Transcription
Lust. No matter how pious a man is or how much knowledge he gains, this test returns repeatedly throughout his life. I see the comments from brothers every day. I can't stop looking. I feel trapped in this vicious cycle, and I keep returning back to the same sin. Even many brothers are not exempt, for they're struggling with this test of their desires as well. If you're one of these men, you are not alone. Many men suffer through this, but few talk about it.
You may have taken all the strategies that are necessary: taking cold showers, recognizing the triggers, fasting, exiting certain groups, leaving certain friends, and you may have been successful for a small amount of time, maybe a couple of weeks, months, or maybe even longer. But that struggle comes back with a vengeance. And maybe, in fact, you've asked yourself, why does Allah test me with this sin so hard? And why is it harder to alleviate and eliminate than the others?
The truth is, is that Allah created men to have a natural desire for women. This is nothing to be ashamed of. The Prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam even acknowledged it when he mentioned in an authentic hadith: The Prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam said, "What has been beloved to me in this world is women, fragrance, and the coolness of my eyes has been established and made in prayer." But understanding why Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala made this test so challenging and why it also serves as one of the greatest opportunities for men is what men never grasp.
In this video, I want to share with you the deeper wisdoms behind Allah testing us with lust. Insights from the Quran and Sunnah that changed my perspective on this struggle. Understanding the wisdom behind this struggle doesn't make the lust disappear. Rather, it equips us on how to properly use it and respond in a way that pleases Allah. So we're going to cover three principles and the wisdoms behind these principles of how Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala created it, legislated it, and always gives us the opportunity to use that which He has given us in a way that pleases Him and rectifies and helps others on this earth.
The first of them being that lust is natural. We spoke about this earlier. Lust is natural, meaning that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, that Allah has placed it inside of us as human beings and then particularly in a different manifestation in men. So lust is present in women, and it's present in men. It may be expressed in different ways in women as it is in men, but it's important to know that it is natural. Why is this principle important? Because the fact that we have lust, we should not feel that we are sinners, or we should not feel that we naturally are people that will be destructive, or we as men, because of this lust and because of aggression, that we are inherently toxic. No, lust is a natural characteristic.
So I think it's only right to start with the story of Adam and Eve. Adam was born without a father and mother, and Hawa was born—came from the rib of Adam—but the desire was there with Adam and Eve, particularly also as well. Allah speaks about it in the chapter of ar-Rahman, 19-22, and in the chapter of Al-Baqara as well, when Allah starts off by saying, when He told—we told Adam to live in Jannah. And I want to capitalize on this portion of the verse before I get to the point. Allah tells Adam and Eve to stay in Jannah, to live in Jannah, relax—really means like a to relax firstly in an abode to where you can consume and utilize everything in it. As much as you wish. As much as you wish. As much as you wish. But there's only one thing: Don't come close to that tree. Allah has given you everything that your eyes can see in Jannah except that one thing. To the degree He said, "Don't come close to it." He didn't say, "Don't eat from it." He didn't say, "Don't touch it." Don't come close to it.
And there's a side point here in Islamic law, or even we say from the wisdoms of—wisdom of Islam, is what they call satr. That is, in Islam, there's a concept of closing the pathway to that which is haram. So do not come close to the tree. Don't come close to the actual thing that I'm prohibiting you from. In actuality, coming close to it is prohibited. You know the Prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam, he said in an authentic hadith: They said [Music] He said that verily a law is written upon the son of Adam that they will inevitably have their portion of zina. And he goes on, continues, and he says, he said that the zina of the two eyes is looking, and the zina of the tongue is speaking, and the soul desires and wishes for it, and the private parts affirm or deny it. So he's showing that these body parts are the pathways to using the private part. The body part can lead to the usage of the private part. That's why some people say that the two eyes are the window of the soul. Hence, Allah orders us to lower our gaze.
