and presence. And how does one define non-functional behaviors? Simple. If it distracts people from the message, it's a problem. It's non-functional. I want you to see what Mark was doing that was distracting his audience from the message. Do you find this distracting? Do you think his movements are necessary? Do you think this adds to the message or do you think it takes away from the message? What about if I did this for the rest of the video and I just kept moving around like this? I want you to apply this lesson to me right now because it doesn't matter whether you are on a stage or you're creating a YouTube video or you're standing in front of two people talking, repetitive movements like this, it actually adds no purpose. And as a result, it distracts people from the message you're trying to say. So, the rule here is simple. Only move with purpose. If there's no reason for the movement, don't move. Pro communicators understand when to use movement and when to harness the power of being still and grounded. And they apply the sensitivity to all areas of body language. So, do a quick analysis on yourself right now. When you communicate, do you use your body language intentionally to support the things you say? Or are you leaving it up to chance? And do you know if you're doing anything with your body language that's distracting others? Do you know what I used to do that I wasn't even aware of? I kept touching my glasses. And I would do this 10 times a minute, 20 times a minute. Removing these 1% of non-functional behaviors over time, they compound.
All right, stay with me here. Once you learn how to use your voice and your body language well, you now need to learn how to turn your thoughts into words faster and structure your communication so that it's clear and concise. This is where pretty good communicators really start to shine because they learn how to use frameworks. Prep, star, 321, para, peel. These are all acronyms that represent all the different communication frameworks. And there are dozens of them. What they do is they help you structure your thoughts before you speak. Most people have the problem of struggling to communicate on the spot when they're put under pressure. This is why people freeze. This is why people ramble. This is why people end up talking in circles. It's literally you speaking out your thinking process which people don't need to hear. But, what a framework does is it acts as a filter. It distills your thinking into a meaningful, clear, concise, and coherent response. Now, when you do this, the person listening doesn't have to work to follow your thinking because you've done the work for them. The best communicators use frameworks. And if you want to learn my top three frameworks that I use every single day and even in this very video, make sure you check out the free 2-hour crash course that I recorded. I go a lot deeper on this subject. When you learn these frameworks, you'll be surprised how fast you can turn your thoughts into words and communication will feel easy.
If you've made it this far, well done! Because you're about to learn the exact behavior that makes someone appear to be a natural communicator. Natural communicators, they're not afraid of using their entire range. This is where I put the rest of the communicators here on the table. Shadae here. Simon. Mel Robbins. And finally, Neil deGrasse Tyson. They all use their voice, their body language, and they use their words intentionally to get their message across. And they do this effortlessly and unconsciously. Unlike the rookie and the pretty good communicators, natural communicators no longer have to think about it. They do this now unconsciously. And the beautiful part about this is now you bring this ability into every single conversation, into every single room that you step into. That's why I believe improving this skill will change your life because you use it in every single area of your life.
Then, why are you even whispering at this point? Well, because Homo Erectus is back. Come with me. We have to be really quiet. Look at him now. So refined. Seamless integration between voice, body, and words. Oh, look, he's managed to attract another potential mate. Look, they're frolicking. Oh, look at them frolicking. This is the highest praise one can achieve in the animal kingdom. Homo Peter has done it. These skits have been amazing. Well done to my entire team. Hey, let's celebrate them by liking the video and subscribing. Catch great. Oh, god. You're very good at disappointing me and everybody in the team.
So, what does a natural communicator sound like? They have access to their full range like I said before. But, let's dive into it more specifically. They have five dials available to them and they're using all five dials simultaneously, full range without even thinking about it. Rate of speech. They can go fast to show passion and then they can slow down to emphasize what's important. Volume. They can go loud to show vitality and then they can soften their volume to show intimacy. Pitch. They can go high pitch. They can be really playful with their voice to show warmth and playfulness. And then they can go low pitch to show authority. Tonality. They can inject emotion into their voice to sound more authentic and less robotic. The pause. They know how to pause to create impact.
Now, I want you to listen to some of these clips from the people here, and I want you to see if you can notice them using these five dials. There is so much more that led to that situation. Maybe that person was having a really bad day. Maybe that person's relationship just broke down, and you're meeting them right at that point. Maybe they're in pain. And yet, we have this 1-second, 2-second, 1-minute interaction. Our brain goes into what you see is all there is. And you forget that there's so much else. What is the let them theory? So, it's a simple truth about life. Okay. If you want more peace, if you want more power, if you want more time and energy, stop trying to control and change other people and learn how to let them be who they are, let them have their opinions, let them do what they're going to do, and then focus that time and energy back on yourself. We got our sense of belief from church. Work was the place we made our living. We had barbecues with our neighbors, and over time those things have disappeared, and now we demand of our work that you be the place of of purpose, you be the place of community, you be the place of my social life, now you be the place that matches my politics. We're putting all this pressure on work to fulfill every desire I have, and we're doing the exact same thing with our relationships.
Notice the variety across the five dials. The variety in their voice is what holds attention, creates engagement that leads to influence. That's what makes these communicators masterful. They use all the elements of their voice.
