Transcription
Here are four thoughts that go through the mind of a Christian man who has feelings for a woman.
Thought number one: Does she like me too? While I believe a man should risk getting rejected if he really does like a woman, I also don't think it is unreasonable for him to first assess the likelihood of finding success. There's no point to make things awkward if he really has no chance with her. With all that said, it is important for women to know that men have this thought of "does she like me too?" because most men will not pursue without some sort of evidence that it could possibly go well. If there is not one shred of evidence that she might be interested in him too, he will most likely not pursue her. I'm not saying she should spell it out for him, but for a woman to ignore a guy but then expect him to pursue her anyways is putting an unfair demand on him. Also, many men will want to pursue a woman, but oftentimes they do not want to come off like a creep, so they will at least wait for a sliver of hope before they try to ask her out.
Thought number two: How can I avoid screwing this up? At some point, a man will eventually begin to strategize how to best accomplish his goal of dating the woman that he likes, but usually his thought process will not come from the angle of success. But often, he will try to make a strategy based upon minimizing his failures. I'm not saying this is right, but the thing that the majority of men fear the most is failure. Many times the reason men don't try something at all is because they would rather sit out rather than try and fail. This is one of the factors that contributes to the awkward, missed, and nervous energy so many men have around the woman they like. Their minds get so consumed with trying to not fail or look stupid in front of her that he actually ends up doing this very thing anyways. If you're a man who's watching this, my advice to you is to first accept the possibility of things not going well. When you are willing to try even though you know you might fail, you will be far more at peace. When you do actually try, if you just constantly try to think of ways to avoid failure because you can't bear the possibility of things not going well, usually you will get stuck in your head and get so nervous it will not go well when you actually do try to pursue her. If you are a woman who is watching this and you sense a guy you like might be struggling with this fear of screwing things up, the best thing you can do is give him time to relax when he is around you and make sure you encourage his efforts when he does pursue you. The more time you spend together, the more he will get comfortable with you.
Thought number three: When should I make my move? Most men will fear waiting too long, but they will also fear acting too soon. It's rare that a man and woman's internal clock about the timing of when the relationship should move forward is the same. One of the variables that will factor into when he will make a move is his views and beliefs about dating or courting. If he takes the courting view, he will most likely try to have a prolonged season of friendship before beginning the courting relationship. If he holds a dating view, he will probably try to transition much faster from friendship to a dating couple. As a general tip, both men and women should have grace in this area and allow things to move slightly faster or slower than originally anticipated. Nothing goes as expected in real life, including the timing of relationships. If you do start dating a little too soon or a little too late, it's really not the end of the world, for as Romans 8:28 promises us: "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose."
Thought number four: What is God saying? If he truly is a Christian man, at some point he will have the thought, "What is God saying about this relationship?" A man who was walking in the spirit will want to submit to God's will for his life. However, one red flag to look out for in some Christian men is when he overemphasizes the voice of God in his head and underemphasizes what God is saying through the Bible and life circumstances. It's dangerous when men start living by what they hear in their head in an extreme and legalistic way. I've talked to far too many men who feel like they heard God say something like, "This is your future wife," but then reality does not reflect that thought they had in their head. Some guys cling to that voice no matter what. She can be often married to another man, but some guys still cling to what they heard. This is not healthy. A Christian man will certainly seek the Lord's voice and try to obey what God is saying to him personally, but an immature Christian man will value his own ability to hear God's voice more than what the pages of Scripture clearly state in black and white. A man who refuses to live by biblical wisdom and who will only submit to the voice in his head often causes a lot of unnecessary damage to himself and to others. Nonetheless, godly men do inquire of the Lord. They do seek to hear the personal voice of the Holy Spirit directly to them when they have questions about a woman they like, but they do so under submission to the Scriptures. And not only that, but they keep inquiring of the Lord to confirm what God wants them to do or not do each step of the way as they pursue a woman they are interested in.
Don't forget to tap the subscribe button if you haven't joined this growing community. I'm Mark from applygodsword.com. I hope this video was really helpful to you. Thanks so much for watching, and God bless.