So when talking about this verse, Allah said, "Don't come close to the tree, for you will be of the zalimin." The next verse, verse number 20, Allah talks about when Satan came to them after this. This is the premise. Allah has given you all of these faculties. But Satan came to them in what? What did he say in the last second half of verse number 20? That your Lord did not deny you from these—this tree—except that He doesn't want you to become—oh, to be—to live forever.
The third principle regarding this is that it is neutral. It is neutral. So when we talk about lust, it is a feeling, but that feeling can be used in that which is right or that which is wrong. And it's the responsibility of a man to be responsible with those feelings. We talk about emotions. Well, the man is someone that should know how to control his emotions, particularly if he's married. Because if he's going to lead, he has to lead with facts. He has to lead with logic. He has to lead with emotion. But the emotions do not dictate his decisions. And lust should not dictate a man's decision.
And this is important because, you know, we're seeing in society now with the hookup culture and even the soft kind of hookup culture within the Muslim community, Subhan Allah, is that our lusts drive us. Is that if she's beautiful, that's all that matters. The qualities of the Deen are compromised because our lust, our emotions are overpowering us. And this is particularly one of the wisdoms behind the impermissibility of mixing between genders because the lust is naturally there. But it makes it much more difficult to control them when you're in a place that calls you or has the potentiality to call you to that which is not to your benefit in this life and in the next.
The Prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam said that, "I have not left a fitna much greater—that I have not left you a fitna much greater for men than women." This does not mean that women are evil. This does not mean—well, I committed this sin with this woman, and it's her fault, as you hear some foolish people claim. It does not mean that. It means that as-Sahabah said that there is a fitna—that there is a natural desire for women in men. Men naturally desire them.
So with this—this neutral characteristic that Allah has created us with and the feelings that we may have—that leaves the room for, lack of better words, of responsibility for you to make the right or the wrong choice. And make no mistake, taking a step back, anything that is halal, when you work and act in the halal way, you receive reward for it. It's not that sometimes we think that when I do something halal, I'm just not going to get in trouble. At the same token, that may be the case, but you receive reward from it. And the response and the result of that reward is further staying away from the haram internally.
So when the Prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam said in a hadith—a long hadith—he mentioned—it's authentic—he mentioned, "And in your private parts there is charity," which means—"and in your sexual acts there is charity," meaning that when you are with your wife and you are intimate with her, there is reward. The companions were amazed, and they [Music] said, "Oh Messenger of Allah, is it the fact that if you were to fulfill our desires? If one fulfills his desire, he received reward for it." Notice this desire is neutral, and he's fulfilling it, right? But then the Prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam gives us a logical answer but responds with—responds with it in a way that ties them together, something that we know logically as someone who—scholars would use this as a proof of analogy, logically tying it to the spiritual, and this is important when we talk about the purpose of a man that he wants to do it to please Allah.
The companions were concerned; they said, "If one of us fulfilled his desires, there's going to—he's going to be rewarded for it." The Prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam said, "izz." The Prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam said, "Do you not see that if a man was to use this private part or to do this action in something that is haram or in a haram way, will he not receive the punishment?" Yes, he will. If he was to be with someone that's not his wife, be intimate with them, or take the means that predominantly would lead to intimacy—predominantly looking, touching, uh, uh, speaking in a way that could lead to that impermissible act. He says, "So in that fashion, if he was to use it in a halal way, he will receive reward." This is—so this hadith is so important because when we look at the concept of it being a neutral characteristic that leaves a room for responsibility, and also when talking about toxic masculinity—the reason why we as Muslims and, you know, for sisters out there, women out there—why men have an issue with this term, toxic masculinity, it's particularly if you're saying that men inherently are toxic. I think the problem is, and Allah knows, is that when we see the fallacy of certain men that are performing haram, that are doing haram things, they're treating people unjustly. They're treating women unjustly. They have the wrong thoughts about women, which comes to beliefs about women, which will therefore translate into actions. Women are lesser than—lesser than us. Women just should be quiet and not say anything. And if they do say something, they're prone to be punished. And that is in a physical way because why? Because we're animalistic, and they have to be patient with that and they need to know that. And as soon as they get out of line, we put them back in line. That's toxic. But every man is inherently not like that. Every man inherently has the qualities of aggression. But how does he use it? Does he use it to rob a woman because she's a woman and she's weak, which is true, or does he use it to protect that woman because she's weak? And this is true. Weak, meaning that she's generally weaker than a man, and that's why he chose to rob her rather than rob the other man down the street. This is important. This aggression is used in the right way. Lust can be used in a way that is right, which we talked about earlier. The lust is needed to establish and maintain a marriage. At the same time, this lust is neutral. And it's important for us to know as men that we have to be responsible with that lust. Allah has created us with it; there are going to be fitan, and these trials and tribulations—He's given us the raw material in order to use it in the right way, and this hadith is a daleel in that regard.