Next, how do natural communicators use their body language? What sets them apart from everybody else is that they can express their full range with intentional expression. They have a larger gesture vocabulary. They give more powerful eye contact. They move with purpose, and the most important is that they understand the importance of facial expressions. Because think about this. Where are most people looking while you're talking? Where are you looking right now? You're looking at my face. People are looking at your face the most while you're talking. People don't realize that their face is often a part of their body language. Because of this, they never engage in their face while they're talking, and they end up with an RBF for most of their lives, and they wonder why people don't find them easy to connect with. And let me explain why being able to express emotion on your face is so critical. When people see the emotion in your face, but they don't hear the emotion in your voice, then they don't feel it. So, in order to make people feel what you're saying, they need to hear the emotion in your voice and see the emotion in your face. The natural communicators understand the importance of syncing how they look to how they sound, which ultimately impacts the way people feel. That's an entirely different plane of communication that most never access. Just compare these two examples of me saying something without emotion and with emotion. I'm really sorry, honey. I'll promise I'll never forget Valentine's Day again. You mean the world to me. I'm really sorry, honey. I promise I'll I'll never forget Valentine's Day again. You mean the world to me. It made no difference to my wife whether I had emotion in what I said or not, because she's still pissed about it. But for most people, it's super effective. So, whether you're a rookie or a pretty good communicator, you can level up your communication by simply learning how to express more emotion with your face. Because it brings you to life, and it adds a layer of meaning that words alone can't.
And now to the final one, and I'll reveal this right at the end, because I want to demonstrate it for you first. Natural communicators understand that there are so many other ways to communicate a message that aren't just purely with using words. They have frameworks. Yes, they do. They use them all the time. But added to this, they now use stories, analogies, activities, props, David Attenborough skits like the ones I've used throughout this video to keep you engaged. So, for this example, I'll show you how I can say the same thing, but deliver it using an analogy, a prop, and with a story.
If I wanted to communicate to you the message that you should go and read more books, I could simply tell you, "You should read more books. Books are good." Now, although this is true, it's not very influential, is it? Now, let me show you how I can communicate the same thing with an analogy, a prop, and a story. Reading is to the mind like exercise is for the body. The more you read, the healthier your mind becomes. When someone creates a video on social media, they might have just spent a few hours thinking about what they're going to say. What you're consuming, it's momentary entertainment. But when someone writes a book, this is different. They've given years of their life to get the message right. They've taken years to distill every single page, and this is a result of research, experience, failure, and learning. So, when you read this, you're not just consuming information, you're absorbing someone's life's work. That's a very different thing as to consuming a social media video. Books are good.
When I was in my mid-20s, I lost half a million dollars because of a single mistake that I made with my online magic business. I was sitting in a room feeling sorry for myself, and then my dad walks in. And my dad says to me, "Why do you think you the fail?" And I shrugged, and I said, "I don't know, man. I'm really not in the mood for a lecture." And then he walked straight over to my bookshelf, and he pulls one of of my books off it, and he waves in front of my face, and he goes, "You fail because you have no the soldier in the army." And I remember thinking to myself, "Don't give me this Confucius crap." And then he says something truly brilliant, my dad. He says, "Son, every time you read a book, that author stands behind you in an army ready to fight in whatever battle you call him or her soldiers if you want to win the battles of entrepreneurship." Now, at that time, I had about four books on my shelf. So, that's four soldiers. Then he reached into his pocket, grabbed his credit card, and said, "Go build your damn army." You know, the reason I'm telling you this story is because often in life, when you don't achieve the things you want, it's rarely because you're not capable. It's often because you just don't know how. You don't have enough soldiers in your army. Books are good.
Do you see how many ways you could communicate the exact same message of read more books? This is their secret. They use their entire word toolkit. The best communicators, the natural communicators, they know exactly when to use which one of those tools.
So, listen. I want you to know that no matter where you are on your communication journey, becoming a natural communicator is possible. I mean, how can I say this with such conviction? Well, let me ask you. Where do you think I fit on this board? Look at this handsome chap in a turtleneck trying to be like Steve Jobs. Where do you think he goes? You're most likely thinking that I go right here, don't you? And if you were thinking that, you're correct, because I'm pretty bloody good, aren't I? But you know what? You're also wrong, because I've also been here. And I've also been here, too. English is my third language. I first learned Teochew, which is a Chinese dialect, then I learned Vietnamese, and only learned English when I was about 8 years old. I struggled with communication my entire life. And as a kid from a refugee family like mine, I went from being someone who was completely invisible to now being one of the most visible thought leaders teaching the very skill that I used to suck at. I mean, if that's not proof that being a natural communicator, becoming a better communicator is possible, then I don't know what is. What I'm saying is, if I can do it, you can, too.
You see, there's a final mystery face that's on the table here. I mean, who is that? Well, that's actually you. But not you right now. This is the future version of you. This is the version of you that will be able to become a natural, a masterful communicator. So, don't be so attached to who you are in the present that you don't give this future version of you a chance.
Leave a comment below. I'd love to get a sense of where you're at on your communication journey. And if you want to level up immediately, make sure you go check out my free crash course on communication frameworks. That's in the description, or once again, you can scan the QR code that's on screen. See you in the next video.