So now that we understand these three principles of lust, it really can be applied to many other feelings that we have—that it is natural, that it is neutral, and that it is needed—right? Which leaves us with the responsibility of using this faculty in the right way—what Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, that He—the Creator—has created within us, and He has given us the framework in the system to use those created—created characteristics in a way that pleases Him, and that's the mujahadah—that's enough—that's the struggle within the self—that's the inner battle that Allah loves when you make the effort to battle for His sake, therefore being your purpose of life. The question still may remain among some of us: Well, what do we do? How do I eliminate it? Well, it's not to eliminate it. It's to—it's to steer it and use it in a way that is worship.
The Prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam said in a beautiful hadith: The Prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam said that the hearts—that the fitan will be presented to the hearts like a mat, one straw after the other. And any heart that absorbs it or takes it in—this fitna, these trials—that there will be a black mark placed on it. And any heart that—that does not absorb it—absorb it and denies it and rejects it, there will be a white mark placed on their hearts, until the hearts will become of two types. And this is important here because when he says that until the hearts become of two hearts. So that means it had to have been consistent that you were consistently absorbing these fitan—for what you may watch in movies, what you may hear in music, what you may see from the wrong environment and the wrong people that may be coming with these -isms or these types of pills that give you the wrong understanding and belief and therefore may translate into action in the way to use your lust in the wrong way. And we see society plays a huge role in that, as in other behaviors as well.
Then the Prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam gives the example of these two types. He says so the first one he says—that the heart that is white. He says that is the first one is the white heart that is like a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a—a clean smooth rock that the fitna will not harm as long as he is alive and as long as the heavens and the earth remain. Meaning that the fitna will not affect this person—that when they face this, their—their heart is pure because they made the ikhlas—they made the ikhlas of those fitan, of those trials and tribulations that were there. They were the ones that rejected any of those trials and tribulations, any of those things that would call them to use their lust in the wrong way.
And then he said, he said, "And the other one is the black heart." The black heart. The heart that is black that is like an overturned vessel. Is like if you have a glass and it is—it is overturned, right? When you turn it over, anything you want to give to it, it's not going to accept it because it's already trapped and it has what's inside of it. It doesn't need anything else or it does not accept that which is given to it to replenish it. And then he gives a description of it. [Music] Except that it doesn't—it doesn't call to good or does not call wrong as wrong. It doesn't say what—what's right is right and what is wrong as wrong except that which his heart—or excuse me—except that which his desires align with. Whatever aligns with his desires is what he'll follow. Whatever aligns with his desires is what he'll take. Whatever aligns with his desires is what he has allegiance to. And that's deep, and it's a process. You notice the Prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam, as I said before, had—until the heart will become. So you have to see how you are using your lust. Addicted to pornography didn't start by you just being addicted the first day. It was the lust that you wanted to see with the other gender. You look, you keep looking. You keep looking until you become addicted to where you cannot go throughout your day without looking at it. You can't go throughout your day without performing this action of haram. Now you're caught in the cycle. And that one day that you feel terrible about it, which is good, you realize you're addicted to it. You probably didn't even realize you were addicted to it, but then you realize you're addicted to it. You realize it's haram. You knew that it was haram, but you were fulfilling that desire, that neutral characteristic in the wrong way.
The Prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam also mentioned to the Sahabah, and it's beautiful because this hadith is much more than we can—than we can imagine and think, is that he said that, "Whoever from you is able to get married then they should marry. And then he said, 'And whoever is not able to—and whoever is not able to, then they should fast, for verily this is a protection for them,' because fasting—that fasting weakens the lustful desires that one may have." And that's why it's so important when even on—from a nutritional perspective—on overeating and eating that which is not healthy, especially a lot of sugar, because it'll get you very hyper and want to do a lot of things. And from that can be the fulfillment of the lust.
One more hadith that I want to leave you with in regards to this particular subject matter: When the Prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam—because we may make mistakes in this regard of fulfilling our desires in the wrong way, looking at things, taking those—and those ways—uh, to actually finally get to something that is clear-cut haram that may—we may regret. You know, even though you may see things, you may say things, but that's leading to something of a greater—a greater impermissibility. The Prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam [Music] said that, "There is not a servant of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala that there may be a sin that they will continuously do—here and there—time to time. And then he continues to say, 'or it is a sin—or a sin that he persists in that he will not leave until he leaves this earth.'" These are the two types of people. You may do the sin from time to time, or you may do the sin and persist in it until you leave this earth. And then the Prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam says—The Prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam, he says that, "Verily the believer was created prone to trials, constantly repentant and forgetful—prone to trials." We said earlier that trials will be presented to him—prone to trials. They're going to make mistakes, but then he says, "repentance and forgetful—he will seek repentance, but they will continuously be forgetful." This is in us. This is important to know, men. This is in you. You will make mistakes. You will be forgetful, as Allah mentioned about Adam, and he forgot. We will—we will be forgetful. But what's important here at the very end, what does the Prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam say? "If he is reminded, he remembers. If he is admonished, he takes the admonishment." He's not narcissistic. He doesn't become arrogant. He doesn't say, "I have it all figured out." He's not a—He is not someone that is an overturned vessel. Rather, he is someone that has—he has a pure heart. And even comes from some scholars say that it is—it accepts whatever comes to it. You have to know what you're willing to accept. And those ethics and morals and principles that you find in the Sharia, where you find your purpose of pleasing Allah through this Deen, is where whatever comes to you, you know how to either reject it or to accept it. You—you reject having illicit intercourse. You reject being in areas that—that—that can push you toward fulfilling your lust in the wrongful way—talking to women in the wrong way or talking to them to where emotions can get involved and you have no intention of marriage. This is wrong, and we know that it's wrong from this. The man is responsible with this neutral characteristic, and he uses it in the right way, and when he does, he'll receive reward, as we have mentioned. When he is reminded, he remembers. He uses this admonishment, and he asks Allah to make him firm. And the best way of the ways to do this is, as was mentioned earlier in the introduction, persistent—persistent in those actions. But now that we know the wisdom, the actions of reading the Quran, being around good people, being in—in the places of the Sharia, being in the—in the masjids, listening to lessons of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, to where you make that dhikr and you remember the greatness of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala and holding yourself accountable before you'll be held accountable, as the Sahabah mentioned—using these characteristics that Allah has given you in the right way—and what happens is He'll be pleased with you, and the response of being pleased with you is testing you even more to make you stronger to where you reach the point of understanding the wisdom of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala to where you will never go back to committing those sins in the way that you did. May Allah bless all of you brothers with hearts that are—hearts that are safi—that are safi—hearts that are pure, that are clean—to make us of those that recognize the good and follow it and recognize that which is evil and stay away from it and admonish—admonish it and abstain from it, until I were to get…